Chap2
Someone gave me your letter, but it's too late. I'm too late. When I finally escaped I went to the secret place we had, hoping that I'd get there in time. But no! I didn't have any luck, and I lost everything. Because of some morons who couldn't face the fact that gender doesn't matter, only love is important. You were the first man that I fell in love with, and you'll be the only one. In fact, you'll be my last love, no more of this nonsense. I promise you Rodney, I'll do the right thing, like you.
I know that whoever reads this letter will be baffled, but you've changed me. That's right, Love; you've made me a better man. I know you'll never read this, but I need to write what you've been to me, maybe they'll understand. I know that it's the separation that killed you, and it'll kill me. I've only hung on for you. Anyway! As I said before, I owe you. You've made me see that despite being military, I can be who I am, I mean really am. I've always hidden part of myself; the fact that I was smart, or... in love with you. I had a hard time with that one, if I must be honest. And the point of this letter is that... honesty.
When I met you, I didn't know whether to be impressed or annoyed. You were a scientist; however, when I asked you to join my team, you accepted eagerly. You were so brave; even when scared shitless, you managed to pull yourself together to find a solution, and save the team. Slowly, as time came and went, you grew on me. You were my best friend and when I began to realise that my feelings went deeper than mere friendship...I freaked. I realised this when I was in the jumper with the Wraith breathing down our necks. When I was about to blow up, my only regret was my last words to you; it was an epiphany, and a shock, to be frank. When I came back, I didn't know what to do, I tried to keep you at arms length, but you never let it go. The more I tried to push you away, the more determined to understand you became. I wanted to talk to someone, to ask for help, but you were the only one to whom I would go, and as it was about you, I couldn't. I knew you were not totally straight, but I was; before you that is.
One night, you came to my room and asked me what you had done for me to behave like this. You seemed so lost; I knew that I couldn't keep on going like that, so I talked. I told you what was going on in my head; I told you about my fear, my feelings. I expected you to laugh, but you only took me in your arms as I cried. You helped me calm down and told me to take my time to sort out my feelings; that you'd wait for me. That night, you told me that you'd loved me for a long time, and you held me all night long. When I woke up the following morning, I knew then that you were the only and the last one for me. When I told you that, you smiled at me. Not your usual grin, but a real shy smile, and you smiled like that only for me.
You were afraid for me, for my career; but I told you that it didn't matter, that I'd gladly lose all of it for you; and I did that. I know that you waited to make love to me; you waited for me to take the first step. The first time... you let me take you and I thought it was heaven; but when you loved me the next night, I knew what you meant by becoming one and I never wanted it to end. But reality caught us up, and we were separated.
I was taken to a place where you couldn't reach me, and I couldn't give you news. I know now, that it's not the separation that compelled you to take your life; it's the absence of news that made you do that. It's the fact that you didn't know where I was. But it's over now, I'll come find you, wherever you are, and nobody will be able to prevent that.
I love you, today and forever.
So long, Rodney.
John.