Carol stepped away from Tyreese's kiss, letting out a nervous laugh with her palms splayed out on his strong chest to keep him at bay, and she swallowed, trying to explain why she didn't want his good night kiss. "It's not you, I swear. You're really great, but I'm just not ready to start dating yet."
He smiled much to her surprise. "Good. This entire night has been..."
"Strange?" Carol offered.
"Yes, very." She laughed with him. "I see you as a friend."
"Me too." She was relieved he felt the same way. "Wait, why did you ask me out then?"
"Sasha asked me too. I figured you needed a night out, so I asked."
"I did. I really had a good time. I would love to do this again, but as friends."
"I would like that too." He opened the door to his car.
They got into the car and began to talk. It was easy and fun, and there was no tension. They now knew where they stood with each other, and they didn't have to worry about impressing each other, it was just...easy. Tyreese was really great. He was a teacher at the local elementary school. He taught physically education, and the way he spoke told her he about care each and every one of his students. She already had plans on sending Sophia to the school where she and her siblings and friends went to school, and finding out Tyreese worked there only confirmed it her plan to send Sophia there. She knew Sophia would love him, especially now since they weren't dating. She knew where her heart belonged, where it would always belong.
She waved goodbye as he waited for her to get inside, and she opened the door, seeing darkness. No one was on the first floor. She found that odd. "Beth? Patricia?"
"Shh." Patricia was at the top of the stairs.
Carol softly climbed up the stairs, seeing what Patricia had shushed her for. Inside Beth's bedroom in a mess of stuffed animals, blankets and empty wrappers from snacks were Sophia and Beth, passed out. It brought a smile to Carol's lips as she thought about the many sleepless night when she, Maggie and Beth would all go into Beth's room—it was the furthest away from their parents and brother—and they'd watch movies and eat popcorn only to pass out about half an hour in. They'd wake up with popcorn in their hair, theirs legs and arms all tangled, and Mom taking pictures to post on her Facebook. They were embarrassing pictures, but what her friends commented on the photos made them actually feel the embarrassment, like they were little kids again.
"Did they watch every Disney movie ever created?" Carol whispered, removing her earrings.
"Probably."
"I'm not gonna lie: I totally wanted to be Tarzan when I was little. I mean, swinging from vines and playing with the animals of the forest." She got to experience some of that when she was with Daryl, and they'd go out to the woods to study and fool around. He loved the outdoors more. She pushed that to the back of her head as she noticed Patricia was wearing work clothes. "What have you been up to?"
"I've been busy myself. I've been arranging some things."
"Oh? What things?" Carol set the earrings on the dresser and removed her shoes, letting them stay where they fell on the floor in her bedroom.
"For Annette." She picked up Carol's heels and set them in her closet.
"Mom? Is she all right? I thought she was doing better." Carol's heart had stopped. "She was doing well."
"Yes. Yes, she is doing very well. She's doing so well, in fact, that she's coming home. Her doctors believe that being around her family and her personal belongings will help her more than sitting in a hospital bed, eating Jell-o."
Carol smiled. "Are you serious?"
She nodded.
"Mom's coming home." A million thoughts ran through her mind. "We have to make her favorite dinner, and—and I'll clean her room. I'll wash Dad's sheets, so they'll be clean and smell fresh. Oh, my God, we have—"
"Carol, calm down."
"Sorry. I got excited." She blushed a little. "Gosh, this is so perfect. Well, only if you and Otis were moving in too. It'd be perfect then."
"Who else is going to take care of Annette and help Hershel in the fields now that Shawn's moved out?"
"You—you guys are moving back in?"
"Yes. After all that's happened, Otis and Hershel agreed that fight wasn't worth destroying a lifetime friendship. We'll be staying in Shawn's room. I just have to disinfect it from corner to corner. Lord knows that boy wasn't blessed with ability to clean."
She laughed. "You can say that again."
"I just pray Sasha tends to their child. Or hires a nanny."
"Shawn's actually good with kids. Not cleaning or cooking or anything other than photography, but he's good with kids."
"I don't doubt it, but he can be lazy." She shook her head. "It's late anyhow. Get to bed."
"I'm not a kid, Patricia."
"I know, but you still need sleep. Go wash up."
"All right."
She abruptly pulled Carol into a hug, Carol blinked, but accepted the hug. Patricia stopped hugging them before they went to bed long before Carol, Shawn and her mom moved into Hershel's house. What the hell was this hug for? Did she really just want to hug Carol? How strange. Carol loved hugs, but this was just...odd.
"Ummm...Patricia?" Carol asked. "Is—is everything all right?"
"Of course." She released Carol. "I just missed you so much, sweetheart."
"I missed you too." Carol smiled a little. "I'm going to bed now since it's so late."
Patricia rolled her eyes. "Well, good night then."
"Night." Carol closed the door after her then headed to the bathroom. She removed her dress, hanging it up and turning on the hot water to wash her face. She set her rings and bracelets on the counter then washed and dried her face. She slipped into a nightshirt and went to bed, finding the little pink Ethan bear in the middle of her mattress.
Scooping it up, she rubbed her thumbs over its belly, feeling the beads inside shift, and she smiled. Yes, she knew exactly where her heart belonged.
– – –
Carol poked her head into the closet where Daryl was working on the wiring to install a light. "Well, I just dropped Sophia off at school, so it's just the two of us." She watched as he put a screwdriver in his mouth to avoid talking to her, and she almost frowned. "I brought that toolbox from T-dog's shop like you asked. Do you want me to go get it? I left it in the kitchen on the island."
"Nah."
"Did I do something to piss you off in the past three seconds?" He said nothing. "Or do you just not want to talk to me?"
"You catch on real quick, don't you?" He climbed down and tossed the screwdriver onto the bed, crouching down and working on the doorknob. It'd be jamming for the past two days, and he'd been trying to fix it, but he was annoyed and pissed. He couldn't find his focus on days like these.
"What's with the attitude?" She bent down beside him, but he didn't look at her. "Daryl?"
He pretended to be focused on his work.
"Is this about Tyreese?" She saw a muscle in his jaw jump. "Oh, my God! Daryl, are you kidding me?" She stood up and walked toward the door then faced him.
"Am I supposed to be happy?" He glared.
"You said you were okay with it!"
"Well, I lied!"
"You lied to me? Why?" She searched his face. "If I am okay with you dating then you sure as hell should be all right with me dating."
"I ain't datin'! That woman came onto me! I don't even know her goddamn name!"
"You didn't deny dating her," she shot back.
"Like you gave me a chance."
"Don't put this on me!" she shouted. "I only went out on a date. That's all I did, and you're pissed? What the hell, Daryl? It was just one freaking dinner. We talked, ate and occasionally I flirted with him, but it was friendly. The whole damn date was friendly!"
"I know he kissed you."
"How do you know that?" She glared. "You followed me?"
"Tsk, no! I could give two shits where you go, or who with!"
"Then why are you being an ass? It was just a friendly dinner. We didn't even have wine or talk about anything but Sasha and Shawn and what Tyreese does for a living!" She sighed. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"
"Because I—" he cut off "—don't like Ty. I don't know him very well, and I don't know if I trust him to take care of you. Of Sophia."
"What a load of crap! You and Tyreese are like brothers! He told me so himself! You work too close with T-dog to not know his kids on a personal level!" She moved into the closet to try and see his face from that angle. "Tell me the truth, Daryl."
"Tsk!"
"Oh, great comeback! Exhaling!"
"Oh, fuck you!" He gave her a dark glare. "I ain't gonna deal with this shit!" He left the room, slamming the door so hard the room shook.
She turned away from the door of the closet, covering her mouth to swallow a whimper that was rising in her throat, and she tried calming herself. Daryl could be so petulant sometimes. She was so very tired of fighting, but he didn't understand. She suffered too.
She knew Daryl probably thought she moved on the minute she left town, no matter what she told him, and she knew Daryl thought she didn't care anymore. That wasn't true at all. She loved him deeply and would die to protect him, now and then. She died every single morning she woke up alone in that dorm room, and she always had to talk herself into staying, to not jump on the first available bus and run back home. She had to be strong, but if he knew even half of what she went through... If she knew half of what he went through...of what everyone here went through...
– – –
Carol opened the door to her dorm room and looked around. This was her new home for the next four years or so. She was going to buy an apartment when she could afford to. She didn't want to stay here and cry herself to sleep with a roommate two feet away. She wanted to be alone, but alone with him...
She set her bags on the bed, pulling her hair up into a messy ponytail, and she began to unpack, not wanting to linger on her thoughts. The more she did stuff, the less she thought about it. She wasn't going to think about it. She couldn't wait for classes to start, so she didn't have to think about him or her family. She could just jump into her studies and never leave them. She was to scared to think about what happened when she graduated. There were just too many options.
She closed the full drawer and opened another, pulling her hair down as it was coming loose. She was about to put it back up when she saw a shirt in her suitcase. She slowly reached down and picked it up, seeing the worn green and black plaid. It wasn't a shirt she would wear to class or wear here to clean up. It wasn't even her shirt. It was too big for her with little holes here and there, and it smelled just like him. It was Daryl's shirt.
Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violence
Just run with me through rows of speeding cars
Tears clouded her vision as the hole she'd ripped into her heart the second this idea came into her head swallowed her heart entirely, and she collapsed, burying her face in the shirt as her entire body shook. God, what had she done to him? After all they'd been through, after all her promises... He's going to wake up and expect to see her in the kitchen, drinking tea and working on that scholarship essay, but she won't be there. The kitchen will be empty and dark. He'll wake up alone, and he'll assume she went to class. He won't even see it coming, will he?
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
I know you think it's more than just bad luck
Shawn sat in the dark on the floor of his bedroom, staring at the light a the bottom of his door, his elbows on his upraised knees. He'd been in here for God only knew how long. He was so pissed and so distraught. Everything was shit.
He checked the mailed today and found a letter from Sasha. He opened it to find the engagement ring inside along with all the memory cards from his cameras he'd left over there over the years. He threw them against the wall. He would rather she break every piece of equipment he left than send him back the ring. He wanted her to keep it, but he knew—he knew—she wouldn't. She didn't want anything that reminded her of him. She was that type of person.
Damn, he'd never missed someone so much in his entire life. It'd only been...what? A month? Barely. He wanted to see her beautiful face, to hear her voice, to touch her with even a handshake, but whenever he tried to see her at the station, the guys wouldn't let him by. They had her back, and he was lucky not to have his entire body broken into small pieces. Those men were her brothers, and they all hated him now. He didn't blame them; he hated himself.
Sasha was everything he ever wanted, and it was all in one woman. She was the only person in the entire world who made him feel like...he could do anything and everything he set his mind to. She was the person he could tell anything, no matter how silly, and just laugh about it without feeling like he'd made a fool of himself. She made the pain of losing Carol bearable. She made him...better than he was, so why the hell did he cheat? Why would he do that to her?
All because of that fucking Lovelace bitch and himself. It was so easy too. He didn't remember all of it, but it came back in bits and pieces, and it was so ridiculous how easy it was to destroy a relationship that he spent years building. If she ever gave him a second chance, he'd sooner die than cheat on her again.
And now, to top it all off, Mom was sick. She was in the hospital and dying and here he was. He made a promise to his dad to always protect Carol and his mom, and look how well he has done. Carol was gone. She could be dead in a gutter or living well—he'd probably never know. Mom was dying, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to help her. He could only wait.
There, there baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Beth was on the cold, hard floor of her bathroom, staring at the wall with her back against the cast-iron tub behind her. She kept reading the paper, like she could will the words to change, but they weren't changing. They were staring at her, almost mocking her.
All of her life she'd done so much to help other people, and she tried to make up for all of her selfish, childish moments. She wanted so badly to be a good person, and she knew she was. She was a good person. She just...was damned, it seemed.
Now, now darling
Oh don't lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
Maggie had her back against the door to her mom's hospital room, watching the doctors walk by, and she pulled her legs in tighter. She felt the cold of the door behind her seep through her tank top, but she didn't mind. It was something to focus on. She didn't want to think about how everything was fucked up right now. She didn't want to think about what could happen if she opened that door and went inside.
She had to be strong for Daddy's sake and Beth's. She had to be the rock. She couldn't let them down. Shawn was already broken over what happened with Ethan and Carol and now Sasha and their mom. He wasn't going to be able to be there for her or them, so it was up to her to be there for them. She could do that. She was already strong enough for herself; now she had to be strong for all of them. At least for a little while.
And you know I love you yeah
Sleeping pills know
Sleeping dogs lie never far enough away
Beth let the paper flutter to floor. She was a good person, and she'd done a lot of selfless things. She'd been told many times this or that couldn't have been done without her help. She was always glad to lend a hand, really. So why? What did she do to deserve this?
Carol was a great person. She took care of them whenever Daddy or Ma were sick. She always made sure they had everything they needed. She would spend hours with Mag or Shawn to make sure they all had a way to get home, and she would even go as far as packing lunches. She was the best big sister. Beth could still hear her reading stories to her at night whenever Mom had to stay late at the Greene Leaf. Carol was always there for her, no matter how much they fought, and now she's...gone. After what happened, Beth would want to be gone too. Carol didn't deserve that. If Beth could have done something...but there was nothing anybody could have done.
Mom was sick in the hospital. It was so strange to see her so still. Beth watched her for hours, it seemed, wondering why she was so still, so pale, so fragile. Annette was strong, and she raised all of them to be strong as well. She was such a good mother. Beth always wanted to be half the mother she was, if not all. Annette always told her since she was the youngest, she'd have to live in a lot of shadows, but to be strong and know that she wasn't them. She was Beth and could only ever be Beth and to make the best of everything she was passionate about.
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
Maggie's eyes filled with tears as guilt ate at her. She always made sure Daddy and Mom ate healthy. It was her one daily obsession. She'd always made sure they had enough protein and vitamins in their diet. She wanted them to be healthy, especially Annette. She knew Daddy was as healthy as horse, and she wanted to make sure Annette was just as healthy.
She sobbed, lifting a shaky hand to wipe her nose. She didn't want to lose another mother, not like she'd lost Jo. She loved her mother so much, and she loved Annette so much, and she didn't want to them share the same fate, not so soon. She took care of Annette, so why...?
Maggie had been chopping vegetables for dinner that night, telling Annette about her day, making her laugh to try and take her mind off of Carol and Shawn. It had been going so well, and it was all normal. It had been a great day, and Maggie had been laughing with Annette over something silly. She'd just turned around for a second to grab an onion from the basket Daddy had left, and when she turned back around, Annette was on the floor of the kitchen. It took just one second...
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this
Carol walked back to her dorm room, rubbing at her sore shoulder. She'd had the worst day ever. She slept too late, got kicked out of class because she was late, she hadn't eaten since last night, and she'd been feeling sick all week. She just wanted to curl up in bed and never, ever move again. She was so exhausted. If Karen was still there and she hadn't cleaned up that mess of burger wrappers, Carol was going to throw up on her bed. She seriously would.
She opened the door and Karen threw her arms out, exclaiming, "Ta da!"
Carol smirked. "Is this the way we're greeting each other now? I...like it?"
"Ha ha. I cleaned!" She smiled. "Be impressed."
"I am. You know a broom and trashcan are for." She set her books down on her desk. "Good job, Karen."
"Don't be an ass. I worked really hard to clean this mess up. I think there was something growing underneath my bed."
"I told you to clean or I'd throw up on your bed." Carol crossed her arms. "You were also free today, so it's kinda your responsibility to clean, especially since I'm sick."
"How do you feel today?"
"Very queasy." She shrugged. "I'll be all right. I'll get a ginger ale, lie down and not move for the rest of the night."
"Well, you can do that now in a clean room. Do you smell that?"
"Lysol?" Carol teased.
"Yes. No more...whatever smell that was in here before. We'll never talk about this, okay?"
"Deal." Carol laughed. "So, what else did you do?"
"I'm working on my laundry, but other than that I cleaned this entire room. I even cleaned your side."
Now's a bad a time as any whoa
Carol tensed. "With Lysol?"
"Yeah." Karen noticed the look on Carol's face, and she frowned. "W—why? What is it?"
"No, no, no, no." Carol crawled onto her bed and tossed the pillows aside, finding the plush pillow that was nestled underneath the crappy ones she didn't care for. This pillow was the only pillow that she really slept with. It smelled like Daryl, and she could pretend, if only for a few hours, she was in his arms, and everything was all right.
But now the scent of artificial mountain springs had taken over Daryl's comforting scent. It brought tears to her eyes. She may have become friendly with Karen, but she still felt like a stranger here. She could feel other people talking about her and teasing her sometimes, but when she was in bed, she felt like she was at home. She felt safe and accepted, and everything was all right. Now that was gone.
"Carol, what is it?" Karen frowned.
"I told you: don't clean my side of the room." Her voice was practically nonexistent.
"I know, but I figured... I thought you'd like your side to be clean since you've been feeling crappy, so I cleaned it. I thought—I was helping.. Clean the germs, you know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...hurt you." She lowered herself down beside Carol. "I'm so sorry."
"It's ruined." She curled up. It's all she had left of him. His shirt had been washed by accident, but it needed to be washed. She was hoping the scent in the pillow would linger until she was able to stand on her feet, but now...she was forced to stand alone. Daryl wasn't there. He would never be at her side again.
"Carol, don't—don't cry." Karen felt her heart break as Carol broke down. She'd been sharing a room with Carol for a few weeks now, and she knew something happened in her past, but she didn't push. She wanted Carol to tell her when she was ready, not before, and now she hurt Carol, because she didn't know. Perhaps she needed to push a little.
"Please, leave me alone," Carol whimpered. "Please."
Karen stood up and walked over to the door, stopping in the doorway, glancing back, and she dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry." She left the room.
There, there baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Her own body had betrayed her. She would never be able to have kids of her own. Adoption was an option, yes, but she would never feel her child growing, never feel it kick or—or move. She knew blood didn't make a family; love did. She had a bond with Annette that was the same to the bond she had with her own birth mother, and Annette was her step-mother. She knew that she could still feel that bond with an adopted child, but it was never carrying a child that really upset her. All she'd ever wanted was a child, and now...she knew that would never happen. Adoption could take years.
She looked at her reflection, seeing her mother looking back at her. All of her life she'd been in somebody's shadow: her mom's, Maggie's, Carol's, Annette's even. She wasn't good enough as she was, or that's how it made her feel. She was a person with feelings who made mistakes. Just because she wasn't exactly like her siblings didn't mean she wasn't good enough. Yes, she wasn't Carol. She wasn't Maggie. She was Beth, and she was a mess.
Now, now darling
Oh don't kill yourself
She'd been fighting her entire life to get out of someone's shadow and to focus on her goals, but now... Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing! She tossed everything that was on the counter off onto the floor, panting as anger burned through her. She was tired of shit just happening around her. Mom dying, Daddy loving and marrying Annette, Carol losing Ethan and leaving, Shawn cheating on Sasha, Ma getting sick, and Maggie not leaving the hospital. They were all there in her life, but it just happened. She was tired of life just happening around her. She needed to stop trying to be everyone else. She wasn't like Carol or Maggie or her moms. She never would be, and it was time she accepted that.
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you yeah
Shawn pushed himself up, sick of all this self-pity. He took a shower and changed, heading down the stairs then out the front door. He had four very important woman he needed to see, and he wasn't going to sit on his ass while they suffered. He had to let them know how important they were to him, and he was going to need fresh flowers for one of them. He knew his baby sister well, and Mom's room will be filled with flowers.
It's okay by me
It's okay by me
Maggie wiped her nose and exhaled, the floor numbing her ass, and she sniffled. She was tired of crying. She hated just sitting around and crying. She wanted to make a difference; that's why she was becoming a cop. So why was she sitting here, crying when she could be inside reading Annette's favorite book to her? Talking to Annette about her day?
She saw Shawn at the end of the hall, and he walked over to her, offering her his hand, and she took it, letting him haul her to her feet. She embraced him the minute she was on her feet, and he held her tight, glad to see she was better just as she was glad to see him out and about again. They didn't grow up together and yet they were so similar, all of them.
He released her and spotted Beth at the end of the hall with a vase of flowers, and she joined them, smiling. They spoke for a moment, learning no one had gone inside the room since they first came here to see Annette, and they all went in together, smiling as Annette rolled her head to the side and smiled at them.
It's okay by me
It was a long time ago
Karen returned to the room, hoping Carol felt better, because she felt like the world's biggest ass for hurting Carol. She often thought of Carol like a glass doll on the very edge of a shelf—at any sudden movement, it would fall off the shelf and shatter into a million little pieces. She wondered what could've happened to her.
Opening the door slowly, Karen peeked in and saw Carol curled up in bed, cuddling a bear to her chest, very still. She entered and lowered herself down on her knees beside Carol's bed, resting her arms on the bed and offering her a smile.
"How do you feel?"
"I don't know." Her voice was thick, like she'd been crying the entire time. Karen hadn't seen her like this since that first night. "I don't think I feel anything anymore."
Karen gripped her hand. "I am so sorry, but could you tell me why I feel like scum of the earth over a pillow?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Maybe you need to."
"I don't want to." She sniffed. "Not yet anyway."
"All right, I can live with that." Karen hugged her, and it was probably the big sister in her that made her so protective of Carol. "Oh, my little freshman."
"Oh, shut up." Carol couldn't laugh, but she felt a little better. She needed a hug, and she needed to get it into her mind that she wasn't alone. She had Karen. She had a very good friend.
It's okay by me
It was a long time ago
– – –
Once she'd calmed down, she lowered her hands and opened her eyes. She found herself in darkness and sniffed. The door must have closed after Daryl slammed the bedroom door like a drama queen. She turned and felt out the knob, grasping it and twisting it open.
Only it didn't open.
She frowned and tried again and again and again. She even tried turning it in the opposite direction, but it still didn't open. Panic filled her, consuming her oxygen, and she began to pant in fear. "No, God. No, no, no, no." She couldn't be trapped in here. She couldn't be stuck here. Not in a small, dark closet. Not in a closet. "Daryl!"
She began to pound on the door. "Daryl! Daryl!" She was screaming at the top of her lungs, trying desperately to get him to come and open the door, but she didn't even know if he was in the house. He might have left and went to blow off some steam by getting a drink or by getting into a fight. He might even pick up a woman. She might be trapped in here for hours.
"Daryl, please!"
In the back of her mind, she could hear water dripping and smell rotten paint. Whenever Ed wanted to punish her, but didn't want to dirty his hands, he'd toss her into the closet in the basement, sometimes for days. She would scream and pound on the door for help, hoping he'd get annoyed and finally let her out or that someone outside would hear her pleas and get her out of that hell hidden behind fake smiles and perfect lawns, but no one ever did. It was only later when she decided to leave him did she discover the basement was soundproof. He had bought that house with the intention of locking her down there.
"Daryl!" she screamed, feeling tears in her eyes. "Please! Daryl! Let me out! Let met out!" She slammed her fists into the door. "Daryl!"
The door was too solid for her to break it down, but she was too panicked to stop herself from beating on the door, trying to get someone's attention, feeling warm blood on her palms.
"DARYL!"
––
Daryl walked through town, the wind rustling his hair, and he was calming himself down. He didn't mean to go off on her like that. He never meant to go off on her, but it always ended up happening. He wasn't sure why, but he needed to stop. It wasn't her fault Tyreese found her attractive. It wasn't her fault he was too much of a pussy to tell her he loved her so damn much it hurt when she was around and he couldn't have her.
If he hadn't met her, his life would've been so much simpler. He wouldn't have had to mourn the loss of his son. He wouldn't have had to see so much love from the people around him. He wouldn't had to have everyone look at him like he was broken after she skipped town. He wouldn't have to know if he might have a child that was alive.
If it wasn't for that damn bus...
– – –
It was the first day of fifth grade, and Carol had to ride the bus, because her dad had to work, and Mom had to take Shawn to the dentist. She didn't want to miss the first day—a young overachiever as Andrea called her—and she hated the dentist office, so she decided to ride the bus. She hoped it wasn't too bad. Lori rides the bus from time to time, and the kids on her bus throw paper and spare change and Crayons. She had a plan: find a seat and never move until the bus stopped at school.
Once the bus arrived, Carol climbed in, nearly falling on her face as the bus driver didn't wait until she found seat. She hurried to the seat behind him and sat down, placing her bag beside her. She kept her eyes out the window, glancing over from time to time to see if anyone from her class rode this bus. She didn't have any luck. Only high schoolers and little kids got on. She was too young to talk to the high schoolers and too old to talk to the little kids. It sucked.
Whatever you do, I'll do it too
Show me everything and tell me how
It all means something
And yet nothing to me
About ten minutes away from the elementary school, a boy got onto the bus, pushed her backpack aside and sat down. She took her backpack and set it in her lap, and she noticed the boy wouldn't look at her. She looked at him, however. He was around her age, she could tell, but she could only see dark hair that covered his face and his chapped lips.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out lip balm, holding it out to him.
He glanced over at her, but said nothing.
"Here, for your chapped lips."
"Don't want it," he muttered.
"Just take it. I have another." She practically poked him with it.
He reluctantly reach over and took the tube. "Uh, thanks."
"It's nothing. I get chapped lips all the time." She smiled at him. "I'm Carol Harrison."
"Er, Daryl Dixon."
"It's nice to meet you, Daryl Dixon."
I can see there's so much to learn
It's all so close and yet so far
I see myself as people see me
Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there
Carol took a seat on the bus, pulling her hood up and tossing her legs onto the seat so no one would try and push their way into the it. She slept peacefully to the bus engine, used to it after riding almost all fifth grade year. She wasn't bothered by the kids anymore either. They were always quiet-ish in the morning since they were tired, and this was a great time to get some shuteye.
She felt someone nudge her legs, so she opened her eyes and found Daryl standing over her. She smiled sleepily and moved her feet, and he plopped down beside her, getting as comfortable as he could get and closing his eyes.
She poked his arm gently, he opened his eyes, and she held out a granola bar, and he took it, eating it with his eyes closed, and she smirked, leaning back and closing her eyes to get a few more minutes of sleep before school.
I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these strangers like me
Carol smoothed lip gloss over her lips, feeling her older brother watching her, and she closed the lip gloss. "Why are you staring at me?"
"Have your eyes always been so blue?"
She snorted a laugh. "Dad took the coffee to work with him, I see."
"Yes, he did. I am half-dead today." He yawned loudly. "I'm going to sleep in first. Screw trig."
"Why sleep in class? You'll miss important notes and fail the class."
"Well, it's either Mr. Baker bores me to sleep or he bores me to death. I'd rather sleep in first, not die, but if you really want me to die—"
"Oh, shut up!" She hit him. "I don't want you to die."
He laughed. "Thanks, kid."
"I'm not a kid. Stop calling me that."
"Uh, seventh grader," he pointed to her then to himself, "sophomore. You're a kid."
She stuck her tongue out at him and got onto the bus as he called her a kid for sticking her tongue. She took her usual seat as Shawn went to the back with his friends, and she propped her knees up on the seat in front of her. She thought over the answers to the test they had in first today, and she wondered if their teacher had made it any harder. She found those tests boring and easy, and Daryl just glared at her and cheated off her too. She didn't mind.
Tell me more, please show me
Somethings familiar about these strangers like me
Daryl slid into the spot beside her, giving her a nod, and she reached into her purse, pulling out a baggie of brownies she'd made for the first day of school. He laughed a little at her, and she blushed, but she was glad to hear his laugh. She wanted to see his smile, because he had such nice teeth—not like her crooked, braced teeth— but he never smiled. One day, she would get a smile out of him. One day.
Every gesture, every move that she makes
Makes me feel like never before
Why do I have
This growing need to be beside her
Daryl could hear Merle and his dad going at it in the house as he waited for the bus, and he ignored them, seeing the bus. He felt himself smiling a little at the thought of seeing Carol, but he stopped himself. They'd been riding the bus together for three years, and he didn't need to feel happy to see her. He saw her every goddamn day, so why did he always feel like this before he saw her?
He climbed the steps and saw her texting, but the minute he stepped onto the bus, she looked up and gave him that wide smile. He blushed, so he ducked his head and sat beside her. He splayed his hands on the seat, feeling Carol's hand just beside his, and he felt her hand move on top of his, and for a second, he wanted to grab it and keep a hold of it.
But Carol moved her hand instantly, apologizing about squashing his hand, and he shook his head. It was no big deal anyhow. He never would admit it, but he liked when she did that, even it if was accidental.
Oh, these emotions I never knew
Of some other world far beyond this place
"Oh, my feels." Shawn faked tears. "Carol's a freshie."
She rolled her eyes. She was already nervous about being a freshmen, and he wasn't helping by calling her that. She wasn't scared to be going into high school, which could not be said for her mother who worry-ate her way through a tub of ice cream, two bags of cubed cheese and a pack of cookies. She was glad to get this experience finally. Plus, she had Lori, Mag, and Andrea in most of her classes all year, and she had her very best friend in all her classes. She was so going to have to tutor Daryl. She was taking a lot of AP classes, and Daryl was smart, but he could be lazy. "Shut up, Shawn."
"Fine." He tossed his bag into Andy's backseat. "Do you wanna a ride, kid? Andy won't mind."
She blushed. She had the biggest crush on Andy, but she had someone waiting for her. She wasn't going to abandon him for a hot guy. A really hot guy. "Nah, but thanks." She hugged him. "Good luck."
"I'm getting a job, not going off to war."
"Still good luck. You'll need it. Lord knows you make a bad first impression." He glared as she waved and got onto the bus.
Beyond the trees, above the clouds
Oh, I see before me a new horizon
Daryl spotted the bus and hurried onto it as Merle came barreling out of the trailer. He slipped into their seat as Carol smiled warmly at him, glancing at her and he did a once over. She was wearing new jeans and loose color-block blouse with a beanie and scarf. He noticed she wore a little makeup that accentuated her eyes and lips, her long red hair spilled in curls down the front of her blouse over breasts she didn't really have in eighth grade, and he noticed how the jeans hung on her hips.
Damn, this girl was gorgeous.
She turned to face him and smiled. "Nervous?"
He shrugged. "Nah."
"I'm nervous excited." She rubbed her hands on her jeans. "We're going into the last four years of mandatory school. That's a little sad."
"You're so damn weird."
She blushed. "I'm glad to have you in my classes."
Now he blushed. "Whatever."
She took his hand and held it in both of hers, looking out the window.
Now, Daryl was nervous.
I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these strangers like me
"Doubling up?" Carol groaned. "I hate doubling up."
"Fuckin' bratty kids and arrogant assholes," Daryl agreed.
"I can't even walk home, because I live a thousand miles away." She sat down on the ground beside him. "I need a car. I almost have enough saved up, so this time next year, I'm driving us to school."
He smirked. "Deal."
"I wish there was something we could do to past the time." She sighed.
"Got some ideas."
"I will not make out in front of half the student body."
"Tsk, not that." He grabbed her book and hauled her up. "C'mon."
"Uh, Daryl, where are we doing? I have a bus to catch and a test to study."
"Just trust me. You already got a four-point-oh, so don't worry 'bout the test tomorrow."
"Well, I do worry."
He met her eyes. "Trust me, all right?"
"All right." She laced her fingers through his. "Where to?"
Tell me more, please show me
Somethings familiar about these strangers like me
"Daryl, you're killing me." Carol almost fell—again—in the dirt.
"Keep up, woman."
"I'm in flip flops, Daryl Dixon, so do not tell me to "keep up, woman"." She glared. "I have slipped too many damn times to count, so maybe you should slow down!"
He turned around, walked over to her and she thought he was going to snap back, but instead, he bent down, picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. She gasped, grasping at his jacket, and he chuckled. She tugged her skirt to keep from flashing the universe—and him—and she smacked his leg.
"You unbelievable ass!" She held her skirt in place. "Put me down!"
"Nah."
"Daryl, please? Please, put me down. This is so embarrassing. I'm in a skirt for the love of God."
"I can see."
"What?!"
He chuckled softly. "Not that, but if you keep squirmin', I might."
"I loathe you. It's official."
He dropped her book then her on the ground, she glared at him, sitting up, but he lowered himself down on top of her, and she met his eyes before he grasped her cheeks and kissed her. "You all right? Didn't hurt you, did I?"
"No." She wiped the dirt off her hands. "No, I'm fine."
"Good." He sealed her mouth with his.
Come with me now to see my world
Where there's beauty beyond your dreams
They sat in the back of Daryl's trunk with blankets underneath them, studying for the ACT, and true to her word: they were driving now. Carol's car was with Shawn since his was in the shop, getting something done. She didn't care to remember. She was too focused on passing the ACT. However, Daryl didn't care. He was annoyed by it.
"What the hell?! What does an octopus sittin' on a damn—"
"Daryl." She couldn't take it anymore. "Please, stop yelling. I know you hate studying, but please, for my sake, stop."
He lied back, using the book as a pillow. "When you said you wanted to go to the woods, I thought you had something different in mind."
She smirked at him over her shoulder. "Wanna screw around?"
"Pfft." He rolled his eyes. Damn tease.
She leaned over to whisper in his head, "I'll let you go down first."
He glared. "Stop."
She giggled, and he let out a short laugh at the sound of her laugh. "Fine. I'll make it up to you. Later." She crossed her legs and wrote down an answer in her notepad.
Can you feel the things I feel
Right now, with you
Daryl watched her study, the wind blowing her curls into her face, and he noticed she only wore a tank top underneath her cardigan. He pushed himself up and moved behind her, sweeping her hair to the side, and he felt her shrug, trying to tell him to stop without actually speaking.
He kissed her neck, she let out a soft moan, and he trailed kisses down to her shoulder. He could tell by the way her pencil no longer tapped against the book that she had lost interest in studying, and he pushed the strap to her top down with teeth, seeing her close eyes.
She turned her head and kissed him, the book falling in between their legs as she curled her arm around his neck, shifting to be on top of him. She ran her fingers through his hair, gripping soft strands, and she straddled him, her ACT no longer in her mind.
He rolled her underneath him, grazing his hand down her leg and slipping his tongue into her mouth; hearing her soft moans and grasping her cheek, her skin soft on his palm. He loved the feel her skin. He wanted to feel all of her skin against his, but he would wait until she was ready.
He pushed her shirt up, kissing her stomach, and her breaths came out in whooshes. He grasped her hips and ran his tongue over her belly button. He glanced up to see her eyes were closed and her hands were gripping his tightly. He placed one last kiss on her stomach then kissed her on the lips.
Take my hand
There's a world I need to know
– – –
That evening, Merle saw Daryl's truck in the driveway along with someone else's car, and he headed inside. He was about to grab a beer from the fridge, but he heard muffled screaming. It wasn't a scream of a woman in the throes, and he heard a banging sound.
He hurried up the stairs and to Daryl's bedroom. He saw the closet door shaking as someone pounded on it, locked inside. He knew it was Carol. He knew her voice, so he hurried and opened the door. It didn't give easy, so he grabbed one of the tools off Daryl's bed and forced it open. He stepped back as she fell out of the closet, crying with blood caking her hands.
"The hell?" He crouched down. "Carol?"
"Thank God." She sniffed, wiping her nose.
"You're bleedin'. What the hell were you doin'?"
"Ed—Daryl—" She stopped, shaking. "The door jammed. I couldn't get out."
"Ed, huh?" He shook his head. "You needa get cleaned up. Sit."
She sat on the bed while he went into the bathroom and wet a washrag with disinfectant, grabbed a dry washrag and bandages. He returned and began cleaning off her hands. She winced. "What are you doing here?"
"Came here to check on Daryl. Know where he is?"
"No. We got into a fight, he left, and I got locked in the closet." She sniffed. "Thank you. I know you aren't very fond of me, but thank you."
"Well, Daryl loves you, and Daryl is my brother, so I gotta care," he muttered.
"Daryl doesn't love me." She licked her lips.
"Have you seen the boy?" He met her eyes. "He loves you. Hell if I know why."
She shrugged.
"So, Ed used to lock you in a closet?" He wiped blood from her right hand now.
"N—no. No, of course not."
"You said Ed first. I know he was abusive. Daryl might not, but I can tell."
She dropped her head. "Yes... Ed used to lock me in a closet." She began to tell him about the abuse, oddly finding it easy to talk to Merle. Talking to Amy was hard, but she felt like Merle understood. Growing up with Mason, she knew he did. She felt the burden lighten as she told him, flexing her fingers through the bandages. Who would ever have thought Carol would find a confidant in Merle?
He shook his head. "Son of a bitch." He set the rags onto Daryl's nightstand.
"Yes." She nodded. "He is a son of a bitch."
"You tell Daryl?"
"No! And don't you tell him either, please! He'll try to do something stupid, like find Ed and make him pay for what he did to me. I don't need Daryl to be my knight. I don't need a knight. I need my family, so please don't tell him."
"I ain't gonna tell, but you are."
"Excuse me?"
"This friendship you two are tryin' to cultivate ain't gonna work if you don't tell him. One of these days, Daryl's gonna snap and do something that reminds you of Ed. You know that, and however you react will scar Daryl. You know that too." She averted her eyes. "Don't do that to him. Tell him. You want to, I can tell."
"How do I tell him that my husband abused me for four years?" She shook her head. "I won't."
"You will."
"No, I won't! You can't pressure me into—Oh my God, Sophia!" She shot up. "Oh, shit! Shit!" She ran downstairs. "Do you have a phone? Amy probably took her home when I didn't show."
"Yeah." He caught up to her and thought about it. She'd have trouble driving with her hands. He hated him brother sometimes, but he wouldn't risk making Sophia motherless or seeing Daryl and Carol lose another child because Carol's hands started to hurt at the wrong moment. "I'll drive."
"You will?"
"Don't make me change my mind." He handed her his phone.
"Thank you, Merle." She took the phone and called Amy's number as they got into the car. She waited patiently for Amy to answer while Merle drove to her apartment, Carol gesturing which way with her hand—which burned like freaking hell—but Merle knew where Amy lived. He hated that she lived in the shit part of town, especially since she's clean now. Why the hell would she tempt herself by living with drug dealers and crackheads?
Carol lowered the phone, heart racing. "Amy's not answering her phone."
"She might be busy."
"No, Amy always answers on the first or second ring when she has Sophia." She didn't like the fear swirling in her stomach. What would keep Amy from answering the phone? What kept Paige and Sophia from answering?
Merle punched the gas. He didn't like what ideas were popping into his head. He wasn't too fond of Carol nor did he owe her, but he wasn't going to let anything happened to that kid or Amy. He had her back when she was using, and he had it know. He knew what a bitch-ass Tomas could be, and he wasn't going to let Amy and Sophia suffer because of the shit he did.
They arrived at her apartment building twenty minutes later, Carol ran up the stairs with Merle on her heels, and they hurried to her apartment. The door was ajar, Merle told Carol to stay back, and he heard Amy cry out in pain.
He burst through the door and found Tomas standing over Amy. "Get the fuck away from her."
Amy scrambled back, trying to get away, but Tomas grabbed her hair and jerked her back, pulling out a knife and holding it to her throat. "We have unfinished business, so excuse us."
Carol looked around for something to throw at him to distract him long enough for Amy to get away, but Carol and Merle didn't have to do anything. Paige came out of the kitchen and stabbed Tomas in the leg with a knife, and as he cried out, arms at the knife sticking out of his thigh, Amy grabbed Paige and ran back towards the bedrooms.
Merle bashed his face into the wall, knocking him unconscious, and he told Carol to call the police, which she was already doing. He went to the back to check on Amy and Sophia, but he found two little girls in the room with her. He wondered when she became a damn babysitter.
"You all right?" He looked over her face, seeing a busted lip and the echo of a black eye. She had a few cuts on her arms, but they appeard to be shallow.
"I'll be fine." She turned to the girls. "Go get Carol, okay, girls?"
"But—" Paige protested.
"No, sweetie, go. Go out to the car, and I'll be down shortly. I promise."
Paige took Sophia's hand and went to Carol, who took them downstairs to wait for the police.
He reached out and grasped her chin, lifting it to see bruises on her neck. "Bitch-ass punk. I oughta bash his face in."
"He'll get his."
"Damn straight." He dropped his hand. "Girl's got guts of steel."
She smiled. "She takes after her daddy." She crossed her arms.
"Good. She saved two lives today. If he woulda killed you, I'd have fuckin' killed him."
"I'm not yours to protect anymore, Merle. I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself."
"Then why the hell do you live in this shithole?"
"I don't anymore." She met his eyes. "I'm gonna go downstairs, wait for the paramedic and see if Tomas did any real damage."
He nodded. "I'll be right down."
"Don't do anything stupid, Merle." She grabbed her keys. "Please, I don't want you in jail."
"I don't plan on goin' back."
She nodded then smiled. "Thank you."
"Anytime, girl."
She headed downstairs, moving hair out of her face, and she saw the girls with Carol by her car. Paige ran over to her, and Amy hugged her tightly. "My brave girl." She kissed her forehead.
"I'm so glad you're okay." Paige gripped her shirt tightly.
"Me too, baby." She smiled at her. "I am proud you protected me, but next time listen to me. Don't come out."
"I'm not afraid of Tomas, Mommy."
"I know, but I can't lose you, baby, and I can fight my own battles," she told her daughter gently, but sternly. "Go get Sophia. We're staying somewhere else tonight."
She nodded and kissed her mom's cheek then got in the car.
Amy walked over to Carol, hearing the sirens in the distance, and Amy told her what happened. Carol gripped her hand, and Amy wiped at the tears that burned in her eyes. She was glad that the girls were spared. When Amy moved in, she broke the wall in Paige's room to fit her and Paige should they need to hide quickly from Tomas and his thugs, and that's where the girls hid. She was so glad they were playing in there or they might have seen.
"What happened to your hands, Carol?" Amy sniffed.
"I'll tell you later. Let's get you checked out." She guided her toward the paramedic, and she sat beside her as he cleaned the cut on her arm. "I've never seen Merle so...ready to kill. He's only been that way about Daryl."
Amy nodded then turned to her once the paramedic was gone. "Merle and I used to do drugs together," she confessed. "He used me as bait to lure Tomas in then Merle would beat the shit out of him and take his drugs. Tomas got revenge on Merle, but by that time, I wasn't using anymore, so he came here tonight for revenge and...answers."
"Answers to what?"
"He saw me at the store last week with Paige." Amy rubbed her arm. "He thought she was his. He was convinced actually, so he tried to beat the answer out of me."
"You had sex with Tomas?"
"God, don't remind me. I was so fucked up at the time, but I do know that bitch is not her father." She rubbed her jaw now, wincing. Damn, he punched harder than before.
"So, who is her father?"
She met Carol's eyes, the wind gathering their hair, and Amy sighed. "Paige's biological father is Merle." She looked over at him as he talked to Officer Grimes. "I'll tell you the story later."
Carol glanced over at the girls as they played in the backseat of her car. We have the same eyes. Carol felt a light spark of hope inside. Perhaps those eyes were Dixon eyes. Perhaps.