disclaimer; i do not own, but who would believe me if i said otherwise anyway?
An; after thinking about it, i have decided to just keep adding chapters as the show goes on and whenever my little heart desires. my favorites are fitzsimmons and skye, but i can try for someone else if i get a request for it. Ensia
Addiction
Run, run, run.
The mantra had been like an old friend to Skye. Her once upon a time's go to whenever she found herself in over her head. It was a saving grace at first, she was in a bad situation. Who wouldn't want to get out? She was doing what was best for herself, because no one else would. Skye legitimized her actions to herself and really she held no guilt for her it. Only it started happening over and over again, bad situation after bad situation fell into her lap and the only thing in her power to do was run. And that's what she did. It didn't take her long to become an expert at disappearing, and for all the times she was told she was worthless, running was the one thing she was good at. In some twisted way, Skye took comfort in that.
Like most things it didn't take long for the desire to run to grow in her. Soon it was "this is about to go bad" before Skye was gone. Then it was "this could go bad" and she already had her bags packed. The "what-ifs" clawed at her consciousness, all of the good she more than likely missed out on while she was worried about the bad. And she tried, oh God, she tried. But all of the bads wore her down and before she knew what she was doing, she was running again. And it got to the point where she wasn't spending any time staying.
She joined S.H.I.E.L.D. with the full knowledge that it was only a part time thing. Something would happen and she would leave same as always. Then the strangest thing happened and part time didn't seem nearly long enough. She met people who cared about her, and actually cared with no strings attached. There were rough patches at first, but Skye found she wanted to stay. She wanted it so bad it hurt. And playing on that desire was easy for the first few weeks. But like it always did, the thought of running started to harass her again. It ate at her at all times during the day and night. It stole her sleep and peace of mind. Gone like a thief, scattered into the wind. And she was given the perfect chance to run. The door was left wide open and no one would have stopped her from taking those steps toward freedom. Steps, she had been imagining taking day in and day out for too long. She ached for them, but she also found herself aching to stay. No one could imagine how hard it was for her to turn her back on the open door.
She never regretted it. Sure there were days were she felt like it was probably a bad idea and there were days were she still wanted to leave. But she never regretted her choice. Because she had found more than a place to stay, she found a reason to stay. For so long, she had spent her days fighting against something, and now, she had something to fight for. People that mattered and a cause that she believed was worth the fight. That was why she stayed. Even after everything fell apart and the world and her heart were left in shambles, she stayed. Not because she had nowhere to go. Certainly, if she wanted to leave, she could have. But to what end? These people who gave her a home, a family, a reason, she might have been able to leave them, but she didn't want to. She wanted to stay, there was nothing in the world she wanted more. So she ignored every part of her that insisted that running was the best option. Some days were easier than others, but eventually it got to the point where it was nothing more than a dull whisper in the back of her mind. She could ignore that.
But it was back. A part of her always knew that there was no real escape, but she hoped against hope that she had gotten past it. In another life, she might have laughed at the irony that the one thing she could never out run was her desire to run. However, now, she just wanted to sob. But she didn't know what would set off her powers. There was so much she didn't know, so much she was afraid to know, so much she wished she didn't know. Her entire life she had quested for knowledge, searched for answers. And now? Most of her questions had their answers and quite frankly she wished she could forget them. Unfortunately, the truth was a pesky thing to try and out run and Skye knew there was no use in trying. It didn't stop her from wanting to.
But it didn't really matter anyway, the team knew the truth now. And they were far from happy about it. They were her only reason for staying, but her staying was going to hurt them. Harsh and unbidden thoughts pestered Skye's mind, images of mangled bodies all baring the faces of her family trapped under one piece of rubble or another. She couldn't be responsible for that. She already had Trip and she was falling apart at the seams. She couldn't control it, couldn't hold back this power that lurked inside of her. She was dangerous and every second she stayed she was putting them in danger.
She should leave, walk away, but she knew that wouldn't solve anything. If she knew anything about these people, it was that they would find her. They were weary, they had every right to be, but when the push came to shove they stood by her. They stood between her and an angry Asgardian and Kree alien. Two forces they honestly had no chance against and they still fought for her. Fitz took the brunt of the team's anger for her. She couldn't just throw everything they had done for her in their faces. Skye wanted nothing more than their safety, and if leaving would do that, then that's what Skye would do. But they still believed in her, well, at the very least Fitz, May, and Coulson did. They believed that she could control this. And she owed them enough to at least try. As much as staying could hurt them, her leaving would hurt them too, and Fitz might not bounce back from another friend leaving. So she would try and prove them right, that their faith in her wasn't unfounded. With her whole being, she wanted them to be right, because there weren't many paths for her should they be wrong. She knew she wouldn't be able to run forever. So she would stay, for now.
Run, run, run.
The mantra rammed itself into her head, again and again. It called to her, pleaded with her to reconsider. It had been so long since her last fix, and she ached with want to just go and leave it all behind. But Skye wasn't as naïve as she once was, she knew that if she gave in now, she would never be able to stop again. This was her last chance, and she was going to fight for it. Running might have been her friend once, but there was a reason she ended their friendship; she found better friends. Now all she needed to do was prove she deserved them.