Reid's POV

I'm in Anne's car, and she's driving me back to my house. We haven't talked the entire journey, and I don't know what to say. I just had sex with her, what was I supposed to say, 'that was nice, thanks'? I don't think so, so I don't say anything at all.

When I'm around Anne I feel like I can be myself, it feels okay to lose control; it feels nice to lose control.

I've had sex several times before, but this morning with Anne, was definitely the best sex I've ever had. I guess you could say she's a bit of a freak in bed - matches her personality and her gothic appearance perfectly I guess.

I know why I slept with her. The same reason I touch her, talk to her, look at her, let her in, and keep going back...well, she keeps coming to me, but it doesn't change the reason.

My body's releasing chemicals. Namely norepinephrine, phenylethylamine and dopamine, and these hormones in combination with several others, put me at ease, induce euphoria, mess with brain signals, make me feel things.

...Simply put, I'm in love. I don't know why, and I may not like it, but that doesn't make it not so. The truth is, that I love Anne. I need to come to terms with that before I see her again.

Tonight wasn't just about that though. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel emsomething/em, anything. She also reminds me of Prentiss a little, and although Prentiss and my relationship was always platonic, it made me feel close to her in a sense, like she was still with me. Her black hair, and the shape of her eyes; so similar, and yet she's so different from Emily.

I miss Emily more than I thought possible after the first time, or maybe I just forget how bad it felt after she came back. Either way, I know she's not coming back this time, and it makes me want to cry, but I won't; I can't.

Partly because I don't want Anne to know how well I'm not doing. She'd never leave me alone, and right now I need her to respect my space. I want some distance from her, so I can get over Prentiss in peace. Losing Emily, is like losing a sister. After all...The BAU are my family.

When I watched her die, I felt like my world was going to implode, and then I felt nothing. Earlier, I felt like I was going to die, then I was with Anne and I felt nothing, we had sex and I felt something. Now I'm in the car and I feel nothing again. I don't know what's wrong with me, and as much as I want to cry, I can't.

When we arrive outside of my house, I look at Anne. Her hair and makeup are a mess, but she still looks sweet. She leans over and presses her lips against my face. I close my eyes and let the tingling in my cheek radiate. If I'm going to feel bad about Em, then I need to feel good about something, I need to be happy about something. I suppose it's okay if that something is Anne.

I want to stay in the car with her, but I know I need to go now. I have to get to work in a few hours, I have killers to catch. She pulls her face away from mine, and I give her the best smile I can muster up.

"Thanks for driving me home. I'll see you another time." I whisper. Anne doesn't say anything, she just nods with a content smile on her face.

I pull my shirt together over my body, and hold it down with my arm because its buttonless. Anne reaches into the back seat for her bag, and retrieves my keys. She passes the keyring to me, and I nod my head once I'm going to say thanks, but then I decide against it, and quickly get out of her car.

As I walk up to my front door, she drives away, and I'm left alone in the dark. I turn the key in the lock, and take a deep breath as soon as I get inside. Now that I'm home, I'm crying.

I don't know which emotion is prompting the tears, but I have a feeling it's a mixture of many, and I'm too mentally exhausted to fight it. I'm allowed to cry in the privacy of my own home.

I rip off my shirt, hop out of my bottoms, and crawl between my bed sheets in only my briefs. I probably won't sleep tonight, but I can take comfort in the feeling of silk sheets against my skin, and thoughts of Anne.

I'm so lost...