I DON'T OWN SOUTH PARK OR THE CHARACTers

also i hav ea habit of making characters act like not themselves so yeah sorry

i apologize that i haven't updated this in a while but uh yeah. i don't have any excuses i'm just a very lazy individual who doesn't have much motivation. thank you for the nice reviews and please leave more! (also this is not the end) (that sounded vaguely threatening i'm sorry)

Sunday

The next day, I woke up to silence.

I stumbled off my bed through my room to the hallway, and looked around.

"M-mom?"

Nothing.

They must have left early.

I rubbed my sleepy eyes, and walked towards the kitchen in my empty house. I like being alone sometimes but normally I end up frightening myself into hiding until someone else appears, which might seem kind of strange but honestly..it is. And by hiding, I mean sitting in my room doing anything except thinking of how very, very alone I am. I think it's kind of an issue sometimes but normally it isn't because I would probably do that even if I wasn't alone. Or frightened. I set up the coffee pot and lay across the couch, thinking of everything and anything I possibly can.

Mostly the past few days.

Which have been pleasant.

And that's a very nice change from usual, because normally every day is a frustrating series of sudden moments where I realize I exist and that one day I, and everyone I know, will die. Which really isn't pleasant.

I hear the coffee machine beep, so I roll off the couch and fill my thermos with some. And then I sulk back to my bed where I cover myself in as many blankets and pillows as possible, and think about everything and anything I possibly can. Again.

And I realize that today is probably going to be terrible. Does this always happen on Sunday?

I realize that if I don't hang out with anyone now, I'll probably end up sleeping the entire day away for no other reason than 'I really hate being alive' and I would prefer not to go back to being that person. So I pull out my phone and look to see if I find anyone who won't give me a headache.

Bebe would be my first choice, probably. She actually likes hanging out with me and she'll listen to my stupid jokes while she makes me look not-dead. Which is honestly great. But she told me earlier this week that she was going to 'DO SOMETHING FUN THIS WEEKEND!' and I don't want to bother her. Butters said he was also doing something fun. Or interesting. I don't know. Basically everyone is having fun, while I'm having a 'pity-party' (Why do they even say that? It's ridiculous! Why would you have a party if you don't feel good?) because I don't have anything fun to do. I mean I could do what I normally do, painting or writing or taking photos but.. I don't know.

Everything is getting old. You can sleep, but other than that you're always doing something; thinking, listening, talking. Even sleeping you still exist. It just seems tiring. I want to do something while I can because I feel like I should but honestly, I just want to sleep forever. I don't want to die but I don't particularly enjoy being alive either, it's this constant game of trying to not die and do everything properly, but what for? You'll die eventually.

I can't stand these thoughts. I really need to call someone. I'll just TRY Bebe, and hope she isn't busy.

rrrring

rrrring

"Heeeellloooo?" I heard a happy voice on the other end, which was obviously Bebe's.

"Hey, Bebe." I said.

"Oh Tweek, how are you?" She said, keeping her happy tone.

"Oh..I'm o-okay. How has your weekend been?" I asked.

"Oh it's-ohdon'tdothat-It's been fun. I'm still kinda doing things, did you need something?" She asked.

"I actually don't, just wanted to chat." I lied. I am currently dying. Kind of.

"Oh okay, well I need to go becaus-HEEEEY-because..stuff. Love you!" She said, clearly very busy.

"Sure, bye Bebe." I said and clicked off the phone. And then sunk deeper into my fort of blankets and pillows. Maybe if I was like 5, and not terrified of how close 'the future' is, I could actually take a nap. Or do anything without thinking of how it's going to contribute to the future. I don't know how to do anything without somehow worrying about something else, and it's getting incredibly tiring. I grab a pillow and put it against my face, and I fall asleep..

~ 7 PM ~

I groggily lifted myself off the bed and heard a beeping noise from somewhere under the pile of blankets and pillows. Sighing, I wearily flung the blankets and pillows across my bed until I found my phone.

hey guess where i am - Craig

Where are you? - Tweek

guess - Craig

The playground - Tweek

yep you got it - Craig

Oh cool - Tweek

are you gonna join me or - Craig

Yeah okay - Tweek

Well..guess I'll go then.

..

I slipped on a jacket and sneakers, stared at myself in the mirror for a minute and studied my appearance.

I have longish blonde hair. The kind of blonde that people constantly ask you 'oh, do you bleach?' and you reply 'no, thanks though' and it's kind of funny. It's kind of curly, and it's a little bit above my shouder. Sometimes I do that thing where you...wrap it on top of your head, a bun. I do that when it looks particularly terrible which is often. I also have very green eyes. I realized how much I liked green eyes when I was around 6 and I saw my mom outside and the sun in her eyes made them glow. I feel like it should have scared me (don't ask why, everything scared me.) but I just thought it was beautiful. Also Bebe said my face looks like a fairy face, but I just think it looks like a...my face. Lots of freckles, round-ish eyes and a pointy nose. I don't particularly dislike how I look but it's not like I think I'm attractive either. I don't think too much about it.

I stumble out the door, after doing my usual routine of making sure everything will be alright when I'm gone. The sky was already dark and the snow melted some more, but then it snowed again, so really, it's the same. I wish I could say something interesting, like everything seemed magical and I can fly, but I can't and everything looks horrible right now. If it's because I'm in a generally terrible mood or just because that's how everything would look anyway, I'm not quite sure.

I slide my hands slowly into the pockets of my jeans, and continue trudging to the playground. Goddamnit, why today of all days?

I just want to feel okay.

As I get to the playground, I see a familiar figure in the distance, balancing their weight on top of the playset. I wonder to myself if this will become a usual thing, meeting together on the playset. I wouldn't mind, honestly. I think it would be pleasant.

When I got closer, enough to see Craig's face, I noticed he looked nice today, too. A rugged kind of nice. I nodded at him, and he jumped off the playset and slowly walked towards me.

"So, playground at night again huh." Craig said, smirking. I nodded. "Always."

"Always?" Craig asked.

"I'm always at the playground at night." That was kind of a lie, sometimes I sleep instead.

"You should sleep more often then." He said.

I chuckled. "I sleep plenty, thanks."

He put his hands together behind his back, and took a few steps backwards.

"Sure, if you think so.." That sounded condescending..

"What, do I look dead all the time or something?" I said, genuinely concerned.

"Maybe sorta.." He said chuckling.

"Well you aren't much better!" I said, jokingly.

He put his hands on his face and faked a frown. "I thought I was beautiful.."

We burst into laughter and climbed up the playset carefully, sitting down at the top.

We talked about some things, like existing- which somehow managed to become a regular topic. We'd talk about other things but it would come back to how strange it is to be anything at all. And then there was this moment of pure silence, and I found myself getting lost in his eyes somehow; they seemed endless. I know that's something that's such a cliche, but when it actually happens you aren't quite sure what to do because it's like suddenly everything is them and nothing else matters. And in that moment, I somehow managed to utter the words

"can I kiss you?"

And he managed to mumble the words

"Yes."

And I leaned in slowly, and it was like fireworks. But no, not like in the movies where it's multiple explosions above you, but more like thousands of stars consuming your being and then spontaneously bursting, and it feels like a static peace. Everything makes sense just for a moment. And I'm not sure how to explain this really, because it seems like something you'd have to experience to really know what it's like, but it was wonderful. And when I leaned back and saw his face, it was so astounding how fucking perfect he was. I wanted to lean in again, I wanted to tell him the things I had been feeling without even being aware I was feeling them, but I felt frozen in time and lost again and I couldn't move or speak. I saw him, in the same state I was, and I wondered how we looked to everything surrounding us. Sitting together on the top of this playset, leaned in so close yet much too far.

I wondered, and I hoped that it looked as confusingly incredible as it felt.