You woke up to the sight of an unfamiliar ceiling. You were in a large bed which would of felt comfortable if you knew how you'd got here and why you were here. You sat up and looked around the room you were in and you realised you definitely weren't in the barracks, it was too homely. You could smell something that made your stomach gurgle with hunger. Bacon. You wandered over to the door and pushed your apprehension to the side. Whoever had brought you here hadn't hurt you so far and you knew you could defend yourself if you had to. Slowly walking down the stairs you came to a large kitchen and a tall boy was cooking and your heart stopped in your chest. You would have recognised that inky hair anywhere. The boy turned around and his freckled face came into view, a grin on his face.
"Hey, beautiful. I thought I'd make you breakfast"
You were speechless. Marco. How was he here? You'd lost him to the Titans. His smile vanished as he noticed the sadness and confusion on your face. He walked over to you and pulled you against his chest. "You were having nightmares again weren't you? You know I'll never let anything happen to you", He stroked your hair while you inhaled that scent that you had loved. He always smelt like lavender and that smell had always been your comfort through the years of training. Had you really been having nightmares? They were so vivid. Tears started running down your cheeks and Marco continued to comfort you. You hugged him tightly scared he was going to vanish in thin air. You looked up at his face and stroked his cheek, looking at those adorable freckles. He gave you a soft smile and learned in to kiss you. His lips were so soft and you felt a warmth fill you.
Your eyes shot open. Sweat covered your body and your body shook with each breath you took. You could make out your surroundings in the dim light were looking up at that familiar ceiling in your room. Tears started pouring from your eyes and a sob caused your body to shake. Your chest felt tight as you continued to cry. How cruel your mind was, making you think you'd never lost him. All the pain you'd tried to bury came flooding to the surface, reopening those wounds you had tried so desperately to keep closed. You had loved Marco more than anything and he was taken from you. It was the reason you had joined the Survey Corps in the first place, you wanted to avenge his death and deep down you really didn't care if your life was in danger by been here. The tears subsided and you let out the occasional sob letting the pain swallow you up until it was the only thing you were aware of. You'd never had nightmares about him, you'd never really cried for him apart from the day he died. You'd cried, screamed and punched the wall until your knuckles were bruised and bloody and then Jean held you while you cried some more. You had promised yourself after that you'd be ok because Marco would never have wanted you to hurt like that and you didn't want to hurt Jean, so you buried all that pain away and focused on avenging your lover's death.
You vaguely noticed your room getting lighter as the sun rose higher in the sky as the pain slowly subsided. Your body ached like you'd been running laps for hours. You felt the need to shower, as if the water would cleanse you of your night terror. You pulled yourself up and nearly collapsed back onto your bed as another wave of pain rolled across your body. "No" you thought "Marco wouldn't want me to be weak like this". You focused on getting your things together and headed towards the washroom.
As cold water ran down your body you felt a sense of calm returning to yourself. "I can't let myself be distracted by dreams, it could get me killed". You closed your eyes as the water washed over your face. You had loved Marco, more than anyone would ever know but you couldn't cry for him. If you couldn't avenge his death because you were letting sadness get the better of you there was no point in you been here. Turning the shower off you learned against the cool wall and carried on been lost in your thoughts "I miss you so much Marco and God do I wish that dream had been real but there's things I need to finish off here first before I can face you again". Snapping back to reality you got ready for the day.
Jean noticed that you weren't yourself but he knew better than to push you to talk if you weren't in the mood. You carried out your duties, almost zombie-like as you tried your best not to focus on the night's events. As you were on stable duty with Jean he suddenly hug you and stroked your hair "[first name], I know something's up but if you don't want to talk that's fine but you know I'll always be here for you right?". His cheeks were bright red, Jean always struggled with the emotional stuff; you been one of the few people who saw this side of him but his heart was in the right place. You looked at him for awhile and said softly "I love you Jean you know that right?" He blushed even more and pulled out of the embrace "You're such a dork" ruffling your hair as he said so. You laughed a bit feeling a little more human than you had since yesterday. Jean seemed to have that effect on you. You spent the rest of stable duty messing around, your thoughts rarely drifting back to what you dreamt of last night.
In the mess hall you shovelled down your food so fast that even Sasha looked impressed. You had felt so empty all day and it was extremely satisfying to get a decent meal. You laughed and joked with your friends and your heart felt light. You suddenly felt like someone was staring at you and your head snapped up but nobody was paying any particular attention to you, everyone was occupied with their food or own conversations. "That was weird, I could of sworn.." You broke off the thought before you started worrying yourself and went back to chatting with Sasha and Connie.
Watching her eat you could tell something wasn't right. Her eyes were red and dark shadows had formed under them, even more noticeable on her pale complexion. The way she ate was as if she had starved herself for a week. She seemed even bubblier than usual as if she was trying to distract herself from something. She tensed and you looked away, sensing that she was going to look up. She frowned as you watched her from the corner of your eye and went back to chatting to the people sat near her. It bothered you that something was so obviously wrong but no one seemed to notice. As a Lance Corporal you cared for all these brats but your feelings for her were so complicated. She was beautiful and the few times you'd shared company with her, her personality had proven to match her looks. You cared that something was wrong and you had to know what it was.