Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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The sun streamed in front her window, the curtains open, and she opened her eyes slowly, moaning sleepily. She could feel Merle's legs tangled with hers, and she smiled, rolling over to find him lying on his stomach, snoring. She ran her fingers through his hair, kissing up his shoulder to his mouth.
His tongue flicked into her mouth, and he pulled her closer, cupping her ass. "Mornin'."
"Good morning." She kissed him once more, brushing her thumb over his cheek to wipe away an eyelash. "Definitely better than any dream."
"What'd you expect?"
"Nothing less." She kissed him deeply, her hands on his cheeks, and she savored that kiss for a moment. "Thank you."
A sound from the hallway caught her attention, she gasped and nearly had a stroke at the same time, and Merle cursed softly. Andrea and Paige were home, and Paige was calling to her mom, right outside the door it sounded like.
"Oh, God."
"Mommy?" The doorknob was turning.
"Paige!" Andrea shouted, seeing the two empty glasses and bottle of Scotch. "You left your coat on the floor! We talked about this!"
She sighed and went to get it.
"Oh, thank God." Amy grabbed her panties, slipping them on. "I have to go to her." She yanked a tank top down over her torso. "Umm, she can't see you here. She'll—she'll get the wrong idea." She shimmed into the pajama bottoms on the chair and then she ran her hand through her hair. "Shit, how are we going to get you out of here?"
He said nothing so she turned to look at him, and he calmly lied on the bed, not moving. "Merle."
"What?" He rested his hand under his head, the other on his stomach. "I'm tired. Ain't had a bed this comfy—tsk, ever."
"Oh, my God, Merle, you have to go!" She climbed onto the bed and straddled him. "C'mon, get up."
"I'll leave when I damn well please. I might shower. Shit, I'm kinda hungry too."
"Okay." She knew what he was doing now. "Eggs?"
"Scrambled."
"Toast?"
"Three slices. Buttered."
"Me?" She leaned over him.
"In the shower with me." He smirked. "I mean that."
She returned his smirk and rubbed against him; he groaned low in his throat. "I'll be right back."
He chuckled. "Take your time."
She climbed off and left, going to the kitchen.
"Mommy!" Paige smiled widely and ran over to her. "Good morning!"
"Good morning!" She returned her smile. "How was Grandma and Grandpa's?"
"It was great! We put fish the garden! Koi! They're so pretty!"
She laughed. "I can't wait to see these Koi."
"Well, you'll see them. She took pictures." Andrea filled a glass with orange juice. "Lots and lots of pictures."
"You will have to show them to me. Right now, I have to eat and take a shower. Can you watch cartoons till I'm done?"
She studied her mom's face.
"What?" She searched Paige's eyes.
"You look really happy."
"Oh, I bet she feels happy too," Andrea teased.
"I am." She sent her sister a slight glare then smiled at her daughter. "Go on."
Paige turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, Amy grabbed a skillet and eggs, sending Andrea another glare while she drank her orange juice innocently. She prepared their breakfast, biting her lip from the slight soreness that pleased her more than she wanted to admit. She tossed some bacon into the pan, really wanting some meat.
"So, I guess it worked out with Mike," Andrea teased after a few minutes. "When do we sneak him out of here?"
"No, it didn't work out." She popped the bread into the toaster. "It was...him."
She glanced back at her niece then her sister. "Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"Amy, do you not remember what you told me the other day?"
"Andrea, lighten up. With me and him, it's just sex. God, did you borrow Carol's brain?" She grabbed a plate. "We just ran into it each other when I was walking through town. I was going to get a drink."
"Really? You just happen to find him?" She leaned over and worked on the eggs since Amy had her back turned.
"He technically found me." She pulled butter out of the fridge. "We came back here to have a drink, and we ended up in my bedroom. We were safe, so don't worry about me having another child. I made sure I had condoms and I took my pill that morning. Anyway, you told me I should do this. Do I need to remind you?"
"No, I remember. And yes, I said you should because I didn't think you'd actually do i—" She stopped suddenly. "You know what? You're alive and happy, almost glowing, so I'm happy for you." She watched her making breakfast. "This is for him, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Now I'm happily criticizing you." She lowered her voice again. "How do you intend to hide this from Paige?"
"With your help." She buttered the toast. "Could you make some coffee?"
"You're lucky I love Paige and don't want her to know you're screwing around with him. No, take him orange juice."
"I wanted the coffee, but all right." She filled a glass with orange juice. "Thank you for understanding." She scraped the eggs and then bacon onto the plate beside the toast, dug out two forks and went to her room. She locked the door and presented him with the plate, setting the glass on the nightstand. "Here."
He sat up and took the plate. "Hmm."
"What?" She sat in front of him. "It's bacon." She took a piece and ate it. "Turkey bacon."
"Not why I said it, darlin'." He shoveled in eggs. "Andrea knows?"
"She saw the glasses and Scotch, which was lucky, otherwise we would have scarred Paige."
They ate in silence after that, he glanced at her from time to time, and she thought over how they were going to get him out of the house without Paige seeing him. She would have to distract her or have her retrieve something. Paige was good at guessing what was going on with her—just like her father—so she would have to be careful with this. She didn't want Paige to think they were possibly getting back together. Amy knew all too well how bad it hurt when your hopes were get raised and then get utterly crushed into a talcum power.
Amy turned on the shower as Merle set the empty cup and plate on her dresser, and he joined her in the bathroom. She closed the door and removed her clothes as Merle stepped into the shower; she followed.
After the shower, they dressed and Amy asked Paige to get her camera from her room. Merle causally walked out, Andrea glared, and Amy held her daughter's door closed. He left with a glare to Andrea, who gave him a good shove out the door, and Paige knocked her bedroom door, trying to get out.
"Sorry. I was zoned out," Amy explained as Paige exited the room. "Let's sit on the couch and look at those pictures."
Paige eyed her then went to the living room. "Okay."
"I hope it was worth it," Andrea said when Amy walked by.
"Why do you say that?"
"I have to get to work. Goodbye, Paige." She grabbed her things and left.
Aah! She wanted to smack Andrea, but she let it go and climbed onto the couch to look at pictures with her daughter.
– – –
Daryl heard loud sobbing and pushed himself up, groping for his phone on the nightstand to checked the time. It was barely past eight in the morning. He got up and left the room, closing the door behind him so Sophia wouldn't wake up. He didn't want her to know who was crying and why.
He started down the stairs, seeing Carol holding Karen, and he heard, "Milton's dead!"
"Oh, no." Carol's voice was weak. "No, no, no."
He hurried down the last few steps and ran over to help with Karen. "Here, sit down." He held her elbows as he guided her to the couch. "I'll get you somethin' to drink." He grabbed a box of tissue off the table by the pantry and tossed it to Carol, who caught it.
Carol sat on the coffee table, handing her a tissue. "You need to breathe." She rubbed her back gently. "Put your head between your legs. Calm down. Shh." She squeezed her eyes shut when Karen couldn't see her face and swallowed tears. "Shh, that's it. Breathe."
Daryl returned with the water then went and closed the front door.
Karen shook her head. "He's dead. How is this happening? How?" She looked at Carol. "Nothing makes sense anymore!"
"I know it doesn't." She picked up the glass of water. "Drink this."
"What is it?"
"Just water."
Karen took a few drinks, Carol wiped away her tears with a tissue, and Daryl went upstairs to prepare the guest bedroom. They'd left Merle's room down in the basement should he return, but they still had Paige's bed. It wasn't too big, but Karen would fit, and it was comfortable enough. He grabbed some sheets from the hall closet and a few pillows. He wanted her to be comfortable and safe. If this had anything to do with Ed... Christ, he didn't know what he would do. What Carol would do. She would lose her mind, knowing that Ed had killed Milton because she left. Because Karen had helped to take away something he thought belonged to him, so he took away something that belonged to her. He needed to be prepare for that. He wouldn't let her blame herself.
"Let's get you cleaned up. A bet a bath would feel nice." Carol set the glass beside her. "We can talk after."
"Nothing will make me feel better, Carol. My husband is dead, because of you."
Carol lowered her eyes, her heart stopping, and she felt like crying even more now. Of course Karen blamed her. Ed was only doing what he was doing, because she left. She defied him and left. People were suffering because of it. Here she was, happy with Daryl and her family and daughter, and there was Karen, all alone, dying a little more each second. She knew getting Sophia away from Ed was what she had to do, but she didn't even consider what it would do to her friends. She just left them the mess.
"That's how Ed wants this to play out." She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "He wants me to blame you, slip up and lead him to you so he came home here and kill you. I would—would never do that. That bastard can't play me so easily. Milton—he wouldn't...wouldn't want that, not after everything..."
"I am so sorry."
"Don't be. I don't blame you, not one bit." She licked her lips. "I'll tell you everything eventually, but for now I uh, I need to bathe, because I've been on a plane for hours and been in a taxi for what felt like a lifetime."
She nodded. "I'll draw you a bath."
"I—I don't have any clothes with me. At my summerhouse, I do, but I can't—I can't go back there just yet." She would only see Milton everywhere, and she wasn't sure she could handle that right now.
"I understand. I have clothes you can wear." Carol hugged her again. "We're here for you. You won't be alone, I promise. You'll never be alone. I love you, Karen."
Karen broke down again, crying deeply into Carol's shoulder, and Carol tried her best to comfort her. She would never be okay. Her husband, the love of her life, was dead, and there was no easing that pain. She would never be with him again, never hold his hand, kiss his lips or laugh with him. She would never tell him how much he meant to her, ever again. When Carol lost Daryl, it was by choice, not by death, so she could never fully understand that loss, but she would be there. She would always be there for her.
"Can she stay the night?" Carol asked Daryl as Karen continued to bathe upstairs.
"You don't gotta ask." He took her in his arms. "'Course she can stay, as long as she needs."
"It keeps piling up, Daryl. First Mom and now Milton. There's probably more people getting hurt out there, because of Ed." She buried her face in his chest. "That god damned bastard! Why Milton? He was a good man. He respected Milton. Why would he do this?"
"'Cause he knew how much they meant to you, and he wanted you to know that you leavin' had a price." He sighed deeply into her hair. "I'm so sorry. I know how much he meant to you."
"I can't get upset. I just can't, for Karen's sake." She didn't move out of his arms. "I love you."
He kissed her forehead. "I love you too."
She exhaled and stepped back. "When Sophia wakes up, I need you to take her to the farm. It's the fourth of July, and she doesn't need this. Let her just be around family."
"How 'bout you?"
"I'll stay here with Karen. You need to take Sophia horseback riding and—and swimming. I want you two to have fun and don't worry about me. I'm strong, and I can handle this. I have Karen."
He nodded. "Save you a burger."
She smiled a little. "With cheese, please."
He kissed her forehead once more. "Stay safe, Carol. If he—"
"Hey, hey." She set her hands on his neck. "Nine lives, remember?"
He nodded then stepped back and went to check on Sophia.
Taking a deep breath, Carol found Karen as she wrapped herself in blankets, fully dressed underneath in the clothes Carol had lent her. She closed the door and sat on the bed, giving her a small smile, and Karen shuddered, feeling the cold in her bones.
"How was the bath?"
"A bath." She shrugged. "Milton liked this house, you know. He wanted to buy one like it."
"Really?"
"It was the right size, he said, but he needed a room for all of his books." Karen laughed softly, her eyes filling. "He was such a bookworm. He would—He would read to me often. We would be sitting in the living room, I would be lying against him and suddenly he'd read me a Russian poem. I would laugh at him while he translated it for me, and he just look at me like I was the only thing in the world ever. He'll—he'll never look at me like that again."
Carol's heart broke as Karen covered her mouth with her hand and whimpered. She pulled Karen closer and let Karen rest her head in her lap. "He always got so bashful around you, do you remember that?" Carol moved hair from her face. "Before you two were married, he would get all red and stutter."
She nodded, sobbing.
"You were everything to him, and he would be so happy to know you got away from Ed. He would—he would be so, so happy." Carol tried not to cry. "God, I bet he's shaking his head at us right now."
"He'd probably try to make a stupid joke."
"He wasn't the funniest guy, but it was funny to watch his face when he told a joke and nobody got it." Carol laughed a little. "He'd blush and clear his throat."
"Carol—what am I gonna do without him?" Her entire body was shaking. "The company, his family, our—our friends... They'll turn to me, and I don't know—God, I just don't know."
"Don't worry about that. We'll—we'll worry about that later."
"I can't think about later, Carol. Later without him... God, how can there be a later without him?"
– – –
Daryl glanced back at Sophia, who was playing with Ethan, and he shook his head, wondering how they was going to tell her about Milton. She'd just lost Annette, and he heard her praying about Annette some nights. He never went into her room, because he knew if she wanted someone to talk to her her, she'd find one of them. He knew she missed Annette and didn't fully understand why she was gone. Carol had explained it to her a couple nights ago, or tried her best to, and Sophia was trying to accept it. She was strong, and he was proud of her. He was glad to have her in his life. Maybe one day, when Ed was dealt with, he and Carol would try again. He wouldn't mind.
"Sophia!" Paige waved from the porch.
"Go on." Daryl gave her a nod.
She ran over to her and hugged her.
"Howdy." Amy set a cowboy hat on Daryl's head, sneaking up behind him. "Hey, good-looking."
He sent her a glare. "Shut up." He knocked the hat off. "Ain't in the mood."
"Why? What happened?" She searched his eyes. "Oh, God, where's Carol?"
"She's fine. It ain't her. She won't be here. She's preoccupied."
"With what?"
"It ain't your business."
"She's my cousin, and I know that's a stupid excuse and all, but Carol is family, and I love her. I worry about her too, so you tell me if this has anything to do with Ed. Please, Daryl."
"It doesn't."
She nodded. "Good. I can...accept that." She picked up the hat. "I am going to teach your daughter a dance, because I am bored and in the mood to dance."
"What dance?"
"I'm teaching my daughter it too." She winked at him. "Oh, you'll see."
"Amy."
"What?"
"You're awful cheerful. You get laid or somethin'?" he mused, trying to get his mind off Karen and Carol and Milton.
She blushed. "What? La—Tsh, me? No."
"Was it Merle again?" He eyed her.
"No! Stop talking!"
"Look, I don't like gettin' involved with Merle and his...women, but you should be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt."
"Merle and I are not in a relationship. Yes, we slipped last night, but it didn't mean anything. We both just needed it. He'd been...you know, and he hadn't been with anybody, and I just needed it. We simply scratched each others itch. We were safe as well, do don't worry. I don't want any more kids anytime soon."
He shook his head. "Just be careful. For Paige, at least."
"It was a one-time thing. This time, I swear it's a one-time thing. I have a date with one of my co-workers in a week, and I find him quite charming, so... Why am I telling you this?" She smiled a little. "I have to go teach. Help yourself to my homemade fruit punch. It's a delicious."
He closed the door to the car and went inside as Amy led the girls into the barn with Beth running over to join them. He gave a nod to Otis and saw Maggie and Glenn in the living room, laughing. He continued to the kitchen, seeing Shawn and Sasha looking through a book of baby names, and they started cracking up over some name. He slipped out the back door and sat down on the ground.
A few minutes later, a cold beer was offered to him, and he looked up, finding the hand belonged to Beth. He accepted it, and she sat beside him, pulling her legs up, and he eyed her for a minute. She wasn't with Zach, so he doubted the kid was here. She looked tired, her hair was divided down the middle and in two small buns by her shoulders, very sloppy for her, and she wore jeans with a double-layer tank top and her worn boots.
"I tried to bake Mom's Dutch apple pie," she told him, her head resting against the house. "I screwed it up so bad."
He said nothing, just drank his beer.
"Zach's place smells like the death of apples and sugar." She exhaled. "Oh, well."
"You all right?"
"No." She looked at him. "I was thinkin' about the slip of paper Ma left for me. It said: I could not stay another day, to love, to laugh, to work or play; tasks left undone must stay that way. Why did she give that verse to me? Carol's I get, and Shawn's and Daddy's and Mag's too, but not mine. It's like she didn't care what I read."
"That ain't truth."
"What was she tryin' to tell me? That I shouldn't waste my time? I've gonna be a nurse, I'm happy with Zach, and it ain't like I'll ever have babies of my own, so...what did she mean?"
He took a long drink from his beer. "Hershel's lettin' y'all drink?"
"Daddy's not here just yet. He's gone to see Mom's grave." She wrapped her arms around her knees. "I've had too many to drink, I think."
"You've been drinkin'?"
She nodded. "I'm scared to meet Zach's mom. With my family, I mean. It means that we're ready for the next step, but I'm not. I don't—I can't give him kids, what kind of future can I offer him?"
"That don't matter."
"It does."
"To you, yeah, but I doubt Zach feels that way. He probably just wants to be with you."
She licked her bottom lip. "He says he doesn't care, but I know that's a lie. I saw him lookin' through some baby stuff for Sasha, for her shower—he wants to give her a gift—and I saw the look in his eyes. He's ready for kids now."
"When Carol told me she was pregnant, it scared me."
"'Cause of your daddy?"
"No." He shrugged. "It wasn't him. I just...uh-uh. I can't explain it. It just scared me."
"Why? You're a great father to Sophia." She studied his face. "Don't ever doubt that. Or how good you are to Carol. You're a good man, Daryl. You are. You couldn't protect her or help her at all when she lost Ethan, but you did your best. You did!"
"It ain't that. Never mind, forget it." He kept thinking about Milton. He knew how much he meant to Karen, because that's how much Carol meant to him. Ed took Milton away just like that. How easily could that happen to Carol? Ed wasn't going to stop, he knew that. What the hell were they going to do to protect her? To protect Sophia?
"I love you, Daryl."
He frowned and looked at her.
She giggled. "Not like that, silly. You're my friend, and I love you like a brother. Besides I got over you when I saw what Carol's leavin' did to you. I'm sorry I kissed you all those years ago, because it was so, so stupid." She set a hand on his knee. "If you ever need me, I'll be there for you. I know I wasn't the most supportive after y'all lost Ethan, and I wanna make it up to y'all. You especially."
"Gettin' a little too cozy out here," Maggie teased.
Daryl shifted his legs so that Beth's hand fell. "Hershel here yet?"
"In a few minutes, so chug that. I'm collectin' the bottles." She sat down in between them. "Where's Carol?"
"At home. She wasn't feelin' too good."
"What's wrong?" Beth met his eyes. "Period cramps? Or a cold?"
"I don't know."
"How do you not know?" Maggie frowned. "You live with her." He shrugged. "Well, what'd she say when she told you she wasn't comin'?"
"Uhh, she talked through the bathroom door, so I couldn't really make it out." He scratched his nose, not looking at them.
Beth smiled suddenly. "Is she pregnant?"
"Oh, Christ." He smacked his hand to his face. No, no, no.
"Beth, don't jump to conclusions." Maggie tucked hair behind her ear. "She's just a little sick. It's Carol. She's sickly...sometimes."
"Oh, come on! She's sick, and it was in the mornin', and we all know about the Greene Leaf storage room."
"Glenn can't look at you the same way," Maggie told him.
She gasped. "And you mentioned Carol being pregnant, which was a little weird!"
"Here." He handed her the beer then walked off.
"C'mon!" Maggie grabbed her little sister's wrist and led her inside, and Beth giggled.
"Why the giggle?" Shawn was carrying in a bag of ice. "Should I be worried? I thought Dad was growing a suspicious patch of "herbs" back there."
"No." Maggie nudged Beth. "Shh."
"Oh, a secret? Tell me. I love secrets, but I can't keep them, so warning."
"Carol's pregnant!" Beth blurted.
"Oh, shit."
"Beth, we don't know for sure!" Maggie sent her a glare. "We don't know. She's just at home, sick."
"And the whole Greene Leaf thing," Shawn added. "Daryl doesn't have to try, does he? Well, there goes Sasha's thunder."
"We don't know for sure!"
"And she can't steal Sasha's thunder. Y'all are havin' twins." Beth smiled wider. "Oh, my gosh, we're gonna have so many babies runnin' around here. Can I keep one?"
"She's drunk, isn't she?" Shawn asked Maggie.
"A little."
"I'm going to put this ice away. Excuse me and stop smiling. You're freaking me out. Seriously, I won't let you near my kids with that smile."
"Let's go, drunkie." Maggie led Beth to the living room. "Stay there. I gotta dispose of this."
"I should brush my teeth." Beth wandered upstairs to her bedroom.
– – –
Carol checked time; it was two o' clock in the afternoon. She rolled over and saw Karen was still not moving, staring at her wedding and engagement rings. Carol set her hand over Karen's and squeezed it.
"I should eat something." Karen exhaled.
"If you can't stomach it, don't try."
"Well, it's not just me." Karen met her eyes. "I'm pregnant."
Carol blinked then smiled. "Oh, my God, Karen!"
She smiled a little back. "I found out last week. The last time I was here, it was just a late period, but this time I am actually pregnant. I didn't get a chance to tell Milton though. He was on a flight to New York to speak with some big wig." She wiped her eyes. "It makes losing him a little easier, I think. He's gone, but part of him is growing inside of me and I'll have that piece of him with me for the rest of my life."
"He would've been so excited."
"We were talking about having kids just before his meeting. He said that spare room down the hall was just getter dustier, so I closed the book I was reading and straddle him. You should've seen his face." She laughed sadly. "But he was quite bold. He even tossed his book aside. That was the last time he held me..."
"I'm so sorry." She tightened her grip on Karen's hand.
"So I have to eat and get healthy, because I'm not losing his baby."
"Then I will prepare salad with chicken and almonds and whatever else you want." She set a hand on Karen's smooth stomach. "I'll take care of you and your mommy, Milton Junior."
She sniffed. "Get off."
"Let's get food." She helped her stand.
They walked downstairs, Karen took a seat at the island while Carol dug food out of the fridge and made Karen a glass of water. Karen knew what today was, and she knew Carol probably had plans before she came. As world shattering as it was for her that Milton was dead, she felt pretty crappy about pulling Carol away from her family right now. After Annette passed away, Carol needed them more than Karen needed Carol. She could handle this. She had to, because in nine month, she was going to have a baby that needed her to be ready.
"Carol."
"Yes?" She paused in chopping lettuce.
"Go to the farm."
"But you—"
"No buts. I'm in pain, but I've been in pain for twenty-four hours before I came here. I can handle a few hours alone. I need a few hours alone to cry and scream and go through this, because I haven't really had the chance, not with trying to get down here without alerting Ed and trying not to disturb Sophia." She shook her head. "I can't hold it in anymore, and I just want to be alone when I... I just want to be alone."
"I don't want you to be alone, and you don't have to be alone."
"I do need to be alone, and again I want to be. I love you, and I am grateful for you letting me stay, but you need to be with Daryl and your little angel. I know you do."
"I don't want to abandon you."
"You're not. I promise."
"We've barely talked—"
"Because I can't talk about it! I can't sit down and tell you everything the police told me!" She looked hard into Carol's eyes. "You're just pissing me off! How can you just stand there and tend me when I know all you want is be with your family? Stop babying me! I am a grown ass woman, and I don't need you breathing over my shoulder! You don't owe me anything, so stop!"
Carol had no words.
"Go get Daryl." She spoke through clenched teeth as tears formed in her deep brown eyes. "Go! I don't want to mourn my husband with you pitying me! I don't need that right now! Or ever!"
"A—all right." She wiped her hands on her pajama bottoms. "I have to change. Excuse me." She strolled out of the kitchen and toward her bedroom.
Karen ran her hands over her face, taking a deep breath, and she set a hand on her stomach, trying to keep calm until Carol was gone. She knew Carol meant well, and later she would need her, but right now, she just needed silence to mourn and accept what had happened.
Fifteen minutes Carol left out the front door, Karen slid off the stool and moved onto the couch, coiling up and touching her engagement ring. She could still hear the officer's voice.
– – –
Karen added peppers to the skillet and wiped her hands on a dishrag, hearing a knock on the door. She wondered who it was at this hour. She smiled a little, secretly hoping it was Milton come to tell her he loved her. She cried when he did it the first time. He flew twenty-five thousand miles just to tell her he loved her. He almost missed his flight back he was so worn out from their night.
She opened the door and found two police officers on the other side. Oh, God.
"Are you Karen Mamet?" The older of the two officers asked.
She crossed her arms. "Yes, I am."
"May we come inside, please?"
"Yes, of course." She moved aside and showed them into the living room. "What can I do for you?"
"Please, have a seat." The older one sat beside her on the couch and met her eyes. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."
"Oh, no. What's happened? Is it my brother?" Her brain was full of scenarios, and she felt sick. "Is he all right?"
He shook his head. "No, ma'am. It's not your brother. I'm sure your brother's fine." He paused, rubbing his hands together nervously. He hated doing this. "I'm very sorry to inform that your husband has been killed."
"Ex—excuse me, what?" She stared at them, mouth open slightly.
"Milton Mamet is your husband, isn't he?" The younger one asked.
"Y—yes, Milton is my husband."
"Well, he was killed in a car accident about ten hours ago. We're still recovering his body. The car fell from a good distance, and his body was thr—"
The older officer sent such a vile glare to the young officer. "Go wait outside." He watched the younger one leave.
She covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God!"
"Just breathe." He set a hand on her shoulder. "I am so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Mamet."
"He was thrown? Is that what he was going to stay?" Her voice broke.
He nodded. "I am sorry. Do you want me to call someone for you? You shouldn't be alone."
"I—I can call my brother."
"Are you sure? I can call him for you, it's no trouble."
"I can still remember how to call my brother," she whispered, her hands shaking.
"Can I get you a glass of water?"
She shook her head.
"All right then." He continued to speak to her, but she kept staring at the picture of them in Paris that was on the coffee table and every sound in the room faded out. They had gone all the way up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and they asked a man to take their picture. She'd kissed his cheek just before the flash went off. It was the best picture they'd taken the entire trip.
– – –
"If one more bug bites me, I swear to God, I'm going to catch the air on fire!" Shawn scratched his arm.
Sasha laughed. "I guess they like your blood best of all."
"Why don't they like yours? You have, like, three times as much blood in you than me."
"Bugs have never liked Sasha's blood." Ty sat down beside them.
"I guess they can't handle the feistiness." Shawn waggled his eyebrows.
She rolled her eyes. "Or maybe they just like your thick blood."
He groaned. "Beth! Come and be food for me!"
"No, thanks." She slipped back inside.
"Has anybody seen the girls?" Hershel asked.
"Amy took 'em into the barn." Maggie played with one of the baby ducks gently, and Glenn ran a finger over its back. "I dunno what they're doin' though."
"Dancing. What else does Amy do these days?" Shawn folded his arms on the picnic table. "I don't see why she doesn't open up a dance studio. Her dad has the money; she has the talent. It's a win-win."
Sasha turned the page. "Tamara?"
"Yes, Tia?" Shawn replied. "Hell, no."
She smirked. "Fine. Tanisha?"
"I hate T names." He glanced at his brother-in-law and father-in-law. "No offense. I just mean, for my child. I hate that my middle name is Tanner. Where the hell did that even come from?"
"From my grandfather." Dale informed him. "Maxwell Tanner."
"I could've worked Shawn Maxwell Harrison."
"Darn, I hate M names," Sasha teased. "I couldn't have married you."
"Why do you wound me? Look at me, bleeding all over the place." She laughed, and he kissed her. "I'm going to get some more grapes. You guys want anything?"
"I'm good," Ty answered.
"I would like a little more ice." Sasha offered him her cup.
He accepted it and kissed her once more. "Just for the long trip." He started for the house.
"If the world ends, remind me to never be around y'all two." Maggie sat up, letting Glenn hold the baby duck. "Shawn would be dead set on protectin' you and the twins, and my back would never be watched by him."
"Are we talking zombies or looters as a threat?" Glenn asked.
"Either one. Shawn's...devoted to you."
"See, I thought that was a good thing," Sasha mused.
"It is. It's the best thing. It's a little sickenin' to watch you two, but now that you're pregnant, he's not as handsy. You just smile at each other and exchange glances."
"So do you and Glenn," Beth said as she rejoined them, sitting beside Jacqui in a lawn chair, checking her phone again, wondering where the hell Zach was.
"I can't even retort, 'cause I ain't ever seen you with Zach."
"And you may not at this rate." She sighed and texted him again.
"We've located the ginger." Shawn returned with Carol behind. "Have a seat anywhere you please, except there."
"Where's Daryl?" She looked around. "And Sophia?"
"Sophia is in the barn," T-dog pointed. "Daryl's...somewhere."
She nodded. "I will be back to join you all and get one of those drinks, 'cause it looks yummy."
"Thank Amy," Jacqui crossed her legs. "She made them."
"And fruit punch," Patricia added.
"What's in it before I get one?" She squinted in the light.
"Alcohol, which you can't have," Shawn answered. "No booze, sis."
"Thank you for deciding that for me." She sent him a small glare. "And I can't drink. If you'll excuse me." She walked off to find Daryl.
"Told you," Beth singsonged at Maggie.
"Told her what?" Dale asked.
"Nothin'," Maggie said over Beth. "It's nothin'."
Carol found Daryl by the shed, sitting on the ground and picking at the grass. She sat down beside him, he looked over instantly to tell her to leave, thinking it was Beth again, but stopped himself. He wondered why she was here, especially after she didn't want to leave Karen's side. Did something happen?
"Wh—?"
"Mm-mm." She shook her head. "Not now."
"All right."
"She's pregnant," Carol told him. "She wasn't pregnant when she came the first time, but she is now."
He nodded.
"If anything else happens...I need you to get Sophia outta here." She met his eyes. "Change her name and yours and get yourselves lost."
He took her hand. "Get ourselves lost. There ain't a me without you."
She didn't say anything for a minute. "Is it worth it? Running from all we have here—our family, our jobs, our home—and building a life that may fall to pieces one day? Would it be worth it?"
He studied her face, long and hard, and she didn't look at him. He didn't let go of her hand, and he wasn't letting her pull away. "Yeah," he whispered, "it'd be worth it."
– – –
Carol placed books back on the shelves, having free time since she'd finished her work, and the librarians always needed help. She was bored and tired of sitting around, so this was a great way to spend time. She adjusted the books in her arms, looking for J-K.
Daryl looked through the stacks, knowing Carol in the back, and he glanced over to see the librarians busy helping some kids with their books. He approached her silently as she bent over, sliding books back into place, smirking at the unintentional view she gave him. She wore a black top with a blue cardigan and almost teasingly tight blue jeans.
He set his hands on her hips, she jolted a little, and he shushed her. "You busy?"
"No." She straightened up and faced her boyfriend. "What can I do for you? You want a book?"
He pressed her against the bookcase. "No."
"You wanna screw around?" she teased.
"Yeah." He kissed her.
"Daryl." She moved back. "We're in the library. Anyone could see us."
"Could always go to the book room. Ain't nobody in there." His thumbs rubbed circles into her hips.
"No!" She kept her voice low. "Stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you are now. We promised, not after the last time." She couldn't step back or forward, because he blocked her way, as did the shelves. She really didn't want to make out in a closet again, not after the last time. "We almost got caught by the principal. We graduate in less than a week, so let's just keep our distance. We can meet up later."
"Can't focus in class. I wanted to see you."
She smiled. "Me too. That's why I'm in here." She leaned over and kissed him, he encircled her waist and pressed her against him, and she pushed up on the tips of her toes. She rested her arms around his shoulders, the book she was holding pressed against his shoulder blade, and she parted her lips. It was little odd to be making out in the library, but they were deep in the stacks, and not a lot of people were coming into the library, just seniors who wanted to turn in their textbooks and borrowed calculators. She wasn't worried about getting into trouble. She was worried about not wanting to stop.
Ever since her birthday, sex was always an option. Daryl never pushed her. He didn't need to. She loved how he made her feel, how it felt when he was inside of her, their bodies one. Sometimes she would be sitting in class and glance over at him and just want to touch him. He watched her in class most of the time, and she pretended not to notice, though the smile that formed gave her away. Lori would make fake gagging noises beside her, and Andrea would tossed a note on her desk to tell her to keep this G. She just rolled her eyes.
"Daryl." His hands were underneath her shirt, and she pulled away. "Stop, please."
He was breathing as hard as she was and nodded. "Are you busy after school?"
"I don't have to work, and I don't have to study, so yeah."
"Good." He half-smiled at her and kissed her once more. "Meet me at the dock 'round six. Bring your appetite."
She arched a brow. "Are we dining there?"
"You'll see." He kissed her then left.
She bit her lip and smiled, covering her face with the book she was holding. Keep calm, Carol. If you squeal, you'll be the creepiest senior ever.
––
"There you are." Lori jogged over to her. "Hey, sign my yearbook."
"I haven't already?" Carol closed her locker and took the permanent marker. "Wait, I'll need time for this. I mean, I have years to draw on. I'm borrowing this."
"Fine, lemme borrow yours. You bought one today, right?"
"Umm, I want Daryl to be the first one to sign my yearbook." She bit her lip. "Sorry."
"You two are so cute it's sickening." She shook her head. "No, it's just sickening."
She smiled. "I love you too. I'll let you have my yearbook tomorrow."
"All right. You're bringing me a chocolate muffin too. I hate to be kept waiting."
"Are you serious? We're having a breakfast party in first tomorrow!"
"Chocolate muffin."
She groaned. "I hate you."
"Bye."
She slipped the yearbook into her backpack and headed to her car, driving home. She settled in her bedroom, using a full page to write to Lori with a favorite purple ink pen. She knew she and Lori would keep in touch through college and such, but she still wanted her to know how much she loved her and their time together. She was her best female friend, along with Andrea, who still hadn't let her sign her yearbook.
She pulled her yearbook out, running her finger over the Carol Greene nameplate. She wished Daryl could afford one, because she would fill the pages. He would probably snort at her and say this wasn't a damn romance novel, but she didn't care. She wanted him to know always how she felt. He grew up thinking most touches were abusive, and she wanted the rest of his life to be spent with him knowing touches could be sweet and loving. It was her goal...until she had to leave for college.
She shook her head, refusing to think about that now.
"Carol." Annette nodded toward the stairs. "It's dinnertime, honey."
"It's six?" She checked her watch. "Um, I have plans. With Daryl. I forgot to ask, but is that all right?"
She pursed her lips. "I hate being the bad guy." Carol frowned, disappointment heavy in her eyes. "Go on."
"Yay! Thanks, Mom!" She hugged her then hurried out the door and down to the dock. She didn't want to take time to saddle a horse, so she just ran. She could only hope she wouldn't be a sweaty mess by the time she arrived.
At the dock, she saw Daryl sitting down on a blank, a bag by his head, and she caught her breath, forcing herself the last few feet. Man, she was out of shape. She needed to run more or something. She hadn't been chased by Shawn in so long, and she was out of shape on her birthday too. Goodness. Did he have water?
"Hey." His eyes were closed.
"Why do you say that like you know it's me?" She sat down, her legs curled beside her, panting.
"Well, it is." He turned his head. "You're late."
"I know. I was busy signing Lori's yearbook and—Shit, I left mine at home! I wanted you to sign it! Darn it."
"Carol, we live together."
"I know, but still. I wanted to read whatever you write, like, right now." Her throat felt as if it were sticking together. "Do you have water? I'm dying."
He reached into the bag at his head and handed her a bottle wet with condensation. "You run here?"
She nodded and opened the bottle, taking a long drink, and Daryl narrowed his eyes as water dripped down onto her collarbone, watching the droplets slid down her shirt, disappearing behind the V-neckline. She didn't notice. "That's feels so good. I can feel that going down." She closed the lid and saw his eyes. "What?"
"Nothin'." He scratched his chin. "You hungry?"
"Not just yet." She set the bottle down and leaned over to kiss him, but stopped short. "What's that smell?"
"It ain't bad, is it?"
"No, it smells like—it smells like jerky or something. Did you bring jerky?" She sat back.
He nodded. "Deer."
"Gross, Daryl! That's horrible!"
"Don't knock it till you try it."
"I am not trying it. That is wrong. I will only eat cow, pig and chicken. Occasionally turkey."
"If I had given you a piece without tellin' you what it was, you'd have eaten it."
"Nu-uh! I would have asked what the hell you were feeding me!"
"Sure." He reached into the bag and sift through it, pulling out a plastic baggie. "Try this. It ain't deer."
"What is it then? Baby cow?"
"No, just try it."
She opened it and smelled it, and she was surprised at how her mouth water. She tentatively reached into the bag and pulled a piece out. "What is it?"
"Just eat it. Trust me."
She closed her eyes and bit into it. "I do trust you, which is why I'm going to eat this, but if this is deer or bear or some other animal, I'll—"
"It ain't. Just chew," he interrupted her.
She chewed it, but wasn't able to tell what it was. It was meaty, but it wasn't like any jerky she'd had. She wasn't the biggest fan of jerky, but sometimes in a blue moon, she craved it. Whatever this was, she liked it. She ate the piece whole, chewing and reaching for another chuck, and Daryl was smirking when she opened her eyes.
"Slow down, you'll upset your stomach."
She covered her mouth with her hand. "Shut up."
He moved her hand and pulled her closer, kissing her and tasting the jerky on her tongue and breath. He shifted his hand to her jeans, tugging on her belt, and she giggled a little against his mouth, moving closer. She moved loose hair out of her face, her braid tickling his chin, so she flipped it over her shoulder and kissed him.
They kissed for a long time, hands wandering, and the food he had brought was forgotten. The sounds of the frogs and bugs didn't bother them, neither did the fact that the sun was beating down on them. She was still on top of him, her legs tangled with his at the end of the blanket and her hands were underneath his shirt, resting just above his hips. She liked the feel of his chest against hers since usually it was Daryl was on top when they made out, and he left a small space between them. She could get used to this.
She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I love you."
"You told me today."
"Yeah, I know, but that doesn't make it any less true." She moved his bangs from his face. "We have a curfew, but my parents won't come looking for me. They'll probably call or Mom will text me."
"Yeah, so?"
"So since we're out here alone...do you want to?"
He smirked. "In broad daylight?"
"No one ever comes out here." She ran her fingers through his bangs now. "And I won't see you tomorrow, not at school or here, because I'm working the Greene Leaf till close. Daddy will have working the farm, so you'll be dead when I get home, completely knocked out."
"What happened to the shy girl who wouldn't even talk 'bout sex without blushin' and stutterin'?" he teased.
"She fell deeply in love with a guy, and she can't enough of him." She smiled. "You're like sunshine to me, Daryl, and I want to soak in as much as I can before I have to go."
He swallowed.
She kissed him. "I don't wanna forget." She trailed kisses down his throat, running her tongue over his Adam's apple, and he groaned low in his throat. She spread her fingers over his breast to feel his heart racing, and she used her other hand to unbuttoned his shirt, exposing more of his upper chest so her lips had more to kiss.
"I love you."
He caught her hips as she slid down his body, kissing his abdomen, and he rolled her onto her back with his hips, his shirt completely unbuttoned. His eyes met hers, and she ran her index finger down his chest and to his jeans, tugging on the waistband of his jeans. He kissed her, her soft tongue sliding across his, and he buttoned her belt and jeans, pushing her shirt up and kissing the exposed skin there. He ran his tongue over her belly button, she whimpered softly, and he gathered the hem of her shirt, tugging it off.
"You're so beautiful." He helped her pushing shirt off his shoulders. "You're goddamn gorgeous."
She smiled, caressing his cheeks. "You don't have to say those things."
"I'm gonna, 'cause they're true." He frowned a little when tears formed in her eyes. "Carol—stop."
She took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm sorry."
"We got plenty of time." She wiped at her eyes. "Hey, I love you."
"I love you too. I will always love, Daryl Dixon, no matter where I go or far away I am. You are my heart and my soul, I mean that."
He smiled a little wider than usual. "Same to you, Carol Harrison."
She laced her fingers behind his neck and pulled him down to kiss him.
––
"We're going to get in trouble." Carol threaded her arms through Daryl's hair as he settled against her, his head resting on her bare stomach. He'd given her his shirt to wear, but pushed it up so that his face was on her bare skin.
"Don't care." He buried his face into her stomach, and she giggled. "What?"
"You're ticking me. That stubble of yours."
He bit her belly button, and she covered her mouth with her hand. "Tattoo looks good."
"Hmm." She moved her hand. "Thank you."
He smirked. "You want another?"
"No, I think I'm set for life."
He moved so that his face was on her chest, his nose against her neck, and he wrapped his arms around her. "Let's just stay out here tonight."
"I want to. I'm tired." She looked up at the night sky. "They're so pretty. Uh, the stars, I mean. It's like you can just reach up and grasp them."
He glanced up. "Mmm-hmm."
"I like that no matter where I go, I know you'll be looking at the same sky." She lifted her hand up toward the vast sky above them. "It'll make the loneliness bearable, I hope."
"I could go with you," he whispered. "Get a job, buy a place."
She lowered her arm to rest on his shoulder. "I would love that, but...no. I don't want you to move for me. Here you have Merle and T-dog and the shop, and I won't ask you to leave all of that behind for me. I won't."
"It'd be worth it," he murmured very softly.
"What?"
"Nothin'."
"Are my breasts comfortable?" She laughed as he buried his face into them and nodded. "If it helps you sleep."
Being with her helped him sleep."It does."
"Good night." She kissed the top of his head.
"Night."
– – –
She glanced over at him and leaned into him. "We need to change Sophia's birth certificate, and I need to change my name. I should have done it months ago. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner, but we're doing it now."
"What're you goin' back to?"
"I have two—three options: Harrison, Greene, and Horvath." She shrugged. "I don't know which I'll choose, but I don't want anything to do with Peletier."
"Could always go back to bein' a Dixon," he murmured.
"Sophia will be." She pulled her legs in tighter. "Maybe one day, if you ask me real sweet-like."
He scoffed, and she giggled at the sound, but it was dry and trailed off too soon. "I'm sorry 'bout Milton, even if you don't wanna talk 'bout him."
"Thank you. He was a good man. He and I would read over baby books when I was pregnant, and he would joke about something permanently swelling, I would freak out, and he'd start busting out laughing." She buried her face into his shoulder. "I hate him so much. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach, and it makes me want to throw up."
"I don't even know the prick, but I feel the same."
"Karen's trying to be strong, trying to force herself to mourn and get it over with, but it doesn't work that way. After all those years, I still missed you. I know you weren't dead, but for all I knew, you were and—and if I thought about it too long, I couldn't breathe."
"Me too," he murmured.
"If it wasn't for Karen and Milton, I don't know where I'd be right now." Her eyes burned. "Milton wasn't always there in person, because he worked so much, but I knew he was wishing us well."
"Carol?"
"Mmm?"
"Promise me somethin'."
"What?" She wiped her nose on her hand.
"Promise you'll stop shuttin' me out. I hate when you do that."
"I—I didn't mean to. I just... I don't know. It was easier to shutdown, it's what my body and mind are used to. That's how I survived with Ed." Her eyes widened at her words, and he rested his chin on his upraised knee. She gripped his sleeve. "I won't do that again. I swear, because I love you, Daryl, and I want you in my life for as long as you'll have me."
He peeked at her face. "I ain't—"
"And you'll never be him!" she cut him off. "I—You have to understand what it's like."
"I do, but it ain't just me. It's Sophia! It's your family!"
"I've been better..." her voice trailed off. "I thought I was doing better... Wasn't I?"
"You were, but now Milton's gone, and...my guard's up. I'm just waitin' for you to shutdown, and I don't like that I'm waitin'. I don't."
"I'm not going to shutdown on you ever again, okay? I mean this. I'm here with you, with our daughter and with our family." She searched his eyes. "I'll mourn Milton, but I won't let it break me down. Losing Mom after only having three months with her—I just thought I'd have years. I wasted my time with a man who didn't deserve it when I could've been here with her. All I kept thinking about were the things we could've done. I'm sorry I shut you out. I was just...drowning in the what ifs and if onlys."
He shifted and held her in his arms, she buried her face in his neck, and he knew everything was going to change after today. He didn't know if it was going to be for the best, but it was going to change. He didn't mind change, there was no point in fighting it either. He would keep them safe, no matter what happened.
She settled down in his arms, and he murmured, "Annette chose good."
"What?" She moved so that she could see his face. "Chose what good?"
"'My life's been full, I've savored much: Good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief—don't shorten yours with undue grief'."
"How did you—?" It was at the Greene Leaf, but she'd never told him her mom chose that for her.
"I found the slip of paper by accident. I was lookin' for that allergy medicine for Sophia." He met her eyes. "That last bit, it fits."
"It does." She curled against him. "I am going to mourn Milton tomorrow, and as for today, I'm going to spend it with my family. I'm going to laugh and smile and eat my weight in whatever smells so damn good."
"Let's go then."
– – –
To my sweet little nurse-to-be,
I remember the day you were born. You were this little pink-faced thing, your big, blue eyes and little cries filled the room, as did Josephine's cries. She just looked at you for many minutes without saying anything, just took you in, and then Maggie broke the silence by snapping her fingers. We all assume she though Josephine was in a trance and she was trying to wake her up.
I had to wait for Hershel and Ethan—who had called dibs on holding you third—before I got a chance to hold you. You were the smallest of all our babies, definitely smaller than Shawn. He was like pushing out a nineteen pound Thanksgiving turkey—Don't ever tell him I wrote that! Anyway, I held you in my arms and looked into those beautiful eyes that would one day have Hershel caving when you begged for anything, and I just fell in love with you. You were—and still are—so precious and gentle and the spiting image of Josephine.
Just so you know: Maggie's attitude toward you kept fluctuating. First she wanted nothing to do with you, because she thought you would replace her. Then she was grumpy, because she still wanted to be the first to hold you. Finally, she just huffed and accepted you. With Hershel's assistance, she was able to hold you. She looked at you with her big green eyes for about a minute and smiled a little, telling Hershel that if they ever needed her to watch you, she would. It was a sweet.
When you started walking, it drove Maggie crazy. She would have to follow you to make sure you didn't fall and get hurt. She would be playing with Shawn—bullying him, really—and you would scoot on by, and she shoot up and ran after you. She was so worried you'd wander off, especially on the farm. Jo would always keep her eye on you, but she didn't to. Maggie would follow you and grab your shirt or a pigtail or your diaper to make sure you didn't get away. She'd turn to Jo and say, "I got her, Mommy!". Sometimes when she went to stop you by grabbing your diaper, she would accidentally pull it off and you'd keep hobbling along until Hershel or Ethan caught you. You thought it was a game, and you'd just giggle while Hershel and Ethan panted after you—they were both terribly out of shape.
The first time you sang in church, you were about ten years old. You were nervous, but you wanted to sing. You had promised Jo and me, and you didn't want to break your promise, so you got up there and just...paled. You went as white as a sheet for about two minutes then you started to sing, and it was so smooth for someone whose hands were shaking. You were terrified, but you still did it. That's something you need to never let go of. Life can be so rough, and it can shake you to the core, so you need to be strong.
You were always small with that bright blond hair and those compassionate green eyes. You always go out of your way to let others know you care. You do the little things that people don't realize are necessary. Without you, things would fall apart, and I do mean that. Don't ever think you're worthless, because you are anything but. You're a special person, and one day, you'll see that God has shaped you to prepare you for your future.
I know you hate your body for not being able to bear children, but my darling girl, there's always a chance—a slim chance. You may not want to have hope, but you must. Hope isn't easy, I know. It can linger inside of you, hidden sometimes by doubt or hate or dark thoughts, but it is always there. It will keep pushing you a little more every day, and if something tragic happens, it'll falter for only a second. Or may falter for a great while and may need someone else's hope to come and ignite it again. In addition, you can always adopt, and I know you'll love that child with every fiber of your being and you'll be a great mother to him or her. Or them, if you adopt more. Just don't let your inability to do one thing stop you from being happy, and you know exactly what I'm talking about, Beth. Don't roll your eyes and get huffy, because I will kick your hide when you get up here, missy.
Oh, home. I've missed it so much. I think it's having privacy and not having a doctor walk in to ask me how I feel that makes home so great. Well, that's not including my children, husband and Patrica and Otis. I'm blessed to have Carol back, but what it's done to you tears at me. You've been struggling to keep that secret for so long, and knowing that Carol wasn't barren after all doesn't help. You've always tried to find a way to bond with Carol, but only ended up butting heads. You've always known Carol would come home, and I know you wanted to talk to her about your shared inability to have children, ask how she felt about it, and I am sorry that you won't have that conversation. Perhaps one day, you'll make peace with it. Please, try. It will all work out, so don't hate yourself or Carol or anybody. Life is hard enough without adding to it.
There is no happiness without courage nor struggle without virtue. Don't forget that, my little nurse-to-be. Make yourself proud—I'm already proud, as is your father.
That night we camped out in the woods before I fell ill when it was just you and me; because Shawn was too busy trying to surprise Sasha and Maggie was busy with practicing her aim and Hershel wanted it to be a mother-daughter bonding trip. You were trying to decide what to take that semester for school, and I was trying to decide if pumpkin muffins would sell well. You kept asking me about your required classes, naming why you needed to take them, and why you weren't sure you could pass the class. You were really whining, and I wanted to to escape the tent; but you were blocking the way, so I took the notebook I bad brought with me and smacked you in the face. You never saw your face, but my goodness, it was priceless. You stared for about a minute then her face scrunched up for another minute then you say raised your hand up to rub your forehead and muttered, "Ow". I still wish I had a camera with me, because that face! After that, the rest of the night was pleasant, because you put the schedule away and we started talking. I think that was the first time it was just the two of us without Maggie or your phone getting in the way. I'm very glad that wasn't the last time, my darling.
I've been trying to decide what write you for the past few hours, just looking over the many pages I've written these past few years while in the hospital and a few from when I just had free time. I never kept a diary, not a traditional one, at least. I write here and there, just when I wonder something or want to remind myself of something or when I don't want to forget something. I've written some darker things and some lighter things, and then I've written this. It's a bit of both, very like you. I've seen the way you'll stare off into space sometimes, and I know you'd never do anything so stupid as to harm yourself or end your life, but I worry about you. Sometimes, I think you weren't loved enough. No, sometimes I think you felt you weren't loved enough.
With Carol gone and Shawn's marriage and babies on the way and Maggie's career, you've just been place in the shadows. I want you to know that you are loved, deeply, unconditionally and eternally. I may not have carried you for nine months—I would never take that from your mother—but I have felt you stirring inside of Jo, felt you kicking and when you were born, Jo asked me to be yours and Maggie's godmother. She told me I had to do two things: love you girls—I already did—and be there for you. I haven't been there for you lately, and you may try and argue that I have been in your head, but I feel like I haven't, darling. Carol needed me and so did Shawn, and I am sorry if you needed me while I was with them, but I know in the pit of my very soul that you will be just fine when I am gone. You've taken care of your father, your siblings and the house all on your own, and I am proud of you. But you don't need to do that any longer. They're all adults, and they can take care of themselves. Be there for them, yes, but don't dedicate your life to being there. You're so young, and there's so much you haven't experienced, haven't learned from living life, and I don't want you to miss any of that. You and Zach are very special to each other, and I can see that going somewhere if you would stop trying to make him think like you do. Your infertility isn't a curse. It isn't a punishment. It's just something that happened, because you were born to be real, not perfect, and there is a slim chance. There always is. I hope you see that.
With unconditional love, Annette Grace Harrison-Greene.
Beth lowered the letter and sighed. If only it were so easy...
"I know Zach's late, but that's no reason to sit away from us," Patricia hovered in the doorway to Beth's room, looking down at her. "Oh, letters."
Her head snapped up. "You—you knew 'bout them?"
"No, but I spoke with Hershel. He told me about them." She sat down beside her. "Do you want to talk about yours?"
"N—" she stopped. "Yeah, I would."
"I'm listein', hon."
She met Patricia's eyes. "I...don't know where to start."
She nodded. "Well, we can start in the kitchen. I hear you wanted to make Annette's Dutch apple pie, and I can help you."
"Really? That'd be great!" She smiled.
"Let's go."
Beth tucked the letters into her diary pages before they left her bedroom, and she closed it, seeing the picture of her, Maggie, Mom, Carol and Annette on Christmas lying in the drawer beside it, and she looked it over for a second then pulled it out and placed it on the nightstand. Even if it hurt to see her moms, she wanted this picture out.
She smiled at it and turned to leave with Patricia. "So when I tried to make it at Zach's, I..."
– – –
"Where are the girls?" Carol asked as they brought out the lanterns for light. "I've only seen them once."
"Amy's professionally kidnapping them," Shawn teased.
"They're in the barn." Dale sat beside them. "I need to have a word with you two."
"This is serious, isn't it? No more surprises, please. I doubt I can take any more surprises." Shawn rested his arms on the table. "What do you want to discuss?"
"Ethan had an inheritance," Dale explained to them. "He didn't want to take my parents' name, and he didn't take the inheritance either. I've kept the money all these years, helping Annette with bills after Ethan passed, and with your car and surgery, but there still a hefty amount left. It belongs to you two now."
"How much is hefty?" Shawn glanced at Carol then back at Dale.
"The exact amount is 500,000 to be split between the two of you."
"Holy shit!" Shawn exclaimed. "Are you serious?"
"Oh, my God." Carol gaped at him.
"Yes, that's about 250,000 for each of you. I figured with the twins coming next month, you would like the money as soon as possible." He turned to Carol. "And Sophia will need a college fund. Or you could buy a new house."
"Tw—two—" Shawn couldn't speak. "I feel faint. Oh, my God."
"Wow, that's a lot of money. I've only seen that much money on TV." Carol shifted on the bench. "God, what would I even—?" Backup money. She could put some in a new account and keep it just in case they had to burn this life down. The timing was almost perfect. Everything works out the way it's supposed to.
"I was just stressing out about money too. Sasha and I have plenty saved, but what if something happens to the twins or us? What if she gets pregnant again by accident? Thank you, Dale. You just spared me and my hair from...well, looking like you and yours."
"If you weren't my nephew, I would have you arrested somehow," Dale mused.
Shawn laughed. "I feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I have to tell Sasha." He shot up and made his way back to the house.
"What about you, Carol?"
"College fund, without a doubt." She rested her head on her hand. "And maybe a new car. Mine's a piece of crap."
"Yes, it is." He chuckled.
"Why did Mom never use the money?"
"She didn't need it; she had you and Shawn. That's all she needed." He patted her hand then went to help with the fire.
Carol exhaled softly and looked at the night sky. "Thanks, Mom."
"All right, Amy wants us to come to the barn," T-dog announced. "C'mon!"
Her family gathered inside the barn at Amy's request. Carol sat on the ground behind Daryl, his arms around her, Sasha and Shawn were sitting bales of hay with Tyreese and Dale, Maggie and Glenn were sitting on a blanket, Hershel, Patricia, and Otis were sitting in lawn chairs, and Jacqui and T-dog were standing by the entrance to the barn. Beth, who had learned that Zach's mom had gotten sucked into other plans, was sitting with her head in his lap, and they'd all gotten to him a little better. Mag and Carol teased him all day, just because they could. Carol never got to meet Jimmy, so she had to make up for that.
"I have brought entertainment, although it has absolutely nothing to do with the fourth," Amy announced. "Shawn, the music, if you will."
As A Place In The Choir by Celtic Thunder began to play, Paige and Sophia came out from behind hay. Sophia's hair was braided into pigtails with a pale blue cowgirl hat on, and she wore the same dress she left the house in. Paige's hair was over her shoulder, with a white cowgirl hat on, and she had on the cutest little tartan dress with boots on. Amy had spent the day teaching them this dance, and she really had enjoyed doing it. She knew then what she wanted to do with her life.
Carol watched the girls do their cute little dance, and she glance out the door to the barn, seeing the darkness. She would never be able to keep her promise to Daryl, knowing Ed was still out there. He was the skeleton in all her closets, and he was the shadow she fled from. She wasn't going to break her promise to him, so Ed would have to be dealt with. He took her away from her family, took Milton permanently from his wife and unborn child, and it was her turn to take from him. She just didn't know what exactly to take.