"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush
Disclaimer: SM owns all but my clearly pervy mind.
A/N: Thanks so much for the favorites/reviews/likes! Will try to reply to your reviews on the next update! :)
Bella woke up sweating, she was sandwiched between Jake, who was snoring with one arm over his head and one bent over his eyes, and Paul, who had her tucked into him while she used his bicep as a pillow.
She was content to just fall back asleep when she felt a scruffy cheek nuzzle her thigh, and hot arms tighten around her leg.
Looking down she saw a sleeping, smiling Seth readjust his head on her thankfully clothed crotch.
She heard Leah snicker from her seat on the couch and looked up at her.
"Leah help me up!" Bella whisper yelled.
"You sure Bells? You look pretty comfortable to me."
"LEAH! HELP!"
"Fine." Leah took in a deep breath and screamed. "OH NO, BELLA DON'T EAT THE LAST PIECE OF BACON!"
All of the men's heads popped up at once.
Leah was laughing as she watched the pile of bodies waking up from her living room floor.
Bella was running to the bathroom. "Thanks Leah!"
After she was finished, she washed her hands and opened the bathroom door to see all of the guys staring back at her.
"You promised bacon." Jake looked at her seriously.
"Did not. Leah said there was bacon not me."
Jared shook his head at her. "You shouldn't joke about meat candy Bells."
"I DIDN'T! I had to pee and couldn't get up! I was nearly under Paul and Seth had a death grip on my leg by my cooch."
Seth looked at her. "I need all the man points I can get toda. But we aren't talking about us, we are talking about your lies. I'm disappointed in you."
She pushed past them. "Dear god, I'll go make breakfast."
As Leah shoved a piece of bacon in her mouth she told the group. "So this is how we are gonna do this, Jake, Kim and Seth are going to go to the high school in Paul's car and Kim is gonna ask for a ride home, then drive to the dirt road behind Sam and Emily's and Jake will pretend the car ran out of gas then they hump like bunnies. The rest of us will just walk over to the road."
She handed Jake a football jersey and Kim a cheerleader uniform.
"Seriously Leah?"
"Just shut up and shake your pompoms Kim."
An hour after Jake, Kim, and Seth had left the others were walking through the forest behind Sam and Emily's cabin.
Just a few minutes after arriving, they watched the three pull up. Kim and Seth jumped out before Jake had even set the brake.
Gulping in fresh air Kim screamed. "Out of gas my ass! Jake is fucking full of it!" She gagged.
Seth was furiously blinking his eyes and rubbing his nose. "It's like his stank embedded in my damn nose!"
Jake stepped out of the car laughing. "Bells shouldn't have made beans last night. It's not that bad."
Kim gagged again. "I'm not getting back in the car with him."
After ten minutes the stank of Jake's butt fog had lifted and Leah was directing people into their places.
Jake was leaned against the door of Paul's car with his pants around his ankles, Kim was on her knees with her top off in front of him.
She glared at him. "If you fart I swear to the spirits I will bite your dick off."
His body shook as he laughed.
Leah's voice rang out. "Three, two, one."
Kim grabbed Jake at the base of his hard on and gave him one solid lick from the base to the head of his penis before she took him in her mouth and began bobbing up and down on his dick.
"Oh just like that, you know just how to suck daddy's cock you bad, bad girl AHHHH!"
Bella and Jared broke into laughter, Jared snorted "She bit his dick!" And started laughing again. Paul came over and clamped his hands over their mouths in a familiar gesture.
When Jake composed himself, he took the the jersey off and laid it over the hood of Paul's car, picked Kim up and placed her over the jersey.
"Do you want my hard rod stabbing into your sweet virginal opening? Do you want the love doctor to make a house call, the love doctor can fix what ails you."
Sam clamped a hand over Paul's mouth and his own.
Kim reached between his legs and squeezed his balls, speaking through clenched teeth. "Why yes, love doctor, can you hurry up and help me?"
Midway through the scene Jake and Kim were both moaning, all hands, and really enjoying themselves. Causing both of them to ignore the shouting of the others warning of the Forks PD cruiser making it's way down the rocky road.
Paul pulled Seth's attention away from the camera long enough to point out the car, and they both bolted back to the cabin like the others, Quil carrying Emily and Jared carrying Bella.
Paul and Seth were about fifty feet inside the wood line as they heard Charlie Swan's voice from the loudspeaker of his patrol car. "Jacob Black... ma'am... Hands in the air!... Jacob...STOP HUMPING HER!"
An hour later they heard Paul's car pull into the driveway. Charlie had lectured them both, threatened to tell Billy, and handed them both a condom with a pamphlet about safe sexual relationships.
After wasting some time watching a documentary titled Walking with Monsters: Life before Dinosaurs (watching it now on Netflix, the kids torture me with It at least once a week, it was pretty neat the first dozen times.), they ordered some pizza.
After eating everyone slowly turned to look at Quil and Seth
"Are you two ready?" Sam asked as he tossed a quarter between his hands, both of them shook their heads no. "Alright, call it in the air."
Sam flicked the quarter.
Quil was on his hands and knees, ass in the air, on Sam and Emily's guest bed.
Leah was facing the wall, talking to her brother, "Just play with it Seth, we can't pass it off as sex if your dick isn't hard."
"Well, my dick won't get hard as long as Quil's ass is looking at it."
"Do you think I enjoy this shit man?" Quil looked over his shoulder.
"Considering Kim is gonna be hiding giving you a hand job I don't think you are hating it."
"Bella could give you one."
"Thanks for volunteering my services Leah."
"Anytime, Bells. so Seth is that gonna work?"
"Can I play with her tits too?"
"Sure you can."
"I'm standing right here. It's my tits and hand y'all are talking about."
"We know. Hurry up and take your shirt off."
Bella climbed beside Kim while peeling her tank off. "This is fucking ridiculous."
"Bella, can you like, lick it first." Seth asked while climbing behind Quil.
"Jesus Christ." She lifted her head and sucked it into her mouth. Ten seconds later Seth could cut diamonds with his dick.
Embry angled the camera so the girls were out of the shot as Emily coated them down. "Three, Two, One."
Bella held onto Seth's cock and angled in down as he began pumping into her hand, Quil doing the same into Kim's.
It lasted around two minutes until Quil jumped off the bed yelling. "Seth's dick rubbed my balls! Twice!"
The room was roaring as Seth told him he was sorry, still pumping into Bella's hand.
They got back into position and began again. After a few more minutes of going through the motions, Seth looked down to see Kim slide her tongue into Bella's mouth at the same time her free hand slid into Bella's shorts.
Seth reached down and began kneading her tits, tweaking and pulling her nipples.
After a few minutes he watched her peak with her orgasm as Kim swallowed her moans. Seth's head fell back as he roared.
...And shot his load on Quil's ass.
Quil squeaked out, "What the fuck Seth!" As he ran to the shower.