Sophia and Paige were passed out on Paige's bed, the stuffed animals nearly drowning them, and it made Amy smile to see how peaceful they were. She closed the door softly while Carol dried her hands after washing the dishes, and Amy ran her hands through her hair.
"Thank you."
Carol turned. "What for?"
"For the dinner and for trusting me with Sophia. Paige hasn't made any friends until now, and I was worried you wouldn't want her around Sophia. Or me."
"Why wouldn't I?" She crossed her arms.
"Just...rumors...about me." She laced her fingers together. "People can be cruel, and I was worried they might have told you lies about me."
"What happened to you, Amy?" She averted her eyes. "You used to be so outgoing and cheerful. You were so brilliant, and I was so sure you'd open your own dance studio. What changed you?"
Amy shifted her weight, uncomfortable.
"Were you...raped?"
Her head snapped up, her mouth opened, but she couldn't get the words out.
"Is that why you live...here? Why Andrea hasn't heard from you? Why does she worry that you're dead?"
"I told you before." She crossed her arms protectively. "My life's been rough."
"You had Paige when you were sixteen," Carol lowered her voice, "and you knew Merle."
"You knew Merle," she shot back. "Were you raped in a dark alley at night by some drug dealer? Or are you insinuating Merle raped me?"
Carol frowned. She knew Merle wasn't that type of man. He was a drunk, a tweaker, but not a rapist. He dealt with a lot of bad men who probably were, so maybe he accidentally brought them to Amy. She didn't want to assume anything, but she had to know. Amy was like her sister too, even if she didn't know her that well anymore. Amy was always around with Andrea, so Carol grew to love her, became protective of her. She hadn't outgrown that. "You wanted to talk to me," Carol reminded her, "talk."
"About the rape?" Amy asked. "Or something that actually happened?"
"I was raped," Carol told her, and Amy locked eyes with her. "Can it still be considered rape if you're married to the person?" Her eyes burned as she let out a weak laugh.
"Wh... What?" Amy lowered her arms. "Who? Why?"
"I used to ask that, but I never got an answer, so I don't know." She dropped her head. "Ed...was my husband."
"Your husband?" She looked confused. "Your husband raped you? Why would he do that?"
"The same reason he would beat me: power. He craved the power it gave him, or so I think." Amy embraced her tightly, and Carol swallowed hard, not sure if it felt good to tell somebody or if she felt like throwing up. She didn't know how to feel anymore. She felt like a disappointment to her family and like she was a failure of a mother. She didn't know what was true anymore. Ed was so condescending and convinced her she was so many things but worthy. She fought with his words every morning, but every night...she was right back there with him. His scent, his touch surrounded and choked her, and it took everything she had not to scream herself awake. She couldn't let them know. She just couldn't.
Amy held her almost protectively. "I'm here. It's going to be okay." She sobbed, digging her nails into Amy's back. "Shh."
– – –
The sound of arguing and birds woke Carol. She inhaled deeply, the scent of coffee and lavender entering her nose, and she opened her eyes. The room she was in was unfamiliar, but at the sound of giggling, she remembered she stayed with Amy. This was Amy's bedroom.
They'd talked through the night, and Amy didn't want Carol to leave so upset. Carol didn't want to go home so upset, to have them question why. She just wanted them to think her life back there was decent and she came back to be home. Ignorance was bliss in this case, and she would rather die than let them know what truly happened. She couldn't bear to see the same expression Amy had on their faces, and she didn't want them to treat her any differently. Carol knew Amy wouldn't, and perhaps that's why she told her...everything. Amy was the only person Carol was going to tell. Amy, Carol Karen were going to take this secret to the grave.
She smiled as she remember the last before her freshmen year of high school.
– – –
"Hurry up," Maggie softly told her, adjusting the straps to the backpack as Carol mustered the courage to jump off the roof of Andrea's house. Lori and Andrea were waiting with her. When she finally did jump, Maggie helped her up. "C'mon."
They ran down the road and into the woods, all holding hands so they wouldn't lose each anyone. They looked for the spot in the small clearing in the woods just outside Hershel's farm where they were going to do this. They'd been planning this since graduation, and Maggie had helped them plan too. She was year younger than them, but still, she was a good friend.
Maggie spotted the white bandana Lori had tied to the branch of the tree just before the clearing, and they hurried over to it. Lori and Andrea made a fire while Maggie and Carol handed them the matches.
Once the fire became to burn brightly—and safely—Lori swiped the bracelets they had made the other day from the bag, Andrea took the goblet and began to fill it with liquid and Carol dug the small cloth pouch out of her pocket and tossed it into the fire, the flames turned a different color momentarily. Maggie played tribal music to make it seem dramatic, and they all tried not to laugh.
"We've come here tonight to make a pact," Maggie said as they sat in a circle around the fire. "We're going to be—"
A twig snapped, and they all turned to find Amy waving nonchalantly by a tree.
"Amy, what are you doing?" Andrea demanded.
"I heard you all stomping around, so I followed you." She sat by Lori. "What are you doing?"
"A pact," Carol told her. "A blood pact."
"I think you guys watched The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood too much," Amy commented.
"Probably," Lori teased. "You wanna go first?"
"First?" Amy tilted her head.
She pulled out a switchblade. "We're all gonna cut our palms, hence the blood part."
"Why?"
"Because life happens," Andrea replied. "We've been friends for as long as I can remember, these two are like my sisters, so...we're making a pact to continue to be sisters. Once you run off and become a famous dancer forget all about me, I'll need sisterly support."
Amy smiled. "I wanna do it too."
"Well, here." Lori handed her the extra bracelet. It was one of the prettier ones that Lori was going to keep to herself, but Amy was so adorable and genuine. She was practically one of them anyway, with all the time she spend with them in Andrea's room, talking and laughing.
Amy slipped it on, giddy.
"Can we continue or is Beth coming?" Andrea asked.
Maggie cleared her throat. "This is the last summer we have tonight before you guys go off to high school and probably ignore us because we're grade schoolers."
"As it's the first full moon of this month, we here to make a pact under it's illuminating rays," Lori added as she cut her palms. "A pact to always be friends, sisters and hopefully not alcoholics."
Amy giggled.
"As seasons change and people come and go, we make this pact to remember our past promises and to always keep them." Carol winced as she cut her palms. "To always turn to each other in times of need."
"Unless it involves money," Maggie took the knife, "then we turn to Andrea and Amy, the wealthy Horvaths, who will look at us if we get arrested for something stupid and tell us how badly we screwed up."
"This is how diseases spread," Amy held the knife with fingers, but still did it. "To strength we'll find in each other when we run out of our own?"
Andrea smiled and took Amy's hand then Carol's. "Drop the question mark."
Amy nodded and took Lori's hand and then they passed around the goblet, each drinking the very potent and sour concoction Andrea had made that gave them all a burst of energy. They all began to dance around the fire, crazy hyper and laughing for no reason. It was later that Andrea confessed to adding a large amount of Red Bull or possibly Monster to the concoction. It was still one the best summers Carol had had, even though they all got an infection from the dirt that got into their wounds when they fell to the ground when they got dizzy from spinning themselves around and around.
––
"Mommy!" Sophia jumped onto the bed. "Breakfast's ready!"
"All right, I'm up." She followed Sophia into the kitchen and Amy smiled a good morning. "It smells good in here."
"I made eggs, pancakes and bacon." She scraped eggs onto four plates. "I hope you like scrambled, because that's all I can make."
"I do, thank you." She took two of the plates and set them in front of the girls. "Coffee."
Amy set the other two plates down and drank orange juice. "Did you girls sleep well?" They nodded. "Really, 'cause I heard giggling around three this morning."
Carol took her seat as Sophia and Paige now stuffed their faces to not answer, sipping the hot coffee. Carol noticed how similar Sophia and Paige were. They both hadn't had many friends, they both were really sweet and generous, and Sophia was right: they had the same eye color. Paige looked more like Amy than whoever her father was, only her hair was different. It was wavy, like Sophia was after she bathed, and it was nothing like Amy's. Paige had her father's eyes and hair, no doubt.
Amy chewed on a piece of bacon, noting how Carol looked over her daughter. "Did you sleep okay, Carol?"
"Yes." She turned to Amy. "Thank you for talking. I—I really needed it, and I appreciate you..er, listening to me."
"Any time."
They ate breakfast, Carol washed her face in the bathroom while Amy gave Sophia one of Paige's outfits to borrow for school since it was almost time, and Carol gave Sophia a kiss and a hug before Sophia left with Amy and Paige to go to school. Carol left to go home and change. She had business to attend to.
––
Daryl opened the door and found Carol on the other side in jeans and a t-shirt with a bandana in her hair. She still wouldn't meet his eyes, but her smile was warm, so he tried not to let it bother him. He had been working on the basement, a lot of the junk had been tossed a few hours ago, and now he just needed her help cleaning.
"Meaning you want me to clean 'cause you don't want to." She followed him down the stairs.
"Yeah."
"All right. I'll need a broom, a mop and—ahh!" She practically jumped into his arms. "Something brushed the back of my neck!"
"What?" He looked behind her. "There ain't nothing there."
"Was it a spider?" She shuddered. "I don't fear them, but the ones that were down here before could own property."
He chuckled. "Probably just dust."
"I hope so." She wiped the back of her neck and began to blush at how close they were. She jumped back. "So, uhh, mop?"
"Same place as always." He returned to what he was doing before.
Carol didn't have a problem with what happened the other night, but now that they were alone tonight, she did. She had made herself not think about it, but what else was she going to do? Try and make sure every inch of the basement was immaculate? Hell, yes.
Daryl watched Carol while they worked, seeing how focused she was on sweeping and dusting and re-sweeping. She was in her own little world, and he didn't want to bother her by asking why she couldn't look at him and why she kept blushing. He wouldn't let himself even consider the possibility of her feeling anything for him. She was probably nervous about something else. Like slipping that money back into his wallet like he knew she would try to do. He knew Carol better than she thought, and he knew she wouldn't take his money, so he went out and bought her a phone. She couldn't return that as easily, and she needed one, especially if he was going to be babysitting Sophia.
"Hey, Carol." He carried down a plate with sandwiches and chips. "Hungry?"
"Starving." She set the wood polisher down and meet him on the steps where they sat down and ate. She attacked the sandwich, her manners lost from hunger, and Daryl had seen her devour down food faster than this before, so she wasn't embarrassed.
"So," Carol asked when she swallowed, "how does it look?"
"Clean. I can see my reflection in the floor." She laughed. "It's big."
"What are you doing to do with all of this space? Before you sell, I mean."
"Don't know." He turned to her and reached out, wiping something off her cheek with his thumb and licking it off. "Mustard."
She wiped her cheeks. "Thanks."
He chewed his inside of his bottom lip then mustered up his courage. "Is Sophia his?"
She looked at him. "I honestly don't know, Daryl. I know you want to know, and you have a right to know, but..."
"But?"
"If she is your daughter...what does that make us?" She was no longer hungry. "Our marriage was a disaster. I can't bear to hurt you like I did ever again, but Sophia's young, and she won't understand that, so she'll want us to be together. She already wants a sibling. I can't...explain us to her. I can barely explain it to myself. I'm sorry, but if we're going to do a paternity test, it'll be when she's older. When she can understand our relationship. That's all I have to say about it, so don't try to sway me."
He nodded. "Why'd you lie to me?"
"About not being able to have children?" He nodded. "Because I didn't want to try. I couldn't go through that loss again, but when I found out I was pregnant with Sophia, I—God, I was terrified. I worried all the time, and at the hint of anything strange happening, I went to see my doctor. He understood, and I was induced two weeks before her due date in case those last two weeks had anything to do with it."
"Was he there for you?"
"When he could be. My friend Karen was by my side all the way, so I was never alone." She paused and licked her lips. "Sophia Nora Greene."
He met her eyes. "Nora?"
"Nora."
"Why?"
"I didn't pick it; Ed did." She shrugged. "Ironic, huh?"
"Ed, huh?" He exhaled. "Why'd you leave him?"
She tensed.
"Why come back after all this time?"
"Ed...died," she lied. "I wanted Sophia to be around family, so I brought her back here. I should've done it sooner, but... That doesn't matter, I guess. We're here and well."
"Were you not with him?"
"Don't." She stood up and walked by him on the stairs, and he hurried after her. She set the plate on the island."You don't get to ask about Ed. I don't want to talk about him."
"The man supposedly died a couple weeks ago, but I don't see a ring or a tan line. It's been off a long time." He stopped in the living room. "Did he abuse you?"
"What?!" She whirled around, her heart stopping. Did he know?
"Merle suggested—"
"Merle? Merle! Don't listen to Merle! He has nothing to do with us, and you have nothing to do with Ed!"
"If he abused you or that kid that may be mine, I have a right to know!"
"A right? What right? Daryl, we're divorced and just grasping at a friendship! Just because you slept with me doesn't mean you have an all-access pass to my personal life!"
"I don't think I do, I just wanna know this Ed did right by you!"
"He did! We got married, Sophia was taken care of, and he died." It was true. Ed did right by Carol up until Sophia was born then he...changed. He was this person she didn't know. The Ed she knew had died, and left a hollow, abusive shell behind. "Happy?" She put her hands on the island and looked at him. "Daryl, tell me what's on your mind. Let's yell or fight or talk, but let's get it all out, because I can't keep doing these mini-wars whenever we're alone. I just can't!"
He gripped the back of his neck. "How long did it take?"
"How long did what take?" She was confused.
"How long did it take to love Ed?"
"I didn't."
"What?" He lifted his head. "You never loved him?"
"I thought I did, but I was just...vulnerable." She leaned back against the counter. "Ed was just...there when I needed someone, but I never loved him."
He was smiling inside. He felt a lot better knowing she never loved him. He'd come in last place with everyone else, but at least he felt first when it came to the men Carol loved. He still felt a pain inside, but it wasn't as intense.
"What about you? Were you...with anyone else?" He dropped his eyes, and she felt a lump form in her throat. Of course he'd been with other women. He was the best once you got by the rough exterior, and she was glad to know he wasn't always alone. She'd also be happy to know the names of the bitches to attack them for touching her—No, no, no! Bad thoughts, no your anything, she scolded herself. You do not own Daryl.
"They didn't mean nothin'," he told her. Most of them he just woke up next to after getting so damn drunk the previous night. He didn't even know their names or remembered how they met. The only time he did remember any one woman was when she led him into his and Carol's bedroom. He went off and she left, calling him every name in the book and flipping him off. He had to listen to Merle tell him to get the hell over Carol for the hundredth time the next morning.
"They?" Her brows rose. "How many is they?"
He shrugged. "I can barely remember their faces. I was always drunk."
"You don't have any illegitimate children, do you?"
"No."
She nodded and picked at her nails. "Did you ever—?"
"No."
"I didn't even finish asking. How do you know it's a no?" She met his eyes.
"There are only two ends to that question, and both of 'em are no."
Thank God! "Good to know." She shifted her weight. "Is that why you sleep in the guest bedroom?"
"Mostly."
"Have you been in a serious relationship since we broke up?" She had to know. "Did you date at all?"
"No. Shawn tried, but I don't date."
"You weren't waiting for me...were you?" She started blushing out of embarrassment. "Not that I'm worth waiting for or am anything special, of course. I just—I was curious."
"I wasn't waitin' for you. I just... No one else got me like you, and I wasn't about to let someone else try." His eyes were locked on her. "I didn't wanna love nobody else like I loved you."
Past tense. "Daryl." Her eyes burned. She felt like a completely and utter bitch. She was the only person he ever opened up to, allowed himself to trust and love. Still, knowing about all of his scars and how many people had left him and her promises not to do the same...she left him. She loved him more than anything, and she abandoned him. "I am so sorry."
"Don't cry." He felt uncomfortable. He hated when she cried, especially now, because he didn't know what to do. Before he would touch her cheek or hair, but now that might make her more upset. What the hell was he supposed to do?
He stopped in front of her and hugged her, she melt against him, her face buried in his chest. He lowered his head onto hers, the scent of her shampoo flooding his senses. It filled him with memories, and that dream came into his head again. It was so real. He dropped his head lower, his stubble brushing her ear, and suddenly, Carol wasn't crying as much anymore. His forehead touched hers, she titled her head back to look at him, and—
The front door flew open, Carol jumped and Daryl let her go as Merle walked in. He didn't look over at them, just plopped onto the couch and opened a beer, turning on the TV.
Carol wiped at her eyes and muttered a goodbye before leaving, and Daryl couldn't get two words out before she was gone. He watched her flee from the house and listened as her car sped off. He swallowed and cleared his throat, wondering what just happened and why he had done that.
"You're a glutton, Darylina," Merle told him. "A damn glutton."
– – –
The next morning, Carol couldn't get what happened on the island and what almost happened yesterday out of her head. She ambled downstairs, passing more of Shawn's boxes and remembering the surprise wedding that was going to take place here in a couple of hours as soon as the movers arrived. She tried focusing on that as she headed down the kitchen, but it didn't last long.
Beth headed out to go to "school"—she was meeting up with Jacqui and Patricia—Hershel was going to store, Shawn was working with Sophia in the barn, and Carol and Maggie were in the kitchen alone. A few biscuits were in a bowl on the island as Carol stirred milk into her coffee, and Maggie poured herself a cup of coffee, exhausted and sore from training with Shane. She needed a massage. The only upside about today was her date later. Thank God Glenn was coming to the wedding.
Carol swallowed hard, lowering her cup. "I had sex with Daryl."
Maggie spat out hot coffee and choked, coughing. She set the cup down, wheezing, and she turned to face Carol, eyes wide. "What?" she managed.
"That was poor timing. I'm so sorry." She grabbed her cup and all but ran to her bedroom.
"You nearly killed me, do you think I'm gonna let you just run?" Maggie was on her heels and slammed her hand against Carol's door when she tried to shut the door on her. "Carol, I just fought a man who's all muscle and almost six feet, I can take you."
She stepped back and sat down on her bed, the cup resting on her ankle. "I want to talk about it, but you're going to judge me."
"It's too late for that." She closed the door and climbed onto the bed in front of her. "What happened?"
"I was painting the living room the other night, trying to get the outline of the stairs done, and Daryl came home. He was complete wasted, and he...pushed me against the wall and..."
"And?" Maggie pressed.
"He...slippedhishandintomypants," Carol quickly mumbled.
"What?"
"Don't make me say it again." Her face was on fire. "Hang on." She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it down, Maggie moved closer as if the words would escape if she didn't, and she took the notepad when Carol held it out.
Her mouth fell open. "Holy shit, Carol."
She drank heavily from her cup, wishing she'd added something more potent than milk.
"Were you safe?" Maggie asked, looking over Carol's face as she all but chugged the coffee. "Carol, you can't get pregnant again. Sophia was luck—"
"I can have children, Maggie. I've always been able to, I just lied so Daryl wouldn't want to try again." She closed her eyes. "Sophia may be his."
"What?!" Maggie shouted.
"Ed and Daryl overlapped, so I don't know which is the father." She opened an eye, but Maggie didn't look at her like she was the biggest slut in the world, so she opened her eyes. "I—I couldn't tell you guys my first night, because...I don't want Sophia to know."
"I'll keep it to myself, but seriously, were you safe?"
"Yeah. I'm on the pill. I take it with my vitamins every morning."
"Are you gonna talk to him about it?"
"Hell no." She set her cup on the table beside her.
"Why not?"
"Maggie, it wasn't just sex. It never was with me and Daryl. It's—complicated. He may think it meant more than it did, because I was sober. It was an accident. I wasn't thinking."
"But you still were sober."
She dropped her eyes. "If I'm being honest, I never got over Daryl."
"You got under him" she muttered.
Carol laughed then glared. "I could've been on top!"
Maggie laughed. "Sure."
"Shut up."
"Are you still in love with him?" Maggie gently inquired.
"I don't know. I love him, I always have, but I don't know if I'm in love with him." She shrugged. She didn't want to think about it.
"What's with that look? Did something happen?"
"He was really rough." Carol tapped her fingernail against the cup. "He left a bruise on my arm he was holding me tight."
"He hurt you?"
"It was like he'd taken his anger out on me through sex. I don't know. It was different, but...not a bad different."
"Slut!" Maggie accused.
"This coming from a girl who lost her virginity—"
"Ho, ho, ho!" Maggie cut her off. "We swore to never talk about that."
"And we're swearing to never talk about this."
"Carol—"
"No, Maggie, swear to me. Daryl can never know or anybody else." She searched her eyes. "Our blood pact."
"Damn it, fine. I won't tell a soul."
"Thank you." She hugged her tightly. "I've missed this."
"Me too," she admitted. "Beth only talks about school and babies, but I think if she talked about men and sex, I'd have to go and slaughter them."
"I'll sharpen the ax."
"Mag, Carol!" Beth came barreling into the house. "Shawn left! C'mon, we gotta get to work!"
"Damn, I wanted to have fun today. Oh, well." She grabbed Carol by her wrists and hauled her up. "If I'm in Hell, you're coming with me."
They met Beth at the bottom of the stairs, Tyreese and T-dog were in the middle of rearranging the living room to Beth's desire, Patrica and Otis carried in grocery bags, and they both went to their preassigned areas before Beth saw them standing about and yelled at them to start helping again. It was one of Beth's favoring ways to pass time.
"What am I cooking?" Carol walked into the kitchen.
Patricia spun around and hugged her tightly. "Carol! I heard you were back! It is so good to see you!"
"It's very good to see you." She laughed at how good it was to see her. "I missed you."
She held her in arms length. "You've grown up so much. I can't believe how much you've changed." She smiled at her. "Where is your little girl I've heard so much about?"
"She's probably outside or with Beth. You'll see her soon, I promise."
"I hope so. Now, we have a lot to do, and Glenn's mom won't be here until she finishes the cake." She began to unpack the bags. "So, Shawn and Sasha are expecting?"
"Yes. She's three months along." Carol helped her unpack.
"And this wedding is a surprise?"
"Planned by Beth. She loves a good surprise and also to make people happy."
"She's such a sweet young woman." Patricia took out baking pans. "Shawn's always loved a good surprise too."
Let's hope so, Carol thought to herself.
Patrica and Carol prepared the main course before Patricia went into town to pick up a few more ingredients, leaving Carol to help Beth set up the dining room as Jacqui hadn't returned from picking up a dress just yet.
"Holy shit." Carol barely recognized the dining room. The table had been draped in a white tablecloth to cover the many marks that had been worn into the table over the years that only they could see and in the center of the table was a basket of lilies with a few gear tealight candles in a creative design around dandelion dinnerware that their best silver along side them. It was really beautiful, especially would be when the candles were lit. Beth had such a good eye for what people would like and what looked best, and she was generous enough to do it all herself.
"What?" Beth crossed champagne flutes off a checklist.
"It looks really beautiful. You've outdone yourself."
"Thank you." She blushed a little. "I just wanted to give them a good wedding since they don't have any say."
She laughed. "That's a good reason."
"Are you here to help?" Beth asked. "I saw Patricia leave to go and check on Yumi."
"She makes the best cakes, so please stop me when I try and attack it halfway through the ceremony."
She giggled. "That would make this even more memorable, and you could use the weight."
"My mouth's already watering. Let's not talk about Yumi's cooking. Who's performing the ceremony?"
"Father Gabriel. He'll be here in an hour or two." She checked her watch. "I need to check on Sophia and see if she needs help with the flowers. Umm, could you bring my stereo down and Shawn's CD collection? The one he has hidden underneath his bed. It hasn't been moved just yet."
"Do I want to know how you know its hidden under his bed?"
"Who else cleans around here? Without me, they'd been covered in dirt and eating tree bark within a month."
Carol smiled. "Good point." She headed upstairs and to Shawn's room to get the CDs first. She felt a chill run through her spine at how bare his room was. All of the boxes had been moved onto the truck, all of the dressers and the bookshelf as well, but his camera equipment was in his car so he didn't have to kill someone from breaking a lens. If he puts his kid in the same category as his cameras, that kid will never leave the house.
She grabbed his collection and left, running into Daryl. "What are you doing here?"
"Beth called, asked me to come and help. I don't got plans." He shrugged. "Besides Yumi's bringin' cake. Why would I miss that?"
"Well, Beth wanted me to get her stereo. Mind giving me a hand?"
"Beats movin' chairs from the shed." He glanced down the hall. "Where's her room?"
"Down here." She walked ahead of him, thinking of his comment of the shed. If Dad ever knew what happened in the shed... Yeah, Daryl's decomposing body would have given them great crops. There was only one time when nothing happened...
– – –
"Thanks, Carol, I appreciate the help," Shawn called after her sarcastically. "Don't let the mosquitoes bite!"
"It's not my fault!" She retorted. "You're the pig!"
He flipped her off before getting back to work.
She groaned and headed as far away from him as possible. She was so sick of him and his stupid inability to take responsible for his actions. It wasn't her fault or Maggie's or Beth's. It was his fault. The sooner he realized it, the better. She was already feeling crummy, because she didn't have his back. That's what pissed him off the most, she knew, but there was nothing she could say that would make Mom or Dad less disappointed and angry with him.
She wanted to chop a piece of wood that was in the shape of his head! Ugh!
She sighed and crossed her arms, stopping just beside the barn. She just wanted to take a walk and clear her mind, but she was too pissed off. She wanted to tell Shawn off, but he was already annoyed and pissed off himself. They just needed to avoid each other until the guilt of what they said ate them into apologizing. That's how it went.
She walked toward the duck pond but someone grabbed her, and she nearly shrieked. The only thing that stopped her was the scent of rich earth and leather. It was Daryl. He liked to sulk around now that he was staying with them. She hadn't seen much of him since her birthday party, but it was mostly because of Shawn and her and her parents and all of the fighting.
"Didn't mean to scare you."
"You surprised me. What are you doing here?"
"I kinda live here."
"Smartass. I meant out here. I thought you were inside asleep. It's early, barely seven."
"Hershel woke me up. He wanted me to chop some wood, so I did."
"How kind of you."
"I don't take handouts. I'll work to stay."
She smiled then leaned up and kissed him, cupping a hand to the back of his neck, pushing up on the tips of her toes. "How did you sleep?" She searched his eyes. "After—"
"I sleep fine."
"I just wanted to make sure. I would have nightmares if my father ever..."
"I don't wanna talk about that."
"Why do I get the feeling you don't want to talk at all?"
He grasped her neck and brought her face up to his, kissing her. He knew Hershel had rules since he was so kind enough to repeat them every single morning Daryl woke up, and he knew Hershel would castrate him if he knew that Carol wasn't a virgin. He would probably shoot him for just kissing her.
"C'mere." He pulled her out of sight behind the shed, opening the door and pulling her inside.
The shed was dark and it smelled of wood and hay, but it was the only place no one was or ever really went to. The only light they had was a flashlight and battery-operated lantern on the shelf right by the door.
In the darkness, they fumbled into a wall, but there was a built-in shelf that had nothing on it. He fell down onto it, pulling her onto his lap and resting his hands on her hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, slipping her fingers into his hair. She'd wished they could be alone more often, but with graduation coming up and finishing up the last of applications she had, she didn't have time. Both of her parents didn't want Daryl and her to be alone in a room, and if they were they had to leave the door open. Often Hershel or Shawn would walk in and make sure they weren't doing it, asking if they wanted a snack or drink, but they knew better.
Breathless, she pulled back and looked over what little of his face she could see with the light that streamed. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Graduation's in less than a week." He met her eyes. "Then we got...what? Two, three months?"
"I know." She exhaled slowly. "I can't imagine school without you, no matter how hard I try."
"You're gonna go. I ain't gonna let you stay, not for me."
"I know." She lifted her head. "I just want to make the most of our time together, so after graduation meet me at the dock. Mom's having a party, so we'll have to stay, eat some cupcakes, open some cards, take some pictures and then go to the dock. I'll meet you down there."
"All right, but if we get caught—"
"Don't jinx it." She rested her forehead on his before leaning in and kissing him. "We need to get out of here. If Daddy sent you, he'll probably come and check on you with something to drink." She walked over to the door. "But if you wanna screw around after, you know where to find me."
"Pfft."
She giggled. "I'll see you at lunch." She walked out of the shed in a better mood and she saw Shawn working alone in the field. She jogged over and decided to help him, not caring that he wasn't supposed to have help.
"Dad's gonna kill you."
She shrugged.
"You may like them, but you're not a cat, certainly aren't sneaky."
"Who knows? Maybe I have the nine lives instead."
He snorted. "Yeah, sure."
– – –
"Here you go." Carol handed Beth the CDs. "Anything else I can do?"
"Help me cook."
Carol spun around. "Mom!" She smiled widely. "What are you doing here?"
"Do you think I would miss my own son's wedding?" She hugged Carol and Beth. "Patricia and Carol and I will finish dinner, so go and help your father with the lawn. It's a train wreck."
"Thanks, Mom." Beth kissed her cheek then smiled at Patricia before jogging out to help Hershel.
"Well, well, well," Annette said to Daryl. "Daryl Dixon."
"Mrs. Greene." He ducked his head, unable to meet her eyes.
"Mrs. Greene? I don't have Alzheimer's, so I know I told you to call me Annette. Heck, call me Anne or Annie." She hugged him, and Carol was surprised when he didn't resist. "It's good to see you again."
"Same to you." He glanced at Carol. "I'm gonna go help Hershel and T."
Annette put her arm through Carol's and led her to the kitchen. "Yumi's making the cake?"
"Yes."
"Good. It'll probably kill me, but I'll die happy."
Carol wanted to laugh, but the thought of her mom dying made her want to be sick. She never wanted to think of that. It made her heart stop and tighten.
"All right. We need to make two more meals since I invited two more guests." Annette pulled out the extras. "Patrica?"
"Yeah?" She was in the doorway.
"Go help Jacqui with the dress. Carol and I will finish up in here, and if we need help, I'll get Beth."
She frowned a little, but nodded and went to help Jacqui.
"Quality mother-daughter time?" Carol teased, leaning against the island.
"Yes." Annette smiled sweetly. "Were you planing on telling you had sex with Daryl or letting me guess?" Her face burned and she stammered, more confused than nervous, and Annette laughed. "Oh, pretty girl, I know you better than you think. You can't fool me, though obviously you've fooled that boy."
"Um... Uh, wh—what?" She shook her head, trying to get over the embarrassment and the confusion. "Why—why do you think that Daryl and I—that we... What?"
"I have bad blood pressure, not bad vision. Besides, it doesn't take an idiot to know something went on between you and Daryl."
"Nothing happened. Let's just drop it, all right?" She tucked hair behind her ears. "So, who's are our two new guests?"
"Dale and Andrea." She handed Carol a potato peeler. "I couldn't find Amy. I really wanted to see her again."
"Amy?" She set the peeler down. "I could give her a call." Though she probably wouldn't come if she knew Andrea was coming.
"Really?" She looked really happy. "I would love that."
"I didn't know you cared for Amy so much." Carol grabbed the phone. "I'll be right back."
"Take your time."
She went into the living room to call Amy, but she didn't have to wait long. Amy answered on the first ring. "Hey, Amy, it's me."
"Hey, Carol, what can I do for you?"
"Do you want to come to a small wedding?"
"Oh, I love weddings! Who's getting married?"
"Sasha and Shawn."
"That's so sweet. I'd love to come. When is it?"
"In a few hours."
"Oh, that's really short notice."
"It's just my family and hers. Just wear something nice, and you'll get cake and a free meal. Sophia would love to have Paige over. No one else here is her age."
"I can bring a gift. There's an old gravy boat that I have no purpose for. It was an impulse buy a long time ago. I'd love for someone to actually use it."
"Great! Just come on over now, if you want. Or at any time before seven."
"I'll come at five."
"That's really great. I'll see you at five."
"Bye."
She hung up and returned to the kitchen. "Amy's coming. She's bringing Paige too."
"Paige?" Annette paused. "Is Amy... Is she gay?"
Carol blinked. "N—no, no, no, no. Paige is Amy's daughter."
"Amy has a daughter?" Annette gaped. "Oh, my gosh. How long have I been in the hospital? How old is Paige? Did Amy get married? Why didn't Dale tell me?"
"Amy isn't married, and Paige is almost five."
"I see." She bit her bottom lip. "Well, I'm sure she's beautiful."
"She is. She looks just like Amy, but she has her father's hair."
"Oh? And who's her father?"
"I don't know, but they're not together. Amy and I both agree no father is needed to raise our daughters."
"Then why sleep with Daryl? Why would you do that to him?"
She frowned. "What?"
"After all that happened between you... are you trying to hurt him? Or do you still feel—?"
"I have to help my daughter with the flowers." She turned on her heel and left the room. She found Sophia around back with Hershel, Daryl, T and Tyreese. They were working on an arch that Carol had seen Hershel and Annette get married under as well as herself and Daryl, and Sophia was with Beth, taping flowers over rusty spots on the chairs.
"Hey, baby." She lowered herself down beside them. "Beth."
"Hey." She smiled, smoothing tape over the stem of the lily. "Well, that's the last one."
"What now?" Sophia asked.
"I have to get the music arranged inside and out. Daryl's lending me a hand, so I don't have anything for you, Carol."
"That's fine. Sophia and I will find something to do." She took Sophia's hands and helped her up. "If you need me, just shout."
She nodded, wiping grass off her jeans and picking up the basket before calling to Daryl for help.
They all had jobs to do before Shawn and Sasha, but the only thing that would take time was the food. The arch was set up perfectly, the chairs were decent and Beth and Daryl had gotten the sound to play outside. The living room was transformed into dance floor with vases of fresh flowers on every table, and there was even a place for pictures. The dining room was picture perfect—which made her wonder who the hell was going to take pictures since it was Shawn getting married—and everything was more or less ready by the time the cake and guests arrived.
Carol used a bobby pin to get her bangs out of her eyes, and she saw Amy in her mirror. "Amy." She smiled and turned around. "You look great."
"Thanks. So do you."
Carol had to change her dress from red to brown, because she didn't own anything red and nothing of Beth or Maggie's fit her. They were either too big or too short. "Thanks. Where's Paige?"
"Downstairs with Sophia." Amy looked self-conscious. "So, who's all coming? I saw Yumi and Glenn in the kitchen."
"Well...Mom may have invited some other people, but I can't say." Really, she couldn't bring herself to say Dale and Andrea were on their way.
"The house looks amazing," Amy said as they went downstairs. "Beth did an amazing job."
"Thanks!" Beth smiled. "We all pitched in though."
"Don't be so modest." Maggie nudged her with her elbow. "You made this happen."
"Now let's hope Shawn doesn't hate this." Beth felt nervous.
"Amy."
Amy froze as her eyes landed on Andrea. "A—Andrea?"
Andrea smiled widely and hugged her. "I'm so glad to see you."
Maggie, Beth and Carol went to keep watch for Shawn and Sasha, letting them be.
"How are you?" Andrea looked her over.
"I'm okay." Amy saw Dale behind her. "And you? How are you?"
"I missed you. I—I worried about you. What the hell happened, Amy? You just disappeared. Why?"
"Shawn and Sasha are coming any minute now. I have to go and find my seat." She hurried to leave the house, finding Sophia and Paige with Tyreese. She didn't want Andrea or Dale to know about her, but they would if she stayed. She had to leave on the ceremony was over. Carol had to understand... Did she have to keep running? Yes, she knew had to.
"Hey, Amy." Ty smiled.
"Hey." She returned it. "How are things?"
"All right. And you? You look nervous."
"Oh? I guess. I'm really happy for Shawn and your sister."
"Me too. I just hope this wasn't all for nothing."
"Why do you say that?" Carol joined them. "The whole surprise thing? It does make my stomach knot. They might hate it."
"It's not that. It's the reason why they didn't get married before."
"What reason?" Carol frowned.
"They're here!" Beth called to them then went to the front door to greet them.
"What the hell?" Shawn felt as if he shouldn't open the door.
"What?" Sasha looked his face over.
"I have a bad feeling about this." He narrowed his eyes at the closed door. "I smell cake too." He opened the front door and Beth smiled on the other side. "Did you kill the family, Bethy?"
"Come inside."
Shawn stepped inside. "Yumi baked cake. I can smell it." He turned to Beth. "Yumi only makes personal wedding cakes. You planned a surprise wedding, didn't you?"
"Damn, you're good."
"And yes, we did." Jacqui came down the stairs.
"Oh, my God. Are you serious?" Sasha looked from her mom to Beth and back again. "A wedding?"
"Yes."
"You know, I never said this enough," Shawn told Beth, "but I love when choices are taken from me. I really do."
"And I love how you avoid the main point." Annette smirked.
"Mom!" He smiled. "You're out of the hospital! This is great! How are you feeling?"
"I'd feel better if I knew my grandchild was going to be a Greene or a Douglas."
"A Greene," Sasha replied, "without a doubt."
"Well, you all know who wears the pants in our relationship." Shawn shook his head. "Can I at least propose to my girlfriend? Or are you going to do that for me as well?"
"Come upstairs when you're done," Jacqui said. "Oh, and Hershel wants to see you in his room, Shawn."
"C'mon, Beth." Annette took her hand and led her out the back door.
"Are you angry?" Sasha turned to him.
"Amused actually." He reached into his pocket and showed her black velvet box. "I was going to propose tonight at dinner."
She slowly smiled. "How romantic, especially for you. I was half-expecting a piece of paper with marry me written in Crayon."
"Damn, I have the paper in my pocket. I was gonna pass it to you at dinner."
She laughed. "Of course."
Where could he even start to explain how he felt about her? He pulled the ring out of the box. "I don't know what words I should use to express how I feel about you, and I'm not good with words as you know, so all I have to say is this: I've had you as my best friend, my lover, my fiancée, and now I want you as my wife. Will you marry me, Sasha Alexandria Douglas?"
"I will."
He slipped the ring onto her finger and kissed her. "C'mon." He led her upstairs, stopping by the door where Jacqui leaned in the doorway. "I'll marry you soon, beautiful."
She rolled her eyes, but smiled and went into the room with her mom, looking at Shawn until the door was shut.
Shawn smiled to himself. Damn, he was a lucky man, with a family that needed to be committed.
––
The ceremony was beautiful, the vows were beautiful, and it was all so sweet. Carol had to take the pictures since Beth and Annette were crying, and Maggie didn't want to, and it was just the best solution. Carol enjoyed it, and she was happy for her brother, but throughout the ceremony, her eyes kept drifting over to where Daryl sat in the back row. She had kept telling herself not to think about what happened and what it meant to her, but with all of the sweet words mentioned and the arch and the tears, it brought up so many memories. Carol wasn't sure how she felt, but she needed to talk to him. Tomorrow, she'd have to talk to him.
They were all scattered around the house, Shawn took his camera back and gave his sisters an appreciative hug, squeezing Beth so tight that she started turning blue. It was great. They were all a huge family now, and Carol had decided then and there her past was just that. She had a future before her, and it was bright.
"Smile, kid." Shawn put the camera in Carol's face.
"Hold on." She picked Sophia up. "All right."
He took a picture of the two of them then the tree of them. "Perfect. I just need a few dozen more."
"Likely." She was smiling though. "My big brother's married. I'm impressed." He snickered. "I'm proud for you and so, so happy for you."
"Thanks, kid." He smiled. "I have two beautiful little girls to take pictures of by munchkin's demand, so release this one, and I'll be on my way."
She set Sophia down and saw her mom and dad sitting in the chairs in the living room. She needed to talk to her mom once the party was over and before she went back to the hospital. She needed to or she'd feel like crap, but she would wait, because she wanted them to have time together, like old times.
"Hey."
She turned to face him. "Hey, Daryl."
"Here." He held out a champagne flute.
"Oh, I don't drink."
"It's sparkling cider."
"Oh, then thank you." She took the glass. "I hear you were supposed to be his best man. What happened?"
"I don't own a suit."
"You should've asked Daddy for one. He would've given you one of his."
He shrugged.
"Are you staying long?"
"Probably not."
"You can't leave until they cut the cake. Yumi's cakes are the best."
"Guess I'll stay till then."
She smiled. "I have to go help Beth with the dances, but I want to talk to you. Are you free tomorrow?"
"No."
"How about Sunday?"
"T don't let us work on Sunday, so yeah. Uh, I gotta do some things, but come by 'round five or six."
"I will."
"Carol." Beth grasped her elbow. "I'm sorry to tear her away, but I need her."
Daryl gave a nod before she pulled Carol away, and Daryl watched them, hidden in the background as he preferred. They were all so happy, laughing, and even the ones who had tension between them looked happy. He was glad to see this, especially from Carol and Sophia. He'd seen this family through a lot, and today was a good day. He'd gotten to see part of Carol that he feared was gone, but there she was. Beautiful, smiling, contented.
He averted his eyes and sighed. What the hell were they? And why did he feel this way? He hated feeling this way, and the only person who ever noticed was the cause of it.
– – –
"All right, all right." Carol held a hand up to stop Paige and Sophia. "Stop. I'm picking the music."
Amy pulled her hair into a high ponytail. "I'm ready to paint."
"Good. I have to repaint this entire room, because of Merle."
"That's a weird name," Paige commented. "Merle? Who names their kid Merle?"
"Don't be rude, Paige. It's...a name." Amy crossed her arms. "So, who are we listening to?"
"Ever since the wedding, I want to hear Journey and Hall and Oates."
"I know what we're listening to." She took over and flipped through the alphabetized list.
"Where's Daryl?" Sophia asked her mom.
"At work." She picked up a paint brush. "You'll see him Monday."
She sighed deeply.
"I know he's your friend, but he's not the same age as you, honey. He has to work."
"And you have me," Paige added.
"Yeah," she slowly smiled, "I do."
Amy smiled as Out Of Touch by Hall and Oates played. "Okay, let's get painting."
– – –
"Nothing?" Ed repeated. "Nothing? How the fuck do you have nothing?"
"Well, see I have nothing, because the woman you married doesn't exist. Whoever or whatever she ran from was enough to make her change her name." Phillip ran a hand through his hair. "Karen didn't know anything, but she really hates you."
Ed glared. "Because I didn't fucking know that before."
"We'll have to be patient. She'll slip up sooner or late. She may have gone to college, but that doesn't make her smart. She doesn't have anybody. She'll screw up, we'll find her, and then we'll deal with her."
He exhaled deeply. "How did this bitch even get away?"
"A crystal unicorn you gave to your daughter." He smirked.
"Don't push me. I'm in no mood." He sat down. "I've gone through everything she left, and there's nothing. She has no pictures or postcards or mail from before. She only has the shit I gave her."
"Well, Ed, I can't keep helping you. I've got a job to do, a child I need to take care of. I'll try to find out what I can, but I have a homicide case I need to give all my attention or the captain's gonna throw me out on my ass. I'm under a lot of pressure too." He leaned back in his chair. "Karen's going to Georgia next week with Milton, so I'll talk Elizabeth into going with them."
He nodded.
"Do you want to stay for dinner?"
"No, I have plans."
"Suit yourself." He took a drink from his glass as Ed rose to leave. "Why her?"
"What?" He stopped in the doorway.
"Why Carol of all the woman you could've gotten?" He looked at Ed. "You were a junior in college, and all of those girls... You never took an interest in bookworms until that ginger. Why?"
"Love?"
Phillip laughed deeply.
"I don't know. There's something about a broken woman that I guess I can't resist."
"A broken woman who gave birth to a weak child," Phillip retorted. "You should just let this go, Ed. You can have another wife, certainly another child. I've told you this again and again. Why waste your time with this woman?"
"She kidnapped my kid!"
"Kidnapping is when someone who isn't the mother takes the child. When the mother takes the child, it's called parenting." He stood up. "Jesus, Ed, I thought you were smarter than this. She's not going to come back and demand money or press charges or any-fucking-thing like that, so leave this be."
Ed snarled, "No! I will not let her run off my child! I won't let any man desperate enough to be with her raise my daughter, and I'm sure as hell not going to let her walk away after she bashed that fucking crystal into my head! She's going to pay for what she's done, I promise you that."
Phillip groaned. "Fine. I'll call some people I used to know. I had a friend down in Georgia, Shane. I'll call him and see if he can help. He's good at finding people who don't wanna be found."
"Good."
"Daddy?" Penny stood in the doorway.
"Penny." He walked around his desk and by Ed. "Baby, what is it?"
"I heard yelling. I was worried." She looked from Ed to her dad. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes, it is, baby. C'mon." He picked her up. "Let's get you back to bed.
"Hey, Uncle Eddie." She smiled at him.
"Hey, Penny." He returned it. "It's good to see you, honey. Are you all right?"
"Mm-hmm." She yawned into her hand. "Well, good night, Uncle."
"Good night, honey."
Phillip carried Penny upstairs to her bedroom, hearing Ed leave his house, and he exhaled soundlessly. He set her down. "Do you want me to tell you a story?"
She nodded.
"Once upon a time," he began, telling her favorite bedtime story that he had read to her so many times he knew them by heart. He kissed her forehead when she fell asleep halfway through tale. He tucked her in and left her room, closing the door softly behind him, the pony nightlight shining dimly in the room.
"Ed was yelling." Elizabeth was in her nightgown down the hall.
"It's about Carol and Sophia."
"Yes, I know." She crossed her arms. "That man who was shot in the hotel room... He died today. I was working my shift, and he died." She shuddered. "I can still feel his hand on mine, Phillip."
He tried to hug her, but her eyes stopped him.
"I don't know what you and Ed are always arguing about, and I don't care to know, but if this comes back to haunt us...you need to stop right now." She closed the space between them. "You're a good man, a good father, but lately...when I look at you, I don't know who I'm looking at. Neither does Penny."
He frowned.
"I love Ed. I do, but his marriage is his problem."
"I know, but—"
"Blood is blood, I understand." She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I love you, Phillip, but sooner or later you're going to have to make a choice."
He swallowed hard as she turned and walked away, his fists tightening. Goddamn it!
––
A file slammed down on Phillip's desk, and he jumped, lifting his eyes to his partner, Caesar Martinez, who gave an apologetic laugh. "Sorry, didn't mean to spoke you." He tapped the file with his pencil. "We've got a stiff one."
He nodded. "Lemme get some coffee."
"Get the hole damn pot, vato, you look beat. Long night?"
"Yes." He ran his hand across down jaw.
Cesar tucked the pencil behind his ear. "We'll catch this bastard. We always do."
He glanced at the picture of Carol, Elizabeth, Sophia and Penny. It was taken just after the girls were born, before Ed started being an asshole. He looked at Carol holding Sophia and his wife holding Penny, thinking of his wife's words. He would have to make a choice soon, but who he was going to choose, he didn't know yet.