Chapter 1

Sam glanced at his brother from his peripheral vision as the road flew beneath the wheels of the impala. Dean's face was etched into his usual frown, his eyes staring unseeingly at the road in front of him. Sam knew that his mind was far away, probably on the same nightmares that had haunted him in the pit and still haunted him now when he surrendered himself to the dark clutches of sleep.

Sam was no fool. Dean tried really hard to cloak his sufferings from Sam. But try as he may, Sam knew. He knew how Dean avoided succumbing to sleep until he was ready to collapse from exhaustion, how he would consume atrocious amounts of alcohol to numb the pain. He heard Dean's choked sobs when he woke up from a terrifying nightmare and saw the tears glistening on his eyelashes.

It was absurd of Dean to think that Sam wouldn't notice as Dean became unraveled. He was his brother after all. No one knew him better than Sam. The profound bond that the brothers shared had neither faded nor dimmed during the time Dean had spent in hell. Sam could still see through the mask that Dean had composed, still see through Dean's pretenses and the hollow words that he spoke to assure Sam of his wellbeing.

Truth was that Sam knew that his brother was slowly but surely falling apart. It was only a matter of time before Dean would crumble beneath the weight of his burdens. Sam could only hope that once this happened, his brother would be strong enough to climb out of the void of darkness again.

They drove for a few hours more before deciding to call it a night. Pulling into a dingy town in the middle of nowhere they booked a room in an equally run-down motel. His brother decided to break the silence first." Hey Sam, any good hunts around? I'm getting bored." Sam rolled his eyes at his brother's nonchalance but answered nevertheless."There might be one a couple of hours away from here. I'll see what I can find."

Really, Dean's attempts to overwork himself to the point of exhaustion to drown his mental anguish in physical pain were starting to take a toll on his health. His sun-kissed skin was now permanently pale and there were dark purple bruises under his eyes caused by several sleepless nights.

Dean's obvious deterioration of health was worrying Sam. Dean had always projected the image of strength and confidence. He had been Sam's rock when the going got rough, whispering that "everything was going to be alright". And now seeing Dean so broken broke his heart as well. Seeing his elder brother suffering caused his heart to clench in pain and helplessness.

Sam had tried several times to talk to Dean after his return only to be brushed off by his brother."I'm fine, Sammy", he would always say. Of coarse Sam didn't believe it for a second. He knew from experience that Dean did not like to 'talk about his feelings like a girl' and so they would not be having a heart to heart anytime soon. He could only hope and pray that his elder brother would stop being so stubborn and realize that his little brother was there for him, ever ready to lend him a helping hand and pull him out of the dark abyss of his own mind.

Dean opened his eyes to a familiar darkness and immediately warning bells started ringing in his sub conscience .A voice emerging from the recesses of his foggy mind warned him of impending danger. He had to flee, he had to get away. From what he was running, he had no clue. All he knew, or rather all he could make out from his muddled thoughts, was the instinct to flee.

And yet his body refused to obey. His limbs, despite his repeated pleading, would not move. And then, his blood froze as his mind comprehended that his hands and legs were outstretched and bound with thick leather straps to a cold, steel table in a familiar position that sent chills down his spine.

Panic struck him with surprising vigour as he desperately struggled to escape. A dark chuckle echoed through the blinding darkness as a silhouette appeared besides him. Overwhelmed by fear and horror that seemed to choke him and make it difficult to breathe, he trembled in fright.

"Stop! Please stop." He managed to cry out. And suddenly a dam broke in his mind as memories flooded him. Torturous, excruciating memories; and he remembered what was to come next.

"No! No! NO!"

Dean jerked awake and almost fell off his bed in his panic-stricken haze. A dream. It was just a dream. He looked around himself only to find himself on his bed and his covers strewn on the floor. His breathless gasps and pants the only sound breaking the silence of the night.

Taking a deep breath he tried to calm his hammering heart. The sight of his little brother lost in the world of dreams with a serene smile on his face considerably assured him of his safety and helped him to break free from his nightmare.

No, not a nightmare. A memory, he corrected himself. Knowing that sleep was a lost cause for the night, he resigned himself to another night drowned in guilt and alcohol. As he poured himself a liberal amount of scotch in a glass, his thoughts turned towards his obvious,(alright he could at least admit it to himself), mental breakdown and its effects on Sam.

He knew that Sam was giving himself an aneurysm because of his constant worry about him. Sam was smart. He obviously saw through his deceit and pretentions and probably suspected that Dean had been lying about his amnesia. But he couldn't bring himself to voice out the truth. The truth that each and every second spent in hell was burned in his memory. Because saying it out loud would mean admitting that hell had not been a nightmare spun by a dark corner of his mind, but had been a reality. It meant admitting his failure and weaknesses. It meant admitting to the only person in the world whose opinion mattered to him that he was a monster. Sometimes, denial really was the best way to go.

He got up from the table after draining almost half the bottle of scotch. Sam would be awake soon and he needn't know that Dean had spent yet another sleepless night. Dean didn't deserve everything his brother was doing to help him heal. He didn't deserve his love and sympathy. He dragged himself back to bed and rolled over, pretending to sleep.

It would not be long before dawn would arrive and the brothers would be back on the road again, ready to take on any challenge that the supernatural world would throw at them. Little did they suspect that things were about to get a lot worse when their horrid past caught up to them once again.