Chapter 3
I finished my story while we polished off what was left of the pizza. As I predicted, it had taken a while judging by the fading light of the sun filtering through the windows. I took another deep breath and collapsed back on the couch. I was relieved to have told someone finally after all of these months. I was also feeling awfully guilty about allowing Mickey to shove John out of my life. He'd have been a great friend to have when this started.
"You mean to tell me you got paid off so that you wouldn't say no to your husband sleeping with someone who was supposed to be your friend?" John asked, anger flashing in his eyes and pronounced in his voice.
"It seems like it. I don't know, that's just speculation. She knew how I felt about getting expensive gifts, she knew I'd feel guilty about it and would want to repay her in some way for her generosity. How better for me to pay her back than by allowing her and my husband to have an affair?" I said, the anger finally replacing the hurt from earlier.
"Rose, you need to get out of there, you need to get away from him. This isn't good for you." John said placing a gentle hand on my knee.
"And do what about my baby John? I can't do it on my own, and even if I did, he'd know it was his anyway whether I told him about it or not. London is only so big you know?" I said gently.
"Rose, you're a strong and courageous woman. No matter what you do, you can get through this, and you'll make the best decision possible." He said, his hand still on my knee.
"But I don't know what decision to make! I can't just leave Mickey without some kind of plan!" I replied.
"I promise you this love, by lunchtime tomorrow, we will have a plan." He said, removing his hand from my knee.
John got up, refolded the pizza box, picked up the paper towels we had used as napkins, and walked into the kitchen. I heard him set the box on a counter, and the refrigerator open then close. He came back to the living room long enough to set 2 Cokes on the coffee table, then he walked confidently to the hall, disappearing off to the right. I heard the sound of a door opening and what sounded like drawers being open and shut. There was a lot of rustling sounds, like pieces of paper rubbing together. The mysterious door closed, and John came back into the living room with 2 legal pads in one hand, and 2 pens in the other. He plopped down next to me on the couch handing me a legal pad and a pen, and kept one of each for himself.
"Rose, both of us are going to brainstorm. Together we will figure out a way for you to move forward from this." John said. "Just let me know when you're done with your ideas, and I'll let you know when I'm done with mine. We'll compare notes and see if we can come up with a plan."
"Okay, that sounds like a reasonable idea." I replied. "Look, I know I let Mickey dictate our friendship, and I'll forever regret it. I want you to know that I'm really sorry, and I don't deserve your help, and yes, I'm acknowledging it. You don't know how much it means to me that you didn't just kick me out on my butt when I showed up on your doorstep randomly after a year."
"Rose, I care about you, I always have, and a year of separation didn't change that. I don't hold you responsible for that anyway." John said with a shrug.
"I disagree, but I'm glad to know I have a friend." I said.
"You always have a friend in me love." John replied with a soft smile.
I returned his smile, and we both turned to our legal pads. I gently nibbled on the end of my pen while I thought and, if I'm honest with myself, checking out my friend out of the corner of my eye. When I got tired of my blond hair falling in my face, I dropped the pen on my lap, and put my hair into a ponytail using the elastic that was always on my wrist. Suddenly I remembered that I did not have any clothes here.
"John, I don't have any clothes with me at all!" I suddenly exclaimed, panic beginning to work its way into my chest.
"Don't worry about it Rose, you can wear something of mine, and I'll take you shopping tomorrow." John said patting my knee and going back to working on his list.
For the next ten minutes we did nothing but work on our ideas list. The only time one of us stopped was when we needed a drink, or when John needed to turn on the light in the living room so we could keep working without damaging our eyesight. I barely came up with 5, and yet, John had filled a bunch of pages from his legal pad. I'm not sure how all of the ideas were coming to him and not me, but I guess I'd find out soon enough. Finally tired of trying to get my brain to come up with any good ideas, I tossed the legal pad down on the coffee table, and letting my pen fall on top of it. I elbowed John who looked up at me, winked, then kept writing whatever it was he was brainstorming. It wasn't much longer before he was putting his pen near mine on the coffee table and shifting so he could look at me.
"So what did you come up with?" He asked.
"First, I could change my name and identity and leave London, but that means leaving Torchwood, and I really love working there. Second, I could immigrate to the states and join UNIT. Third, I can see if I can move back in with my parents. Fourth, I can see if I can figure out a way to get back to my original universe. That's all I've got." I said.
"Interesting, all of that sounds like running away. How about reading what I wrote?" Asked John who was tentatively holding out his legal pad.
I took the legal pad from him, leaning back on the couch to read. I was about to start reading when John got up with his can of Coke and headed out to the kitchen. I shrugged my shoulders and began to read:
Rose,
I am so mad at Mickey, more so than you'll ever know. I don't know how he could do this to such a good, kind, and brilliant girl as you. I cannot put into words how much I hate him right now Rose, I mean it. You of all people should be able to understand that. You've known me for a long time now, and you probably know me better than anyone. I know I've made friends here in this universe, and they're fantastic, but none of them are as brilliant and as wonderful as you. I told you at Bad Wolf Bay what my Gallifreyan counterpart didn't get the chance to, and I was heartbroken that Mickey already had your heart at that point. I want you to know Rose, that my feelings for you are still the same as they were then. What I said then is as true as it is now that you're sitting in my apartment a year after Mickey forced you to stop being friends with me. I know you do not want to leave him without some sort of backup plan, and I completely understand that, and support your decision. So here I am, putting my feelings, and my only idea for a plan here on paper for you. I'm terrified that you might reject this idea, however, this is a chance I must take. I have to or else I'll regret it the rest of my life. Rose, leave Mickey and give Heather back her car. Do what you want about telling Mickey about the baby. If you don't want him to know, we'll leave London. We don't have to stay in England, we can move somewhere else in Europe, or we can immigrate to the states. You make the call as to where you want to go, and I'll follow you anywhere love. We'll make our own family where everyone in it is loved and respected. Where there is warmth and love, there is a healthy, happy family, and I want that with you and for you. If you choose this plan, I'll love you forever, respect you always, and make you happy in any way I can. You have my heart Rose forever and always love.
Love always, John
I didn't realize I was crying until I lowered the legal pad after finishing his beautiful letter. I considered his words, my feelings, everything. I realized that I was so worried about the metacrisis Doctor being too perfect, that I gave my heart and my hand to the wrong man. With a groan, I let my forehead fall onto the heel of my hand. I was such an idiot then, if only I knew then what I know now. Deciding not to continue to allow myself to be victimized by Mickey and Heather, I knew what I had to do. I had to take a chance on love, real love, love that had not diminished with time. Respect that had him helping me despite the gory details I'd given him earlier about Mickey, Heather, and the situation I found myself in.
Resolved to my plan of action, I threw his legal pad on top of mine on the coffee table, and stood up. I took the few steps toward the kitchen, my future. I leaned one shoulder on the doorjamb leading into the kitchen and looked at John. He was leaning against one counter, staring off into space. He seemed so still, the only movement was his chest with each breath. I took a moment to take him in, noting the difference in how I was seeing him. At first I only saw him as my friend, and now I was seeing someone who loved me despite my fears and failures, my strengths and weaknesses. It was like looking him for the very first time, my Doctor.
Instead of alerting him to my presence, I just walked up to him and kissed him with everything that I had. He was so surprised that he stiffened, but only for a moment before he responded to my kiss with equal passion and love. I took the initiative to deepen the kiss, but before I could, he pulled back with a brilliant smile.
"Does this mean we're going with my plan?" He asked, his hands gently grabbing my waist.
"Yes John, this means that I'm done with my fears. I'm done being victimized. I'm done being with someone I never loved that way in the first place." I said looking him straight in the eye.
"What do you mean?" He asked, his brow pulling into a confused frown.
"I mean, even though we agreed to be friends so that I could continue my relationship with Mickey, it was only because I was afraid of you. I was afraid you were too perfect, and that you too would someday leave me. I only married Mickey because he seemed like the safe choice. It wasn't because I loved him. I never loved him." I said quickly.
"Rose are you sure? I love you, but if you don't feel the same…" He started, blinking a few times.
"Quite right too. John Redfern, I love you, always have despite my attempt at faking it with Mickey. I guess I've learned my lesson." I replied.
With that, our kisses could not be stopped. He poured years worth of love into his kisses, his touch. The only other words spoken between us was a declaration that John was calling his attorney in the morning. With that, there was no talking the rest of the night.