Chapter Four

Severus heard the scream and tore off in the direction of the sound, Lucius at his heels. Rounding the corner of the derelict house, they saw Hermione Granger high above, holding onto the roof, kicking wildly at—

"Nigel?" shouted Severus. "Nigel, what are you doing here?"

The alien turned to Severus with mild puzzlement. "Oh, hello, Agent White." His voice came out as a slow, gruff rumble. "Is there a problem? I didn't touch your Earthling," he added with a defensive air.

Severus pulled out his gun. "Step away from the woman."

"I swear, she was like that when I got here."

"Nigel," called Lucius, who had joined them, "step away from there, please, hand over the werty and put all your hands and flippers in the air."

Nigel finally lumbered a few steps away from Hermione, but did not relinquish the little creature. "Sorry, Agent Black," he growled apologetically. "I'm under orders. The werty comes with me."

"Don't make me shoot you, Nigel."

"I'm under orders!"

Lucius drew his weapon—a silver, lethal-looking affair—just as Nigel pulled out a gun the size of tree trunk and squeezed off a round. Severus and Lucius dived, narrowly avoiding a blast that took out a good chunk of the house's dining room. Hermione screamed again. Lucius and Severus jumped to their feet, silver guns in one hand and now with wands in the other. They threw volleys of Stunners, punctuated by red laser blasts, which set Nigel to howling and stepping lively. But most of the agents' shots were aimed over the alien's head because he was still holding the slightly squashed-looking werty to his chest with four of his secondary flipper-arms.

Nigel lifted the big gun again, aimed over the agents' heads and noisily reduced a pine tree to splinters before he turned and ran. His short, squashy legs were shockingly nimble, enabling him to leap over fences and shrubbery. Severus and Lucius alternately ran and Apparated in pursuit, but within seconds the gigantic alien was out of sight.

Severus immediately circled back to the house. He saw Hermione was no longer dangling from the roof and guilt assailed him. He should have seen to her first. "Hermione?" he called. Amidst the overgrown shrubs at the base of the house, he heard a groan. He made his way over to her and began to pull branches off her head. "Hermione, are you alright? Are you hurt?"

She slowly raised herself to a sitting position. "I'm fine," she said with an effort. "I called my wand back and then I was able to levitate myself just enough to lower to the ground, if that makes sense."

She seemed quite dazed as she sat with her back against the wall. Severus did not think she was ready to stand yet, so he sat down beside her to wait. He tried to bolster her spirits. "You did well," he said. "Most people can't levitate themselves at all."

"I know," she replied. "Aresto Momentum has limited success when the caster uses it on herself."

He smiled at her textbook response. "Perhaps you should simply learn to fly."

"Oh, yes," she replied weakly. "For the next time I'm hanging on a roof, terrorized by aliens."

"It's the only practical solution."

Hermione leaned her head against his shoulder, sighed and took his hand. "That was an alien, wasn't it, Severus?" she asked.

He was as surprised by her question as by her touch. It was a novel situation for him, calling for a novel response: the truth. "Yes, it was," he admitted "A Torlock. There aren't many registered Torlocks on Earth these days. After an incident in Arizona involving a Muggle immigration officer who was nearly killed, Torlocks are on MIB's restricted list."

"It's no wonder."

A polite ahem signaled Lucius had returned. Severus helped Hermione to her feet as the other man reported.

"Nigel's gone. I contacted Headquarters to alert them the werty has been stolen. They're going to try to figure out where he might have taken it. You and I ought to stop in for more fire power, considering some idiot gave an unauthorized firearm to a Torlock." Lucius turned to Hermione and inclined his head politely. "Good afternoon, Miss Granger. Your supervisor said we would find you here at Grasmere. Apparently, we aren't the only ones searching for the creature. How fortunate that you weren't injured in today's … incident." He pulled out his sunglasses. "You look a bit peaky, but don't worry. We have something lovely to show you that will make you feel so much better. Tell me, do you like Fortescue's ice cream?"

"Wait, Lucius." Severus thought fast. "I agree she will eventually have to be neurolyzed, but—"

"Neurolyzed?" asked Hermione with a suspicious frown.

"—but for now, she's too important to the case. We need her valuable expertise in … in fantastic beasts and, erm, where to find them." He frowned and nodded as though the issue were settled. "We'll take her with us. For now. If she will—if you will consent to come along." He looked at Hermione uncertainly.

"Severus," Lucius chided, "this is highly irregular."

"Of course I'm coming along," replied Hermione. She poked Lucius in the chest. "No one will be neurolyzing anybody today, Mr. Malfoy. I have about a thousand questions for you both. First of all, what the hell is MIB?"

-o0o-

Hermione and Severus landed with a pop at the Apparition point. Lucius followed a second later, and the three of them quietly slid through a plain-looking side door in the Lloyds Building. When they reached the concourse level of MIB Headquarters, Hermione's surprise was so great, she could only stand rooted to the spot with her mouth hanging open. Severus returned to her side and gently took her elbow, and she docilely allowed herself to be guided while she stared about her, taking in everything.

"Aliens. Real aliens in London," she marveled. "Where did all these aliens come from? I didn't see any spacecraft outside."

"Each terminal you see is an intra-system portal," explained Severus as they walked. "Think of it as Apparition on a much larger scale. Most ships are parked behind Neptune, though some smaller craft do land on Earth."

They made their way through to the MIB administrative offices. Quarr, on his feet again, looked beyond peeved when he caught sight of them. "Would it have killed you to call for backup?" he groused. "Who is this? What's she doing here?"

Lucius answered smoothly. "This is the lead we mentioned earlier. She's a civilian, but she's an expert in xenobiology. She agreed to help us."

"Well, fine. We'll need help," replied Quarr. "You said when Nigel attacked you, he told you he was under orders."

"That's correct. The question is, whose orders," mused Lucius.

"We think we have a lead. Nigel's labor contract was recently purchased by an alien named Obojjni. He's in the import-export business. Has a warehouse disguised as a farm somewhere near Little Burstead. I want you to go there and find out whether Obojjni is the one who ordered the abduction of the werty by force. He's in violation of too many regulations to count, if he did. Wait'll you see him," added Quarr.

Severus narrowed his eyes. "Why? What does he look like?" he asked.

Quarr smirked. "Let's just say, he doesn't get out much."

Coordinates were transferred into an ordinary-looking car key, which Quarr handed to Severus. "The car will automatically drive you directly to Obojjni's farm. And for God's sake, take backup with you this time, I mean it."

-o0o-

Down in the parking garage, Severus eased behind the wheel of a gleaming black Bentley. Hermione clamored into the back while Lucius slid in the passenger side. "Are we taking along backup?" he asked.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Right."

Hermione laughed. "Look at you two, with your black suits and your Ray-Bans and your posh motorcar adventures. Which of you is Jake and which is Elwood?"

They ignored the jibe while Severus pulled out his wand and tapped the steering wheel. He Disillusioned the exterior thoroughly before he backed carefully out of the parking space. Twelve seconds later, they were nearing 160 miles per hour on the meridian, and Hermione was no longer laughing. Instead, she gripped her seat in terror as she stared out into the dark.

Lucius' voice rose above the noise of the engine and the sound of traffic. "Miss Granger," he said, rummaging in the glove box, "if you're going to be of use, you'll need to understand Galactic. Unfortunately, we don't have the four weeks necessary for immersion in the language tank, so I'm afraid we'll have to resort to cruder methods. Ah, here we are." He brought out a small vial. "Come closer. Let me show you something." Hermione leaned forward curiously. Lucius twisted in his seat, grabbed her at the back of the head and shoved something in her ear.

She screeched bloody murder, but Lucius clapped his hand over her ear and held her in a firm grip. Severus tried to watch in the mirror without taking his eyes off the road. "Hermione, it's alright, hold still," he called.

"It's wet!"

"Leave it, Miss Granger," Lucius said. "It's called a Babel Fish. It will translate all speech you hear so you will understand what aliens are saying." It took a moment for it all to sink in. Hermione stopped squirming, which let Lucius trust her enough to let her go. She leaned back, eyes wide, touching her ear gingerly.

"Did you say a Babel Fish? A real one? Like in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?"

The two men shared a look. "Yes," said Severus dryly, "that was his idea of a little joke. You see, he likes to set up on primitive planets every once in a while and spin unbelievable yarns for money, writing about things that are actually true." He frowned. "A bit juvenile, really."

Hermione stared. "Severus … you do know Douglas Adams is dead."

Lucius gave her a withering look. "No, Miss Granger, Douglas Adams is not dead," he replied, turning to face front again. "He merely went home."

Twenty minutes later, the Disillusioned car jumped off the motorway and flew into a field. They bumped and jostled their way across.

"A flying Ford Anglia, did you say?" ventured Lucius.

"Forget it," replied Severus firmly. "More trouble than it was worth."

Outside a farmhouse, they came to a screeching halt near a copse of trees. They peered out the windows. Their surroundings were barely visible in the gloom of night. Their car had stopped approximately twenty feet from a large, red barn. A gravel lane led between two cornfields and a decorative row of birch trees to a traditional two-story farmhouse with a wide front porch. Every window was lit up, throwing golden light onto the surrounding yard.

"Is that where Aubergenie lives?" whispered Hermione.

"Obojjni, and apparently, yes," replied Severus. "Now, I want you to—"

A volley of red laser fire burst upon them from the direction of the corn field, thunking against the doors and windows. Hermione threw her arms over her head while Severus and Lucius calmly readied their firearms and wands. The car was heavily fortified against most sorts of weapon fire—not that they encountered weapon fire regularly; most visitors respected the authority of MIB and did not blatantly attack like this. Severus shook his head as he mentally totted up the violations already committed this day.

At Lucius' signal, they exited the car on the far side under the cover of the laser fire. "Hermione," said Severus over the noise, "we're going to have to Apparate directly into the house. Take my arm."

He twisted on the spot, and there came the familiar pull of Apparition. But then came shout from Lucius and a not-so-familiar swooping sensation, and he knew something had gone wrong in transit. They landed heavily on their feet, and Severus opened his eyes to find they were standing behind the barn near where they had parked the car. Lucius popped into existence beside them, swearing. "Whatever that bloody git managed to do, the house is somehow warded against Apparition!" he shouted. "We have to get in the front door. Plan B."

Lucius took off at a run, firing his own weapon, which effectively served to draw their enemy's attention away from the Bentley. Severus took Hermione's hand again and they ran back to the car under the shield of his Protego. Peeking around the boot, they found that Torlocks, at least a dozen of them, had arrayed themselves along the front of the house and were firing their weapons anything they seemed to think was moving. At least twice, they wound up hitting each other, which was a mercy, but did little to thin their ranks.

"What's Plan B?" asked Hermione.

Severus threw her a hard smile. "Split up, cover each other, and bluff like hell," he replied.

"Oh, Plan B sounds marvelous," she replied snidely. "I'm filled with confidence. Why didn't you just call for backup?"

"Don't need it. Allow me to show you why we brought the car." He pulled the Bentley's key chain out of a pocket and pressed a button on the fob. The rear boot popped open, revealing a veritable arsenal.

"Merlin," breathed Hermione.

"Nigel!" Lucius' commanding voice came to them from somewhere vaguely above the barn. "This is MIB. You and your associates are surrounded. Drop your weapons and surrender to the authorities!"

They didn't. "We have our orders!" bellowed Nigel.

"Yes, we know, we know." Severus groused, rummaged in the boot. "All this trouble over somebody's Merlin-be-damned pet."

The Torlocks turned their attention to the Bentley again, and the metal was growing hot to the touch. "This car won't protect us for much longer," Hermione warned. Severus pulled out several large, lethal-looking weapons, Shrunk them quickly and loaded his trouser pockets. The last weapon he left full size, hefting it confidently.

"Wands have limited use in a direct attack against a Torlock. Something about their thick skins. Here." He pressed a tiny gun into her left hand. "This is called a silver trinket. Watch out—the thing has a kick. And here are some other items." He tipped a few things into her hand. Awkwardly, she transferred them all to her pockets.

"Ready?"

"Hell, no!"

"Follow me!"

They rolled out from behind the car. Severus and Lucius alternated attracting the Torlocks' full attention while they traded gunfire. Hermione stuck to firing Stunning hexes, which had no physical effect, but did serve to dazzle the eyes of the alien enemy. Torlocks growled and began to shoot more erratically. Some bolts fired into the dirt and kicked up tremendous plumes of dust that made it all the harder to see.

They ducked behind a woodpile stacked nearly five feet high, where they were joined by Lucius. "Quite an evening, wouldn't you say?" he asked, peering around at the farmhouse.

"No! Your Plan B is going to get us all killed, Malfoy!"

"Not if you quit acting like a damsel in distress," he said, looking down his nose at her with an imperious air. "Stop firing hexes like a third-year and think like an agent."

"I'm not an agent!" she snarled, but she reached in her pocket and gingerly pulled out the silver handgun.

Severus Apparated to the barn roof to cover them both on this last leg of the fight. He watched Lucius stand and take a hard run along the last thirty feet or so of open ground. Hermione, to her credit, covered him well by firing upon the Torlocks, knocking out a fair few. There were only three or four Torlocks left standing by the time Lucius turned and flicked a few tiny grenades in their direction. With an unholy roar, the grenades effectively randomized the rest of the enemies until they lay unconscious in the dirt.

Severus' ears rang painfully in the silence following the gunfight. At Lucius' signal, Severus and Hermione joined him on the porch, wands and weapons at the ready.

"Obojjni, this is MIB," called Severus. "You're in violation of a stunning array of interstellar regulations. Come out and surrender at once."

Then there came a deafening voice that seemed to emanate from everywhere. "I would like to, sir, but I'm afraid that would be impossible," declared the voice. "You will simply have to come in."