All You Leave Behind

by Lynnth2014

Carol's on the run from a mistake in her recent past, but the only place she can go has the man she ran from originally. She had to find somewhere safe for her daughter, and that meant going home, back to her friends and family, back where they would find happiness. But with light, there is always dark, and he was Carol's. He would find them, it was only a matter of time.

19. My Signature Move

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

––

Daryl held Carol in his arms in their old bed, she had stopped crying, and they'd talked. She told him about all that Ed did to her, and he told her about Mason and his abuse. They'd never had this conversation before. They understood each others pain too well, but Daryl had never felt closer to her. He also felt a burden lift off his back, and Carol felt so light, so light she thought she might float away. It had been too long since she felt like this.

He felt her still in his arms, and he wondered if she fell asleep—or perhaps she was just enjoying the scared simplicity of him by her side. He could only hope. He loved being so close to her, feeling her skin against his, smelling the shampoo in her soft hair, and when he opened his eyes, she was right there, and it felt like the miles between them never existed. Holding her...was something he could do for the rest of his life.

He heard Amy calling to him, so he gently pulled his arm out from under her head, replacing it with a pillow, and he gripped her shoulder to lifted his shirt out from under her, and he placed a kiss to the bare skin of her shoulder, not really thinking about it.

He headed downstairs. "What's the damage?"

"Your pipes are shot," Tod replied. "I mean, the whole system's gonna have to be replaced. What you need is a full copper re-pipe job."

"That sounds pricy." Amy crossed her arms.

"As you've helped me out on many occasions, I'll cut the price in half and give you a discount on top of that." Tod rewrote the price on the invoice. "We'll get to work right away."

"Thanks, Tod." Daryl took the invoice. "Amy, you pay rent?"

"I can."

"Well, put it to this instead." He showed the bill to her.

"Holy crap!"

Paige walked over to them. "What? Is it bad?"

Daryl eyed the little girl again. She'd been here for two days, and Daryl kept trying to figure out why she looked so familiar to him. She had Amy's face, but there was something behind that innocent face and the pink and white dresses. He had a feeling this kid was a Dixon, and that meant Merle and Amy shared more than a drug problem. He really didn't want to think about Merle and Amy in any way that created this kid.

"No, I have...some money saved up, so I can pay half." She bit her bottom lip. "You don't mind us staying here, do you? 'Cause from the look of this, we may be here awhile."

Sophia looked over at them, and he sighed. "No, I don't." He wasn't going to throw them out, especially since Paige was Merle's kid. Damn, Merle would shit bricks if he knew about her.

"Where's Mommy?" Sophia set the colored pencil down.

"I'm here." Carol came off the steps. "How is it?"

"Bad." Amy showed her the price.

"I'll just go sell everything I own, excuse me."

"I got it." Daryl leaned against the couch. "Just can't fix the house now."

"I can help pay," Carol argued. "I can ask Dad for the money then work it off at the Greene Leaf."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I let you try and fix the pipe when I shoulda let Sophia do it."

"Oh, ha ha. Excuse me for not being savvy with tools."

He smirked. "I'll remember that."

Amy glanced between them then turned and smiled at Sophia. "Oh, I see."

"See what?" Carol narrowed her eyes at her.

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I'm going to the store to pick up some food since Daryl doesn't know what that means. How do you manage to live in a house with only beer and what I hope is bacon in the fridge?"

"Don't eat here much." He shrugged.

Her brows furrowed then she shook her head. "You coming, Paige?"

"Sure."

They left for the store, Carol lowered herself down beside Sophia to see what she was coloring, and Daryl gathered the tools from counter to return them to T. He locked the door to the basement, not wanting one of the girls or a drunken Merle to accidentally fall in thinking it was the pantry.

"Do you hear that?" Sophia looked around.

"Hear what?" Carol listened.

"A kitty." Sophia walked through the slim hallway that lead to the backyard, and on the other side of the sliding glass was a short-haired, gray and white kitten, crying its eyes out. "Aww, Mommy, c'mere."

Carol went to her and opened the door. "How adorable." Carol picked the kitten up. "It's one of Jeanette's, right?"

"Yeah." Daryl looked over the runt. "Probably got out when she left."

"It's been out all day?" Sophia frowned. "How sad."

"She must be hungry." Carol turned to Daryl. "Do you have anything?"

"I'll check."

"Can I see her?" Sophia asked.

"Hold on." She closed the door and returned to the kitchen, kneeling down and showing Sophia the tiny kitten.

"She's so cute." Sophia stroked her sort fur. "Can we keep her? Pretty please?"

"No, it's Jeanette's, Sophia."

"She's sellin' 'em," Daryl informed her. "Ten bucks with collar. Somethin' like that."

"Oh, pretty please?"

"Dad doesn't like cats, and she could get lost on the farm." Carol shook her head, but she totally wanted to keep the kitten. It was so precious.

Daryl set a saucer of milk on the floor. "Fuzzball can stay here."

"Really?" She set the kitten down and it went to the milk. "You'd do that?"

He nodded.

"Thank you!" Sophia hugged him. "Thank you so much, Daddy!"

Carol smiled, using her index finger to pet the kitten. "She'll need a name."

"Florence," Sophia suggested.

"No."

Daryl tried to pet the kitten, but she smacked his hand, drawing blood with her claws. "How 'bout Ass Kicker?"

Carol laughed. "She's harmless. She probably thought you wanted to played. Your sleeve's unbuttoned, so she probably tried to swat that, not you." She grasped his hand finger and squeezed it tight, drawing more blood. She grabbed a tissue from counter and wiped the blood away, looking into his eyes. She was going to say something witty, but when she looked into his eyes, nothing came to mind. She felt that draw to him, and she knew she had to look away.

"Bella," Sophia said. "Hey, she likes it." Sophia giggled at the kitten climbed onto her lap and licked her face.

"Bella it is." She lowered her eyes to Daryl's bleeding finger, blushing. After what just happened upstairs, she knew, but she wasn't ready for that just yet. Was she? It was Daryl, but there were still things she needed to put together before anything happened. If anything happened.

– – –

"Hey, Carol, spar with me." Maggie caught her on the stairs.

"I can't. Period. Crippling cramps." She held her stomach, gripping the banister. "Oof, the pain."

"Lair."

"Yes, but I have a call to make, so you'll have to excuse me. Next time."

"I'm holding you to that."

She drove to the payphone and called Karen. She was worried when Karen didn't answer, so she tried again, but still she didn't pick. She had to know Karen was all right, so she did something pretty damn ballsy: she called Noah. She learned that Milton and Karen were away on business then they were coming down here next week. She thanked him and went to Daryl's. The girls were in school, so maybe Amy wanted to talk or something.

She used the key Daryl had made for her after she gave hers to Amy, and she opened the door, finding Amy stretching. "Going for a jog?"

"No." She met Carol's eyes. "I...was going to...uh, dance."

"Oh?" Her brows rose. "Don't let me stop you. I just came to see if you wanted to talk or go window shopping, but I can go."

"No, join me."

"Are you joking? Me? Dance?" She laughed. "Please be kidding."

"I'm not." She gestured to the room. "Who's going to see you?"

"God."

"Well, I'm sure He's seen worse. C'mon, it'll be fun."

"The only dance I can even work is the one Andrea, Lori, Maggie and I did senior year for the talent show, and I was in the back. It was for a good reason."

"I taught you guys that your—what? Sophomore year? Trust me, I can teach you it again. C'mon, it'll be fun."

"You won't stop bothering me until I agree, will you? Gah, fine." She removed her jacket and set it on the couch along with her purse. "If you laugh, I'm leaving."

"Loosen up. I won't laugh."

"Uh-huh."

They stretched, loosening up, and Amy flipped through a playlist. She chose a random song just to see if she could feel what she used to feel what she danced. Carol didn't move, and Amy closed her eyes. She wasn't sure if she was still that person anymore. She wanted to be. She'd lost so much of herself that year, and she wanted to get some of that person back. She needed to clear her head and just have fun for once. No worrying, no stress—fun.

"Let's try that dance."

"Sure."

They began to dance to the music, slowly remembering a dance that belonged to two teenage girls who no longer existed fully. They still managed to have some fun with it, both of them messing up, and Amy kept wondering how she came up with the dance in first place. She just moved with the music, and eventually, her body began to remembered what her mind forgot. She remembered why she loved dancing, and the rest of the world fell away.

She could remember her first performance. Her parents let her take ballet when she was young, and she was the best in her class, so she got a solo. She was so proud of herself. She went out there and dance her heart out, moving with the music. They were practically one, and she got a lot of applause. When she went to meet her parents, she found only Dale and Andrea. Her parents were busy, tied up at work. She was so upset, but Andrea told her it didn't matter. She and Dale saw, and they'd tell everyone how amazing she did. She was still upset, because she'd worked her ass off for her parents to see that she was good at something. There was always next time, and with every next time, a piece of her heart died.

Carol watched Amy in awe. She could dance to just about anything, and she made it look so easy. She was so talented. Carol watched her perform once, and she was blown away. She said so many words with her dancing, and the pianist that accompanied her was perfect. They complemented each other so beautifully. She'd never cheered so hard in her life, only Andrea challenged her and won, because that was her little sister who had nailed it. When Amy got into dancing, that was it. Nothing else existed. Carol hadn't found something like that for herself, but maybe one day.

Amy opened her eyes. "I have an idea."

"Do tell."

"You know exactly what I'm thinking."

"...What? I have no idea what you're thin—No!" Carol blushed. "I'm not doing that!"

"Oh, come on. Andrea taught you it, yeah? It's not trashy...behind closed doors. It'll be fun."

"That's what your mom says before she takes you to the dentist. "Oh, we'll skip school," she says. "It'll be fun," she says. Lies." She folded her arms. "Besides, my body doesn't bend like that."

"Please? I will love you forever."

"I. Hate. You." She sighed. "At least Shawn won't walk in and stare at Lori and Andrea."

"True." She found the song. "You know, Shawn reminds me of a puppy sometimes, especially when his hair's long. He's just so hyper and playful."

"Do I sense feelings for my brother?"

"So not my type."

"What, are you Dixon-sexual now?"

"Are you?"

She huffed, "Let's just do this."

She glanced at her. "You ready?"

"No, but let's do this while I still have the nerve."

"You never have fun, do you?"

"I do have fun."

"When you're painting a room or cleaning?"

"Okay, I'm boring. I thought you knew that."

She laughed. "You have a great body, work with it."

"Now I'm self-conscious."

"I'm serious. You have an ass, use it."

"Stop talking about my body."

"I bet Daryl would appreciate my advice." She stood up, and it began to play.

So, so, so scandalous

You know you wanna sing with us

That's why you know you should be scared of us

"Excuse me? You do not mention Daryl."

"You want him. It practically pours off you."

"I do not pour off...Daryl want."

You know you wanna sing with us

That's why you know you should be scared of us

"Cute. That should be a perfume name. Carol Greene presents 'Daryl Want'."

"Put your moves where your mouth is," Carol shot back.

"Gladly."

Last night looks to kill

Straight talk sex appeal

One touch gives me chills

And we ain't even close yet

Amy started first, and Carol glared, her words biting into Carol more than Amy knew. She didn't want to want Daryl, but she did. She wanted to be friends more, because a friendship was easier than a relationship. She wouldn't have to worry about breaking his heart again, and he wouldn't have to worry about her leaving in the middle of the night with their daughter and never coming back again. Part of her knew she and Daryl would never be just friends. She didn't know about him, but she would be in love with him until it killed her. They were already fighting, and they'd keep fighting. They'd screw, they'd hate each other and love each other until it made them quiver. Love wasn't simple; it wasn't brains. It was blood. It was blood screaming inside them to work its will.

Ruffneck all around

Ain't been all over town

Show me how you get down

'Coz we ain't even close yet

"Scared?"

"Are you? You say I want Daryl, but I've seen that look in your eye when you talk about Merle."

"Don't," Amy warned. "Our relationship was parasitic."

"And yet you look like a fangirl when you talk about him."

"Oh, don't even! You pant over Daryl."

"At least we were married, and at least I'll admit that I'm still in love with him."

You got me feeling and you got me feeling weak

Listen as I speak 'coz I'm careful as a freak

You got me going crazy and you know I can't sleep

I love watchin' your moves and you hypnotize me

Amy glowered. She didn't want to talk about her relationship with Merle. It wasn't good for either of them. They just used each other for sex and for drugs, and no matter how good they were, it wasn't worth it. Paige is the only part of that fucked up mess of a relationship that was worth it. She wasn't going to go back to Merle just because he was the father of her child. That didn't mean anything. She had no intentions of ever telling him. He was a sperm donor, and that's all. If Carol thought she was in love with Merle or ever was in love with Merle, she was wrong.

You got me trembling like a little baby girl

You're so special, you're like diamonds and pearls

You got me spinning and you got me in a twirl

Your my number one, baby and you've come to rock my world

"You call that dancing?" Amy smirked. "Floundering."

"Well, try me."

"Roll your hips." She showed her. "Oh, for the love of God, just follow me."

Carol laughed and aped Amy quite well. They were mad at each other from their comments, but at the moment, it was all a part of the fun. Carol couldn't remember the last time she just danced. She knew the last time with friends. She used to dance when she cleaned, and then Shawn would walk in, bust out laughing like the jerk he was, and she'd chase him through the house with the broom. She also remembered the time when Daryl had walked in on her rehearing for the spring talent show their senior year.

– – –

She pulled her hair up, closing and locking her door. She was not having any of her siblings walking in and seeing her do this. She would die of embarrassment if they saw. She was glad her parents had to work and couldn't make it. She was also so, so, so grateful Andrea had put her in the back. She would seriously die if she was in the front, looking at the entire student body just watching her.

She played the song, imagining where everyone was in her mind, and she recalled the steps. She knew them by heart, but she pretended to not know them all so Andrea wouldn't put her in the front. She had confidence—in bookwork. She wasn't the type to just jump out on stage and dance in front of the entire school student body. She only got suckered into it because Lori was on a senior-year-make-memories kick, and she wanted to perform in the talent show with her friends, because she hadn't performed in one since she was in fifth grade. She twirled batons and almost fell off the stage. That was the easy part. She almost killed the teacher by tossing one in the air, and it knocked the light free. Mr. Perry wasn't the same after that. He flinched every time a light flickered.

She hated the one part of the dance that involved a lot of hip movement. Amy had been studying belly dancing, and Andrea wanted to incorporate some of that into the their dance as well. She almost made them wear the outfits, but thankfully, all their moms said no. They had to have either pants or leggings. Since it was a talent show, they could bend the dress code, but only a little bit. Andrea and Maggie were going to buy the outfits, because they broke school dress code on a daily basis. She was surprised they didn't get in trouble. She suspected the principal liked the view. He was a creepy little man.

She turned and found Daryl with his head titled in the windowsill, and she blushed. "Daryl!"

He smirked. "Am I interrupin'?"

"N—no. No, of course not." She crossed her arms, her face on fire. "Please, stop looking at me."

He stepped into the room. "It wasn't that bad."

"Lair."

"It's true."

"How much did you see?" She bit her lip.

"Most of it."

"I'm in the back, so no one will see me. Hopefully." She sighed a whimper. "I could always run off stage."

"You'll do great." He sat on her bed.

"Aww." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You're only saying that because I'm your girlfriend, and you want in my pants again," she mused.

"Well, yeah." He pulled her down to her bed, kissing her, and she protested against his mouth. He broke the kiss, smirking at her. "Nice top." He ran his thumb over her belly button.

"It's a sports bra."

"Even better." He slipped his fingers underneath it.

"Daryl, stop, that tickles." She squirmed, giggling. "Daryl."

He kissed her throat. "You should do that more often."

"Squirm?"

"Laugh. I like the sound."

Oh. She smiled at him. "You should smile. You have such nice teeth."

"No."

"Please? Just give me one full smile, with teeth."

"No."

"One day," she promised, "I will see your smile."

"It ain't today." He kissed her.

"Watch the hands."

"Your door's locked."

He knew her too well. "But my parents are home."

"They left a couple minutes ago to pick up some stuff from the store with Beth, Shawn's at a party, and Maggie's takin' peaches to the Greene Leaf."

"I don't have anything," she whispered. "I forgot my pill today, because I was running late, and I didn't want to miss my test in first."

"I got one."

"Oh? You do? What, do you carry one around just in case I'm in the mood?" she teased. "Or do you assume I always want you?"

"I grabbed it off Shawn's floor to cover his ass so Annette wouldn't flip out like she did last time. Figured we could use it."

"How sweet of you. Nah." She slipped off the bed. "I need to practice." She turned to him.

He growled low in his throat.

She laughed and climbed onto his lap, kissing him slowly. "Give me five minutes then I'm all yours."

"You're always all mine," he murmured against her lips.

"Yeah, I am." She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Always."

– – –

You're dangerous, just get it off, the way you move so scandalous

It's all about the two of us, a one night stand just ain't enough

Amy set her hands on Carol's hips and adjusted her shoulders. "You just need to pop your hips." She stepped back and held back at laugh when Carol tried. "If you learned this, your future lovers will totally thank me."

"Don't touch me."

"Hold on, try this." She laughed. "Just like this."

"I am doing that!"

I need some stimulation, baby, a little conversation maybe

You got me spinnin' round like crazy, there goes my baby

"You look like you're trying to break your hip. Hold up." She set her hands on her hips again and moved Carol's hips. "You've been holding back on me."

"Shut up!"

She laughed.

The front door opened without them noticing, the sound of keys hitting the floor caught their attention, and they found Merle and Daryl in the doorway, staring with their mouths open. Amy couldn't pass up that opportunity.

Scandalous, so scandalous, scandalous

Amy wrapped her arms around Carol's waist, "She's mine now, Daryl. I'm not really sorry about it."

"Keep her," Merle quipped, only a little serious. "Send me tapes."

Daryl glared at him and picked up the keys. "What're you doin'?"

"Dancing." Amy released Carol, turned the music off and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"You're dancin' again?" Merle asked.

"Maybe." She took a drink of water. "What have you two been up to?"

"Stuff for the cat," Daryl answered. "Litter box, litter, food, a decent collar with an I.D. tag."

"Speaking of the cat, where is she?" Carol just noticed she wasn't around.

"She's passed out in the middle of Daryl's bed." Amy set the bottle of water down. "Why she likes the smell of oil and earth, I'll never know."

"Shit, I forgot to grab a scooper for the litter box." He really didn't want to go out again.

"I'll pick one up. I have to pick up some tape and rulers anyway."

"What for?"

"Shawn. He's painting the nursery tomorrow maybe. He's been putting it off. I'm helping." She grabbed her jacket and purse. "I might as well get it now. I'll pick up the girls on my way to work. Dad won't mind them hanging around for a few hours, and they could learn how to make scones."

"Thanks." Amy shifted her weight. "I really appreciate you doing that."

"Thank, Beth. She's a godsend. Goodbye, Amy. Merle."

"I'll go with you." Daryl caught her at her car. "I needa talk to you."

"Sure, we can talk on the way to the store."

They got in the car, Daryl waited until they were down the street before he even considered asking, and Carol glanced over at him as he chewed his bottom lip, thinking. She wondered what he was going to ask her. They'd cleared the air about Ed and Sophia, so everything was all right now. There was no tension, just..."Daryl want" on her end. God, that's what she'd associate her feelings for him with from here on out. Damn it, Amy.

"Paige," he finally blurted. "She's Merle's, ain't she?"

"Yes, she is." It wasn't as if Amy told her not to tell Daryl.

He nodded. "She looks like him. Sorta."

"She acts just like him. She's so protective of Sophia and Amy. It's really sweet."

"Does Merle know?"

"No, he doesn't. Amy doesn't want him to know, so don't tell him. Let her."

"Will she?"

"...no."

He shook his head. "I can't."

"Daryl, you have to!"

"He's my brother. I don't like keepin' shit like that from him."

"Oh, you've done this before?"

"Tsh."

"It honestly wouldn't surprise me."

"No, I ain't ever done this before, and I don't wanna do it now. Just tell him."

"Excuse me? What? Me? Me tell Merle he has a five-year-old daughter? Hell, no!"

He sighed. "Let's talk 'bout somethin' else."

"Sophia's birthday is in a week." She turned left, glancing at him for a moment then back to the road. "Beth's planning it for both her and Paige since Amy couldn't afford a party for her. It's a surprise for them both, so we need to keep them busy while Beth sets it up."

"Does Amy know?"

"I doubt it. Beth loves to see that look of surprise on people's faces, but Amy hates handouts, so I'll tell her. She'll probably feel bad about not being able to give Paige a birthday party, but this way, Paige gets a surprise and a party."

"Merle should know."

"Why? Why should Merle know?"

"He's her dad!"

"So? Will Merle honestly drop everything he's doing and help raise Paige?"

He was silent.

"I know you would want to know, but...you're not Merle."

"The hell does that mean?"

She didn't want to fight. "Nothing. It doesn't mean anything. Forget I brought it up."

"No, tell me." He looked at her.

"Merle is...vile and violent and inappropriate. He's not a good father figure either. He's too easily roused, and he likes the rush he gets when he hurts somebody." She felt like she was crossing the line. She didn't want to say it, but Daryl had to see that Merle didn't need to know. It wouldn't be a great experience for Paige or for Amy. "You're not anything like that. You're a good man, and you're so selfless and brave and—"

"That's bullshit! Merle should know. She's his kid too."

"Well, that's your opinion. Amy doesn't want him to know, so you've no right to tell him. Amy's her mother, and Merle is her father, not you."

He scoffed, slouching in the seat and turning his glare out the window. He knew she was right, but it pissed him off nonetheless. Paige should know she had a father. Merle a good guy sometimes, and Paige should get to know that. The only way she would is if Daryl talked Amy into telling, and he wasn't sure he could. Woman was stern, pigheaded. Hell, she was Merle with tits some days. It was no surprise Merle screwed her till he knocked her up.

– – –

"Girls, wait here." Amy caught up to Carol before she got the door. "Are you sure about this?"

"Beth put a lot of time into this. Don't break her heart."

She bit her lip. "Okay. Okay." She waved the girls over.

"What's going on?" Paige asked, holding Sophia's hand, who was pouting about her birthday being spent in the Greene Leaf doing homework.

Carol kicked the door to let Beth know they were there then dug her keys out. "Dinner with the family. Sophia, don't pout."

"You forgot, didn't you?" Sophia said softly.

"No, of course I didn't forget." She bent down. "I told you we were going to celebrate."

"Yeah, right." She released Paige's hand and took off running.

"Sophia!" Carol looked at Amy then ran after her.

"Oh, crap." Amy dug her phone out of her pocket and called Beth. "We have a problem."

Carol ran into the stable. "Sophia?" She looked into each pen, hearing sobbing, and she hurried to the end. "Sophia." She caught her breath.

"Go away!"

"No way." She dropped beside her. "Baby, I didn't forget your birthday."

"You're lying! You forgot! You didn't even say happy birthday to me this morning!"

"I'm so sorry for that. I worked a late shift last night, and I was exhausted. I'm sorry." She hated that Sophia thought this. She didn't mean for her to think this. She sort of thought that Sophia knew a little about the party, but Beth was stealthier than Carol thought. "Hey, I have a surprise for you."

"I don't want it!" She moved away from her mom. "I want Daddy!" She ran away from Carol.

"Sophia." She stood up and found Daryl talking to her outside the stable. She watched him talk to her for a few minutes then walked over to them, Daryl straightened up and nodded at her, and Carol held her hand out to Sophia.

She wiped at her face. "I'm sorry." She took her mom's hand with both of hers.

"It's okay." She smiled at her a little. "I do have a surprise for you."

Sophia returned it. "Even after what I said?"

"Yes. Let's go."

Sophia reached over and took Daryl's hand, and together, they walked back to the house. They went into together, both of the girls gasped in surprise, and they ran to hug and thank Beth. Before Sophia ran off, she moved her mom's hand into Daryl's, and they both looked down at their hands, almost immediately stepping back and releasing each others hand.

Carol blushed, walking away from him to hide it. "Beth, it looks amazing."

"Thanks." She was beaming from the look on Paige's and Sophia's faces. "I'm so glad they were genuinely surprised. Is Sophia all right?"

"Yeah. Daryl talked to her."

"What'd he say?"

"I don't know." She peered over at him. What did he say? She wouldn't ask. He could have that little secret. Sophia might tell her later anyway.

"Smile or get out." Shawn took a picture of Beth and Carol. "Ooh, lusting eyes."

"Oh, shove off." She hit him playfully. "Where's your wife?"

"She got emotional when one of the kids offered her the last cup of juice." He pulled out a pocket-sized tissue pack. "I keep them with me all the time now."

Carol smiled. "Four months and a half now, yeah?"

"Yep, twenty-one weeks, I think. Panic is apart of my daily routine. It comes after I brush my teeth." He took a picture of Carl and Lizzie and Sophia while they weren't paying attention.

"Have they kicked yet?" Beth asked.

"Not for me, and not for lack of trying. I think my kids hate me already."

"Don't worry. I'm sure they're reserving their biggest kick for you."

"Ah, it's the comforting lies like that one that make my life perfection."

"Okay, Chandler. Go choke on your gum over there." Carol pointed a group of kids.

"That is so not true." He took a picture of her with the flash on then walked off.

"That jerk." She blinked several times.

"I'm gonna go check on the juice. I hope they didn't drink it all."

"I'm going to try and find my child." Carol weaved through the little kids, smiling at Ryan and Rick, and she found Sophia playing with Mika and Patrick. She took one of Shawn's cameras and took a picture of them. They were so precious, and thanks to Karen, they had this chance.

– – –

Phillip unlocked the door to his house, Penny went inside to practice her routine for her dance class, and he argued with Martinez about evidence. He closed the door behind him, rereading the statement back to him, and Martinez began muttering in Spanish before agreeing with him on it not being valid.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Tell Eliza and Penny I said hi."

"I will." He hung up and noticed the door to his office was open. He walked over to it and found Ed inside. He narrowed his eyes. Ed didn't have a key to the house. How the hell did he get inside? "What are you doing here?"

"Liz let me in." He was staring at the whiskey in the glass in his hand. "Today is her birthday, Phillip. Five years old today." He met his brother's eyes. "And I don't even get to see her."

"I told you—"

"I know." He finished the remaining whiskey and filled the cup halfway. "Have you found anything?"

"No. We found two more bodies downtown." He tossed his coat on the couch. "I'll look into it very soon. Right now, I have to find this son of a bitch."

"You're not trying hard enough." He set the glass on the table. "I'm gonna call in Gareth."

Phillip paled. "Are you kidding?"

"No."

"If he finds them, he may kill them! You know he's unstable! Don't do this, Ed."

"Yes, but he's efficient!" He tossed the glass into the picture of Penny and Elizabeth Phillip had hanging on the wall. "Unlike you! You get to see your wife every goddamn morning and you get to tuck your little girl every single night!"

"Because I don't put my hands on them!" he shouted. "You may not want to admit it, but you are just like our father!"

Ed's eyes pulsated.

"Abusive! Alcoholic! Impulsive! You could've had a good life! You're too damn smart to let Carol twist you like this, brother. Forget about her, please!"

"No," he growled, his face blood red.

"Sophia will grow up and forget about you! In twenty years, you could be walking the street in front of her, and she won't know you from Adam! Let this go before it destroys everything you worked to get!"

Ed shook his head, disappointed in his brother. "You've picked your side, I see."

"Yes, I suppose I have."

"You'll regret this."

"And you'll regret chasin' after a woman who's gone! She doesn't exist, Ed. Let this go. As your brother, I'm telling you to let this go." He put his hand over his heart. "I'm telling you, Ed, to stop this insanity."

"I'll stop when that bitch feels what I feel, thinks the thoughts that I'm thinkin'. That's when I'll stop."

"You're a fool."

"And you're a coward." He stormed by him and out of the house.

Phillip ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head, and Penny peered at him, having heard the screaming and came to see what was wrong. He turned and found his daughter watching him. "Honey."

"Is that why I don't see Sophia anymore?" She searched his eyes.

"Yeah." He got down on his knees to talk to her. "Carol took Sophia and left."

"And you're not helping to find them?"

"No, baby, I'm not."

"Why not?"

"It's complicated."

She pursed her lips, trying to understand. "I won't get to wish her a happy birthday again, will I?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I miss Sophia."

"I do too."

She stepped back. "I have to practice. I want to do it just right before I show Mommy." She hugged him. "Thank you for the outfit, Daddy."

He smiled. "Well, you have to look the part."

"I look like a princess?"

"A beautiful princess."

She smiled. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too."

She went to her room to continue practicing, Phillip sat down and shook his head, wondering what Ed could possibly do now to make him regret not helping him.

– – –

Daryl watched Carol and Sophia take picture together, smiling inside at how happy they looked. He felt a twinge of pain knowing this was as close as he got. It was going to be rough, to be near her and to not have her. To watch someone else have her. He wasn't sure he could do it. He might have to be like Shawn: punch him in the face. Bob didn't even see it coming. If he did what he wanted to, he would lose Carol. He would just have to tolerate the distance.

"C'mon, we're about to cut the cake." Carol offered him her hand. "Sophia wants us to help blow out the ones she and Paige don't get. Beth went candle crazy too."

He clasped her hand and stood up, setting his cup on the table beside him, and they all crowded into the kitchen. Beth had made one massive cake at the Greene Leaf to fit the names and words. It looked and smelled delicious, and Shawn took a picture of it before it was cut into it.

Carol held Daryl's hand the entire time, and she only let it go to help Beth cut the cake after all the candles were blown out. They handed out cake, Daryl stepped into the background, and Carol kissed Sophia's cheek, wishing her a happy birthday.

She hugged her mom. "I love you, Mommy. Thank you!"

"Thank, Beth."

"She did." Beth licked icing off her finger. "But I'll take another hug."

Carol swiped her finger through the icing on Beth's slice of cake and wiped it on her nose. "Don't try and make my daughter love you more."

"Mature." She went to find a napkin.

"You know you love me," she called after her.

Sophia hopped up and went to Daryl, hugging him. "I love you too, Daddy."

He tentatively hugged her back, his hands so big against her back, and he pulled her closer. Their first hug was brief, and he didn't really hug her back, but he did this time. He gave her a small smile and watched her return to her cake and ice cream. He stepped out for some air.

Not a minute later, Carol lowered herself down beside him on the porch with a massive slice of cake and two spoons. "Here, Daddy."

He rolled his eyes. "Stop."

She smiled, turning to face his side. "Eat it or I'll feed you like a baby."

He grabbed a spoon and cut a piece away, eating it. "Gah." It was sickly sweet.

Carol scooped up the icing on her spoon and dumped it on her side of the plate. "There." She ate some of the icing. "If diabetes had a taste, I found it." She shuddered it down. "Those kids are going to have such sugar highs."

He smirked. "Glad Sophia ain't comin' home with me."

"Paige is," she shot back.

"Walked into that one."

"Yes." She set her spoon down and looked at him. "Karen's coming by next week."

"And that means what exactly?"

"Nothing—well, not nothing. It means something; it's really important to me. I thought you'd want to be there. If Ed has changed his habits or is trying to find me, she'd know." She also wanted her best friend to meet the man she loved.

"Bring her by my place."

"Okay."

"Hey, Carol." Maggie stepped out to the porch. "Mom wants a picture with you and Sophia then all of us."

"Oh, goodie." She climbed to her feet. "C'mon, Daryl."

"I ain't one of y'all."

Maggie and Carol exchanged a look then said, "C'mon, Daryl."

They met outside the house, all of the kids were petting the animals with their parents nearby, and Shawn told them where to sit and how to stand, letting Rick take the pictures. They did one of all the girls, all the boys and all the boys with Sophia. Carol loved it. They were holding her like she was a princess. It was so adorable. She was definitely taking two of those.

"Family picture. Let me." Glenn reached for the camera.

"Wrong way, Glenn!" Shawn called. "Over here by Mag."

"Yeah, over here." Beth pointed to the spot.

"And take the hat off," Annette added.

"I'll take it," Amy offered.

"We have a spot for you over here," Maggie said.

Amy saw the empty spot and glanced at Rick, who motioned for her to go on. She joined them, feeling odd about it. She hadn't had a massive family in years, just her and Paige. It made her smile to feel like she had someone to rely on.

Otis and Patricia squeezed into the picture too, and Rick had to step back. They were all related by blood, blood pacts, marriage and friendships. They were a family, different shapes, sizes and colors, but at least the holidays wouldn't be boring, and they were all together now. They would stay all together.

– – –

"Don't worry about it," Carol insisted.

Sophia was at school, so Daryl came over to talk about her birthday party yesterday. He felt really shitty about not getting her anything. He didn't know what she would like, and he didn't want to go out and buy something she'd hate. He wanted her to like it. He forgot to ask Carol what she would like to have for her birthday, and it was too late now. He'd missed four birthdays, because he didn't know about her, and now he missed one because he didn't know her at all. What father does that?

"I do." He sat in the windowsill, half in her room and half out of it, like before. "I didn't get her nothin'."

"I told her my gift was from the two of us."

"But it wasn't."

"She doesn't know that."

"But I do."

"You're being too hard on yourself." She closed the space between them, arms folded. "It's not your fault you don't know Sophia very well. It's mine. Look, why don't we all go out sometime? We can go to the park or rise horses or something. You can get to know her firsthand, and then when Christmas rolls around, you'll make up for this."

"You... You're gonna let me see her on Christmas?"

"Of course I am. You'll have to come here, because I'll be too full of junk to move."

He half-smiled. Carol always ate holiday foot pass her stomach's capacity limit. "I'd like that."

"And we'd love to have you. You've always been apart of my family, don't be so shocked." She smiled. "Let's go to your place. I want to check on Bella."

"All right." He slipped into the room.

They went downstairs, Carol grabbed her jacket just in case it rained like it was supposed to all week, and she found her parents waiting for her in the living room. She glanced at Daryl, he motioned he'd be outside, and they called to her.

"Yeah?" She felt her stomach twist. "What's up?"

"Come in here," Annette gently demanded.

She sat down on the couch. "What is it?" She felt this was serious the minute she looked into her mother's eyes.

"We want to talk to you." Hershel was holding his wife's hand.

"Talk to me about what?" Her heart slowed way down, and she felt very, very cold. She didn't want to know if her mom was sick, that coming home and being here this past month and a half had only made her worse. She didn't want to know. She wasn't the oldest; Shawn was. He was supposed to handle all of this, and she just supposed to try and help him. She couldn't hear any bad news, not after last night and this morning. She was happy only a second ago, now fear crippled her, rooting her the couch.

"We want you to have dinner with us this Friday. We need to talk to you girls and Shawn."

"About what? You're scaring me." She looked from her dad to her mom.

"Just some shop stuff. Don't be scared, pretty girl." She set a hand on Carol's knee. "We need to work out some things, and we need you four here. We just need your opinions."

She exhaled deeply. "Oh, good. I thought something was wrong."

"Not with us, but with you." She narrowed her eyes. "You're hiding something."

"Well, look at the time. Bye." She shot up and left, practically pushing Daryl off the porch. "Let's go before they figure out my secret." She wasn't ready to tell them about Daryl, because she would have to tell them about Ed. She needed to tell them, just so they could be prepared in case Ed found out about her and them, but she wasn't ready. She probably never would be ready, but she was going to try to be ready. Maybe.

Daryl drove to her to his place, calling T to see if he was sure he didn't need Daryl, but he only got his voicemail. He was probably busy. Daryl needed to stop by after they checked on the runt. He hoped Merle didn't let the runt out, because Sophia would be crushed. She loved it more than anything else, and they hadn't even had it that long. She was so like Carol, but he was starting to see pieces of himself in her.

Were there pieces of Merle in Paige? He wondered how Merle would handle it, not that he was ever going to get the chance, which still ate at Daryl. Merle had a right to know, just like he had a right to know. "Look, Carol, 'bout Paige—"

"Not this again." She stopped on the path to the front door to face him. "She's not your child. Our opinions don't matter. Let's just on inside and talk about our kitten, please. Or Sophia. Let's talk about Sophia. She really likes to d—"

"She's family to me, Carol," he interrupted. "She's my niece. I know I ain't her dad, but I am her uncle. I want her to know that. Since Merle's automatically a shit dad, the girl oughta have a shit uncle too."

"You're not a shit uncle. You're just...an uncle. Barely an uncle, technically, since she doesn't know."

"You know what I mean."

"You want to try and change Amy's mind, go for it." She turned and unlocked the door. "We'll go ask her right now."

"You ain't serious."

"That's her car. She's home, so let's go talk to her about it." She headed inside and toward the stairs. "After all, it's her daughter we're talking about."

"Carol!" He ran after her.

"Look, we'll just ask Amy." She hurried up the stairs. "It's not a big deal."

"It's awkward as shit. She don't know I know, so just don't." He grabbed her as she neared the door. "Stop."

She opened the door and instantly whirl around to cover her eyes in Daryl's chest, and Daryl held her, unable to look away while she wouldn't look at all. It was like a horror film, only he would rather see guts and gore than see what was actually in front of him.

Amy was in bed, completely naked with the blankets around her hips, riding Merle. She gripped his chest, pumping her hips. When she heard the door open, she looked over her shoulder. "Oh, my God!" She covered herself, but Merle kept her in place when she tried to move off the bed. "Oh, my God!" She started blushing. "What the hell?! Can't you knock?!"

"We are so sorry." Carol held her hand over eyes. "We didn't hear anything, so we thought were you alone."

"She just stopped screamin'," Merle chuckled.

She slapped a hand over his mouth, glaring. "Shut up!" Her cheeks were on fire.

"Umm, we need to talk to you." Carol studied Daryl's shirt. "It—it can wait, though."

Merle moved Amy's hand. "If you two will excuse us, we have business to finish." He sat up, motioning for them to close the door.

Daryl pulled the door shut. "I need to gouge my eyes out."

"Uh-huh."

He guided her down the stairs and cringed at the memory.

Carol looked at him for a moment then whispered, "Is he seriously going to finish?"

"Knowing Merle, yeah."

"Gross."

About fifteen minutes later, Amy and Merle came downstairs, adjusting buttons and fixing hair. Amy pulled Carol into the kitchen while Merle dropped beside Daryl on the couch, and Carol could smell Merle on her, and she wasn't even standing that close.

"What the hell, Amy?" Carol kept her voice low. "You and Merle?"

"What?" She looked through the cabinets, trying to find something to eat that she didn't have to cook. "Okay, it looks strange, but it didn't mean anything." Ooh, muffin. She grabbed it.

"Oh, come on! He is the father of your child!"

"Shh!" she hissed then glanced over at them. They didn't seem to hear her; Merle wasn't unconscious on the floor. "He doesn't know, and it was just sex, all right?"

"It's Merle, Amy. What, you just happened to seek out the man who's child you had?" She kept her voice low. "The way you talked about him... I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't get hurt, because it was just sex." She tore the muffin open, taking a bite and swallowing to continue the conversation. "Okay, let me put it this way: I have needs, and sometimes, I need a warm body against mine." She hoped Carol was understanding how it didn't mean much. "Merle...as repulsive as he can be, warms a body quite nicely."

"That's disgusting."

"Really? Then tell me about you and Daryl and that night on the island?" She took a bit of the muffin and Carol stared with confused eyes. "Maggie told me."

Damn the rules of the blood pact! "That's different!"

"How?"

"...It's not. At the time, it was very similar to this." She dropped her head. "If Daryl and I were to get back together, we would be a family, and we know where our relationship could go. What about you and Merle?"

"I'm just barely twenty-two, Carol. I'm not looking for a husband." She paused, swallowing hard. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It's not like I came downstairs naked and posed seductively."

There's another image she would never get out of her head.

"He just came over to see Daryl, but you two were out, so we started talking. One thing led to another, he had me against the wall, and I just didn't tell him no. It was just familiar, and...well, amazing, and I won't apologize."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm just...confused and so, so scarred."

"I'll apologize about that. I'll leave a note or a sock on the door next time." She devoured the rest of the muffin.

"Next time?" She groaned. "There's a next time?"

She tossed the wrapper into the trash. "I'm kidding."

"Have you never seen food before?" Carol asked as Amy looked for something else to eat.

"I'm just so starving." She bit into a granola bar. "We were alone for a long time..."

"Ew. Ew. Ew." She shuddered.

"Okay, I'm going to order a pizza. Do you want some? It'll probably be meat and cheese." She grabbed the phone off the counter.

"No, but thank you for the offer." Carol looked over as Daryl and Merle spoke, and she didn't see any seriousness or worry there. Daryl hadn't told him about Paige, but Merle definitely was talking about Amy. She wanted to hit him sometimes. Amy was a person, not a conquest. "Jackass."

Amy looked at her, and so did they, Carol averted her eyes and blushed. She did not mean to say that out loud. Amy quickly finished her order and hung up as Merle walked over to her, and Daryl got in between them. This wasn't going to end well at all.

"What'd you just say?"

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I wasn't talking to you."

"I'm not stupid, Mousy. Tell me what you said. Don't be a pussy."

"You know what, I called you a jackass." She pushed by Daryl. "Amy is not someone you can just play with! She's a person!"

"Carol—" Amy tried to shut her up, but Carol wouldn't let her.

"No! I know how he is, and I'm not going to let him talk about you like you're some sex object! She's a person, and a really good person at that, so just shut up!"

"Shut up? Is that supposed to scare me?" He glared. "I don't like you, Carol. You're a bitch who goes back on her word, and I hate people like that."

"Merle—"

"No, let him talk," Carol said over Daryl. "Yes, I am a bitch, and I did go back on my word, but at least I'll admit it. What about you? Will you admit that you left him too? Not only left him, you left a child all alone with a grown man who physically and verbally abused him! When I left him, he was safe! And I wasn't going to jail!"

"No, you were just goin' to screw around at college! Surprised you ain't got ten kids the way you move on! I'm sure you ain't that good."

"Your insults don't mean shit, Merle. I'm not a little girl who you can intimidate. I'm not scared of you, because you're just an asshole! No, you're not even that. You're just pretending to be a rude, vile man, because deep down, you're really just a scared little boy who's worried Daddy's going to come back and finish him! Sex isn't love, Merle, although we both know which you've gotten more of."

He did say anything, and silence filled the room. Amy wasn't sure what to say after all of that, and Daryl wasn't sure who he was pissed at more. And then suddenly, Merle started to just...laugh, and Carol stared, brows furrowed. He laughed deeply, like what she said was the funniest thing to ever be vocalized.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Carol glared.

"You don't hold back shit." He laughed. "I like that."

"What?" She looked at Daryl, trying to understand what just happened.

Merle went to the living room with a beer in hand, Daryl followed, and Carol stood there, still not sure if Merle was mad or happy or just swallowing emotions. Amy went upstairs to get her wallet, and she checked the time to see if the girls would be out of school soon. She stopped beside her.

"Carol, I know you mean well, but please don't defend me."

"I'm sorry. He just makes me mad."

"You don't know Merle, so don't judge him."

"Oh, and you do?"

"A little more than you."

"You can try and lie about it, but you still have feelings for him."

"You can keep saying that; it won't make it true."

Carol walked away, shaking her head and going to check on Bella, who was probably upstairs. Amy glanced at Merle, who was watching TV, and she remembered the one time she thought she loved him. Perhaps she did, and the drug just made it easier for her to say those words. She wasn't sure even to this day.

– – –

She dug her nails into his shoulder, panting heavily, her bangs falling in her face, and she closed her eyes tight, feeling him still as he came inside her. She pushed her hair out of her face, and she looked over his face.

He was so beautiful to her. He has the deepest blue-gray eyes that held so much emotion, but he never let them really show. Only sometimes in the morning, he would wake up suddenly, short of breath, and she knew he had been dreaming about the abuse. He never talked about it, but she had seen the scars. Depending on the type nightmare, he would either wake her up and take her out for a drink or wake her up to have sex. She could tell the difference by now, and she knew when he wanted to have sex, the nightmares were really bad, because he was really rough. She knew he needed her those nights, even if he never admitted it.

She lightly touched his strong jaw with her fingers, his stubble brushing her fingertips, and she ran her index finger across it twice then let her fingers drift down his throat, her hand laying on his chest. She dropped her head and kissed his breast, feeling his arm land on her the small of her back, his hand gripping her ass through the thin sheet. She felt his other hand land on top of hers on his chest, and she whispered three words she didn't mean to say.

So quick had Merle shot out from under her, so quick had she regretted saying those words, and so quick was he in dressing. He was going to leave, wasn't he? She knew he would. He was the type to bail. Always had been. Could she handle being alone? Could she?

She hugged the sheet to her chest. "I—I didn't—"

"What the hell did you just say?" he demanded, his eyes wide, like a caged animal.

"I—I love you." She looked up at him, feeling very small, very vulnerable.

"You don't mean that."

"But—"

"Look, Am, you don't fucking mean that! You can't!"

"It was an accident." She tugged a shirt down over her, finding her underwear as he started for the door. "Merle, wait!" She tried to catch up to him, but he was gone. "Merle!"

She fell back into the apartment, her eyes burning, and closed the door, collapsing into a heap on the floor. No, no, no, no, no.

She pulled her legs to her chest. She didn't mean to say that. It was the ecstasy. She didn't even mean it. God, what was she going to do? Merle was all she had in the world, and after everything that they'd been through, that she'd been through...there was no way she could go back to a normal life, struggling to get by and working her ass off to pay bills. She couldn't even do that before she met Merle.

She was truly alone. She didn't have a single person in the world. Her family would surely disown her, and even Dale wouldn't take her in. She wasn't a Horvath anymore. She'd stopped being one when she left the estate. What was she going to do? She couldn't just wonder the streets aimlessly; Tomas would find her and he would kill her, among other things. She had no qualifications that an employer would want. God, she hasn't even finished high school yet. What was she going to do?

She didn't move from that spot the rest of the day, and only when she fell over, jolting herself awake, did she move. She crawled over to the bed and lied down, burying face in the pillow that was rich in Merle's scent. She had to have a plan. Tomorrow, she would come up with a plan.

––

She cleaned herself up, braiding her hair and putting on her best clothes, even going so far as to brush on some makeup. She only put on makeup when she and Merle went out, and that was rare. She didn't even wear makeup when they suckered in Tomas. She only wore makeup as a way to make herself appear older than she was so Merle didn't get in trouble for their relationship, not that it mattered. Merle knew the bartender, and he didn't care just as long as Merle paid.

She left the apartment and went down the block to see the one man who could fake credentials like no other. He was the best at when he did. She didn't know how he manged to not get in trouble with the law, but she was glad he was staying here for a few days. She needed his help.

She slipped into his building, finding him in the basement. She got through only because he knew Merle briefly. She didn't know how, and she didn't care. She needed him, and if Merle's name helped her get him, so be it. She didn't need the details.

"Amy Elyssa Horvath," he said when she began to introduce herself. "I saw you."

She hadn't even seen the cameras on her way down here. "Well, it's nice to meet you."

"Call me Paul." He gestured to the cot beside him. "Sit, please."

"Paul?" She took a seat. "Is that your real name?"

"Nothing throws people like the truth."

"Let's cut to the chase."

"Please do."

"I need you to help me."

"I know that look." He chuckled. "He left, eh?"

"This isn't about him. It's about you and me. I need your help, so here I am." She was very serious about this, and she refused to let him try and change the subject. "I need you to...fudge some facts about me."

"What can I do for you? A fake I.D?"

"Cute. I need a high school diploma." She was going back to school, but just in case. To the rest of this little town, she was Horvath, so it would be believable. "And a college degree."

He smiled. "Why?"

"That's for me to know."

"It sounds like fun, but I don't do handouts."

"I can pay you." She could get money from her parents' banking accounts. They had so many, and one was for her. It was a college fund, and as they were expecting some up there college, there would be plenty. They wouldn't close it. They'd leave it there for Andrea, just in case. She would have to do some major sweet talking, but maybe it'd work. She was too scared her parents would catch her to do it before, but now she had no choice. "Tell me how much, and I'll have it by maybe tomorrow."

"Well, all right then. I'll get to work, and I'll see you tomorrow. If you don't have the money—"

"I'll have it."

"All right. Talk to Tito. If you want me to add anything specific, tell him."

She started to leave. "It's Amy Harrison."

"Yes, ma'am."

She talked to the man called Tito for half an hour, making sure it was worth it, and she left. She grabbed her purse from the apartment and was about to leave for the bank when Merle stumbled into the apartment, drunk and with company. She looked at the trashy slut who laughing beside him, and she clenched her jaw.

"Merle." She tossed her purse down on the floor.

"You didn't tell me you had a kid," the woman giggled. "She's cute."

"I am not his freaking kid," Amy seethed. "I'm his girl!"

The woman's brows rose. "A little young, ain't you?"

"My age doesn't concern you. Get out!" She pointed to the door, the venom in her voice so thick, and she knew her eyes were crazed. "Or I swear I will cut you!"

She backed up then dashed out of the apartment, the door shut behind her, and Merle just looked at Amy, somehow managing to stand up. She was so angry at herself for ever letting herself be with him, and she was livid at him. She just wanted to hurt him, but there wasn't anything in this apartment that would just hurt him, so her fists would do.

"You're a son of a bitch!" She shoved him, and he fell against the door, his footing shitty. "You're such an asshole! You couldn't wait until I was gone?"

He came at her, she hit him to try and stop him, but he hit her back. He grabbed her, pushing her down onto the floor. She landed half on the floor, half on the bed, and she kicked him in the balls, climbing to her feet as he fell to the floor, his face red. She wiped her nose on her sleeve, wincing slightly at the burning, and she turned to leave, but something stopped her from leaving the apartment.

She looked at him, walking over to him. "I don't love you, Merle. I don't know why I said it, but I didn't mean it."

He gazed up at her, silent.

"There's a bucket in the corner, throw up in it. I don't want to come back to your vomit everywhere." She picked up her purse and shouldered it. "On second thought...go ahead. I'm not coming back." She grabbed her bag of clothes, stuffing what little clothes she had inside, and she left, closing the door behind her. She didn't look back once.

– – –

"Thank you." Amy smiled at her new landlord who handed her the key to her new and somewhat crappy apartment. Okay, it was very crappy, but it would do for now. She looked around. Well, she had shitty furniture, but at least it was something to sleep on. She might be able to get a few hundred out of her account, but she wasn't going to push her luck. After the three grand she took for this new life, she wasn't going to push it. Hopefully, with this job, she might be able to afford decent food. Or take some from the cafeteria.

She set her duffel bag on the couch and looked around at her very first home. She smiled to herself. This was a fresh start. No parents, no Horvath shadow looming over her, and most importantly: No Merle. She wasn't going back to him. She had to get clean. Luckily, she wasn't doing anything too addictive. She still had to talk herself out of going back to that shitty building, going back to him.

She locked the door and sat down on the couch, opening her purse and pulling out a can of tuna. She had a six cans, a bag of chips, two one liter bottles of tea and fruit. It would have to do. She was so hungry. She wanted to just eat it all, but she couldn't. She would make this work. Somehow.

She put the teas and the apples in the fridge, the chips on top of the fridge before returning to the living room and her can of tuna. Dinner of champions. Sad, pathetic, little champions.

There a knock on her door, and she set the unopened can down, wondering if the landlord forgot to give her something, and she pulled the door open, her jaw falling open at the sight of Merle on the other side.

"What the hell are you doing here?" How did he know where to find her? She had no one to tell she'd moved here, so how the hell did he find her? Was he following her now?

"Heard you got a place. I wanted to see it." He pushed his way into the apartment before she could shut the door in his face like he knew she wanted to do. "Nice, even has roaches."

"They're still better company than you." She crossed her arms, already irritated. "What do you want?"

"Tuna?" He poked through her purse. "You stealin' now?"

"No, of course not. Leave it be." She walked over to him. "Look, just go. I don't want you here, and I made it very clear our...shagging days were over, so leave."

He studied her for a moment. She'd lost weight, or maybe her pants were too big. Her face was so pale, and her eyes were to big in her face. It made him...pissed to see her like this. What the hell was she trying to prove?

"Let me take you to lunch, get some decent food in you."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you just want to have sex with me. That's it. I know you, Merle, and the answer is no."

"Let me make you a deal."

"No!"

"You go to lunch with me, we talk, and we come back here...and you decide then if you want to hear what I got to say."

"So, you'll feed me for free?"

"Yeah."

She scoffed. "You're so full of shit."

"Look, Amy, I want to talk about you and Paul. Your deal with him."

"Jealous?" She smirked.

"Tsk, hell no."

"Good. Leave. We're done."

"We ain't nearly done."

She groaned, annoyed. You know what? Screw it. "If I have lunch with you, are we done then?"

"Maybe."

That was good enough. "Fine, let's go have lunch." She grabbed her purse and followed him out the door, locking up. She chose a nearby diner, and he told her to order what she wanted. She wondered what made him so generous today. She didn't squander the opportunity to eat. She was starving, so she ordered what sounded good: pancakes with scrambled eggs, a cheeseburger with onion rings and fries and a chocolate milk, and she got a salad just to have something healthy. Whatever she didn't eat here, she was taking home with her. She knew she'd probably get through the pancakes and eggs, so the rest was tomorrow's dinner.

"What, you don't want a steak while you're at it?"

"Oh, that sounds good. A steak too. Medium rare." She handed the woman her menu.

He didn't order anything. "The hell you gonna put all that food?"

"In my fridge for another night." She crossed her legs. "So, you wanted to talk? I'll hear you out."

"It's 'bout you and Paul." She nodded. "Did you pay Paul in cash?"

"Yes, I did. Why?"

"Just wondered. Makes sense now."

"What does?"

"Tomas killin' him last night."

She met his eyes. "What? Paul's dead?" Her voice was shaky.

"Tomas saw you two talkin', probably thought y'all came to a different agreement on payment and killed him. He took some of the money, but not all of it."

"Oh, my God." Her eyes filled with tears. "Because of me, Paul is dead?"

"It ain't all you."

She covered her mouth with her hand as bile ran up her throat. "Oh—God." She scrambled out of the booth and to the bathroom. She didn't make it to the toilet. She threw up in the sink, gripping the edges of it as warm liquid-y chucks poured out of her mouth.

Oh, God. Paul was dead because of what she and Merle had done to Tomas months ago. She thought he was done taking revenge, but she was wrong. She hadn't escaped anything, had she? He was still lurking in the shadows, wasn't he?

She heaved, her knees going weak, and she felt so dizzy. She hadn't eaten much these past few days, but somehow she was puking up buckets. She managed to make it to the toilet before her vomit filled the sink and spilled onto the floor.

Merle waited twenty minutes then went to the back to see if she was even still there, and as he neared the door, she came out, wiping her mouth on her sleeve and sniffing, her eyes watery. He tried to touch her, but she moved away. He returned with her to the booth.

"You all right?"

"No." She held herself close. "What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry 'bout Tomas. I'll take care of him."

"I don't want that, Merle." She sniffed. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I ain't gonna get hurt," he assured her, "he is. Just listen to me."

She listened as he told her his plan, the food came, and she managed to eat. She didn't like Merle's plan, but he wasn't going to let her get hurt. She didn't know why, but she assumed it was because she was the only person he had anymore too. His own brother didn't need him anymore. Daryl had his wife, even if they weren't completely happy. They still had each other, and Daryl was dedicated to her now. Looked like she and Merle had more and more in common as the days went by.

She put the leftovers in the fridge and sat down on the couch beside him. "Thank you for lunch."

He shrugged it off. "You goin' back to school?"

"Yeah. I have a job, but it's just at this little burger place. It'll keep this roof over my head, buy me some decent clothes and some toothpaste."

He chuckled softly.

"About what happened last week... I'm sorry I ruined your...whatever that was."

He said nothing. He stood up. "Is there a bathroom?"

"Yeah. It's right beside the first bedroom."

He left the room, finding two bedrooms and the bathroom. They were surprisingly clean and almost spacious. He used the restroom then returned. "Got any glasses?"

"I have a cup from the gas station when I bought a soda. Why?"

"Just thirsty."

"All I have is water. I'll get you some if you want." She went into the kitchen and grabbed the cup.

He listened as she filled the cup, unzipping her suitcase and tucking a few twenties he'd taken off Tomas inside. Kid would need it. She had guts, he respected that. "Actually, I gotta run."

"Thank God. The water smells funky." She exited the kitchen. "Uhh, could we talk just for a second?"

He sat down with her. "What?"

"I wanted to thank you for taking care of me the past few months. You really saved my life, and I will forever be grateful."

"Well, you made it worth my time."

"I'm being serious."

"So am I."

Of course. "What I really want to say is...you don't have to protect me."

"I'm gonna."

"Why?"

"That's for me to know."

She studied his expression. They should have a decent goodbye, and he's made it perfectly clear what he liked her for. She climbed onto his lap, he leaned back, watching her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, placed kisses down his throat.

"I didn't come here for this," he told her.

"I know." She met his eyes. "One last time." She slipped her fingers through the few curls in his hair, leaning down and kissing him as he gripped her hips, sliding his hand up the back of her shirt to unclasp her bra.

– – –

Carol left to pick up the girls; Daryl had gone with her, not wanting to be in the house full of tension, and he wanted to be there and not just because Carol had told Sophia he would be. Merle sat on the couch, eating a slice of pizza, and Amy sat in the kitchen, picking off pepperoni and eating them, no longer as hungry.

She wondered if she should just tell him about Paige. It wasn't as if he would want to be involved with her anyway. He never wanted kids. He made that perfectly clear on many occasions. She just really didn't want Paige to know Merle was her father. It wasn't because of his past or anything, she just really, really didn't want her to know about him or him to know about her. Something inside her made her feel sick to even consider it. Her head was always screaming at her to never tell them. She never really listened to her head anymore. She had sex with him when she knew she shouldn't have.

She slid off the stool and swallowed hard, taking a drink of water before calling to him. "Uh, Merle?"

"What?"

"I—"

The front door opened, Sophia and Paige ran inside, Carol and Daryl right behind them, and he closed the door. Amy's throat closed, and she told him never mind. She knew the girls would rush upstairs to see Bella. That's what they did every time they came home. Only after Bella slipped away under Daryl's dresser did they come and acknowledge that they were people in the house.

Today, they didn't.

"Mom." Paige ran over to her. "I made something for you."

"Oh?" She knelt down. "What?" She helped her take off her backpack and Paige dug through it, pulling out a beaded bracelet. It was silver and gold with a white rose every five beads. "You made this?"

She nodded. "With Sophia and Jeanette. Do you like it?"

"I love it." She smiled at Paige's smile. "It's beautiful."

"Mommy, I have one for you too." Sophia held it out.

"Oh, it's so cute." She looked it over. There were two types of blues and white with one pink heart. "These are all my favorite colors."

She smiled. "I made one for Daddy too, but I don't know if he'll like it."

"Don't be silly." She slipped it on. "He'll love it."

She started to walk over to him, but stopped. "Later. He's busy."

"Okay, that's fine." She hugged her. "Thank you for the bracelet."

Daryl tossed his keys onto the counter, grabbing a can of soda. "I'm gonna run down to the shop, help T out."

"Are you sure?" Carol moved hair off her face.

He nodded. "As long as you don't mind taking care of the fuzzball."

"That's fine." Sophia grinned. "We can!"

Paige noticed a man on the couch, and she walked over to him as Carol, Amy and Daryl talked. She peered over the back of the couch at him, seeing his lips, stubble and nose then his eyes, which automatically turned to her. She stepped out from behind the couch, studying him, and she noticed his hair and his eyes—they were like hers. "Hi."

"Hey." He scrutinized this little girl. She was the same girl from Amy's. What the hell was she doing here? Was she good friends with Sophia or what?

Amy watched Paige very closely, no longer hearing Daryl, Sophia and Carol. Don't, Amy. You know this is stupid. Stop her.

"How are you?" Paige asked.

"Good. You?" Who the hell was this kid?

"I'm okay." She paused. "Who are you?"

Stop her now! "Hey, Paige, c'mere." Amy stood up, motioning for her to come.

"Okay, Mommy. Bye." She waved at the man and hurried over to her mom. "What?"

"Mommy?!" Merle exclaimed.

Amy picked Paige up. Well, shit. This was why her head screamed no.

"What the hell is goin' on?" Merle was on his feet.

Daryl and Carol exchanged looks, trying to escape, but Merle was blocking the door now, so they all but ran upstairs to give them privacy and time to talk. This could take them awhile, and it was probably going to be rough.

"Mommy," Merle repeated. "That's your kid?"

She didn't look at him, just held Paige closer, her heart was racing in her chest. She could feel his eyes burning into her face, but she kept her eyes zeroed in on the wall over Paige's shoulder.

"How old is she?" Merle demanded.

"Don't," she whispered. "Honey, don't answer him."

"How old, Amy?!" he shouted.

"I'm five," Paige answered, looking from her mom to the mysterious man. "Why?"

Merle's eyes widened. "F—f—fi—?"

She interrupted him, "Merle, please—"

"Merle?" Paige looked at him then smiled widely. "Merle! You're my dad!"

Amy frowned. "What? How did you—?"

"I heard you and Carol talking." She glanced at her mom momentarily then back at the man who was her dad. "You said Merle was my dad. Right?"

Merle stared at her, and Amy nodded. "Yes, that's I what said."

"Oh, shit." Merle racked his hands through his hair. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

"Hold on." She held up an index finger then dug out her phone and grabbed headphones from Paige's backpack. Plugging the headphones into her phone, she turned to the volume up on a soundtrack, and Paige didn't wince in pain, so hopefully it was loud enough to block them out and not destroy her hearing.

"Calm down." She walked over to him, hands out in a gesture of peace. "Just calm down."

"Calm down?!" he shouted. "Calm down?!"

"Okay, stop yelling!" She pushed him back toward the kitchen. "You need to calm down. You aren't the only one finding out a huge secret."

"When?" he demanded.

"A few days after I left, I think. I'm not sure."

"And when you were sure?"

"I had her, and I'm raising her. What else would I do? Abort her?" She studied him. "Oh, you bastard."

He ignored that. "How long have you known?"

"Known that she was yours?" He nodded. "Always. There wasn't anyone after you, Merle. You were...something to me once, and I wasn't going to risk exposing her to someone vile, so yeah it's always been you."

"She's really five?" His mouth dried out. He had a five-year-old?

"Yes, she is really five." Amy smiled. "She likes school. She's really good at math. I don't know how, because I'm horrible at it. Maybe she gets it from you."

"School?" Was he dreaming? Was this some weird ass dream? What the fuck?

"Uh-huh. She's very intelligent for her age. She gets that from my side. Er, no offense."

"Well, it's true." He eyed the little girl, his mind reeling, and he didn't know if he was pissed off at her, at himself or if he wanted to go and talk the kid. He wasn't sure it was a good idea. He was no father. He was no role model. Amy made the best choice. Keeping that kid from him was the best choice.

"She's the best of us," Amy told him.

"I—I gotta get outta here."

She frowned. "What? N—no, no, you can't just leave." She stepped in front of him, hand on his chest to stop him. "Merle, she knows about you now. You can't run."

"Move or I'll move you."

"For the love of God, man up, Merle. You have a child, and I know that scares me. Hell, it scares me too, even now, but now that you know about her, you owe her a decent introduction. I will not let you walk out on her, not right now."

"I didn't ask for this," he hissed.

"And I did?" She kept her voice low. "I never wanted a child at sixteen, but I accepted it and grew up to raise her. You need to grow up and accept that you have a daughter as well. All I want from you is to talk to her just this once. Say hello and tell her your name. That's all you have to do."

"You want me to just—just waltz over there and just hi? Bullshit."

"I don't need a father figure for my kid, Merle. Please, just do this for me."

He stared at her. "Why did you do this?"

"Excuse me?" She crossed her arms.

"You know 'bout me, 'bout my father, so why did you do this to me?"

"I didn't do anything. It took the two of us to make her, and you know how we were back then." She shook her head. "Look, just go and say hello. That's all I want. You don't owe me anything, but you do owe her."

"Is that why you screwed me so good? Try and cushion the blow?"

"God, no. What happened between us had nothing to do this her. That was...stupid and selfish. Pretend it didn't happen, if you want. I don't care." She glanced at Paige, who was knocking her knees together, studying the floor. She loved her daughter unconditionally, and she knew how much this meant to Paige. "Just five minutes. Please, Merle, please."

"Amy—don't."

"You owe her this," she snapped. "Not to mention, you used me for almost a year, and you hit me."

"I protected you these past five years," he growled. "Why the hell do you think Tomas wasn't botherin' you?"

"Merle, please! God, stop fighting with me!" She searched his eyes. "There has to be enough here for you to feel some obligation to me. So you go and say hello to your daughter."

He was silent for a long time, and she couldn't tell if he was going go over there or just leave. She was very nervous.

"Merle?"

He stepped back away from her and went over to the little girl, she looked up at him with big smiling eyes, and he pushed the headphones down gently. She had the same curly hair as he did, the same eyes, but the rest was Amy. She was beautiful and innocent and...his.

She didn't want to make him uncomfortable, because he looked so pale and uncomfortable already. She didn't want to call him dad just yet. He didn't look ready for it. She wasn't ready for it. "I'm Paige."

"I'm—I'm Merle."

"It's nice to meet you, Merle." She brought her legs in closer. "You can sit. There's room."

He sat down on the stairs beside her, but said nothing. He felt like the world was shaking. It was more potent than any alcohol, whatever it was he was feeling. How did this happen? She'd been here for five years and he had no clue. Fuck, life was so damn easy two minutes ago. Now it was all shit.

"I wished for you," Paige told him, "for my father."

"Father?" he muttered.

"Mommy told me if I wished real hard, it would happen, so I did. You finally came." She looked up at him with those big blue-gray eyes.

Amy leaned against the island, watching Paige talk to him, and she crossed her arms, wanting to smile, but she felt wrong. That voice was no longer scream, but she felt so sick. She didn't like that she felt like this. She worried she would regret ever letting Paige go over to him. It was probably nothing. She was just nervous. This was a big moment, after all. Paige was meeting her father, and Amy no longer had her all to herself. She would know Sophia was her cousin, and that was it. They were all a big family, and it was so great, but so difficult. It's always been the two of them, and now it's like the fifteen of them.

"Merle? Are you okay?"

Amy glanced up. "What is it?"

He was standing up, and he shook his head, walking to the door. "Fuck this," he muttered, snatching his coat on the way, and Paige stood up, calling after him, but he didn't stop. He walked out of the house.

"Merle!" Amy shouted after him. "Merle!"

"Merle?" Paige whispered. "...Dad...?"

"You son of a bitch." She didn't have time to be pissed, because Paige started to cry. She rushed over to her as she began to weep so hard her entire body shook. "It's all right. It's all right. I'm here." She held her tight.

"I wished really hard." She sobbed.

Daryl came downstairs with Carol and Sophia when Amy screamed after Merle at the top of her lungs, the anger practically visible, and at the sight of Paige bawling, he went after Merle. He wasn't going to let him off that easily.

"Shh." Amy rubbed her back.

"It didn't work." Paige buried her face in her mom's shirt.

Sophia kept asking what had happened, and her mom shook her head, telling her nothing. "Paige?"

"Not now, sweetie." Amy carried Paige to their bedroom, sitting down on Paige's bed, smoothing her hair down and rocking her. She should've never accepted Merle back into her life. That was stupid. She knew it wasn't going to end well. It didn't end well the last time. She was so stupid, and Paige was paying for it. She didn't want this. She never wanted this.

––

Carol set a cup of chocolate milk down beside Sophia as she watched TV. Daryl hadn't come home or called, and it was evening now. Amy hadn't come downstairs, but when Carol went upstairs a couple hours ago, she could hear Paige crying. It broke her heart. She knew Merle was going to do that. That's why she wanted to convince Daryl they shouldn't meet. It was a monumental disaster; Amy and Carol both knew this would happen. Merle was selfish. He wasn't going to just turn over a new leaf, because Amy had his child. If this could've been prevented... Well, it happened, and Paige won't forget this. That poor little girl.

"Is Paige all right?" Sophia asked, not wanting to watch TV anymore. She knew Paige was very upset, but her mom wouldn't let her go upstairs and talk to her.

"I don't know."

"Why did Merle make her cry? Is he a bully?"

"Merle is...complicated."

"How?"

"He had a hard life, and it's changed him. He's not ready for kids. He might never be."

"But—but Daddy is!"

"Daryl's different than Merle."

"Different?"

"I don't know how to explain it, baby. He just is."

She nodded. "Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"What's Merle to me?"

"He's your uncle."

"And Paige?"

"She's your cousin."

"So, Amy's my aunt? Like Sasha?"

"Yes, I suppose she is."

She nodded then slowly smiled. "We make a family."

"Yeah, we do."

Sophia smiled happily. She'd always wanted a big family, and their family kept growing and growing. She had a cousin, and soon baby cousins! She hoped to have siblings someday. She wanted to have siblings like her Uncle Shawn and Aunt Beth and Maggie, and she wanted her mom and dad to be together. They were happier when they were together, but...Amy and Merle weren't happy. Why weren't Amy and Merle happy? Why was Paige crying? Was Merle liked Ed?

––

Amy tucked hair behind Paige's ear, dropping her hand and rubbing her stomach lightly, like she used to do when she was an infant. Paige had stopped crying, but she was so deeply hurt. Amy could understand. Paige has been dreaming about Merle for years; he was her birthday wish and her wish on every first star she saw. And when they finally met, he bailed. Paige may not understand why, but Amy could try explain it to her at least.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Paige whispered.

"No. No, it wasn't your fault." It was her fault. She knew he wasn't ready. She backed him into a corner, and that was wrong. She was so stupid. "Merle is just...complicated. He left, because he was scared."

"Of me." She turned her head to look at her mom. "He doesn't want me."

"I don't know, honey."

She rolled over, scooting back on the bed to face her mom, and she lowered her eyes. "Did you want me?"

"Yes, of course I wanted you! That's not even a question!" She set her hand over Paige's. "I love you so much, Paige. You're everything I've ever wanted, and the timing doesn't matter. You're my daughter, and I love you, no matter what."

"I love you too."

"I know I should've told you about Merle, but I wanted you all to myself. You're the only family I've had for such a long time." Her eyes burned, her voice was thick. "You know what I mean?"

She nodded.

Amy paused, looking at the bee pin in Paige's hair, trying to push the tears and emotions back. "Do you want to know about Merle?"

She pursed her lips, but nodded.

"Well, Merle came from a bad home. His dad was a very bad man, and he would hurt Merle."

She frowned. "Hurt him?"

"Yes. He would hit him."

"That's awful."

"I think that's why Merle doesn't want to be a father. I think he's afraid he'll turn out like his own dad, and he couldn't bear that."

"Did he hit you?"

"Once, but I hit him too."

"Why?"

"We were fighting, and it went too far."

"Fighing about what? Me?"

"No, this was before I knew I was having you. We were together then, but I left him."

"You left? But you loved him, didn't you?"

Oh, boy. "Love is complicated, and sometimes you have to leave for everything to work out. Time allows people to figure out what they want." She rubbed her thumb over Paige's hand. "We have had some very complicated times, but I wouldn't change a single thing."

"Do you love him still?"

"These past years...I've thought a lot about him," she confessed. "A long time ago, I liked Merle very much, but my feelings are in the past."

She nodded. "What else can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he's strong—so strong. He would die to protect someone he loves, which is where you get it from. He's the reason Tomas didn't come after us for so long."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "He's so rough, but he's so gentle sometimes." He only showed that side to her, she believed. "He's the reason you have this mess of curly brown hair. I prayed day and night you'd get my hair, but no, you just had to have his."

Paige giggled. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She beamed. "It goes well with your eyes, which Merle gave you too."

"I like your eyes, Mommy. They're so pretty."

"Thanks. They are the same color as everyone else in my family. I'm glad you broke that cycle."

A beat.

"Will I ever get to know him?"

"I don't know, kiddo. Maybe."

She sighed softly then lifted her eyes. "Wait, we have more family?"

Amy nodded.

Her face brightened. "I have grandparents?"

"Yeah." Amy met her eyes. "And an aunt."

"Can I meet them?"

"Are you sure?" Amy was the one who wasn't sure. She hadn't seen her family in so long, and so much has changed.

"I'm sure."

She smirked. "For someone so small, you are so brave." She kissed her forehead. "We'll meet Andrea first. She's my older sister and your aunt."

"Andrea. Heh, it's a pretty name."

"Yeah." She shook her head. "She is going to love you."

Paige laughed softly. "I hope so."

"We'll ditch school and go have lunch with her. Sound like fun?"

"Can we go after?"

"Fine, but one day you'll be begging me to let you ditch school, and I will bring up this moment."

"Uh-huh."

"You will. Or we can go on Saturday. How does that sound?"

"It sounds good." She propped her head up on her hand. "Tell me my aunt."

"Well, she's an overachiever," Amy began, recalling what she knew about Andrea when they were young. She didn't want to think about meeting Andrea, but she was going to have to start thinking about it. She would call Andrea's assistant and see when she was off next or see if she was in to talk to her. She would have to buy something to wear if she was going to see her parents again. She would have to look the part, but not Paige. She wasn't going to become a Horvath. She wasn't. She wasn't a Dixon either. She was a Harrison, a perfect in between.