To say at least, I and Wyvern were some sort of sex-partner. I didn't know what else to call that thing. We met, had a fantasic night, then met again. And some time along the way, I fell. It was all my fault, really. Our relationship was supposed to be nothing. To him, it actually was nothing. I was also so good at pretending that I didn't care, I almost though it was true. But when we broke up, I knew it wasn't.
.
I wouldn't deny it, I wanted to see him. Whenever I went to places we had gone together before, I would unconsciously seek for his figure. No matter how hard I tried to stopped myself from doing it, I didn't seem to succeed. Therefore, I wasted no more time to dispute with my own action. It would bring me nothing anyway.
I thought I'd never see him again. We were in the same city, but it was not that small, so you could never meet someone if you want to, with a litle effort. Maybe the one with effort was Wyvern, because I hadn't seen him since that day. It was as if the man had evaporated.
Normally, if I wanted to see someone that badly, I would just go and find them. But now that someone was Wyvern, I couldn't bring myself to do so. It wasn't what my damn pride could allow. It was irritating that, admittedly, I had never been able to walk away from him. I was still addicted. It was getting worse and worse. The feeling of craving for someone simply wasn't there was very much hard to endure. At night, sometimes I woke from a dreamless sleep, finding myself all alone and aroused. Then, there was the worst part, I would jerk off imaging his touches. It always made me disgust with myself afterward. I wouldn't be able to back to sleep. It was draining me out.
.
I had been moody for weeks when I met Calvera. She was an old frend from Mexico. We had a good time hanging out back then. It was a long time ago. Now she was on a trip with her boyfriend, Huexde. I had to say that the guy was not a very nice man to deal with. That was why the last time we met, there was quite a fight occurred. I remembered having beaten the daylights out of him after he had done the same to me. Honestly, I didn't know why Calvera and that guy had been stuck together in the first place. I had hoped she could find someone else. But I knew it was just a wishful thinking of mine when I saw the man stand next to her. His gaze catched mine at the same time. I greeted him half-heartedly and we exchanged a hateful look.
We surely hated each other. I knew that he hated me even more when I was with his girlfriend, sitting rather closely and leaving him out. So then he was off without saying a word. I didn't know why he acted so calmly this time. In the past, we must have put up a fight. Maybe it was because of Calvera. She was there and she obviously didn't want to see her boyfriend, or friend, knocking the other out. Therefore, when the man couldn't bear the sight of me anymore, he left.
After that, the night went surprisingly smoothly. Calvera said that she wanted to talk to me. It was a casual conversation about her and her journey, nothing more. She did it to comfort me. It was plain as day, even a fool could see through it. But the thing was, I didn't mind. I was so fucked up I didn't mind being conforted. Besides, it was pretty obvious that I did look like Hell. I felt sleepy and exhausted all the time. Maybe I should pay heed to Degel's words once and go home, trying to get some sleep. It was getting worse, because I started having illusion. On the way home, I felt as if someone's eyes were on me.
.
I met Huexde the night after. There was no Calvera in sight. He didn't look happy. So did I, due to all my damn insomnia and hallucinations. Since we both were in a bad mood, our little talk didn't went very well. We had gone from 'Don't get too close to her' of his and my 'Oh, I surely will' part to the point of us being about to throw ourselves into each other right there and then. It was when Wyvern decided to show up.
Yeah, Wyvern.
He had to be there from the beginning or else he wouldn't be that on time. But it was what I figured out later. Right then, I was dumbfounded.
Wyvern said something to Huexde. And somehow, Calvera had been standing next to the tan man since when I didn't even know. Wyvern gave her a dreadful glare. I could see it because my eyes were on him all the time. My heart was beating so fast it would jump out of my chest for sure. Though, I couldn't make the damn thing slow down a bit since my brain was too confused to make out anything else but his presence. God, I felt light-headed all of a sudden.
I had no ideal how we had gotten to his car. When I looked up, he was there, staring down at me, trapping me between his body and the car.
"You are so troublesome." He said. There was anger in his voice and something, something sounded terribly like concern.
I couldn't bring myself to protest, however. I couldn't understand. First, we had been fuck-buddies or some sorts, then he had decided that the thing between us should end, yet now here he was, saying something uncoherent after showing up at the middle of my quarrel and dragging me out.
I didn't have time to wonder long, though. Because the next thing I knew, his lips was on mine. He was kissing me.
It wasn't like any kisses we had had before. It was only a touch of lips against lips and nothing more.
"I'm taking you home." He said afterward. I was so shocked I made no attempt to protest.
.
Wyvern was, surely, not right in the head. I didn't know what had been up to him these weeks, but there must've been something, something that made him act so weid.
After that certain night, I saw him almost every day. Basically, he showed up at my door whenever he felt like it. Then he would take me out somewhere. We mostly ate these times. Afterward, he took me back home. We didn't do anything else. I meant, he did kiss me sometimes, but never went further.
In the first week, I was terrified. I let him lead all the time and followed without question. He was gentle, I had to admit. He must certainly have hit his head somewhere.
The second week, when I was finally able to calm down myself, I began to put piece and piece together. It was his actions. He was terrifringly gentle lately. Before that, I realized he had been after me for weeks. The night when I had a nice talk with Calvera, he was there, too. It explained the feeling of some one's eyes on me that I had had. Apparently, it was not an illusion.
I guessed he did it out of possessiveness. It was definitely possible. Presumably, if he ever bothered about the relationship we had, he could become possessive and get jealous when he saw me with someone else. It made perfect sense, because I would feel the same if I were in his position. See, we were the same kind after all.
Somehow, the thought made my chest tighten. It being possessive, I meant.
Wyvern didn't say anything, though. He was something like gentle, but still kept his ever blank expression. It wasn't a big deal, I would know somehow. I wouldn't put up with those shit any longer.
With that, I realized I was deadly wrong back then. God, more than once I wanted to turn back time and go there to punch myself in the face. Maybe then I could get it. Plainly, I was pathetic. I acted like a kicked dog. It all was because of Wyvern. He was the death of my right sense. I had never loved anyone so blindly like that before and I certainly never wanted to. But I've gotten addicted to him. I was stupefied. I was at lost these days. I didn't know what to do with all those messes that were my emotions, my mind and my pride. I was too wrap up to that to remember who I used to be. I certaintly wasn't a kicked-puppy. I was the hunter in the game and I could get whatever I wanted. God, I realized it now. No more moody and acting pathetically, and my pride could be damned. If Wyvern was playing some sort of sickening game, I would surely play along with it.
.
It was the third week that things started getting better. Or worse, I don't know. He still showed up at my door. We did romance shits and stuffs, with me being more comfortable to the situation. I was, really. At least die trying. During these times, we talked about things which I wonders wether I should believe them or not. It didn't matter very long, because the day I wait finally came.
It was in the evening , when we had been back from our diner. As usually, he took me home. I invited him in.
Finally. I thought, with an unexplainable bitter taste in my mouth when we kissed. I don't know if he could sense it as his tongue slipped against mine erotically, building up the desire long forgotten. I responded as much passionately. But to my surprise, I felt empty simultaneously.
Isn't it always empty? I thought ironically. I ran my hand down his back, pulling him closer, all the same it felt as if he was getting far, far away.
I hissed as he nipped at my collarbone, my weak spot. His hand was all over my body, caressing me, making me shudder.
That's it. I closed my eyes and angled my head, giving him more space to continued with his kissing. It's about sex again. It was when I suddenly pushed him backward.
"No." I blurted out as my eyes windened. I could feel tear running down my check. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why was I crying?
Wyvern was staring at me. There was a glimpse of surprise in his eyes, confusion, and something I couldn't recognized through my blurred sight.
Everything had just happened flashed pass my head.
I knew now. God, I was stupid. But now I knew. I didn't wanted to be back like before, I didn't want to be someone who was needed only for sexual satisfaction. No, not any longer. I didn't want a merely uncertian relationship. I loved him and I wanted him to love me back. I couldn't pretend that I'm heartless as I used to and I wouldn't be able to stand being thrown away one more time. It's all that mattered. I had to end this, end all those mirages even if it meant I had to stay away from him. And somewhere along all this mess, I found myself crying. Why am I always so weak around him?
"Go home, Wyvern." My voice was hoarse and my whole body was trembling. "It's over."
It all was over. His game, and we both.
"What do you mean by that?" He asked drily.
"I won't be your fuck buddy again, ever, that's it". It surprised me that my voice was harsh. I wiped the tears with the back of my hand. It was a pointless act, he saw them anyway.
Wyvern kept staring at me a long time after that as if he was trying to dig something that made sense from my head. After what seemed like forever, he asked, slowly. "You think that I want you back to be my" – he halted briefly before spating out the word – "fuck buddy?"
Now the word seemed so stupid to me. Yeah, what a silly thing we had back then.
It was a rhetorical question because Wyvern soon continued. "I should've known there was nothing good going in your head." He seemed like he could sigh at that.
I was not amused. "You think?" Here was my sarcasticness.
"It was an unhealthy relationship between us before, I admit." Wyvern started slowly, still looking at me. "That was the reason why I tell you that we should end it. Then you just went and acted like the idiot you are."
"It didn't relate to you." It was my automatic response. Actually, I was still dumbfounded that, wow, he really cared so much. Now that I was over the burst of emotion just then but I definitely hadn't prepared for this.
"It did, considering the fact that I wanted to ask you out properly."
"Come again?"
"I won't tell you twice." Wyvern looked sideways as he said.
Oh. So it was an awkward moment of Wyvern huh? Gosh, I might be the fist living to see it. That fact could wait latter though, there was more important thing I should concentrate on now. I got it.
Still, I had to make it clear for once. "Does it mean I can assume that you do like me?"
Wyvern's eyes twitched with annoyance as he stared at me for the nth time. "You are an idiot."
And I punched him.
Really, all these drama were only because we both were so stupid.
Before Wyvern could complain, I kissed him.
Well, I guessed it could be our new start.