2/25/15

Every time they passed the Chantry in Amaranthine, Nathaniel stopped by the statue briefly. He did it again today, very aware of Marian Hawke's eyes on him. Since the beginning, he had been aware of her eyes, and tried not to be fully disconcerted by the assessment he was under constantly; it was no surprise she had noticed how he looked at the statue of Andraste in the courtyard.

To be honest, Marian was a mystery to the young Howe. She held herself as a noble almost naturally, but claimed to have no bloodline. On top of that, she had a great care for all the Wardens under her command. He had noticed it from the minute he came to after the Joining, her hand on his shoulder in welcome as he woke. At first Nathaniel had put it down as an aberration since Anders was there as well, and the two bickered and shared in turn like siblings. It came to his attention later that the mage had recovered much faster and was already raiding the kitchen by that point, meaning Marian had been waiting only for him. It was an odd act for someone he had just been considering an enemy.

Everything Hawke did seemed designed to strengthen the alliances with her Wardens and with the Arling. It was impossible not to be drawn to her in some manner. Even in her hunt for the missing, seeking Wardens she had never had occasion to meet, her regard was strong.

For Nathaniel, it was in the time she spent pitting their skills against each other that let him get to understand her. She was sharp,with the blades in her hand, and kept fluid to the point he never knew where she would go next. Beyond that, he'd been in the field with her quite long enough to know anything she touched could become a weapon. One day, he would not be surprised to observe her slaughtering darkspawn with an off-handed tea cup. When he asked of her training, she had simply given a wry smile and avoided any semblance of answer. He'd heard her in battle though; she had definitely been trained by one of the bards.

Probably part of why Marian Hawke knew to wait until the two were alone to tap him.

"What is it with the statue?"

Nathaniel sighed. She knew something. "It's strange. All my life, that was a statue of a Howe ancestor. Now, it's the Maker's Bride."

Marian shifted uncomfortably. "That... might be partly my fault. Alistair and I made the decision to erase the Howe name until it could be rehabilitated, if it could. I'm sorry."

"No. It is what I would have done." He raised a hand to stop any discussion on the topic. "I suppose it was timely anyway. My father was apparently cruel, doubtless it ran its course. Who knows what that ancestor may have done."

Turning, Marian sat. There were no chairs here, so she slid to the steps. Nathaniel followed suit, finding the familial gesture comforting.

"Your father was flawed. I... I didn't want to kill him, Nathaniel. I tried to get him to stand down, but he refused. Adamantly. I am sorry." Marian curled her knees up, resting her head on them. "We all have our faults, Howe, but the people we love shouldn't pay for them. I'll have it replaced. For you and your sister."

Nathaniel almost protested, but the thoughtful look on Hawke's face made him reconsider. She had an unusual aire in that moment, and for the first time he could see the part of her that was not meant for this. Uncertain. After a month, he noticed she was truly human. "You know, Commander..."

"Hawke."

"Yes. Hawke. You know, it is my experience that every person who ever was honored by a statue was some manner of scoundrel. This is no different."

Marian- how is it he thought of her by her first name?- smiled and stretched at that. "You DO know Redcliffe just received permission from the crown to raise a statue of me apparently, yes?"

"That only proves my point."

Her laughter was cheerful, and musical. He imagined she had a tremendous singing voice, and quite suddenly dearly wished to hear it. Unfortunately that was when Anders and Oghren returned, the mage holding a kitten and almost squealing in excitement. Marian also hopped to her feet, rushing to see the small furry creatures.

"By the way Hawke." She turned to him briefly, her steps paused midway. He couldn't believe he was about to do this, but... "Call me Nate."

Maker her smile was brilliant.

0 $*^

Breakfast was, at times, a raucous affair. Nathaniel Howe wasn't sure he'd ever get used to it. The dwarf was loud, and the mage Anders was almost insufferable. Commander Hawke claimed to trust both with her life however, and he had continuously found them both highly useful. Lucky too, since ever since Marian had confirmed his prowess with a bow he was on every single venture with her and those two. He watched her now, finishing a bit of sausage and chuckling at her companions' antics.

Oghren had started on the subject of dating, and things had gotten even more racey from there. Nathaniel had found himself pushed to contribute at their small table, talking about his time with the women in the Marches. It hadn't been his main focus, but there had been women, and his father had suggested he enjoy the freedom before returning to claim his titles. In fact, Marian was the only one who had been silent during the conversation.

"What about you, Commander Hawke" Ander's finally asked. "I've discussed my daring and embarrassing exploits in the Circle. What about your own experiences?"

The lady rogue colored profusely. "I am not comfortable with this discussion."

"Come on. You were with the army! Didn't you ever sneak off for a dalliance?" Oghren asked with a laugh.

Her answer was a mutter into her morning beverage.

"Sorry? What was that?" Anders asked, incredulous.

"I said I've only done anything like...that...once."

"He must have been quite special to you," Oghren supplied, confusion in his eyes.

"Who is the lucky man?" Anders asked, glimmer in his eyes. "Or is it a woman?"

Marian sighed and slammed down her drink. Nathaniel jumped back, as did the other two men.

"It was during the Blight actually. Nothing special, just a way to feel something other than pressure and rejection." Marian sighed, then laughed. "Other than that the boys were too scared of me I guess. I always thought I was pretty enough for them to pay attention to." She paused, semi-serious, and looked at the three men around her. "Oghren, tell me I'm pretty?"

Humbled, the dwarf reached for her hand. "Were I unwed I would take you in a manly fashion Hawke."

"Because I'm pretty?"

"Because you're pretty."

Nathaniel watched, now mesmerized as Hawke Rose and went towards her office with a grin. "I'll see you boys later then. Thank you, Oghren."

The three sat stunned as they finished breakfast. Anders looked at Oghren. "Do you..?"

"Well it wasn't me! And if I knew I wouldn't say after that."

Nathaniel found his mind torn about what to do. One side said to forget it; the other...

The side wanting to let it go won. Yet from that point forward, as the day progressed, he found her presence grow more and more distracted.

- 00 lLater that night...

After dinner, Marian tapped Nathaniel impishly as she slid to her office. He was following almost before he realized it, drawn to do so. Entering he was struck by how natural it was to consider this as HER office, even as it last belonged to his father. It was as if her presence had overcome what had been left behind.

"Nate." Marian's voice was light, though it trembled gently. "I have a surprise for you."

"I'm not typically one for surprises, Hawke."

"I promise you'll love this one." With that, she reached under her desk and took out a weapon careful cradled in fabric. Careful, he took it from her, eyebrows creased in confusion until he pulled a bit of the cloth back. The wood was weathered but strong, polished as much by the long years as sure hands.

"Is that what I think it is?" Nate knew his voice had dropped, nearly reverent. He pulled it out and inspected. "It is. That's the Howe crest burned into the wood right there. This is my grandfather's bow. Or rather my grandfather was the last to use it. It was originally made for an ancestor during the Exalted Marches..." Realizing he was rambling, Nathaniel paused and looked up at his friend.

"Well, it's yours now, Nate." She leaned against the desk, boosting herself up. "I would give anything to have something of my past. I know you will protect yours. After all, it was your initial purpose here was it not?"

"It was. Outside of laying that trap."

"Outside of that, obviously," Marian quipped, shrugging. "There was one other thing I was hoping to broach with you if it isn't too much trouble. I was hoping you might call me... by my given name. At least when we're like this."

The concept dizzied Nathaniel briefly and he knew it was trouble. Instead of protesting he heard himself assure, "Of course, Marian." The surge that flooded through his system was electric. Just speaking her name almost made him light-headed. He tried- and failed- to push away thoughts of speaking it in softer, more intimate tones...

That was the instant Nathaniel Howe knew he had lost the fight. He had fallen in love.