This chapter is my favorite hands down! I am so proud of Rhys and everything that she does in it. I really hope that you all love it as much as I do!

It's been a week since Eric and I have spoken, but, on a brighter note, I've worked my way through four of my fearscapes. I was still trying to work through my fear of the dark, but I knew I was making good progress. I could do this, all I had to do was work through my fears as best as I could and I would be Dauntless. Statistically, people had nine to fourteen fears and I've had five so far. I liked those odds.

Despite that, I was still bothered by T and how quickly he as climbing up in the ranks. I wasn't jealous of him, I was happy, it just made me uneasy. Everyone had taken to calling him Four to commemorate his four fears, the boy literally only had four fears! The only ones he actually told me about where heights and small places. I figured the others were something he needed to keep to himself and I respected it. He also kept how he was soaring up to the ranks to himself and I didn't respect that.

Eric was slowly getting harder and more closed off from everyone else. I hadn't seen him smile since the night at the chasm, he hadn't even looked at me since then. I pretty much ended our relationship that night with little to no chance of it reviving it. I tried to tell myself that it was for the best, but the ache in my chest was hard to ignore.

"So, how many more fears do you think you've got, baby?" Lisle asked me after he sat down at the lunch table with Zeke and Fiona in tow behind him. "You're doing pretty well, I think you're ranked 5th or 6th."

I was ranked 5th, but I wasn't going to correct him. "Tatum said that there's usually nine to fourteen, unless you're T, and I've worked through four already. I'd say I'm doing pretty well, too."

"Elijah is driving me insane!" Kadence announced before slamming down into the seat beside me. "I know these fearscapes are hard, but he's being a baby about them. If he expects to be Dauntless, he's got to be able to handle a little fear without bawling like a baby."

That was basically the split in the Initiate class during this stage. There were those of us who hated the fearscapes but were able to handle them, and there were those of us who were slowly being driven crazy by them. I didn't want to be the one to break it to her, but chances are that if he's handling the fearscapes that badly, he won't make it through initiation. I looked over at Zeke and could tell that he was thinking the same thing, judging by the grim look on his face anyway. Neither of us had the heart to break it to Kadence, she really cared about Elijah.

Thankfully, Lisle started telling us a story about his fear of being covered in snakes to save us from the awkward silence. It was actually hilarious, but it might have just been the way he told it. I was about to tell him about my fear of being permanently sticky and covered with bugs when I met Eric's eyes across the room.

It wasn't like we didn't randomly look at each other a lot, but this time it was different. He was talking to one of the older members of Dauntless and both of their faces were guarded. I wasn't close enough to hear what they were talking about, but something told me that it was a very serious thing. I also couldn't shake the familiar tingly feeling that I always got whenever we looked at each other, but I tried my best to ignore that. We weren't in a semblance of a relationship anymore.

Someone's hand landed on my shoulder and made me jump higher than I should have, but Eric had the ability to distract me. I turned around and saw that it was T behind me and he was smirking like he'd won something. I responded with smiling at him sweetly before digging my bony elbows back into him ribcage. I let out a proud noise when he winced and let out a groan: I won.

"Hey, I was wondering if we could talk?" he asked me after attention left us.

His entire demeanor was off as he spoke. He always had this quiet confidence in everything he did, but that was severely lacking right now. He was also always well put together, but his hair was ruffled and he had bags under his eyes. I didn't have to look at his hands to know that his knuckles were scabbed from taking his frustration out on the punching bags.

"Sure," I told him. Then I looked back at the table and announced, "I'll see you guys after training."

T and I walked in complete silence until we got to the chasm where we couldn't be overheard. That must mean whatever he was trying to tell me was pretty important and hush-hush. That was one of the reasons Eric and I always met here, it kept us out of the public's eye. Even thinking his name was like a bucket of ice water down my back, I had to physically shake my head to make the memories leave.

"What's up? You're kind of freaking me out," I asked him finally.

"What I'm about to tell you can't be spoken about again unless we're here. You can't breathe a word of it to anyone," he said seriously, gripping my hands in his tightly. "It's something that can get me killed, Rhys, and you killed just for knowing about it."

"I swear I won't say anything, you have my word," I promised, moving closer to him. "You know my biggest secret, it's only fair that you tell me yours."

"I think I'm Divergent," he breathed out, barely loud enough to be heard over the harsh water below us.

I'd heard whispers about people being Divergent, but I always thought that it was just a myth. It went against all of the carefully constructed rules that kept our Factions running. Everyone was supposed to fit one Faction better than all of the others, but that wasn't how Divergents worked. They fit in multiple Factions and it caused the system to not work like it should. I'd never even entertained the thought that Divergent could actually be a thing.

"Why? I didn't think that they even existed, I thought they were just horror stories parents told us so we didn't question the system," I replied, clutching his hands tightly.

"Tatum told me that I acted oddly in my fearscapes, I found unusual ways to get out of them. It was also the same at the Choosing Ceremony," he whispered tersely. "I know that I'm in a simulation and I can manipulate what's going on around me. My mom used to talk about them to my dad when I was a kid, but I didn't think they were real either, but now…"

I knew he had to be afraid, the government didn't react nicely to people who threatened the system. There had to be a reason that I had never met a Divergent before nor heard of one genuinely existing in society. For the first time, I felt genuine, bone-chilling fear for someone other than myself.

"There has to be a way to hide it if that's what you are. You can't be the only one that got that result," I said to him. "They're not going to hurt you, I won't let them. I'll do anything I have to do to keep you safe, don't doubt it for a second."

He pulled me close and held onto me tightly. One of his hands was cupping the back of my head and the other held my waist. I held the middle of his torso and pressed my face against his shoulder, trying my best to comfort him any way I could. I knew he had to be really afraid to initiate this much contact so I let him do what he wanted.

"So you can hook up with the stiff in the dark but not me?" Eric's voice broke through the sound of crashing water. "You probably weren't even raped, you wanted it because you're a slut. You probably teased him like you teased me and he took what you already told him he could have."

I heard T growl before whipping me behind him and facing Eric. I expected him to tell Eric off, but he just started throwing punches. I tried to get in the middle and tear them apart only to be pushed out of the way.

"Stop! You guys, stop it!" I shouted, trying to get in again only to be pushed to the ground.

The back of my head cracked against the wet stone ledge and pain exploded across the back of my skull. I didn't have time to worry about it because T had twisted Eric around to press against the rails. I never would have thought he had enough strength to dangle his entire body over the chasm, but he was doing a hell of a good job at it now.

"T! T, stop it!" I shouted, but he didn't even look at me. "Tobias, stop it!"

He seemed to come out of a daze, surprised that he was doing what he was doing. He pulled Eric back over the rail and stepped away from him before pushing his hands into his pockets and looking at his feet. I looked over at Eric in time to see the pure fear on his pale face before he covered it up with an icy sneer.

"You better watch your back, stiff," he spat before turning to face me. "He's going to realize what games you're playing just like I did, just wait and see."

My mind was still reeling from him calling me a slut and saying that I wanted Wyatt to rape me. He and I had had so many heart-to-heart moments about that night, I thought he saw it from my side. That hurt me a lot more than the pain in the back of my head that was currently making it very hard to stand up straight.

I was lucky enough to not have to get stitches this time. I just had to take a serum and it would heal itself, which it did in fifteen minutes. By the time I was released, I had to rush to meet Tatum for more fearscapes. I thought briefly about sitting them out today because of the injury, but I ended up forcing myself up. I chose to be Dauntless and that meant I had to be brave.

"I'm sorry that you got hurt and I'm sorry we fought. I just couldn't let him talk about you like that," T told me as we walked to fearscapes together. "You're not the only one who's trying to keep their best friend alive and protected."

I made him stop walking so I could look at him. "Thank you for being the big brother that I never had and making sure that I'm okay. I love you, you're my best friend, too."

I wrapped my arms around him again and kissed his cheek. I couldn't help but laugh when I felt his face heat up against my neck. He was still such an Abnegation sometimes, but I liked that about him.

I let go of him eventually and followed Tatum inside the room. She seemed happy about my progress because she couldn't stop smiling at me. I thought about asking her what was up but decided against it in the end. She was allowed to have her secrets as well as I was.

"You've gotten four of your fears worked through, you're doing very well. We're going to try the one with the dark again because you're really close," she explained after she hooked me up to the machines. "Once you beat that one, you'll probably go into another one. I just don't want you to be frightened when it happens."

I nodded and tried to calm down my heartbeat so it didn't sound so thunderous on the machine. "Thanks for the heads up, Tatum."

She just smiled before sliding the needle into my neck and starting the simulation. I was somewhere in complete darkness, it was so thick that it filled my ears and nose to almost suffocation levels. I wanted to struggle to breathe, but I refused to do that again. It happened the last time and I had been forced out of the simulation by a panic attack. I just kept reminding myself this time that there was always a way out, I just had to find it.

The last time I'd been through the simulation, I realized that I needed to crawl so that's what I did. I recognized the feel of dirt and rock under my hands: I was in the apple orchards. When I realized that, the scents started to come forward of apples and sweat. It wasn't as comforting as I would've thought it would be and it surprised me. I guess I really wasn't Amity anymore.

I continued forward on my hands and knees until I came to a tree. I used the trunk of it to guide myself up before reaching up to find a branch. If I climbed high enough, I knew I could see the lights of the compound. I figured that as long as I found some light source, I could beat this simulation.

Back when I still lived in Amity, I climbed trees all of the time and became good at it. I never thought it would be so much harder to do in the dark. I had to reach out with my feet and test the branches, hoping that they were strong enough to hold my weight. That method was going well until one of the branches snapped and sent me hurtling back down to the ground. As much as I wanted to stay there, I forced myself back up and started climbing the tree again. I had to get to the top.

I finally made it to the top of the tree and perched on the highest branch I could get to. One of the first things you learn in Amity is direction and I was really grateful for that. I knew to look north to see the compound and the flickering lights of the candles along the outskirts.

Just like Tatum warned me it would, the simulation morphed into a different one. I was in the same orchard, but the lights around the edges were lit up this time. I had on a yellow and white paisley skirt with a red peasant top and my hair in a braid. I knew this night was better than I knew anything in the entire world: this was the night I was raped.

I should've realized that this was going to be one of my fears. It was my biggest fear whenever I was conscious of everything, so why wouldn't it be whenever I was unconscious? Just like I knew it would, I heard Wyatt's boots crunching on the leaves behind me.

"What are you doing out here, Mar? It's late and picking's over," he said, crouching down next to me and making my heart start trying to beat its way out of my chest. "You never know what's lurking around in the dark looking for pretty girls like you."

I dropped my basket of apples and they went rolling in different directions, but I was too scared to pick them up. Wyatt pounced on me and pinned me down against the dirt. Everything I've learned while I was in Dauntless about fighting left my head as I struggled in vain to get away from him. He pushed up my skirt and ripped my panties down my legs.

Before anything else could happen, I was pulled out of the simulation. I struggled to breathe normally but failed completely. Tatum gently removed all of the sensors from my body and helped me up into a sitting position. I wanted to thank her, but I couldn't make my mouth form words.

"That wasn't something your brain made up, was it, Amity?" she asked, rubbing my arm soothingly. "That actually happened to you, didn't it?"

I wanted to shake my head, but I couldn't make myself stop shaking. Tunnel vision started to develop in my eyes and made me lightheaded. I hated letting Tatum see me look weak like this, I channeled that hate into something that could help me; I let it slow my breathing down.

"I've never seen someone pull themselves out of an anxiety attack like that before," she told me after I sat up straight and my vision stopped being fuzzy. "I'm impressed."

"Thanks," I said quietly, looking everywhere but her face. "Can I go? I'm exhausted, I just want to go to sleep."

Tatum nodded and moved out of the way so I could leave. I waited until I was out of her vision to run the entire way back to the dormitories. I was more than relieved when I saw that it was empty which meant I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. I could just hide until tomorrow and that sounded amazing.

I kicked off my boots and laid in my bed with my blanket pulled up over my head. I tried to block out all of the voices bouncing around in my mind. There were so many of them: my mother saying I was ungrateful, Wyatt telling me I wanted it, Eric calling me a slut. I didn't want to hear them, I didn't want to be this person anymore. I didn't want to live this life anymore.

I held my knees tightly to my chest like it was going to keep me from falling apart. I heard footsteps in the room but didn't come out from under the covers. I just hoped that they would ignore me and keep going with their lives. The last thing I wanted was to explain why I was having a breakdown under the covers. That would brand me as weak and easy to take out, and that was the last thing I needed right now.

"Wow, the Transfers get body shaped pillows? That's so not fair, but you're beds are total shit," Lisle said before I felt the end of my bed dip with his weight.

I wanted to stay under the blankets and hide from him. I knew I'd been crying and probably looked like a little kid. Despite all of that, I forced myself to sit up and pulled my knees under my chin after I'd scrubbed my face with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Here you go, you see that I'm weak. I'm a scared little girl that's going to be Factionless," I told him without looking away from the wall. "Now you're going to go tell everyone that I'm this broken doll that's easy to beat."

He reached out and brushed the hair out of my face. "I have a little sister, you remind me a lot of her. You're both tiny but so, so fierce, you're never going to let anyone think that you're anything but strong. Being weak doesn't make you any less Dauntless, I won't think anything less of you and neither will anyone else."

"I didn't know you had a sister," I forced out, turning my body to face him.

"Yeah, she got herself into some trouble and realized that she had to be hard to be Dauntless. Next year, when she turns 16, she's going to switch to Abnegation," he told me. "But you don't know that and neither do I."

That made me laugh before I could stop myself. It was a hiccup, but it made him smile and bump our shoulders.

"Being weak isn't a bad thing, baby. It teaches you that you don't always have to be strong to survive," he explained, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger as he spoke. "You've kept yourself alive all this time even after whatever happened to you happened. What does that tell you?"

I shrugged my shoulders, but I knew where he was going. I sat my chin on my knee and looked up at Lisle. His eyes were so kind and he had such a sweet face, it surprised me that he was a Dauntless-born. He had the face on an Amity, but his heart was good and it gave me hope that not everyone here was hard to the core.

"That should tell you that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. If you've survived this long being weak, imagine how much you'll survive when you're strong," he told me, tugging my curls playfully before standing up. "Do you feel any better or did I just make it worse?"

Well damn, that was something I'd never thought about. I'd never associated being weak with being strong, but it sort of made sense. I wasn't going to lie, I had thought about ending everything, but I never did. I'd kept myself alive even when I thought it was weak, I could only do better when I believed I was strong.

All the people that I was close with had told me basically the same thing, but it was different when it came from someone who barely knew me. It was more real coming from Lisle than T or Eric.

"You helped a lot more than I thought you would," I told him.

That seemed to be a good enough answer because he kissed the top of my head before leaving me along in the dormitories. After he was gone, I made my way to the Pit and found Tatum sitting with a group of people. Lance was one of them, but I didn't even look at him.

"I want to redo my last fearscape. Is that possible?" I asked her, standing tall and squaring my shoulders. "I know how to beat it."

I saw a lot of emotions play out over her face before she finally spoke. "Are you sure? You don't have to go back in until tomorrow, no one's going to make you."

"The only way I'm going to get over this is if I face it head on," I told her openly. "I promise you that I can beat it this time, it's not going to be one of my fearscapes anymore."

"If you're wrong, you've just got to go back through it tomorrow. Are you ready to face that?" she asked, but I could tell that she's already made up her mind.

I nodded before walking off to the simulation room and leaving her to hurry behind me. I was grateful for the silence, I needed time to gather myself before I had to go back under. I knew that there was always a way to break through the simulation, I just had to find it.

I was hooked up to the machine and Tatum had the needle poised at my neck. "This is your last chance to back out, Amity."

"I'm not scared, I'm Dauntless," I told her, looking her defiantly in the eye.

I was back in the orchard with Wyatt's hand on my throat this time. I wasn't aware that the simulations could change, but it made sense. As much as it hurt, I looked around for something to get him off of me. I did my best to ignore his hand snaking under my top and could've cried when my eyes landed on my apple basket.

They weren't very heavy things, mostly made of wicker, but it was sturdy. It was my best tool at getting him off of me. I reached out and barely brushed my fingers against it. Thankfully it was round so it rolled to me so I could grasp it.

I swung it at his head and heard it make a sickening crunch noise. He rolled off of me and groaned, clutching his head as I pushed myself to my feet. Wyatt followed and rounded on me, but I wasn't afraid of him anymore. I was going to fight him back and get him away from me.

"I'm not afraid of you anymore!" I screamed at him. "I'm weak, but that's what makes me strong!"

I felt like I was being pulled out of water when the simulation ended. I was awake and all of my nerves were pressed against my skin. I had actually beaten Wyatt, I had pushed him away and made it stop. It didn't undo what happened to me, but it did make me feel stronger.

"Congratulations, Amity, that's one more fearscape that you've conquered."

Thank you so much for sticking with this! I'm sorry my updates are so spotty, but I'm currently in Kentucky and there's at least a foot of snow outside my university.