Update 2/24:

Mari-

It is with the utmost relief I received your letter at some squalor here in Lowtown. I had given up hope you yet lived, and honestly I am not sure if it was better to think you dead or know you are with the Grey Wardens. Mother cried, and took hours to calm down. She said something about this being the second threat to you from the Wardens... I don't know what she means so please, please be careful Marian!

Bethany and I are working for a group of mercenaries. You'd hate them, but they've treated us respectably. After a year we will be able to separate and take jobs of our own. It is good to be fighting though, even if all the crooks here are small time.

I'm proud of you Mari. Choose your paths with caution. Know if you die I won't ever forgive you.

-Carver

- In Orzamar -

Marian held the letter she'd gotten from the Jenny courier close to her, reading it again before setting it back into her pack. She had been relieved to hear her family still lived, and that relief took over even from the horror of the situation. Loghain was trying to kill her and Alistair, and much of Fereldan believed the Wardens at fault for Ostagar's mess. Marian determined on their brief stint to Lothering that her first order of business (since Alistair was quietly following her lead) was damage control. It would be part and parcel of their mission, swaying the public to their cause.

Luckily image was a thing Marian knew well. Pick the right person for the right job, and it was almost done for you. Thus the variety she was comfortable with in her group was great. She gathered the witch, the former Templar, the Circle mage, and now the Chantry sister. She hadn't expected the assassin, but his presence was welcome. Somewhat.

Now they had begun to utilize the old agreements of the Wardens, and had travelled into the mountains. Marian found the dwarven city of Orzamar strangely beautiful once you got past the cut-throat politics. It seemed Mari made a good name for herself and the order here, allowing them to continue the journey into the ancient thaig.

In the tunnels, when camp needed to be made, they could just pull-up their bedrolls and create a watch schedule. It made life much simpler as she went with Morrigan, Alistair, and Wynne into the roads. The only problem was that as she slept there before going into the Deep Roads for their quest the nightmares came back, worse. Images in her head, cries of terror, all repeating over and over. It did not improve on the journey, and hours after putting the letter away and putting her head down Marian found herself waking up with a single, sharp part of a scream, sitting bolt upright and wrapping her arms around her body in an instinctive attempt to protect herself.

Alistair had luckily taken the first watch and was there in an instant. "Sorry. I probably should've warned you it can get worse the closer to the darkspawn you get."

Marian nodded slowly, deliberately. "Forewarning would have been nice, yes."

He handed her a canteen. "Mouth is probably a bit dry, yes?"

"I...yes." She took a sip, thankful as it ran down her throat. "Much appreciated."

Alistair sat down beside her. "You know Hawke, I don't know much about you other than that you were with the Lothering militia that joined up with the army. Apparently you have a brother, I think Duncan mentioned." He blushed a bit. "Just wanted to know more about you."

Marian took a deep breath and looked around their small campsite. Wynne and Morrigan were as far apart as possible, and neither seemed to have been bothered by her cry (though she suspected at least Morrigan was awake). Still, she thought hard before looking at her male companion again. Not even Duncan had known the truth, she realized. It was lonely. Besides, Alistair was someone different from the others. From the beginning they had understood something of the other...

Marian finally decided to come clean. It all spilled forth, hesitant but steady. Her father, her sister, and the lifetime of hiding. She detailed how she had come to be conscripted through Duncan's mercy, and told him of her fears. In turn he listened, intently, offering a supportive arm as necessary. He just listened, as she had during their earlier discussions.

"I just got a letter actually. I know they're in Kirkwall. I just..." She let her breath hitch, put her head to her knees. "Maker's balls I'm a mess."

"Yes." She looked up to see his mirth. "Then again, so am I. So is the witch, and even dear Wynne at this point. I wouldn't dwell on that Hawke."

"Of course. After we kill the archdemon we can all find a cleric who'll council us as a group. Cut down on fees for the donations." She forced herself to match his smile. "Your watch is almost over, yes? I'll take it from here."

Alistair happily complied. "If I start muttering or twitching..."

"I'll wake you. Promise."

As her fellow Warden slept, Marian watched the camp and pondered. Alistair was quickly becoming closer than anyone had before, except maybe Carver- only because her brother grew up knowing her secrets. Here was the first person outside the Hawke's she had spoken to about any of her past. She didn't plan on making a habit, but perhaps Alistair was a good exception. They had gotten to very similar places, even if the circumstances were greatly different.

Marian had never wanted anything more before now. Yet she could no longer hide that she was no young girl, and she did have fancies of her own. Alistair was nothing like the men she had eyed in Lothering, or anywhere before that. He was more real, more humorous.

More like her.

Perhaps she should pursue the option, but truthfully she had no idea how to go about asking if he was even interested. She wasn't even sure if the middle of a blight was the best place to be considering the options. She knew it was selfish, but on the other hand this also happened to be the first time in seven years she wasn't concerned primarily with the safety of her family. Possibly, just possibly, this was the perfect time to finally consider what she as Marian Hawke wanted.

When Alistair began tossing lightly in the evening, Marian went to him. A simple brush of his hair calmed the man, and he settled back down with the brief contact. It made Marin curious if that was what quelled the nightmares. The concept begged for more study.

Morrigan was nearest, quite fast asleep. Lightly, Marian eased Alistair into moving just so, getting him nearer still. He never quite woke up, and went deeply into sleep as soon as Marian got the apostate into better position. Not only would it serve to let her observe, it would also be a great prank come what served for morning down here.

The next morning, Alistair woke to feel a warm body against his. It was nice, but strange. "Hawke?" he asked, moving slow.

"Pillows shouldn't move." That was assuredly not Hawke's voice. Alistair shot up to his feet and looked down at a still half-asleep Morrigan now clutching the ground.

Marian was on the side, laughing with a rebellious gleam in her eye.

"Hawke!" Alistair whined.

"Why must you...drone..?" Morrigan finally woke more and, seeing the predicament and filling blanks in, sighed. "That is cruel. Don't put me with the fanatical child."

"You two needed some way to break the ice," Marian shrugged. "Can't fight when it's someone else who embarrasses you."

"I..." Morrigan made to protest than stopped. "You aren't wrong."

"But she is. Can't fight each other, but we may band together against you Warden Hawke."

Alistair had just reminded Marian of the one flaw in her plan. She groaned as even Morrigan grinned wolfishly.

"Umm...sorry?"

"Not yet." Their voiced were scary when in tandem.

"Wynne!?"

"Sorry dear, but you made this mess."

Marian would later admit the resulting chase was the scariest bit of enjoyment she'd ever had.

Alistair and Morrigan were back to bickering while they walked the whole day however. Marian tired of it, staying with Wynne and doing her best to block it out. Her mind was scrambling enough without the added frustration; no need to borrow trouble.

It happened after Morrigan made a comment on how Marian's saved mabari was more intelligent than Alistair. It wasn't off-hand, but definitely felt tossed away. It still brought several minutes of silence before, quietly, Alistair asked, "Why do you always go on about how stupid I am? I'm not stupid, am I?"

Morrigan softened her voice, answering lightly. "If you need to ask the question..."

"Because it hurts my manly feelings, you know." Alistair chuckled, though it didn't quite reach his tone. "All one of them."

The Witch paused to take his hand. "Then I'll be sure to write you an apology once all of this is over." It was a friendly motion, and dropped within seconds, but just enough to make Marian smile. Finally, somehow, the two most combative members of her party were starting to tolerate each other.

After Orzamar was clear and the dwarves pledged to the cause, Marian returned to the entire group. She was pleased to note that Morrigan chose to stop keeping her own fire and join the rest of their band. She even stopped bickering with Alistair- not that she didn't tease, but the tones changed dramatically, easier and more jovial. That Mari saw her fellow Warden was able to handle, and she managed to calm. She didn't stop thinking of Alistair though, her mind working in new, strange patterns. Even the nightmares changed drastically to include him, disturbing her beyond reason.

It was Marian Hawke's first crush.