Hey there, got a new request.
-Smutty and cute
-high school/College AU
-based on song Amnesia by 5 seconds of summer
requested by WeeklyWriter
...
I never heard this song before and dude I had to cry, picturing this story already... so this one will be a bit sad during the journey.
Hope you like it 3 3 3
I own nothing but my misspellings and my twisted brain.
...
#R&I# #R&I# #R&I#
I drove by all the places we used to hang out, getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine
And you're somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you
When he says those words that hurt you do you read the ones I wrote you?
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the makeup running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
'Cause I'm not fine at all
The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I admit I like to see them, I admit I feel alone
All my friends keep asking why I'm not around
It hurts to know you're happy and it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the makeup running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the makeup running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
I'm not fine at all
I read the letter over and over again, tears keep coming without stopping. I was rarely ever impatient in my life, but could this damn plane not move any faster?
The sobbing starts again. I know the other passengers watch me, talk about me. I just can't stop, had not for once stopped since I found this letter in the mail. No sender, no name, no other words than this text of a song I found on Youtube after I Googled the first line, just the postmark from Boston.
I had not heard or read a single word from her since I had to leave for France, but I knew immediately it was her. Jane. And I wondered. Why would she send me this text after all this time?
I don't know why, but something got me curious and I started to look. I turned the whole house upside down and I found them. Each letter she had written to me and also each letter I had written to her. I didn't understand though, I had left them at the office, where we were supposed to leave our outgoing mail, how did they end up in my mothers desk?
It didn't matter now; all that mattered was that I would reach Boston as fast as possible. Preferably two and a half years ago and make it all unhappen. She had kept writing, each and every single day for two long years and then the letters obviously had stopped. Until this morning. Since my letters obviously never had reached her she kept writing to my home address and not to my school. Although after detecting my very own letters at home I kept suspecting that they also would have never reached me.
There would be time to confront my parents, but now I needed to reach Boston, reach Jane and kiss her until we both would turn blue in the face. She couldn't have given up on me, could she? She was still writing. I never knew what rage felt like, but right know I had the urge to hurt someone, preferably my parents.
How could they? They broke my heart when they told me that I had to leave with them. Had to move to France. They never spoke or acted poorly to Jane. Why? I wish I could understand why they hid her letters and intercepted mine.
They actually comforted me over the grief. The grief that I had to leave her and the grief that brought her ignorance. The grief that obviously she had forgotten about me as soon as I had left. Forgotten about all the promises, all the kisses we shared. I was so furious right now; I think I would have actually spit my mother right into her face. Contempt. There was nothing but contempt for them. They heard me crying for weeks, every night and they did nothing. Wrong, they were the reason I cried.
"Time will heal, darling," my mother had said. Yes! With pleasure I would like to repeat this sentence after I slapped her face.
#R&I# #R&I# #R&I#
It felt like the whole world was moving in snail pace. It felt like years had gone by until I stood in Revere and knocked on the familiar door in front of me.
"What do you want?" I never had seen Angela this cold, even to cold to be surprised to see me.
"Jane," it was the only thing I could whisper.
"Yeah that's what I want, too." Tears were filling her eyes. "But thanks to you I have no idea if my only daughter is still alive."
She reaches to her side. "Congratulation by the way," she throws something over to me and the door closes rather loudly into my face.
Confused I picked up the envelope lying to my feet. Looking down all the breath leaves my lungs.
It was a wedding announcement. A wedding that took place yesterday. My wedding.
I stare down at it.
My sight is blurred by tears but it read clearly
Maura Dorothea Isles & Garrett Alexander Fairfield
'What the fuck' I can clearly hear Jane's voice mutter it in my mind. Before I can think I pound on the door, loud and hard until I nearly stumble into the house.
"Leave or I will call the police," Angela states without any emotion. She is like dead, empty, hollow.
"What is this?" I waggle the card in front of her and she laughs bitterly.
"You sent it; you should know what it is."
"I didn't."
"I don't care Maura. Jane left the night after it was in the mail. Six month ago, without a word or a letter. She climbed out of her window after I had to listen to her heart-wrenching screams all day. She left everything back, everything but the guitar you gave to her. She didn't even take any clothes, except for what she wore that day. I don't care anymore. I just sit here day in day out and wait for the police officers coming by to tell me that my baby is gone. I wish I didn't go to the store that day, I wish I could have destroyed it before she found out."
She was sitting in the chair by the window, staring outside. Did my parents have any idea what they had done?
"She send me a letter yesterday, it has a postmark from Boston." I am not really able to gather enough thoughts to think or talk but I obviously were holding all of Angela's hope in my hands. She must be alive, she send me a letter.
Repeating the words again in my mind it suddenly all makes sense. She thinks I am married by now, married to this arrogant snob I never saw again after I left Boston, the arrogant snob I never was interested in. She knew how much I hated him. She said goodbye to me with this letter. She let me go two days prior.
It feels like my heart stops suddenly. What if it wasn't just a phrase? What if it was a goodbye forever? The thought that my parents may have pushed her into suicide is too much for me. The last thing I feel is as my knees hit the tiles in the entrance.
I wake up to my own scream, frantically searching for her, feeling her arms wrapping around me.
"Shh... I am here Maura. I am here."
"Jane," I sob into her neck. She pulls me down with her. Feeling her naked skin close to mine, my heartbeat slowly calms down but just for some seconds until it picks up again, this time for a different reason.
I remember like it was yesterday as we made love for the first time, in this very same bed, on the very same day, five years ago. The night my parents told me we would move back to France.
We had made love for hours, until we were too tired to stay awake anymore. I woke screaming, the very same dream that had haunted me tonight, like every year since then, playing vividly in my mind. It was what made my parents stop to force me back with them, letting me stay in Boston. The only condition I had to swallow was that I was only aloud to stay here as long as my grades didn't suffer. A condition I could easily live with. It has its benefits to be a genius.
I pull her on top of me, holding on for dear live.
"Make me forget, baby."
And she does.
Jane is a very tender lover but on nights like this I need something else. I need her endless power. I need her teeth and her fingernails. I need her to fuck the living hell out of me.
Sorry if I didn't meet your expectation, but I didn't really could work the smut into it. It just didn't feel right.
at WeeklyWriter: Hope you liked it anyway, if not I will have a do-over and try it differently, but it just kept flowing and going with the song means some heartbreaking along the way.