So, there we are again! One of you asked me to do a second Chapter of Intersex, Jane's view. The enquirer wants to stay faceless, so here we go... this contains the mentioning of abbuse, though it doesn't gets too deep into the situation.
I own nothing but my misspellings and my twisted brain.
PS: I apologise for the misspelling in all the chapters. I am writing this on my phone and English is not my first language. Spellcheck for English doesn't exist in the document I am using. Most of them are because my fingers are too FAT :) and writing too fast, but I am goint to correct them as soon as possible. Sorry for that. Love u anyway...
There is a sting of shame deep down in my stomach, creeping up into my chest, my throat. I enjoy every second I spend with Maura. I never met another human like her. True, she is a doctor and she may not be as shocked about the fact that there are people out there like I. Between two genders. But she is so young. Sure I am the same age, but I was born this way. She is too young to be this mature.
She was nothing but perfect, from the very first moment we met.
I was not usually one to go out into a nightclub, alone, but I started this a year ago. Well I would have to go far afield...
Your prom normally should be something you look back to and laugh about it, but there is nothing to laugh for me. It all started rather normally. Strange word to use for someone like me.
Don't get me wrong I am not depressive or unhappy. I had my whole life to accept who I am. I am Jane. Jane Clementine Rizzoli, born April 1976. I have two younger brothers. I am a sporting ace and I am pretty smart for a blue collar Italian-American. I am tall and toned, my hair annoys me most of the time but I would never cut it and I got a nice set of tits and an average member between my legs. Let's state it as it is, for me it's normal. I am what I am.
Back to my prom! Steve Sanders asked me out, well I liked him. Of course he didn't know about my little secret... until later that night. I hadn't meant for him to find out and I hadn't meant for it to go this way either. I didn't matter that he not knew. I would go to BCU after High School and wouldn't have time; I liked him but was not overly interested.
He saw that a little different. Steve tried to kiss me, multiple times that night, but I wouldn't let him. I should have left, but I didn't.
Like always, someone had brought the booze and rather quickly Steve was hammered. I didn't drink anything. I want to be a cop; it wouldn't be helpful to get charged with underage-drinking. Sadly Steve had no sense of decency or shame anymore and I was too stunned and shocked to do anything.
I don't know how I ended up in the stall of the restroom but I never will forget the look on his face as his hand made contact with my 'secret'. It would have been painful but bearable if he had insulted me. Yeah... that would have been rather nice.
Before I could get a halt on it my dress was up and my boxers down. I was frozen but I still thought he did it to laugh about me. I was wrong! He told me that he had wanted to try it but couldn't because of his reputation and it was a fortune he had bagged me. That I couldn't tell anyone without to reveal my abnormity. Then he was on his knees. After he failed to get me hard he though called me a freak, an impotent freak. He asked me what the benefit was to have a dick and not be able to use it.
I got over it. Really. The only thing left is that I avoided body contact with others.
That's why I ended up in this nightclub. I went there every weekend. I like to talk and to flirt, to dance. With both genders, but I never get any further. No touching. No kissing. Until I met Maura.
Well at first I just saw her and... damn is she pretty. The kind of woman you would die for, but usually this kind of woman is in need of a good fuck and that's it. She and the other girl sat down directly across from me. You know that feeling... standing outside of a bakery, smelling and watching all the damn awesome goodies but you have no money left from your lunch? Well...
Woman like Maura are like a honey pot, the guys came in shoals, but she turned them all down. After three hours of the best and simultaneously shyest eye-sex I ever experienced she came over and asked me out to a coffee. I was about to decline as she lent down.
"I promise I only want to get to know you."
Dude...her voice was like liquid sex and her breath on my skin did nothing good to my brain.
And she kept her promise. We had coffee, seven cups and the best donuts I ever had and one of the best nights I ever had. We sat down by the Charles and talked, well past sunrise.
That girl had turned my head good and proper.
You wouldn't tell a lie if you said I fell in love with her that night.
She is smart and cute and her smile is like the most beautiful sunset you have ever seen and her eyes are magical. They change their color with the light and they gleam when she laughs.
I never stood a chance.
After we discovered that we used to visit the same College it was pretty clear that we would spent more time with each other than meeting occasionally here and there.
I fell really, really hard for her and it was painfully not to just kiss her every time we spent time together and it nearly happened two times. Thanks to Judy's, Maura's roommate, miserable timing it never happened and I was rather grateful. I didn't want to discover that she would be disgusted, repudiating me. She had tried to kiss Jane, the girl. She didn't know anything about Jane, the boy below my waistline.
Oh I wanted to tell her but how do you do that? I never had to tell anyone. My family knew, all of them, and they were the only ones that knew.
'Hi Maura, you tried to kiss me and I really liked the idea but I am half girl, half boy.'
Okay probably less sarcasm would do but still I didn't want to lose her and better be her friend than nothing.
Then 'stall incident' number two happened. I was for a moment about to freeze again, but then I decided to act first, to get control about the situation. Hell did it feel good to kiss her and having her kissing me back. I totally forgot for a moment about 'little Jane' until the snitch betrayed me. Before my fight or flight sense could kick in she had me clenched against her.
"Don't run from me Jane, please," she whispered against my lips, her voice so desperate.
I wanted to run and burry myself in the deepest hole I could find, nurse my wounds and die slowly. As her eyes met mine there was nothing but... love?
She didn't let go of me. She held me hard against her and she kissed me like it was her lifeline.
She shouldn't be again the one of us who is brave. We just loved each other for the first time and again it is her, soothing me, caressing the side of my head, my back, whispering to me.
It hit me all at once.
Don't get me wrong, Maura is one hell of a woman. She is not only beautiful; she has the body of a siren. All the right curves in the right places, flawless, irresistible and I can't even begin to describe how it feels to sleep with her. That she chose me to be her first... but all of this is only the tip of the iceberg.
The gift of her trust and all the love she spend me, giving me the time I needed to trust her with my heart. The untamed lust in her eyes as she straddled me, telling me whatever I would decide to do she only wanted me. Me, for me. Being intersex or not, being hard or not. It didn't matter to her.
One night, not long ago, I had told her about what had happened in that stall on my prom and I saw the pain darting over her face. She had said nothing. Seconds before we dived into sleep she snuggled deeper into me. 'I would practice celibacy with you,' she whispered nearly inaudible.
It may sound crazy or insane for people or you could say that it were just words, but she proofed her invincible love for me that night. It was not only the fact that she can't lie; it was the naturalness, the calmness in her voice. She would and she would never waver in her decision.
I turn my head to kiss her. She should be able to enjoy it too and she again put me first. Her left comes to rest in my nape and her right in the small of my back. Holding me against her.
"Stay a little longer," she whispers next to me. "I love for us to be this close."
The picture of her squirming underneath me makes it back into my mind. Slightly parted lips, the flush of her skin, the soft and deep moans and I will never be able to forget as her eyes opened slowly and our glances locked as she climaxed.
Like I could never tell her that I had to think about my grandma, knitting in her old armchair because honestly I would have had my draw at least the moment she carefully met my hips to welcome me into her.
Being already honest I never thought that I could satisfy her, at least not in this way. It has its benefits to be around girls who don't know that you are partly a boy, or at least have some male anatomy. I know every guy thinks he is a hero, that blindly jack hammering is the ultimately proved recipe for getting a girl off.
Though I have heard enough stories to theoretically know what I had to do I also know what Maura does to me. She had me blushing at least ten times a night, spent snuggling, kissing. It's sometimes annoying and truly embarrassing to have no control over some body parts and I think she enjoys it a lot to pull this reaction from me.
It's not that I am constantly horny, to say it blatantly but I can't help it that she turns me on and that it doesn't help when she breathes into my ear that there is nothing to be ashamed of, because she doesn't even need to have a look to confirm how wet she is.
My desire for her stirs again, starting to kiss down her neck I slowly pull out of her before it's too late. I want to turn my attention undivided to her and as she tries to pull me back to her I catch her hands, spreading kisses on them. Returning to her side letting go of her left one, cupping her cheek I pull her face to me, kissing her gently.
I let the pads of my fingertips explore every inch of her skin, mapping and storing all of it into my memory. Every dip and curve and swell. Every hiss and moan and squeal and giggle. Every shiver and jerk and flutter.
She bites down on my lower lip as I make contact with her clit and she apologises over and over until I stop her with a kiss. Her noises are driving me crazy. I miss her hand sneaking from my back down to my butt and in front and it feels like an electric shock as her fingertips grazes the underside of my penis.
I can't help the moan leaving my lips. "Please Maura; you took already care of me instead of letting go."
"Are you uncomfortable with me touching you?" she whispers.
"God no!" I rather moan than answer.
"Good, because like I said, I want us to explore and enjoy this together."
"Maura... I can barely hold it together."
"Good," she moans loudly. "Because I can't either."
"I... I don't want to make a mess in your bed Maura," oh my god, did I really say that out loud?
"Well... either that or inside of me because I am not going to stop," she breathes directly into my ear. "Make up your mind because I am going to come."
I think I don't need to tell how that ends... at least I didn't get it on her. Before I can spend a single thought about what just happened I am on my back and she straddles me, bending down to kiss me.
"Maybe tomorrow I will let you do whatever you want but today is about us, both of us."
Anyone of you want to come to my funeral on Monday?
While I wrote this chapter I got a lot of requests to consider making it up to a story, so I will leave it here for now. Maybe there is more to come.