A/N: Hi guys. In regards to the note I posted on my latest update of 'Puppet Strings', I'd like you all to know that I have applied for an invitation to A03. The invite is predicted to be sent to me tomorrow but I'd like you all to know that I'm not leaving either. It is only a precaution in case (A) I lose my stories or (B) Want to write explicit content and need somewhere to post the uncensored version. Once I have my account up and running, I will post a link to it on my profile here. I hope I can rely on you guys to read my work even if it's censored or on a different website?
Thanks for being so understanding!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.
Chapter Eleven
Cato had handled many video recorders in his life time. He knew how they worked like the back of his hand. He wasn't at all worried about being incapable of recording the dance for Maria. What concerned him was how public the community hall was. He knew that everyone had glanced at him at least once, wondering what the hell he was doing there. Cato never cared what people thought about him; never had and never would. But what he worried about was the security of his secret. If his lifestyle ever got revealed . . . it could ruin his reputation.
Pull yourself together Hadley. It's a goddamn Feis. There's no reason for your secret to be revealed here. People may discover he was in a relationship again but that wasn't all that bad . . .
Going to the Feis had its advantages. Never mind secret keeping or the nosey public eye. Peeta looked gorgeous in his costume, despite the fact he was ruining his combed hair by nervously running his fingers through the specially styled silky strands. The men's costumes were practical. White shirts, black waistcoats, matching trousers. But the girls?! Their dresses ranged from luminous orange to dark purple dresses with huge skirts that looked like they were made of cardboard. Every one of them wore frilly curly wigs on their heads. Cato knew they were wigs because it was no way those girls' hairs were that shiny.
Peeta was too nervous for his own good. He would stand with his fists on his hips, tapping his foot anxiously and chewing on his bottom lip before taking off on a bout of unsettled pacing. "You're going to be great," Cato said, following Peeta as his paced with the camera lens. "You need to stop getting worked up. You'll break out in spots."
"What if I mess up, Cato? Máthair is counting on me," Peeta replied. His shoes made clicking noises against the floor. Was this Irish Dancing or Tap Dance? Didn't tap dancing have the little metal things at the end of the shoes? Cato decided this was not the time to ask.
"You won't though. That's the point," Cato insisted.
Peeta stopped and replanted his fists on his hips. "Will you turn that fucking thing off for a minute?" he spat. "I said record the goddamn dance not everything beforehand."
Cato rolled his eyes. "I'm just doing what I was told to," he said. Peeta's attitude bounced off him like he was wearing protective armor because, frankly, he'd heard much worse from people he cared much less about. And those people usually ended up with their nuts in their throats. Peeta glared at the camera and Cato zoomed up on his face because he knew Maria was going to laugh at it later. You know, when she finished hitting Peeta upside the head for swearing the way he did.
A brunette girl suddenly appeared beside Peeta. She glanced at his face and scoffed. "Get the lemon out of your mouth, Peeta, your face is pinched," she said.
"Shut up," Peeta replied. He looked to the ceiling and silently counted to himself, his lips moving as he mouthed each number. Cato didn't know why he was doing it, but the brunette girl simply rolled her eyes and dug her elbow into his ribs. "OW!"
"Stop doing that," she hissed. She glanced at Cato and looked away, only for her head to snap back seconds later as she realized who he was. "Hello," she said suspiciously. "What are you doing here? Sponsoring the costumes or something?"
"Katniss, that's Cato," Peeta muttered flippantly, turning away from them and pushing his fingers through his hair for the thousandth time. "Cato, Katniss. Katniss, Cato."
So this was Katniss . . . Cato regarded the girl with just as much suspicion as she had originally done. He gritted his teeth in irritation. Damn it, she was pretty. He had been hoping that she'd be ugly or fat or something. Then he wouldn't need to feel threatened. Not that she made him feel threatened . . . Not at all. Nothing made him feel threatened. He knew Peeta wouldn't go back to her, he had insisted so adamantly that he wouldn't. But . . . what if . . .
"Hello Cato," Katniss said. She held her hand out and Cato switched the hands he was holding the camera with to shake it. "I'm glad you could take time out of your schedule to come and support Peeta." She smirked. "I know how one cares so much for one person after being interviewed by them." Peeta looked over his shoulder at Katniss, eyebrows narrowed in confusion. She waved at the camera as if she hadn't just basically outted Cato and Peeta's relationship and waved. Cato just stood there dumbly, unsure of what to say. "Hello Maria! Sorry you couldn't be here!" she said.
"Peeta!"
The three of them looked to the source of the trill. Cato did a double take at the woman standing at the stairs leading to the stage who was calling Peeta over. Her hair was like a bush of candyfloss on top of her head. "I better go . . ." Peeta muttered. "Miss Trinket will have a canary if I don't."
"I think she already had one," Katniss frowned.
Peeta ran up the aisle between the chairs and met Miss Trinket at the stairs. Cato paused the recorder and lowered it for a while. He could feel Katniss' eyes at the side of his head. Like the smoky grey could produce fire of its own. "Can I help you?" he asked.
"I don't know, can you?" Katniss asked back.
"You tell me."
Katniss folded her arms and turned around so she stood like Cato. Looking straight forward with her back against the back wall. Cato watched Peeta while he spoke with Miss Trinket. He was playing anxiously with his fingers while the pink haired woman fixed his hair for him. "I have to point out, if you hurt him, I will hurt you," Katniss casually threw in.
Cato scoffed. "I'd like to see you try," he said, even though Katniss' sudden statement had taken him aback.
"You'd be surprised what I'm capable of. I don't mean to start off with such a brash statement but I don't want you hanging around here if you believe whatever you have with Peeta is going to be anything like your previous flings. I know how you eat through men like a hungry lion. All of the city pretty much does. Now I'm not saying that's a good thing, but Peeta and I have been friends for a very long time and I will stand between anything that could hurt him before I let it touch him. He has done the same for me in the past. It's about time I returned the favour."
"I don't intend to hurt Peeta," Cato said.
Katniss rolled her eyes. "I've heard that before," she muttered. "But I believe you. He has this annoying habit of growing on you."
Man, did Cato know it.
Cato looked at Katniss. She met his eyes and titled her head a little. "He's a good guy, Cato. Honestly, I never pictured him as your type. I thought you'd like people who are more physically matched to you. Then again, I always saw you as a conceited asshole."
There was a time when Cato probably would have wanted someone physically matched to him. Not Peeta. Those little parts of him that were hard and the others that were soft fit his body type like a perfect puzzle. "Peeta's different," said Cato. Katniss' eyebrows lifted but she grinned, like this was an answer she had been desperately wanting to hear.
"You'll find, Mr Hadley, that you will never have someone who will love you better," she informed him.
Love.
Love.
Love.
He couldn't love.
"How can you still be friends? After going out together?" Cato asked.
Katniss shrugged. "He's a good person. Why would I leave behind a good person?" she said. "It wouldn't make sense. I love him, but in a different way. It's annoying, because there is a part of me that is still attracted to him. I accidentally find myself checking him out, momentarily forgetting we're no longer together. But I wouldn't get back together with him, even if he appeared on my doorstep one day with roses and chocolates."
"Why's that then?"
Katniss took the camera from Cato. He noticed for the first time that she had a support on her wrist. "He wouldn't be happy," she said. "Besides, he feels like a brother to me. An irritating brother. Whose ass I can still check out without feeling weird about it." Cato laughed and Katniss winked. "What? We broke up but I ain't the gay one."
Cato looked back at Peeta, who was oblivious to everything they were talking about. He was actually sitting in front of the stage beside a little girl. She must have only been five, six years old. She had one of those funny curly wigs on her head and her dress seemed a lot simpler compared to the ridiculous cardboard contraptions every other girl was wearing. Hers seemed to be made of velvet and was evergreen colour. Cato frowned. What was Peeta doing?
The little girl stood up and Peeta sat on his haunches so he was eye level with her. He held her hand and seemed to be almost . . . showing her what to do. Katniss rolled her eyes. "This is why he never wins," she declared. "He shows everyone else what to do."
"What do you mean?" Cato asked.
"Well, if he hadn't helped her, she'd probably have fallen on her face on stage. This is what he does, you see. Anyone forgets their routines? He reminds them and goes through the whole thing with them."
Cato sighed. Oh Peeta.
Katniss had switched the camera on again. The hand that wasn't wearing the support held it with a wobbly stance. "Look Maria, he's at it again," she said.
"But, come on, that kid's what? Six?" Cato said. "It wouldn't be all that good if she fell on her face."
"Last time I went to one of these with him he walked his partner through it," Katniss said.
"Then wouldn't that benefit them both?"
Katniss shook her head. "Nope," she said, popping the 'p'. "That's not how Feis' work. You dance in pairs but don't win as a team. His partner won and he didn't. Good deeds never go unpunished and all that. I'm going to have to hit him when he gets back. How many times do you have to tell someone something before it gets through their head?!"
With Peeta's stubborn head? Probably a century.
Katniss and Cato stayed at the back while the Feis went on so they could get the best shot of what was going on. The little girl Peeta had helped went through her routine without an issue, earning a standing ovation from a lot of the crowd. Katniss tsked and murmured something along the lines of, "If he had the right mind he could become a teacher. Except if I brought it up, my head would be bitten clear off my shoulders."
Yeah, Cato knew what that felt like.
Cato grew to learn the extent of how talented Peeta was. It started when Peeta danced. It turned out that earlier, when he had been counting to himself, he had been going through dance steps in his head. The dance he was doing was so complicated, he had to make sure he got each step right and in time. But God was it worth it. He was like a bird. He didn't falter once. It was like the dancing had always been there, at the back of his head, but years of caring for his mother and worrying about everyone before himself had caused it to get lost in a wave of responsibility and worry.
Katniss smirked when it was over. "Close your mouth," she whispered. "The flies are coming."
Cato glared at her but she sweetly tapped his chin closed.
The learning didn't stop there. At the end of the Feis, Katniss revealed something interesting. "You know Peeta painted this entire hall."
Cato looked up, at the height of the walls. Each one was decorated with images of the local community. There were depictions of the city; the country; there was even a picture of Miss Trinket, who Cato guessed owned the establishment. "He didn't. Did he?" he asked in awe.
"It meant a lot to his father," Katniss explained. She stabbed a straw into a purple juice box (the only decent thing on offer at the snack stand) and passed it to Cato. Peeta wasn't around, which annoyed Cato because he wanted to tell him how beautiful his dancing had been. "If they didn't get a new paintjob and floorboards then the council was going to close it down. They had enough funds for the floor but not the painting . . ."
"So Peeta did it," Cato sighed.
"Yup," Katniss replied, drinking her own juice box. "It took a year and a half. It was around the time we were dating so I used to get worried because he'd never come home. I used to come here because he was my boyfriend, you know? And Maria couldn't. I'd always find him lying on those seats at the front, passed out asleep with a stupid paintbrush in his hands."
Cato could see it. A dark, empty hall where Peeta slept because he was too stubborn to go home.
"I used to worry because he never found peace," explained Katniss. "Up until the past few months, his life had been very disjointed . . . We've always kind of had an understanding because I've lost my dad as well. But my sister always took that worse than I ever did. I don't know. He's lead a very lonely life. I used to worry about his health because he'd drink himself stupid whenever he felt alone."
Cato looked back on the second time he saw Peeta. On the park bench completely pissed out of his mind. He felt a pang in his heart. It had been comical at the time but now that he knew why Peeta had been drinking it felt almost miserable. "Up until the past few months . . . ?"
"Up until he met you, I'm guessing," said Katniss. She smiled. "You could ease up on him though. Don't think I don't notice how he winces when he sits down."
Cato winced. Oops.
"I mean by all means have as much sex as you want," Katniss quickly said. "God knows Peeta needs loosening up. But you know . . . ease up on him."
Cato smirked to himself. She clearly had no idea what sort of sex life they had. Peeta definitely needed more loosening up but Cato intended for him to be as loose as a goose by the time he was finished with him. The thought of Peeta being a loose cannon when it came to sex made Cato feel unnaturally hot all of a sudden.
"Want some advice?" asked Katniss.
"On what?" Cato frowned.
"Peeta."
Cato's frown deepened. "Alright, I guess."
"There's this song that Peeta can't help but get turned on by. I realized this quite by accident when we were dating. I think it's the closest I've ever gotten to having sex with him," Katniss explained. "Wanna know what it is?"
Suddenly, Cato was intrigued. "What is it?" he asked.
Katniss picked her nails. "You probably don't want to know."
"No, tell me."
"I dunno, maybe you're not interested."
"Spit it out woman!"
Katniss laughed. She stopped picking her nails. "It's 'you can leave your hat on'." She snickered. "He's so embarrassed by how his body reacts to it. It's like his brain doesn't want it but his body does. I think he secretly enjoys the idea of stripping in front of someone he knows is going to appreciate it. My other theory is that he likes being objectified."
Cato guessed it was the latter, if their scenes were anything to go by.
"Hey guys." Peeta approached them, still in costume, with a bag over his shoulder. In his hand was a first place trophy. Nobody had shouted louder than Cato and Katniss when he had been announced the winner. "What are you talking about?"
"Hats," Katniss replied.
Peeta quirked an eyebrow. "Hats?" he repeated slowly.
"Oh yeah," Cato grinned. "All sort of hats."
Peeta looked at his master suspiciously. "Like . . . ?" he prompted.
Katniss played with the end of her braid innocently. "You wouldn't be interested," she sighed. "Especially since you hardly ever wear hats. But if you ever did, you know you can leave it on." She burst out laughing when Peeta's eyes widened and he scowled.
Cato couldn't contain his own smirk of delight. "You could say that you can leave your hat on," he said.
"Katniss, you didn't!" Peeta exclaimed.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it!" Katniss gasped between cackles. "Argh! I'm going to pee!"
Peeta dumped his bag on the chair beside Katniss angrily. "Serves you right if you do!" he snapped. "I thought that stuff that happens at Summer Fetes stays at Summer Fetes! You were the one who said that you . . . you backstabber!"
Katniss grabbed Cato's shoulder for support as she caught her breath again. "I'm sorry but, come on, you'll thank me later. Won't he Cato?"
Cato and Peeta locked eyes. Peeta immediately recognized the dominating glint in his master's iris and he flushed bright pink. "You can count on it," Cato said.
Peeta rolled his eyes and headed for the door, diva style. Katniss pulled a face at Cato that said, "Whoops, I'm in trouble," before getting up and following. Cato didn't wait too long before taking off after them too. As they left the now empty Community Hall, the sun shining like God was in an extra good mood that day, Cato said, "Well you can't leave me hanging now. You have to explain this whole Joe Cocker thing."
Katniss opened her mouth, all intent on explaining, when Peeta stopped and slapped his hand over her mouth so quickly she almost stumbled. "What happens at Summer Fetes stays at Summer Fetes," he repeated. "You're the one who said it!"
Peeta's ex slapped his hand away from her mouth with a laugh. "Yeah, when we were fourteen and stole Davey Plum's underpants while he was washing up in the pond!" She sighed and looked at Cato. "I really should have known."
"I'm not going to take part in this," Peeta declared. He took off in the direction of Katniss' car, bag bumping against his back in a weird rhythm. Katniss apparently arranged for them to come back to hers after the Feis for tea. Cato hadn't been too happy about it when Peeta had told him but now he had gotten to know her, he really wouldn't mind hearing some more embarrassing stories about his sub.
"You don't have to, I will!" Katniss said brightly. She hooked her arm through Cato's while Peeta pretended he wasn't listening as he marched ahead. It was so hot outside the sunshine was practically melting the tarmac. "Every year the local priest used to rent out his Monastery for a week during the summer while he went on a mission to Africa. We always used the space for our Summer Fetes. It was really just an excuse to camp out away from the parents and drink in the woods where no one would tell us to stop. There was music; live bands; sex; drugs. You name it, it was there."
"Yeah, all while the priest was out helping children in Africa. We're such good Christians, aren't we?" Peeta said sarcastically.
"I thought you weren't taking part," said Katniss.
"Call it intellectual input," said Peeta.
"Call it let me finish my story," answered Katniss. "I'm on a roll!"
"If you say so."
Katniss faux scowled but couldn't stop grinning. "I took Peeta to the Fete a year after we stole Davey Plum's underpants. Except this time we were going as a couple. I thought maybe this was my shot to finally get into his pants without things being in the way like Mario Kart-long story. Except this Fete had a theme. And the theme was Karaoke."
"And what?" asked Cato. He was actually quite interested in see where this was going. The Mario Kart thing had thrown him off for a moment but he decided that he would enquire about that later.
"Well, it was the second-or was it the third?-night and Davey Plum decided to sing Joe Cocker's You can Leave Your Hat On," Katniss explained. Peeta groaned in irritation from up ahead. "And I suppose it was really the fact that it was our High School's God who walked among ants that got Peeta angsty about it."
"In my defense, when you see the person you imagine during sexual encounters singing a song like that while you're confused about your sexuality and don't get aroused, then you can judge!" Peeta threw back.
"The idea of you picturing Davey Plum's head on my body makes me feel sick," Katniss muttered.
"Who is this Davey guy?" asked Cato. They'd reached Katniss' car and were basically lingering outside it like predators.
"Oh Cato, you have no idea!" Katniss exclaimed. "He was sex on legs. Not even an exaggeration. But he had this annoying girlfriend who had this high pitched voice. I don't think he even realized how much he was idolized by the other girls in the school. And, er, boy."
"It just seems that that memory of Plum singing that song springs to mind when it plays," Peeta quickly said. "It's nothing. In fact, I can easily calm myself down if I remember the fact that he was singing it for his annoying girlfriend for their anniversary. The fact that he practically stripped during it has nothing it do with it . . . I think."
Cato smirked. Oh he was going to milk this for all he was worth when he got Peeta alone again. It was nice to know some of Peeta's sexual fantasies. Sometimes Cato wondered if Peeta ever even thought about that sort of thing up until he met him.
"But it took Magic Mike to"-
"Okay Katniss, that's enough, I think," Peeta interrupted. Katniss rolled her eyes but couldn't contain her smile. Cato would have gladly listened to what she was about to say but decided that Peeta had suffered enough. Besides, everyone has their embarrassing fantasies. It didn't change Cato's perspective of Peeta. In fact, it made him like him more. It didn't mean he wasn't going to put the song thing to the test later but he was content leaving it alone for now.
It also didn't mean that Cato wasn't excited to get Peeta alone to see him with only his hat on either.
~T~
At Katniss' house, she had an impressive spread ready. It was like she didn't have company often, and went all out when she did. It was clear she was a family person, as she had pictures of her sister and mother on her fireplace, along with a full family photo with who Cato assumed was her dad. He sometimes wondered what it would be like to have parents. To know who his real family was. But he always dismissed it as quickly as it had come to mind.
He didn't love. There was no need for it.
Besides, no one wanted him. He left the orphanage himself when he turned eighteen. He decided then that he would never love. Because if he never loved, then he would never lose.
"I've been working on this recipe," Katniss explained, producing a plate of chocolate brownies. "Tell me what you think."
Cato took one and tried it carefully. "Not bad," he commented.
"Bit rich," Peeta frowned.
"That's the point," Katniss replied. "Rich food from a poor income. It's a metaphor."
"Is it though?"
Katniss shrugged. "I don't even know what metaphor means. It just sounds impressive."
Peeta rolled his eyes. Cato laughed and put his brownie down on the coffee table. "Can I use the bathroom?" he asked.
"Sure. It's upstairs. First door straight ahead," Katniss answered.
When Cato was gone, Peeta felt his best friend staring at him. She had a gaze that could burn through sheet metal. One of the things that had attracted him to her in the first place. "Stop staring at me like that," he finally said.
Katniss lounged back on the sofa with a satisfied grin. "I approve," she finally said.
Peeta laughed. "How come I need your approval of a guy but when I said I didn't like Cray you told me to fuck off and that you were old enough to make your own decisions?" Cray was annoying. He was homophobic and a pervert. Katniss had been blinded by teenage love, especially after the heartache that entailed being dumped by her gay boyfriend. Peeta only wished she hadn't went to such extreme lengths to get over her pain.
"Because I knew what I was doing," Katniss explained. "But Cato's a nice guy." She nudged Peeta with her knee. "Who knew you'd bag a billionaire?"
"I don't want his money," said Peeta. "I just . . . it's complicated."
"You want love," Katniss elaborated with a smile.
"No! I don't! I can't . . ." If Cato found out that Peeta was falling in love with him then he would leave. He would exercise his right to terminate the contract and he would leave Peeta for good. Cato did not want love. Peeta didn't even know if the older man was capable of it. He feared that a life without affection and intimacy had led Cato down a path where he believed the best thing was to lead a life where the only important emotion was lust and greed.
"Does Maria approve?" Katniss asked.
Peeta stared at the brownie Cato had left intensely. "She adores him," he muttered.
Katniss raised her eyebrows. She was surprised by this. Sometimes it felt like the only person Maria had ever approved of had been Katniss herself. Then again, the only relationship Peeta had ever been in had been with Katniss herself. Maria had accepted Peeta's sexuality so simply, so easily, that it became clear that the only thing she ever wanted was for the only son she had left to be happy. No matter what form that happiness took.
"Are you happy?" Katniss placed her hand on top of Peeta's, her caramel tan in stark contrast to Peeta's pale as milk complexion.
"Of course I am," Peeta murmured. Happiness felt so fragile, like it was going to be snatched away from him any second.
Katniss smiled and glanced at the ceiling. "Cato is taking his time," she said. "I wonder if he's okay."
"Maybe your baking has gone straight through him," Peeta said with a small smile. "He doesn't have a steel stomach like me forged after years of dealing with your cooking." Katniss laughed and smacked his arm playfully. "What's in those brownies anyway?"
Katniss shrugged. "The usual. Milk, eggs, flour, hazelnuts, yeast"-
"What?!" Peeta bolted off the sofa in horror. "What did you say?!"
Katniss' eyes widened in alarm. "You heard me. Milk, eggs, flour, hazelnuts"-
"Hazelnuts?!" Peeta shouted hysterically.
"Yeah!" Katniss exclaimed. "Why?!"
"Cato's allergic to nuts!" Peeta shouted.
Katniss' face drained of colour.
Peeta bolted out of the room. "Cato!" he screamed, running up the stairs two at a time. "Cato! Cato, are you okay?!" He slammed himself against the bathroom and knocked frantically. "Cato, answer me, are you alright? Cato!" When there was no answer, Peeta backed up and rammed himself against the door. Once, twice, a third time, until it finally gave on the fourth. The door broke off the hinges and Peeta fell to the floor with it.
Peeta looked up and his heart dropped into his stomach. Cato lay on his side on the floor, passed out. Clutched in his hand was a needle. His epi pen. Oh God he hadn't gotten it in yet. Peeta scrambled to his knees, clawing away splinters of wood and broken pieces of the door. He took the needle from Cato's limp hand and ripped the lid off with his teeth. "Katniss, phone an ambulance!" he screamed downstairs.
Peeta stabbed the needle into Cato's leg with all his strength. A loud click sounded and all the liquid inside went into Cato's system. Peeta turned Cato's face towards him and felt for his pulse. It was still beating but barely. "Hey, Cato, it's me," he said gently. "I'm here. I'm here with you. Just hold on. There's an ambulance coming. KATNISS!"
"I'm calling!" Katniss yelled back.
"See? They'll be here in no time. I just need you to hold on. Just for a little bit longer," Peeta kept talking, even though his words were running together. "Be the strong man I know you are. You just need to stick it out but I'll stick it out with you." Peeta pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. "I love you, hold on to that. I love you so, so much. You won't die because of that. Not like this. Not because of some stupid fucking brownies."
Peeta kept babbling. He couldn't remember half the things he said. When the ambulance came the paramedics dragged him away. They put Cato on a stretcher and took him to the van. "You have to let me come with you," Peeta insisted.
"Sorry, family only," one of the paramedics shrugged.
Peeta screamed in frustration and ran his fingers through his hair. He watched the van drive away. Drive away carrying the man he loved. Whose life hung in the balance. Katniss placed her hand on Peeta's shoulder and squeezed. "We'll follow them in my car," she said.
Peeta wanted to shrug her hand off of him. He wanted to scream at her that it was her fault. That she baked those stupid brownies and didn't think to mention there was nuts in them. He knew this would be irrational. It wasn't Katniss' fault. She didn't know. Peeta should have told her. It was all his fault.
"Come on," Katniss said. She turned and ran to her car.
As soon as Peeta climbed into the car, he finally burst into tears. Katniss rubbed his back with one hand while she drove with the other. She kept saying that Cato would survive. That he was strong and he wouldn't give in. She kept saying everything was going to be okay.
Peeta wanted to believe her but he couldn't.
It was all his fault.
A/N: I'm just gonna let that sink in . . .
Please R&R!