Chapter 10 Masae 5: Choices And Circumstances
As Masae prepared to tell the next part of the story, she had a nagging feeling she had forgotten to tell the others about something relevant.
"Hey, Mom," Hiroe said. "I don't think you mentioned Grandpa's job yet."
"Ah, I'm sorry," Masae said. "It wasn't relevant until this point, and still is largely an incidental detail, but around this time, my father got a promotion at work, and was sent to the Hokkaido branch of the company. My parents decided it would be best for my sister and I to switch schools. In theory, we could have stayed at our old school, but Mother thought it would be better for us to go to a school with a home port closer to where we lived."
"So did you?" Miho said, remembering the time she had defied Shiho to transfer to Oarai. One of the theories Saori once had about why she had switched schools was one of her parents getting a transfer at work.
"My family expected us to go along with the decision," Masae said. "Perhaps my parents were not as strict or demanding as yours, but when they asked something of us, they expected us to comply, and I have similar expectations of my daughters. Their request was not unreasonable in this case, since it was for the good of the family, and Mother, the one who asked us, was also making that choice herself. But it was an adjustment for us, and they regretted making us switch schools, even if we complied more readily than they expected."
24 years ago
One weekend when the Black Forest school ship was in port, Mikoto had called her two daughters home for dinner, to discuss their father's move, which she had announced in a routine phone call to her daughters earlier that week. She spent several minutes discussing how their father had gotten the promotion, how important it was for him, and why they needed to go along with it.
If Masae and Masaki had been less polite or less patient, they would have asked "What does this have to do with us?" But soon enough, Mikoto got to the point.
"You will have to switch schools, from Black Forest to Pravda," Mikoto said. "To be honest, it would be easier having both of you at a school whose home port is the same as our new town."
"When would we have to leave, Mother?" Masaki.
"The move date will be after the tournament ends, but before the end of the year," Mikoto said. "Masae will be able to fulfill her obligations to the team as vice-captain, but unfortunately, she'll have to step down after that, and you will be unable to regain your spot on the team. I apologize for the inconvenience."
"Please don't, Mother," Masae said. "It may actually be for the best."
"Nee-san?" Masaki said, surprised.
"I've been growing disillusioned with Black Forest's tankery program ever since you were demoted, Masaki," Masae said. "The commander remarked that I was no less replaceable than the others, so for all my responsibility to the team, I likely have no more influence on her than you do. Perhaps thinking of it optimistically makes the situation seem less hopeless, but I came to realize I was just justifying continuing to stay where I was."
"I can't argue with that," Masaki said. "But I was hoping that you hadn't given up entirely, and that there was still a chance for both of us."
"Maybe there is a chance, Masaki," Masae said. "But at this moment, I don't think it's enough to justify staying here when Mother and Father would be better off if we left."
Masaki sighed resignedly.
"You're right, Nee-san," Masaki said.
Mikoto solemnly nodded.
"I'm glad that you're so understanding, Masae, Masaki" Mikoto said, "and I'm sorry it came to this."
"I appreciate hearing that, Mother," Masae said. "But I know how important this is for Father. I suspect he feels the same way."
Mikoto nodded. The move would involve a great deal of effort for the entire family, particularly where her daughters were concerned, but she was glad that everyone was willing to get behind it and work together.
About an hour and a half later, Atago Makoto got home, still wearing the suit he wore to work, and was greeted by his wife and daughters.
"I'm home," Makoto said. "I'm sorry I'm late; I had a meeting to discuss my transfer."
"Welcome home, Makoto-san," Mikoto said. "I was just talking with the girls about the move, and they seemed fairly understanding."
"That's good," Makoto said. "I realize I ask a great deal of you at times, but I am truly grateful that the three of you understand."
Masae smiled. Perhaps this is what it meant to be a good authority figure- to be willing to give orders, but show compassion for one's subordinates and also lead by example.
"Thank you for the kind words, Father," Masae said.
Present day
"Mother didn't say it outright, but I knew that she was making sacrifices of her own in this move," Masae said. "She was saying goodbye to her friends in the town, and to the places she saw on a daily basis. But because it was a sacrifice she was willing to make- and had chosen to make, she was able to reasonably ask us to do so as well."
Shiho nodded.
"That's understandable," Shiho said. "I, too, expect my daughters to make the sacrifices my mother expected me to make."
Masae could not dispute Shiho's description of her expectations for her daughters, but she, as always, found the expectations to be, in and of themselves, too great.
"Of course, it was some time before we actually moved," Masae said. "My parents, as well as Father's employer, had to make some arrangements. I was thus in Black Forest until the end of the tournament, as my mother had pointed out at the time."
"Did you feel any doubt about leaving Black Forest, Instructor Atago?" Miho said. "When I left the school, even though I knew I couldn't do tankery their way, I missed some people there, especially my sister."
"Initially I did, Miho," Masae said, "although my sister was coming with me. However, I believed that if I helped Black Forest win that year, I would fulfill my remaining obligations to the team, and part with them on as good terms as possible."
24 years ago
Masae stood once again, victorious in the high school tankery tournament, as her team exchanged bows with the Pravda team, after the finals ended. The ceremonies felt much more hollow than they did a year ago, and Masae felt as though she was going through the motions.
Masae found herself more doubtful than ever. Was this the victory Shiho had sought? Was it worth all the effort that had been put in, and all the sacrifices that had been made? Could those who were left by the wayside share in this triumph? Masae found it almost impossible to say yes to any of them.
"Perhaps Commander Nishizumi expects me to see this as worth all the effort, and think of myself as more talented and luckier than all those who were left by the wayside," Masae thought. "But we've been in Black Forest for the same amount of time, shared most of the same experiences, and yet, have arrived at entirely different conclusions. Maybe it's because of our upbringings, or because we're different people."
The ceremony ended, and Masae left for the stands. Their parents had been elsewhere, finalizing some details relating to the move, but hoped to hear about their older daughter's performance in the match later.
Masaki walked up and greeted Masae, wearing Black Forest's school uniform, in the area near the stands.
"Congratulations, Nee-san," Masaki said.
"Thank you, Masaki," Masae said. "The victory may be less than fully satisfying, but it still is pleasing to hear this from you. "
"You're welcome," Masaki said, as they began walking toward the changing rooms that were assigned to Black Forest, for the purpose of helping the team change between their school and tankery uniforms. "You did once say that you saw this as doing your duty to the school, fulfilling your obligations so you can leave without regrets. That's the same reason why I'm still on the team, even if I've given up hope of returning to the active roster."
"I suppose so," Masae said. "I believe people should not do the right thing for the sake of being congratulated or thanked, but it's still pleasing to hear that from you."
"That's because I believe it's always nice to acknowledge such efforts," Masaki said. "Particularly when they're made by someone close to you, such as your older sis-"
As they reached Black Forest's changing rooms in its preparation area, Masae and Masaki then overheard loud coughing, and paused slightly, their conversation interrupted. They were about to keep walking, when they heard a voice that was familiar.
"...as I was saying, this does not justify what you did," Shiho said. "If you had been honest with us in the beginning, things never would have come to this."
"Maybe not," one girl, who was a tank commander for Black Forest said, as she took several deep breaths to steady herself. "But in that case, the fault is mine alone. Do what you will with me, but please don't punish Aoi for trying to help me!"
Masae recognized Aoi's name, as she was a commander of a Tiger II and one of the few who not only was friends with Masae, but also agreed with her when it came to Shiho. She suspected that the speaker was Akane, one of Aoi's close friends whom she had mentioned before, but whom Masae had never met.
Masae had noticed two of the tanks falling out of the formation, but had not thought much of it at the time. The entire team advanced forward, but some members were simply unable to keep pace for one reason or another, and were left behind- which Masae viewed as a perfect metaphor for the Nishizumi style itself. Perhaps Black Forest was inflicting enough casualties on Pravda for the loss of one or two tanks to be a non-issue, but the practice did not sit well with Masae.
Of course, Masae realized that Shiho had no tolerance for disobeying orders, or, as Masae gathered from what she heard, for withholding information. Evidently, Aoi knew something about her friend's condition that she did not tell Masae or the commander.
A part of Masae did believe that knowingly concealing pertinent information like that was grounds for punishment, although she was hesitant to consider expulsion her first or only option in such cases. Perhaps, given the circumstances the girls were under and their reasons for withholding the information, it might be enough to have a discussion with them and give them a warning.
"Yes, you will be removed from the team," Shiho said, "and so will she. She not only disobeyed orders, but also knew about your condition and said nothing."
"I understand what you're saying, Commander," Aoi said. "But Akane has worked hard since last year to make the team. She... was worried about how you would react if you found out."
Masae subconsciously nodded her head, sympathizing with Aoi even if she could not approve of her not disclosing Akane's condition. Aoi had once told her about Black Forest's competitive environment leading to backstabbing and one-upsmanship, and that as such, people were loath to admit anything that would make them ineligible for the team, preferring to keep quiet and hope they were not found out..
"She's missing the point, then," Shiho said coldly. "I do not need anyone who cannot contribute to the team reliably, and while meeting our standards. And as such, I no longer need either of you. Both of you are hereby permanently ejected from the tankery team."
Shiho, leaving Aoi and Akane to console each other, walked around the corner and found Masae.
"Vice-captain," she said, not acknowledging Masaki's presence.
"I apologize for eavesdropping, Commander," Masae said, "but I had hoped that I would be consulted on this matter of Aoi and Akane."
"If I had, what would you have said?" Shiho said. "Surely you cannot deny that decisions of that nature cannot have gone unpunished."
"Maybe not," Masae said. "But if you remove people from the team for matters like that, it is difficult to expect people to confide in you. And if you punish people for trying to help their teammates, you will make others hesitate when faced with similar situations in the future."
"As they should," Shiho said. "I only need people who are absolutely committed to the pursuit of victory and entirely able to do whatever is necessary."
Shiho paused and cleared her throat.
"And on that regard..." Shiho continued, "Vice-captain, we did discuss earlier that you were switching schools, were you not?"
"Yes, ma'am," Masae said.
"As we have just won the tournament, I no longer need your services," Shiho said, "since only the post-season practice remains, which means I can appoint and break in your successor. Thank you for your efforts, and I hope you find a school more suited to your style of tankery."
Shiho's tone was coldly civil, the kind she used with most people below her rank, although Masae did detect a condescending undertone to it, specifically her judging Masae as unworthy of being part of Black Forest. Still, Shiho did acknowledge Masae's efforts thus far, and Masae responded in kind.
"Thank you, ma'am," Masae said, bowing.
Any remaining doubt in Masae was gone at this point; her and Shiho's paths had diverged, and it was now up to her to find her own way of tankery.
Present day
"Back then, my disagreement was less with Instructor Nishizumi's decision, and more with the attitude associated with it," Shiho said. "She was unusually quick to reach the decision to expel Aoi and Akane from the team- mere minutes after the match ended- did so without consulting me, and made that choice because it supposedly jeopardized our drive for victory. I might have reached her decision if I were in the same position, but not in the same way or for the same reasons."
"Depending on how much contrition they showed, I'd probably have given Aoi a warning and suspended Akane from the team until I was sure she could be counted on," Hiroe said. "I'd probably still have felt like the bad guy, though."
Masae nodded, but then returned to her subject.
"And yet, Instructor Nishizumi' parting remark was correct, and in the end, I was happier finding a school that was more suited to my style of tankery," Masae said. "A part of me had hoped to make Black Forest a more inviting place, since many of its students were far less ruthless than the Nishizumis or their students, but my time at that school coming to an end precluded that, if it was not impossible to begin with."
Miho and Maho stared in shock.
"I...I never heard about this incident," Miho said.
"Neither did I," Maho said, "although I do understand that Mother would have done such a thing."
"That's because my sister and I, along with the girls who were scolded, largely remained quiet about it," Masae said. "I never had any intention of sullying Instructor Nishizumi's reputation, particularly when she, to some degree, had a point. People would only think of me as using smear tactics and being motivated by petty spite. I suspect the same went for the other girls, as well."
Miho nodded, remembering how, when she had left Black Forest two decades after Masae had, she had asked Maho to describe her departure as an individual decision that was for personal reasons. She believed it was largely true, and wanted as few people to be affected by her departure as possible. And it seemed Masae felt the same way.
"But above all else, I simply wanted to leave," Masae said. "I did not want to stir up controversy or spitefully make a parting shot, but to quietly bow out and move on to whatever came next. I did not agree with many of you, but I hoped to leave my former teammates to their own devices, while finding a team where my sister and I could feel at home."
Author's Notes
Thank you for the reviews, favorites and follows.
You may notice that Shiho does come off as a bit crueler and more arrogant from Masae's perspective. Keep in mind that unlike in the Interludes, these sections are largely from the point of view of the character whose section they are, and this is largely about Masae's perception of Shiho, at a time when she started to diverge from Black Forest's way of tankery.
I'm also launching a side project including some side stories set in the fic's universe, titled "Necessary to Win: Side Stories".