If she stared at this page for one second longer without finding the answer, she was going to chuck the book out of her window. She didn't even care that this book was one she had paid for herself since it was a college class. She was so sick of history.
"Carol." Maggie leaned into her room. "You got company."
"Lori?" She turned in her chair, arm on the back of it.
"No."
"Andrea?"
"No."
"Who else do I know?"
"It's your boyfriend," Beth said from behind Maggie.
Carol blushed brightly. "My—what?"
"Beth, go!" Maggie shoved her gently toward her room. "It's Daryl. He's on the porch."
"Um...okay." She didn't move, just turned her head to the mirror in the corner, feeling sick.
"Do you want me to tell him you're busy?" She crossed her arms. "I can."
"No, I just have a couple of tests tomorrow." She stood up. "Tell him I'll be down in a minute, please. I—I'm just about done with this essay. I've been working on it for an hour, and I want to make sure it concludes...well."
"That was the stupidest lie I've ever heard, but nicely done." She headed downstairs.
Carol ran her hands through her hair, her throat sticking together. She hadn't seen Daryl since he accidentally kissed her. It was all still a blur. They were talking in the barn while she brushed Nelly and somehow he tripped or something and kissed her. God, it was so embarrassing, especially when he ran away. It was probably the lunch she had. Damn her mother for her cheesy garlic pasta! Her one pasta weakness... She needed to stop lying. Food was her weakness. And now Daryl...was...here at her home...
She took a deep breath and grabbed her boots, zipping them up before heading downstairs.
"Carol." Annette stopped her on the stairs. "I told you: no leaving the house in that towel."
She rolled her eyes. "I'm just going out to the porch."
"No, it's not a towel," Shawn agreed. "It's a shirt. Where are the pants?"
"You two can debate the length of my dress. I'm going outside." She paused by door, tugging on the hem of her dress, suddenly self-conscious. Daryl had seen her less. Bathing suits and such, but that was before the awkward moment the other day. Should she change? No, it was just a dress. It wasn't even that short, although Andrea was the one who bought it for her.
Shaking her head, she opened the door and stepped out, seeing Daryl sitting on the railing, chewing on his thumbnail. She smiled. Or tried to. She felt a strong need to dig her nails into her arm. She always got itchy when she got nervous. Her mom used to tape mittens to her hands whenever she had to wait for news on a competition. What she wouldn't give for mittens right now. "Hey."
"Hey." He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, there was a long pause, and Carol felt the seconds tick by as he tried to find words—any words, it seemed. "You busy?"
"I'd be lying if I said yes." She walked over to him, scratching lightly at her wrist with her fingernails. "How are you? You've been scarce lately."
"There's a reason for that." He dropped his head, his bangs covering face, but she thought she saw his cheeks flushing.
"Care to share that with me?" She lifted her hand, brushing her fingernails lightly and repeatedly across her neck.
"I think you know what I'm talkin' about." He wasn't able to look at her. He felt ridiculous at how embarrassed he was. It was Carol. She knew almost all of his secrets, so what the hell was he doing? It wasn't like he was proposing marriage. Damn, he needed to just look at her and tell her straight why he ran.
"The barn."
He nodded a little. "Look, I didn't mean to run off. I just—dunno. I pussied out, I guess. Freakin' barn equipment just... and I—" He cut off when he lifted his head. "The hell are you doin'?" He shot up and grabbed her hand.
"What?" She frowned.
"Your neck's real red." He led her inside. "Did you get bit by somethin'?"
"No." She scratched at her neck with her free hand, feeling bumps.
"Hey, Daryl." Annette paused and looked at the red spot spreading across her daughter's neck. "What is that?" She moved Carol's hand. "Oh, no, it's a rash."
"I was fine a few minutes ago." She dropped her hands.
"How do you feel?" Annette rummaged through the medicine cabinet. "Anxious at all?"
"A little." She avoided looking at Daryl. "Why does that matter?"
"When you were little, you'd get a nasty rash whenever you were very anxious. You got it from your father." She grabbed a tube of ointment. "You can imagine how he was when he proposed. I still don't know if that was the worse or best night of my life. Before you and Shawn, of course."
"I know. You've told us." She tried not to scratch at it.
Her mom smoothed cold ointment over the rash. "I thought you outgrew it, but I guess not." She looked into Carol's eyes. "Is this about those tests? If is it, I want you to slow down and drop one of those classes."
"No! I'm not dropping any class!" Carol protested. "I'm fine. It's—nothing. It's probably just a bug bite."
"Uh-huh."
"I'm fine." She removed her mom's hand. "I'll be fine. Here, I'll do this."
Annette pursed her lips. "All right, go on."
"Thank you." She took Daryl's hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom, closing the door. She added a little more to the growing rash and tossed the tube onto her bed. "You were saying?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." She sat on her bed. "Tell me what you were saying before."
"It's about the kiss." He swallowed hard.
Her hand twitched as her neck burned to be scratched. "What about it?"
"It... I don't..." He stopped. "It don't matter. It was an accident. I gotta go pick up some parts for T."
"You came all the way over here just to tell me it was an accident?" Carol narrowed her eyes. "You couldn't have told me before you ran away? Before you avoided me for almost two weeks? What the hell, Daryl?!" She didn't know how angry was about his behavior until now. She'd tried talking to him, but he'd just walk out the classroom door first. And at lunch, he would either leave or pretend like she didn't exist. It was hurt her so much more than she would ever admit.
He tensed up and dropped his head.
"No, look at me!" She shot up and stormed over to him. "Don't look down at the ground. Tell me why you were such an ass to me!"
Still he said nothing.
"You were my best friend," she whispered. "I told you everything, and I trusted you to always have my back, and then you just...avoid me. And for what? Why did you avoid me if it was just an accident?" She searched his eyes. "If you don't tell me now then don't ever come back to this house, don't ever talk to me and don't expect me to ever forgive you." She was hoping he would just tell her if she threatened to end their friendship entirely. She didn't want to lose him, but if he was going to avoid her then she wasn't going to trail after him like a lost puppy, trying to figure out what she did wrong.
He just looked at her.
"If you're embarrassed about it, just tell me. There's no need to be embarrassed." She crossed her arms to keep from digging them into her skin. "You can tell me anything, Daryl."
His cheeks began to redden. "...wasn't an..."
"What?" She stepped closer. "Wasn't what?"
"It wasn't an accident."
"It wasn't an accident?" She nodded to herself then heard the words and blinked. "Wait, what? You—you meant to kiss me?"
"Not like that...but yeah."
"Why would you want to kiss me?" She was confused. Maggie was the girl everyone wanted to date. She was pretty and fun and easy to talk to. She was the one who got all of the attention from guys. Carol was just the one who had to ignore the guys that couldn't get Maggie's number directly and came to her for it. So...what the hell was happening?
"I...like you," he mumbled, his cheeks ridiculously red, and he felt so ridiculous for not being able to just tell her.
"I like you too." Her heart was racing. "I love you. I told you that." Why was the room spinning? And why is it so hot? God, her cheeks were on fire. They were probably redder than her hair. She placed her palms on her cheeks, hoping to cool her face.
"Goddamn it." Daryl shook his head, grabbed her wrists and jerked her forward.
There was a moment before he kissed her when her eyes locked with his in confusion and fear and anticipation, and she swallowed hard just before his mouth met hers. It was a soft kiss, very hesitant and...nice. It was strange to be kissing Daryl and find it...nice. She'd always waited for the day when Daryl stopped being around, and she was terrified that day had come when he avoided her, but to find out he was avoiding her only because he had feelings for her made her feel even more terrified. She'd never had a boyfriend, just a few guys she thought were cute, but she knew she never stood a chance. She always knew that, but now... What the hell?
"A-hem!"
They broke apart at the sound of Annette harshly clearing her throat, Carol stammered to try and explain what they were doing, and Daryl tried to excuse himself, but Annette closed the door and pointed to Carol's bed with her free hand.
Carol knotted her fingers together nervously as her Mom set a mug down on her dresser before returning to stand over them. "It's—"
"Don't." She crossed her arms. "I want to talk to Daryl."
"Do you want me to wait in the hall?"
"You'll hear me either way." She looked at Daryl. "I may not know everything that happens in my daughter's life, but I do know that you have been absent these past two weeks, and Carol's been upset because of it."
Carol blushed, embarrassed. "Not upset," she mumbled.
"Would you tell me why?"
"Mom—"
"I'm talking to Daryl."
"Mrs. Greene, I didn't mean to hurt Carol. I was—an ass, yeah, but it wasn't intentional."
"No cussing in the house."
"Sorry. I just—Can I talk to Carol first?"
"If it's anything like the "talking" I just walked in on, no."
"Mom, please." Carol stood up. "I love you and respect you, but please give us a second. Please?"
Annette looked over her daughter's face and let out a sigh. "Ten minutes, and I'll eavesdrop if I want." She exited the room and pulled the door shut behind her.
"I'm sorry about that." She turned to Daryl. "I have to talk to her, but before I do, I have to know what about."
"What'd you mean?"
"What are we? I don't want to jump to any conclusions, because they scare me. This scares me. You're my best friend, and it's different than my friendships with Lori and Andrea. If this does badly and I lose you—" She dropped off. "But if I don't take this chance, I'll regret it, because...that stupid part of me that loves the corny idea of two friends falling in love and all that crap has secretly hoped you felt the same about me—"
"Carol?"
"Yes?" She looked at him.
"Stop talking." He leaned down to kiss her when Annette cleared her throat on the other side of the door.
"I have to talk to her, and I have an essay to finish, so...I will see you at school?"
He nodded. "Yeah." He gave her a small kiss before opening the door and leaving.
Annette leaned in the doorway, and Carol opened her mouth, but she pointed to the mug. "Drink that for your rash and take a nap until dinner."
"Don't you want to talk?"
"Nope. Drink up." She pulled the door shut behind her.
– – –
Carol had dropped Sophia off at Daryl's at twelve, he wasn't awake, so Carol left Sophia to draw in the coloring book Axel had given her, and she went to Daryl's room. He was sleeping hard, so she figured he was still taking medication. She didn't want to wake him up, but she wanted to clean this house from basement to bedroom before she painted, and she couldn't waste time.
"Daryl?" She stepped lightly, not wanting to startle him, and she lowered herself down beside his bed. "Daryl?"
He didn't respond.
"Daryl, wake up." She reached out to shake him, but out of habit, her fingers went to his messy hair. He had thick, soft hair, and he rarely brushed it. She used to comb it out when she was bored and he was passed out. He woke up whenever she hit a knot, and he'd ask her what the hell was she doing. Every time.
Daryl woke instant to someone touching him, but his eyes were heavy, so he didn't open them. He could smell the body wash Carol used as her fingers ran through his hair then her fingertips brushed across his cheek down to his chin.
"Wake up," she said softly.
He rolled onto his back, her hand jerked back, and he opened his eyes. "What?"
"Sophia's downstairs, and I have to go." She was in the doorway. "Get up, sleepyhead. It's noon."
He sat up. "Gimme a couple minutes." He ran his hand down his face.
"I'll make a pot of coffee then." She left and went to the kitchen. "He'll be down in a minute." She poured out the old coffee.
"Mommy, are we still going to see Amy tomorrow?"
"It depends on how she's feeling," Carol replied.
"Can I help you paint?"
"Maybe."
Sophia groaned.
"What?" She looked over her shoulder. "I'm not saying no."
"Maybe means no," Sophia grumbled. "You always say maybe, and we never do it."
Because Ed would find out and beat the shit out of her. She wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him, and if she tried, he made sure she couldn't. She'd canceled so many things because of that asshole. Sophia missed out on so many things.
Daryl paused on the last step, sensing tension.
"Hi, Daryl." Sophia smiled a little.
"Hey." He walked into the kitchen and noticed the bag. "What's this?"
"Oh, I bought you lunch." She turned. "It's a pulled pork sandwich with a bag of salt and vinegar chips."
"You didn't have to."
"I wanted to."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." She turned to Sophia. "I'll be back soon, okay?"
"Okay."
She gave her a kiss and a hug. "Behave, both of you." Daryl rolled his eyes as he ate, and Sophia rolled her eyes too. "I'll see you two later. No swearing, Daryl."
"Bye, Mommy."
"Bye." She closed the door and wondered how long until it would take before they completely destroyed the house. At least cleaning it wouldn't be too hard.
––
Carol came back and the house was still in one piece. She had Daryl help move furniture while Sophia tried to open the windows. They had to work together to clean the living room, and it wasn't as hard as Carol thought. She was going to have to borrow some serious equipment to clean the floor, but other than that, it was practically done. She would paint it tomorrow with Daryl's help.
– – –
The next day, Carol went to buy paint and brushes and the like while Daryl picked up Sophia from preschool and watched her for a while. When she pulled up in his driveway, she looked over what needed to be carried in then decided to go get Daryl and ask him for help. This would take some time if she didn't. She slipped out of the car and opened the front door with the key Daryl gave her. She was pulled inside by Daryl.
"What?" She met his eyes.
"Help me." He was so serious.
"I'm gonna destroy my damn DVD player."
"Why?" She glanced over and laughed. Sophia was glued to the TV as Elsa began to build her castle of ice, singing the popular Let It Go. No wonder Daryl was losing his mind. He hated animated movies and singing. She probably made him watch it over and over. Carol had learned to block it out, but Daryl? Poor, poor Daryl.
"Unload the trunk, and I'll take Sophia home. I'll bring coffee on my way back. Deal?" He dashed out the door before she finished, and she chuckled. "Sophia?"
"Yeah?" Sophia didn't look up.
Carol turned the TV off. "It's past your bedtime."
"No, it's not!" Sophia stood up and faced her. "Is it?"
"Yeah, it is. C'mon, let's get you home."
"Aren't you coming?"
"No. I have to come back and start painting, but I'll be home when you wake up. We'll go on a picnic with Uncle Shawn and Aunt Maggie and Beth. I promise."
"Okay." She grabbed the knapsack while Carol put Frozen back in its case then into the knapsack. "Daryl?"
He set the paint cans down. "Yeah?"
She held her arms out, wanting a hug goodbye, and Carol was about to tell her Daryl didn't hug, but Daryl hugged her. It surprised Carol and made her smile. "Bye."
"Bye, kid."
Sophia smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry that I made you watch Frozen over and over."
"Me too."
She laughed. "Will you come tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?"
"To the picnic."
"Oh, Sophia, that's just a family thing," Carol informed her. "Sorry, sweetie. He can come next time."
"Okay." She smiled at him. "Will you come?"
"Sure." He shrugged. "Why not?"
"Let's go, honey." Carol led her out of the house and to her car, helping her inside and setting the knapsack on the floor. Carol got in the car and put her seat belt on. "So, did you have fun?"
"Yeah. Daryl's really cool." You could hear the smile in her voice. "He taught me how to make wooden spoons and stuff. Well, he showed me. He said when I'm older, he'll teach me about cars."
"That sounds like Daryl."
"How come I only just met Daryl?" Sophia finally asked. "And my aunts, uncle and grandparents? You always said you they were gone."
"I know I did." Carol glanced back at her. "There are things you don't understand, Sophia, and the reason I told you that is one of those things. I'll explain it when you're older. You'll understand it better."
"Oookaaay," Sophia sighed.
Carol dropped her off, seeing Beth and Maggie on the porch who greeted her, and Carol was glad to have her family. All the time she wanted to come back, all the nights she cried because of what she did to them and how she could never make up for lost time was worth it now. Sophia had a family, father figures, a home, and Carol doubted that if she came back at any other time, this would've gone so well. She was glad she spoke to her mom. She felt a lot better about—everything, really.
She returned to Daryl's, finding a note telling her he went out with Merle and would be back soon taped to a paint can. She ripped it off and picked up the paint can. If Merle took him out, Daryl wasn't going to be any help when he got back. Merle was the only man who could make Daryl drink until he passed out.
She turned on the overhead light to see the entire living room, every little shadowy corner, and she was thankful this room wasn't too big. And that Daryl had a ladder. She could handle painting one room by herself. Besides the other rooms needed cleaning first.
––
The front door opened later—much later—that night, Carol figured he needed a break anyway. He'd been cooped up in here for nearly two days and the hospital too, so he and Merle probably went out celebrate his good health or something. As long as he didn't fall back on old habits, she was fine with it.
She smiled at him and said, "I finished one wall, but I'm gonna need help. I hope you're up for it." She bent down and dipped the brush inside the paint can. She reached up to outline the stairs when Daryl slammed into her, knocking her against the door to the kitchen, causing her to drop the paintbrush.
"Daryl?"
His hands slid down her sides, and she was confused, trying to ask him what the hell he was doing, and his hand slipped into her pants and panties, effectively breaking the button on her favorite pair of jeans. She wanted to yell at him to stop, wanted to struggle out of his grasp, but her voice didn't reach her throat and her body didn't put up a fight, no matter how much her mind wanted it too. She closed her eyes, lips parting as he gently stroked her, and she started panting, gripping the wall as the blood in her body began to boil, trying to absorb the sensation that could only be described as chaotic that he was unleashing on her body.
Everybody sees it's you
I'm the one that lost the view
She leaned against him, her head rested on his shoulder, his lips caught a few curls as he planted kisses along her jaw. She moaned through her teeth, smelling the alcohol on his breath. She hadn't been with a man in a long time, but this was wrong. He was drunk, and he wouldn't remembered anyway. And if he did, this would only hurt him more. She couldn't do this, no matter what her body told her. She needed to stop this. Now. She didn't take his offer to screw with him. She took it to try and make up for what she did to him.
Everybody says we're through
I hope you haven't said it too
"Daryl, stop." She was unconvincing, so she swallowed and tried again. "Daryl, no. We can't do this."
"Stop?" He turned and pushed her rather roughly against the door to the kitchen, Carol wondered just how drunk he was, because the way he was looking at her wasn't loving. He looked angry, but a little further South, he looked very up for...things. She was worried he wouldn't stop, but terrified she wouldn't want him to. She was just as willing as he was, but she was sober.
He pulled her closer, the look in his eyes was burning through her, and he stopped just before he kissed her, his mouth inches away from hers. She wanted him to kiss her badly. She didn't want to stop or listen to reason. She wanted him to kiss her hard and not stop until the hunger in both of them was sated. She wanted to reach for him, but he wouldn't let her. He kept her at a distance, tasting her minty breath, and only when she thought he was going to let her go, did he crush his mouth to hers.
So where do we go from here
With all this fear in our eyes?
It was different than before. He was kissing her roughly, almost attacking her with his lips and tongue, but he still was gentle about it, like he was fighting with himself. His hands slid down into her jeans again and grasped her ass, and he broke the kiss, looking into her eyes. He kept watching her, and she was really confused, but part of her was loving it. She would hate that part later when Daryl wasn't looking at her like she was the only thing that existed ever.
And where can love take us now?
We've been so far down, we can still touch the sky
He leaned down and kissed her neck, tasting the soap on her skin, effectively driving her insane. She wanted to touch him, but he pinned her hands down again. She was stuck, feeling his soft lips moving further and further down her neck toward her collarbone, nibbling and sucking occasionally, causing her to moan and squirm to get her arms free. He wasn't going to let go.
"Daryl," she breathlessly moaned. "Daryl, please..."
If we crawl 'til we can walk again
Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump
He kissed her, pushing his tongue into her mouth and probably breaking the zipper to her pants as he yanked it down, pushing her jeans and panties down until they slipped down her thighs on their own. She was too lost in the kiss to even care, but he pulled away again. "Kick 'em away," he said, his forehead against her forehead, his hair over his eyes.
She stepped out of her pants and kicked them to the side. "Daryl, are you sure? Maybe we should—"
He cupped her cheeks and kissed her, and his hands drifted down, gathering the hem of her shirt and tugging it off. He let her push off his leather jacket then he removed his shirts. He bent down and picked her up, she locked her thighs around his hips, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his kiss, completely his in that moment.
Then we'll fly until there is no wind
So let's crawl, crawl, crawl
He set her down on the island, knocking over whatever shit was on it, breaking the kiss to remove his jeans and boxers. She was surprised when he climbed on top of her, grasping her hips and pulling her to him. His eyes were so smoldering, and she gasped when he thrust inside of her without any warning. She gripped the edge of the island as he ease out then thrust back in, repeating it over and over. He was rough, and she wasn't used to that from him, but she adjusted and matched him, her insides quivering when his airy moan brushed her ear.
Carol came convulsing around him, loudly calling his name as if no time had passed, as if she wasn't married to another man, as if she were that eighteen year old girl again, and Daryl followed soon after, pouring himself into her. They both felt a connection that never really went away, and in that moment, they had returned to who they were four years ago—in love and so important to each other—because maybe...just maybe...they still were.
Back to love
– – –
Carol took a really long shower, not wanting to talk about what just happened, and when she finally was able to go and find him, he was passed out on the couch. She almost laughed, but she wasn't sure if it was because she found it funny or because she was relieved. She rolled him over with much difficult then tossed the blanket over him and decided to keep on painting. It wasn't as if he was going to wake up anytime soon.
––
Carol hurried downstairs, Beth and Maggie followed, but Otis, Shawn and Patricia blocked the stairs. None of them could jump the banister without breaking something, so they could only watch and listen to what Hershel and Annette were saying to Daryl and his responses to them. Carol felt sick, so she sat down, Beth sat beside her, taking her hand and smiling encouragingly at her.
"Are you even listening to me?" Hershel demanded when Daryl didn't said anything. "Daryl!"
He jolted. "Co—could I talk to Carol?"
"No."
"Hershel." Annette was scolding him like a child. "Daryl, I have to know something before this conversation continues."
"Yeah?"
"Do you have any intentions of raising this child?"
He swallowed. "I needa talk to Carol. It's our problem."
"The hell it is!" Hershel exclaimed, face red.
"Okay, let me through." Carol stood up. "Shawn, move."
"No."
She tickled his side, he squirmed away giggling and she walked into the living room. "Mom, Dad, could you give us a minute?"
"The last minute you had, he got you pregnant, so no."
Carol blushed. "Daddy!"
"No, you don't get to "Daddy" me and get out of this." He wore disappointment well, but it was usually Shawn who was at the receiving end. "I thought we raised you better than this."
"You did," she argued. "You both raised me well."
"And yet you're eighteen and pregnant."
"We were safe the first time!" Carol retorted then closed her eyes and mentally kicked herself. They didn't need to know that. They didn't need to know anything more than the fact that she was pregnant. Why did she have the ability to speak? Why?
"The first time?" Annette crossed her arms.
"Who's hungry?" Shawn asked them, and they all cleared out.
"I just meant I know what you taught me, and we were safe. I honestly don't know how this happened." She sighed. "You can yell at me, but leave Daryl out of this. He's not your kid—I am."
"He may not be our son," Hershel informed her, "but he is staying with us. He broke house rules."
"Several times, it appears," Annette added.
Carol sat beside him. "Defend yourself." She rested her face in her hands and waited for the unprotected sex talk to happen.
"Can I talk?" Daryl asked Hershel.
"No."
"Hershel." Annette nodded at Daryl. "Go on."
"I know Carol and me broke...house rules, but we ain't just foolin' 'round." Carol lowered her hands as he spoke. "I love her, and I ain't gonna abandon her or our baby. I'm gonna be here. You have my word." He was looking at Carol.
Annette smiled and looked at her husband, but Hershel was frowning. She decided to speak before him. "We appreciate that, sweetie, but we can't have a family here. We already have one here. I'm not kicking you out or anything, but this—"
"I'll buy a house then. I'll take care of them."
"You will?" Hershel and Carol asked at the same time.
"'Course I will." He turned toward her. "I was freakin' out at the dock, but I know what I want."
"And that's the baby?" She sounded so disbelieving.
"And you." He nodded. "I wanna be there." He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers.
Annette nudged Hershel, but he didn't move, she took his hand in both of hers and led him out of the room. She and Hershel went to tell the others what happened.
Carol released his hand and hugged him, climbing onto his lap and squeezing him with both her legs and arms. He probably couldn't breathe, but she didn't want to let him go just yet. She'd never loved him more than she did right then.
"Carol, stop."
She laughed and released him. "Sorry." She cupped his cheeks and kissed him. "I love you, Daryl Dixon."
He smirked. "Good. I'd hate to propose to somebody who don't love me."
"Propose?" She gaped. "Pro—What?" She was dumbstruck.
"I don't gotta ring, and if I'm buyin' a house, I ain't gonna be able to afford one any time soon, so till then this'll be your ring." He slipped his thumb under her shirt to her hip where her tattoo was.
She smiled. "Shh, Daddy doesn't know. I think he's had enough news today."
He kissed her, slipping his fingers into her hair, and there was a mixture of "awww" and gagging noises behind them. Carol turned and saw her entire family behind them, and as embarrassed as she was, she laughed.
"Tell 'em," he whispered.
"Brace yourself." She sat on the couch. "We're getting married."
– – –
In the morning, Carol made coffee and had the remedy for his hangover ready. She knew he was up when the groaning started. She'd been wearing a stupid smile most of the morning, even Jacqui called her out on it, but she just lied. She was getting good at that. Or Jacqui was humoring her. Knowing Jacqui, she was humoring her. Great. The whole town would know something was off with them.
"Son of a bitch," Daryl groaned, pissed at himself for drinking so heavily. Only Merle could make him do that.
"Good morning," she said softly when he stumbled into the kitchen. "Here." She slid the glass of water and pills over to him. "I'll make you a cup of coffee."
"You stayed the night?" He took the pills and eyed her, obviously having no idea what happened on the island he was leaning against the previous day.
"No. I went home pretty late though." She shrugged, filling another cup with coffee and holding it out to him.
"Carol." He gently touched a bruise on her arm. It was from his grip last night, but it didn't hurt. "The hell happened?"
"It's not as bad as it looks. I honestly don't feel it."
"You sure?"
"Yes." She rolled her eyes at him.
"Fine." He drank the coffee. "What happened?"
"Last night?" She crossed her legs as she sat down, taking her cup in her hands as he nodded. "Nothing. You just barged in, got a little clumsy and then passed out on the couch. Face-first, I might add. I had a hard time turning you. You're more solid than you look."
"Clumsy?" He didn't remember.
"You broke—some cups. You fell against the island and broke a few cups."
"Aag, I don't even remember that. Anything else?"
"When you fell, I dropped the brush on the floor, because I was scared you were going to fall and bust your head on the...fridge, and I didn't want anything to happen to you, so there's a blue blob on the floor. I can scrape it up."
"Nah, that's fine."
"You sure? It won't look good to buyers."
"Well, I got three words for 'em."
"Oh? Just three?" she teased.
"Kiss my ass."
She shook her head and laughed. "Take a shower. You smell like a bar."
He took the cup of coffee upstairs with him, Carol ran her thumbs over the rim of the cup, and as the shower came on, the front door closed. She got into her car and drove off. She would finish painting later. She needed space from Daryl right now. She felt so awkward around him, but she was glad she didn't seem to show it. As if their relationship wasn't complicated enough.
Beth had rounded up Shawn and Maggie when Carol pulled in, Sophia was on the porch with Dee Dee and a basket. Carol was glad Beth had demanded her to come with them. She needed some family time, because in family time, they talked about everything, and that would take her mind off Daryl.
They walked to the picnic tables by the trees, Sophia was playing with one of the baby pigs while Shawn, Maggie, Beth and Carol swatted at bugs and drank sun-warmed water. It wasn't the most ideal picnic, but at least they were together and Beth seemed happy. She was smiling at Sophia and the baby pig, and Carol wondered why Sophia made Beth so happy. She probably wanted kids of her own now. She was too young for that, and she didn't even have a boyfriend, not one that Daddy approved of anyway.
"So, what's the plan?" Shawn asked. "I have movers coming to get my stuff at six on Friday, and I have to meet Sasha at the house at one, so when should I bring her over?"
"Seven," Beth replied. "I wanna make dinner for all of us. Do you mind helpin', Carol?"
"Sure, I'd love to." She rested her head in her hand.
"You don't want my help?" Maggie pushed her sunglasses up.
"I do need your help. We're gonna need the table from the basement."
"Great, I love bein' the muscle."
"You have the biceps for it," Shawn commented.
"Fine, as long as I don't gotta taste any food. I'll rather wait and pig out." She smiled.
"Classy. Glenn's a lucky guy."
She smacked him in the back of the head. "Go play."
He glared, but went to play with Sophia anyway.
"I have a lot to do before they come, so I need help." Beth lowered her voice. "Daddy and T and Jacqui have are throwin' them a weddin', here on Friday."
"What?" Maggie softly exclaimed. "Are they insane? Are you insane?"
"Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she needs to get married," Carol agreed.
"Y'all both know Shawn's gonna ask her eventually to marry him, so we decided to push 'em along. It's a surprise, so please don't tell," she pleaded with her big eyes. "Promise me."
"We promise," Carol and Maggie grumbled.
"Good, because it's gonna take all of us." She pulled a notepad out of the back pocket of her jeans. "Glenn's mama's makin' the cake, and he's bringing it with him, so we don't have to worry about that. Umm, Jacqui and I are decoratin' the house, but I'm gonna try to help you cook, Carol. I promise, but it'll be a while."
"That's fine."
"Okay. Ty and T-dog are going to bring tables and chairs. Oh! Otis and Patricia are comin' too!" Beth grinned.
"Is that such a surprise?" Carol looked between them. She hadn't seen them since they got there, but she assumed they were busy or something. Otis could've taken some time off. He often did that in the spring, but only for a couple weeks.
"Well, yeah." Maggie turned to her. "Otis and Daddy got into it a while back, and Otis left. They haven't been talkin', so this is good. They may get to talkin' and might make up. I miss having Otis and Patricia around here."
"What was the fight about?"
"Daddy wouldn't tell us." Maggie shrugged. "He said we didn't need to be involved."
"Oh."
"Anyway," Beth cleared her throat, "Jacqui's gonna bring one of Sasha's best dresses or buy a new one, and Daddy's has Shawn's tuxedo. I need you both to dress your best, please."
"'Cause I was gonna a tube top and thong to this," Maggie replied.
Carol laughed.
Beth glared. "That ain't funny. I'm serious!"
"I'll wear my best black dress."
"Can't you make it somethin' a little more...colorful? It's spring, after all."
"Fine, I wear blue."
"Great!" Beth smiled. "I'm wearin' yellow."
"Then I'll wear red." Carol closed her eyes. "It's an easy match to my hair."
"We'll need to start as soon as Shawn leaves. Shawn's gonna be unpackin' or helpin' Sasha pack, so we don't gotta worry 'bout them showin' up. I'll let Sophia decide on the music."
"That's fine, just don't tell her until Friday. She's a blabbermouth."
Beth nodded and crossed her legs. "Hey, Carol?"
"Yeah?" She opened her eyes.
"Sophia's birthday's comin' up in, like, a month or two, right?" Beth looked at her, and Carol nodded. "Could I plan it?"
"Why?"
"I just...like plannin' stuff." She averted her eyes and closed the notepad.
"Yeah, you can. I don't mind."
Beth's smile returned. "Thanks."
"I thought this was a picnic," Shawn complained. "I'm hungry. Somebody feed me food that Maggie didn't cook."
Maggie flipped him off when Sophia wasn't looking.
"No, thanks. I have a girlfriend."
Maggie turned to them. "Excuse me." She stood up and ran after Shawn, he didn't get away from her, and she tackled him into the mug.
"Cheater," he accused. "You had police training!"
"Sore loser." She laughed.
"You know what—" He sat up, knocking her into the mud, and he threw mud in her face. "I hear it does wonders for the skin."
"You are so dead!"
Sophia carried the baby pig over to Beth and her mom, looking back at Shawn and Maggie as they wrestled in the mud.
"I wish I had a camera." Carol laughed, picking Sophia up and setting her on the bench beside her. "Hungry?"
"Thirsty." She set the pig down gently in the grass and Carol handed her a bottle of water. "I wish I had a brother or a sister."
"Don't look at me." Carol spun the cap to the water bottle. "Look at them."
"In a few months, you'll have a cousin." Beth squinted at the sunlight.
"A baby cousin," Carol added. "When you two are older, you can teach him or her stuff."
"I guess." She set the bottle on the table. "I have Paige for now, and she's like my sister. Oh, Mommy, that reminds me. Me and Paige have the same eye color!"
"You do?"
"Yeah! The teacher told us so."
"Cool. I have my father's eyes," Carol told her. "And so do you."
"Will my cousin have Shawn's eyes?"
"I don't know."
"I hope it does," Beth admitted. "With her complexion and his eyes, that baby will be so adorable."
"Help!" Shawn called, trying to get free. "Assistance!"
"No!" Beth called back.
"Why not?" Carol hopped up and went to help after kicking off her sandals.
"Now, I wish I had camera." Beth giggled.
––
Daryl ran his hands through his hair against the towel to dry it, Merle was flipping through the channels on the TV, trying to find something decent to watch, and Daryl tipped back the beer he'd opened. It was the only one he was allowing himself to have.
"How'd you sleep?" Merle asked.
"Deep. I have idea what the hell happened when I got home. Broke some cups, apparently." He plopped down in the chair, tossing the towel onto the chair beside him.
"What's with that looks then?"
"It's nothin'." He shrugged.
"Don't be shy, Darylina."
Daryl glared. "Just...had a weird dream. Felt real."
"What'd you dream 'bout? Ethan?"
"Nah, Carol."
"Mousy? What 'bout her?"
He shrugged, not wanting to say.
Merle narrowed his eyes. "What?"
"Nothin', just...felt really real. I was out, though." He shook his head. In the dream, he could taste her breath and smell her hair. He could feel her warmth, practically taste her lips. It was the most vivid dream he'd ever had. It was strange. He wasn't as pissed at her as he was. After getting drunk, he wanted to go off on her. He wanted to actually hurt her, but it was just because he was drunk and pissed off. He would never hurt Carol. Seeing that bruise, though... That's were he held her down in his dream, so...was it real? Did he hurt her? Fucking hell, did he hurt her? He didn't mean to.
"That girl yours?" Merle asked.
"I don't know." He set his beer on the table. "She doesn't wanna do any tests, 'cause she thinks it'll only confuse Sophia."
"Tsk, bullshit."
"She really just don't want me to raise that girl." He knew that. "She's afraid I'll screw her up, probably. Tsk, as if "Ed" was a good father. Asshole ain't even with her."
"She probably left him like she left you."
He pursed his lips.
"You needa find out why, baby brother. That woman's a poison to you."
"No, she ain't." He chewed his bottom lip.
"Then find out why the hell she left "Ed", and if that fucker was abusive to that little girl, lemme know."
"You can't solve everything, Merle." He ran his hands down his face.
"I can try." He drank deeply from his bottle, belched and looked around the room. "This room looks different."
"Carol painted it."
"Oh, Carol." He rolled his eyes.
"Don't start."
"You're lettin' her run all over you again. What, she's gonna fix this place up then leave? What happens after she's done, Daryl? Huh? You think of that?"
"Yeah, I have."
"And? You think you're gonna...what? Win her over? Make her love you again? She don't love you. She proved that by leavin' your ass and having a kid that might not be yours!"
"She might be!" Daryl snapped.
"Then why won't Carol let you do a paternity test, huh? She knows that kid ain't yours, and she's only jerkin' you around 'cause she can. She's already scraped you off like dogshit once. I'm just lookin' out for you."
"Since when?" He scoffed.
"All your goddamn life!" Merle spat. "Somebody had to look after your worthless ass, and that was me, not Carol!"
"You still left!" He shot up.
"So did she!" He glowered at Daryl. "Damn bitch has your head fogged up, brother. Open your eyes and realize this woman don't give two shits 'bout you! She's gonna leave again too, and when she does, don't come cryin' to me."
"She ain't gonna leave again."
"How the hell do you know? You don't even know why she left! You don't know her agenda!"
"And you do?" Daryl erupted. "Ever since I started dating Carol in high school, you've done nothin' but degrade her and tried to get me to leave her. I ain't in high school no more, Merle, and I ain't with Carol either. She's only fixin' this goddamn house so I can sell it! So shut the hell up!"
Merle scoffed. "Whatever." He walked over to the door. "If you ain't gonna listen to me, at least watch your back around her."
"Tsk, yeah, sure." He sat down and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to stop the thoughts in his head. He knew he still loved Carol, but she didn't love him, because she went and fell in love with someone else. He had every reason to not love Carol, to hate Carol, but there was no possible way he could. She was the only person who ever looked at him and saw somebody, not a worthless bastard. He couldn't forget that, and he never wanted to. He was fool, but Merle was bigger fool if he thought Carol was just going to run off. If Carol knew Sophia wasn't his, she wouldn't have come to him... Right?
––
After preschool on Wednesday, Amy took the girls to the park while Carol earned a few bucks at the Greene Leaf and avoided Daryl. She hid behind the counter when he came in and made Jacqui take his order. She just couldn't look at him. She was so embarrassed at what she did and scared about what it meant, and he didn't even remembered it. That made it worse.
"He's gone."
"Really?" She stood up and came face-to-face with Daryl. She blushed. "Hi."
"He?" Daryl handed Jacqui a five.
"That old geezer," Jacqui lied. "He's real creepy."
"What she said." Carol crossed her arms.
"You comin'?"
"What?" Her face burned.
"To work on the house. Are you comin'?" He took his change while Jacqui looked at Carol through the corner of her eye.
"N—no, not today." She couldn't look at his face for long. "Amy has Sophia, and we decided to have dinner. I can't pay, but I can cook."
He nodded. "Tomorrow then?"
"Uh-huh. Definitely."
"I'll be home to help."
She nodded, still not able to look at him. "Great."
Jacqui helped the man behind Daryl so they could talk more.
"You need money?" Daryl asked, wondering why she was so red in the face and why she was studying the tiles.
"For a phone." She glanced at him. "I don't have one, and I can't keep taking money from my dad, so I'm going to work for it."
"Coulda asked me. I told you I'd pay you."
"I know, but you already have to pay for the paint and furniture and cleaning supplies. I feel weird asking you for money."
He pulled a bill out of his wallet and stuffed it into her tip cup then left.
She pulled it out and almost smiled. It was a hundred. It was a sweet gesture, but she was going to put it in his sock drawer tomorrow. She couldn't take his money. She already felt weird around him because of what happened last night. She didn't need to feel bad about taking his money.
When she got off, she went to Amy's to prepare dinner, and she was...disturbed to see where Amy lived. It was in the worst part of town, and her apartment building looked like the one they always how on they news when somebody gets shacked in an alley. She actually locked the doors to her car and hoped no one stripped it down for parts while she was here.
She went inside and found Amy's apartment as quickly as she could. She knocked and Amy answered, smiling and letting her inside. The inside was nice, cozy, and she had lot of pictures of her and Paige on the walls, but it was probably to make up for the lack of pictures of the other part of her family.
"The girls are playing in Paige's room." She led Carol into the small kitchen. "So, what's for dinner? I'm starving."
"I'm made boiled potatoes, chicken tenders and macaroni and cheese. It's all homemade, nothing from a can or a box."
"Impressive."
"Yeah, Jacqui helped with the chicken since I can't work the fryer at the cafè, but I made everything else." She set the bag on the table, and Amy pulled down plates and cups. "I love your apartment. It's nice."
"It'll do for now. I'm saving up to buy a house. It's taking longer than I expected." She set the plates on the table. "And you? How's it coming with Daryl's house?"
"Slow. We've had...some setbacks, but I'm going to start really working tomorrow. I have to finish painting then call my friend Karen's sister to come and see if she can make some stained glass. I think it would brighten the kitchen. God knows that house needs brightened."
Amy gathered forks and glanced at her. "I—I'm sorry...about Ethan. I can't imagine... You didn't deserve that. Nobody does."
Carol didn't say anything.
"If I could, I would've gone to his funeral, but..." She paused. "I sent flowers. Did you ever get them?"
Carol remembered throwing a fit after she destroyed the nursery. She threw vases of flower into the wall, screaming at Daryl and her mom. She destroyed so many things, and she could never rebuild them. She could and would try, but she knew they would always be waiting foe the day she didn't come home, the day her room once again gathered dust.
"It's been quite some time. I don't expect you to remember a vase of orchids."
"I remember them. They were lovely."
"So, how's your family?" She tucked hair behind her ear.
"They're well. Shawn and Sasha are expecting a baby."
"That's great." She smiled. "Shawn will be a great father, and Sasha's very... well, strict. She'll definitely be the disciplinary of the two."
"True. Shawn can't be strict to save his life."
Amy grabbed a few cans of pop from the fridge. "Paige, Sophia, dinner!"
They sat down to eat, Paige and Sophia were talking about something they learned in school, and Amy was interested, but Carol's mind began to wander. She was thinking of all the things that happened after Ethan. She was awful to everyone, especially her mother and Daryl.
– – –
Water dripped down into the puddle of limp flowers and shatter glass, Annette and Daryl moved their eyes from the mess of the broken glass to Carol, who was panting and wracking her hands through her hair. She'd been doing all right, talking softly with Beth and Maggie, but the minute Daryl came home, she lost it. It was always the same thing, but tonight was the first night she'd actually broken anything since she destroyed the nursery.
"Just leave me alone!" Carol screamed.
"No, we are not going to just leave you alone!" Annette shouted back. "Carol, you need to calm down right now!"
"Calm down? Calm—calm down?" She let out a laugh. "Yes, let me calm down and talk rationally about the worst fucking of my god damned life! Let us do that!"
"Your life is not damned."
"Just—leave—me—alone! I don't want to deal with this talking and your bullshit lies! It doesn't get better! Time doesn't heal shit! Stop lying!"
"Carol—" Daryl stepped toward her.
"Don't you dare talk to me," Carol growled.
"And why the hell shouldn't he talk to his wife?" Annette snapped. "I know you're in pain, pretty girl, but you can't keep acting like this. You need to talk to someone—to me, even."
"Oh, God, I am so sorry that my pain isn't going away. Let me just take some Prozac and call it a day!"
"Have you been mixing your pills?" Annette narrowed her eyes, and Carol was silent. "Carol Susanne Greene, have you been mixing your pills?"
Carol weakly shrugged her shoulders as tears filled her eyes. "Why wasn't it me?" Her voice broke. "It should've—should've been me."
"No." Annette pulled Carol into her arms as she sobbed. "No, pretty girl."
"It should've been me." She gasped in a breath.
Daryl watched as Carol cried in her mother's arms, his eyes dropped, and he felt...alone. It was different than anything else he'd ever felt. Most of his life, he had Carol, but now he didn't even have her. She was lost to him, drowning in a darkness that excluded him, and no matter how he swam, he didn't have the strength to pull her out. He never did.
Annette put Carol to bed and found Daryl downstairs, leaning against the island, and she walked over to him. "She's asleep."
He nodded, unable to lift his eyes from the tiles.
"I'm sorry she said those things. You didn't deserve them. Once she's better, I'm certain she'll tell you the same."
"If, you mean."
She shook her head. "I'll call to her doctor and try to get her off those pills. They aren't doing anything, and I worry they're only making her worse. I have no doubt they're why she's lashing out."
"I appreciate you tryin' to make me feel better, but don't. I ain't worth it, and you needa get home. It's late." He pushed off the island. "Or stay, if you want. I gotta check on some stuff. Be best if she didn't wake up to an empty house."
She called to him as he opened the front door. "Don't." She heard the door close as he left, and she sighed, closing her eyes. That young man was going through so much, and he wouldn't even talk about it. Carol was talking about it—yelling about it, crying about it—but she wasn't going through any of it. She was just lingering, and Annette knew it would take time, but Carol was...refusing to believe any good could come of this, refusing to accept Daryl's love and refusing to cope. Ethan was gone, but he was in Heaven with his grandfather, watching over them. It broke her heart to think of her husband and grandchild watching Carol and Daryl drift down a path that may not allow them to return.
––
Daryl came home just before dawn, Annette had left a note telling him that she was getting food for breakfast—Carol hadn't eaten a thing since they lost Ethan, just broths Beth or Maggie managed to get into her—and would be back soon. He let the note be and went upstairs, going into the guest bedroom, and he heard a shattering sound.
"Carol?" He dropped his coat on the bed and stuck his head out. He saw light spilling through the bathroom door that was ajar. Shattering! The mirror! "Carol!" He ran down the hall and pushed the door open, finding her on the floor, the mirror shattered into the sink and floor. "Carol?"
Heeding the glass, he bent down beside her. "Carol?"
She inhaled shakily and met his eyes. "It should've been me."
He looked her over, trying to see blood, but there wasn't any. "Carol, what—?"
She lifted her hand from her side, a piece of glass held so tightly in her palm she was bleeding, but other than that, there were no slits. She hadn't gone through with it. "Why wasn't it me?"
He pulled the glass gently from her hand then took her into his arms, surprised that she let him. Her arms wrapped around him tightly, and he gripped her, not wanting to ever let her go. He could feel her shaking in his arms, but she wasn't crying. He wondered if she was out of tears. All she did anymore was cry, so it wouldn't surprise him.
Carol nuzzled her face into his shoulder, gripping the collar of his shirt with her bloody hand. "You are my sunshine... my only sunshine. You make me happy when...skies are gray. You never know dear how much I love you, please...don't take my sunshine away..."
"Carol?" He felt her go limp, and he pulled back to find her unconscious in his arms. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, finding it in disarray, but he noticed the empty bottles of pills on the bed with only a few pills scattered on the bedspread. "Oh, shit." He grabbed the phone off the nightstand and called 911, sticking his fingers down Carol's throat...
––
In the emergency room, Daryl sat with his head in his hands, Beth and Maggie talking softly to Hershel across the room, and then came yelling. It was Annette going off on Carol's doctor, the one who had given her all of those damn prescriptions: alevia, superprax, draxophyl... She was right to go off, the man had no idea what the hell he was doing, and Carol nearly died because of it.
"Mom." Maggie put her arm around her shoulders and led her away. "Calm down."
She sighed and took a seat. "Why is this happening?" She gripped Maggie's hand tightly. "My baby girl..."
Shawn glanced up momentarily then ran his hands through his hair and moved beside Annette, taking her other hand in both of his. It made him ache to see the woman in his life suffer so. There was nothing he could do. He couldn't help his mom, because he couldn't help Carol. His once happy and determined kid sister was lost, and there was not a damn thing he could do. He'd always been able to do something, but not this time, not when it really counted.
"Why didn't you stop her?" Beth stood in front of Daryl.
"Beth, don't." Maggie grabbed her wrist, but Beth yanked back so hard, Maggie's hand hit her in the face.
"Why didn't you stop her?!" Beth demanded. "Where were you?!"
Daryl said nothing.
"What, you can't talk now? How convenient! My sister almost dies, and you were doing what? What the hell is more important than Carol?!" She was shouting. "Where?!"
"Beth, calm down!" Shawn hissed. "You've no right."
"I have no right?" Beth scoffed. "He doesn't. Why is he even here? I mean, really? It's all his fault. He doesn't try hard enough. He just lets Ma and Daddy and us help Carol."
"That is enough, Beth!" Hershel told her.
"No! I ain't gonna pity him! Why should I? He brought it on himself. I heard him talkin' to Mason." Beth watched him stand up. "Don't walk away! You can't pretend to care when you wished this to happen! This is all your fault!"
Annette stood up and slapped Beth hard across the face, Shawn and Maggie and Hershel were all stunned to see Annette do that when it took everything she had to yell and scold them, and Beth stared, holding a hand to her pulsing cheek. "Don't you dare talk to him like that," Annette snapped. "We have lost too much, and I am not about to lose my son. Apologize, Beth. Now."
"You didn't—"
"That's not an apology I'm hearing."
She clenched her teeth. "I'm sorry, Daryl."
"When you actually mean those words," Annette told her, "I'll consider shortening how long you'll be grounded. Now sit down and don't you dare accuse anyone else."
Beth plopped down in the chair nearest to her, folding her arms across her chest, and Hershel sat down beside her, talking softly to her about her words. She held tears back as Hershel talked to her, trying to be angry, trying to hate, but it wasn't working. She was upset and scared. She didn't want to lose anyone else.
Shawn set a hand on his mom's shoulder and went after Daryl who was out the front doors for some air, and he found Daryl in the shadows. He heard Daryl grunt as he slammed his fist into the hard brick of the building, and Shawn called to him.
"Son of a bitch!" He was raging.
"Daryl, don't!" He grabbed his arm. "Stop it!"
"That damned asshole!" He jerked his arm free, blood on his knuckles. "That fucking bastard did this! Goddamn it!"
"What? Who?"
"Mason," Daryl growled.
"What did Mason do?"
"After y'all ran into him at that diner, I found him. He told me that kid was a mistake, and he'd hoped it aborted itself before it was born." Daryl clenched his jaw. "Beth's right; it's all my fault."
"No, it's not."
"If I hasn't—"
"Mason would still have hoped that," Shawn reasoned. "He's an asshole, and whatever he said were words of a bastard. It wasn't your fault Ethan died. It wasn't Carol's or any doctors'. Look, Mom told me every woman in our family has lost their first child."
"What?" Daryl met his eyes.
"Yeah. After Carol lost Ethan, Mom was talking about how she lost her twins and how my grandmother lost her daughter. It's just something that happens in our family." He crossed his arms. He felt so sick, because it wouldn't happen to him. He was a man, and his firstborn would probably be fine. What he wouldn't give to have protected Carol from this. What he wouldn't give to have changed what happened.
"Does Carol know that?"
"No. Mom wanted to tell her, but I made her promise not to. Carol's fragile right now, and this won't help."
"It might help. She can stop blamin' herself."
"I mean no disrespect, but I know my sister better than you, and it won't help her right now. She probably won't believe it. She's been writing everything we say off as lies to make herself feel... Shit, I don't even know, so please don't tell her. Let her talk to the therapist here, and try to get better."
"You're wrong." Shawn frowned. "None of you know that Carol."