AN: I apologize for being gone so long. I have no excuses to make except that real life is kicking my ass. Sometimes, weeks go by before I get the time to even check my emails, let alone to sit down and write. I wish I could say that my schedule will clear up soon but it doesn't look likely. That being said, I will NOT abandon this story. Please be patient with me.

( Also, did anyone else see season 10 episode 5? Wasn't it the cutest thing ever? This episode actually inspired me to make the time to write again. Especially the BM scene! Hilarious! Does anyone know what I am talking about or am I just rambling like an idiot?)

IMPORTANT: About this chapter, I realise that many of my readers will not be happy with how I've done things. But this is my portrayal of how I believe things should have been. I have included an explanation in the an at the end. I hope it makes you understand why I did what I did. I hope you will take the time to read it.

Chapter 20

There are moments in life, rare moments, that are deemed life-changing. A miraculous, incredible avalanche that buries your old ideas and perceptions and leaves something new in it's wake; something different than before, something that alters your life, something life-changing.

These life-changing moments though, may not necessarily be categorized as good or bad. They're just…different, metamorphic, for better or for worse.

They just descend upon you with all the grace of a meteor hurtling through space and crash-landing on earth and suddenly…everything changes; your ideas, your thoughts, your opinions, your dreams… your life…

And when such a moment arrives, something life-changing, earth-shattering…you change too. Because nothing is the same again and you won't be the same again. For better or for worse.

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'The silence was suffocating…'

A common enough phrase; clichéd, even. The suffocating silence…

And yet, given the situation, Dean couldn't help but dismiss the statement as an understatement. This silence, the silence between him and Sam, it wasn't suffocating. It was…deafening. 'Deafening silence…that's an oxymoron…or is it ironic?'

Every sound, every quiver was impossibly stretched in the void of the prison. His heartbeat, his breathing, Sam's breathing was amplified, pronounced. The blood flowing sluggishly from his wounds and dripping onto the cold, stone flood was the loud ticking of an obnoxious clock, wordlessly declaring his last minutes, before life as he knew it was no more.

Drip….. Drip… Drip.…closer and closer to those final moments, his last breathes, his exploding heart…

But the anticipated explosion, the toll of the final bell, never came. Instead, the silence stretched on, loud, overwhelming, unending.

His heart hammered in his ears, his breaths became short and shallow, his sweat and blood mingled in dripping trails and the silence stretched on.

This was it, the dreaded and inevitable moment. Sam knew, he knew, everything. The horrible, unaltered, raw truth. His greatest transgression, his shameful sin, all laid bare for Sam to see.

Just as he felt his heart frighteningly close to exploding, just as he opened his mouth to speak, Sam's voice emerged, like a bullet screeching through the thick, oily tension and hitting his mark, shattering Dean's thundering heart.

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"You…I can't believe…you…how could you…?" Sam choked on the barely coherent words. His muddled thoughts were even more chaotic than before. His head was swimming with images and sounds and the waves created by his brother's confession. His head hurt. His heart hurt. Nothing made sense.

It was impossible…absurd…ridiculous…lies…all lies…not true…

"It's not true. Y..You're lying, right? T..this is a joke. Tell me the truth. I want the truth."

"Sam.."

"The truth…tell me the truth…"His breathing graduated towards hyperventilation with each word. Impossible…absurd…lie…

Dean didn't reply. His breathing escalated. His entire being surged with denial. No...no …no…not true…

"I'm sorry Sam. I'm so sorry…"

It can't be…it would never happen…no…

Not Dean. Not his Dean. Dean couldn't have done it. Dean wouldn't have given up. Not ever. Not Dean.

Not his brother. The brother who had been his hero all through his childhood. The brother who had raised him. The brother who had loved him more than his own life. The brother who had taken care of him when he was sick. The brother who had protected him from monsters and chased away his nightmares.

His brother was supposed to be the hero, not the monster. Dean was supposed to be his annoying but awesome big brother who was unafraid of monsters and risked his own life to save innocents; to save him.

His creative mind had no trouble conjuring images of Dean with eyes satured in the colour of night; dark, vicious, nebulous black that characterized a demon. Dean committing acts of unparalleled cruelty and drenched in the life-blood of his victims.

In those images, his brother was unrecognizable. The light and animation stifled from his eyes, the easy stance of his body rigid and harsh. He was no longer Dean; no longer his brother, no longer his, dare he say it, his hero…

Was that it then? Was his Dean gone? Had his brother perished in the flames of hell and had a demon risen from the ashes? No, he couldn't believe that…could he?

His veins coursed with an emotion he could not name and his eyes stung with tears of frustration. He couldn't bring himself to glance at Dean, who was slumped silently at his side; couldn't bear to behold his brother in a new, terrifying light. His heart was hammering in his chest, loud and demanding to be heard.

'Betrayal', he realized with a start. He felt betrayed. And angry. Angry that his brother's declaration had swept the rug from under his feet, angry that his brother was not who he thought to be, betrayed at being misled and deceived by the brother he thought he knew.

Had he been in a rational state of mind, he might have been have looked at the situation differently, analyzed it, retrieve different conclusions. But he was not rational right now. He was angry and hurt and confused and scared and shocked and terrified….

It is hard to see our idols fall, afterall.

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Dean slouched bonelessly against the cold walls of the cell with his eyes screwed shut against the burning tears of shame and waited. Waited for the explosion and the accusations. Waited for punches and kicks thrown his way. Waited for the end he was sure would come by Sam's hands.

He could hear the hurt and betrayal between choked breaths and gasps, could almost feel the intangible hatred bleeding from his brother. His heart thundered with anticipation. He wanted the end, craved it almost. He deserved it, he knew.

His whole life, everything he had ever wanted, everything he had ever had, was his brother's love. It had been the only thing that he needed to survive, only thing that had kept him going. It was his most prized and precious possession. And now it was gone.

So what reason did he have to exist? What motive did he have to go on when the purpose of his life was no more? What reason did he have to fight when he had nothing left to fight for?

It was better for him to die. Atleast he would be far, far away from Sam's life so he couldn't ruin it anymore. He would be with Alistair in the deepest trenches of hell; where he belonged.

And if he was scared to face the merciless demon, well he was only paying for his many sins. It was no more than he deserved. The world would be better off with him dead.

As he waited for his inevitable doom, the petrifying sound of stomping footsteps resonated in the distance. It grew louder and louder with every second until he could barely hear his erratic heartbeat over the malicious sound.

His body started trembling of its own accord, sensing the cause of his nightmares draw closer. His throat choked on the suddenly dense air that surrounded him. He involuntarily flatten his back against the wall as his mind screamed at him to flee.

And then, just as his heart was about to jump out of his body, the door slammed open with a resounding bang and he stepped forward.

'This is better', he tried to convince himself. 'Atleast Sam wouldn't be forced to sully himself with his corrupted blood.

He was as menacing and powerful as ever, standing tall and regal, confident of his own might. Behind him stood another figure, more bulky and brutish and yet considerably less majestic. Kraven, Alistair's loyal minion who had once been the master torturer's favorite before Dean had usurped his position. The demon grinned at him and winked in amusement, enjoying the situation.

Alistair spoke then, his voice sending shivers up his spine.

"My dearest guests, enjoying your stay? I believe this has been most informative. Now then, have you considered my offer Sam? Surely you can see sense by now."

Sam remained silent. Dean didn't dare look at him.

"Come now, Sam. You must see that there is no use in resisting. Just say yes to Lucifer and it will all be over. It will happen sooner or later. Why deny the unavoidable. Besides, what have you left to fight for? Just say yes, and all your pain and suffering will end."

"Go to hell, you bastard. I'll never say yes." Sam spat at the smirking demon.

'That's my Sammy', Dean thought with pride. He felt a wave of relief momentarily crash over him.

"No?" Alistair asked, feigning disappointment. "Well, I suppose I will just have to persuade you then. And just ask Dean, I am very good at persuasion."

Fear settled in the pit of his stomach at those words and he couldn't stop the barrage of words that escaped his throat.

"NO! You let him go, you son of a bitch. Don't you dare! You lay one finger on him and I swear I'll…"

"You will what? Tell me Dean, what will you do? You are not in a position to be making threats, now are you?" Dean bristled at the smug tone of the demon's voice even as his fear grew. "I wonder, what will you be willing to sacrifice for your brother?"

"Anything." Dean declared adamantly.

"Anything? Are you sure? Will you come willingly with me then? Will you accept your place by my side without resistance? Will you?"

A heavy silence punctuated the speech before it resumed again.

"I might just let little Sammy go then, if you cooperate. What use have I of him. Lucifer can design other ways to have him, I'm sure. But I have no use for him myself as long as I have you."

Dean's breath caught in his throat and yet he had suspected that it would come to this. Could he do it? Was he strong enough? Was he brave enough?

"Come with me Dean. You have nothing left here. Why delay the inevitable?"

The demon was right. There was nothing he could do. There was no other choice. He was weak and helpless and completely useless against the demon's power. This was the only way. Protect Sammy. Even if his little brother despised him, he had to protect Sammy. He would willingly go to hell. No matter how much it terrified him.

He'd give up his worthless soul. He had done it before. He'll find the strength to do it again. For Sammy.

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With Alistair's dramatic entrance into their prison, Sam knew that his bad day was about to become worse. Well that was an understatement. His day was worse enough to begin with and now, he knew that things were about to get unimaginably worse.

His head swirled incoherently with the overload of information he had just received. He wasn't sure he was capable of processing any more at the moment. There was so much to sift through, so much to think about, so many things to consider and not nearly enough time. He wasn't sure a lifetime's worth of minutes were enough to sort out the mess in his head.

When Alistair asked him if he has considered his offer, Sam had nearly laughed. Right…offer, Lucifer, yes, apocalypse, demons, angels, hell…in the wake of Dean's confession, he had nearly forgotten that there were other problems intent on wreaking his life, had nearly forgotten that the devil himself wanted to possess his body and unleash hell on earth.

Not that he would ever consider saying yes. But his brain was preoccupied at the moment. He had been tempted for just a single moment to accept the offer and just say 'to hell with it.' To take the easier option, to fade into obliviousness as Lucifer incinerated his soul and to just give up. Only for a small moment.

But he was nothing if not a stubborn Winchester and it was in his nature to rebel.

Then Alistair started talking about persuasion and fear started trickling through his veins. And then Dean let his tongue run away as was its wont when Dean's short temper flared.

Dean…

He watched in muted horror and confusion as Alistair made his offer and Dean's tormented face told him that he would accept. He could see the fear in Dean's eyes, the terror, the reluctance and finally resignation. He would accept the offer.

Panic jolted his body and his heartbeat began to fly. Dean was going to accept.

Dean couldn't accept the offer. Sam couldn't let him. Because he was Dean, his…brother.

He was still shaken by Dean's earlier confession, still distraught by the realization that maybe his brother was not the superman he had believed him to be.

But in that moment, when Dean was so willing to doom his soul again for him, Sam knew, without a shred of doubt, that his brother was not a monster either.

The real monster was standing in front of him, smirking as he ruined their lives. No, Dean was not the monster here.

Sam had not come to terms with everything he had learned, and he suspected that it would be a while before he would. He wasn't sure that he could look at his brother and see the same man he once saw. He wasn't sure if things would ever be the same again.

But he also knew that he could not let his brother sacrifice his soul for him. Not again.

AN: SO I know that some of my readers will be shocked by Sam's reaction. But I think that Sam would not be so accepting at the beginning. like i said, it's hard to see your idol's fall. Sam is coming to terms with the fact that his brother is human, not superhuman and it will take time for him to grow out of his childhood beliefs. This does not mean he hates Dean now. But it can't be like "Oh, so you tortured souls in hell and nearly became a demon. Cool. So, want some beer?" This is a changing point in the brother's relationship. We are shaped by the circumstances in our lives and Dean's visit to hell will definitely change them. Their relationship cannot come out unscathed. Sam will eventually accept what happened. Be patient. It will take a little while. They may fight and throw punches but they always come back to each other. They are still brothers and they stick together.

As for Alistair, well he's a demon so ofcourse he wants Sam to say yes. However, Dean would always be his first priority for reasons that will come to light in later chapters.

Whew! So what did you think?