All You Leave Behind

by Lynnth2014

Carol's on the run from a mistake in her recent past, but the only place she can go has the man she ran from originally. She had to find somewhere safe for her daughter, and that meant going home, back to her friends and family, back where they would find happiness. But with light, there is always dark, and he was Carol's. He would find them, it was only a matter of time.

8. Crashed

She wanted to bash her head into the steering wheel. She never should have invited Beth to come with her and Sophia in search of a decent preschool. Maggie was working on her aim with Rick today and Shawn had a job with some family who wanted "his touch" for their family photos. Hershel and Otis had to tend to the farm today, so Beth it was. Beth and her singing. God, where was the booze?

"Okay, let's try here." She parked and got out.

"Here?" Sophia peered out the window.

"Yeah, here." She opened the door and unbuckled her.

"Carol!"

"Oh, God." She ducked automatically, but she saw where the voice came from and smiled. "Oh, my God!" She set Sophia down and ran to hug Amy Horvath. "Amy!"

"How have you been?" Amy was the exact same girl, only she was woman now with longer hair and a more mature body and an infectious smile.

"I've been really well recently."

"I'm glad."

"How have you been? And Andrea?"

"Andrea's the same powerhouse as always. She's probably out of town for work." She tucked hair behind her ear. "As for me, I've been...okay."

"That's not a happy okay."

"No, I guess it's not."

"Why?" Beth was holding Sophia since the puddles on the ground could swallow her.

"Who's this?" Amy smiled at Sophia. "You are just the cutest little thing."

Sophia returned her smile, blushing. "I'm Sophia."

"My daughter," Carol added. "Beth, could you take her inside? I'll be right behind you."

"Sure." Beth smiled at Amy before leaving.

"What happened?" Carol searched her eyes.

"A lot." She shook her head. "Why don't we have lunch tomorrow? My treat, of course."

"I'd love that."

"Here's my number." She grabbed a pen out of her pocket and wrote it on Carol's hand. "Are you going to enroll Sophia here?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided."

"You should. They're really great here, and I work here too."

"You do?" Carol's eyebrows rose. "Wow."

"For almost two years now." She stepped back. "I have to get back inside, but don't hesitate to call if you have any questions."

Carol nodded.

"Mom?" A little girl with curly brown hair and blue eyes waited in a uniform by the door. She was almost the same age as Sophia, if not older.

"Paige, honey, I told you to wait with Jeanette."

"Come with me."

"I have to go." She turned and went to her daughter.

That little girl looked just like Amy, only with different yet very familiar hair. Carol cleared her head and went inside to meet the principal. Beth was already talking to her, and Beth seemed to like her. Carol had the same opinion by the time they were done, and Carol had butt load of paperwork to fill out. At least she didn't have anything to do until lunch tomorrow. She might as well get used to it. She'd be filling out paperwork for school for the next fourteen years.

––

Carol looked over the paperwork at midnight having taken a late shower and drank too much coffee. Sophia was curled up against her pillows, snuggling Dee Dee, and occasionally kicking Carol. It kept her awake as she read over the dress code and school rules. They were just as boring as ever.

She lied down, her legs and head hanging off the bed. She closed her eyes and wondered what Amy had gotten into after Carol left town. Amy was always the troublemaker of the Horvaths. Andrea was goody-goody, but only to get what she wanted. Amy had done that too, but the last time Carol had heard about Amy, she had dropped out of school. It nearly killed Andrea and their parents, but she went back after a few weeks. Carol wondered how much trouble she'd gotten into over the past few years.

She sat up, hearing a knock on the door. She dragged herself downstairs, tugging her robe tighter around her, and she tucked wet hair behind her ear, peering out the window. She frowned and opened the door, finding a completely wasted Maggie.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carol softly exclaimed.

"Celebrating."

"Oh, God." She covered her nose in hopes of blocking the hot, stale smell of alcohol coming out of Maggie's mouth. "Celebrating what?"

"My job, silly." Maggie threw herself at Carol, hugging her. "I'm so happy you're back."

"Yeah, me too." She moved her arm around Maggie's waist, kicking the door shut gently. "Easy, sit." She helped her sit down. "Stay."

Maggie nodded.

Carol got her a bottle of water and silently returned, opening it. "Congratulations on the job, Mag."

"And your whoring around." Maggie drank from the bottle.

"What?" Carol bent down in front of her, removing her boots. "You're slurring, Mag."

"Stop, I can take my own damn boots off." She kicked at Carol's hands.

"Fine." She stood up. "Happy?"

"You're a little slut. Whorin' around with college guys and gettin' knocked up after abandoning Daryl." She shrugged. "He was so sweet too, but now he's an ass 'cause of...y-o-u!"

Carol frowned.

"Did you know... Did you know that he got shot?" She made a gun with her hand. "Pow! Grazed his head."

"What?" Carol gasped.

"Yeah. Some drug thing, but he made it. If he hadn't, it'd have been all your fault. Shawn was right. You are a selfish bitch."

"You're drunk. Let's get you in bed. Dad's gonna kill you if he finds out." Carol hauled her up and helped her up the stairs. Maggie was skinny, but she was almost all muscle now. She was heavy, and Carol had a hard time maneuvering her toward her bedroom.

Maggie stumbled out of Carol's grip and hit a wall, and Carol winced. "Has this wall always been here?" Maggie pushed off it.

"Yes, it has." Shawn flicked the light on, and they froze. "Ladies. What are you doing?"

Carol was about to explain when Maggie suddenly passed out. "Maggie!" She dropped to her knees. "Mag? Maggie?"

"Aaaand, she's out cold." He gripped her arm and scooped her up. "She's heavier than she looks. Help me with the door."

Carol opened it, Shawn carried Maggie inside and set her on the bed, and Carol removed Maggie's shoes, setting them beside her bed. Shawn grabbed her trashcan and placed it beside her, and they left the room, closing the door silently.

"Thanks, Shawn, and I'm sorry we woke you up."

"I was already up. Hey, c'mere." He led her to his bedroom, and they sat down on his bed, looking at his laptop. "I took a few shots of the munchkin the other day. What do you think?"

Carol looked over the picture of Sophia around the farm and Sophia and Beth at the piano, Sophia and Beth in the barn, Sophia and Beth with the horses, and Sophia and Maggie on the horses. They were all lovely, and Sophia looked so happy. Beth was smiling in all of the pictures, obviously enjoying the time she spent with Sophia. Maggie did too, but there was something in her eye that made Carol wonder. It had been spoken only moments ago as well. "I love them. They're really good."

"Thanks, kid." He knocked his shoulder into hers. "I'm gonna need some of you and Sophia."

"Why?"

"It's a surprise."

"I look horrible in pictures." She shook her head. "I'll probably break your camera."

He frowned.

"I have paperwork to finish up for Sophia."

"What's wrong?" He studied her.

"Tired." She rubbed her shoulder. "It's been a long day."

"You may have been gone for nearly five years, but I know my sister. Something's bothering you."

"It's just..." She shook her head. "Forget about it."

"Carol, it's me. I'm relentless. Tell me now or forever be bugged."

"Do you think I'm a slut?"

"Should I die of laughing now or later?" He smirked, but he could see she was serious. "Carol, you've only been with two guys, and you married both of them. No, you're not. Why do you think that?"

"Daryl and Maggie both have called me a slut."

"Okay, Maggie's wasted, and she never means anything she says drunk. Daryl was pissed. You know how he gets."

"Shawn, I—" Her shoulders began to shake as tears burned in her eyes.

"Carol?" He felt his chest tighten. "Don't cry, kid."

"I—I'm so sorry."

He closed his laptop and pulled her into a hug. "It's all right. Whatever it is, it's all right." He felt dreadful, responsible. He knew he wasn't, but he had always blamed himself when Carol cried. He was her big brother. He was supposed to protect her, and he'd been on double duty since their father died. Hershel was a great father, but Shawn felt like he had to look out for her even more. He owed it to her and their father.

"No, it's not all right." She cried deeply. She cried for what she did to Daryl, what Ed had done to her and Sophia, what she'd done to make it back home and for Ethan. She had been holding it in for so long, trying not to fully breakdown. She wanted to make sure Sophia was safe at all cost, and now she was, but there were so many things wrong. She'd hurt so many people. Perhaps what Ed did to her was her punishment. Maybe she did deserve all of it. She'd caused Daryl to get shot, to fall back on habits that he spent years getting out of, and she'd given him false hope on top of it all. She worried her family, put her mother in the hospital, and now her sister hates her. And why shouldn't she? Carol was a disgusting person who lived a life she didn't deserve.

"What happened to you, kid?" Shawn asked her when she'd stopped crying hysterically.

"Nothing I didn't deserve," she mumbled, feeling fresh tears in her eyes. "I'm going to make some tea and go to bed."

"Talk to me, Carol." He smiled at her reassuringly. "I'm your big brother, and now that we're not tearing each other apart, I'm here for you."

"You shouldn't be."

He frowned.

"Good night." She practically ran out of his room. She went to her bathroom and sat on the floor, crying into her arms so Sophia wouldn't hear her and wake up. She just felt empty, but the pain that clung to her chest felt eternal. All the damage she did, all of the little things she didn't do. Sophia didn't deserve to be exposed to Ed, even if he was her father, but maybe she deserved it.

Around seven, Sophia woke up out of habit. She used to watch cartoons with Karen's brother, Noah, before the babysitter came over. She saw her mom wasn't in bed, but she noticed the bathroom door was open a little and the light was on.

"Mommy?" She pushed the door open.

Carol was on the floor, curled up on the bathmat. Her eyes were puffy, and Sophia knew she'd probably thrown up once or twice. Sophia used to cringe at night when she'd hear her Mom crying and getting sick after he calmed down. She wondered what happened, because he wasn't around.

Silently, Sophia crawled into the small hole Carol had made with her arms in her sleep, and Carol snuggled closer to the warmth, burying her face in Sophia's hair. Sophia could see the scar on her mom's arm, and she buried her face in the soft material of her mom's robe.

"It's okay," Sophia whispered. "It'll be okay, Mommy."

– – –

Daryl brought a cigarette to his lips, taking a deep drag from it and sighing, exasperated. He had a half-empty bottle of whiskey beside him, a glass with two melting ice cubes in his hand. He'd been thinking about Carol for two days now. It was his day off, and he hadn't left his house after calling the only person he had left to turn to in his life.

"Man, that is some shit." Merle leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

"The hell am I gonna do if she's mine?" Daryl gazed down at the drink he hadn't touched.

"What do you wanna do?"

"Raise her right. I ain't gonna be a bystander. If she's my daughter, I'm gonna be there."

"Sounds like your mind's made up."

"Reckon so."

"Go get her then."

"It ain't gonna be like that, Merle."

"Why not?"

"You know why." Daryl pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Ethan, hmm?"

"Yeah. She won't even talk 'bout him."

"You don't either."

"Why should I? He ain't alive. Everything I pictured ain't ever gonna happen. Got the damn touch of death." He leaned back. "It's all screwed up."

"Stop bein' a pussy. Just talk to her, get this sorted."

He sighed. "It ain't that easy, brother."

"Nothin' is anymore."

Hours later, Daryl was alone in his room, staring at the ceiling, a pack of cigarettes lay empty beside him, the glass of whiskey watered down on his nightstand, and Merle's words still lingered. He didn't know how to handle this. He'd never had to deal with anything like this before. He was used to being nobody, a nothing in a crowd of bastards and assholes. Now he might be a father to a child that was alive. How the hell was he supposed to handle that?

––

"That's the spine," the fill-in ultrasound technician, Lilly, told them with a smile. "The heart."

Carol was watching the screen with such fascination, her fingers laced through Daryl's, and Daryl was just watching the screen. Annette was tearing up at the first official sight of first grandchild, and Beth was just trying not to jump up and down at the fact that she was an aunt to a little boy or girl. They were more excited than Carol and Daryl both.

"Would you like to know the sex?" Lilly asked Carol and Daryl.

"Yes," Beth whispered into Carol's ear. "Yes, yes, yes."

"Beth," Annette scolded.

"Uhh, do you wanna know?" Carol looked at Daryl.

"Nah."

"Oh, come on!" Beth whined.

"That's it. Scoot." Annette gently pushed Beth out of the room. "So sorry."

Daryl peered at the door then back at Lilly. "Yeah, we wanna know."

She smiled. "It's a boy."

"A boy?" Carol slowly smiled. "We're having a boy."

Daryl's lips twitched in that I-want-smile-but-won't way. "Ethan Dixon."

"Ethan?" Lilly asked, having known Carol since she was a little. "That's sweet."

"Thanks." She looked at the screen, and her eyes burned.

"No, no, no. You promised, Carol." Daryl hated when she did this. He had no idea what the hell was he supposed to do, and he felt like an ass when she did cry.

"I'm sorry."

Lilly handed Carol a tissue and let Annette and Beth come back inside, Beth wanted to the sonogram, and Annette hugged Carol, kissing her temple, and Daryl was trying to figure out how he was going to avoid going to those childbirth classes Annette suggested they go to since Carol didn't want to hear Annette talk about it. He was supportive, and he wanted the baby, but he had a limit on Beth. She wanted to tag along to everything, and he was about to kill her.

Daryl glanced over the sonogram while Carol said goodbye to Beth and Annette, leaning against the car.

"If you need help with anything, you can check me out of school any time," Beth assured her.

"Likely." Carol turned to her mom. "I'll be over for breakfast next week, and yes, I am taking care of myself. I'm not stupid."

"I only worry."

"I'm fine. Daryl's more than capable."

"All right." She hugged her daughter. "I'll see you tomorrow for class. When is Daryl going to attend?"

"Six months from never," Beth guessed.

"Car. Now." Carol pointed to it.

"Fine." She set a hand on Carol's baby bump than ran to the car.

"Does she take drugs?" Carol honestly wanted to know.

"Go home and rest. You look tired."

"I will. Tell Dad and Mag I love and miss them." She started to turn. "Oh, and please, please, please, please keep Beth home next time."

"She hid in the truck!" Annette whispered.

"Oh, God."

"I'll call you tomorrow." She waved to Daryl.

She shook her head and walked over to Daryl. "So, Dad or Daddy?"

"Mmm?" He lifted his head.

"What do you want Ethan to call you? Dad or Daddy?" She rested her hands on his hips. "Pop?"

"Pfft."

"Oh, even better Papa?"

"Stop."

She laughed. "Well, you're gonna have to decide soon."

"Lemme think 'bout it." He shoved the picture into his back pocket. "Hungry?"

"That explains it now." She pointed a finger at him. "That's why I only want meat. It's that damn male Dixon eating gene. It's a gene, because you all have it."

He snorted. "All?"

"I saw Mason." She averted her eyes.

"What?" he growled. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you'd look at me like that." She sighed. "Don't get angry."

"Did he see you?" Daryl demanded. "Did you talk to him?"

"No?"

"Carol!"

"Calm down." She glanced over as a couple looked over at them. "Nothing happened. He was at the diner where Shawn and I had lunch. We didn't talk, but he saw me. It's hard not to. He...made comments, but it's nothing I couldn't handle."

Daryl searched her eyes. "Where's Shawn?"

"Working. Freelance photography and all."

"I got one rule, and that's stay the hell away from that bastard." He unlocked the door.

"Nothing happened," Carol insisted.

"Get in."

She sighed, but walked around and got in the car. They didn't talk on the way home. Daryl was fuming. He didn't want his dad to know about Carol or their marriage or their baby. He wanted that fucker out of his life. He didn't want him to know about the baby, but unless his father was shitfaced—and blind—he knew Carol was pregnant. Daryl was going to deal with him. He wasn't going to have his father lingering over his life anymore. He was tired of it. He was going to be a good father to his son, so he needed to deal with his father now.

At the house, Carol unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door, noticing that Daryl wasn't moving. She could see he was tense, his jaw was clenched, and he wasn't getting out of the car. She had a bad feeling about his—everything, but she doubted she could talk him out of it.

"Aren't you coming inside?" She eyed him.

"I'm gonna pick up dinner. Go and lie down."

"You're lying. You're always tense when you're lying." She frowned. "You're going to see Mason. Daryl, please don't."

A muscle in his jaw jumped.

"Daryl, you don't have to prove anything. I know you love me and our son and—"

"Carol, just go inside. I'll be right back."

She exhaled, but got out of the car. "I love you, Daryl. Be home soon, okay?"

He nodded.

She closed the door and went inside. She leaned against the door and sighed, closing her eyes and praying. She hoped that went well. She didn't want him to get arrested or be beaten to pulp in an alley. She just wanted him to come home.

– – –

Carol heard noises coming from the baby's room, and she saw it was eleven 'o clock in the morning. She stood up and walked down the hall to see what was going on. She didn't worry about someone breaking and entering since the neighbor's dog barked at anyone that moved, and if there was anything worth stealing, she'd help the damn burglar look for it. It had to be Daryl.

She found the room had been painted the perfectly light-dark balance green they agreed on, but there were piles of wood lying everywhere. "What...the hell?" She stepped over wood. "Daryl, what is all—" She saw what he was doing, and she stared.

He had bits and pieces of wood lying around, but put together they made up a crib. Not just any crib, not some fancy crap they couldn't afford, but a handcrafted crib.

"Daryl?"

He stood up. "I woke you."

"No, no. Well, technically yes." She looked over the room. "What are you doing?"

"Couldn't sleep. I—just...had to let off some steam, figured I'd use it to do this."

"Make a crib?" She slowly smiled. "You know to make a crib?"

"Yeah."

"That's...incredible! I had no idea." She smiled. "How long have you been up?"

"All night. I haven't been to sleep yet."

"Aren't you tired?" She tucked hair behind her ear.

"Nah."

"Well, how did it go with your—er, Mason?"

He shrugged. "You oughta get somethin' to eat."

"Daryl, tell me." She met his eyes, worried he might have done something he shouldn't have. "What happened?"

"Don't worry 'bout it, Carol." He climbed over the pieces of wood and took her hand. "C'mon."

"Wait, wait."

"Nothin' happened. He was drunk, passed out."

"No, I just want to look at this." She gestured to room. "You did this...for our baby."

He dropped his head, embarrassed. "It's n—"

"Really sweet and amazing," she finished. "I love it. I love you."

He half-smiled.

"Okay, now we can eat."

– – –

Daryl woke to his alarm blaring, and he groaned, not wanting to wake. He didn't want to deal with Carol and this new load of shit. He would rather it all go away, but it wasn't that easy. Carol wasn't alone. She had a four-year-old noisy bomb that could blow up his entire world with one little test.

And why the hell now? Why was Carol back in town after five years? She didn't know that Annette was sick and was only getting worse as days went by, so she wasn't back to offer support and possibly some new doctor. She didn't know about Maggie's career or how well she was doing for a newbie, so she wasn't back to give congratulations. She wasn't back for Beth. She was so sure Beth hated her, and after everything that happened with them, she probably still believed that. The only thing wrong with Hershel was his wife's health, and again, Carol didn't know. Hell, she didn't even care enough to leave them any notice when she left, so they really had nothing to do with her returning. If she tells him they're her reason for returning, he was going to laugh in her face. It was utter bullshit, and she basically thought of him as a dumbass for even considering that to be true.

The other reason was she's lying about not knowing who Sophia's father is. She knows that Sophia's his daughter, and for some reason grew a conscience and decided he had a right to know his daughter. However the reason he and Carol grew apart was because of losing Ethan, so why would she run away after discovering she was pregnant? That made no sense to him. If they were having a child, why run? She probably struggled through college after having Sophia, if she hadn't dropped out after giving birth, so going to school was a shitty excuse. Did she think he couldn't handle it if she lost the baby? Did she think he wasn't going to be a good father? Was he not good enough for her anymore? Did she find him worthless as well?

Maybe she really doesn't know who Sophia's father is.

He sat up. Yeah, right, she knew. Carol always knew everything that was going on in her life, and there was no way she didn't know who the father of her daughter is. She was just sucking the life out of him again.

He stumbled downstairs after taking a long shower to clear his head. He buttoned his shirt, wondering if he had time to grab a bite to eat before going to work. He grabbed a cup from the cabinet and groaned when he stepped on something sharp, cursing.

He dug the piece of glass out of his foot. It was the same glass Sophia had broken days ago. He saw his phone on the counter and tossed the glass into the sink, picking up his phone and calling the Greene's home phone, and Shawn picked up.

"If you're awkward and you know, clap your hands," he answered.

"Tsk, asshole."

"Okay, what do you want? I'm busy."

"Is Carol there?"

"No. She had a lunch date."

"A lunch date?"

"Yeah, someone named Horvath. I don't know. I stopped eavesdropping on her and Beth when they got boring. Shoe talk or maybe nails." He paused. "You wanna leave a message?"

"Tell her to come by tomorrow around noon."

"All right. I gotta go meet Morgan. Have a good day. Make good choices."

Daryl hung up and sighed. No matter what his feelings toward Carol were, he felt something with that little girl. A connection or something that he couldn't get out of his head. If she wasn't his kid, why did he feel like this? Like he...knew her, like...he had to protect her. He had to know why, because if she was his, that meant all of the mistakes he made in his life had a reason.

"Sophia Dixon," he murmured. It had a nice ring to it.

– – –

Carol met Amy with Sophia, luckily Paige was there too, and they all went to lunch. Amy wanted to know how Carol was since leaving town, and as much as Carol wanted to tell her, she couldn't. She lied and told her a shoddy version of the truth. She didn't want anyone to know, but she'd really come close to telling Shawn. Without having something to keep her busy, her mind wondered back to Ed and their marriage. In those five short years, all the hell he managed to force onto her... She just had to keep swallowing it. She had no choice. If she told anyone then they would know. They would look at her like she was broken, and they'd wonder if she needed help to deal with it. She didn't want that. She just wanted everything to go back to normal, and maybe it would. Ed didn't know about her family and the only name he had was useless, so maybe they were safe.

Amy moved a lock of hair out of her mouth that the wind blew into her face, her other hand curled around her cup of tea. "Sophia is really sweet."

"So is Paige."

The girls were playing across the street with puppies Tyreese was trying to sell.

Amy was beaming. "She's the best thing that happened to me."

"Yeah, so is Sophia." Carol laced her fingers together. "How old is she?"

"She'll be five in about two week." Amy didn't look at her.

Carol was stunned. Amy wasn't a child, but to have a five-year-old at her age was ridiculous. She didn't want to lecture Amy until she had the whole story. Paige was beautiful and happy from what Carol could see, but God, Amy was only sixteen when she got pregnant. Why didn't Andrea tell her about that? Or Dale, for that matter. Dale was very close with Carol's fathers, so why didn't she know?

Probably, because you weren't in town, her mind hissed at her.

"Don't judge me, please," Amy's voice was small.

"I'm not worthy to judge anybody," Carol assured her.

She lifted her eyes. "I was so messed up back then. You have no idea how bad it was." There were tears in her minty green eyes.

Carol gripped her hand. "We all have our mistakes. No one gets to go through life without them."

"Dale and Andrea and my parents have done everything to keep this buried. Reputation is everything to them." Amy squeezed Carol's hand. "Well, not Andrea. She was just there for me."

"I'm here for you too, Amy."

"I know I can trust you. Andrea always talked about how she trusted you more than anybody."

Carol frowned. She knew that look, and she wondered if Amy had gone through something similar to what she went through. "Have you—been alone all this time?"

"Since Paige was born," Amy nodded. "I sometimes talk to Andrea over the phone, and Dale...sends money, but I never cash the checks."

"Are you all right? Do you have somewhere to stay?"

"Yeah, of course. I work my ass off to provide for her! I am not a bad mother! Don't you dare—"

"Amy, Amy, Amy! Stop. I'm not calling you a bad mother." Carol eyed her.

"I—I need to go." She tucked hair behind her ears.

"You don't have to."

"No, I—I do." She grabbed her purse and dug out money to pay for their lunch, not caring that she overpaid. She hurried across the street, a car almost hit her, and she apologized then left with Paige.

"Amy!" Carol tried to go after her, but Amy was walking too fast, and there were too many cars. She took the extra money and left a tip. She would give Amy the money when she saw her again. She shouldered her purse and looked up, and that's when the world should've stopped.

"Mommy!"

"Sophia!"

The screams filled the air, blood seeped onto the hot concrete, and Carol's purse was lay on the ground, the contents spilling out.

––

Daryl plopped down on the sofa in his trailer, dying from the boiling heat. He was tempted to lie down in a freezer. He heard the door open as Carol came inside. She removed her cardigan that felt like a sweater in this heat, leaving her in a camisole. This is what happens when Andrea asks you over for a dinner that turns into an impromptu sleepover.

"How do you survive this heat in this tin can?" Carol set her cardigan down on the table, gathering her hair and waving her hand by her face to produce air. It wasn't working in this suffocating heat.

"Like this." He reached over and flicked on a fan that was beside him. "Better than nothin'."

She wasn't really dying. She was used to it, and apparently so was he. She climbed onto his lap and buried her face in his strong chest. "Good night."

"Why're you tryin' to kill me?"

She giggled and sat up, meeting his eyes, very serious. "Look, my birthday's tomorrow, and I really would like for you to come."

He ran his index finger along the scar on her forearm."Hershel ain't gonna like it."

"I don't care." She grasped his cheeks. "Daryl, I love you, and I want you there. It's my birthday, and he can just deal with it."

He half-smiled. "I'll try."

She smiled and kissed him, slipping her fingers into his thick hair. She didn't want her father to control her life. She loved him, but she was getting too old for him to lead her down his path. She had her own path, and Daryl was who she wanted to walk down it with. She would have to find a way to explain it to him. She had too many speeches to deliver, but with Daryl, she didn't mind. He was her first and always.

He grasped her hips and pulled her closer, kissing her deeper. He could feel her hands drifting from his hair down to his shirt and the skin underneath. He wasn't ready to tell Carol, and they both weren't ready for that next step, no matter what their bodies wanted. He wanted their first time to be special, not in the living room of his dingy trailer. He still was trying to figure out how to tell her about his scars without making her go on a rampage or cry her eyes out. He had to protect her from his father.

A chill ran down Daryl's spine, and he tensed when he heard tire on rocks outside. His father was home early. Why? The only reason for his father being home late is that asshole got fired for drinking on the job.

Daryl grabbed Carol's hands. "Stop. Carol, stop it."

"What?" She thought he was being playful.

"No, get up."

"Why?" She studied his face, the fear that was appearing there. "Daryl, what is—?"

But it was too late. It was far too late. In came five foot eleven, graying dark hair and stubble, anger-filled blue eyes Mason Dixon. His cold eyes settled immediately on Daryl and Carol, and he erupted, his voice booming more than Merle's ever had when caught them like this.

"What the hell are you doin'?!"

"Nothin'," Daryl quickly replied, trying to explain, trying to be rational, hoping he wasn't drunk—not that it mattered anymore.

He grabbed Carol by her elbow so hard she winced, and he ripped her away from his son. "You goddamn bastard," he spat at Daryl. "This bitch could get pregnant! You ever think about that?"

Daryl said nothing.

"Get your hands off me!" Carol hissed, glaring. "Who the hell are you to talk to anybody like that?"

His eyes flashed, and Daryl knew that look. He smacked Carol across the face so hard she fell, and he began to undo his belt. "I'll show you who the fuck I am."

"No!" Daryl threw himself over Carol just as his dad's belt sliced into his skin, and he protected her. Carol felt every lash of the belt jolt through Daryl, tears burned in her eyes as Daryl's grip on her grew tighter and tighter as the belt hit him harder and harder, and neither of them could move. Her heart was tightening more than Daryl's grip as he was held her against him, leaving her helpless.

When it was over, Mason spat on Daryl's back and rubbed it in with his boot. He dropped the belt on the chair, grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV.

Carol shuddered and tears fell from her eyes, and she let out a small panicked breath, because Daryl wasn't moving. She sniffed and slowly moved, Daryl released his grip, and she sat back, looking at him. He was pale, sweat coated his forehead, and he was wincing. She saw his shirt was turning red, and she looked at his back. Blood covered his back, there were holes in his shirt from how hard his father had beaten him, and Carol saw blood on the belt. Old and new blood.

"You son of a bitch!" Carol grabbed the belt and went for him, but Daryl grabbed her and pulled her away. "You're the bastard!" she screamed. "I hope you choke on that beer!"

Daryl hauled her out of the house as Mason chuckled, Carol was still screaming at him, and if they didn't live so far away from everyone else, she would've gotten the cops called on them. "Carol!" He released her and gripped her shoulders. "Carol, stop it!"

She looked at him and the angry vanished. "You need medical attention." She wiped her eyes. "I'll take you to the hospital."

"No."

"Then let Daddy look at you. You're not getting out of this. Those are gashes, Daryl! Gashes!"

"No, I'm fine."

"No, you're not! I'm not taking no for an answer anyway. You're going to let Daddy see you. Get in the car." She opened the door. "Do you need a pillow or blanket? I have some in the truck. Hold on." She unlocked the truck and grabbed the blanket and pillow. She covered the seat with the blanket and held out the pillow. "Here. Get in." She hurried to the driver's side and got in once Daryl was seated.

She drove quickly back to her house, running inside and calling to her father and Shawn. They helped Daryl inside, even with him protesting, and Hershel took him to the guest bedroom. Maggie got the first aid kit, Beth stared in horror, and Annette took the kit and told Maggie to stay with her sisters. Carol stood outside the door, still hearing the lashing of the belt and Daryl's pained groans at her ear. She started shaking as her emotions overwhelmed her and fell back against the wall and slid down onto the floor. She pulled her legs to her chest and sobbed.

Maggie sat beside Carol and put her arm around her, pulling her close, and Beth took the empty space on Carol's left, taking Carol's hand and holding it in both of hers. They said nothing, just let Carol cry, and they comforted her. They didn't know what happened, but whatever happened must've been horrifying. Those marks on Daryl's back—the blood and his vacant eyes. God.

Carol knew Daryl had a rough life, because of his father's drinking problem and what little income they had, but she never once thought it was that bad. She never thought his father would ever put his hands or belt or anything on Daryl like that. And he was enjoying it. How could he do such a horrible thing to his son and laugh about it? Why would he do that? How could he do that? Carol never could've imagined that's why Daryl never wanted to leave her house or school. She thought it was Merle teasing Daryl like he used to. God, she was so wrong. She was so stupid too. How did she not see it? He'd changed so much, flinched every time she touched him lightly anywhere. Was she hurting him? Is that why he always tried to make sure she never hugged him from behind? How could she have been so blind? All the signs were there. How did she not see them? She was a dumbass.

Once Hershel was almost done, Annette left the guest bedroom and found her girls curled up on the floor. Carol was resting on Maggie's lap, her legs on Beth's, and Maggie was stroking her hair, probably trying to get her to sleep, but her eyes were glassy and staring off into space. She wished Carol didn't have to see whatever it was she saw.

Annette lowered herself down onto her knees and set a hand on Carol's rosy cheek. "Carol? Honey?"

Her eyes oh-so slowly moved to her mother's face. "Is he okay?"

"He's fine. He's resting. Your dad gave him something to ease the pain, and it put him to sleep."

Carol closed her eyes. "Thank God."

"Girls, why don't you and Shawn finish peeling the potatoes for dinner?"

"But—" Beth started to protest.

"Go."

Carol pushed herself into a sitting position, Maggie and Beth left with Shawn, and Annette grasped Carol's cheeks, wiping away the tears that fell. Carol told her what happened with Daryl's father and how Daryl protected her from being beaten. Annette was glad Daryl had protected her, but she wished neither Daryl nor Carol both had been exposed to that.

"I should've done something," Carol softly said.

"What could you have possibly done?"

"Protected him!"

"Oh, my sweet girl." Annette pulled Carol into her arms and held her. "I know you think you could've done something, but there was nothing you could've done. What happened was not your fault. It was the fault of a bad godless man."

"He's suffering, because I was stupid. He was beaten for my mistake." Her eyes filled with fresh tears. "He was bleeding so badly."

"Sweetheart, Daryl is going to heal. He'll scar, but he will heal. What are you going to do?"

Carol looked into her mother's eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You're an intelligent young woman," Annette tucked hair behind Carol's ear, "you'll figure it out."

Carol sniffed.

"Dry your eyes, pretty girl." Annette smiled warmly at her. "Your father's done, so go and check on Daryl. He may not be conscious, but he'll know you're there."

Hershel stepped out of the room, looking down at Carol and Annette, seeing just how red Carol's eyes were, the tear stains down her cheeks, and he helped them stand up. He gave Carol a tight hug then he and Annette went to help the girls and Shawn with dinner.

Carol paced outside the guest bedroom, not entirely sure she could go in there. She wanted to see him, and she wanted to tell him how brave he was and how sorry she was, but she didn't know how to say any of it. She didn't want to thank him for taking a beating he didn't deserve. God, how was she supposed to do this? She'd never had to do this before. She never expected to. Daryl had always been distant, but he would never hide this from her. It had to be only recent. It had to be.

She took a deep breath in and entered the room. Daryl was on his stomach, face toward the walls, and his breathing was even. His back was covered with bandages, and she expected that. What she hadn't expected made tears burn in her eyes again, and she felt sick and breathless.

The places that weren't covered with white bandages held aged scars from past beatings. This had been going on for a lot longer than Carol had hoped. From the look of them, they were probably three or four years old. He'd been hiding this for almost as long as Carol knew him, but why only recent had he shown signs of the abuse? Or had she only noticed recently? Why didn't he tell her? Why didn't he trust her? He may be the man, but in a relationship, both man and woman are supposed to protect each other. Why didn't he trust her to protect him? Damn it, Daryl.

She climbed onto the bed gently, careful to avoid the bandages and she hovered over him, leaving only a small space between her front and his back. She nuzzled her face into the crook of his shoulder. He smelled now of disinfectant and faintly of blood. She smoothed back his messy hair and placed a kiss behind his ear. "Listen to me, Daryl Dixon," she spoke softly, "and listen good. I am more than your girlfriend—I am your best friend, and I would rather die than see you like this. When you wake up, we're going to have a very long talk, because I love you."

She sat back and looked him over. She didn't want to leave his side, but her parents wouldn't let her stay in here if that meant not eating dinner. They were really strict about not skipping meals. She wasn't sure if she could eat. Her stomach had been weak ever since they left Daryl's place. She could force a few bites down then come back.

Carol squeezed Daryl's hand before getting up and joining her family for dinner. They all looked surprised that she had come willingly. Carol didn't need to sit by him and pity him and hate herself. There was someone she should hate, and she already did enough before this day. She needed to talk to her father and mother after dinner. Someone needed to report Mason for doing this, and if Daryl didn't do it, so hopefully her parents would. They surely wouldn't let him go back to that hellhole. God, please don't let them do that.

Once her few bites were stuck in her throat, she returned to his room. She stayed with him all night, lying beside him on the bed, and her father would occasionally come in and check on his temperature, making sure none of the wounds got infected. Hershel, to lift his daughter's spirits, would ruffle her hair until she laughed. Carol wasn't sad, but she wasn't smiling happy. Her parents had agreed to take in Daryl, but they were going to let him decide what to do. He was an adult now, and they couldn't make the decision for him. Carol knew how Daryl would treat this, but she hoped she was wrong. If she wasn't, she would deal with this.

– – –

Beth, Maggie, Shawn and Hershel rushed into the hospital. They didn't want to be rude, but they had to know what the hell happened and if she was all right. There were too many people in the hospital, and no one was around to help. They about to start pushing.

"There she is!" Beth ran over to where Carol was sitting. "Carol."

"Oh, my God." Maggie covered her mouth with her hands at the blood on Carol's dress.

"What happened?" Shawn crouched down, looking into his sister's teary eyes.

"I—I..." She shook her head, unable to talk.

"Carol?" Hershel sat beside her. "Honey, are you all right?"

"She's coming off a sedative." Lilly walked over to them. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

"You sedated her?" Shawn shot up. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"She was hurting herself," Lilly informed him. "She slammed her hands against those doors, calling for Sophia, and she kicked the wall as well. Some of that blood is her own."

Beth took Carol's bloody hands in hers. "What happened?"

"Sophia was hit by a car."

Beth whimpered, and Maggie set a hand on her shoulder.

"She's okay, right?" Shawn put his hands on his hips. "She's all right. She's tough. She's all right."

"Shawn—"

"No! I refuse to let someone else in my life be taken away by some irrelevant asshole who couldn't keep his eyes on the road!" Carol reached out and gripped his hand, and he exhaled, trying to calm his anger. "Is she all right?"

"For the most part." Lilly nodded. "She's a very lucky little girl. She has no broken bones, and there's no damage to her organs."

"For the most part?" Hershel repeated. "What does that mean?"

"She's lost a lot of blood, and she'll need stitches, but she's fine. Like I said, she's a very lucky little girl." She smiled at them. "You'll be able to see her soon."

They all let out a relieved breathe, but Carol started to cry and angry began to boil up inside of her. Shawn asked them to leave, because he knew why she was so upset. It was the same reason he was so pissed. Beth and Maggie were great sisters to Carol, and Hershel was a great father, but right now Carol needed her brother. Or maybe he needed her.

"Breathe, kid." He set his hands on her shoulders. "She's fine."

"I don't think I've been breathing." She met his eyes. "She was hit by a car, Shawn. She was hit by a car!"

"And she made it!"

"She wouldn't have been at risk if I hadn't let her get out of my line of sight. If I hadn't let her go play across the street, she would've been fine."

"How can you think this is your fault?"

"It always is!" She stood up. "I've been the world's worst mother to her! You don't even know the half of it, so don't stand there and tell me "she's fine", because I know that she would be better off without me!"

His brows furrowed in confusion. He'd always known Carol to be very harsh on herself, but never like this. Whenever she would be harsh, it was mostly about school. Carol was very maternal, and she always took care of people like they were family. With babies, she was so gentle and always tended to them with love. She would rather die than let anything happen to them, but not this. What happened to his little sister?

"I'm taking away every chance she has for a normal childhood." She stepped out of Shawn's reach. "I'm ruining her life. God, I'm putting her life at risk. What mother does that to her child?"

"It was an accident."

"Yes, but if I was a good mother, I would've been right there to protect her! After everything we went through, I—"

"What? What have you been through?"

"I—" Her eyes widened then she dropped her eyes and glanced over to see Daryl standing a few feet away. She shook her head and hurried out of the room. She headed for the bathroom where neither Shawn nor Daryl could follow her. She removed her jacket and threw it on the ground, looking at herself in the mirror. There was blood splattered on her dress, her neck and even her hands. She stared at this person, shuddering.

I tell you what!

––

She held her hands up to her head protectively as the plate shattered behind her, rice and chicken clung to the wall, sliding down slowly into the pile of peas. She had been dealing with Ed's temper since his worth at his job was in question. She knew that little things set him off, so she though making his favorite dinner would ease his stress, but it only pissed him off further.

"You said you wanted chicken," Carol reminded him.

"Oh, I said? I said!"

"Sophia's sleeping, please don't wake her. Just keep your voice down, Ed."

"What?" He looked at her.

"This is the first time in weeks she's fallen asleep this early, so please lower your voice."

"What the hell did you just say to me?"

"Our daughter is sleeping, so shut up!" she snapped.

His hand came across her face so hard, the sound echoed in the room and he busted Carol's cheek open and knocked her to the ground into the pile of shattered glass from the bottle of wine. "You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to fucking do!"

She groaned, feeling the glass biting into her arms, and she looked up at him, feeling small.

"What?" He bent down. "Hmm?"

"You have no right to hit me." She stood up.

He chucked then shot up and slammed her hard into the wall, but before she even had time to process the pain, he threw her into the aquarium. Carol could taste the blood in her mouth, the metal had knocked the wind out of her, and she wasn't sure if she should move. She didn't know if she could. "No right?" He nudged her with his boot. "You signed away any rights when you signed that marriage certificate, Mrs. Peletier."

He shook his head. "Don't forget to clean up. I'm going over to Phillip's for a decent meal." He stepped back, squashing the blue fish that Carol loved. It was a gift to Ed on their six-month anniversary. It was for all the good times and support in the past and to come, and now it was dead. Perfect timing, it would appear.

––

"What's up, beautiful?" Karen set the enchilada casserole on the counter that her grandmother had made, unwrapping it for all night study session while the nanny took Sophia to her home for the night. They had exams coming up, and they needed to study their asses off and then some. "I brought food. What did you bring?"

"Vodka."

Karen almost laughed. Carol wasn't a drinker. She was such a light weight, and Karen knew that was how little Sophia was conceived. Not that it matter, because that little girl was precious. "Vodka?" She looked up and frowned. "Carol?"

She was curled up in sweats, her hair covering her face, and there were two empty bottles of alcohol on the floor. "I'm not really in the mood to study, Karen. I'm really tired."

"These are final exams, Carol. It's do or die. You know our teachers won't reschedule." She walked over to her and swung her leg over the bench. "We've been studying for these in between work hours and diaper changings. We've worked too hard to—Oh, my God!" Karen saw the welts on Carol's arm. "What happened?"

"Allergic reaction." She practically flew over to the front door. "Look, I'm really exhausted, and I need to sleep before Sophia comes home."

"Allergic reaction?" Karen walked over to her. "To what? And if I remember correctly, shouldn't be in the hospital with a swollen throat?"

"Karen, please."

"What did he do?" Karen demanded. "I know men like Ed. What did he do?"

She sucked in a deep breathe and sat down on the stairs, sitting in a ball and wracking her hands though her hair. She sniffed and lifted her head, and Karen dropped onto the step beside her. Her face was a mass of blue and purple bruises, her lip was busted as well as her cheek.

"When...?"

"When hasn't he?" Carol inhaled deeply, choking on the air. "The rest of my body is just as bad. I can't even brush my teeth, because he chipped two of them. And why bother eating? Every frigging time I try to eat anything—and I can only eat soft foods anyway—he smacks it away from and tells me I've eaten enough."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know. Last week?"

"Are you serious?"

"I can sometimes sneak bread before he locks the kitchen doors."

"He locks the kitchen doors?"

"Dramatic, isn't it?" She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "I sometimes try and eat some of Sophia's baby food when I feed her, but then I feel horrible, because I'm taking food away from her." She broke down crying, and she buried her face in her hands, lying her head in Karen's lap.

Karen smoothed her hair down. "Do you want to leave?"

"Is that an option?"

"It's always an option." Carol didn't say anything. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No," her voice was small. "I just want to disappear."

"That's an option too."

"I want my dad and my mom." She dug her nails into Karen's thighs as the tears burned her eyes. "And my brother and sisters. I want Daryl."

Karen had often hear Carol talk about Daryl. She'd get this look in her eyes, and Karen saw such love in that look, but also deep sadness and pain. She didn't know the full story, but she knew one day she would, and on that day, she was going to make sure this Daryl was there. After the sixteenth time Karen walked in on Carol having a nightmare or dream and calling out for Daryl, Carol owed her that. She spent so many paychecks on coffee and brownies to sooth her, after all.

"Let me run you a bath." Karen stood up. "C'mon."

Carol complied, all of her resistant had died. She undressed while Karen drew her a bat, looking over when Carol had her back to Karen, and Karen saw bruises on her hips and welts on her legs. It made her sick with rage, and she was going to talk to Ed. She wasn't going to ask for permission. Carol would just have to hate her, because she wasn't going to let this happen.

Carol sank down into the tub, shivering.

"I'll go make some tea." She smiled reassuringly at her.

Carol wrapped her arms around her legs then leaned back until she was fully submerged in the water. She held her breath and let the world disappear as water filled her ears and settled over her body. She felt safe and warm, like when she was little and her mom would bathe her. She almost wished she could go back to being that little again and having her mom wrap her in a big, warm towel.

She opened her eyes and saw Ed. She gasped, swallowing water, and she shot up, coughing and gagging on water.

"Carol?" Karen set a hand on her back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

She coughed. "I—I thought you were Ed."

"I'm not." She grabbed a dry washcloth and handed it to Carol.

If she only thought she saw Ed and her heart jumped out like this, she needed to get away. Unless he changed, she needed to leave. Maybe he would change. Maybe?