THIS CHAPTER IS SO IMPORTANT!
There is also a link to Kadence and Rhys' outfits on my profile :)
"We can't go out tonight, Kadence! We've got training early in the morning," I argued as she struggled to fit into a tight black skirt.
"Exactly, I want to have fun before I want to die again in the morning. Training makes me want to throw myself into the chasm," she told me. "Now try on that dress in your hands and have some fun."
Kadence and I were in the clothing shop in the Pit. We got an allotted amount of points that we could spend however we pleased. I'd spent some when I got my industrial pierced, but I still had quite a few left over. Kadence decided that she and I needed to go get an outfit before going to our first Dauntless party tonight.
I wasn't used to having to buy an outfit specifically for a party. In Amity all the parties revolved around peeling apples, shucking corn, or something else food preparation related, but at these parties people danced and drank and got completely wild then went back to their lives the next day. Dauntless went hard with anything and everything they did.
"That doesn't even count as a skirt and that sure as hell is not a top," I exclaimed looking at the skirt she had on and the scrap of fabric she was holding in her hands.
"Shut up and zip up the back of it," she said before stripping off her bra and putting the top in its place. "And it's called a bustier, not a top."
I just ignored her and took either side of the bustier in my hands. The zipper didn't quite reach and she seemed to know what to do. She bent forward and shuffled a bit before coming back up straight, her hands on her chest. I didn't question it or watch what she was doing, I just forced the bustier closed and zipped it up.
She turned around to look at me and I saw that she had a lot more cleavage now than before. I realized that that must've been the purpose of a bustier. I also saw something shiny hanging from her navel that I'd never seen before.
"What'd you do? What's that?" I asked, reaching forward and flicking the dangly jewelry. "I've been with you almost every minute of every day since we got here."
"Elijah and I couldn't sleep the other night so we went exploring," she told me, looking everywhere but my face. "He dared me to get it pierced and I dared him to pierce his eyebrow."
I didn't push the subject anymore, I knew she'd spill everything about their relationship to me eventually. I just stripped out of my clothes and pulled the dress that I'd picked out onto my body. I held my hair up as she pulled the zipper up into place. When I looked in the mirror, I did a double take: I looked like a completely different person!
My face had lost all of its roundness, replaced with sharp angles that made me look sophisticated paired with the high neckline of the dress I was wearing. It wasn't the normal Dauntless dress, it didn't show any of my skin. I really like it though, Amity had never allowed us to have fancy clothes because they weren't practical to work in.
"I'm actually really upset that you look good in that dress," she remarked after I dropped my hair and turned to face her. "But it's too uppity for a party, it looks like you're going to a funeral. You need something more fun and sexy!"
I guess to her sexy meant revealing in tight or at least that's what her outfit told me. She had on a tight, stretchy skirt that ended about three or four inches above her knee and a leather top that covered her boobs and about an inch of skin below it. I was jealous that she looked more Dauntless than I ever could, but I couldn't make myself expose that much skin just yet. I wasn't ready or comfortable enough with my body.
"This dress looks great on you, but I think I'm going to go see if I can find something a little more risqué," she winked, putting her old clothes back on and disappearing back into the store.
I sighed and took off the dress but not putting my other clothes back on. I knew she would make me take them off to try on everything she brought me so it would be pointless. Instead I busied myself with hanging the funeral dress back up and tapping my fingers on my thigh.
She came back with a stack of black and red clothes in her hands, extended towards me. I handed her back all of the red clothes, too much Amity. I also gave her back some for lack of modesty.
After I'd weeded out the not going to happen, I tried on the other four dresses. The last one I tried on was definitely my favorite. The sleeves were complete lace and the dress itself was made out of the same stretchy, tight material as Kadence's skirt. It was just the right amount of sexy for me to feel comfortable.
"That's the dress that you're going to get," she told me certainly. "Now that we've got the clothing covered, let's go get shoes."
She ended up getting tall, satin boots with a chunky heel that went up to her knee. I got a pair of tie up ankle booties with a spiked heel. They were the tallest shoes that I've ever worn in my life and I made sure I could walk in them before we left the store. It would've been stupid to buy shoes that I couldn't move in, but that was what Kadence did.
"You're seriously going to go to that party tonight?" T asked when we met up with him in the room that we slept in. "We've got training at eight in the morning and the party doesn't start until midnight."
What he was saying was the complete truth. I hated the thought of going to the party and then forcing myself to get up tomorrow. I'd actually already thought about telling Kadence that I didn't feel well and bailing out. Then I thought about all the things that could happen to her if she went on her own and cringed. I didn't want someone to hurt her like someone had hurt me, it wasn't fair.
"That's less than surprising, a stiff dismissing a party," Eric's arrogant voice said as he walked into the room with us. Then he looked over at me and said, "I'm going to be there, blaze. Make sure you save me a dance."
He was healing up nicely, he had a cut on his forehead and bruising on his neck from T's chop to it. The rest of his bruises had disappeared mostly. He wasn't any more on the warpath than usual, he just voiced what he thought more often now.
"I don't know about that," I told him without looking away from T's face. "I'm going to be pretty distracted by Kadence and T tonight…"
That seemed to please him because he left the room with a smirk on his face. Kadence took my hand and pulled me into the bathroom. She said that she needed to do my makeup so I looked perfect tonight, especially considering how interested in me Eric was. That made me cringe a little, but she didn't question why.
In Amity I'd never worn makeup, I didn't see the point because I would've just sweat it off. Kadence was amazing at applying it, she said Candor girls wore it every day. I couldn't imagine the struggle of having to put on an entirely different face every morning before you left your house. It just seemed a bit excessive to me…
She put stuff on my eyelids that I'd seen on other Dauntless females, a black line along the beginning of my eyelashes. Then she put red lipstick on my lips after assuring me that it didn't look bad with my hair. I was so anal about things clashing with my hair, it was the curse of being a redhead.
"So are you going to tell us what's going on between you and Eric or just leave us hanging?" she asked after we went back into the other room where T was sitting on my bed.
"There's nothing going on. He's just an arrogant Erudite transfer that makes it his personal mission to piss me off beyond recognition," I said, feigning indifference as I flipped my hair over one of my shoulders and pinned it into place.
I could tell that they wanted to press the subject more, but it was getting late. After a little (lot) bit of begging, T agreed to go with us. He wore his jeans and t-shirt, but he still looked really good. He just had that effect on whatever he wore and had no idea how attractive he was.
A back corner of the Pit had been sectioned off for the party and it sounded like it was in full swing when we walked in. The smoke that had been in the tattoo place was in here too, except it was a lot thicker in the air. There were flashing lights bouncing off of the walls and music pulsing around. It was unlike anything I'd ever been to in my life, but I loved it!
"Let's go dance!" Kadence shrieked, grabbing my hand dragging me towards the hoard of people moving together.
Much like our first day together, I reached out and grabbed T's hand. He let out a surprised sound when he almost lost his balance and it made me laugh. Kadence started dancing under the pulsing lights and I followed her. The only thing I'd loved about Amity, other than the sunlight, was the dancing.
"It's so easy, just move your body to the beat of the song. It's so dark in here no one can see what you look like," I screamed at T to be heard over the loud music. "You look like a total dolt just standing there while everyone else is dancing!"
He moved his body jerkily and I started laughing before I could stop myself. "Yes, that's really encouraging me to dance with you. Maybe that's why Kadence already left the two of us."
I turned around and saw that he wasn't lying. She was wrapped around Elijah in a way that wasn't appropriate for anyone's eyes. I covered T's eyes with my hand and tried to stifle my laughter, but it was impossible. It tumbled out in peals and his quickly echoed it, taking a hold of my wrist and moving my hand off of his eyes.
"Dance with me, you dork," I told him before tossing one of my arms around his neck and moving along to the song at a more appropriate distance than Kadence and Elijah. "See, it's not that bad."
By the fourth song, T had finally gotten the hang of dancing. He was moving to the music better than I was and I'd grown up dancing! I laughed more than I ever have in my life with him and was again thankful that he was in my life.
"Do you mind if I cut in, stiff?" Eric's voice broke through our laughter.
T looked at me to see if it was what I wanted. I reluctantly nodded and took a deep breath, it was easier to agree once than to fight with him the entire night.
"Yes, but only for one dance. I told T I would be his dance partner all night, isn't that right?" I said, but then I realized that he was already gone. "And you're gone and I'm talking to myself."
"There's no need to be nervous, blaze. It's just a dance," he said before he pulled my body close to his. "There are even witnesses around."
I stepped back and placed a hand on his shoulder as the music slowed down. I was surprised they were playing a slow song, that didn't usually happen at parties. Then I saw more than a few couples start to move to the song, holding onto each other tightly. Oh, everyone was drunk and wanted to dry hump in public. That was nice.
"Look, you make me nervous a lot," I told him as he placed his hands on my waist and guided me around the floor with him. "It's not the good kind of nervous so don't get excited. I don't know how to take you and it drives me crazy. One second you're complimenting my piercing, calling me sexy, and helping me learn to hit a punching bag; then the next you're grabbing my arm, scaring the hell out of me, and causing me to have anxiety attacks."
His face actually softened when he heard that. Then he said said, "I didn't know I caused you to have an attack or anything. I was just pushing your buttons because you get all riled up. You're so cute when you're mad."
That threw me for a loop; he thought I was cute when I was mad? No one had ever said anything like that to me. Despite my fears of having a repeat of the night with Wyatt, I moved my body closer to Eric's. His eyebrows raised in surprise, but his hand stayed chastely on my waist. When he did that, my fear vanished and my lips pulled up into a smile.
"Be careful, Eric, I might think you're my friend," I whispered in his ear, getting rid of the rest of the space between our bodies until we were pressed together. "Or maybe something more."
Eric and I danced together for the rest of the night and he actually made me laugh. I was surprised by the turn of events, but it made me happy at the same time. I finally felt like an initiate should feel. I was happy and anxious and nervous and free all at once.
Eventually it got hard to keep my eyes open and I figured it was time to turn in. I looked around the dance floor and saw that Kadence and Elijah were gone along with T. I guess they'd left way earlier, but I was too distracted dancing with Eric to notice.
"We'd better head back. It's late and we have an early morning," I whispered into Eric's ear during the lull in a song. "I'm pretty sure we're the only initiates still here."
He nodded and took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together, and lead us through the hoard of people. We were almost out when I felt someone else take my other hand. Eric's grip was torn away as I almost lost my balance in my shoes.
"You look sexy as hell, red," Lance slurred, getting too close for comfort to me. "Way too good to not go back with me."
Lance was really drunk and it made me very uncomfortable. As if he sensed it, Eric came up behind me and placed a hand on my lower back. Lance still had my arm in his grip, tightening it considerably when he saw that Eric was with me.
"Dating isn't allowed between initiates, especially two at a time," Lance said. "I saw you dance with the stiff and now you're with the dick."
I felt Eric stiffen further as he pulled me from Lance's too tight grip. "Don't fucking put your hands on her."
I looked up at his face and saw that it was hard. Lance's face mirrored it as he grabbed me by my arm again and pulled me to his body. I felt my breath start to force itself out through my nostrils harshly. I was working up to another anxiety attack. There was too many people in here and I couldn't see what was around me. Too many people were touching me and I had to get away from it.
"Lance, let me go," I whimpered, hating how weak I sounded. "You're hurting me."
"I'm hurting you? You want to be Dauntless, but you're whimpering? You might as well jump the train now join your new Faction," he sneered before he threw my arm down and turned around.
I didn't wait for Eric to leave, I turned around ran out of the party. I had to slow down to pull my shoes off before I fell and hurt myself. That was stupid because it gave Eric time to catch up with me and see that I was trying my best to keep my tears at bay.
"Rhys, are you okay?" he asked, forgoing my nickname and looking at me with pity in his eyes.
That made something inside of me snap and I became cruel. I didn't want his pity, I didn't want him to think I was weak enough to need it. This was a mistake, I should knew better than to ever let someone get too close to me, even if it was for a second like tonight.
"I'm fine, I don't need anyone to put me back together," I told him, wiping my eyes and standing tall. "This was a mistake, dancing with you was a mistake."
I wanted to make him realize that I didn't need him to fix me. I wasn't some broken doll that had to be put together and protected. I saw his face harden in response to my words and it made it easier. If he hated me, he wouldn't try to make another move on me and be disappointed when he found out what I was hiding.
"Whatever," he huffed before slamming his shoulder into mine as he stalked past me.
I waited until he was gone to find a dark corner. I sank down and pulled my knees up to my chest, hiding my face in them. I didn't want to fall apart again, I wanted to be over what happened to me. I hated that Wyatt had such a hold over me when I was in a completely different Faction than he was. I had left my home to put distance between us, but he was still right beside me.
I was so stupid to think that I could ever be free. I was broken and used and no one was ever going to want me. Even if they did, I could never let someone see me for who I was really was. I was too afraid that I was going to be hurt again to ever let someone love me fully. They took whatever they wanted and left you bleeding, literally.
Before I could stop myself, I was thrown into another flashback.
I could hear Wyatt's happy whistle as he left me lying on the ground of the orchard. I couldn't stop myself from sobbing. I ached in places that I'd never ached before and felt so dirty. Wyatt took my purity from me, one of the only things that I've ever cherished. A girl's virtue was one of the only things she had in Amity.
I sat up slowly, trying to ignore the pain shooting through my entire body. I looked down to assess the damage felt fear surge through my body. There was so much blood! It couldn't be normal to bleed that much.
I had no idea what to do to stop the bleeding. I knew that if it was on an arm or a leg you were supposed to cut off circulation or if it was a major organ you were supposed to apply pressure. What were you supposed to do if it was inside of you that was bleeding?
My tears broke free at the memory and were coursing down my cheeks freely now. Lance was right, I should just jump on a train and go be with the Factionless. That's where I was going after the first stage was over and everyone knew it.
"Why are you crying in the dark?" T's curious voice broke through the quiet tunnel I'd stashed myself in before my meltdown. "Did Eric hurt you? I'll kick his ass again without a second thought if I need to."
I reached up and tried to wipe the tears off of my face, but my fingers came back covered in black. Kadence had put eye makeup on me earlier and I was sure it was all over my face by now. I'm sure I was a mess and it just made me cry harder.
"Please leave me alone," I told him, hiccupping. "I don't need you!"
He sat down beside me on the wall and pulled my body close to his despite my harsh words. I knew how big of a thing this was for him, the bodily contact, considering he still blushed when I grabbed his hand sometimes. I laid my head against his chest and wrapped my arm around his stomach and I bawled.
I gasped for enough breath to whisper out, "I was raped."
I don't know what I expected him to do, but pulling me closer and rocking me like a child wasn't one of them. I was basically in his lap as he held me, keeping me from tearing apart at the seams. Whether he was born Abnegation or not, he knew how to soothe me better than anyone I've never known.
"My dad used to hit me," he whispered to me after I'd stopped sobbing.
I wanted to look up at him, but I knew it would embarrass him so I didn't. I just stayed where I was with my arms wrapped around his middle until we finally broke apart to go to bed for the night.
That night our friendship became real. T was my best friend and he knew my best kept secret. The one that I've never told anyone before in my entire life. He told me his biggest secret in return which told me that I was his best friend, too.
Little bit intense, but I wanted to give Rhys more personality and character development. She pushes the people that she cares about away because she's so scared. Mostly of Eric because she really likes him, but she's too nervous to realize it. Yeah.