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Alice paused as she stood on the porch of Neil MacNeill's cabin. She was half expecting it to be the way it used to be when she attempted to visit her daughter here with shouting or deafening silence coming from inside the cold abyss. Instead, she was shocked to hear laughter; the low rumbling laugh of Neil mixing with the high-pitched laugh that only came from Margaret's lips when she was truly happy.
Alice took a step back, finally allowing the truth to begin to sink in. David and Christy had been correct when they had told her that the MacNeill's were pursuing their relationship again and that they seemed happy. It had almost been too much to take in when Neil had finally accepted God into his life. Imagining him and her daughter finding happiness together had been a seemingly impossible feat. She had been wrong.
Once again regaining the courage that had lately been lacking within her, she raised her fist and knocked on the door. The laughter died down, and then the door was swinging open, revealing Neil stood there, pipe in his hand.
"Alice!" Neil greeted. He was completely blocking her view of the inside of the cabin behind him.
Something clattered to the floor behind him, and he stiffened. He glanced over his shoulder and then he looked back to her. "To what do we owe this pleasure?"
"I came to see Margaret," Alice said simply.
Neil's eyes held a pleading and cautioning look, and Alice took the warning. He wanted her to tread lightly and not put anything that he and Margaret had accomplished in their relationship in danger.
"I can come back another time," Alice said.
"No, it's alright, Neil," Margaret's voice sounded behind him. "Let her in."
Neil moved aside and allowed Alice to enter the room. Margaret was sitting at the kitchen table, a needle and thread in her right hand, and a piece of white fabric on the table in front of her.
"Hello, Mother," Margaret smiled.
Alice forced a smile back, hoping that she was successfully masking her distrust.
"Please, sit down," Neil told her, nudging her forward to the chair opposite of Margaret.
"Do you want tea, Mother?" Margaret asked, already rising from her chair. "I just finished making some."
"Yes, thank you," Alice said.
Silence fell over them as Neil moved across the room and emptied his pipe into a tray. He was watching both women closely, almost as if he expected one of them to pounce on one another at any minute. He sat in the chair by the fire and pulled on his boots as Margaret placed a cup of tea in front of Alice. Margaret resumed her seat and picked up her sewing once again. She said nothing to Alice. Instead she watched as Neil crossed the room once more and pulled on his coat.
"Will you be late tonight, Mac?" Margaret asked.
"Not if I can help it," He said, smiling at her. "I should be home for dinner, and I'll send word to you if anything changes."
"Thank you," Margaret smiled. That had been one of the things she had hated about his being away when they had first come here. He would promise to be home, and then never show up, and she wouldn't know what had happened or if he was even alive. She had told Neil this a week ago when he had been late, and he had promised to always send word to her somehow from that point on.
He nodded and walked toward her. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
"That's not going to hold you over all day," Margaret teased as if Alice wasn't in the room.
"You're absolutely right," Neil smiled, pulling her to her feet. "Come here."
She smiled giddily as he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her firmly and passionately on the lips. Margaret kissed back, her arms linking behind his neck. Alice watched in shock. They had never been so openly affectionate with one another.
"I love you," Neil told her softly.
"And I love you," Margaret kissed his nose.
Neil released her. "Have a nice visit, ladies."
He caught Alice's eyes in his, sending her a pointed look.
"We will," Alice promised.
"Good."
He opened the door, smiled at Margaret once more and then the door closed firmly behind him, leaving mother and daughter alone in silence.
"I wondered how long it would take you to come," Margaret said, sinking back into her chair. "I was beginning to think you were avoiding me on purpose."
"I was," Alice admitted. "We did not part well last time."
"No," Margaret agreed. "We certainly did not."
Alice took a sip of her tea to keep her hands busy.
"I'm sorry," Margaret whispered.
Alice looked up at her quickly. "Margaret…"
"No, listen to me. I've been angry with you for so long, and I'm tired of feeling this way. It isn't doing any good for anyone. You were so young when you had me, and you had me much against your own choice. You were in the same situation Christy is in, except that Christy has David and support that you didn't have. But you kept me, and you did your best to make me happy. And all I could do was hate you. The real world hit me at full force, and I wasn't ready for it, and I blamed that completely on you. I was afraid, I had no idea what I was supposed to do or be, and all you had ever done was act more like a friend than a mother."
Alice looked down, putting her shaking hands in her lap.
"And then I met Neil, and he…" Margaret smiling, standing up and walking to the fireplace. She picked up Neil's pipe off the mantle and held it lovingly in her hands. "Neil knew more about the ways of the world than I had ever dreamed of knowing. He was so handsome, so smart, and he loved me. And I loved him more than I had ever loved anything in my life. Marrying him and coming out here was going to be this big adventure. A new life. I was going to see where he came from and become part of his world. But you followed me."
She looked at Alice over her shoulder, all the bitterness finally gone from her face and voice.
"Neil and I were happy, Mother. We were. But you were always there, making my new world yours too, and I didn't want you here. I was jealous and angry that you could become a part of this place. When I discovered I was pregnant, I was so excited. Neil and I were going to have something that was just ours, and I could focus my attention on something else. I knew you would become the doting, overly involved grandmother, but at the end of the day, you would go home, and it would just be me and Neil and our baby."
Alice heard Margaret's voice catch in her throat.
"When I lost the baby, I lost hope of ever having any sort of happiness that was just mine. It would always be taken away from me. I was in so much pain, and Neil became distant. And for the first time in a long time, I needed and wanted my mother. But you had your work and the mission, and I was alone. So I ran."
Alice stood and walked slowly toward Margaret, placing a hand on her shoulder. "When Neil told me about the fact that thee….that you had lost a child, everything changed. I thought you were cruel, and selfish for leaving. I never even considered that I was the one being selfish. I wanted to be a part of your new life so badly, that I came here uninvited, and I suffocated the life out of you. You closed yourself in this cabin to avoid me, and that made you miserable. Then, when you needed me, I wasn't there. I've made a lot of mistakes. I didn't know how to be a mother, but I knew I wasn't doing it right. But my pride…"
Silence fell over them.
"You are my daughter, Margaret, and you have been the most important person in my world since the day I discovered I was carrying you. No matter what has happened, you always will be. I was wrong to tell you that you no longer had a place in my life. I was wrong, in so many ways. Will you ever forgive me?"
Margaret turned to her, tears flowing down her face. "As long as you'll forgive me."
Alice released a breath of air, smiling and taking her daughter's face in her hands. "Forgiveness is a gift given to us by God. I am not so worthy as to deny it to thee."
For the first time, Margaret didn't pull away from Alice's words about God. Instead she smiled softly. "You sound like Neil, except he does not say it quite as eloquently as you, Mother."
Alice smiled.
"I never believed that your God could have anything to do with me, but if He can change Neil, I'm willing to reconsider."
Alice placed a kiss to her daughter's forehead. There was a long journey ahead of them, but she had faith that God would heal their relationship and strengthen it for the years to come.