Disclaimer: I own nothing.
––
Daryl woke up in the dark, the empty bottle of whiskey beside him, and he sighed. He picked the bottle up and padded down the stairs. He saw a box of pizza on the counter with a note from Maggie on it. He glanced over it and opened the box, chuckling at the note she'd had written on the pizza.
Stop drinking or I'll kick your ass was written our in red and green bell peppers. He enjoyed eating it, though it had a bitter aftertaste.
He knew she was right, and he couldn't let the mere memory of Carol do this to him. He needed to clean his act up. He wasn't Merle or his father. He could never be. He needed to get control of his life, and that meant all of this shit had to stop. He was a better man than his brother, and his path would never go near that worthless sack of shit.
Daryl cleaned out his fridge, calling T over to help him with something. He had T-dog hide the liquor where Daryl would never think to look. Daryl needed to keep the alcohol as a reminder to not drink it or even be tempted. He just really couldn't know where it was. When he drank, he remembered it all, and it made him want to be sick to remembered it all. He wanted to forget, but it was so hard. It was the most difficult memory, more difficult than the scars his father beat onto his back.
"I'm proud of you," T-dog told him. "Givin' up your vices, and it ain't even New Years." He chuckled at Daryl's unamused expression.
"Man, I need a...drink." He dropped his hand onto the island.
"It's your lucky day. I brought you some grape juice, some apple and if you're feeling really brave, I brought prune juice."
"Screw you," Daryl retorted.
T laughed. "Get some rest, man. You look horrible."
"I'm gonna." Daryl walked him to the door. "Hey, thanks."
"Someone's gotta look after you," T replied. "I just made a promise."
That caught Daryl's attention. "What?"
T mentally cursed. "Huh?"
"Pr—promise? You made a promise?" Daryl narrowed his eyes. "To who? Who'd you promise?"
"You need rest, man. I said I just free time. Time, not promise."
"Nah, I heard promise."
T sighed. "Damn, I told her I wouldn't tell you."
"Her?" Daryl's throat tightened. "Carol?"
He nodded. "The day before...it happened, she came to me and made me swear I'd look after you. I figured it had to do with... I didn't know her plan, and that's the truth."
"She wanted you to look after me?" He felt his chest tighten.
"You know you came first with Carol."
Daryl swallowed. "No, I didn't."
"Not fully in the end," T agreed, "but you were always the first thought she had."
"Damn." He leaned against the door frame. "I need—"
"Jesus?" T offered, smirking.
"Privacy. Go home."
"If you need a couple days off," T suggested, "I understand."
"Naw, I'll be there."
"Mmm-hmmm."
Daryl closed the door as T-dog left, and he ran his hands through his hair. He didn't know Carol had asked T that. He always assumed she just left to achieve her dreams and get out of their marriage. He never thought she might have been thinking of him. He knew that if Carol really was thinking of him, she would've talked to him, not left divorce papers on the island with her signature already fucking above her name and her drawers emptied. If Carol know him, at all, she couldn't have done that. She wouldn't have done that.
He groaned and dropped onto the couch. He rolled over and stared at the ceiling, the light from the kitchen casting shadows, and he needed to sleep. He reached into his pocket and dug out a sleeping pill. He took it without water and closed his eyes, letting the world fade into nothing as he fell into a deep sleep.
– – –
Carol studied with Andrea at the shop, drinking cappuccinos and sharing a slice of cheesecake. Jacqui and Mom were working, and Carol felt them watching her. Carol hadn't touched her drink or the cheesecake, and Carol loved both. She could eat cheesecake for years and never get tired of it. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she wasn't able to eat. She was worrying about her final exams and the essay she'd written to the school of her dreams and trying not to worry about Daryl. She wasn't clingy—or she hoped she wasn't—but Daryl hadn't called or let her know he wasn't going to school. She didn't mind, but usually he did to let her know whether or not to pack an extra lunch. Shane enjoyed that.
"I guess you aren't thinking hard on polynomials," Andrea said to Carol, drinking her cappuccino.
"Is it that obvious?" She felt herself blushing a little.
"Just a lotta bit." Andrea smiled. "He probably just skipped. That math test was hard, and our teacher's a bitch. I'd skip too if I could."
"Probably." She picked up her cup and took a drink. "So, how are things with Shane?"
"Fine, for now. We're not serious, and I have to leave for college soon. Civil Rights Attorney, just like my father." She crossed her legs. "Amy's already hiding my belongings, so I can't leave."
"I wish I had that issue with my little sister."
"Why? What's Beth doing?"
"Pissing me off," she answered honestly. "I know she's young, but she's ridiculously bratty. I'm glad her room is at the other end of the hall."
"Well, Amy's only focusing on the fact that I'm leaving."
"Lucky you. I wish Beth was."
Andrea closed her notebook. "Speaking of Amy, I have to go pick her up from dance practice." She gathered her belongings. "Thanks for the cheesecake and coffee." She gave Carol a hug before leaving.
Shawn sat down in her seat. "What's up, lil' sis?"
"What of mine did you break?" Carol asked.
"Nothing! I just want to know how you are. You look depressed."
"I'm not depressed. I'm stressed." She hadn't been able to focus since last night. She was worried Daryl wasn't going to come to school until graduation. He did avoid people he didn't like. She never thought she would be on that list. If she was, she needed to at least talk to him. She'd made a B on her test, because of how unfocused she was.
"Lemme guess: Daryl?"
"And my B on my math test."
"Your life is so complicated."
"I'll lose 4,000 dollars if my GPA drops, Shawn." She glared. "And you don't understand anything when it comes to Daryl."
"I've known you since you were born, kid, so I do know. He's your first love, and it's ridiculously hard to be away from him. Am I getting close?"
She dropped her head down in her notebook. "Great. I am clingy."
He laughed.
She sighed. "It's not being away from him that's hard." She lifted her head. "It's him being...distant that's hard. Recently, I feel like he's pushing me away. I don't know what it is or why he feels the need to push me away, but I will find out. After I memorize this formula."
"There's this fantastic new thing you can try."
"What?"
"Talking to him!"
"Really? Why did I not think of that?" She closed her binder. "Oh, Dad wanted me to ask if you would take part in our new item on the menu: Shawn-cabobs. They're made with genuine Shawn."
"Go home." He picked up the plate. "Study and feed Beth."
"She's not a dog." Carol shouldered her bag. "And I need your car keys."
He dug them out of his pocket and handed them to her. "Leave my car at T-dog's."
"I will." She picked up her cappuccino and left. She set her purse and binder in the passenger seat and drove over to T-dog's shop. She threw away her now empty cup and went inside."T-dog?" She didn't see him, so she peered down into the next room. She heard the sounds of equipment being used, so she followed them and found where T-dog and her car were.
"I'm sorry to just walk in," she said automatically.
"That's fine," he assured her, smiling.
"How's it going?" She was hoping to find it almost done. From the look of it, she would never get her car back.
"If it's not done now, it'll be done by the time Annette gets off."
"Really?"
He laughed at her disbelieving expression. "This isn't your car. Your car's outside."
"Thank God, because I can't afford all of that." She laughed.
"About that." She met his eyes. "Your bill's been paid."
"What? How? I'm still saving." Hershel was going to help her with the last bit of money. Who would pay her bill for her? There's no way Shawn would, and Maggie hadn't left the cafè since school let out, and the whole reason Hershel was paying the last of it was because Carol was earning it by working. Who was left? Uncle Otis? Patricia? No way. They didn't even know about her car. Did they?
"Never mind. Where's my car?"
"Through there." He pointed to the door.
"Thank you." She left through the door he pointed at and found her car and Daryl. She paused and looked him over. He wore a black t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a red bandana was hanging out of his back pocket, and he was bent over, working on something in her car. She paused because not only was he working outside and slightly sweaty, but the muscles.
Daryl tensed when he felt eyes on him and looked over, seeing Carol staring with her mouth open. "What're you starin' at?"
"Nothing!" She felt her face burn. "I—I'm just surprised to see you. Here, I mean. I thought you were sick or...something."
"Why?" He squinted at her.
"You weren't in school."
"So? Missin' school ain't a crime."
"I know, but you should've told me. I brought your lunch."
"I told you to stop." He leaned against her car.
"Perhaps I will." She walked over to him. "I figured you'd rather have homemade food than lumpy potatoes and greasy solution chicken."
"What's really buggin' you?"
"What makes you think—?"
"Carol, it's me. I know."
"What happened last night?" she whispered.
"You tell me."
"Daryl."
"You're goin' to college outta state, aren't you?"
"Yes." She searched his eyes. "Who told you?" He was good at guessing, but not that too.
"Maggie and Beth."
She scoffed. And they said they wouldn't. She should've known. Beth's had a crush on Daryl since she first saw him. "Bitch," Carol hissed, not meaning to say it out loud or at all, and she sighed.
Daryl laughed.
"What are you laughing at?"
"Nothin', you just ain't one for cussin'." He smirked.
"Stop that." She felt herself smiling. "We really need to talk. I don't want to break up with you, Daryl, and I don't even know if I'll get accepted."
"You will," he assured her. "They'd have to be stupid not to."
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. "Thank you." She ran her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. "You can always put me at ease. How do you do that?"
"Hell if I know." He pulled her in and kissed her.
"Hey, hey, hey," T-dog called out to them, "no makin' out with the customers during working hours."
Carol broke the kiss and buried her face in the crook of his neck, trying not to laugh, and Daryl pushed her back by her hips and stood up, letting go of her hands and showing T they were done. He gave his "Mmm-hmm" before going back inside, and Carol laughed out loud then.
"Shh, he can hear us."
"I'm sorry." She covered her mouth with her hand and tried to stop.
"Focus on your car." Daryl closed the hood. "It's done."
"And paid for." She sighed, no longer finding it funny. "Who would pay for my car? I can't think of anyone." She lifted her eyes. "Unless you had something to do with it."
"Pfft, wasn't me."
"I'll find who it was myself then." She walked over to the driver's side and opened the door, tossing her purse into the passenger seat. "This feels wrong. I really wish I could just pay for it again."
"Be my guest. I might get a raise."
"Ha ha. It's nice to know someone's enjoying my guilt."
"Speakin' of guilt...'bout prom," Daryl changed the subject, "do you mind if we don't go?"
"You don't want to go?"
"Nah. Do you?"
"God, no. I'd rather keep the money for college fees." She smiled. "I'm glad you didn't want to go either. I'd feel really horrible."
"You thought I wanted to go?" His eyebrows rose. "Do you know me?"
She stuck her tongue out. "I have to go home and write an essay about an English writer, so excuse me, Mr. Dixon."
"Ha ha," he shot back drily.
– – –
Carol and Sophia's trip went smoothly, and they arrived back in Carol's hometown the next day, bright-eyed and caffeine/sugar-deprived. Carol bought a cup of coffee and got Sophia a pack of candies. They walked through town, a lot of people didn't know who the hell she was, and she was so glad. She didn't want them to know and tell her parents before she could even gather the courage to go and see them. She could feel her intestines twisting into knots at the mere thought of seeing her parents or running into her siblings. God, she felt like a runaway. She technically was.
Daryl. What if she ran into Daryl?! Her heart almost broke through her chest it was beating so fast. She felt glued to the ground as if Daryl was walking in front of her, and she didn't want him know. She even stopped breathing. She had kept her thoughts off of Daryl as long as she could, but she would have to see him eventually, especially if he still had his morning schedule at the shop.
"Mommy?" Sophia gazed up at her, the hat slipping down and off her head.
Carol picked it up and placed it back on her head out of habit. "I'm okay. Are you done with that?" She pointed to the candy wrapper, and Sophia nodded. Carol threw it away and her half-empty coffee cup. She took Sophia to a diner to get some decent breakfast food with the two tens she'd "found" in some guy's...wallet on the train. He was rude and snored in her face, so this was making it even. He wore a designer jacket, so she doubted he'd miss them.
Carol took Sophia's hat when they went inside, stuffing it into the knapsack, and Sophia ordered blueberry pancakes with hash "brownies" as she called them and eggs with a glass of chocolate. Sophia didn't like bacon. Her second favorite stuffed animal, Mr. O, was a pig, and she didn't want to offend him. Carol just took another coffee. She was so freaked about her parents and Daryl.
Sophia swung her feet and watched the people outside. "You grew up here?"
"Yep." Carol stirred half and half into her coffee.
"It's nice." Sophia turned to her mom. "Is my daddy here?"
Carol lowered the cup. "Your daddy?"
"Yeah." She sat up straighter. "Is he here?"
"Honey, you know where your—" Carol cut off. She didn't want Sophia to think that what happen between her and Ed happens to all moms and dads, so she lied. "Your daddy's with the angels."
"Like Mr. Hinky?" Sophia loved Mr. Hinky for all of two weeks before he turned up floating in his fishbowl. It was sad, but Carol gave him a royal flushing.
"Yes...like Mr. Hinky."
She nodded. "Wish I coulda meant him."
"You would've loved him," Carol agreed.
Sophia picked up Dee Dee and held him close. She did that a lot, Carol noticed. It was as if he could protect her from anything and everything. Carol never told her where she got that bear, and she probably never would. It wasn't important to Sophia, because Sophia didn't know Daryl, but it meant a lot to Carol. Daryl won it for her at a fair, and she'd taken it with her when she left. It was the only thing that calmed Sophia as a baby and she'd have her four a.m. tantrums. Sophia took good care of it surprisingly, and Carol was glad, because Mr. O had seen Carol's needlework countless times.
"So...who lives here?" Sophia set Dee Dee down when her plate came, Carol gave the waitress a thank you smile and reached over and cut up Sophia's pancakes.
"Hmm?"
"My grandparents?"
Carol poured the hot syrup over the neatly cut pancakes. "Yes, and a few aunts and an uncle."
Sophia paused in picking up her fork. "Two aunts and an uncle?" She smiled. "Do I have cousins?"
"I—I don't know, honey. It's been a long, long time since Mommy spoke to them."
"Oh." She ate a forkful of pancakes. "What're their names?"
"Don't talk with your mouth full," Carol scolded. "Their names are Shawn, Maggie and Beth."
Sophia nodded.
"And there's Grandpa Hershel and Grandma Annette. Oh, and Grandpa Otis and Grandma Patricia." Carol smiled, missing all of them so much in that moment. "Oh, you'll love them, and they'll love you. They'll spoil you too."
Sophia smiled at that.
"I grew up on a beautiful farm," Carol told her. "With cows and chickens and horses."
"Baby cows?"
"Yes, baby cows and baby chickens and baby horses." She crossed her arms on the table. "I bet Shawn will teach you how to ride. He's the best. He gives lessons on the weekends. Well, he used to."
"Anything else?"
"There's duck pond out back."
Sophia's eyes widened. "With real ducks?"
"Sometimes." Carol laughed at her expression, reaching over and wiping ketchup off her cheek. "It's really a great place to grow up. I'm sure you'll love it." She wiped her finger on a napkin.
Sophia ate the rest of her breakfast while Carol finished her coffee, telling her the happier times at the farm, and Sophia couldn't wait to meet her grandparents and aunties and uncle. She was so hyped up on sugar too, so Carol decided to take her around town first. She didn't want her to completely freak out on her parents. They were older now, and their hearts probably couldn't take it.
Sophia spun herself in the grass while Carol looked over the set of keys Karen had left her. She knew the car was probably in town since Karen lived here once and owned a summer home here. It was probably at the summer home or at T-dog's garage. Carol couldn't see Daryl first, so she and Sophia went to the summer house, hopeful.
"Is this where we're staying?" Sophia gaped.
Carol clicked the unlock button, and the garage door opened, revealing a green Hyundai. Carol unlocked the truck, finding luggage inside, and when she opened it, there were clothes inside that would fit both Carol and Sophia. She found a winking smiley face drawn on a piece of paper. It was Karen's handiwork. Carol set the backpack in with the luggage and closed the trunk, unlocking the doors and making sure Sophia was buckled in.
Carol checked the glove compartment, but there were only baby wipes and CDs inside. She started the car and backed up, a key fell down her top and a piece of paper fluttered down. She jumped when the cold key touched her skin, and she pulled it out. It was a house key. Damn, Karen thought this through. She really wanted Carol to get out from under Ed.
"You're welcome, love Karen," Sophia read.
"Hey, hey, hey, buckle your butt back up."
Sophia slid back and locked the buckle. "So, Auntie Karen got us here?"
"Yeah, she did." Carol drove oh-so slowly to her parents' house. "And we are gonna bake her some cookies and sent her a big thank you card."
"With lots of x's and o's," Sophia added. "Lots of 'em!"
Carol laughed. "Tons and bunches of 'em."
Halfway to her childhood home, Sophia had to use the bathroom, so Carol pulled over at the last gas station and walked her in. Carol let Sophia stretch her legs outside while she flipped through the CDs, finding one band in particular that Sophia loved above all others. Carol didn't know why either, but it was better than the horrid country music Ed always played. Ed's put her off a lot of things.
"Sophia." Carol waved the disk, and she actually jumped up and down.
"Yes! Florence and the Machine!" She was beaming. "Oh, please, please, please play Dog Days Are Over! Please, please, please!"
"Fine, fine, fine," Carol mocked her. "Get in the back."
"Mommy, I'm still short."
Carol laughed and helped her into the car, buckling her in, and Carol hoped she didn't start car-dancing like she normally did whenever Florence and the Machine played.
Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink
"I love this song!" Sophia gushed, singing along, and Carol loved to see her like this. It used to be rare, because Ed always used to play the worst country music he could find and yell at her when she tried to sing along or even clap along, and she was glad that bastard wasn't there. She prayed it would be so common she'd want to throw the CD out of the window just to be free of it. Sophia wasn't the best singer, but she was only four and singing to her was just trying to get the words right.
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run
Carol listened to the lyrics and was actually liking the song. It wasn't too bad when Sophia didn't play it on repeat all the day. She even found herself humming along to it. Florence had a really good voice, and Carol no longer minded hearing them in the car or at bath time or...anywhere Sophia could get away with playing her music.
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
Carol and Sophia started jamming, and Carol turned it up loud. Sophia was really getting into it as always, and Carol laughed at her, but not in a mean way like Ed. Sophia was laughing too since she'd learned mos it from Grease, and Carol made a note to teach Sophia how to dance. After she fond somehow who knew how to dance, of course.
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come
Carol could hear Sophia singing now that she stopped, and she was pretty good. It was cute, to be more accurate, and Carol wished she had camera. She wouldn't be surprised if Karen had packed one away for them. She seemed to have everything else.
"Something I don't know," Sophia sang, and Carol laughed so hard.
"Okay, let's calm down." Carol turned it down.
Sophia nodded, out of breathe.
Carol drove for a minute then they both busted out singing, "Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father! Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers! Leave all your love and your longing behind! You can't carry it with you if you want to survive!"
They stopped right after, Sophia looked out the window, and Carol kept her eyes on the road. They both were smiling though.