"There was a lot of less-than-legal things going on in those days," Norway concluded, leaving out all of the graphic details, glossing over the violence and completely omitting the sex. He was a wise man.
"Yeah, but what happened? Like, people don't change that easily," Faeroes said.
"No, they don't. But that didn't happen until later. In the meantime, I owe your brother an explanation."
"Yes, well, explanations are nice. In that they, you know, explain things. "
Norway glared at his second oldest son. This was going to be frustrating if he remained this sassy. No idea where he even inherited that sass. Maybe the sass fairy came down from Sass-heim and bestowed it to him. Not completely out of the realm of possibilities; Norway had seen some improbable shit go down.
"I don't have to explain anything to you." You ungrateful brat, he silently added in his head. Like, damn, Greenland could make an effort.
"I'm sure Faroes has told you some of it, though how much, I don't know." He didn't dare ask. Not in front of the children. "Suffice it say, I am, in fact, your biological parent. I would prefer that we smooth our relationship out. That is to say, I would like a more active role in your life." Empty nest syndrome? Was that possible when one still had a child living at home?
"You've never wanted a part in my life before."
"Well, that's completely inaccurate." Mostly. Sometimes. No, he definitely wanted to be closer to his children for the last 200 years. What year was it, anyway?
Well, that was currently irrelevant.
But did he really want to have this conversation with Denmark, of all people, present? No. Not really. "Denmark, get out."
"Hm? What?" Denmark hadn't been dozing off, had he? Oh for God's sake, he wasn't even that old. Napping? Napping was for the weak.
"You heard me, you idiot. Now go take a nap somewhere else."
Denmark stood and stretched. "Yeah, I suppose I'll want to be rested for later."
Norway rolled his eyes. "Maybe in your dreams. Or the afterlife, if this keeps up."
"Aw, you don't mean that, Norge."
Norway just was so done. "Leave."
"Yes, sir." Denmark grinned jauntily and vacated the room. Finally, someone actually listened to Norway. A miracle, if there ever was one.
"Basically, what you should know is that I care very deeply about all of you. But that is a parent's instinct for their child, is it not?"
"Wouldn't know-"
More glaring. It was like a goddamn glare-fest up in that place.
"To conclude: you all are related to me by blood, every single one of you; I'm going to be a better parent; and I left a bottle of good scotch open on the counter that I should go take care of."
Too many children. Fate was a complete bitch.
Surprisingly, despite all of the scotch he'd needed today, he still wasn't drunk. He set Normandy gently back on the floor and was about to go attempt to fix that. Faroes followed him into the kitchen.
"Can I have some?" She nodded towards the scotch.
"No."
"Just a taste? You let Iceland drink."
"Iceland is not my child. Anyway, what would your father say?" he remarked dryly.
She rolled her eyes. "It's Denmark, if you remember. You honestly thinks he gives a fuck?"
"Language."
"Sorry," she replied sarcastically. "You honestly thinks he cares?"
"He might." Frustratingly, Denmark had always seemed to think that he needed to be a father as well as a king. Norway knocked back a shot of the scotch and resignedly closed the bottle and put it away.
"What's the deal with you two anyway?"
Oh no. Anything but this.
"Whatever do you mean?"
"Do you even pretend to like him? Or are you pretending to not like him for some weird Viking, Scandinavian one-upmanship brotherly war thing? I don't get it."
Norway chuckled softly. "I do not like Denmark."
"But-"
"Oh, well, I supposed I like him well enough. But if you think that's what characterizes our relationship, you are quite mistaken."
"I still don't understand."
Norway sighed. God, he hoped that in a decade or so, Normandy would just know everything about relationships. Given her parentage, it wasn't unlikely. "Denmark and I have too much history for me to really like him. You probably remember at least a little of this."
She nodded.
"Plus, he really quite annoying. And far too loud."
She nodded again. The Dane was one of the loudest and most obnoxious people she'd ever met. Not that that was saying much, but still. "I confess that I have no idea how you two ever manage to remain in the same hemisphere without killing each other."
She got another chuckle for her efforts. "My dear child, he is the only one who would end up dead."
Probably true.
"Still, we have things to do. Such as finish this birthday party while it still is actually my birthday."
"Well, it isn't actually your birthday."
"Excuse me?"
"Before all that junk with my uncles- well, uncle and father, I suppose- happened, we always celebrated your birthday in the winter. It's summer outside, if you didn't notice."
"The funny thing is I did in fact notice. But on the way to a new millennia, I decided to celebrate the success on my constitution rather than the failures of my past."
"I was merely pointing out that today is, in fact, not your birthday."
"It could be. Leap year didn't come about until sometime after I was born."
"A very long time after."
"Just remember, young lady, I'm only 400 years older than you, give or take." He shrugged. "Whatever. I'm going to go tell your brother the circumstances surrounding his birth. If you stay in here, please stay out of the liquor cabinet."
"Oh, I wouldn't miss this for the world."
Well, she had always been incredibly nosy.