Warnings.
My skin was chilled when I awoke and nothing could be seen before me.
I struggled to sit up from my sprawled position. My chest felt heavy from lying on it and most of my body was numb. With my head hanging and my hands hardly supporting me, I quietly panted as memories distantly drifted back into my skull. Shizuo in the alley. The chase. The group of strange people. The metallic taste on my mouth as pain exploded through me from an unseen strike. Didn't I just get shot? Twice? Oddly enough, there was no pain wracking my body. I shakily lifted a hand to my chest, gently touching the fabric of the dark shirt I usually wore. There were no tears in the fabric, but there was a distant numbness just under my left collar bone and along the side of my neck. My hand came back clean when I pulled it away. Where is the blood? Wait! Where is my jacket?
Panic welled up in the pit of my belly and I glanced up into the never ending darkness. Was I still in that back way or was I somewhere else? Shinra's? Did I go blind or was this something supernatural? I couldn't feel the ground beneath me, and judging from my irritated equilibrium, I was slowly shifting and moving. My empty stomach churned at the sensation.
Where the hell am...
"You are indeed here." A deep, haunting voice slowly echoed with a vibration all around me. I tilted my head quickly to try and catch sight of anyone, anything. The darkness was vast however, and it seemed to swallow me whole. Was there someone with me? Who's voice is that?
Fire suddenly engulfed me, springing up from the unbeknownst depths below, and I screeched as I sat upright on my knees. Thick flames lazily licked at the darkness as they warmed my chilled body almost instantly. I hugged myself, wrapping my arms around my chest, but noticed that while the flames were monstrous in size, they did not catch at my clothes. They were uncomfortably hot against my skin but they did not burn. I was sitting in them, the ground beneath me remaining black as charcoal. What is this!? I glanced about with a quickened breath and a slight shake in my being.
"The fire that burns inside of your heart is hot. It has the capability to destroy everything it comes in contact with." A flaming figure manifested before me in a huge flash. Just like the fire, it seemed to have risen up from the blackness below. It was large, larger than a building and it formed features to vaguely resemble a mutated human with wings sprouting from it's back. Black flaming circles swirled where it's eyes should have been, and every word was moved with a disfigured void of a mouth. I squinted against the blinding light, raising a hand to shield my sensitive eyes as pain pricked behind them. "Izaya Orihara. You have not been deemed worthy to ascend to Heaven. You shall remain here, in Hell, for eternity."
And that was when I realized that my heart wasn't beating.
Wait... I'm dead? My eyes widened as my shielding hand slowly drifted back down to my lap. I blinked once as my mouth parted. I... I realized that my wrists were fully functional and intact. The broken bones from Shizu-chan? Gone. I really was dead, and I could clearly remember how I died. Shot twice. What a way to go... I blinked in disbelief as I stared down at my hands. Two thick shadows clung to my wrists tightly like handcuffs, the tail end disappearing into the vast darkness before me. They pulsated with a fervent need as they cut off my the circulation, the slowly growing coils tightening desperately to climb up my forearms. It was an odd sensation, like rope tying me to the peculiar world. There was a gentle tug, but oddly no pain, just a peculiar warmth. I rolled my right hand for testing. No pain emerged from the joint. I glanced back up at the flaming... God?... speechless. I'm...
An ominous chuckle lowly rumbled, and I felt all of the hairs on my body raise. I may have called myself a God to the humans around me, but I was certain that I did not hold this much power. I could feel it wafting from him in thick ripples. The power. The confidence. The evil. The flaming apparition moved closer to me with a slow but powerful step. I tensed, trying to shift back away from it. My spine suddenly straightened and I couldn't help but gasp. It was exerting it's aura and I felt as if I would be crushed beneath it. The evil and wickedness of it's intent rolled off of it's being like the blood that had pooled beneath my dying body. I could see and understand what was happening, but I couldn't save myself.
I would be an arrogant fool to stand up against such a being.
I swallowed thickly."Now that the formalities are out of they way, hello, Izaya Orihara. I have been waiting for you."
I blinked just as my jaw went slack. I felt my stomach drop and a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. He was waiting for me? I remained frozen where I sat as the figure drew near. I almost forgot to breathe, not that I really needed to. It was more of a habit than anything else. It crouched down to my height, a deep rumble echoing throughout it's cackling figure. It toned down it's blaze to become more human sized and it collapsed upon itself until it finally knelt before me with an outstretched hand. It was still mostly featureless and larger than me – larger than Shizuo probably – and it seemed to smile in the way Celty would. It didn't have lips to show the emotion, but the feeling simply rolled off of it and attacked my senses. Unlike Celty, the smile was wicked and twisted. And the fact that is was a flaming apparition was what kept me from taking it's offered hand.
I remained still as he advanced forward, hopeful that this Hell ordeal had been nothing more than a gag. It can't be this simple. My hope died when his hand landed on me. Searing hot fingers clamped onto the back of my head and shoved my face downwards and into my lap.
"You will always bow before me, Orihara." Another chuckle escaped from above and I felt the first waves of genuine panic flow through my veins as the smell of burning flesh reached my nose. Why could I still feel pain!? I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to think. I needed to think, to clear myself from the situation, to collect and to -
"Your human tactics will not work down here," a hysterical laugh erupted from the being. I gasped as the burning pressure was released from my scalp. I automatically sat up with my mouth ready to go, eyes scrunched with pain and discomfort. How dare anyone lay a hand on me- That flaming hand returned to my face, fingers digging into my cheeks and nose and searing hot pain fleshed its way into my skin as it burned. The stench was terrible. I cried out, bringing my hands up to pry the hand from my skin, but my palms and fingertips received the same fate. It was like sticking your hand into the stove and hoping that you wouldn't burn yourself on the max setting. It was futile. The skin was melting from my body and blood had begun to run down my cheek in a warm, stinging trail. My face fell back to my lap when the hand was removed. The entire ordeal had only lasted a couple of seconds, but there were bubbles, bubbles of boiled skin, and I was already at my limit.
The great Orihara, forced into a voluntary submissive state in less than five minutes.
I probably looked grotesque already. Five fucking minutes! Not even!
I clutched at my face protectively, a scowl forming on my lips as tears threatened to prick at my eyes. My lungs were heaving out shaky breaths and it felt like I was suffocating. My face, my face, my face... I could feel the mass of my nose, cheeks and forehead were charred, along with the bottoms of my hands. Bubbly skin stuck to my hands as I pulled them away, and widened crimson eyes took in the mutated masses that had grown on my flesh. My palms were a disgusting mix of ash black, blood red, and what looked like cysts ready to burst. This is what is on my face...
Fingers trembling lightly, I let the first tear slip.
"You already forgot." The voice was light, almost playful, "You almost forgot that you must always keep your head down to me. Maybe I should get you to repeat it? Like a child? You are a child here, after all. Fresh meat."
Submission was not my forte, and I silently cursed myself for not knowing how to deal with it. My hands returned to my face and I gazed down at nothing in particular between my fingers. "Who the hell do you think you are?" I yelled and raised my head once again. Pain still stung me, but I wasn't convinced. This can't be true. Only my worst nightmares left me disfigured. Was this a joke? If I was in hell, I was worthy to some entitlement at least. My eyes hardened and I stopped the tears. It didn't matter where I was; I would make a place for myself and put myself above all others. That was an unavoidable fact. It was in my nature. I would never allow myself to disappear with the common folk, or disappear at all. I was Izaya Orihara. I belonged where my precious humans thrived. My will alone would keep me from disappearing.
A laugh roared and the being flared once again before all the flames exploded like fireworks, slowly fading into darkness. It was gone. The fire apparition was gone. It was then that I realized I had been passionately shaking my head like a mental patient locked in an asylum. Black swept over me almost painfully as the voice continued, "Who the hell am I? I am the ruler of Hell, you pathetic human. You have raised your hideous face against me once again," A solid, soft, human shaped body pressed into mine and a hand forcefully slunk it's way into the hair at the back of my burned head. Muscles creaked with my sudden tension. My breath hitched as I expected my body to burn, my skin to sear in violent pain from the touch.
But there was nothing. Nothing except for a relatively warm body pressed up against mine, delicately holding me like I was a fragile piece of china.
The gentleness only lasted a second. I was roughly pulled forward, and my pained face crashed into something solid. My eyesight was blocked and obscured like I had been pulled into the bastards chest. "Satan, is the name you will use to describe me, and nothing other than it. And as for your mental statement, you are entitled to nothing down here. You are by far one of the most evil and manipulative creatures to walk the Earth. You could birth the sin you house. You have so much power, and you used that power to reach supernatural heights, and for that, I praise you." He chuckled and I felt it rumble from beneath me. Dark and haunting. I shuddered at his praise, for it did not sit well in my stomach. My cheeks flushed lightly and my eyes pricked once again. That saying, the one that states that your life flashes just before you die?
Bogus.
It didn't flash. I simply realized it. I could see it, everything. The way I had treated my family as a child. The way I had grown up. The hatred I had adopted for being different, for being observant, for being so calm and inhuman. How I had treated those close to me, friend and foe, and the way I had decided to live my life. The acquaintances I had made, the schemes I had conjugated, the lives I had screwed over. The people I worked for and employed, the tricks I had played, the plots I had set into motion. The way I had misused my natural intelligence, and the actions that forced my parents to turn their backs to me like I had become nothing more than an imperfect demon.
The back stabbing. The indirect murders and terrorizing. The playing. The games. The never lasting satisfaction and that ravenous craving for more hurt, more angst, more misery, more sin. My attempt to ruin Shizuo, one of the most stubborn and God-like humans I had ever met. The jealousy had brewed hatred. I hated him since the first day I met him because I knew he surpassed me. The disgusting longing to be more like him, mutilated by the need to be perfect, to be above all, to be God-like.
To be loved.
I had walked the path willingly, and this was my punishment.
A tear slipped past my closed eyes and my chest became dark and painful. What are these feelings? I felt disgusting, like a little kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
"Feeling guilty?" He chortled triumphantly, "Oh, and there is a little bit of shame and embarrassment there too. So now you see. You see everything that brought you here, even though all of this time, you aspired to reach the top, to become a God, to be loved and held and praised, you chose the dark path even though you knew you would fail. Heh, it's a tragedy. You never wanted to disappear, but that is exactly what you will do here. Show me your face? I wish to see how you look as you realize this." Anger. I replaced everything with anger and growled out my refusal to my own words. So this was the sick game I had been playing. This was how my precious humans felt as I meddled in their lives.
It was such an interesting feeling, but I could live without.
He simply laughed harder.
"You're interesting, but unfortunately for you, I take in no underlings or subordinates. I know you were hoping for something special, but the only special place you will get here is to be my personal pet," he pat my head for emphasis, "Hell is not the place for the evil to satisfy themselves. Hell is the place for people like you to suffer by my hands for all of eternity. I will use and abuse you until I break you, and then you can watch yourself as you degrade and fall further into the pits of nothing. In the end. You will disappear, and no longer exist. And alas, you will be forgotten." The snickering erupted into a full fledged laugh. The resistance of the inhuman body beneath me shifted and light filtered into my widened eyes. A firm hand snaked it's way around my lower back, and the hand in my hair aggressively pushed my face into what felt to be the crook of his neck. The body was changing and becoming more human beneath me, and I managed to glance over his shoulder, freeing my pained face from the pressure of his hold.
What I saw was incredibly peculiar.
The area around us was lit up by candles. The ground was still black, but there were hundreds of thousands of white candles littered around us, their little flames flickering in the darkness. Some were larger than others, and some seemed to be raised as if we were sitting at an alter. They surrounded me at different levels, each flame dancing to a different tune, and the sight was both breath taking and awe striking. Had I not just had my fate sealed, I would have described them as beautiful.
Behind them, in the fading candlelight, where what looked like moving shadows. Dark, ghastly formations floated around like shadows on walls. The looked partially human, with what could be described as two shadowy arms and possible heads. Spirits? They were those characteristic spirits, balls of awkward darkness with awkward, indescribable limbs. They all floated around aimlessly, eerie whispers leaving their unseen mouths as they pulsed and morphed into more hideous looking things. Horns sprouted from some while tails or wings sprouted from others. Izaya Orihara... Izaya... Izaya... Their whispers intensified at an alarming rate. They called my name repeatedly in a deafening variety of voices. Some low, some high, some normal and human, some growling and creature like. I attempted to avert my line of sight as the shadows puffed into more angrier apparitions, but I couldn't move. The hands on my body held me perfectly still and my chin was resting on the shoulder of... What? I glanced down, slightly shocked. My fingers involuntarily clenched around a silk, carmine dress shirt. The pulsating of the transformation had stopped, and I was struck by how human the being had become. Beneath us, flames danced patterns against the garment and it instantly reminded me of blood. My blood. Izaya-san... Voices were filling my ears. I needed to leave – they kept calling my name but I couldn't help them. I didn't know what they wanted or why they were there. I don't know how to help people; I have never really helped anyone unless it was in some twisted way. The hand on my back suddenly pushed my hips forward and I surprisingly shifted my body, disturbed by how my knees had been spread to either side of his hips so that I could sit upon his lap. His name died on my tongue and I refused to speak it. I refused to even think it. I closed my eyes as a shudder took over my body. I had no fight left.
I seriously screwed up.
"I see you now understand your position. Oh, and those spirits are the soul's of those who have died from your involvements." The hand at my back slowly began to slide in what should have been comforting circles. It was such a human gesture. It caused me to tense and clutch onto the body a little more tightly. My eyes flicked back up to gaze at the shifting shadows once again.
There were hundreds, maybe even thousands, of them.
My stomach dropped, a disturbed frown pulling at my lips.
Those people were dead because of me? I had never felt too much for the death of a human, but, there were just so many. How many are there? The hand at my back suddenly became firm, almost painfully so. I swallowed thickly as weight crashed down onto my shoulders. I suddenly felt heavy, like an invisible mass was crushing me and filling me up and solidifying like concrete. I suddenly couldn't move willingly, and my heart sunk so painfully in my chest that a sob broke out from between my lips. My face was frozen in a remorseful expression, alien to my facial muscles.
I had avoided the consequences of my actions for so long.
"This weight is your responsibility."
Distance yourself. Just like the pain in the alley, I stored it somewhere deep within me to deal with later in private. I nodded in acknowledgement. They had been regular human beings who had come to me, knowing who I was and how I dealt with things. I wasn't ready to face it. To face death without fear. I didn't want to accept the consequences, I wanted to brush them off like I always had. They aren't my problem. These spirits are not my problem. All I had to do was tell myself this. They knew when they came to me. They knew.
"You are so cold. These people are your problem, you led them to despair when I led them to you. When you are here permanently, they will all be above you. They will torture and harass you for as long as they need to. But this is not about them. They are here because of you, and will aide in your punishment, and that is all the information you need to know."
I bit the inside of my bottom lip. They, the angry spirits, didn't know anything about me. They didn't know how to break me, or how to harass me. I knew all these people right? If I had brought them here, then I would remember most of them, right? Most of their attempts would be in vain. They had been below me, and the situation wouldn't be enough to change that. It didn't matter that we were dead – I was playing with immortality, right? None of them can break me; nothing can. Strained determination set into my stomach and I hardened my heart along with my grip. I set my jaw and swallowed the misery that had been building inside of me. There would be no more tears and no more regret. Sure, I could have appreciated a bazillion more things in my life when I had had the chance, but I couldn't now because it was over. So this would not get to me, and there was no point in reflecting. The past was the past. I seriously screwed up, and now I had to face the price. I could endure this, I just needed to fight. I had lived my life playing all sorts of games and speaking all sorts of riddles; it would take more than a few threats to knock me down.
"Nothing can break you?" The chuckling started back up and I swallowed thickly as that moving hand delicately trailed down my back with a single finger. "How incredibly lucky for you, you're not actually staying here, so I don't have much time to prove you wrong."
What does that mean? My resolve to fight suddenly froze. I'm not staying here? All of this was for nothing? Where am I going? Or is this another trick!?
"You will permanently die eventually, and when that time comes, I will have so much fun breaking you in. True, you might be able to endure me for a while, but I doubt you will hold out for long." the laughter ceased to end, and my face was shifted back into the crook of his neck. Long, wiry crimson red hairs fell into my face and I closed my eyes. My previous emotions were numbing out with my determination. What was that stupid line again? Conceal, don't reveal? Doesn't matter, he can read my mind. I keep forgetting this, but it is so hard to monitor my thoughts. What the hell is he doing, anyway?
I cleared my throat, though my voice still came out small and weak. "You mean to tell me that I am only visiting?" My heart fluttered in hope, but was it a trick? The idea of staying or even coming back after I returned to life was not appealing in the slightest. Actually, returning to life sounded like a miracle.
"Yes, just visiting. Consider this your prelude to the after life, for you are being temporarily saved. That Shizuo Heiwajima creature is just as entertaining as you are. A little trickster, that one. Much more holy than you could ever dream of being. You should thank him when you get back."
What.
"But unlike you, he will never find his way down here, unless, you drive him into depravity, that is..." There was a sneer, and then another chuckle as the fallen angel began to laugh once again at his own suggestion. "Maybe that is what I'll have you do – you're not leaving here without any baggage, after all. It's such a shame. Heiwajima would be more than fun to break in, though I think he would be easy. He would probably give up as soon as he got here." The statement was followed with a disappointed sigh.
"You do not know my Shizu-chan very well, then." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. If I was dead and going to rot away in Hell with the Devil himself, then I at least wouldn't let him tear down Shizu-chan so easily; even if they were empty words. I couldn't explain why, but his words struck a nerve somewhere within me. I hated Shizuo, but he was mine to hate and break alone. "Shizuo Heiwajima's will is far more formidable than mine."
"Hm, is that so? Sounds like I have discovered another weakness, then."
What- I gasped as a cold finger slipped underneath the back my shirt. A talon of a nail gently ran against my skin and I tensed in his grasps. "What are you getting at here, anyway." My voice was secure once again just like my mask. I had gone through a roller coaster of emotions, but I was back now, back in control. Or perhaps I am just cocky because he said I am being saved. At least in death I could hide my emotions too. That was something to be proud of when I awoke.
"You can't actually hide your emotions, because I can feel your heart. It might not beat, but it still feels, you know. I will break your masks and security in due time, don't fret, little Orihara." I could of sworn he was smirking as his voice teased. The frown remained on my lips as I stared impassively behind him. It took all of my concentration not to show the doom I felt in my chest. "And what I'm getting at here is that you are leaving soon and I would like for you to take a... let's call it a gift, back to the real world with you. It's not everyday that I get an opportunity like this."
"A gift?"
"Hm, I wonder what kind of face you will make when you realize what is happening," The finger poked teasingly at the hem of my pants and I felt a sweat break out across my forehead once again. My fingers clenched and my mouth pulled into a worrying line. My heart rate spiked as a chill ran up my spine. "And yes, a gift. And just for my own amusement, I will show you in life something like a preface for what you will face when you return here. You will face five fears, not including my gift, before you come back. Whether they make you or break you is wholly up to you. Let's call it a game."
"I don't have five fears." I didn't mean to sound challenging, I just said it like it was; a fact. I had only said it to reassure myself – not that I wanted to admit that. He chuckled, and we remained frozen for a second, the pad of his finger teasing my skin in a gentle, rhythmic circle. Maybe he is just talking the talk? My face flushed, and it stung as I remembered the burns that scarred my face. They had numbed over time, so clearly pain wasn't very lasting down here. My breathing automatically hitched, and that ominous heavy feeling settled into my stomach once again. Something bad was going to happen, and I didn't know if I could deal with it.
My throat constricted on it's own accord.
He suddenly leaned back and pulled my body forward with him, his hand slipping the hem of my pants and boxers and pushing them, along with his hand, down my bare skin. His hands forcefully travelled down my thighs, dropping my clothes around my knees. I shivered as I practically caved into him, my body arching uncomfortably away from his presence as sudden cold air washed over me. Blatantly shaking, I didn't even try to hide it as I tried to pull away, my body moving in my attempt to wiggle free. Wait, wait, wait, wait... "I am only afraid of death, not what happens after." I rushed the sentence for my own support and squeezed my eyes shut as he laughed, one long finger trailing down to my ass.
"Oh?" he chuckled again and his other hand curled in my hair viciously to keep me from escaping, holding my head still, "then why are you holding on to me so tightly?"
I consciously noticed that my grip on his shirt had tightened into a death grip. I had also raised my swaying hips away from his violating fingers, and in the process had given him better access to what he was after. He pulled my face into his shoulder and held me there to keep me from moving, gently stroking his fingers through my hair, knowing full well that it wouldn't stop my struggle. I was trapped beneath his massive palm like a small, wild animal being calmed. I silently cursed myself, my uncharacteristically quiet brain murmuring unlikely solutions for my escape. I tried to fight against the grip that held my hair but I lost. His hands felt like Shizuo's, solid marble with super strength. My brain revealed the painful truth. I'm not escaping this. The lower hand, sitting down by my thighs suddenly moved and groped me with sudden harshness, feeling me up with forced dominance and I froze completely still with my heart slamming into my chest.
I had never been on a roller coaster, but I imagined the first drop would be equivalent to how my stomach sunk at that moment.
I was unmoving as I clung on to his sturdy frame with my eyes shut tight, shivering and tense. He was being rough, nails breaking skin as he grabbed and kneaded my body in places I would never let another touch, his bruising force causing me to repetitively shudder, and as much as it would make sense for me to be into that kind of stuff, I wasn't. I was not a masochist who wanted to be man handled and subdued. I was a fool who avoided sexual contact at all costs, and my avoidance, just like the responsibility I had abandoned over those spirits, was coming back to literally bite me in the ass. I shuddered and clenched my teeth to stop them from chattering. No, no, no, I don't have fears, I don't have fears, this is an unreasonable fear, no fear, come on Orihara, it's just a tease, a little bit of groping, you'll live-
One filthy finger abruptly founds it's way inside of me, and I jerked my hips away from it with a viscous hiss as pain seared through my tensed rear. It hurt more than I had anticipated. My right hand detached itself from his shirt and instantly found his wrist behind me. I held on, my knuckles going white. I won't let him do this, there is no reason for this, this is unnecessary. No reason, no reason, okay, maybe I deserve this, yeah?
A light chuckle resonated from beneath me as I let out a panicky breath. "Hm, no reason? I did say you were going back to the living world with a gift, did I not?" The laugh raised all of the hairs on my body as it echoed throughout the darkness, that finger curling painfully into me and the grip in my hair almost tore out more skin. I could feel the talon of a nail snag into my sensitive flesh, and a wave of foreign sensations flooded through my hips, making my body sag forward in weakness. I went numb as I put the pieces together, that finger sliding into the depths of my body. My nose crinkled in disgust and my mouth instantly pulled into a frown. His gift. His actions. They could only mean one thing? But how could that be possible?
He pulled his finger out roughly and pulled me close. The hand in my hair trailed down my back to hold me still at my hips while his other hand disappeared from my body. Apparently he was done with the demonstration. I glanced down to one of my clenched fists and cursed at the tremble that was still visible. I didn't dare move. Concentrating, I tried to even out my breathing, tried to calm the erratic gasps that could only indicate my panic. Panic is so unlike me. But I was trapped, completely at the mercy of the under world. The fact didn't sit well. All of my natural emotions were still in tact, and this, this was definitely something I never wanted to experience.
The hand in my hair suddenly disappeared, and both hands suddenly slid to grasp my bare hips as they held me still. His fingers clenched. They would surely leave bruises, if not break something. Large hands steadied my ever so swaying hips, forcing me to lift and balance painfully on my knees. He pulled me closer, and I swallowed as I mentally tried to prepare myself for the worst part. My breathing had become anxious and my body had gone rigid with tension. This won't work, right? Why the hell would I ever look this up, I should have looked this up, I don't think this is normal, surely he won't fit just like that, right? Unless he just plans to force his way in... I tensed, something inside of my body clenching to try and repel the intrusion that was about to happen. Flickering my eyes in a daze, I whimpered, catching those haunting spirits as they called my name again and again, chanting, louder and louder. I wrapped both of my arms around his neck, feeling hair tickle my nose as I gripped him hard enough to choke a regular human. I closed my eyes. Distance, distance, think of something else... something happier...
"Izaya... Iza-kun... Izaaya Orihara..."
Shizuo...
His head suddenly turned, his nose nudging my ear. We remained frozen in place while he whispered almost silently, his lips brushing against my jaw with each cruel word.
And then he moved, so fast and so strong that the action somehow reminded me of being caught in Shizuo's grasps, his hands pushing my hips down and his body slamming into mine in one quick, inhuman motion. Tearing. Breaking. Pressure. And pain.
All I remembered after that was my own, blood curdling scream.