This chapter is important! It's also not the last chapter, there is still a lot to come!

Things written in italics are flashbacks, if I didn't already state that.

It was a cruel twist of fate that the first time my mother saw me since I switched Factions was with a busted lip, black eye, and bruised ribs. Granted, she wouldn't see my ribs, but there wasn't much that could be done about my lip or eye. I wasn't going to cover them up, I was going to wear them proudly because I'd won.

I knew my mother wouldn't see them as battle wounds or a victory, she'd see them as unnecessary violence. I knew covering them with makeup would be the respectable thing to do, I just couldn't make myself do it. T's face looked about as bad as mine did and it made me smile.

I'd been released from the hospital this morning, about thirty minutes after Eric finally left for the night. He and I had a very in-depth conversation about our pasts in our old Factions, mostly me talking about Wyatt. He was surprisingly calm about the whole thing, rubbing his hands up my arm as I spoke and pressing kisses against my hand when I stumbled over my words. I don't quite know what changed between us last night, but I know a lot did until I messed things up.

"So, what are you doing today?" I asked T as we walked down to the dining hall to meet up with Kadence for breakfast.

"I think I'm going to go hit the punching bag a little bit or throw knives or something," he said, his voice a million miles away.

I was still the only one in our initiate class that knew about his dad and what he'd done to him. I kept tight-lipped about it, knowing that it was something he was very ashamed of. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to be ashamed of what happened to him, much like Eric had told me last night, but I knew he would react just like I did.

"It's not your fault, blaze," Eric whispered to me as he ran his fingers through my hair.

Despite the intense shooting pain I felt when I moved, I forced him to get into the bed with me and hold me. I hadn't let anyone touch me like this in so long, I hungered for the closeness of it. The way it felt when someone else's heartbeat touched your skin and their breath ghosted against your ear.

"I know that, I'm just not ready to tell people about it just yet," I replied, playing with his fingers instead of looking at him. "You and T are the only people that know other than me and whoever Wyatt bragged to about it."

I felt his body go rigid for a second before he relaxed back against me. "You don't have to be ashamed of it, you're a stronger person because of it."

"Excuse me?" I asked, turning my body to face him. "What makes you think I'm ashamed of what happened to me? What makes you think I wasn't strong before it happened? What makes you think he had anything to do with the strength I have or the kind of person I am?"

"Hey, that wasn't what I meant," he said, rubbing my arms and trying to get me to calm down, but I'd been calm for too long. "Please don't shut me out again, Marhysa."

The way he said my name was the final straw. I ignored the pain and put as much distance as I could between our bodies. "This was a mistake, I shouldn't have told you about this. Just leave me alone, okay?"

Needless to say, he was pissed when he stalked his way out of the infirmary that morning. I wasn't lying when I said that l liked Eric, I really did. He just got under my skin and drove me absolutely insane. I also hated that every inch of me smelled like him that morning when I walked back to the dormitory.

I showered it all off, but I couldn't shake the feel of his hands on my skin. It wasn't unpleasant, I just didn't want to like it as much as I did. I didn't ever want to like someone as much as I liked Eric, liking people gave them a hold over you. Telling Eric about what happened to me gave him a hold over me, it gave him a weakness to exploit.

"Rhys? Are you okay? You zoned out," T said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. "Do you want to eat with us or just stand there?"

I hadn't realized we were in the dining hall already, I was too lost in my thoughts. I felt my cheeks turning red as I forced myself down onto the bench between Zeke and T. Zeke hit my shoulder with his and smiled at me before tucking back into his food. I tried to smile back at him, but last night was too vivid in my mind for it to be very believable.

"Are you excited to see your family today, T?" Kadence asked from her spot beside Elijah.

I thought he would freeze or freak out under her gaze, but he didn't even hesitate. "My dad wasn't exactly thrilled that I changed Factions so I doubt he'll be here today."

"You can always tag along with me and my mom if you want," I told him before reaching over him to grab some eggs. "In Amity they accept everyone's kids as their own."

"You're already meeting the parents, stiff? That's fast," Eric said as he took the empty seat beside Elijah.

"Oh fuck off, you're just jealous it's not you meeting them," Zeke joked. "Amity's a prize for anyone to call theirs."

"I'm not a trophy, asshole," I told him, punching him as hard as I could in the shoulder and causing him to drop his fork to the floor. "No one's going to call me theirs, I belong to myself and myself alone."

Zeke held up his hands in surrender before going back to his food. I started eating my food too, ignoring Eric's heated gaze on me. I finished eating and went back to the dormitory to take a pain pill before my mom came. The last thing I needed was for her to see me wincing when I moved, the bruising would be bad enough.

"What's the deal with you and Eric?" Kadence asked, making me jump in surprise. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, Rhys."

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked her, sitting down on my bed and patting a spot for her. "Like, this has to be a total secret just between the two of us. No one else can know about it."

Maybe I was being dramatic, but I knew she loved it. The more I hyped it up, the more special she felt when I told her. I mean, it's not like this is something that I would share with T. He wouldn't care about my love life, especially if it involved Eric.

"Yes! I swear I can keep a secret," she told me, bouncing in excitement as she waited for me to spill my guts to her. "You're driving me crazy!"

"I'm sure you saw the two of us dancing at that party we went to. Well, at the end of the night I told him that it was a mistake, we shouldn't have done anything because we were both initiates," I told her. "He told me that the only thing he wanted from me was sex. That's why he danced with me the whole night, why he was so close to me."

"He's such a dick! That's so not cool!" Kadence exclaimed, a look of disgust on her face. "I'm sure that's not the end of the story, especially considering how he watched you this morning at breakfast."

I let that go and kept going with the story. "The night of capture the flag, he told me he only said that because I said it was a mistake and he kissed me. I mean, I kissed him back, but that's beside the point."

"So you made out with Eric the night of capture the flag?!" she asked in surprise. "That's how you found the flag, wasn't it?"

"No! I saw it before that, he just happened to tell me how it was guarded," I told her, biting my lip in embarrassment. "Then I had to fight him the next day and hurt his pride because I beat him. It all came to a head last night after I woke up in the infirmary. Eric was sitting there with me, holding my hand."

"Eric was there with you?!" she exclaimed, her eyebrows reaching her hairline. "That wasn't something I expected to hear at all! Okay, keep going, I want to know it all!"

I kept out the rape details, but figured I would tell her the rest. "He and I made out again last night and sat around together talking about our pasts and stuff. Then I realized it was stupid to let him get close to me, one of us could be cut today or at any of the other stages."

"You keep letting him get close to you, only for you to push him away. That's not very fair," she told me, it was moments like this that I was grateful for her Candor upbringing. "I feel like there's something you're not telling me, but I'm not going to pry. It just sounds like you're afraid to let Eric get close because you can see a future with him."

I didn't want to admit that she hit the nail on the head. I was scared to let him get too close to me. I knew he wouldn't like what he saw, that's why I told him about the rape. I figured if he knew, he wouldn't want to be with me. I had a lot of baggage and I knew that usually made guys run away as fast as they could. How lucky was I to find the one guy that didn't run?

"The parents are starting to file in," T said, walking into the dormitory with us. "I saw a couple in Candor white. The woman was blonde…"

Kadence's eyes got big and she ran out of the room without looking back. I smiled at T, thankful that he got her to leave. I did genuinely want her view on what was happening, I just didn't think it would be that view. She didn't like Eric, I could see that with the way she looked at him. Yet she was telling me that he liked me without disgust on her face…

"I'm so confused about everything and everyone involved in my life!" I exclaimed, flopping backwards on the bed with my hands over my face.

"Stop being dramatic and go meet your mother," he told me, leaning against the beam of my bed. "I'm sure she can shed some light on this complicated topic. Maybe you can even tell her about some of the things from your past."

"I'm not going to hamper my mother down with the horror stories of my past. I can handle them on my own," I told him, sitting up and smoothing down my shirt. "I love you, T, but that's none of your business."

He held up his hands and nodded his head. "Okay, I get it. I just want you to do whatever you think is best for your situation."

I stood up and wrapped my arms around his torso tightly. He slowly wrapped his around my shoulders and held me just as tightly. We rocked back and forth before I let go and made my way down to the Pit.

My mother's red, billowy skirt and bright yellow top stood out among all the dark clothes. I ran at her full speed and wrapped her up in my arms, ignoring the twinge of pain in my ribs. She turned around and held me close, pressing kisses along the line of my hair.

"That's good, just ignore your father," I heard my dad say from behind us.

I hadn't expected my dad to come with my mom. He seemed beyond upset with me for leaving our Faction, or at least that's what I thought when I'd seen his face the day of the Choosing Ceremony. Yet here he was, looking around the room anxiously with his hands deep in his pockets.

"Hi, daddy," I said, wrapping my arms around him next but not as long. "I've missed you guys."

"Your face! It's all bruised up," my mom said, gripping my chin in her hand and tilting it so she could see the damage. "Marhysa, what are they doing to you?"

"This is my life, mom. I'm not going to lie to you, I got these fighting with another initiate," I told her, pulling out of her grip. "My face looks better this time than it did the last round. Eric's fists did a number on me, T tried to leave it looking beautiful."

"This happened to you willingly, Marhysa? You willingly let boys beat you up?" she asked in horror. "This Faction is monstrous!"

She thought I was too weak to win the fights. She still thought I was the little girl that left Amity so long ago, that I wasn't strong enough to win anything. That made me smile, I was so proud to be strong and resilient. I'd outgrown Amity, I fit in better with the Dauntless than I did with my own family.

"No, mom, I beat both of them in these fights. Me, the tiny redhead, beat boys twice my size," I told her, refusing to be quiet and meager for their sake. "That's what happens in Dauntless, we fight other initiates to make sure we're the stronger ones. I thought it was bad at first too, but I get it now. I want to help you understand it, but you've got to be willing to listen to me."

"Fighting is never justified, Marhysa. I raised you better than that," she hissed, her eyes turning glassy. "How can you think that it's okay to hurt other people? That is not how I raised you, young lady."

I realized that she was never going to understand. She was brainwashed by Amity to think that everyone was good and there was never any need for fighting. I had the fleeting thought in the back of my mind to tell them about the rape, but I knew that was selfish. I would never see them again after today, they didn't need to know that there was evil among them.

"I love you guys. Thank you for coming to see me," I said, forcing myself to smile happily at the pair of them. "Be safe on your way back to Amity."

I hugged them briefly before turning on my heels and walking back to the dormitory. Instead of feeling sad for the loss of my parents, I felt angry at them for not excepting me and my change. I wanted to hit something and I wanted to bad.

I kicked off my boots and cargo pants, replacing them with tight shorts. I went barefoot to the training room, twisting my hair up onto my head and securing it in place. I wanted to hit a punching bag until my knuckles were busted and bleeding.

I saw T hitting a bag and took the one on his side. He and I moved together, the only sound in the room was the slap of our skin on the bags and our harsh breathing. It was almost beautiful, if we weren't doing it with ulterior motives.

"So I'm guessing that the meeting with your parents didn't go well," he said between hits.

"They couldn't justify me hurting someone and letting them hurt me," I explained. "My mom saw the bruised eye and busted lip and made up her mind. Dauntless is bad, Amity is good."

"I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted it to be," he apologized. "Are you wishing that punching bag was me or Eric?"

That actually made me stop punching and start laughing. "I wouldn't mind it being either, to be honest. Want to give me something better to hit, Abnegation?"

He shrugged his shoulders and smirked at me. "Let's leave it on the mat, Amity."

"I think we already did that, I've got the scars to prove it," I told him, walking over to the mat and stretching out my arms. "I would show you the stitches, but they've already dissolved. I'm also pretty sure you'd be permanently embarrassed if I showed you that much skin."

"I never got to apologize for that, Rhys. I wasn't expecting you to stop moving around, I thought it would hit you and jar you into fighting. I didn't mean to cause as much damage as I did," he told me, his eyes relaying his sincerity.

"Shut up and let me kick your ass again," I told him. "Then we'll kiss it and make up."

We didn't fight for real, we just sparred and dodged mostly. We kept going until we worked up a sweat and soreness in our muscles. My ribs had a pulsating pain and I knew my pain killers were fading.

"It should be about time for ranks to be announced," he said from his spot sprawled on the floor beside me. "And, no offence, but you sort of stink. You should take a shower before we go down around other people."

"You don't exactly smell like daises and sunshine, dick," I laughed, getting up and offering him my hand. "Let's head out, I do smell pretty rough."

I showered and smelled heavenly by the time I went back into the dormitory. T was pulling a t-shirt on and I saw a flash of puckered skin. It took me a second to place why they looked so familiar: they were scars. I bet they were from his father, the thought made my blood run a little hotter in my veins. It was probably a good thing his father didn't show his face today, I couldn't promise it would've been pretty.

"Hey, do you want to head down with me?" I asked as I towel-dried my hair. "We both smell better and are fit for public viewing."

I had no idea how, but I was ranked first. I was ranked above Frankie, Leo, T, and all of the Dauntless-born initiates. That was the craziest thing that had ever happened to me and I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.

"Way to go, Amity!" Teagan exclaimed, cuffing me on the shoulder a little too roughly. "Do you want a drink?"

I could tell by her actions and the smell that it was alcohol. I'd tried sips of it back in Amity and had no interest in it. All it did was burn and leave a bad taste in my mouth. I just shook my head and she walked away.

"That was a smooth move, she drinks like a big man," Zeke said, tossing an arm around my shoulders. "You'd better watch your back, Amity, you're number one. That means people are going to be going out for blood."

I saw a couple of Dauntless-born initiates watching my and Zeke's interaction a little too intensely. It didn't dull the feeling of being number one, it just made it sweeter. I was better than all of them at something and that was a win for me.

"Way to go!" Fiona said, coming up to stand with Zeke and me. "I'm impressed, Amity."

It turned out that the four people who got cut were all transfers. Ben, Mariah, James, and Bailey were now Factionless. I didn't say goodbye to them, I just took one of the drinks that Teagan offered me and ignored the burn.

I'd drank half of one when I saw Eric for the first time since breakfast. He had his own drink in his hand, but he didn't look as effected by it as I did. I wasn't drunk, but I was tipsy. I had the sudden urge to go talk to him about the conversation Kadence and I had earlier today. He was off away from the hoard of people with a couple of other initiates by one of the tunnels so I started making my way over there.

"Congrats, red," Lance said, stopping me by wrapping his arm around my middle. "I knew you had some fight in you."

"Yeah, I'm a badass now let me go," I said, struggling to get his arm off of me. "I've got people to see and things to do that don't include you."

His grip on my hip tightened as he lifted me off of my feet. I dropped my cup onto the floor when he started walking with me towards the tunnel. Fear coursed through me as I tried in vain to get out of his too-tight hands.

"Let me go! I don't want to go anywhere with you!" I shouted, hitting his back with my hands and bringing my knees up as hard as I could, but they just hit air.

The alcohol was bogging me down, I couldn't move as precisely as I wanted to. It didn't, however, numb the pain of my back digging into the hard rock walls of the tunnel when Lance pinned me against it. I screamed and brought my knees up only for him to part my legs and hold them still with his.

"I know you've wanted this since the first day we met, red. I saw it in your eyes," he rasped out into my ear as he yanked the button of my pants open and pushed the zipper down. "Now I'm going to give it to you."

"Like hell you are," Eric's voice said from behind him, his hand landing on Lance's shoulder and yanking him off of me. "How many times do I have to tell you to not put your hands on her before it sinks in?"

I thought I would be shaky and terrified when he let me go, but I wasn't. I was suddenly-sober and pissed beyond belief. I wasn't a fragile flower and I was going to kick his ass. I pushed Eric out of the way before I punched Lance straight in the face.

When he went down, I kicked him in the ribs until Eric's arms wrapped around me and pulled me back. "Stop, he's down. You're better than kicking a man when he's down."

I tore out of his grip and ran a hand through my hair. "I thought that if I learned to fight I could protect myself if this were to happen again. But if you hadn't come out here, he would've raped me."

"No, you would've figured out how to get away," he reassured me. "You're ranked number one, after all."

I froze and crossed my arms over my chest. "Thanks, but I think I'm going to go back to the party."

"You don't have to have these walls up between us, Rhys. I want to be with you and keep you safe," he pleaded with me. "I just want to make you happy."

I couldn't speak so I just busied myself with re-buttoning and zipping my pants back up. I hadn't even realized that we'd had that conversation with my panties in clear view. That made my cheeks heat up.

"What's going to happen when you realize that I'm damaged beyond repair, Eric? I'm not this strong girl with an attitude because it's what I want. I'm like this because I'm scared to let anyone get close to me," I told him, sinking down to the ground away from Lance's unconscious body. "I've got so much baggage, it's not worth loving me."

"Whoa, blaze, who said I loved you?" he asked, sitting down beside me on the ground. When he saw I wasn't in the mood for joking, he sobered up, "Pushing me away isn't going to make me stop caring about you, Rhys."

"Why? I've pushed you away with both hands, but you keep coming back," I cried, looking forward instead of at him. "Don't you get tired of it?"

"Do you want to know what I'm tired of?" he asked, turning his body to face me completely. "I'm tired of your beating yourself up over something that you had no control over. I'm tired of you thinking that you're less than amazing. And I'm more than tired of you thinking that you know what's best for me."

"That's what I do, Eric. I push away the people that I'm scared I'll care about," I told him like I was telling him what was for lunch. "I really, really care about you even if I wish I didn't. What are we supposed to do if one of us don't become Dauntless?"

"Are you serious? You're ranked number one right now," he smiled, taking both of my hands in his and rubbing his thumbs over my knuckles again. "I know like hell I'm going to make it, there's no other choice."

"Are you sure you're not going to quit liking me when it's not easy?" I asked him, still avoiding his eyes. "I swear it's not going to be easy, like, ever."

I looked back at him in time to see his lips pull up into a full smile. "Yeah, I can promise you that. I can handle hard."

I couldn't bring myself to kiss him just yet and he seemed to get that. He stood up and pulled me to my feet, too. We just left Lance there and went back to the party. I didn't get anything alcoholic this time, I just danced. I worked my way through all of the initiates, dancing and laughing with all of them, but I always made my way back into Eric's arms.

Thank you so much for reading!