A/N: Things were probably going too well between our two ladies, right? Looks like things are about to get a bit more interesting.
"Hey - Ash…"
It was a rare morning that Ashley Davies woke up feeling refreshed, but today already had the promise of being a very good day, even if it was only riding on the coat-tails of yesterday. Normally, Ashley's sleep was fitful – interrupted by less-than-pleasant dreams she never quite remembered – but last night Ashley had gone to bed with a smile on her face. Apparently, the echoes of Spencer's laughter put her mind at ease. Who knew?
"Hello!? Earth to Ashley!"
Ashley slid the filter drawer of the coffee maker closed and leaned back against the counter to listen to the machine whir and click. God, she loved that smell – maybe Spencer would want some coffee. Or was it too early for that? Ashley rubbed her hands up and down her arms to warm herself up a bit in the cool kitchen as she considered her internal debate.
"Hey, Dinkface Bumpkinhead!"
Ashley finally stirred realizing that apparently her sister had been calling her from over at the kitchen table where she was nestled within what looked suspiciously like a fortress of textbooks.
Kyla was slouched low in her seat hiding behind one of her giant tomes, clearly prepared for evasive maneuvering. The other Davies seemed to be expecting some sort of retaliation for using the old nickname, but Ashley was in too good of a mood to offer anything more than a distracted, "Mmm?"
"I'm trying to study, and you're humming," Kyla told her.
"Don't be ridiculous," Ashley scoffed. "I'm not humming." She totally wasn't, right?
"You're definitely humming. Was that Frank Sinatra? That was definitely Frank Sinatra!"
Ashley paused. A quick glance down at her left hand confirmed that she was absentmindedly forming the chords to 'The Way You Look Tonight.' That was somewhat out of character.
"It's like 8:00 AM Ash," Kyla prompted, obviously wanting an explanation. "Why are you even awake?"
"Places to be, junior." Ashley redirected her traitorous fingers to drum against the coffee maker as it hissed dark roast into her travel mug, but Ol Blue Eyes continued to croon in her head anyway.
Kyla rolled her eyes. "Somebody must have had a good date with Spencer last night."
"It wasn't a date," Ashley muttered around her first sip, sighing as the warm brew trickled down her throat.
"Oh, sure, right. You took a girl that you totally have the hots for out on an elaborately planned evening filled with all of her favorite things, and she - I can only assume based on the humming - must have responded in a generally positive manner," Kyla shook her head with humor. "That's what the kids are calling a 'date' these days, old timer."
Ashley rolled her eyes, saying nothing to deny any of that, but instead making a point to gently cuff the back of Kyla's head as she walked by to slip her blazer off of a chair.
"Whoa, what's with the power suit?" Kyla asked, momentarily distracted.
"Ethie dearest and I have an interview with Dianne Sawyer this morning. It's supposed to be something about being a young politician surrounded by older colleagues, but is really a set-up for him to announce his Senate run. It'll be on the news later tonight."
At the change of subject, Kyla finally lowered her book/shield to the table and used one finger to push her nerdy study glasses up from where they had slid down her nose. "Should I be prepared to decipher any more thinly veiled gay-power comments meant to antagonize mother and conservative America?"
"Who can say what this 'entitled airhead' is going to come out with next?" Ashley asked with a cheeky grin, "I'm feeling oddly optimistic about today." She wandered over to the couch to pull on her pumps.
"Dear lord," Kyla replied with a chuckle, "If that's not an omen for political chaos, I don't know what is."
"Damn straight," Ashley grinned. Little sister had no idea. Ashley had even prepared notes – shit was about to get serious in this crusade of hers.
Moments later, there was a knock at the door. "I got it!" Kyla leaped up, eager for an excuse to continue to procrastinate writing her massive West African politics paper. She bounded across the living room and opened the door to find Sergeant Carlin shifting uncomfortably on the other side.
Something was off about the Marine, though Kyla had trouble putting her finger on exactly what was wrong. The blonde stood as tall as ever, her clothes and hair neat like always– but there was also a tiredness to her that Kyla hadn't seen since Carlin's first days at the White House.
"Is everything all right?" The younger Davies asked hesitantly.
"Uh, I appreciate your concern Ms. Davies," Spencer nodded distractedly, glancing over Kyla's shoulder, "but is Ashley around? I need to talk to her." Kyla noted that none of that was actually any sort of answer to her question, but she shrugged, pivoted to the side, and gestured with a sweep of her arm to where Ashley sat over on the couch.
Spencer closed the distance between them in a few long strides. "Ashley, I really need to…" Spencer interrupted herself, seemingly distracted from whatever she had been meaning to say as she looked down at the First Daughter. "You're all dressed up," she noted with some confusion.
Ashley couldn't help but smile at seeing her Marine again. "Yeah, got that big interview with my doting fiancé this morning, remember?"
"Oh, right, right" Spencer nodded to herself a few more times than was probably necessary. "He's announcing his Senate run. You'll have a big audience to speak to – you'll need to be on your A-game to sneak your commentary into the final edit of the interview."
More nodding. That was a little weird, but ...okay.
"Definitely got a little something, something up my sleeve," Ashley gave her a nose-crinkling smile as she stood to brush the creases out of her slacks. She was pleased to note that she and Spencer were almost the same height in these heels. "Anyway, what's up Sarge? You're supposed to have the morning off right? …Not that I pay attention to your schedule or anything," she amended hurriedly.
"Oh, yeah," Spencer paused, seemingly caught off guard. "Sorry, I don't want to distract you, I just… I just wanted to say thank you again for last night. I had a really amazing time – it was one of those days that shines so brightly in your memory, that when you think back to it, it has the power to make even a dark day just a little brighter… all of which sounds incredibly corny when I say it out loud, but it's the truth, and I just wanted you to know how much it meant to me." Ashley was impressed to see that Spencer blushed at the poetic admission.
Who knew the Marine had that in her?
"Jeeze Carlin," Ashley gave her a playful shove that was absolutely not just an excuse to touch her. "If you think THAT was something, just wait until your birthday! Not that I have anything planned, or anything, of course…"
Spencer smiled softly, shaking her head a little bit. "You really are something Ashley Davies."
"That's right - something beautiful, smart, compassionate, and sexy as hell," Ashley winked, unable to keep herself from flirting. Who did flirting hurt anyway? No one, Ashley was convinced.
"And egomaniacal!" Kyla shouted from the next room.
Ashley flipped her the bird over her shoulder without surrendering an inch of her smirk or breaking her eye contact with Spencer.
"Some combination of that," Spencer chuckled, blue eyes sparkling.
"All right, well you can gush about how amazing I am later Carlin, for now I gotta run, I'll see you tonight!" And with that, Ashley had brushed past her to rush off down the hall.
All Spencer could do was watch her and sigh.
It was a good thing that Ashley's makeup artist had matted her down with like a pound of loose powder, because the bright lights of the interview sound stage were making her sweat like a fat man riding the Metro on the 4th of July.
Super unpleasant.
It didn't help that Ashley was also just a little nervous about what she was about to do.
As Ethan continued to rattle off meaningless statistics in answer to a question completely different than the one that Dianne Sawyer had actually asked minutes prior, Ashley tried to give herself a little pep talk.
This was it.
This was her time.
The Republican National Convention was just around the corner – if she didn't begin to put her plan into motion now, then her mother would get the official nod to run for another 4 years of presidency. Ashley couldn't handle that sort of future, and she knew America couldn't either.
Gay rights needed to become a campaign issue, and Americans needed appreciate how her mother's policies were not just a display of bigotry, but were actually a violation of basic human rights. She wasn't going to come out out, but she had to say something.
To come out now would be a distraction and would take away from her credibility as an Ally anyway. Not to mention it would break the more definite terms of her truce with her mother and put Spencer at risk of redeployment. Ashley wasn't stupid enough to let that happen – she hoped.
Still, the backlash was going to sting like a bitch.
The actual bitch-slap she was sure to get from her mother was probably going to sting like a bitch too, but Ashley tried not to think about that. She'd dealt with her mother's psychological, and at times physical, abuse for years. Ashley could handle it as long as was needed to see this thing through.
And if she didn't see this through, who would?
To her left, Ethan was still going on and on about tax breaks or something. "It's simple math Dianne," he was saying with a pasted-on smile. "Real simple. More money at the top means more money at the bottom." He was leaning forward now, trying to appear eager and earnest, Ashley imagined. "More money all around means more money for our families – and I don't think I need to tell you that they are the foundation of this great nation!"
Dianne had the decency to nod as though she understood how all of this was related to her previous question about Iran. "That was… very enlightening Congressman." The reporter hesitated, obviously trying to formulate a way to get the interview back on track. This wasn't a live interview, so she took a few moments to shuffle through her notes.
Ashley risked a glance over at the camera to confirm that the red light indicating that they were rolling was still alight. She took a deep breath, scooted forward a bit on the couch she shared with her fake fiancé, and then took her window.
"You know Dianne, I think Ethie is just so right about all of that," Ashley was encouraged by Ethan's slight shift of annoyance at her interruption. He hated when she used the pet-name she had picked up from his grandmother in front of the media, but he kept his fake smile pasted on his face anyway.
"Families are completely the backbone of this country," Ashley continued, "They are where we learn our most important values – faith, duty, trust, honor, love. That's kind of what's amazing about the United States, you know? That families of so many different backgrounds can still manage to instill those same core values into their children, and that those children –whether they are boys or girls, black or white, religious or atheist, or even gay or straight – can in turn carry those values forward to continue to make this country great."
If the studio was quiet for filming before, you could have heard a pin drop after Ashley dropped the G-word. Dianne Sawyer no longer seemed to care about whatever her notes had said, and Ethan had reached out to catch a none-to-gentle grip on Ashley's knee.
"Ashley," he warned through his ever-present smile. It was looking a little more like a grimace now, but teeth were teeth, right?
Ashley ignored the warning, and shook free of his grip to stand up.
She had to fight hard to work her face into something that resembled deep regret instead of semi-psychotic glee as she twisted the engagement ring off her finger and held it out before her in her palm so that the cameras could get a good shot of it.
"Ethie, that's why it's with my deepest regret and sorrow that I have to give this ring back to you. I think the whole country knows how much we care about each other. Marrying you and starting a family with you would be a privilege Ethie, but I cannot in good faith do that when millions of law-abiding, tax-paying American citizens don't have that same privilege."
Whatever Ethan thought she was going to say, he was definitely not expecting this. He was turning a rather impressive shade of scarlet, and kept shifting his eyes back and forth between the ring in Ashley's palm and the camera over Dianne Sawyer's shoulder, all the while still gritting his teeth.
"Who are we to say that being gay means you can't care for a spouse like a man and a woman can care for one another? Who are we to say that being gay means you can't raise good, decent children to be the future leaders of this country? Who are we to say that being gay means you are not smart enough for Federal financial aid for higher education, or wise enough to judge cases of federal law, or brave enough to serve in our armed forces? Who are we to have any say over who you are allowed to love, any more than we have a say to what religion you practice, or what you publish in the free press, or who you vote for in the up-coming elections?"
"Stop!" Ethan barked, jumping to his feet. He jabbed a finger in the direction of the camera crew. "And you, stop filming, immediately! I need a moment to talk to my fiancé!"
"Well folks, let's take a break, I guess" Dianne told the crew, obviously not really understanding what was going on, but somewhat reluctant to step away from what was shaping up to be a much more interesting interview that she had anticipated.
"What the hell was that Ashley?" Ethan steamed, whirling to face her directly. "You are not allowed to speak out with bullshit like that! Do you know how this makes me looks? Your mother and I had an agreement!" If Ashley had felt the tiniest bit bad about going back on her agreement to marry him, the career-centered response to her rejection eased her guilt.
"That was the truth Ethan, and I'm not going to refrain from speaking it anymore." She held out her palm to him again. "Take your ring, and consider this reality check a favor. History never looks fondly upon those who would oppress their fellow man. You'll thank me in a hundred years when your face isn't plastered all over middle school textbooks next to the likes of Amin, Stalin and Mao."
"You listen to me…"He moved to take a step closer to her, but then there was suddenly a very solid human shield by the name of Sean between them.
"You'll need to take a step back Congressman," The Secret Service agent told the fuming politician. Ashley shot Ethan a cheeky grin over her substitute bodyguard's shoulder, and then stuck out her tongue for good measure.
"Get out of my way!" Ethan roared, trying to shove past a very un-shove-able Sean. "She and I are going to have some words."
"I think all of the words have been said Congressman." Sean's reply was icy sharp and Ashley loved it. He was no Spencer, but Ashley decided that he wasn't half bad.
"You'll regret this Ashley." Ethan said, jabbing his finger in her direction again. "Mark my words!"
"Are you threatening the First Daughter, Congressman? Because I can assure you that we take all such threats very, very seriously." Sean told him coolly, holding one hand out to create more distance between Ethan and Ashley and making a strange gesture with the other.
"I have a lot of regrets Rayne, but I promise you, this isn't going to be one of them. Here," She tossed the ring over Sean's shoulder in Ethan's general direction, "Take this back, I never wanted it to begin with, you know that."
"You listen to me Davies…" but it turned out that Ashley in fact did not have to listen to him anymore because before he could finish, he was bookended by two more Secret Service agents. Ashley realized that Sean's strange gesture moments before had likely been a signal for them to step in as back up. The backup agents each grabbed a gentle but firm hold of one of Ethan's elbows and led the fuming congressmen away to cool down.
There were some perks to being the president's daughter, it seemed – at least until the aforementioned president got word of all of this.
Ashley hoped she might have a few more hours before that happened. At least enough time to get back to the White House, change, and get out of the blast zone before Christine found out about all of this and blew her shit.
"Excuse me, Ms. Davies?" Ashley turned to find a wide-eyes Dianne Sawyer standing just behind her. "I'm not certain… did you want… can we air any of that in the final cut?" The reporter hesitated a moment. "I can't help but suspect that given your recent interactions with the media, you were intentionally trying to make a statement."
Ashley smiled. "I'm sure Ethan's people will demand some editing control over all footage of him, but about what I said? I already signed the release, please feel free to use whatever you think will make the best story. Just one request?"
"Oh course," Dianne nodded, waiting for the stipulation.
"Can you just, I don't know, maybe forget to send the final pre-air edit to my mother's office? My sister's got a huge paper due tomorrow and she's not going to be able to get any work done if World War III is going on at the White House, if you catch my drift."
"I think my crew is looking pretty forgetful already." The reporter winked and reached out to shake her hand. "Good luck Ms. Davies, I get the feeling that you are going to need it!"
Across the district, Kyla and Chelsea were settling down to enjoy a quick coffee break between morning classes. Kyla appreciated the quiet moment to sit outside now that spring was finally creeping in through the campus. The White House always felt like more of her mother's turf – but campus was territory that was distinctly her own. Even if Kyla was always kept somewhat apart from the rest of her peers by her position as First-Daughter, it was nice to pretend sometimes that she was just another university student.
Kyla and her Marine bodyguard sat down together on a bench in the quad, basking in the sunlight. Kyla couldn't help but notice the slight tension in her friend's body and was somewhat relieved when Chelsea finally broke the pregnant silence.
"Hey, Kyla," the Marine shifted on the bench to turn and look more directly at the younger Davies. "I was hoping I could talk to you about something. It concerns Ashley and Sergeant Carlin too,"
"Yeah sure, does this have anything to do with last night?" Kyla had been waiting for something like this all morning. She knew that Spencer and Chelsea were practically sisters, and if Kyla knew about Spencer and Ashley's not-date, then Chelsea probably did too. She mentally geared herself up to try and convince Chelsea that this thing her sister and her bodyguard were having was not going to affect their security.
Chelsea looked surprised, "You know already?"
"Of course, Ashley may be good at keeping secrets from the media and the rest of the country, but she's pretty much an open book to me."
"Ashley knows?" Chelsea looked confused.
"Of course, she knows, she's… wait," Kyla took a moment to appreciate the resignation in Chelsea's face, and what looked suspiciously like a hint of fear in her eyes. What would make a bad-ass Marine Corporal like Chelsea look that shaken? "Why do I get the idea that we're not talking about the same thing?" Her heart leapt up into her throat.
"This isn't an easy thing for me to say, but I wanted to tell you before you heard it from someone else." Chelsea ran a shaky hand through her braids, taking a deep breath before finally meeting Kyla's questioning gaze. "Sergeant Carlin and I are being re-deployed to Afghanistan. Tomorrow."
"Oh god, no!" Kyla breathed, finally understanding. She was about to lose one of her best friends, and Ashley was about to lose the person who was quickly becoming her everything.
Her sister definitely did not know.
But she needed to.
Ashley had been riding one hell of a high after finally speaking her mind in that interview.
But that high had died real fast. It had taken her a while to get to the bottom of Kyla's "Can you believe this?!" text but needless to say, Kyla had eventually revealed what everyone else had failed to tell her.
And now, Ashley Davies was pissed off.
She marched up to the familiar mahogany door, but this time instead of knocking, she just stormed the hell right in.
The Oval Office was far too bright for Ashley's stormy mood. Christine was talking to one of her cabinet members, the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development (a scumbag that Ashley was sure was pocketing money from the program somehow) over drinks.
"What the hell is your problem!?" Ashley cried, trying not to notice how her mother's Secret Service agents were sidling in closer as if they planned to detain her this time.
"Oh Ashley," her mother sighed in her best exasperated-mother tone as she glanced over at the HUD secretary, "Must you always carry on with these dramatic tantrums? You are getting far too old for this. Marvin, would you excuse us?"
The HUD secretary, sensing a brewing storm between the two Davies women, bid them a hasty adieu and booked it for the exit.
Christine rose to her feet to meet Ashley on eye-level. "What in God's name made you think that you have the right to storm into my office and make me look like I don't have control over my own daughter in front of one of my cabinet members?" She seethed, gripping her tumbler with a white fist. She got right up in Ashley's face, expecting her to back down.
But this time, Ashley was having none of that. "You can't just play with people's lives like this Christine!" It was taking every ounce of her limited self-control to keep herself from reaching out to grab a chunk of her mother's fake-ass salt and pepper hair.
"I don't know what on earth you are talking about Ashley Marie, but you are completely out of line child!" The veins at the president's temples were standing out now – Ashley's usual sign to back down before her mother completely lost it - but Ashley didn't care.
"Spencer, mother! Spencer and Chelsea. Our bodyguards. What the hell could I have possibly done to piss you off enough ship them off back in to hell!?" Ashley's tirade was met with somewhat of a stunned silence as the two Davies women stood toe to toe.
"That's what this is about?" Christine asked, ending the stand-off with a patronizing laugh. "That's what has you all worked up?" Chuckling, she turned away to refill her tumbler from the decanter on her desk. "Ashley dear, I thought I told you before that your little crush was unacceptable."
The dismissal of her feelings was like a shot to the gut, but Ashley refused to let her mother see any weakness. She tightened her balled fists until she was sure that her fingernails were going to draw blood from her palms.
"Why didn't you just tell me? I would have… I would have at least tried to fall back into line. I had to find out now, like this, from Kyla? When it's too late to…"
"You found out from Kyla?" Christine chuckled, taking a gulp of her scotch. "I think that rather says a lot about what Sergeant Carlin thinks about you and your puppy love, that she didn't tell you herself, doesn't it? Poor dear is probably relieved to finally get away from your whimpering and slobbering."
Another shot to the gut. Her mother knew just how to cut her down with words that might as well have been venom.
Ashley forced herself to breathe, to ignore her mother's remarks, to maintain her fire. She didn't know anything about her and Spencer. She couldn't even begin to comprehend their… whatever it was.
"We had a deal Christine!" Ashley choked out.
"I don't recall making any such deal." Christine replied, calmly – like she knew she had already won this particular battle of wills. She leaned against the side of her desk like she didn't have a care in the world.
"You said that if I didn't play nice and accept Ethan's proposal that you were going to ship Spencer back to Afghanistan. Well I've played hella nice," …as far as her mother knew, for now. Ashley still had six hours before the interview aired. "I've kept my head down, I've been the perfect dotting daughter, I've done everything you've asked of me. Everything!"
Christine peered over the glasses at the tip of her nose. "You seem to be struggling with the concept of a deal, Ashley. That wasn't a deal, that was a threat. I made no promises to you."
Ice crept into Ashley's veins.
She'd been played.
"You bitch," Ashley breathed through the tightening lump in her throat.
"Look Ashley darling," Christine began with a patronizing smirk, swirling the liquor around in her glass. "Whether you choose to believe it or not, I don't actually go out my way to make you miserable. You seem to do a fine job of that yourself with all of your life choices. And I actually like Carlin, for all that she almost attacked me that one time. Lewis too. Those Marines have been good for you and your sister. It's almost like you two had grown up. I didn't request their reassignment."
"What?" Ashley had to reach out to catch the back of one of the chairs next to her to keep herself up right.
"The request for their transfer came through the military chain of command. There are very few people trained to do the sort of work that Sergeant Carlin and Corporal Lewis do, and I've heard time and again that they are the best. I've been very pleased with their work here but there's a need for their services elsewhere. It's a matter of national security, and it's more important than babysitting you and your sister, at the moment. Believe it or not, the world does not actually revolve around you Ashley."
"Make it stop." Ashley demanded. "Make it stop!"
But Christine did nothing more than laugh.
It hadn't taken Spencer long to figure out that Ashley knew.
Spencer didn't know how she'd found out, but Ashley definitely knew and she was definitely pissed off.
The Marine had spent most of the afternoon packing up her meager possessions back into her duffle in preparation for her 10 AM departure the next morning, all the while glancing at the clock and waiting until she knew Ashley would be back from her interview so that she could finally talk to her about her redeployment.
Spencer did not like to think of herself as a coward. She'd done a lot of things in her young life that most people would call brave or crazy or both. Chickening out of telling Ashley about her departure earlier this morning had not been one of them.
But Ashley had just looked so… happy and content. And the First-Daughter had been about to carry out a particularly important mission of her own. Spencer just hadn't been able to make herself tear all of that away.
Hurting Ashley wasn't something she ever wanted to do, but she'd managed to do it anyway.
Because when she'd knocked on Ashley's door two hours earlier, the Ashley who answered was already drunk and wearing the kind of dress that made Miley Cyrus look like a soccer mom.
"Get your coat and get Lewis." Ashley had snapped at her before Spencer could even get her head around Ashley's 180 degree attitude change from this morning.
"Ashley," Spencer tried to speak, but the Davies girl was having none of it. "Get your ass out here Kyla!" She called over her shoulder. To Spencer, she merely said, "We're going out."
"Out" apparently meant the Davies' first appearance at Grey in weeks, and lots and lots of tequila.
If Spencer had imagined what her last night with Ashley Davies would be like, it definitely would not involve watching Ashley sandwiching herself between two other scantily clad girls, grinding to house music load enough to burst an eardrum, and letting hands roam freely – which was what was happening now.
Kyla had made some attempts to contain her sister after they had first arrived at the club, but even she recognized the futility of trying to contain Hurricane Ashley on a night like this. Eventually, however, she had patted Spencer on the shoulder sympathetically before retreating with Chelsea to a quiet booth in the corner so that the two friends could try and enjoy a little more time together before weekly emails replaced daily chats.
For Spencer there was no escape. Just as Chelsea had warned her months ago, being Ashley's bodyguard – even for just a few more hours – meant that Spencer wasn't allowed to walk away from the pain of watching Ashley be like this.
So Spencer had stood guard and watched.
Watched as Ashley let another girl's hands wander up her skirt. Watched as Ashley did body shots off of some skanky sorority girl. Watched as Ashley's tongue swirled in the hollow of some other girl's throat.
As it turned out, what Spencer could not watch was Ashley let some leggy bottle-blonde attempt to lead her in the direction of the bathroom. As Ashley had trailed behind the other woman, connected to her only by weakly gripped fingers, she'd caught Spencer's eye.
It'd only been for a moment but it was enough for Spencer to see that this was not how Ashley had really wanted this evening to go either. Enough for Spencer to see that Ashley was hurting just as much as Spencer was.
Before she quite realized what she was doing, Spencer was stepping into the path of Ashley's friend-to-be.
"Uh, excuse you!" The woman scoffed at the Marine. "Move before I make you move." Ashley was doing her best to look disinterested, but Spencer noticed that she dropped the chick's hand anyway.
Spencer merely raised an eyebrow. "I'm cutting in," she yelled to the blonde over the blaring music.
"Who the hell do you think…" But before Barbie could finish her insult, Spencer had ducked around her, caught Ashley's elbow, and disappeared them both into the crowd of writhing bodies.
"What the hell Carlin!" Ashley slurred, refusing to meet her gaze and instead giving Spencer a half-hearted shove when the Marine had finally led them toward a relatively quiet corner of the dance floor.
"Tell me that you really wanted to sleep with that girl - that you weren't just trying to hurt me, or yourself, or both of us -and I'll lead you back to her right now." Spencer challenged back, not having to yell as loudly now that they were farther away from the club speakers.
Ashley tried to glare up at her, but her eyes were watery and betrayed sadness through her guise of not giving a shit. She slumped forward to rest her forehead on Spencer's chest. Her arms circled Spencer's waist tightly. "Were you even going to tell me?" She asked dejectedly.
"Ashley," Spencer slipped one arm loosely around Ashley's waist and let the other drift up to cradle the back of her neck.
"You just let me go through the day thinking that it was just an ordinary day." Ashley mumbled just loudly enough for Spencer to understand her over the thumping bass.
Spencer leaned down to rest her cheek on Ashley's curls. "I'm sorry Ashley, I found out late last night after our date. I tried to tell you this morning, but I just couldn't."
"Please don't leave Spencer," Ashley begged into her shoulder.
"Ashley," Spencer felt her voice choke in her throat. "I don't want to, but I have to."
At that, Ashley pulled abruptly back out of their embrace. She looked over her shoulder before reaching out to tightly grasp Spencer's hand. Spencer followed as Ashley led them deeper into the back of the club and out an emergency exit into an alleyway outside.
It was quieter out here and Spencer appreciated the cool air and the privacy.
Ashley released her hand, and took a half step backwards. She crossed her arms tightly against her chest and braced herself for whatever she was about to say. Spencer realized from her steady stance and clear eyes that Ashley wasn't nearly as drunk as she made herself out to be before.
"I love you."
Whatever Spencer had been expecting, that wasn't quite it.
"I love you Spencer Carlin, and I don't want to lose you."
Ashley loved her.
As she took a moment to digest that, Spencer found that out of everything that had been said and done this evening, this declaration wasn't a surprise or a revelation at all. Even if she had never said it to her before, Spencer had already known that Ashley loved her because she felt it.
She felt it in Ashley's smile and in her touch. She felt it in her teasing and her rare moments of honest emotion.
Hearing those three words from Ashley wasn't anymore a surprise to Spencer than the nearly uncontrollable urge to say them back.
But Spencer also knew that she wasn't allowed to say those three beautiful words back to Ashley and then just leave. And Spencer also knew that she had no choice but to leave.
Ashley took Spencer's silent struggle for indecision.
"I can see it in your eyes Spencer. I can feel it. This thing that I'm feeling? It's not unrequited." Ashley was practically shouting now, her voice echoing across the empty alleyway.
"No, Ashley, you have no idea how much I do want to be with you," Spencer couldn't help but reach out to take Ashley's hand again. "But there are so many things standing in the way of that right now – my deployment, your battle for the LGBT community; the Marine Corps, your mother," Spencer replied, trying to hold back tears. "We just can't right now Ashley,"
"I'll wait for you then!" Ashley vowed, eyes shining with certainty even as she chewed at her lower lip.
This made Spencer pause. "What?"
"You keep saying 'right now,' and maybe that's our problem. We can't be anything right now, not while I'm battling wills with Christine and you still have another active duty tour ahead of you, I get that. But I can wait. I will wait, if it's for you, if I know you want me too."
"Ashley," Spencer began, "That's not fair to you. What if your mother does get reelected after everything, then what? And my active duty was supposed to end in a few months, sure, but my contract's already been put into forced extension and I'll still be in the reserves for another four years after they finally let me go. You are finally on your way to living the kind of open life you've always dreamed of. With the way the war in Afghanistan is going, I can't promise that I can be the kind woman you deserve." It was hard to say these things, but they were the truth. It didn't matter what Spencer's fantasies might be about them somehow finding a way to be together - their future was anything but bright.
"And who are you to decide what I deserve, huh?" Ashley gave her a little shove again, catching Spencer off guard this time. "If you really insist on giving me what's best for me, you're what's best for me Spencer Carlin – it's you.
I've been lost since my Dad died, and for so long, I didn't know what I wanted for my life, but since you've been here, I've felt more myself than I have in years. I have plans, goals, and idea of a future that's more than just fucking around. Isn't that what we're all supposed to be looking for in this messed up world? Someone who brings out the best in you, and someone who you would do anything for, just to see them smile? When you came into my life, I finally felt complete. So if you want to make me happy Spencer, if you want to do the 'honorable' thing, just let yourself be happy too and just…"
Ashley's last words were muffled by Spencer's lips. She was surprised at first, but she returned the kiss with as much ferocity as Spencer had started it with. It was a kiss that said everything else that needed to be said. It made apologies for the past and promises for the future.
It was perfect a moment and Spencer was lost in it.
So lost that she didn't see the white van turn off the street and into the alleyway where they were standing.
So lost that she didn't hear its engine rev to speed up.
So lost that she didn't hear the shouts of warning from the doorway of the club they had just left.
A/N: Sketchy white van? Well that's never good, is it? You guys geared up for more drama?