Emma ached all over and she knew she was probably black and blue from being thwacked against the sides of Blackbeard's ship yesterday. She groaned slightly as she woke her hand reaching out for her son, when she came back with nothing she bolted upright to see was all alone. "Liam!" she shouted worried. "Liam!" She jumped out of bed, ignoring the way her body protested and ran out of the captain's quarters. Her eye wide and fearful. "Liam!"
"I'm here mama!" called out a little voice. She spun around and let out a sigh of relief, though it quickly turned to a horrible knot in her stomach as she saw that Liam and Hook were standing at the wheel together.
"We thought we'd let you sleep in, Goldie," Hook said turning his head to smile at her. "You had a hectic day yesterday."
Liam ran over to Emma and hugged her before telling her, "Mr Jones, has been showing me how to sail!"
"Just call me Killian," Hook laughed.
"Has he now," Emma said, feeling that knot in her stomach get even tighter. "How are you feeling?"
"Better thanks, love,"
"I was talking to my son,"
"I'm good," Liam smiled up at her, before running back to Hook. Emma walked over to them and stood the other side of Hook.
"You should have woken me," she told him.
"You needed to rest. I wasn't going to wake you,"
"Don't give me any spiel about you being a gentleman," she snapped, "You should have woke me."
"Your son is safe," he assured her.
"I'll be the judge of that."
Liam watched them back and forth, a curious furrow came upon his face and then he tugged gently at Hook's coat drawing the pirates attention down to him. "You're a pirate?" he asked,
"Aye," nodded Hook, "Though I also like to consider myself a man on honour,"
"And a gentleman?" Liam asked.
"Aye," Hook chuckled. Emma head jolted at the questions her son was asking.
"Liam," she said warningly, "Don't keep on asking Hook questions, it's rude to be nosey,"
"It's fine," Hook assured her, which Emma just gave him daggers at, "I don't mind,"
"A pirate and a gentleman," Liam said, the cogs slowly turning in his head. "And you knew my mum before now?"
"That I did lad."
Liam screwed up his face in thought and then left Hook's side to go to his mother's. Emma closed her eyes silently praying. "Did you know I have the same name as Mr Killian's brother?" he told her,
"Yes I did," nodded Emma,
"He's a pirate and a gentleman," Liam repeated, his blue eyes drilling into Emma and she could feel that knot tightening even more. She knew it was going to happen she knew he was going to ask.
"Not now, Liam," she told him firmly, but of course he ignored her.
In a slight whisper he asked, "Is he my dad? Is that why you got him to help rescue me?"
"What?" Hook's head spun around his hand falling from the wheel in surprise causing the ship to jolt. He quickly steadied the wheel with his hook.
"Nothing," Emma quickly said.
"Is he?" Liam asked, then turned to Hook, "Are you?"
"Wait, am I?" Hook asked Emma his blue eyes drilling into her just as Liam's had.
"No," she answered him.
"But you said my dad was a pirate and a gentleman," Liam spoke up. She could see the hope in his eyes the way they flickered between her and Hook. The knot in Emma's stomach felt like it was choking her and everything was crumbling around her.
"Did you?" Hook inquired,
"She did," answered Liam. "She did!"
"Swan, answer the question."
"I already have,"
"Is the lad my son?" he asked her. She couldn't look at him in the eyes, she just couldn't. Emma wanted to run, but she couldn't, she was stuck on a ship in the middle of the sea. Being forced to face her problems rather than run from them.
Emma grappled for Liam's hand, he let her take it, her eyes not meeting Hook's instead they met her son's. She couldn't lie to him, no matter how much wanted to, no matter how much easier and less painful it would make their lives. She had to tell him the truth. "Yes."
Hook didn't know what to do. This boy that he had spent the whole morning with, telling him grand adventures and teaching him to sail, this boy who shared the same name as his brother was his son. How had he looked at the boy and not realised he was his own? The thing was, whenever he looked at Liam he saw Emma, he could only see Emma. If he focused though he thought perhaps there were a few things he shared with the boy; his blue eyes, the same hair that fell in the exact same way, but still most of Liam was Emma. The lad was staring at him now, did he hate him? Hook wondered, did he think that he abandoned him? What all did he know?
"Are you sure?" he managed to croak out,
"I'm sure," Emma nodded. "You're the only person, since, you know. It can only be you,"
"Oh..."he said. His eyes fell to the horizon and he scratched behind his ear slightly overwhelmed. "You left,"
"I didn't know I was pregnant at the time."
"Would you have stayed if you did?"
Her silence was answer enough,
"And you never thought about finding me and telling me?"
"I am not having this discussion in front of my son,"
"Fine then. Smee!" he called out. "Take the wheel. Shall we go downstairs, Goldie?"
"Liam, you stay up here with Mr. Smee," Emma told him, Liam when to object but she stopped him. "Hook and I need to talk. You can chat with him later."
Smee took the wheel and Emma let go of Liam's hand after giving it a light squeeze, then she and Hook went downstairs. He pulled down the latch with a slam and then turned to her, "So did you ever think about finding me and telling me, that you were pregnant?"
"I was in prison!" she shouted back,
"Did you want to find me?"
"I didn't want you to know! You're a pirate and all you care about is your bloody revenge! That's not fair on him, you have no regard for whether you live or die, you put your revenge first. When you have a child, you have to put them first, before yourself."
"What and you don't think I can do that?"
"No. I don't. You've been this man for hundreds of years, left stewing over the death of Milah, only caring about revenge. Of course you can't let go. And I am not asking you to, it wouldn't be fair on you either to expect you to give up your whole life."
"Perhaps I would have,"
"You know now, tell me do you want to?"
"My father abandoned me as a boy, I will not do the same, even if I haven't been allowed to be there for seven years."
"What you're just going to stop being a pirate now? Because you can't live that life. I had to give up being a thief, I couldn't just drag him off into danger, never staying in one place and he sure as hell is not going to be staying on this boat. I am not asking you and I am not expecting you to do anything, that's why I didn't tell you. You're a pirate who only cares for revenge and I am not going to change you. He is my son at the end of the day, he only shares dna with you. You haven't been there to raise him."
"That is not my fault," shouted Hook. "I didn't know he was alive. You know, maybe if you hadn't run away you wouldn't have had to go through your pregnancy alone in a prison. I would have been there for you. Maybe you would never have felt hopeless and like you didn't want to keep him. But you never gave that a chance because as soon as you felt like you could trust me you couldn't take the chance that you were wrong about me and you ran!"
"Well, I can't change anything now and even if I could I wouldn't. I don't want you in my son's life. It is he who wants to know who his father is. It's a mistake because you'll only hurt him."
He let out a yell in anger and slammed his hand upon his desk. "So you were never going to tell me?" he said as he regained his composure, slightly calmed.
"I didn't think I'd ever see you again. I didn't want to,"
"What did I do to you that made you hate me so much?" he asked.
"What?"
"Tell me, because I honestly want to know,"
"You didn't do anything. I don't hate you. But I also don't trust you and I don't want you anywhere near my son,"
"Well guess what love? He's my son too! And if I want to be in his life then I bloody well will,"
"You're just going to hurt him!"
"What because I'm a pirate?"
"Yes! No...because, because you only care about yourself. Do you honestly feel as if you are a good man and that you are a good example to him?"
Hook slumped and sat upon his bed and let out a sigh in anguish. "You're right Goldie. I'm not a good man. I'm the worst there is. Go above deck and stay there, we'll reach port soon. Tell the lad I'm sorry."
"Right," she nodded.
Then she left him.
She sat with Liam at the front of the ship, tears prickling at his eyes as she explained to him that Hook said he was sorry but this was all for the best. "He's not in the right place to be a father, Liam,"
"But,"
"I'm sorry," she told him.
"Does he hate me?"
"No, not at all," she said her heart breaking slightly as she stroked his hair. "It's hard to explain to you and for you to understand, but when you're older I'll explain it better to you. Just know he doesn't hate you, but it is for the best that you don't get to know him, don't get attached."
They made port as evening set in. Liam pleaded to be allowed to see Hook, but Emma told him no. Then she thanked Smee and bid him farewell. With Liam's hand in her own, she walked him away even though she knew he was secretly hating on her he kept hold of her hand. "It's for the best," she tried telling him again, but he didn't want to listen.
They arrived back at the castle, neither of them speaking a word to one another. When they entered into the castle Snow was there to meet them a smile on her face until she saw the looks on theirs. She looked at them worryingly and Emma just mouthed to her, "I'll explain later."
Which she did. Liam fast asleep in his room, and being kept an eye on by guards encase he ran away or someone tried to take him away. Only then did she go to see Snow, and before the warmth of the fire she unburdened her soul and told her friend of the secrets she had kept and what had transpired over the past few days.
"It'll be okay," Snow told her,
"I feel guilty,"
"Liam will understand," she told her, "He'll come around,"
"But Hook," Emma sighed. "Snow, I think I did a terrible thing. He did want to be a part of Liam's life, and I just tore him apart,"
"You were scared Emma, people act irrationally when they are scared," Snow explained, "and that's okay. But sometimes you have to make amends, even if it's scary. Sometimes you have to make up for mistakes you've made, we've all done things in our past that we aren't proud of, we've all had to battle with what the world has to offer us, and do you keep me accountable for what I have once done? You look past that, and I've looked past what you have done. We can't easily be categorised into being good or bad, life isn't that simple. It changes us, think of Regina, but I still have hope that she shall one day be that kind woman who saved my life."
"I need to apologise, don't I?"
"It's up to you Emma," Snow told her, "but you have to think is this just about Liam or is it about you too? Those walls of yours Emma, they aren't just a defence, they're a prison."
"Will you keep an eye on Liam please?" she asked making up her mind as to what to do.
"Sure," smiled Snow.
Emma got up out of her armchair and gave her friend a hug before leaving the study and heading off to her room to change out of her bloodied dress and to pick up her satchel before heading off into the night.