**WARNING- flashback/dream sequence of sexual assault and panic attack**

Hands wrapped around my waist. I was pinned against a white wall, the smell of cleaning supplies in the air. It was cold. My body flipped around to meet its attacker. My eyes widened to see Gorman.

"Hello, Bethy"

"No, no no no" I quietly pleaded. Gorman shook his head in amusement as he watched my squirm under his hold. His hands pinned mine against the wall on either side of me, his body closing in so there was no space between us.

"Now, now, Bethy, this fighting won't get you nowhere. How bout we just settle this once and for all, hmm?" He leaned into my face, practically kissing me. I shut my eyes close and wimped in fear. He chuckled.

"Ah, that sweet sound. I like to make 'em suffer, make 'em know who's in charge" He let go of my hands and put a hand up my shirt.

"Tell me, Bethy, who's in charge here?" He smirked at my discomfort. I began crying. His hands were cold and felt grimy. His breath stank of beef. I kept my eyes shut, preventing any of the tears from falling out, and felt myself lose my breath.

"Hey, when I ask you somethin' you answer me, bitch!" He slapped me across the face. The echo rang throughout the hall. The pain stung and I let out a cry.

All of a sudden I heard laughing coming from behind Gorman. I dared to open my eyes. O'Donnell was standing there, watching Gorman do this to me.

"Help me, please" I begged O'Donnell with my tear-filled eyes. This only made him laugh more.

"Geez, she is one hell of a ward. Remember to give me a turn with her when you're finished, alright Gorman?" He slapped Gorman on the back as the two chuckled. I felt Gorman's nails scratch my chest as he was marking his territory.

"Will do, Donny. C'mon, we're leavin' this hall for some nice private space" Gorman grabbed my ponytail and practically dragged my down the hall, as I couldn't keep up with his eager feet.

"Please, please let me go" I begged one final time with him. His pull on my hair was causing my vision to go blurry. He stopped pulling once we got to a closet. Gorman yanked open the door and met his eyes with Noah. I did too.

"Out, NOW" He ordered Noah. Noah saw what was happening, how Gorman was handling me. Yet, he left without a word of protest. I let out some held-back tears as I watched my only friend walk out on me. As soon as Noah closed the closet door, Gorman let go of my hair. He spun me around and threw me against the closed door. I tried pushing against his chest.

"Quit fightin' or else you'll get somethin' worse than this, you lil' bitch" He yelled in my face. I felt his hands go down my pants and pull them down. He did the same with his. He bent down to lick my lips and wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling hard to be the closest he could be with me. He undid his buckle and-

I jolted awake from the dream. I felt Daryl's familiar arms around me in protection. I felt my breathing become short and soon I lost it. I tried fighting to get it back, but it just turned into my frantically trying to catch a breath. This caught the attention of Daryl, who most likely felt me shaking in his arms.

"Hey, hey what's the ma-

He didn't need to finish asking because he saw what was happening.

"Listen to me, Beth, in through your nose, out through your mouth, in and out slowly" He guided me, holding my hand for me to squeeze.

I looked at him for a moment then closed my eyes and tried to stabilize myself. I hated feeling so weak in front of these people. They still saw me as a burden, as the little girl who does nothing for the group except watch the baby.

I took deep breaths and focused on his presence. His arms felt like a security blanket. I focused on his scent, his breathing. I tried to match my breaths with his.

As soon as I felt better, I opened my eyes to stare into the darkness of the room we were all sleeping in. Feeling tears well up in my eyes, I began to sob. I felt Daryl's arms hug me tighter.

"I-I'm sorry, Daryl" I stupidly apologized. Why did I always apologize? Why am I so weak?

"Ain't nothing for you to be sorry about" He said deep in his throat quietly. I continued to shake in his arms, but this time because of my crying.

"I couldn't stop him, I-I was too weak to fight him off" I managed to say. Daryl stayed silent, letting me have this moment to let anything I needed to say out. A moment passed before he finally said something.

"S'alright now, you're here with me, and that means nobody's gonna hurt ya" His words were soft and comforting. I didn't want to leave his side, but my chest started to become heavy again and I felt myself begin to slowly suffocate in the crowded room.

"I…I think I need a minute" I abruptly said before walking out of his arms, headed for one of the doors that wasn't boarded up. I walked outside to the porch and sat in the cold night air. I could feel Daryl's presence behind me inside the house by the doorframe. But he never came out.

The wind blowing against me reminded me of Gorman's cold hands rubbing against me. The isolation reminded me of how no one was there to help me. Although it may have seemed as if I needed someone to be right by my side right now, I was glad Daryl let me have my space.

As I watched the trees rustle I thought to myself, Will I ever live the way I did before?

Will I ever feel someone's touch without also feeling his touch?

Will I ever close my eyes and not see the blood of the men I've killed?

I let myself think for a while, each thought making me more terrified. I was never going to be the same.