My eyes honed in on him, and he shifted from the intense stare I was sending. Rolling his thick honey eyes, he glanced my way, his chin placed in his hand like he was bored. He was slouched over the bar and didn't seem to overly care about my presence. How long has he been there? His mouth twitched in irritation at the mere sight of me but he didn't move to chase me.Worst of all, how long ago did he notice me? I grinned. I couldn't resist the urge.

I jumped from my seat and happily skipped over to the man who had recently learned to tolerate me. I grinned broadly, plopping myself onto the stool right beside him. "My Shizu-chan. I didn't even see you over here."

He blinked at me from behind his blue shades, unaffected by my purring tone of voice. "You were too busy shoving food into your mouth. I see you got your appetite back." He hummed in thought, and my eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I'm guessing you just have an eating disorder, right?"

I scoffed at him, spinning in the seat. "How rude of you to judge me. You know, Shinra says..." My voice trailed off and I abruptly stopped. The smile never left my face despite the dark thoughts drifting through my mind. He probably won't forgive you. You replicated his girlfriends head and tried to start a war with it... I swallowed thickly before grinning back at Shizuo. "Shinra says I should be okay. I know you're tyrannosaurus sized brain can't comprehend the fact that I too can be sick, but it's okay Shizu-chan. I'll forgive you." I would have patted his head like a puppy had I not feared my arm getting ripped off.

Shizuo simply chuckled, his eyes never leaving mine and his temper remaining stable. "So you're basically saying that you are human, and not a God?"

I narrowed my eyes, suddenly disliking how the conversation was going. "What?"

Shizuo sighed, straightening out as Simon brought him his plate of sushi. He removed his sunglasses, hiding them inside of his vest while thanking Simon for the food. "Oh, Izaya, be nice to Shizuo. He had bad day with Tom. You had bad day too. I see. You two be nice and eat food. Food make bad day good." Simon nodded encouragingly. Shizuo ignored both of us and ate a piece of... I hope that was mackerel?

Simon drifted away to attend to another customers needs. Shizuo decided to answer my inquiry."Yeah. You're no God." He glanced over to me with a small grin like he had proof or something. Something inside his miniscule brain was entertaining him, and it involved me.

I sneered. So what if I'm not a God. That doesn't make me human still. Right now, I am probably less human than Celty."And how do you figure?"

Shizuo didn't even contemplate it. "Well. You got hurt. You cried. And now you're sick? That makes you human, or at least an animal of some sort." I straightened in the stool like someone suddenly pulled on an invisible string attached to my head. That's right. My break down that one morning. Internally growling, I mustered up my best enraged glare.

Shizuo snickered like I was some little kitten puffing up and trying to look nasty. I glared and dejectedly spun around in the chair. "Shizu-chan is so calm nowadays~ It's no fun."

"Good. Maybe you'll leave me alone." He said casually while throwing more sushi into his mouth.

And there was that feeling again. The one in my chest where it felt like my heart was squeezing. I spun around once more before the sensation settled into my stomach. Shizuo doesn't even hate me anymore. Shinra doesn't like me anymore and Shizuo doesn't hate me. They are becoming indifferent to me. I ran my tongue over my chapped bottom lip. It's like I'm disappearing. At this rate, no one will even think about me when my end finally comes.

The whole purpose of my being, gone.

I stopped spinning and suddenly jumped up. I felt a little bit sick. Shizuo's gaze landed on me but I didn't look at him. I didn't look at anyone. I just stood, judging whether or not my stomach was agreeing with the fish. So far, it didn't look too promising.

"Izaya, you're really white..."

I walked way from him, disappearing around the side of the counter and heading into the bathroom. The heavy brown door took a little too much effort to push open, but I somehow managed. I stumbled in to the clean but dim bathroom, shoving open the ugly blue door to the first stall. I stepped in with my hands on the walls, bracing myself. The churning was starting up, but the heaving was still at bay. This feels terrible. The toilet bowl below me was clean – for the time being. I closed my eyes so I didn't have to see it.

Behind my gentle panting, I heard the door swoosh open and quiet shoes padded into the room. I chuckled under my breath, straightening up as the feeling of being sick passed. "Shizu-chan, if we stay in here together too long, people might think we're having hate sex."

There was an irritated snort from behind me, but Shizuo kept his distance. "Only Anime freaks would think something like that could be logical."

I chuckled, rubbing my stomach slowly. Was it just me, or was the room getting really warm? "Shizu-chan. If you used your imagination, you would realize that it could be logical." I stepped from the stall, letting my back fall against the wall right beside it. My stomach was calming the more I talked, so I talked just for the sake of feeling better. "You know, Erika seems to think we have a thing going on. I wonder who started that?" I narrowed my eyes to indicate that Shizuo indeed had started that theory.

He was so adamant about hating me.

Shizuo sneered, stepping closer. "Never mind your perverted thoughts; I heard about Shinra."

So that's what he wanted to talk about. My stomach dropped at the thought. Of course he heard. He's best friends with Celty. I felt the blood drain from my face, and my stomach flipped again. Time to leave. "That's nice, Shizzy-chan. But I think we should have this conversation at another time-"

One strong hand grabbed my shoulder and forced me back against the wall. "You see, I don't know what sick game you're playing, but don't you have any boundaries?" He stepped closer, into my space. Do I have boundaries? No. I'm not supposed to. Gods are limitless. The creature in my belly suddenly shifted, and I fidgeted uncomfortably. I'm not scared even though he's in my space. What is up with this!? I groaned, trying to shift out of his grasp. It was just one hand, how was I trapped by only one hand?

"Shizuo, let me go." I shifted again as the flipping in my stomach became more intense. "Shizuo!"

He pushed me back against the wall and kept me there. Last time this happened, I ended up with two broken wrists. I shifted irritably, perhaps slightly panicked, while Shizuo growled out something about how I shouldn't have any friends. I suddenly became aware of how close he was to me. The way his breath smelled. How heavy his hand was on my shoulder. How easy it would be for him to just flip me around and just-

One last flip in my stomach sent me on impulse mode. I grabbed Shizuo by his groin with enough force to make a regular man scream, stunning him into silence. He froze before me, giving me the chance to flexibly slip myself out of his shocked grip, duck between his legs, and dash into the empty bathroom behind him.

He turned sputtering, before the oh so common scream of my name.

I made it to the stall just in time to empty out my stomach contents. Hunching over as I relocated the oh so worth it tuna, I chuckled. One. Two. Three. Six. All eight rolls came up separately. I used the back wall to support myself until I was done, and then I laughed. I laughed at how desperate I had become. Weak. I was proud to keep down sushi for more than ten minutes. This is who I've become. I laughed some more, half consciously aware that Shizuo had stepped in behind me. I am fading... slipping away. My real self is fading just like He said... I dropped down to the floor with a whimper; defeated. Laughing done and gone, it was replaced with empty numbness.

There's something wrong with me. I need to apologize to Shinra.

Resting my head against the stall, my vision turned dark with the threat of tears just as what felt like burning fire cascaded over me.

I sat on my knees in the dark.

It was pitch black and I couldn't see anything around me. The darkness was thick in a suffocating way but I was calm like in the floating dreams that had been plaguing my mind since the night of the shooting. It was amazing how one could go from being perfectly fine to being incredibly unwell in the matter of minutes, seconds even, and how those fleeting moments could change ones life so drastically that they almost didn't recognize themselves in the mirror.

Absolutely fascinating.

Darkness had never bothered me, nor did dreams. And yet I still felt slightly uncomfortable as I sat there in the epitome of black. I closed my eyes with a gentle exhale. If I couldn't see, there was no point in trying to look, right? It was a weird sensation, my personality at that moment, like a blast from the past. I felt confident and mighty, like it didn't matter which senses weren't working. As long as my brain was still functioning, I could survive and prevail over anything in my way. As long as I could think and rationalize, everything would be alright. It was almost funny that I had been so emotional since I had left Shinra's. Almost.

"Orihara..."

My ears picked up a soft, distant whisper and I felt my stomach clench in discomfort. Right. I had been so emotional because of what happened.

"Izaya..."

I shivered even though there was no breeze. I wasn't warm, nor was I cold. I was perfectly content, temperature wise. My hands were clasped gently in my lap and my head was hanging low. Despite the fact that I felt like smiling, my lips were pulled down into a frown. My shoulders felt weighed down and I didn't even bother to move. I didn't overly feel like fighting against the forces that bound me. What were these emotions even supposed to be? They hung over me like glue desperately trying to stick paper together. Heavy and clogging.

"Izaya... did you forget about us?"

The voices. They were echoing throughout the space like hundreds of different people, young and old. No. I haven't forgotten. Slowly, I opened my eyes to see a white candle flicker to life before me. It glinted in my eyes and I flinched. Fire. It was just bright enough to illuminate my body against the swallowing darkness and saving me from what should have been the despair of suffering without my vision. I could now see that my knees were bare – as was the rest of me - and I chuckled lightly as the flame danced against the dark. Why was it so funny? My giggles escalated like something ironic had happened. I was sitting naked in the darkness of a floating world before a lit candle, laughing hysterically. Could it be? The events that had taken place would either make me or break me, but which was which?

I laughed loudly and it echoed back to me. My options were to lose myself to the insanity of the situation, or to break down emotionally and become less than everything I had consider lowly. I could laugh and rise up to become a fallen God, or I could allow myself to plummet back down into humanity. I could feel the laughter draining from me rather quickly. Sane or insane, the choice was mine. My once hysterical chuckles slowly turned into terrified sobs. The light flutter in my heart was replaced with heavy foreboding. I wrapped my arms across my bare chest in a protective gesture as I made my decision. I knew what I needed to do, but it was just so hard.

"Izaya..."

I knew the answers to all of my questions. I always did. I just sometimes had a problem accessing the information on a conscious level. Perhaps the depths of my mind would tell me what I wanted to know because there was too much knowledge floating around for me to dig it up myself."What are the five fears?" I spoke it out loud as if asking had been the main purpose of my dream. If I have fears, then they were already developed from the incident, and my body must know what they are. My sub conscious could tell me. I must know. I must remember.

"They are intriguing." Said a voice. It was high pitched like that of a small girl.

"They are terrifying." Deep and rusty, like an old worn man.

"They are normal."

"They aren't you, but they do reflect you."

"Maybe they are the very definition of you."

"You know what they are. You know. They're all here. Right now."

"Isn't that right Izaya?"

"They are here. You can feel them."

My skin pricked and I shuddered. I rubbed my arms slowly as my eyes glanced around in the darkness. I curled into myself to let my forehead rest against my knees as the voices continued to harass me. I closed my eyes again to block out the flame as it began to flicker wildly. It unnerved me and I felt my chest constrict with anxiety. One wrong move and that flame would birth an unstoppable disaster. My mind was swirling, fears were tumbling through my brain, but what were those images? Why wasn't I allowed to know?

Or maybe they were telling me, and I just wasn't understanding.

"Can you see them, Izaya? Or is it too dark?"

"They're here. Light the match and see them."

"You have committed crimes. You have violated humanity."

"We want you to atone for your sins. Forever."

"Atone. Izaya. Why did you do it? Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

I placed my hands over my ears to try and muffle the words. It was then that larger hands wrapped around my own, and my body was pulled back perfectly into the hard curve of another. My eyes shot open, wide and stunned as familiarity washed over me. The skin was hot. Searingly so. I gasped, struggling to move as I tried to wiggle my hips away, but I was held fast. Claws dug into my flesh while legs wrapped around me, holding me still in a crushing kind of way. I couldn't move, so I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to panic. I tried not to respond. I tried to appear indifferent and boring. I tried to keep my mask; but my very own will defied me.

The gift.

"Your fears are all right here."

I sat up gasping.

It was black. Pitch black.

My breath came out in hysteric gasps that did nothing but echo in my ears. It didn't feel like I was getting any oxygen and my chest was becoming heavy and pained from the strain. Almost like I was drowning. Panting for breath, I tried to move, tried to shift, but I was caught up in something. My heart rate increased as my hands sprung out to force whatever it was that was holding me away. My movements became frantic jerks as I tried to push everything around me somewhere else. I needed to protect myself. Something is going to harm me. Whatever it was, it was cold and foreign and wrapped tightly around my torso and thighs. I managed to untangle my legs, shifting them underneath my body, just as a soft voice caught my attention.

"Izaya..."

I froze like the dead. Was I still dreaming? A whimper loudly fell from my throat as I somehow managed to shift onto my knees. The ground beneath me shifted slightly like... sand? It was too soft to be sand, but I couldn't distinguish the texture through my jeans. Maybe I was still dreaming – I wouldn't sleep in my jeans, after all. It doesn't matter. I shuffled away from the voice and reached out my arms as I tried to stand, to run. The voice had come from my left. Where am I? I turned my head away, desperately trying to see something, anything. I blinked harshly as my eyes adjusted.

Shadows darker than the night flickered around me, chanting my name.

I needed to run.

"You are not Godly. You are not good."

I gasped once again, finally getting to my feet, just when -

Wham!

I fell. Gravity grabbed a hold of me and I fell. Sensations and directions swarmed me. I couldn't tell which way was up or down as air rushed directionless past my ears. My face struck something rather hard, something shifted and scraped across a wall, and I landed on a cold wooden floor. I cringed and grabbed at my forehead, sliding my fingers into my hair. My hand was met with something warm and wet. Whatever I had hit, something else fell with me and I heard glass shatter somewhere near my face only seconds later. I felt a shard or two bounce off my fingers and I flinched into myself as I tried to protect my face from any more damage. My forehead stung and my gasp was louder than I expected it to be. I curled up on the floor with a quiet sob. No, no, no, no... I need to go!

"Izaya. You'll kill everyone who gets close to you."

Not wasting a minute, I forced myself to my feet wildly just as what sounded like a door swung open. Pain shot up through my left foot as I flinched and took a step backwards. A gentle breeze hit me and I froze where I stood, trying to blend into the darkness, breath held. But the darkest shadows were grabbing at me. I could feel it, like fingers wrapping around my limbs and bodies grazing against mine.

"No,"

A light flicked on and I choked on my own air supply. My eyes squeezed to block out the blinding light but I could still see him.

Shizuo stood in the door way looking rather disoriented. His blonde hair was messy and his half lidded eyes were glassy like he had been sleeping. He was wearing black jogging pants the hung low from his hips and a loose white tee that looked older than myself. With one hand still on the light switch, he yawned.

"What happened?" He blinked away some bleariness, obviously taking in my state of panic. My breathing had not calmed and I could feel myself trembling. I was still in attack mode, my body rigid and bent forward to either escape or strike. Honey eyes glanced over the scene before him. The bed with the sheets and blankets thrown about. The end table that was four feet further away then it should have been. The lamp that had fallen and smashed on the floor. The blood beneath my foot and on my forehead. The shaking in my hands and the panic and possible fear in my eyes.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed.

He took a step closer.

"No." I inwardly panicked and raised my hands to stop him. I took another step back and arched my body away from him. Don't come near me.

He cleared his throat. His eyes became stern and he stepped into my space. He reached an arm out to me, palm up, but waited for me to approach him. I felt some of my panic dissipate at his lack of force. "Come. You hit your head." His voice was gruff and strained, but clear.

I forced my breathing to slow but I shook my head. "Shizuo. Why do you even care. You hate me, right? Why are you helping me?" You don't understand how hard it is for me to accept help...

Shizuo scoffed before grabbing my wrist and dragging me with him. I squeaked in protest as we disappeared from his bedroom and out into the dark hall. The light was fading quickly as he dragged my struggling form into the darkness. It was then that the pain in my foot and forehead slapped me. I started to limp. But I didn't really care. The eerie shadows were back and they were whispering to me. Hands reaching out to try and grasp me as I went by. The only thing keeping me grounded was Shizuo's grip. His hand felt like the jaws of a lion and the skin contact was burning me inside. Suddenly on edge, I somehow managed to keep pace with him as he forced me through his tiny house. Maybe f feet later, he stopped.

"Dumb ass, stop struggling. I told you I would help you get better, so let me.." He muttered like it was the most logical thing in the world.

At the end of the hallway, he shoved open a door. Stepping into his, say, puny bathroom, he flipped on the light and motioned for me to sit on the edge of the bathtub. The lights were dim and grossly yellow, and everything in the room was an off shade of white, except for the navy shower curtain. But aside from the gross colours, the entire room was spotless.

"Shizuo,"

"No." He rummaged through the cabinet below the sink before producing a cloth in his hands. I carefully sat down where he had instructed and kept my mouth shut. My lips were pressed into a firm line and my eyes were wide as I watched his every movement. He said he won't hurt me. Why am I so worried? He ran the cloth under the tap with a distasteful frown on his lips. "You were practically screaming in your sleep."

I kept my gaze strong. My mouth remained closed.

"Mind telling me what that was about?" Shizuo glanced at me from beneath his fringe. He wrung out the cloth before handing it to me.

I hesitated. If you only knew. I quietly accepted the warm cloth and used it to dab at my forehead. I could hardly feel the sting as I pressed against it. There was too much going through my mind. Your fears are all here. But where were they? My eyes dropped to the off white tiles. I felt like they had told me, the voices.

I almost laughed. Shit, I was going crazy, wasn't I?

I know what they are... but I can't remember...

Shizuo grunted at my silence and then turned away from me. I glanced up just to see him leaving. He made his way out of the bathroom, silently disappearing into the dark hallway without a seconds notice.

Shizuo, wait. I wanted to call out, but I swallowed the words back instead. I dropped my gaze again and my head hung. I gently dabbed the blood from my forehead as confusing thoughts swirled my mind. There is no time for any of this. Dropping the cloth from my face, I lifted my socked foot and rested it on the opposite knee, suddenly discovering a rather large shard of glass sticking from my heel. Minor injuries. I inhaled as I pulled it out without a second thought.

"Oooow..." I slipped the black sock off and then pressed the cloth against the newly bleeding wound. I glanced up in annoyance, waiting for Shizuo to come back. Where did he go, I need him here. But then again, maybe it was for the better? I probably shouldn't tell anyone what's happening to me...

Something outside the doorway caught my eye and my heart rate spiked. Call me crazy, but I could have sworn that the shadows were closing in from beyond the bathroom door. Fat sprites were floating against the edge of the light, muttering and moaning my name. I felt that betraying tremble trickle back up and into my finger tips. It invaded my chest and clogged up my throat. It was a feeling I didn't know well, but I knew it well enough to identify it by name.

Fear.

My stomach swirled in agreement. It's like my fear of death. I'm scared of what happens in that state. I am scared of becoming nothing, and nothing happens to be in the state of death. In that sense, I am scared of what happens in the dark. In the dark...Maybe I was imagining things? But their chanting was becoming louder from beyond the door. The panic in my chest wasn't only from the looming blackness before me or the fact that demons were harassing my every day life.

I was afraid of what they were saying.

"Izaya. You killed my daughter."

"Orihara-san. You are not worthy."

"Give up. Give up."

"Shizuo." I called weakly from where I sat. My voice seemed to drown against the taunting of the ghosts. I was rigid. The room was becoming noisy at an alarming rate and I could feel my breath was becoming erratic once again. "Shizuo..."

"You deserve to die."

"Humanity hates you, you'll be the death of all of us."

"Give up and die."

"There is a special place in Hell just for you."

"Just like a pet."

I dropped the cloth and inched as far back as I could on the edge of the bath tub without falling in. I gasped and jumped to my feet as something rustled against the shower curtain, erupting from the slightest shadow. Something moved from the corner of my eye and I quickly moved, backing myself into the wall across from the sink. I sat shaking between the door and the tub.

"You are... no longer... Izaya Orihara... you are..."

"What's wrong?"

"A monster..."

"Who will birth the sin,"

The noises completely disappeared and my gaze whirled back to face Shizuo. He was holding an adhesive pad with some tape. His face suddenly contorted and he dropped the items onto the sink. "You're really white. And shaking." He approached me slowly, seemingly unable to understand what was happening. If you only knew... He didn't know what to do, so he stayed just within arms reach.

"I'm..." I tried to moisten my dried out mouth and to force words from my breathless lungs, "I'm going..." I ended up hunching forward cross-legged, resting my forehead against the freezing tile. Breathe. My lungs were refusing to cooperate and they were sending my heart in a state of pure panic. A warm hand fell onto my back gently and I shuddered. I sat back up abruptly, pushing the hand off of me and breathing deeply. I'm fine. I'm fine.

"Izaya," Shizuo sat in front of me, his voice stern. "What happened." It wasn't a question, it was a demand. He almost looked freaked out.

I looked away, debating what to say. What happened to me? This is not like me at all. I might as well just keep lying... but I'm playing with my life now, not other peoples. I shivered, keeping my gaze well averted. Do I tell him? What do I do?

"Shizuo..." My breathing wasn't helping the situation. I wasn't hysterically panicking, but my state was still alarming. I managed to not tell Shinra... And there's no way I'll trust Shizuo over him... "Shizuo, I-"

"You've been weird." Shizuo cut me off and I suddenly felt trapped. My inhale was cut short when I froze. I glanced to him uncertainly, noticing that I had wedged myself into a bad position. Shizuo was blocking the door, and his eyes were hard and serious.

I wasn't ready for an interrogation. Secrets were secrets for a reason.

"You've been weird, and acting sketchy." Shizuo said simply. He scratched his chin as he thought. "Hmm, yeah and you've be keeping secrets. Yeah."

I brushed it off lightly, but carefully. I breathed, "Shizu-chan. Everyone has secrets."

He nodded in agreement. Crossing his arms across his chest, he sat himself comfortably on the floor like he was planning to stay there all night. "Yeah but you are very... you. You know? And right now, you're not being you."

All the anxiety that had built up in my chest for being interrogated and confronted about what was wrong, suddenly blew out the window. Is he making sense? He's not making sense. Shizu-chan is high or something. Everything stopped dead as my brain over worked in trying to understand what he had said. My breathing evened out as confusion swirled in my thoughts. What?

"Don't give me that look." Shizuo huffed, shrugging and closing his eyes. He tried again. "You know. You. Laughing at every one and everything, and getting into everyone's business, always one step ahead, cocky, smirking," His eyebrow twitched just thinking about it, "You things. Those are all you things and sitting on my bathroom floor after having a panic attack and screaming in your sleep is not you."

I blinked, genuinely shocked.

"Throwing up fatty tuna – remember in high school, when Simon dragged us in kicking and screaming one day and tried to force us to make up, and I dared you to eat four plates of tuna and you did?" I nodded in confirmation. That had been hilarious. Shizu-chan got so mad cause I could eat more than him. "You didn't even get sick then. I have never seen you sick. And in Shinra's bathroom. Shit. You leave for almost a year, you come back, you act normal, and then somehow someone gets the upper hand on you, and you change." He was running on a tangent, I could tell. His face had become stern with irritation and anger as he spoke. "You've changed, and it's more annoying and pathetic than before."

"Ouch."

"You can't even take care of yourself, you're pushing everyone away, avoiding your 'humans', and something is weird. I know Shinra's strange and all, but when he is seriously telling me to try and help you because he can't do it himself, then I know there's something up. Something abnormal. Kind of like me." Shizuo glowered at me. I secretly wanted to shrink. "Celty even thinks there is something weird, and that's coming from her who's only scared of aliens and shit."

"And your point?"

"What happened." And there it was, the demand again. The demand to know what had been haunting me since I had returned to life.

I shook my head. No. I couldn't tell him.

"The fuck, Izaya. You have a meeting with God? Did he remind you that you are human?" Shizuo snarled and I visibly cringed. My heart squeezed and I suddenly stood up with my eyes averted. This conversation is over. I need to leave... Shizuo was on his feet and blocking my way again, still snarling, "You have a second chance now. Not everyone is as lucky as you, so don't screw it up."

"Shizuo..." I whispered. He moved to grab me but I violently jerked away. "Don't touch me."

He did it anyway, latching on to my wrist and hauling me closer. I cringed, pulling away with all of my strength. Why is he always such an oblivious brute? I tried to rip my arm from his, but Shizuo was suddenly pushing me back, slamming my back into the wall. He trapped me and I froze up.

That demon in my stomach? It felt like it fell right out along with my heart and all of my internal organs. Gravity was tugging down at my hips and I shuddered at the intense sensation.

Dry. My throat went completely dry and my mind seemed to turn even further away from my normal reactions. This is the part where I laugh it off, talk until he is angry, and then have him chase me. But I was frozen. I was frozen solid and I wouldn't dare to try and move.

Long talons sliding down my skin.

I shuddered. Shizuo was talking in a rage, but I couldn't hear him. He was asking me questions, but I couldn't really see the shape his lips were making. I couldn't force myself to understand him, and his words did not stick in my brain. The only thing on my mind was that. The only thing that had ever effected me.

One long finger trailing down my back.

My skin prickled. I tensed as my mind suddenly felt the need to remind me of what I didn't like to call traumatizing events. And I could remember it. Every detail. Every single touch. Every word. Every movement. All of the laughter and mockery. The promises. And all the pain. Blood drained from my face and it felt like I was shrinking away from Shizuo's hands and body. I didn't want it anywhere near me.

And then I realized what was happening. I had no problems with people touching me, be it a casual or concerned hand here or there. But if there was something more to that touch, something too close and forceful, then I froze.

And I blindly denied my brain to continue that thought. Because I knew what the fear was. But I never wanted to face it. Not again.

"Izaya!"