Edd yawned and rolled over onto his front. Today, he thought sleepily today is going to be the most piss poor day in the history of the world. Of course, he couldn't prove that it was going to be the most piss poor day in the world, but he could feel it in his shin bones, and his shin bones never lied. He snuggled under the furs, trying to fall back into his hazy dreams, but his nose was trying far harder to wake him up with the smell of bacon and fried bread. The king muttered something intelligible and rolling over once more, fell out of the bed onto the stone floor. As if my arse doesn't get enough from that bloody throne, the floor wants to bugger me as well he privately cursed, and struggled to his feet, rubbing his wounded bottom.
Tash was already poised on the balcony ledge breaking her fast on bacon and boiled eggs when Edd came out, blinking at the sharp light of the morn. "You know," he said in a dull tone, "You're like to fall off that wall if you sit on it like that and I don't want my whole court breaking their fast on herrings, permissions and squashed queen." He sat down, on the considerably safer wooden chair and munched thoughtfully on a piece of fried bread. The queen laughed and leapt, ferret like onto the other reach of the balcony. "Knew a man once, got blown right off the Wall, he did" continued her husband, "Thought he could piss of it. Turned out he could, but the wind could piss him off harder. One moment there was Kend, next moment, no Kend." Tash laughed again and slipped off the edge, depositing herself in Eddison's lap. "Well, I have scaled your Wall half a dozen times, and I've never fallen of once."
"Bet you've never tried pissing off it neither, so cold your cock burns. And if the wind is blowing at you…" Edd shuddered, suddenly put off by his glass of lemon water.
"Yesterday, you told me I ought to be more court-like, now you're here talking about frozen members. Not exactly fair, is it?" said Tash, fiddling with Edd's sleep mussed hair.
"Aye, it isn't, but then again, I happen to be the king, and besides nothing has ever been fair in this bloody world." Tash had no reply to that so she stole the last of his breakfast instead. And I was saving that last bit for meself, best bit that was, with all the burnt bit and the drippings… "Get off with you, yer bloody wildling, probably high treason, that" he growled playfully, shoving her off his lap, "And get some bloody clothes on woman! You can't be seen in the great hall with nought on but the skin you was born in." He made to grab her behind and pull her back, but she danced out of the way and wrapped herself in the nearest tapestry, a sombre one of the Tollett household from aeons ago, with their long faces and sullen eyes.
"I could dress meself in this, would his Grace like that?" she teased, provocatively raising one leg.
"No." said Edd, his ears reddening.
"Oh, I bet he would. What is it you kneelers teach your little girls?" She paused to compose herself, lowered her great golden eyes demurely and said in a soft voice, "A lady must be seen, but not heard, she House is that of her husband, whom she doth love with her hold heart, the Seven strike her down if she does not." She looked up shrugged off the tapestry, "Well?"
"Aye, we say that, but nothing good ever did come from a woman's mouth" said Edd, walking over to drape the heavy embroidery across her shoulders, and smoothing it down as if it were made of the finest Dornish silks.
"You seemed to like the screams that were coming from my mouth last night, your Grace" Tash whispered in his ear, which promptly went a red as deep as the Lannister banners. "Tis' true, I did, but that doesn't make them good, nor something I want my knights and lords to hear" he replied, lightly slapping her buttocks with a calloused hand, "Now, go, I need you presentable today, I don't think I will be able to last another minute on that bloody throne unless you're there to make sardonic comments every once in a while." Edd gathered her up, tapestry and all and carried her to their robe-room. "Get dressed" he ordered. Tash made no move to the wardrobe; instead she stood in the middle of the little room with her hands on her hips and raised one eyebrow. Eddison looked at her exasperated, "Please?" he begged.
"All right, since you asked me so nicely and regal like, now bugger off and do some orderin' around."
Bloody wildling, she's like to kill me. Aye she'll do it nice enough, but she'll kill me all the bleeding same. Edd shook his head and left the royal chambers, wondering how in Seven Hells the mind of a woman worked.