"When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave."

-Unknown

Sam was pacing back and forth in front of Jared, Paul, Bella and Kim. The four were seated on his sofa, the remainder of the pack in other chairs and sprawled on the floor.

Sam stopped and turned to them, "So you four have decided that you're just going to be some fucked up Brady bunch together?"

Jared just shrugged, Paul smirked, "You jelly alpha man?"

Sam squinted his eyes in question, "Jelly?"

Seth raised his hand, "Being jealous, or hating, example "The girls are jelly, the jealous of me'."

Embry's thumbs were moving a mile a minute before Jake, Quil and Seth's phones vibrated. Jake snorted, Quil giggled, and Seth grinned as the three began texting.

Sam shook his head and looked Bella in the eyes, "And what is Charlie going to say when he finds out you've shacked up with two guys and another chick?"

Paul growled and Bella pulled him back to the couch.

"Fuck you Sam, I doubt he'd say much more than what he is going to say when someone tells him about the two hour long video of you fucking me!"

Sam suddenly found the floor very interesting, "I'm sorry, it just hard to wrap my head around is all."

Embry busted out laughing, stopping once Sam swiped the phone from his hand.

"What the hell is this shit?" Sam past the phone to Paul.

Embry: PMSL alp is OAF

Paul snorted, "Embry was laughing about you being old as fuck."

Quil: YASSSS but his BD and Bella's muffin got em' doing the Jedi Mind Click lmao

"Quil said you were, but your big dick and Bella's pussy are making people buy videos like crazy."

Seth: Dat ass tho, I about creamed before she took a ride on my steamin' semen highway XD

Paul glared at Seth, "Seth likes her ass, nearly came before their scene."

Jake: When she gets ahold of my meat thermometer she gonna forget about P & J and bring that box home to Daddy 8===D ({})

Paul showed Jared and they both tackled Jake. Bella picked up the phone, "Jake thinks that I'm gonna come crawling to him if we have sex, and forget everyone else."

Embry: wtf ever P is like the fkin 3 legged man. Not to mention J, dude has skillz.

Paul, Jared and Jake were rolling around on the floor as Kim took the phone, "Embry said Jake was wrong, Paul's dick was like an extra leg, and Jared has crazy skills."

Bella smirked and threw the phone back to Embry.

Shaking his head and throwing his arms in the air, Sam ordered, "Jake, go run a patrol or something before Paul and Jared kill you. Why can't you people use full words? Is it so hard to type out later, or okay? And Jake if you have time to come up with symbols for fucking, then you need a damn hobby."

Jake untangled himself as started stripping when he reach the back door, shifting in the yard for his patrol.

After a few minutes the men and Leah's heads snapped to the back door as Jake's loud howl pierced the air.

Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil and Seth went running out the back as Sam alpha ordered, "Leah stay with the girls."

Leah huffed as Sam followed the others out the door.

Ten minutes later Leah, Bella, Kim, and Emily were walking through the forest.

Emily whispered, "How did you break the order Lee?"

They entered a clearing and heard Sam's voice, "She didn't. She decided to use my words against me."

Leah grinned at the girls, "He told me to stay with you, not where we had to stay."

Bella looked up to see Jasper Hale across the clearing. He smiled, threw his hand up in greeting, then tipped his cowboy hat, "Ma'am's."

Leah gave him the stank eye, "Cut the shit, why are you here mosquito?"

Sam gave her a 'what the fuck' look for taking over. Leah waved him off, and looked back over to Jasper.

He pulled his hat off and ran his hand through his hair, "Well, I was looking through some stuff the other day on the Internet and imagine my shock when I see little Bella Swan taking Sam's dick like a champ."

Quil raised his hand, "Thanks for the money, more videos soon." And began to walk off.

"Not why I came here dumbass. I have something that you all might find interesting."

Jasper swung a bag on his finger.

Paul snatched the bag and opened it pulling a VHS tape out, "Night Push? What another porn, there's lots cowboy."

Jasper snorted, "Y'all need to watch it. How the fuck do y'all deal with this shit?!" He pointed to Kim and Bella, as they were oblivious and playing tonsil hockey.

Seth looked at him with a serious face, "It's hard. IT'S hard all the time." And pointed to his tented shorts.

Jasper laughed and adjusted himself. He looked at Quil, "So how much money are you making off the videos?"

"Not sure, in the thousands."

"I could help you know?"

Jared looked at him, "And why would we need your help?"

He shrugged, "I've been through business school half a dozen times, I could help." Jasper slid his aviators over his eyes. "Tell you what, I'll stay at the house for a week. If y'all decide to come play with the big boys, let me know."

Jasper turned to walk away.

Jake yelled, "WAIT! Bells, where's your phone?"

Jasper raised his eyebrow at him, as Jake handed him the phone with the video of Jake's ass playing.

"Can you send this to fuckward?"

Jasper snickered and nodded. Sending the video to his own phone and on to Edward, before leaving.

Sam looked over at Seth, "Do you know anyone that has a player for one of those tapes?"

Seth shook his head, " The school maybe?"

"Go look."

The group was gathered in Leah's living room when Embry finished hooking the old VHS player to the TV and popped the video in.

After two minutes of cheesy porn music a close up of a woman's pussy showed up on the screen.

Sam smirked, "I'd like to fill that up."

Paul busted out laughing, "You already did, when she was pushing you out!"

Sam looked back at the screen to see his mom's face, his face went pale and he started gagging.

Jake was laughing so hard he was crying, "And you may have gave the D to Bella, but I'd recognize that upper lip anywhere, Charlie Swan is pound the shit out of your moms."

Bella saw Charlie's face cross the screen and fainted into Jared's arms.

A/N: Hope y'all liked it! Sorry i haven't replied to all of your reviews! I start up, then get busy with something else, lose my spot with who I have/haven't replied, and give up lol. Thanks for all the feedback though :)