Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, their subsequent plots, characters, and or fan bases.

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Chapter 3

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Zeus- "Why did I get married?"

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It had been nearly three months since Harry had given his first show. What was supposed to have been more of a side project (to excuse his rather blatant show of magic in one of the, as he understood it, least understanding states in the Americas) had somehow become his life since then.

Eddie had him booked solid and in an unexpected bit of genius from the man figured out that notoriety breeded success. So every minute Harry wasn't on stage he was out on the streets broadcasting magic, or just oddity in general, as much as he could. Every now and again he would come across monsters and the mist which was a constant annoyance, but had Harry often making headlines in any town that he was in with their combined antics.

So it was with little surprise that Harry found himself that October in the Seattle Space Needle the day of his show chatting with a roomful of potential audience members. It also just happened to be the day that his steak was under-cooked and he took it personally back to the cooks.

Unknown to either Harry or the cooks in this particular kitchen was that miles and miles away one Zeus had chosen this day for revenge and was aiming a lightning bolt driven vengeance getter at the little shit responsible for his current headache. Harry at that same moment however, had just cast the infamous, but not in this world, Weasley brothers flatulence banger, Dragon Fire at the pompous head chef. Guaranteed to give an added boost to your motorized magic vehicle or when used on a human target the "breath of the Dragon" for the next twelve hours or your money back! Harry had learned this particular spell when the Weasley brothers were show casing their product line and enchanting muggle air-fresheners with it.

He targeted the stuffy head cook who accused him of being wrong in what he ordered and what he received. Harry was quick to leave the scene shortly after casting, and Eddie was not happy to be left with the check in his place. Eddie was also not happy about the sudden fire that broke out in the kitchen either, as panic set in and everyone rushed to leave the suddenly on fire Space Needle.

Zeus had thrown his lightning bolt commanding it to strike the shit responsible for all his current troubles and as the imbued lightning raced to deliver godly justice faster than the speed of light it raced from New York all the way to Seattle. The moment Harry apperated out of the kitchen and to his dressing room at the Paramount Theater, two things happened at once. The Dragon Fire was unleashed in a silent but deadly explosion of noxious fumes as a highly embarrassed chef flushed red and then just as suddenly the lightning bolt arrived.

The bolt of godly justice had no time to self-correct its journey for the moment it came into contact with the rather explosive gasses the chemical reaction quite literally stole its thunder in an instant. A mini mushroom cloud of smoke and fire exploded upward and out. Fire plumed up from the behind of the horrified head chef, as the Dragon Fire shot off one more time. A stream of flames shot from his behind again in streams before what was left of the lightning bolt turned fire show collected around a new pocket of gas released from the chef's behind and lightning shot painfully from his butt and struck the wall beside the smoking stove.

All was silent for a heartbeat, two-. The screaming was instantaneous from staff, cooks and customers alike as everyone began running away. The poor pompous and now horrified head-chef by far the fastest to run away despite his relatively short stature. He moved as though jet propelled and had a wide gap between he and any of the other panicked people. In fact what could have been a scene of utmost pandemonium was actually rather tame as people slowed down to give the man room when a prevalent stench spread and followed him as he went. People slowed as eyes began to water and noses simultaneously wrinkled, nausea blooming with each gagging in-hail. The poor people in the elevator with him actually passed out by the time it reached the bottom and had to be helped out so that the elevator could rescue other people. Most of the people remaining on the dining room floor took one whiff of the lingering smell and opted to take the stairs.

It was a story that made the news. In fact glossed over was how Harry Potter had been there and was probably responsible. All anyone could concentrate on at all was the horrific smelling chef and on a side note almost absently remembered in light of the sensory assault was a small fire in the kitchen.

Hera in fact heard about it and took this rather serious considering how glossed over the damages were and was quick to spot a rather innocent expression on her husband's face. One that she learned to stop trusting the moment he freed her and the rest of their siblings from their father's stomach.

"What did you do?" She asked him her expression pinched in its severity. He met her eyes directly, the picture of a trustworthy individual, a curious look etched on his face.

"What did I do when?"

"Why did you set a kitchen on fire in Seattle?" Outrage now, the acting a little more overdone than usual, which meant that he had planned this but the outcome was different than he had intended.

"I didn't set fire to a kitchen in Seattle." Hera didn't have to be a god of deception to know he was hiding something from her.

"Then tell me how a lightning bolt manages to strike a tower in broad day light with no cloud cover, and without bursting through the roof of the establishment, to strike at a wall and stove before setting fire to everything."

A petulant look on crossed his face as his arms fold over his chest, the first honest expression she'd seen so far.

"That wasn't my fault it was that little dip-shit that did this to me!" If Hera's brow arched any higher it would blend in with her hair.

"Right because some other immortal being out there has command of lightning, and has a rather well documented history of randomly tossing lightning bolts around for no good reason, and would not be found out of character to smite a kitchen in Seattle because it was too high in the sky or something."

"That's not fair!... it could have been Jupiter."

"Who is also you." An impatient foot tapping began, one that Zeus knew after thousands of years of marriage to dread.

"I- that's not-it was, it's all that asshole's fault!"

"And what asshole would that be?" The sudden child that the king of gods turned into would surely shock any demi-god or mortal. Hera however used to this kind of behavior when her brother didn't get his way, merely crossed her arms.

"The one that is responsible for all this! For turning my underlings against me, and the chaos, and-and everything that's gone wrong!" A foot stomp shook the heavens from the now diminutive ruler of the skies.

"I'm sure," Hera began sarcasm evident, "you the innocent victim that is not even a teeny tiny bit responsible for anything. It couldn't at all be possible that this had been building for centuries or millennia with the way you have been acting. Or that anyone could have gotten the idea for something like this from the recent human movements and pushing for equal and civil rights. No. Not at all. It has to be someone else's fault. Which is why you sent a bolt of lightning to fry a kitchen stove in Seattle."

Her tone of voice could rival the driest of deserts.

"My, what a wicked inanimate stove, with no feelings, or thoughts of its own. It's a good thing you set it on fire. Who knows, it could have under-cooked a steak or something."

The pouting king of gods turned to look at her tears in sky blue eyes threatening to fall. Hera was completely unmoved.

"You are cleaning up that mess. Not someone you choose to designate that mess to, but you. I expect it done tomorrow. This is the end of this non-sense. It is time to man up and take responsibility. I'm tired of hearing about it!"

Zeus opened his mouth to respond but Hera wasn't listening in fact she walked out on him. A door appearing behind her retreating back just to slam in his face when he made to follow her. Gods damn it!

Damn that bastard, turning his own wife against him! The nerve! He was going to-!

Zeus suddenly noticed a knock on the door that had appeared just to slam in his face. He was quick to re-assume the appearance of a mature man rather than a childish being to open the door. A bag was lit on fire and was quickly setting fire, absurdly so, to the clouds and marble around it. In a panic the elder millennia old god quickly stomped out the flames. Words had burned themselves into the marble of the doused flame bag.

The next one will have shit in it. You have until tomorrow.

A roar of thunder rocked the heavens.

"Gods damn it!"

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Harry miles away looked up from his show set up a copy of Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed, as thunder sounded across the skies. Which was very odd because there were no clouds in the sky. He shrugged and went back to his book.

While scalping his audience probably wouldn't really help him, giving the lot of them pepper breath might shut some of them up. It seemed the most popular thing to do for his crowd of followers was to annoy the hell out of him to get themselves transformed into something odd and unusual. Because this seemed to be their ultimate goal it was now Harry's duty to thwart them. How better to do that than to branch out?

There were three other books around him open to odd pages that he randomly flipped through searching for bizarre ideas and inspiration after all it wouldn't do to give the muggles the wrong sort of impression about wizards.

There was four or five other books and one scroll off to the side that dealt with magic and unlocking a witch's inner potential. Which probably had something to do with wandless magic. Which given the lack of wand shops around here and his own lack of understanding on how to make them was a pretty good idea in Harry's own book.

As it was Harry already had skimming the bare minimum set at his maximum speed, you know the one- slow. If only to make these magic shows a bit more interesting to himself. It didn't help his reputation at all that three muggle parents were accusing him of being a child hater. He wasn't a child hater, granted he didn't know exactly what he felt about children, but he certainly didn't hate them. He just didn't like the loud ones, the annoying ones, the whiners, the crybabies, the bullies, the spoiled ones, or the oafish looking ones.

That was a very specific list and could he help it that parents brought their children to his shows with those children and he subsequently cast highly temperamental magic on them? Probably. Was that good enough reason to stop? Yes. Was he going to? Unlikely.

While this outlook had actually decreased the numbers of small children taken to his shows since that rather unashamed public reveal it had actually increased his number of parents with teenagers that seemed to want to embarrass the hell out of them. Harry was anything if not obliging. Which unfortunately only seemed to cement his rather ambiguous reputation and had him expanding his knowledge of muggle safe-ish magic to use around them. Which brought him to his least favorite activity of all. Reading about new magic. Don't get him wrong he love the practical application and experiments it was just trying to read about it and wonder why the hell Hermione had grabbed do many books in Old-Welsh, and mixed English, and even some Latin.

While this let him know that he had the best and most accurate and knowledgeable resources, (because come on anything that old that Hermione had grabbed while they were on the run just had to be full of world ending eldritch magics), it was also a pain to try and accurately translate, so mostly he just used a few random language dictionaries he'd picked up at a local dime store found key words and guessed from there. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that.

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I.M. A shorter chapter to wet the appetite of the masses who don't follow me or read my work but will psychically know I have added another chapter. Feel free to let me know what you think. I still need a beta. Here is a sneak peek at the next chapter.

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Chapter 4

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Harry Potter the 40 year old virgin-

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Or Harry Potter, "What do you mean a book lied to me?!"