All You Leave Behind

by Lynnth2014

Carol's on the run from a mistake in her recent past, but the only place she can go has the man she ran from originally. She had to find somewhere safe for her daughter, and that meant going home, back to her friends and family, back where they would find happiness. But with light, there is always dark, and he was Carol's. He would find them, it was only a matter of time.

35. I Was Wrong

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

––

"All right." Andrea walked the length of the couch, speaking to Carol on the house phone. "So, Phillip will be picking Penny up in twenty minutes?"

"Yes. I just called him, and it's all sorted."

"Good. That little girl is driving Paige insane." She glanced at Paige and Amy, who were making cookies for Merle. "I'll be waiting for him. Oh, and tell Sasha I'll be down there as soon as Mr. Blake and Penny are gone. I can't wait to see those little angels."

"Well, those little angels are taking their sweet time. Seriously."

She laughed. "Keep them all cute and sleepy for me. I have no idea how to handle a baby. I was horrible with Amy."

"I know. You've told me the stories about a million times."

"Want to make it a million and one times?"

"Um, no. I have to get back in there. Shawn's ass isn't here, so it's just me and Jacqui. Sasha's pissed, and so are we all. All right, my break is up, so I will see you when you get here."

"Mmm'kay, bye." She hung up and slipped the phone into her back pocket. "May I have a cookie?"

"Of course!" Paige looked over the options and chose a heart-shaped cookie with a green M on it. "Here. Tell me how it tastes! I made this all by myself!"

Andrea took the cookie and bit into it, a little tentatively, but it was really good. A little too sweet, but still good. "These are delicious."

"Really?"

"Really. I just—I need some milk or water."

Amy bit back a smirk and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, filling it with milk and handing the glass to her sister. "I told her not to add so much sugar, but she added too much salt, so...sorry."

Andrea shrugged, drinking the milk. "It's fine."

"I hope Merle likes them." Paige spooned out dough from the last batch.

"It's Merle." Andrea sat down on a stool. "He likes anything, especially junk."

"I know, but I don't want him to like it just 'cause he likes food. I want him to like them 'cause they're good."

"He will." Amy smiled reassuringly at her daughter. "And you can call him Dad. He told you that was all right."

She shook her head.

"Why not?" Andrea set the cookie on the napkin she'd ripped off the roll.

"It's too early." She finished spooning out the dough then set the spoon down. "I don't...know that he'll stay," she whispered.

"What?"

"Paige, he'll stay." Amy tucked hair loose from her braid behind her ear. "He wants to be in your life. In our lives."

"I don't wanna get my hopes you is all." She shrugged. "The cookies are ready for the oven. I'm gonna go wash my hands." She hopped off the chair and went to the bathroom.

"Wow, that was depressing. I think I need a hug after that." Andrea crossed her legs. "She doesn't want to get her hopes up? Did you have a five-year-old or a fifty-year-old?"

"She's an old soul." Amy picked up the cookie sheet and placed it into the oven, setting the timer. "I'll have to talk to her, explain that Merle is staying, and then talk to Merle. He'll reassure her better than me."

"So, you and Merle?" Andrea broke off part of the cookie. "How is that going?"

She cocked her hip. "He's injured, and all I want to do is take care of him." She started to clean up the mess of flour and eggs.

"You came home completely flush, and you're telling me nothing happened?"

She tossed egg shells into the trash. "Yes, nothing."

"Uh, lair."

She glanced at the hall to see if Paige was coming then looked at her sister. "It wasn't anything special. We've mostly talked, and yes, I may have...done something for him, but that's it."

"Okay, lair." She took a drink of milk. "So, are you going to visit Carol and them at the hospital?"

"Of course! I'm excited to see the twins!" She pointed to the small basket. "I made it for Sasha and Shawn, mostly so I won't eat my weight in sugar cookies."

"Don't forget to give Carol her locket back."

"Oh!" Amy set her hand on the locket. "I almost forgot! Thank you for reminding me!"

"That's my job." She wiped her hands on her jeans as she finished the cookie.

"I have so much to do. The studio is getting painted this week, and Dale has list of people who want their kids to be in my class, and soon Paige will be in first grade—first grade, Andrea!" She whimpered softly. "She was just in preschool! Soon, it's gonna be second then ninth then proms and graduation and boyfriends!"

"That little girl is going to be a virgin until Merle's took weak to beat someone's ass down."

Amy laughed. "Oh, what Merle would do is child's play compared to what I'll do if he becomes an asshole afterward. I'll gut him like a fish."

Andrea smiled. "Lighten up. She'll be smart about it."

"God, I hope so. I hope she talks to me. I'm so scared she'll stop talking to me." She rolled her eyes to keep the tears back, but Andrea saw them. "I just—I'm scared she'll be like me. She'll become resentful if I get too busy to spend time with her and—and just lash out, and there won't be anything I can do."

"Am, don't worry about that now. She's just a kid. Let her be a kid and don't push her."

"I'm just emotional this week." She wiped at her eyes. "Damn monthly."

"Eat a cookie."

"I can't. I already ate a batch of cookie dough." She pulled her sleeves down. "That's why we're baking again today."

"Amy, an entire batch?" She nodded. "Next time, come and get me and we'll share."

The doorbell rang and sounded through the house.

"I'll get it." She slipped off the stool and answered the door, finding an attractive brunette in a dark red button-down and jeans with sunglasses on. She smiled politely. "Phillip Blake?"

He removed his sunglasses. "Yes, ma'am."

"Please, call me Andrea." She stepped aside. "Come inside."

He entered. "Hmm."

"What?" She paused in calling for Penny.

"It's nothing. You have a lovely home." He smiled, showing his teeth.

Amy narrowed her eyes at Andrea and Phillip. "Hey, Penny!" She then smiled. "I'm Amy."

"It's nice to meet you both. I want to thank you for taking care of Penny for me. I really appreciate it."

"Don't worry about it. We were glad to help." Andrea crossed her arms. "I'm sorry about your wife."

He ducked his head. "Yes, well...thank you."

"Daddy!" Penny dropped her bag and ran over to him, he scooped her up and hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, pumpkin." He let out a happy chuckle. "It's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you too."

He released her. "I wish there was something I could do to make this up to you both. You took time out of your life to watch my daughter, and I am so grateful."

"Don't worry about it." Andrea stepped back and picked up Penny's bag. "Just take care of each her."

He nodded. "I will. Thank you both."

She held out the bag then gave Penny a hug. "Take care, sweetheart."

"Thank you, Andrea." She squeezed her then stepped back.

Amy walked over to them and gave Penny a hug. "Be good, honey." She let her go. "I'll be right back." She retrieved her daughter, and she made her say goodbye. "Be polite."

Paige hugged Penny quickly. "Bye. Have a safe flight."

"Yeah, thanks."

There was an awkward silence then Andrea walked Phillip and Penny out, and Amy was tempted to just attack the cookies in the oven. They'd be all mushy and warm and melt-y.

"Yes!" Paige softly cheered.

"Paige," Amy warned.

"Sorry." Paige still grinned.

– – –

"How does it look?" Daryl asked, looking over the many options of cards for newborns. Since Sasha didn't want anybody in the room just yet—mostly she didn't want them to see her bawling like a baby—they went to get gifts. Carol was at the hospital still, getting her shoulder look at by Dr. Stookey, and Daryl was concerned.

"It's fine—no infection, no torn anything. I just need to be more careful, which I will be, after I hold my niece and nephew."

"Well, I found a card for 'em. Sophia picked up a teddy bear with some balloons."

"Great." She heard someone call her name and turned; it was Shawn. He was waving her over, and she smiled. "I gotta go. I love you." She hung up and walked over to him. "Can I see them?"

"Yeah. Jacqui, T and Tyreese are with her now. It's a sneak peek, so you can't tell anybody this happened. C'mon."

They hurried back to Sasha's room, Jacqui was holding the still nameless baby girl with T-dog behind her, smiling at the beautiful little girl who had her father's complexion, his nose and her mother's mouth, ears and hair. She was so adorable and the definitely the chunky monkey of the two, and she had cute round cheeks. Tyreese was holding the nameless baby boy. He was the exact opposite of his sister with his mother's nose and hair and ears, but his father's complexion, his mouth and even his fingers. He had the same cute cheeks as his sister, and when he was older, Jacqui would probably pinch those cheeks every single time she saw him.

Shawn sat down beside Sasha as Tyreese handed the boy to his aunt, and Shawn gave his wife a loving smile.

Ty noticed the tears in Carol's eyes. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I'm great."

"So, this is where everybody is." Hershel walked into the room and stopped by Carol, looking at his first grandson. "Do they have names yet?"

"Not ones we know," T-dog replied. "Unless my granddaughter's name is Baby Girl Greene."

"It's original," Shawn teased.

"Shawn Tanner Greene, you'd better tell me that's not what we have to call our granddaughter," Jacqui scolded, her eyes slicing into his.

"No, that's not her name." He held his arms out, and Jacqui slowly handed the girl over to her father. "Sasha, do you want to go first?"

"No, I want to know what I'm going to call my daughter." She pushed herself up and eyed her husband. "Please tell me it's not Rain or Teagan or anything."

"I am not that st—Teagan? Where did you even hear that?"

"It was in that baby name book." She waved it away. "What's her name?" She prayed it wasn't ridiculous.

"Well, I wanted to wait, but I guess it doesn't matter if I wait or not. You'll all know her name by the end of the day anyhow." He cleared his throat and looked at his daughter. "Everybody, well mostly everybody, I want you to meet Lydia Joann."

Carol smiled a little. "Joann? As in Jo and Anne?"

"Are you going to spell it now too?" Her smile went a little bitter, but still loving. "She looks like a Lydia Joann." He smiled back at her and his father then to his wife. "Do you approve?"

"I love it." Sasha smiled, tears in her eyes again. "It's perfect."

"I know."

"And the boy?" Hershel asked.

"Here." Carol gently passed the boy to Sasha.

"Well, Lydia's big brother's name is Devon Elijah Greene."

"Devon?" Shawn arched a brow.

"It's my grandfather's name," she replied.

"Devon Douglas?"

"I'm sorry, do you have a problem with our son's name?"

"No. It's just... No." He smiled. "At least their names don't start with the same letter."

"I've always hated that."

Carol smiled at them, setting a hand on her stomach unconsciously, and she exhaled softly. Hershel squeezed her arm comfortingly; she moved her hand over his for a moment then excused herself. She took a few quick breaths out in the hall then wiped her eyes. She was so happy for Shawn. They were a beautiful family. They were going to have a good future together, and so was she with Daryl and Sophia. Ed was no longer going to be in their lives. In anybody's life. That was a good thing, a great thing. Samantha's family had peace, and Samantha could rest easy knowing her killer would never hurt anyone else ever again. It all worked out for the best. Ed was gone, Carol was home and pregnant and surrounded by people she loved, and her niece and nephew were beautiful and healthy, and Beth and Maggie and Daryl and Shawn and everyone in her live was in her life. She was blessed, and God let everything work out the way it was meant to. They could all begin again, or just...be.

"What's wrong?" Beth asked with Maggie behind her. "Carol?"

"It's the twins. Gosh, they're so precious. Go and see them." She smiled for their sake.

Beth returned it and went inside.

"You sure that's all?" Maggie pressed.

"Yes. I'm just...a ball of emotions." She crossed her arms. "I wish Mom could see them, you know? She would've been so proud and happy."

Maggie hugged her. "Yes, she would've been." Her eyes were filled with sadness and worry.

"Don't worry about me!" Carol insisted. "Go and see our nice and nephew!"

"I'm here, if you need me." Maggie entered the room after squeezing Carol's arm.

Shawn stepped out and pulled Carol into a hug. "Self-defense is not murder." He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. "You did what you had to do to protect yourself and that little peanut. Don't ever think you're a killer, 'cause you're not. You'll never be."

She dug her nails into his back and nodded.

He slowly rocked from right to left, and Carol narrowed her eyes against his shoulder. "Hey little train! We are all jumping on. The train that goes to the Kingdom." Carol snorted as he moved them from side to side more. "We're happy, Ma, we're having fun. And the train ain't even left the station."

"God, Shawn!" She laughed. "You're such a geek!"

"Hey, little train! Wait for me! I once was blind but now. " He chuckled. "I see have you left a seat for me? Is that such a stretch of the imagination?"

"Let go of me."

"And smile!" He released her, wearing the biggest, most fake smile ever. "C'mon, you'll get through this. I'm here for you, just with nappies and pacifiers."

She smiled. "I'll be there too, watching you two attempt to handle this."

He thought about it then attacked her with an even tighter hug. "God, don't ever leave me."

She laughed. "Get off me."

"Mommy!" Sophia ran over. "Can we see the babies? Please? Please?"

"Yes, you can, munchkin!" Shawn didn't let go of Carol. "Just get me some tape. I'm not letting the only one of us with baby experience and who can actually stand me leave me."

"Shawn." Daryl was glaring, especially when Carol winced at the pain he was inadvertently causing her. "Let her go."

"Sorry, kid." He released her. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She set a hand over her shoulder. "Go see your cousins, sweetie."

Sophia squealed and ran into the room after Shawn with the bear Daryl had mentioned.

"Truth?" Daryl stepped closer.

She moved her hand and pushed her shirt aside to let him see the bandage; there was no blood, and it was fine. "It's fine." She covered it. "Let's not keep them waiting."

"Wait." He caught her wrist and pulled her back, she met his eyes, and he kissed her softly.

"Hey, break it up." Amy slipped her hand in between their foreheads. "Minor here."

Daryl let out a slight growl as he pulled away and Carol giggled.

"I have a gift for you." Amy reached around and unfastened Carol's locket that was hidden by her shirt. "Close your eyes."

"Um, okay." She closed her eyes.

Amy stepped behind her and clasped the necklace around her neck. "Happy early Christmas."

Carol didn't open her eyes, but her hand flew up to the locket, and her eyes burned. She turned and tackled Amy in a hug with one arm, not letting go of the locket. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"You can pay me back by naming your kid after me." She giggled.

"Pssh!"

"A middle name, at least!"

"I'll think about it." She released her. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me." Amy swallowed. She didn't want to be thanked. If she had just found it, maybe, but that wasn't the case. "So, I'm here for the twins, and I brought baked goods. Right, Paige?"

"Yep!" She held up the basket.

"They're totally healthy too," Amy pointed out. "Not that Sasha needs to worry. She was pregnant with twigs apparently. She didn't gain any baby weight, I swear. She carried only in her stomach. What the hell is that? I blew up—ass, face, thighs. It was bad."

Carol laughed. "Well, you look great now."

"Well, I'm not pregnant now," she opened the door to the room, "but I am bloated. I am also going to see those twins."

They entered the room to hold and take pictures of the lives Sasha and Shawn—mostly all Sasha—had brought into the world.

– – –

That night, Amy stared at the ceiling, hearing the clock in the bathroom ticking. She sighed and rolled over onto her back, stacking her hands on her stomach, and she pressed her lips together, checking the time again. It was nine-forty-five. She couldn't sleep again, and when she did sleep, she dreamed of killing Gareth. It was surround-sound and vivid as hell. She could see it in slow motion, watching the blood and tissue spraying onto the door and the floor as his body just...dropped, lifeless. His eyes vacant.

Amy pushed herself up at the sound of whimpering, and she slipped out of bed, walking down the hall to her daughter's bedroom. She rushed inside and over to Paige, setting a hand on her chest and gently shaking her. "Baby, wake up. It's just a nightmare. Wake—"

Lifting her hand, she found warm blood on her palm, and she saw blood spreading across Paige's purple nightgown. Her breath came out in a rush then came the screams.

––

Andrea walked downstairs to get a glass of orange juice for her dry throat, and she heard moaning from down the hall. She set the glass down on the counter then closed the cabinet, listening, and blood curdling screams echoed through the hall. She ran down to the hall and to her sister's room where Paige stood in the doorway with wide eyes, panting as Amy thrashed in the bed.

"Amy!" Andrea gripped her shoulders, pinning her down to stop her from trashing. "Amy!" She gave her a hard shake. "Wake up!"

Her eyes snapped open, sweat coated her brow, and her eyes filled with tears. "A—Andrea?"

"Shh, it's all right. It's over." She hugged her. "Shh."

Amy saw Paige in the doorway with wide eyes, one hand gripped the bottom of her pale blue pajama shirt, and the other cupped against her cheek. Amy noticed the slight swell of her daughter's cheek. She pulled away from her sister and shook her head, moving away as she realized Paige had been in bed with her, and Amy had smacked her in the face in her sleep. "No, no, no, no," she muttered.

"Amy, it's all right." Andrea tried to sooth her, but Amy flinched and turned away. Glancing over her shoulder at her terrified niece, Andrea sighed and crawled off the bed. She picked her up and carried her from the room. She called the one man who would be kind enough to come and pick Paige up and let her spend the night.

"Who you have any idea what time is it?"

"It's time to come and take Paige home with you." Andrea packed her an overnight bag, explaining what happen with Amy and Paige.

"Oh, God. Is she all right?"

"Her cheek is a little swollen, and it might bruise. Amy bruises like a peach, and Paige might too, but I dunno." She zipped up the bag and glanced at Paige, who was sitting on the couch with her jacket and shoes on. "She's shaken up."

"I'll be over there in ten, twenty minutes tops."

"Great. Thank you so much."

"Just make me some coffee."

She laughed. "Okay. That sounds fair. I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

She hung up and checked on Amy. She frowned at the sight of Amy curled up in her bed, crying softly into a pillow. She wanted to comfort her, but she didn't want Paige to hear all of the gory details of Amy's nightmare. Dale would be here soon, and Paige will sleep over there tonight and possibly tomorrow night too. Maybe she could spend some time with Daryl and Carol and Sophia. Right now, Amy needed to focus on herself, and Paige needed to talk to someone wise and someone she could trust. That was Dale. Amy may need therapy. Maybe Shane would know a good therapist; he's a had to kill people in his job, so he might know a good one.

Dale arrived fifteen minutes later and had a cup of coffee while Amy showered. "How is she?"

"Crying her eyes out." She handed Paige a cup of hot coco, smoothing her hair down, careful not to knock the earbud out of her ear. "I don't know if she understands it was him or them in that moment, but I think all she can think about is the fact that she killed a man."

He nodded. "I think we should tell Allen about this."

"What? Why?" She crossed her arms.

"He's her father, and he'll want to know. He may also have a good therapist for her."

"Dale, she's not comfortable talking to Dad about this type of stuff. They're still pissed at each other, because of what happened with Merle." She shook her head. "It won't work."

"Then I'll talk to him. She needs help, Andrea. Maybe even medication."

"Mommy's not crazy." Paige tugged the earbuds out. "She's not!"

Andrea nodded. "I know, sweetheart."

There was a loud thud that came from Amy's room, a soft cry and they all stood still for a moment, not really breathing. Andrea frowned and glanced at Dale then ran down the hall to her sister's room. She threw open the bathroom door, finding Amy on the floor in her robe with blood on her fingertips and wrist, wincing. "Oh, my God!" She gasped, dropping to her knees and finding a piece of broken glass on the floor with blood on it.

"I wasn't," Amy whispered. "I wasn't trying to—"

"I know." She grabbed a washcloth off the rack and wrapped it over Amy's wrist and adding pressure to it. "What happened?"

"I was going to shave my legs since the shower has too much steam, and I can't always see all of the hair, and I filled that glass with water use to clean the razor off—I don't like to waste water—but my hands were still wet, I guess. It...slipped out of my hand and into the sink, and I just automatically reached into the sink to try and catch it... I wasn't thinking."

Andrea nodded.

"I'm not crazy," Amy insisted. "I'm not suicidal."

She met her sister's eyes, seeing fear and worry. Andrea didn't know that Amy was fearful that Andrea might think it was on purpose. It wasn't. She wanted to shave her legs, and she hated to shave in the shower, because the steam made it hard for her to breathe when she too a hot, hot shower like she had. She was worried that Andrea might see her as suicidal, as unfit to raise Paige, and she didn't want the lawyer side of her sister come out to try and get Paige taken away from Amy. Without Paige, she had nothing, and she couldn't bear losing her baby. She couldn't.

"Mommy?" Paige was in the bedroom.

"Don't let her see me like this."

"Dale!" Andrea turned. "Paige, go with Dale."

"But—"

"Go. We love you, and we'll see you soon, okay?"

She reluctantly nodded and left the room, finding Dale and taking his hand. He picked up her bag and left the house with her. Glancing back, Paige worried that her mom might never be the same again.

"This is really deep. You're going to need stitches." Andrea helped her to her feet. "Get dressed, and we'll go to the hospital."

She nodded and silently left the bathroom.

Andrea headed to her bedroom and dressed quickly, running her brush through her hair and grabbing her purse. She met Amy by the door and drove her to the hospital where one of the nurses saw to her wrist while Andrea explained what happened to make it seem like Amy wasn't suicidal. She could see the doctor didn't really believe her, but he didn't press the issue.

"Hey." She smiled at her little sister, who was coming off a sedative. "How do you feel?"

"Weak," she managed to speak. "My tongue feels dry."

"I'll get you some water."

She nodded and closed her eyes, but before Andrea could move, the front door opened with three men. Andrea stared as one of the men came over to her and asked her to move away from the patient, and she narrowed her eyes, turning to the doctor who was standing in the doorway, arms folded over his chest. He gave a nod to the other man who gently lifted Amy up off the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Andrew growled, the man in front of her stopping her from lunging at the asshole doctor.

"I believe Ms. Horvath is at risk, and I want her to stay for two or three days, get evaluated. I don't want her to be at any risk."

"At any risk? It was an accident!" Andrea watched as the other man placed Amy down on a gurney outside the room where a nurse led her away. "You can't do this!"

"Actually, they can." Allen entered the room. "Hello, darling."

Andrea blinked and stopped struggling. "Dad, what the hell did you do?"

"Come with me. We'll get a breakfast and talk."

"I don't want breakfast; I want you to stop this bullshit!" She pushed the man out of her way. "Amy is not suicidal! It was a goddamn accident! You're going to make Paige worry unnecessarily, and—"

"Andrea, please, let's discuss this in private."

"In private?" She scoffed. "You care more about your damn reputation than your own daughter! And yes, I know I don't have to yell, but why the hell shouldn't I?!" She stormed out of the room, heading for the exit, but her father caught up to her and grabbed her forearm. "Let go of me." Her tone was sharp.

"Let me explain."

She held her tongue. "Fine. You have ten minutes."

"Let's get something to eat then." He guided her toward the exit.

Twenty minutes later, Andrea sat across from her father, nearly scoffing at the restaurant he chose. He always used to bring Amy and Andrea here on their birthday for a big breakfast before school. It was always fun, but now it was like a sick joke. He wasn't being a father right now. He was just being an asshole. If he was being a father, he wouldn't have had Amy admitted in the hospital for a "suicide attempt".

"Just coffee, thank you." Andrea handed the menu to the server and crossed her legs.

"I'll have egg whites with an English muffin and some fresh fruit," Allen said. "And decaf for me, thank you."

"Coming right up, sir."

Allen waited until she was gone before he met his daughter's eyes, fingers laced together in front of him on the table. "Look, I know you're irate with—"

"Irate? Irate? Oh no, I flew by irate when you walked into that room; I am pissed off." She glowered at him. "You're having her look at like she's some kind of depressed, suicidal head case. It was just an accident. She would never resort to suicide or self-harm. I know my sister, and she would never put Paige through that. Or me."

"Do you know her?" Allen challenged. "Has she been hundred percent honest with you since she come back into your life?"

"She has no reason to lie," was all she said.

"She's tried to kill herself before," he informed her. "She was going to let herself drown." Andrea clenched her jaw and said nothing. "She also tried to jump off the roof of their apartment building at some party. If it wasn't for someone named Oscar, she would've died. Paige would've been about three years old."

"How can I believe any of this?" Andrea barked. "You weren't there, so how do I know this isn't bullshit? It wouldn't be the first time you've lied to manipulate somebody."

"Andrea, please. I don't lie to my family, or to anybody." He searched her eyes. "Maura had a word with Merle. He was...a little besotted, however—"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." She glared. "You sent Mom to get Merle drunk and confess his darkest secrets to her? What the hell is wrong with you? For Gods sake, have you never heard of asking?! This is why Amy doesn't trust you, because you always go behind her back."

"I didn't have Maura drink with him," he defended. "She just told me when she came home."

She ran a hand through her hair and glanced at the server as she came back with their drinks. She offered a thank you smile then rested her hands in her lap when the server left. "Look, you don't have the full story, so stop. Just stop. I don't care what you have to say. I know Amy. I'm getting her out of there if I have to do it by force."

"Andrea, just let her spend the night. She hasn't been...right in quite some time, and you know it. Let her stay one night."

"Is this because of Merle?" Andrea challenged. "Is it?"

He exhaled deeply. "This isn't about Merle."

"Really? I have a hard time believing that, especially after how you treated him. He's not the bad guy; he's just a man who's made a lot of mistakes. I can forgive him, because Amy loves him and wants to try and have a life with him. Why can't you?"

"Because she deserves better." His voice was tight, his eyes cold. "So does Paige."

She shook her head and rose. "If you do anything more to hurt Amy or Paige, you will lose all of us." She walked out of the restaurant and drove back to the hospital. She demanded to see Amy, and as no one wanted to fight with her, they complied.

Peering in through the window, Andrea spotted her sister. Amy was curled up on a bed, her cut wrist was covered as well as her fingertips, and she appeared to be sleeping. She was so small on the bed, the hospital gown only emphasizing how small she was, how pale she was, and Andrea felt like shit for letting this happen. God, their father was an asshole.

She entered the room and closed the door behind her, making her way over to the bed slowly, not wanting to wake Amy. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be in the room when Amy woke up. She didn't want to explain their father's actions to her, but she wanted to be right there for her little sister. She didn't care what their dad had to say about Amy, whether or not it was true. He didn't have the entire story, and he didn't even have the guts to ask Amy herself. God, he's such a fucking asshole.

"Hmm."

"Amy?" She set her hand over Amy's. "Shh, it's all right."

"No..." She was talking in her sleep. "Please...no. I didn't want to... I didn't..."

Andrea crouched down and set a hand on Amy's hair, moving it away from her face. "I know you didn't want to. Shh, it's all right. Shh." She gently brushed her thumb back and forth across Amy's temple to ease her, to lull her into a quieter sleep. "Shh." She looked over Amy's face. Killing Gareth was killing her, even if it was him or them.

––

"Hey, good morning." Andrea sat down beside Amy, who had just woken up. "I brought breakfast. It's your favorite. Eggs, bacon, cheese on a biscuit." She held the wrapped item out. "It's fresh."

She didn't say anything or look at her.

"Am?" She leaned over and saw her eyes were empty. She then spotted the needle mark on her inner elbow. "What the hell?" She reached over and touched the mark. She set the biscuit down and stormed out of the room to find the doctor. "Hey!" She grabbed his arm. "What the hell did you do to my sister?"

"She threw a fit," he replied. "I didn't want her to be a danger to herself or anyone else, so we sedated her."

"You do no—"

"I'm looking out for her," he interrupted her. "She's very unstable. You've been living with her, and you haven't seen it, have you?" He leaned closer. "Why don't you go back to your rich little world and let me take care of her since you never did."

Fire rose up in her stomach, but she swallowed it. "Yes, doctor." She turned on her heel and returned to Amy's room, closing the door. "Okay, Am, are you here?" She set her hands on Amy's cheeks. "Sis?"

Her eyes drifted up slowly to Andrea's, but she said nothing.

"Okay. I'm here." She removed her hoodie and dressed Amy in it. She was like a doll, not able to even help dress herself, as she was so sedated. This was bullshit, and Andrea was done. Their father was a prick for letting them do this. Amy deserved better. Andrea could forgive him for many things, but not this. He would have to do a hell of a lot before she even considered forgiving him. "Let's stand up."

The door opened, Andrea stood in front of her little sister protectively, but it was only Merle. He was in a blue shirt with jeans, not a hospital gown like he was the last time she saw him. He was probably just released and informed of Amy's accident that had been blown up into a suicide attempt. Paige was mostly likely the one who told him she was injured, and maybe Carol or Felix told him the rest. She couldn't be sure.

"What the fuck is goin' on?" he demanded.

Andrea crossed her arms. "Help me get her the hell out of here, and I'll tell you."

He looked at Amy and a muscle in his jaw jumped. He walked over to her and picked her up, her arms were limp, so he moved one around his neck and the other rested across her stomach, and he made sure the gown covered her behind. She'd lost some weight, and it made him want to kick someone's ass. The woman was small enough already. For fuck's sake, who thought this was a good idea?

They just walked out, the nurses didn't want to bother with Merle Dixon, and Andrea gave Amy's "doctor" a smirked before they exited the building. Andrea gave Amy her gym clothes—a pair of yoga pants and tennis shoes—once the sedative began to wear off, and Merle trashed the hospital gown while Andrea let Amy drink some water.

"Stop, stop." Amy was trying to smack away the water bottle, but she kept missing. "I'm fine...aren't I?"

"You're not fine." Andrea closed the water bottle. "It's Gareth."

Amy swallowed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You need to."

"I just want to lie down." Amy pinched the bridge of her nose. "I just want to go home. Please, I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't know 'bout y'all," Merle stated, "but I'm damn hungry."

"Me too." Andrea stood up. "We'll stop by the diner, have a little lunch, and we'll head home."

They got into the car, Amy stared out the window from the backseat, Merle looked back at Amy from time to time, as did Andrea, who was driving. It was completely silent and the tension was suffocating them, and it only got worse when Merle turned on the radio. They were all relieved when Andrea pulled in to the diner's parking lot, and both Andrea and Merle got out, but Amy stayed put.

"C'mon, Am." Andrea set her sunglasses on the dashboard.

"I—I'm not hungry." She crossed her arms over her stomach. "I'll just—wait out here."

"In this weather?" She scoffed. "No, Amy, come on. You need to eat."

"I am not hungry." She didn't look at Andrea, just studied the back of the seat in front of her.

Merle opened the door to the backseat and picked Amy up, she gasped and tried to get free, but he held her in his arms. He closed the door with his hip. "Let's go."

"Put me down!" She pushed on his chest. "Merle!"

"Amy."

People in the parking lot were staring to gawk at them, Amy stopped struggling. And as if sensing her defeat, Merle set her down, and she just folded her arms over her chest, leaning against the car. He nodded at Andrea to head on inside, and he waited.

"What?" She didn't look at him.

"Are you gonna look at me?"

She sighed and lifted her head to his. "I don't want to talk about it, just...leave me alone."

"That ain't gonna work." He turned and leaned against the car with her. "You can't just tell me to leave and I'll leave."

It was hard to breathe; her lungs felt like they were burning, as if they were shrinking. The more she thought about how much she didn't want to talk about what happened with Gareth, the more intense that feeling became. She couldn't help the tears that rose up in her eyes and down her cheeks, her shoulders shook, and she wanted to turn away, wanted to hide, but Merle wouldn't let her. "I don't—I can't," was all she could say, the air stuck in her throat.

He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her flush against him. "It's gonna be all right, just try to breathe."

She sobbed louder, not caring if she drew the attention of the people around them, because for the first time since Gareth's death, she was able to feel everything and get it out of her system. Maybe that would be enough. She doubted it.

– – –

She woke up to her alarm clock, but she could feel the smile on her lips. She turned it off, having to lean over Merle, and she accidentally woke him. He normally slept through the alarm. He'd been staying with them since he'd been released from the hospital last week, and Paige loved it, but Amy could see the joy of being wrong about her dad in her eyes whenever Merle woke her up, and it told Amy that Paige was expecting him to not wake her up one day. She wasn't sure how to remedy that, but time would. Merle would.

"Good morning." She smiled at him.

"How'd you sleep?" He always asked when she didn't wake him up by talking.

"I slept well." She adjusted the strap to her nightgown. "Thanks for asking."

"What's the alarm for?"

"In a about two weeks, Paige will be going into first grade, so paperwork must be filled out." She sat up. "Carol and I are taking the girls to the same school, so we agreed to go together. I need to adjust to waking up early."

"First grade. Damn." He ran a hand down his face.

"Do you feel old yet?" She giggled then climbed out of bed. "Okay, I need a shower. God, I'm so exhausted." She opened the drawer, her back to him. "Do not smirk."

He chuckled.

"Go wake up our daughter and make her something to eat." She stepped toward the bathroom. "Something healthy preferably."

"Mmm-hmm. Am?"

"Yeah?" She stopped in the doorway to the bathroom.

"Do you have to see Doc today?"

She smirked. "Her name is Eleanor, and she's more than just a therapist to me. She's a friend." She set her clothes on the counter.

"Well, excuse me, I don't see you invitin' her over for dinner and dessert."

She rolled her eyes, but smirked. "Our next appointment is on Friday at four. Why do you ask?"

"Just wonderin'."

"Well, all right." She closed the door and turned the shower on.

Merle picked up his phone and checked his messages, finding the one message he'd been waiting to get. He glanced over at the bathroom door, pursuing his lips, and he shook his head. In the end, this would have to happen. It was now or never, and he wasn't going to do what his old man did. He just wasn't.

– – –

"You know how this works." Eleanor crossed her legs. "How's the medication working?"

"Great. I've been sleeping really well." Amy was trying not to smile, but she was failing.

"How is Merle?" Eleanor asked, noting the smile.

"Uh, he's...around." She laughed a little then shook her head. "He's been really great. He still has healing to do, but he is healing. Paige really likes having him around, but...I can feel that she's still holding back. I guess I'm not helping much." She dropped her eyes to her nails.

"You're not a bad parent, Amy."

"Not as bad as my father, but still pretty crappy." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I feel like I'm just—I don't know. I'm just screwing up so badly lately."

"Why do you say that?"

"For one," she held up a finger, "I almost gave her kiwi, which she is allergic to—it makes her tongue swell up—and for two, I nearly left her at home alone. I was ten minutes down the road when I looked back and saw she wasn't in the back seat. Who the hell forgets their own child? Granted she was hiding from me, but I still should have noticed."

"That doesn't make you a bad mother. Perhaps a little forgetful sure, but not a bad mother."

Amy lifted her eyes to Eleanor's. "I let her watch me murder a man."

"Amy, honey, we've been over this. You—"

"No, Eleanor, listen. It wasn't that I killed him—well, it's not just that I killed him. It's partly that, but mostly...it's that I made him that way. I'm the reason he went completely nuts and his life become this...distorted...image of what is right and what is wrong. I let that happen, and that's what I can't..." Her voice broke. "And when I try..." She should never have met him. She ruined his life then she took it.

She handed Amy a tissue, and Amy thanked her as she accepted it. "Just breathe, honey. Listen to me, okay?"

––

Once her session was over and Amy was feeling a little less crappy, Eleanor decided to give Merle a call.

––

"Sorry, I'm late." Carol dropped her purse onto the couch as she entered Shawn and Sasha's house, hearing the twins before seeing them. "I had a doctor's appointment, and then I had to—You probably don't care."

"Thank God you're here. I love you, but I really don't care." Sasha stepped out of the nursery, cradling Devon to her chest. "If I had another set of arms, I wouldn't need help. I don't, and your soon-to-be-dead jerk of a brother had "work"."

"Well, I am here. What do you need help with?"

"Everything, mostly for Lydia."

"Then I'll get Lydia."

"Thank you, Carol."

"This is what sisters are for. Besides, if I don't get away from my own child and Daryl who insist on babying me, I'll eat the other two boxes of mint cookies while pretending to shower in the bathroom."

"What?" She laughed.

"Don't ask, just know if this keeps up, I'll be in stretchy pants until my kid's born and maybe after." She found her niece in a—shocking—N7 jumper, crying her eyes out. "Shawn can stay to change her clothes, but not stay to take care of her?"

"That's my husband. I'm a lucky, lucky lady who really needs a drink."

"Like Lemon Soother?" Carol gently scooped up her niece.

"It's been so long I don't even remember what I like to drink anymore. The crying has scrambled my brain."

"Well, neither of us can drink, so I'll make some iced tea."

"Gee, why didn't you come over sooner?"

"I can play Shawn again."

"Normally I would apologize, but I haven't had enough sleep to be nice, so meet the witch with the capital B in me."

She laughed. "All right then. I'll stay for this little cutie pie."

– – –

Amy walked into the house to find Paige and Merle in the kitchen, chopping something to have with dinner. She removed her jacket while Merle set Paige down on the floor, tossing her purse onto the couch, and so when Amy turned, Paige hugged her tightly. She let out a small laughing sound and moved hair from her face to behind her ear.

"Welcome home, Mom."

"Well, it's nice to be home." Amy picked her up and hugged her tighter. "What's the hug for?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"No, I guess not." She smiled. "What have you two been up to?"

"We are making tacos."

"Oh." She really wasn't a fan of tacos, but she didn't let that show. "It smells great in here." She looked over her daughter. "Those are cute." She touched the earrings that were dangling from her daughter's ears then noticed what they were. They weren't just little bumpy rocks. No, they were grenades. She had little grenades dangling from her ears. She would have wondered where the hell Merle had found them, but she could see they were handmade and painted. Merle had made them for her. She knew he made stuff like that from time to time, but usually he burned them or threw them away. She'd forgotten he made things out of wood. He took time to make these for his daughter. That's the sweetest thing he's ever done.

"Do you like them?" Paige tilted her head.

"I do. I just think they're a little inappropriate for a five-year-old."

"When have I ever been appropriate?" Merle retorted. "Dinner's just 'bout ready."

"Okay, true." She set Paige down. "I'm going to wash up."

Paige watched her mom disappear then climbed onto the couch and opened her mom's purse while her dad set the table. She found her mom's wallet, a few pens, an i-Pod and a pack of gum. She also found a small bottle of pills and frowned. "What are these?"

Merle glanced over and then walked over to her. "What are you doin'?"

"You were gonna do it," she shot back. "I just beat you to it."

Damn, she was his kid. "Gimme that." He took the bottle gently and discovered it was a prescription by a different doctor than Eleanor. He frowned and saw she'd been taking these for a while. When the hell did she start taking pills? He knew she had some to help her sleep, but this was for an entirely different purpose. How bad did this effect her? Why wasn't she talking to him?

"Oh, oh!" Paige shot up and grabbed the pills, tossing them into her mom's purse and zipping it as Amy walked back into the room. "Hungry?"

"Starving." She looked at the table. "Umm, those aren't tacos."

"The tacos are for me," Paige told her. "I don't like fish."

"You used to like fish," Amy reminded her.

"Not since Grandma and Grandpa got the Koi," she informed her mom. "I don't eat fish anymore."

"Well, thank you for making her tacos instead." She smiled at him. "Go wash up, baby." Paige left the room, and Amy crossed her arms, taking a step closer to Merle. "Don't you hate fish?"

"When did I ever say I hated fish?"

"When I made it."

He smirked. "That's why."

"Oh, you asshole!" She lightly smacked him with her hand. "I can cook just fine!" He arched a brow, but said nothing. His expression said it all. "Fine, I can cook well enough to keep us alive. At least it isn't raw, and at least we don't have—"

He shut her up by placing a short, but sweet kiss to her lips, surprising her. "Just shut up and get some damn forks."

She pursed her lips then met his eyes. "Look, I really need to tal—"

"Mom!" Paige screamed.

"Paige!" Amy's heart stopped, and they both bolted into her bedroom as Paige scrambled out of the bathroom on the floor. Amy dropped to her knees beside her, her arms wrapped tightly around her daughter, and Merle looked into the bathroom, not seeing what made the girl scream like someone was fucking killing her. He turned to Amy and gave a head shake, and Amy exhaled softly, moving hair from Paige's eyes.

"What the hell was the scream for?" Merle asked.

"There's a giant spider!" She was pale, her eyes wide. "It's huge! I could see—and probably count—the hairs on its legs!"

"Oh, c'mon." Merle laughed. "It's a bug."

"Technically, it's an arthropod," Amy corrected, "and she's terrified of spiders."

"Kill it!" Paige demanded, wriggling back into her mom. "Kill it, please!"

"All right, all right. Calm down. Jesus." He scanned the bathroom. "Where is it?"

"I am not going in here!" Her eyes grew even wider. "It's by the toilet."

"Where—? Oh. Shit." He bent down. "Huh, yeah, it's a wolf spider."

"I don't care what it is; I just want it dead!" She cringed. "Please, please, just get rid of it, Dad. Get rid of it!"

"I'm not gonna kill it just 'cause you're scared of the damn thing."

"Mom?"

"Who do you think you got this fear from exactly?" She let out a half-scoff, half-laugh. "I'll get a cup and something you can use to cover it with." She stood up and went to the kitchen, grabbing a cup and a piece of mail. She returned to her daughter's room; Paige was on her bed as fair away as possible, but still close, because she curious to see how they were going to do this, and Merle waved her over. "Here."

He took them and moved for the spider, it immediately jumped like it was fucking Superman and flew about ten feet up the wall, and Amy then threw her hands up and walked quickly out of the bathroom. He went after it again, Amy turned away and joined her daughter on the bed. About two minutes later, they heard Merle ask as he caught the squirmy little thing, "Question: How the hell did y'all get rid of spiders before?"

"Well, first, there's a warning scream then staring and cringing and wondering why God let those nasty things around us, and finally we poke at it with the broom until it's either killed or jumps," Amy explained.

"Then we get Joe."

"The super," Amy clarified who Joe was.

Paige stepped off the bed. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, you can see it." He bent down to show her.

"Eww! I can see its eyes!" She stepped back. "Mom, can I stay in your room tonight?"

"Paige, it's gone." Amy checked out the bathroom while Merle took the cup and spider outside to set it free. "No more spiders, now let's go eat before it gets any colder."

"Can you check again before I go to bed?"

"I will check every corner." She set her hand on Paige's head and gently guided her toward the kitchen. "And if we find more, you can cuddle with Andrea. She's been killing spiders for me since I could run and point."

"Fine." She climbed into a chair and pressed her lips together in thought as Amy poured drinks and Merle entered the house, setting the glass and mail down on the counter. "I have a question."

"Yes?" She set a glass of soda down then her water, and she let Merle grab his off the counter, taking a seat.

"Why do you always lock your door?" She met her mom's eyes.

"Uhhh, what—what do you mean?" Amy tucked hair behind her ear, trying to hide the blush rising in her cheeks, cutting frantic looks at Merle, who was smirking and silently laughing behind his glass. She glared at him to not say anything inappropriate—or anything at all. She did not need Paige to know why that door was locked. She was too young, and Amy wasn't even close to being ready to even think about having the talk with Paige. She knew she wouldn't be when Paige was old enough. If she was ready to talk, Paige was old enough to do, and there was no way Amy would allow that. God, she pitied the man that wanted to marry her daughter.

"Well, I tried to get in last night, but it was locked. Aunt Andrea said to ask you then she ran out of the room." Paige ate a bit of beans off her plate. "I never lock my door."

"Locked? No, it was probably just jammed, honey." She crossed her legs. "Gosh, Andrea and I have been trying to get that darn doorknob fixed for weeks, but she's so busy, and T can't come out 'cause of the twins and Daryl can't because of Carol and work and such. I'll—I'll have to try and fix it myself."

"Oh." She paused. "Does my door do that?"

"No. No, your door's good." She stuffed a big piece of fish into her mouth to avoid talking.

Merle lost it and busted out laughing, Paige frowned, and Amy began to glare at him, coughing when she started choking. She should have eaten a small piece. She grabbed her water and drank it. Upside: the fish was really good.

– – –

"I am home." Shawn smiled happily as he entered the house, holding a bag with his camera bag over his shoulder. He took in the dead expression on his wife's face and how Carol was glaring at him while changing Lydia. "I'm sorry I took so long." He bent down in front of Sasha and Devon. "I have something for you and for Devon and Lydia."

"I thought they were Thing One and Thing Two," Carol teased.

"What she said," was all Sasha said.

"C'mere, Carol, bring Thing Two." He set his camera bag on the table then reached into the other bag and pulled out a blanket. "I know it's kinda stupid, but this is what happens when you're stuck with a ten-year-old who won't stop replaying Stepmom." He unfolded the blanket and revealed images of the twins at the hospital and of the sonograms and of Sasha when she was pregnant. It even had their weight, date and time of birth and full name sewn in.

"Oh, my God." Carol looked over the pictures, all of them in black and white. "Shawn, I can forgive you for being an idiot and abandoning Sasha now. This is so beautiful."

"Thanks." He looked over Sasha's face, nervous as her expression hadn't changed. "Do you like it?"

"Carol, could you do me a favor?" Sasha adjusted the sleeping baby in her arms.

"What?"

"Put the twins down for the night, please."

"Uh, sure, just give me a second." She took Lydia first then a few moments later came back for Devon and closed the door behind her.

"Sasha?" He frowned.

"Porch. Back yard. Now." She stood up and held a finger up as a way to hush him. She exited the house and waited outside while he folded the blanket and set it back in the bag. She crossed her arms and exhaled softly.

"Carol," Shawn whispered by the door, "if you don't hear me return, call the police."

She opened the door. "After the day we had, I'm helping Sasha hide the body. Although the blanket is really cute."

"I was hoping she'd like them, but I guess not. I probably shouldn't keep her waiting. She has a bad temper, so know that I love you and Sophia and my nephew/niece fetus and my will is under the bed in my SpongeBob lunchbox from second grade." He gave her a nod and walked out the back door, apology ready. "Okay, I know that—"

"Don't."

He lifted his eyes. "You're not even going to let me speak?"

"No."

Damn, how bad was today? "Sasha—"

"I said don't." She closed the space between them, searching his eyes as his frown grew, and she tilted her head, her eyes unreadable. "Close your eyes and clench your teeth."

He eyed her for a moment then closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, preparing himself. The last time anyone hit him, he folded like a box. He wasn't good at taking hits or really giving them, but if she was this mad, he probably deserved it. He could take this hit. He would remember how his face looked before the bruises. He hoped she gave him some sort of warning.

Sasha lifted her hand to her mouth, soundlessly laughing at the stress that was pouring off him. She had to step back before she broke out laughing hysterically. She took soft breaths, her body shaking with unheard laughter, and she inhaled deeply then straightened up. This man was so gullible. It was probably why she loved him so much. She closed the space between them and leaned up, placing a kiss to his lips, and to her surprise, he quickly responded, wrapping his arms around her. He even lifted her up, and she gripped his shoulders, her legs locking around his thighs.

He pulled back and grinned. "Next time, don't laugh so much."

"If this happens again, I will hit you next time." She smiled. "The blanket is precious."

"You haven't seen Devon's yet."

"They're different?"

"A little." He nodded. "And about Devon? Is it too late to change his name? He doesn't look like a Devon is all!"

"Then call him Elijah and put me down."

"Elijah. Eli. Jah. Jay."

"Shawn, put me down."

"Maybe Devy." He was smiling as he met her eyes. "You married me."

"My mistake. Clearly, my hormones were clouding my—"

"That's not funny, nor has it ever been funny."

She slid her arms around his neck. "I am not going to say it again, nor am I going to say what you what me to say, so if you would."

He set her down. "How bad was today?"

"Oh, not so bad at all. It was easy." She headed inside. "By the way, I have to meet Mom for lunch and Mich needs me to help her with something tomorrow as well, so you have to watch the twins."

"By myself?"

She smirked. "Good luck, sucker."

––

"Mom!" Paige called. "Breakfast!"

Amy inhaled sharply, groaning and pushing hair out of her face. She could smell the pancakes and bacon, and she knew just by the scent Andrea had made them. Faintly, she caught a whiff of that weird, diet shit Andrea always drank. Merle almost always made breakfast, so for him to not to... She sighed softly, not wanting to open her eyes. She could feel no body heat from beside her, and she knew he wasn't there. He wouldn't be back either.

Pushing herself up, she opened her eyes and saw the empty place beside her, bringing her legs in and tucking the blanket around her. She rubbed her eyes and saw a bottle of whiskey on the nightstand. She slid over and found a note taped to it. She ran a hand through her hair and gently pulled it off, seeing Rain check? written on the bottle in marker. Her lips pulled, but she didn't smile. She unfolded the note and blinked as a bunch of caps to beer bottles landed in her lap. "What the hell?"

She collected them and swung out of bed, slipping into her robe. She tossed the bottle caps into the trash and shook her head, but her chest felt tight. She kicked her dresser as hard as she could, not caring about the pain that shot up her leg, and tears burned in her eyes. "You son of a bitch." She was mad first. Pissed off. Anger burned through her, overpowering any other emotion she might have had, and she just wanted to find that jackass and punch his lights out. She knew he was acting strange. She knew it the minute she came home. She didn't say anything, because she thought he would bring it up, but he didn't. He didn't say anything. How could he just leave? He had promises, and he just...left. He just ran away? What the fuck? What the fuck!

She was heartbroken for her daughter. Paige was starting to open up and tell him more things about her. He was even making her laugh, and she was starting to call him dad, and he does this? Why would he do this? It didn't make any sense. He was happy, happier than she'd ever seen him, and he was there, fully and sober. What the hell was he thinking? How could he do this to her? She was already scared of him running out on them, and now her fear was being realized. God, no. Please be a bad dream. Everything was finally all right, and nobody was mad or being stupid or unnecessarily hateful. They were finally having their strange kind of normal. God, this wasn't happening. Paige needed him, loved him, and she...would be devastated. Amy had no words to console her either, because...she was the same. She loved him. She needed him.

Paige walked when her mom didn't join them for breakfast and let out a small sigh at the sight of her mom. She didn't say anything, just walked over to her mom and hugged her. Amy shifted and held Paige in her arms.

A beat.

"He's gone?"

"Yeah."

"It'll be okay." She met her mom's eyes. "I'm here."

Amy smiled. "Yes, you are." She cupped her daughter's cheeks. "You're here."

She smiled and hugged her. "Let's get breakfast. Aunt Andrea made chocolate chip waffles!"

"That sounds perfect. Just give me a second, okay?"

She nodded and left.

Wiping at her face, Amy stood up and decided to talk to Andrea after breakfast. Paige was going back-to-school shopping with Carol and Sophia, and Andrea had plans for the gym, so Amy could go with her and talk. She could take her anger out at the gym. It was better than crying like a baby. It wasn't even herself she was sad over; it was Paige. How dare he do this to her!

She stood up and cried out, stepping on a bottle cap that had fallen out of her hands. "Son of a—!" She groaned and pulled it off her foot, about to chuck it across the room when she noticed writing. She saw a number on it, and she turned on her heel to the bathroom, digging out the others. She set them on the counter and looked over the letters that were meant to spell something out. It was like a puzzle. She loved puzzles. She knew Merle, so it was probably simple, and as she looked over the caps, she realized what it said. Well, what those few words meant, and she sighed. "You son of a bitch," but it was sad, heartbroken sound.

– –

Amy snuggled closer to him, her face buried in her favorite, puffy pillow, and she was sleeping peacefully. The door had not been locked that night, and as the night went on, Merle eventually just opened his eyes and stopped pretending to be asleep. He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. He knew he wasn't. He was just so wired, and not in a good way. He'd never done anything like this before. Shit, last time, Amy was the one to walk out. She had every reason to. He was the one walking out now, and in some ways, he had every reason not to, but there was just that one reason—that massive one reason—that made him have to leave.

He freed himself from her gently and climbed off the bed. He grabbed his jeans from the floor and his button-down. He looked over at her then walked around to her side of the bed, and he bent down in front of her, grasping one of her hands that was clutching a pillow. He tenderly brushed his thumb across her knuckles to wake her a little.

"Mmm." She inhaled and her eyes opened slightly.

"Hey." He smiled for her.

"Hi." She closed her eyes again, returning his smile with a sleepy one. "Something wrong?"

"Nah, just got a favor."

"Mmm?"

"Open your eyes."

She managed to open her eyes a little, though he was blurry. "Open."

He chuckled and tightened his grip on her hand. "Am?"

"Mmm?"

He opened his mouth then stopped. He leaned over and kissed her. "Good night, Am."

"Good night, Merle." She smiled and her eyes shut.

He leaned over and kissed her temple then released her hand and stood up. He silently did one more thing, but he didn't linger. He exited the room and paused just outside Paige's. He peered inside, finding the young girl half off the bed with her stuffed animal on the floor, her fingers still clutching it loosely. He smiled to himself and entered, picking up the toy and tossing it onto the bed then he started rolling Paige onto her back, but stopped.

He picked her up off the bed and embraced her, her little arms automatically curled around his neck like he was her stuffed animal, and his chest tightened. That was the second time he'd felt like this, but he had made a decision for the better this time, for her this time. It wasn't just about him anymore. It couldn't be. He had too many people in his life, people who surprisingly needed him, and he was done abandoning them. He had to do this.

He ran his hand over her messy curls and back, not holding her too tight as he didn't want to wake her, and he closed his eyes to remember this, to remembered her. He didn't know what would happen in the days to come, and he wanted to remember her. She was so small, her hair smelled of fruit, and her little hands were tight on his neck. He inhaled deeply and placed a kiss to her forehead then lightly placed her properly on the bed, having to remove her hands one at a time as she wouldn't let go, and he gave her the stuffed animal to cuddle with. He moved hair out of her face and swallowed hard before removing his hand. No, he didn't deserve it.

He walked out of the house without looking back. He didn't deserve to it. Not yet. Maybe not ever, but he was going to prove he could deserve it. Well, he was going to try.

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Unworthy Dad the bottle caps read.

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Happy Holidays!