I'm sorry for the long time between updates! What a failure on my part. I hope you like this chapter. Cashmere and Gloss finally make their proper debut and the sexual content gets a bit more amped up. Just a bit for now... Anyway, hope you like it and if you do, PLEASE review!
Chapter Six
The next day, Finnick suggests looking for an apartment. I agree that it sounds like a good plan, as it's not like I can stand being in this hotel room any longer, so we head out, me wondering where to even go to look for a place to stay. He suggests a building a few blocks away because some of the other victors stay there when they come to the Capitol. However, upon meeting with the apartment manager about openings, he tells us they're full, but if we try the building to the left of this one, there might be some availability.
The apartment manager of this building advises that there are a few open units to choose from, so we are taken on a tour of one of them. He glances at the two of us with a flicker of recognition. However, he doesn't make a big deal of who we are, to my immense relief. Finally, someone who treats me like a normal person – that alone makes me want to choose a place here, since I have no choice in the matter about going home for a few weeks and I really don't want to spend any more time in that hotel room. The apartment has a kitchen the size of mine back in Victor's Village, which is more than big enough, as well as a dining room with a glass oval table that seats ten, a large common room with a huge TV and two bedrooms, each with their own huge bathrooms, including a massive shower, just like the one in the tribute center, and a separate jetted bathtub.
"This place is nice. What floors do you have available?" I ask; he replies that the highest floor available is thirty-five and the lowest is ten.
After deliberating, Finnick decides on the 35th floor as do I, so that we can at least have an amazing view of the city. We also decide that we're going to share an apartment together. Though neither of us says it, I know we're both thinking that if we have each other close by, we'll have someone to always go to if things get really bad with a client. I still don't have any idea on what to expect with these clients, but I doubt it'll make me feel like sunshine and daisies, which are two of my favorite things to see in District 3; daisies are a bit of a rarity though with there being so little green space but the sunshine feels glorious after a long day in school or working on another design of my parents'.
If the complex manager finds it odd that two young people of the opposite sex are choosing to share a place together, but don't wish to share bedrooms (yes, obviously we made sure it was a two bedroom apartment because though cuddling with Finnick the past couple of nights has been lovely, I need my own space), he doesn't say anything. He just brings us to his office where we sign our contract which lists how much we pay (which is more than double the amount of the average apartment in 3) and when the funds are due. He explains that if the apartment is damaged at the end of our year lease, we will be responsible for the cost. Finally, after other boring details are hashed out, he asks us if we have any questions; which neither of us have, so he goes to another room to get our keys and informs us we can move our belongings in at any time.
After going back to the hotel to get our luggage, we make our way back to the apartment and take a glass elevator up to the 35th floor. I stare down at the entryway, which quickly grows smaller and smaller, then lean into Finnick. He wraps his arm around me and once the doors open, we step into the hallway and make our way to the 5th apartment on the floor. We step inside and are greeted by a place that looks almost identical to the one we'd been shown earlier – the only difference being that this one is laid out like a mirror image of the other one. I discover my room has a view of the river and sigh – at least the view is amazing.
I flop on my bed and stare at the white ceiling, wondering if Mom has had a chance to tell Dad about me spending more time here and what he's saying. Is he screaming at her? Has she told my brothers? Are they threatening to come here and drag me home, no matter how much I resist (not that they'd ever be allowed on a train here)?
I dig my finger nails of my right hand into the palm of my left hand and try not to think about my family's reactions any longer, but all I do is picture my father throwing things against the wall while my mom cries. Unable to take the images any longer, I jump off my bed and head to the room next door where Finnick is. Seeing him on the phone, I step back from the threshold and turn to go into the common room to turn on some mindless Capitol TV when I hear him say, "Corella," the name of Snow's assistant. He informs her of where we're living.
Oh yeah, Snow wanted to know of our living arrangements, I think. He surely wants to know them so he can send people over with our assignments; how else would we know where our clients are waiting for us?
After a few more minutes of conversation, Finnick ends the call and turns to face me where he informs me that Snow will be sending someone over in six days with our first assignments; in the mean-time he will be sending over a couple of other victors to advise us on what we can expect. I know Snow said this to us before, but it surprises me somewhat that we're actually getting coaching on this matter – he's someone who you'd think would just want us going into these arrangements as confused as possible. However, I guess it would reflect poorly on him that his victors are so clueless about these matters and he couldn't possibly have that! Can't have President Snow looking bad, can we?
Thinking about this makes me want to do a horrible job, thus making him look foolish, but then I remember that Snow could easily kill one of my loved ones and I don't want my dad to have some suspicious accident because of my rebellious behavior. Better to do exactly as Snow suggests - a thought that brings a grimace to my face.
"Did he say which victors?" I ask Finnick, whose attention is on the view outside.
"No," he replies absentmindedly, "just that they're coming here tomorrow afternoon at some point."
"I hope it's not Jax, Brutus or Enobaria. Or, for that matter, anyone from District 2." I shudder, which draws his attention to me.
"Not a fan of District 2, I see. How come?" I notice that he keeps crinkling up the hemline of his shirt, then lets it go and crinkles it back again. For whatever reason, he seems incredibly nervous, more so than even when meeting Snow, where he just seemed angry or dejected.
"They're terrifying," I admit. "They're like, savage almost. Who rips out the throat of a fellow tribute and then glorifies it by sharpening her teeth, like Enobaria did? Who takes pleasure in repeatedly stabbing someone with a knife, making sure to draw out the pain as long as possible, like Jax did? These people are lunatics."
Finnick gives a hollow laugh. "They are somewhat savage, but I did properly meet Jax at his Victor's Party and Enobaria at mine as well as other functions around the Capitol, and they're not like that all the time."
I shake my head. "If you say so, but I really don't want them trying to teach us how to be satisfactory with clients; I wouldn't trust them to give us good advice!"
Finnick continues playing with the hemline of his shirt and then says he wants to get something to eat, a suggestion that doesn't surprise me at all, so I agree to go with him. Luckily, there's a small café attached to the building on the first level, so we end up going there to get various croissants and crepes. He also gets a coffee, a drink that's never appealed to me very much so I decide on a hot chocolate. I'm aware of how calorie riddled the sweet food and drink are, but frankly right now, I couldn't give a damn, so I savor the taste.
Luckily, we're the only two people in the café except for a harried looking businessman in a purple and green suit who doesn't even glance in our direction. Our waitress is someone who has the appearance of an old woman trying to look youthful, but no amount of makeup and surgery can change the fact that her throat is growing kind of sunken in, a look all too common amongst older people in my district. The woman doesn't treat us as though we're anyone special except to come by and make sure the food is satisfactory every five minutes, as though worried that we'll take advantage of our victor status to get her fired if our food were to be unsatisfactory. I'd never be like that, but I wonder if other victors have done precisely this in the past.
The food's amazing, of course, but Finnick is awfully quiet. He concentrates on his food so much that I wonder if it holds the key to getting rid of Snow, and when I ask him what's on his mind, he just shakes his head and says, "Never mind."
Once we pay for our food, he asks me to go back up to our apartment. Not knowing what else to do, I agree and we take the elevator back to the 35th floor.
Once inside our apartment, Finnick goes over to the sofa in the common room; I join him and look expectantly at him. Obviously, he wants to talk to me about something important for him to have made a big deal about us coming back to here.
He takes my hand in his and squeezes it, which sends volts of electricity through my arm, like every other time he's done this. The sensation brings me to a time back home where I felt something similar in my parents' workplace when I was working on various electrical devices that still needed a lot of work done on them. One was dangerous enough to actually shock me. My dad came rushing over when he heard me gasp from the electrical current and he yanked the device from me and sent me home saying he didn't want me to get hurt. It seems as though whenever Finnick grips my hand, it brings about this same reaction. I wonder if anyone in District 3 has a theory as to why that is. Maybe Beetee would know.
"What do you want, Finnick?" I ask curiously.
He takes a deep breath, looks away, and then looks back at me. His pulse is racing so fast, I worry he's going to faint on me and what I know about medical treatment you could fit in a drop of rain.
"Aurie?" he asks in a shaky voice.
"Finnick, it's ok," I say reassuringly, then become really concerned he's going to faint because he's starting to sweat a bit, so I lean closer to him and wrap my arm around him, rubbing his back. My mom did this once after one of my nightmares right after I'd come back from the Games and it relaxed me; so maybe Finnick's having a panic attack brought on by his Games and rubbing his back will help him too.
"I'm just thinking about something and…well…"
"Just say it, Finnick," I say in as calm a voice as I can, continuing to rub his back.
"I don't want to lose my virginity to some Capitolite," he says in a low voice. "I'm just thinking…maybe…we…"
I pull away from him and stare at him, understanding his unspoken thoughts. "You think that we should have sex? Oh, no. I can't. I'm sorry." I shake my head and look away, suddenly feeling nervous around him. I can't believe he'd suggest having sex! But then again, he's a boy so isn't it to be expected?
"I'm not saying this to try to force something on you. It's just that, I don't think you want your first time to be with some strange looking Capitolite who is paying to do to you whatever they want, any more than I do."
I hug my knees to my chest. "No, I don't want that, but it'll ruin everything between us, Finnick! Sex is supposed to be between two people who are in love and want to get married, or are already married. Furthermore, I don't want to end up pregnant."
"Oh, right. Well of course we'd wait until you get on some sort of birth control that they have here."
"I can't, Finnick," I say in a little girl voice. "I'm too young for this. I'm scared. I want my mom and dad!"
Whoa, way to keep it together, Cransin, I scold myself inwardly. I can't even figure out exactly why I'm so terrified of the thought of sex with him. I guess it's partially because I have no idea what sex entails, other than a man's sexual part going into a woman's sexual part (hooray for nonexistent sex teaching in District 3 schools), but I do know that it can really mess with your mind, at least according to a couple of neighbors who I overheard talking to my parents. Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back complicates it. Not getting it enough can make matters worse between couples and actually led to the scandal of the neighborhood when the couple across the street got divorced because of cheating.
So, what would sex with Finnick do to my budding relationship with him, especially sex when neither of us is in love? Sure, maybe someday I'd want sex with him, but years later, when we're in love and are going to get married.
Finnick sighs, looking uncomfortable at my outburst and goes into the kitchen. Next thing I know, he's presenting me a glass of water (the apartment must've come with some essentials), which I accept gratefully and drink quietly. He turns on the TV and pays attention to some sort of drama.
"Um, Finnick?" I ask softly after I finish the glass of water. He looks back at me and raises his eyebrows. "It's nothing against you; I told you I like you, but I'm scared. I don't know what things are like in 4 but in 3 we aren't really taught anything about sex and I just don't want to ruin our friendship, which I'm sure would happen."
He gives me knee a squeeze for a second and says, "No worries, Aurie."
I'm not really sure I believe him, but I don't know what else to say. If only I had my friends here, ones who actually have experience dating!
Finnick and I fall into an awkward silence, which makes me feel as though time is going by slower than it did even in the arena, where so much of my time was spent hiding in a tree or a hole, completely alone without a thing to do, except trying to stay alive. Every time I open my mouth to say more to him, I find myself unable to come up with the right words, so I end up staying silent. Eventually, he gets up and announces he's going for a walk around the Capitol. I figure he'd rather I didn't come along, so I stay back and lay on the sofa, not having a clue how to convey to him that I'm not trying to put him down but that this is such an ordeal to me that I wish he could just understand. However, if I've learned one thing from having two brothers, it's that they don't really understand what goes on in a girl's head.
After laying there for what feels like an eternity, I wonder how much longer Finnick will be gone. The TV becomes dull background noise; I stare up at the ceiling and wish it could give me answers to what I need to know. What is sex like? Would it ruin everything between me and Finnick? What do I even have going on with Finnick, anyway? Sure, we kissed a couple of days ago, but though it meant a great deal to me as my first kiss, I doubt it meant as much to him. After all, he already said he thought his girlfriend that he had when he was fourteen would be his first time so obviously they had already done a lot of kissing. For all I know, I'm a terrible kisser, even though he said he liked kissing me; maybe he was just being nice to me. Maybe all Finnick sees of me is a friend, because I am so bad at kissing. Maybe having sex with him won't do anything to whatever we have in his eyes; maybe he'll still view me as a friend.
I suddenly feel an ache of nostalgia for the time before I ever had been reaped for the 67th Games, a time when I didn't even like any specific boys.
Flashes of the tributes I killed pass through my vision as I continue to stare at the ceiling; closing my eyes offers no relief, in contrast, I see their faces bolder than ever.
"Go away!" I yell at the images. "Stop torturing me! Leave me alone!"
I hear Moarey's cackle that she made right before I stuck her with my electro cuter.
"Make it stop!" I scream, and begin to pound my head in with my fists, trying to do something to make them go away.
Suddenly, I hear, "Aurie! What's the matter? Talk to me!"
I look up through my eyes that I'd been squeezing shut and see Finnick staring over me, his brows furrowed with concern.
I reach up and grab him and pull him down on top of me and begin shaking like a hysterical person. "Finnick! I can't take this anymore! I can't stop seeing them! They torture me when I sleep; they torture me when I'm awake. I want them gone. I can't live like this anymore."
He doesn't say anything; instead he just pulls me up a little bit but keeps a hold on me and rocks me back and forth, which steadily causes the images to fade away until they're gone, at least for the time being. Whatever calming affect Finnick has on me I can't understand but it sure works. It's stupid but it makes me feel even worse that I hurt his feelings.
He finally lets me go once the crying subsides and the shaking stops, as well. "Aurie, I'll be there for you to help you through the aches and pains; we're victors and we're in this together." He squeezes my hand and then gets up. "By the way, I heard you out in the hallway. I was right by the door so that probably contributed to it, but I wonder if there's a way we can make this place more soundproof so that if you or I do end up having attacks, no one outside our apartment can hear us."
I bite my lip and nod. "Oh, and Finnick?" I start shaking, but this time from nerves. "I really am sorry I said I wouldn't um, you know…" He nods and his face grows red. "It just, took me by surprise is all; I know absolutely nothing about sex and they make it seem so, I don't know, stupid, not very fun, a waste of time and something that only makes sense between people in love, back in 3. I guess because being in love takes away a lot of the distractions that come from it. My brothers say that it can be quite distracting. Well, not, um, sex because that's not something they'd ever talk to me about, but being really attracted to someone. I don't know, I'm just rambling so I'm going to shut up now. Damn, I hate being from the weird, tech district!" Melodramatically, I throw myself face first into the pillows. I suppose, though that I'd rather think about the awkwardness of attraction than dead tributes from my Games.
He laughs slightly and pulls me to a sitting position. "I don't want you to feel bad. We'll think of something. Let's just see how the, um, lessons or whatever they are, with the other victors go. This will be weird, seeing as I kind of know these people and now they're going to tell me how to be good at seducing weird Capitol women." He looks closer at me and then continues, "Oh and Aurie, you're not weird; your district may have some unique individuals but you are far from weird. You really are beautiful, you know."
My heart speeds up at him calling me "beautiful" once again. I blush and look down at my hands which I have placed in my lap.
"Thanks, Finnick, you're really something, and for me, that's something good."
He gives me a kiss on the cheek and then we end up watching mindless Capitol programming and laugh as we make fun of it.
The next day starts off with a knock on my door that wakes me up. I sit up and say loudly, "What is it?"
"Corella says the victors will be over in an hour. I went out and brought breakfast. Come out and have some," Finnick calls.
I stumble to the door and open it to see him with this huge grin on his face as he holds out a cup and muffin for me. "Hot chocolate," he informs me, "and a muffin with four kinds of chocolate; I figured you'd like that."
I nod and take them from him; walk past him toward the dining room and sit at the glass table and proceed to inhale my muffin. He sits across from me and eats a couple of other muffins and drinks his coffee.
As we sit there eating, he puts on this musical channel that the Capitol offers and plays some of that ridiculously repetitive rubbish that is apparently really popular here. He gets up and starts dancing around the living room like a complete madman, but it makes me laugh. Once he sees I've finished my breakfast, he pulls me up and forces me (ok, he didn't really force me) to dance with him. Good thing he's such a bad dancer, because next to sex, dancing is the least important thing to do for us young people in District 3. I don't feel so bad about having no rhythm and instead, laugh as Finnick and I echo each other in terrible, jerky movements. He does one of those weird hip thrusts and pulls me close to him; then spins me around, picks me up and lifts me above his head. He keeps spinning us around and I grow dizzy so I call out giddily, "Finnick, let me down!"
He lowers me to the ground but thanks to all of that spinning, I really am dizzy, so I fall backward onto one of the chairs and pull Finnick down on top of me.
Breathing heavily, I gaze into those unbelievably gorgeous sea green eyes and make no attempt to move away from him. His face grows ever closer to mine and I'm sure he's going to kiss me when I hear the doorbell ring, resulting in a tiny shriek of surprise from me.
"Fuck, the doorbell," Finnick mutters. "Well, it's probably our um, I don't know…coaches or whatever they're supposed to be."
I realize that I'm still in my sleep clothes and my hair's still a ratty mess, but decide I don't really give a damn; they saw me looking worse than this considering I spent over two weeks in the arena not combing my hair and bathing.
Finnick goes and opens the door. Standing in the doorway are Cashmere and Gloss, looking back and forth at us. Finnick moves aside so they can step into the apartment. I can't say I'm thrilled to see them, though I am grateful they're not from District 2, but they both came across as fake when I met them at the Victor's Party. Whatever advice they have for me isn't probably going to be helpful.
Cashmere raises an eyebrow when she notices my messy hair and sleep clothes. "Finnick, getting into the spirit of things already?" She elbows him playfully and then waggles her eyebrows at him.
"No!" Finnick says, going red in the face. "Not at all; I just bought her breakfast and then we were dancing to the music."
Gloss laughs and mutters something that sounds like it's a likely excuse; I narrow my eyes at him. No one is going to make me seem like a slag especially not some former career with such a stupid name.
"Well, let's begin this, shall we? I'll talk to you privately, Aurie," Cashmere says, looking serious all of a sudden. "Shall we go to your room and leave the boys out here to discuss other matters?"
Finnick and I look at each other and shrug. I nod and lead Cashmere to my room; once inside I shut the door and we sit on the bed, facing each other.
She gets right down to business and explains to me that firstly, I'll be expected to go on assignments one to three times a day. Occasionally, I'll have a day free. She suspects that some of her clients are fans of me, but that I also appeal to different men than her. She explains that I have a younger vibe about myself and also an innocence she never gave off as a member of the careers. On and on she explains about what the men here expect.
"Occasionally, there will be women that will want to spend time with you," she then warns. "I don't know how District 3 feels about same sex relationships; it's a little more accepted in my district than some of the outlying ones, but it doesn't matter; Snow will expect you to do whatever they want. If you have to, well, perform oral on a woman, then you're going to have to do it, unless you want her to report negatively to Snow and then well, you never know what will happen to one of your family members back home."
I shudder. "Yeah, in District 3, same sex couples are pretty much forbidden. Something about it being unnatural. The peacekeepers murdered a couple of men who were caught kissing there a few years ago, well it was marked as a mysterious disappearance, but we all knew they'd been killed. I can't imagine being told that who you love is unnatural, but personally I don't know anyone who feels romantically about someone who is the same gender as them. I…don't know, this sounds pretty freaky about having to do sexual acts with a woman." I think back to her commenting about performing something called "oral" on a woman. When we talk about something being oral in 3, we mean that it's something spoken, but I doubt that's what she means. What's sexual about me having a conversation with a woman? "Um, Cashmere, what's oral?"
She does a double take. "Ok, hold on here. You really don't know what it means to perform oral on someone?" I shake my head, feeling stupid because this is apparently something she expects a seventeen year old girl to know all about.
"Oh." She purses her lips for a second, clears her throat and then continues, "Well, I can tell you about it, but firstly, I think I need to know how sexually experienced you are. We can better discuss what you'll need to do and the best ways of handling being with someone you may find completely repellent if you tell me about your sexual history."
My face is on fire as I admit that I've never had sex and barely know anything about it, thanks to it being such an unimportant part of life in 3.
"Shit, you're a virgin. Oh no, I'm so sorry, Aurie. You don't deserve to have your first time be with a Capitolite; no one deserves that pain. Honestly, I'm going to make a suggestion right now – that you pick a victor who's here to lose your virginity to in the next few days. You may not be all that attracted to them, but at least they'll take care of you and try not to hurt you. Unfortunately, the men of the Capitol probably won't give a shit if you're in pain. And yes, I'm not going to lie; sex is painful your first time. It's less painful if you're with someone you actually want to be with." She stops at this point when she sees my face likely going green; I know I certainly feel like I'm going to be ill. My head is spinning and I'm growing weaker by the second.
"Ok, lay down, Aurie. I'll get you a drink of water," Cashmere says in a softer voice.
A few minutes later, she hands me a cup of water, which makes me think of Finnick and how he did the same thing when I freaked out on him for suggesting we have sex yesterday. I accept the drink and throw it back in one gulp. She puts her hand on my shoulder comfortingly and says, "Well, you should ask Finnick to have sex with you! He is the most gorgeous boy ever and you're comfortable enough around him to be dancing in your pajamas with sleep-ratty hair. He's really nice; I guarantee he'd take care of you."
My face again grows hot at her words, but then I think about her calling him "the most gorgeous boy ever" which seems weird for someone who's what, four years older than us, to say. How can someone who's twenty-one find a seventeen year old gorgeous? I know that Capitol women find him gorgeous, but they're obviously…quite strange. I figured that someone from one of the districts would be less likely to be like that. But, who knows? I decide to let it go. Who knows what she meant by calling him gorgeous? Anyway, she is right in that he is the most gorgeous boy ever, even if it's strange that she seems so certain that he'd take care of me.
When I ask her what she meant by him taking care of me, she explains that since she's known him for two years she knows how nice he is. "Don't tell me you haven't seen how nice he is yourself? You don't believe he's really like how he comes across in all of the propaganda."
I shake my head. "No, I've figured out that he has a fake persona he puts on for the Capitolites and that in reality he's quite different from that."
"Ask him, then," she urges. "If you don't want to have your first time be with him, then you could always ask Gloss." I do a double take, creeped out that she'd suggest her brother be my first time. She laughs in response and says, "I know what Gloss has to do, Aurie; as if him teaching you the ropes, so to speak, really bothers me. He'd look after you, too. I could always ask Corren, you know him right?" I shrug. "District 8? He was at your Victory Party. He won the 61st Games."
"Oh, right. Yeah, him. Nah, he's too old."
"Then, want me to ask Jax?"
I shudder. "No! Absolutely not him. Anyone but him. He terrifies me."
She laughs. "I thought so. So, ask Finnick then."
"Can we talk about something else?" I plead, tired of thinking of my first time being forced upon me earlier than I ever dreamed possible.
She shrugs and begins to describe exactly what oral sex is. She gets extremely detailed, complete with hand gestures; I sit there a few feet from her on the bed trying not to squirm. I can't believe I'm supposed to just put my mouth…there on a man and then he'll put his face, basically where I pee. Well, no, apparently there's some other spot nearby he'll put his mouth on; some spot that is supposed to make me feel pleasure and apparently, a whole lot of it. Well, if I actually like the man I'm with. Odds are, Cashmere warns, I won't much like these Capitol men doing it to me. She tells me that I need to find something else to think about, something or someone that I can use to distract me from the fact that someone I have zero attraction to is paying to have sex with me. Apparently, she pictures various images from back home and it helps distract her some of the time. When it doesn't work, I'll just have to do my best to fake it.
As she tells me all of this, my stomach churns and I feel the hot chocolate and muffin from earlier today threaten to make reappearances on my bed. I groan and massage my temples.
"Cashmere?" I interrupt. She looks at me and raises her eyebrows, waiting for me to go on. "Um, can we continue this some other time? I really can't think about this anymore."
She frowns and then gives me a sad smile. "It's not going to go away, but I can imagine for someone who knows absolutely nothing about sex that this is a lot to take in. Luckily, I'll be back tomorrow. See you, then, Aurie, and remember what I said. Consider asking a victor to be your first."
I nod briefly and follow her out of the bedroom where Gloss and Finnick are sitting in two chairs facing each other. Gloss has his tongue out flicking up and down. Finnick is staring at him, looking enraptured. Beats me why, whatever Gloss is doing looks completely ridiculous.
"Ahem!" Cashmere says loudly.
Both the boys jump a mile, turn and face us. "Ok," Gloss says, "looks like the lessons for the day have concluded. Looks like Caz wants to get going so we'll see you tomorrow, then. Remember what I've said, Finnick, it'll work like a charm."
Yes, I am sure flicking your tongue up and down at a rapid pace will really charm a girl, I think sarcastically, trying not to roll my eyes as Finnick nods like Gloss is some genius. Really, if Finnick wants to meet a genius, he should spend more time with Beetee!
Just thinking about Beetee makes me wonder if he ever had to go through this or if he's always been considered too weird to be sexually appealing to the Capitolites. Well, at least he's not here; I cannot imagine asking him for sex advice. I'd probably drop dead on the floor with embarrassment. As for considering him as my first time if he was here? Not a chance; I'd rather sit in a bucket of mutt fire ants, not even considering the fact that Beetee is old enough to be my father.
Oh, what will my father think when he figures out exactly why I'm spending time in the Capitol? I think, which makes me feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. He'll be so ashamed of me!
Cashmere and Gloss bid us farewell and then close the door behind them.
I stare at Finnick; he stares back at me and then clears his throat before breaking the silence. "Well, that was interesting wasn't it? How'd it go for you?"
I shrug, Cashmere's words playing over and over in my head: "Ask Finnick to have sex with you. Ask Finnick to have sex with you." Instead, I say, "It was quite a learning experience, you know, considering I know nothing about this stuff. So, did you have to admit to Gloss that you're a virgin because Cashmere made me admit that and I thought I was going to die from embarrassment. She seemed to think that I should know this stuff."
Finnick shrugs. "It's different in District 1; don't worry about her. Yeah, I told Gloss I was a virgin and he was stunned. How could a seventeen year old be a virgin, after all? Apparently, he lost his virginity when he was fifteen. I reminded him that I had a girlfriend and then, you know, after my Games, I basically lost my mind…"
He cuts himself off abruptly, sure he's said too much. Finnick Odair lost his mind after his Games? I find this interesting because he sure seems pretty together; where are his nightmares, then? However, it would explain why girls in his district don't seem interested in him, except for the slags.
"Well, no matter," I say, trying to smooth things over, since he looks really ashamed; I guess he'll tell me about losing his mind at a later point, "I guess we're the ones who are truly in this together, even if the other victors are on our side; they can't understand what it's like to be a virgin and tossed to freaky looking Capitolites who don't care about us."
And, if Cashmere is right and the first time hurts, the thought of it being with someone I find repulsive sends shivers down my spine. Maybe she's right; maybe I should ask Finnick if he'll be my first. How am I supposed to do that when just yesterday he asked me and I rejected him? He's going to think I'm mad.
I suppose I could ask Gloss, but then I picture his weird tongue flicking that is supposed to be some genius way to charm women, which makes my skin crawl. No, I suppose Finnick is the best one to have my first time with, considering the circumstances.
Hope you found this chapter enjoyable! If you did, please let me know. Hope you liked Cashmere and Gloss's proper introductions to the story; look for more of them from now on... If you enjoyed, don't forget to review! Reviews mean everything; without them I wouldn't keep going with the story, so tell me what you liked and what you think I could improve on. I'll try to have chapter 7 out for you in about a week.