Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
-Steve Martin
Quil looked up at the group, "So... When do we start."
Leah's face had an evil grin plastered on it as she ordered, "Right now, Emily go get Sam's beard trimmer, guys line up and drop trou."
The shocked look on most of the men's faces had Leah, Bella, Kim and Emily in fits of laughter.
"You...All of you...are going to look at our... All of our... PENISES?!" Embry asked, with wide eyes and shock in his voice.
Bella snorted, and after another round of laughter asked him, "You do realize that you will be having sex with most if not all of us very soon, don't you Embry?"
He threw his arms in the air, "Yes Belllllla, I know that, but why in the fuck do you all need to look at our dicks now!?"
Leah, trying to hold in her laughter, told him, "We need to see how much manscaping needs to be done, now are you going to puss out Em, now would be the time."
He shook his head as he glared at the women.
Kim spoke looking at Jared, "Come on Jared, let's get a look at that dick."
He shuffled forward, eyeing the women suspiciously. Stopping two feet in front of the women, he looked at the four of them again.
"Well..." Emily said, with a raised eyebrow.
He sighed, unfastened the button on his cut offs, and let them fall around his ankles.
"Oh well he is pretty good as it is, just needs a small trim and the edges cleaned up. Bella take notes." As Leah placed a spiral note book and pen in the girls hand.
Kim patted him on the ass, "Go to Emily babe."
He pulled up his shorts up and walked over to Emily, who was grinning as she turned the trimmer on and off.
"What the fuck! How am I supposed to use that on my fucking face again?" Sam threw his hands in the air.
"Oh hush Sam." Emily said, never looking up from her task.
"Well well Mr. Alpha look who's next in line." Leah grinned.
The huge man paled as he tiptoed his way to them. Pulling his pants down the same as Jared.
"What the hell Sam, when's the last time you trimmed you man bush?" Kim stared at him. He just looked away.
Leah started giving out orders, "Okay so it definitely needs some cutting back, cut it to the length of Jared's but make the patch smaller. That should do it."
Bella scribbled the information furiously on her notepad as Sam walked to wait for his turn with his barbershop imprint.
Bella spoke up, "Paul, your turn."
Leah quickly said, "Actually, Paul doesn't need anything, I've seen when we phase and..."
Before she could finish, Paul had crossed the room, stripped off his basketball shorts, and was standing in front of them with his hands on his hips and a grin on his face.
Kim reached out and rubbed two fingers over the area directly above his penis. "It's so smooth, how is it so smooth?"
Bella was wide eyed as she choked out, "Uh Paul, why do you have a kissy lips tattoo above your uh.." She pointed at his downstairs.
He looked at Kim, "Because I wax." Then turned his attention to Bella, "Because having a tattoo of 'It isn't going to suck itself' seemed a little forward." And grinned at the girls.
Bella looked deep in thought, and asked him, "Does it show up when you're a wolf?"
He shrugged his shoulder, "Don't know."
Kim and Bella grabbed one of his hands each and pulled him outside. A few minutes later the trio came back in.
"Two inch patch of hot pink fur by his wolf's ding dong." Bella told whoever was listening as she wrote down the new information.
Leah put her head in her hands as she sighed a loud "NEXT!"
Jake strolled to them with his signature smile on his face, waiting for the appraisal he knew he would get for his quick artwork he had just finished in Sam's guest bathroom.
"Jake, why in the Holy fuck do you have a heart shaved into your pubes?" Leah asked.
"I knew y'all would like it, I figured we could call my dick 'The Love Doctor'.
The girls started cackling, "Holy shit Emily, just do what you can." As they sent him on his way.
"Quil it's your turn." Jake looked at him apologetically.
Quil came over with his head down as he dropped his pants. He had seven semi circles shaved into his dark pubic hair, with different colors clearly sharpied in.
"Jake said it would be a good idea, he would be the love doctor, and I could use 'Taste The Rainbow' as my catch phrase."
The room was nearly shaking as everyone was trying to hold in their amusement.
"Jesus Christ..." Leah just pointed towards Emily.
"Embry, you're up." Bella looked up at him.
The girls contemplated for a while before asking, "Paul, do you have any wax at your house?"
He nodded while laughing, "I'll run and get it."
Embry whimpered.
Bella looked over at Leah, "Seth..."
"Turn around Leah." Was his response. She did as he asked and told him "Drop your pants for Kim and Bella baby brother." She snickered.
He undid his pants and let them fall as the others had.
"I think he should stay natural, it's so cute."
"Bella, you did not just call my very fucking manly COCK cute." He glared at her.
"No, I called your pubes cute, don't get bent out of shape. Your very manly cock is actually one of the biggest."
He smiled at her and nodded as he pulled his shorts up.
The three girl stood up, wiping imaginary dust off their hands as Leah spoke, "Well now that's over with.."
Paul came slamming through the front door with a plastic bag in his hand. "Wait just a damn minute, we showed you ours time for you to show us yours."
The girls looked around, Bella spoke "Our..." She pointed at her crotch.
Embry jumped at the opportunity to throw her words back at her, "You do realize that very soon most if not all of us will be having sex right?" He smirked as she glared at him.
She spoke to herself "fuck it" and started shimmying out of her jeans and undies as Emily and Kim did the same.
They looked over at the fully clothed Leah as she told them, "I get waxed, my goodies stay covered."
The men were staring at them. "Kim's landing strip looks good, I think Emily should have hers like that." Quil attempted to Seem business like as he ogled the women.
The others nodded. Jake asked, "What about Bells?"
She looked down at the patch of dark hair between her legs.
Looking back up she met Paul's eyes as he smirked and suggested, "I have enough wax for her and Embry if you guys think.."
A round of 'Yes' and 'Oh Yeahs' came from the guys and one 'Holy shit' from Seth.
The girls redressed and Emily resumed her landscaping duties.
Paul looked over at Embry and Bella, "Well ladies and gentlemen, follow me." As he picked up the bag he had brought and strode to the kitchen as Embry and Bella shuffled behind him.
Paul popped an opened tub into the microwave. "Swan go grab a couple of towels for Em and you to lay on."
She walked back in and Paul took a towel laying it over the dining table, and motioned for Embry to lay down.
Embry swung one leg on the table.
"You have to take your pants off dumbass."
Embry nodded and stripped, climbing on the table.
As Paul brought the warm tub of glue, cloth strips, and large wooden stick over, he placed them on the table. Dipping the spatula into the wax he was a few inches away from Embry's groin when Embry grabbed his wrist.
"Paul, please be gentle with me."
Bella nearly fell off the countertop she was sitting on as she laughed until she had tears in her eyes.
"Stop being a pussy, I do this to myself every few weeks."
After twenty minutes of Embry pleading for mercy, nearly crushing Bella's hand for moral support, begging Paul to stop, and a heartfelt, tear filled prayer for his own death, the newly bare man stood holding a hand mirror looking at his still slightly red pubic area.
"it wasn't bad, how does it look?" He asked the two amused people staring at him.
"It's fine, Bella your turn." Paul switched out the towels.
She stripped and climbed on the table.
"Let your knees fall to the side." Paul ordered, she did just as he applied the warm wax to her upper pubic area.
She started to speak, "I feel like I'm at the damn Gynoco...AHHHH WHAT THE FUCK PAUL!"
"Embry, go stand above her head and hold her legs so she doesn't kick me again." Paul snickered.
The pack filed In as Embry was holding her by the ankles and Paul ripped the next strip of fabric.
"SUCK A DICK PAUL YOU LITTLE BITCH."
Everyone looked at the trio's position while laughing, Leah shook her head and spoke, "It's time to draw for the first scene and players." She shook a small paper bag labeled girls. She stuck it in front of Emily and motioned for her to pick a slip of paper. "And the woman is..."
"I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR DICK OFF AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT UNTIL YOU CHOKE ON IT PAUL."
Emily opened the strip of paper and shrugged, "Me" As she showed the slip around the room.
Pulling out another bag she shook it and placed it in front of Jake, "And the lucky guy..."
"YOU'RE A CUNT PAUL A GODDAMN ASSHOLE CUNT!"
Paul continued to laugh at her outburst.
Jake held up the crumpled paper, "Embry"
"And for the scene.." Leah held the bag up to Seth.
"I gotta wax your ass next Bella, but it will be the last."
"Please Paul, not my butt, not my poor little butt."
Seth cleared his throat as he opened the last slip, "Hot for Teacher."
"I'M GOING KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" Bella kicked free of Embry's hold, grabbed Emily's rolling pin, and ran after Paul out the front door, bare from the waist down.