A/N: More warnings; mostly the warning that hasn't made an appearance yet. Felt terrible about last chapters content, so here's another quick update. And as for me being twisted... -just wrote entire update in one sitting because I felt so bad for being so mean, I mean, I'm being more mean now but, uhhg- I just want everyone to be happy now. -cries-.

"So, how are you feeling, Orihara?"

I felt dead inside, an emptiness rolling in my stomach dully. I was mostly unaware that I was sitting on my knees, out in the middle of the parking lot, fully clothed with everyone at least three feet away from me. It didn't feel any different then earlier. Then being helpless on the floor despite all of my protesting. The past insert-amount-of-time-here was a complete blur. It merely started and ended, and I vaguely had a recollection of any of it, let alone what had happened or how.

"Orihara."

I sluggishly responded to my name, head slightly turning but eyes not exactly focused. And I had thought I was exhausted before this whole ordeal. I could hardly move now, a dull throb slowly working it's way up my spine and into my brain. The shuddering in my stomach hadn't ceased, the mocking laughter of a true demon no longer registering as a sound.

I didn't want to die, because I never wanted to experience this ever again, but at the same time, I understood what Hajime had meant early. If I hadn't already died and gone to Hell once, I would have been asking for him to just shoot me now. I would have just taken the bullet.

There was only one fear left to discover now, and then I could potentially rid myself of this evil. That was the only thought that seemed to help me. That this could possibly get better. That once this was all over, there would be nothing this bad ever again.

If I even recovered from this, anyway.

"Izaya Orihara."

I turned to the sound of my name, Ansen Hajime standing rather pridefully before his gang, the mebers standing around me as if I would run. As if I could run. A huge smile split his face, and I hardly found the strength to shudder at it. And so I just sat, impassively. How long had I been here? "Izaya, Earth to Izaya." He chuckled, "I asked you how you were feeling?"

I swallowed dryly even though my face was still wet with my tears.

I felt compliant. Very compliant.

"I'll tell you where the head is." I said quietly, eyes not quite meeting anyone's. You can still fight. You can make it. Survive. I gulped audibly before glancing down to the ground. What was I supposed to do now? Was all of this fighting for nothing? "In a safe, in my closet, and the pass code is zero, one, two, eight." I closed my eyes as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I think I just made a mistake.

I wasn't compliant enough to ignore my need for self preservation.

Hajime nodded triumphantly, seemingly pleased with my cooperation. I exhaled, feeling a false sense of security wash over me. "Good boy," He said, enjoying my cringe before stalking closer, eyes suddenly narrowing. I flinched as he dropped down onto his heels, fingers threading my fringe aggressively. He jerked my head back, staring down at me. "But, too bad I know you're lying through your teeth. We've already ransacked your apartment, and cracked open every safe we could find, that one included. And guess what I found? No head."

Whoops. Did I tell a lie? "Oh." Was all I could muster. I looked away, but Hajime didn't move, nor did he let me go.

"So then, I'm assuming you're ready for round two?" He grinned like a Cheshire cat, and I visibly tensed, eyes widening and body turning away protectively. He rolled my head to the side, exposing my neck where there were already several bite marks. He merely laughed at my response. "Well?"

"No," I whispered, as he let me go and stood up tall, shoe nudging me in the side. I refused to let him kick me over with such little force, and so I kept myself stubbornly sitting.

"No? Then maybe a new game first? I have to say, you've turned out more stubborn then I thought you would."

I sighed heavily. I was tired. Dead tired. I didn't want to hang on anymore. I didn't want to be here, and if that meant death then I would just gladly accept it. I was too tired. Exhaustion didn't cover what I felt.

"Get the stuff out of the van, we still gotta convince him."

Wasn't he done yet? I was even starting to feel willing to pretend like nothing had happened; just move on and leave it at that. No one needed to know what he - they - did to me. No one needed to know. I didn't need to tell. I could just scamper home, lick my wounds, fire Namie, and then slowly decay underneath all of my blankets. The demon could even grow up, claw out of my stomach like in that one movie, and leave me to die. I could just take this incident and bury it into the little crevice of my mind where I stored the whole trip to Hell...

Something wet was suddenly dumped on me, dragging me back to the reality of my situation once again. I cringed. Forcing my eyes open, I glared at the ring of people, confused as to what they planned to do next. Maybe shoving my head into a bucket? That sounded right up Hajime's alley.

Until the smell hit me.

I instantly felt nauseous, my heart rate picking up once again. He wouldn't...

Another container of gasoline was dumped over my head. I choked on it, but my limbs refused to move, refused to pick me up and carry me away even as they shook the last reaming drops on me. If I tried to run, they would just catch me and then that would happen again. In the van. Suddenly, I didn't know what was worse - to welcome this new mode of torture or to accept the other mode.

"Eh, we have to give Orihara back his spark, seeing how I so lovingly took it away earlier." Hajime approached me again, hands in his pockets casually. At least he wasn't threatening me with a gun? "Are you gonna watch me?"

He pulled a lighter out from his pocket, teasingly flicking it on. I flinched at the sight, the flame burning me mentally, instant flashbacks from Hell surfacing on my mind. My lungs suddenly started to choke me, my entire chest constricting. "I told you earlier, you'd rather be dead." The flame began to dance with his moving hand, swaying in the air dangerously. I wanted to vomit, but I needed to hold on. "And once I'm done lighting you up, we'll take another round in the van, alright?"

He was just having fun now. I cringed, tears finally giving way as I looked to the ground, far, far away from him. I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to see any of them. I didn't even want to call Shiki and tell him that they were all assholes. This wasn't about the head anymore. This was about torture. About his sick need for pleasure. I had the slight suspicion that even if I told Hajime where the head was – which was no longer in my apartment, might I just add – he still wouldn't stop until he was truly satisfied with me.

Well these are what your fears are, Izaya.

If I died now, I would just experience all of this tenfold in the after life.

I wasn't sure which reality was worse.

The idea of being burned alive hit me hard. I was done, finally giving in. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and curled up into myself, forehead hitting my knees as more tears streaked down my face. Fire. I should have known. It should have been the obvious one. In the pits of the afterlife, there had been nothing but fire, flaming and burning everywhere. The searing hot pain of his fingers burning my flesh.

I choked on a sob.

He was actually going to do it, and I was probably going to scream again. My throat was already raw, my voice hoarse and hardly alive.

I don' think I can make it.

A menacing chuckle echoed through the parking lot, forcing me to tense, and try to breathe through the lump in my throat. Hang in there. I couldn't look. I couldn't watch. I had already seen enough. There was an echoing step, Hajime approaching me to act out the next terrible scene of my story, followed by the blunt sound of something solid making an impact. What sounded like a body dropped to the ground, and then metal smashed into concrete, screeching loud enough to have me clutching at my ears.

I took in a shaky breath before ever so slightly raising my head, prying one eye open to make sense of everything that I had just heard, because what I heard and what I had expected were not matching up.

When I registered what I was seeing, I opened both eyes to double check and make sure. Because maybe my mind was playing tricks on me? Hajime, the man who just threatened to light me on fire, was lying face first on the ground, all of his henchmen with their backs turned towards me. The demon was growling menacingly, a deep and throaty sound that was echoing through out the parking... lot...?

No, that couldn't be right. It didn't sound right.

I raised my head, hands still hovering over my ears while confusion swirled in my muddled brain.

Hajime's gang suddenly dispersed like a herd of deer being startled by a lion, their actions so sudden that I flinched and ducked. Bodies suddenly fled, men scattering in all directions while weapons were dropping like flies, clearing the way so that I could finally see the source of their panic. There was yelling, an incoherent mess of sounds as all the actions muddled against the concrete walls. Cars were started, guns were loaded, and threats were yelled.

But I was staring at something very peculiar; something that relieved me to my absolute core and had my heart fluttered in some strange warmth, my need to just get out of here and go home growing stronger and stronger with his presence..

It was one Shizuo Heiwajima.

One very angry Shizuo Heiwajima. He had a stop sign clenched tightly in his hands, teeth bared and vein throbbing from his forehead. His entire face was red, blonde hair incredibly messy, shirt dirty and disheveled, and he most certainly looked ready to kill. Veins were popping out of his hands, his stance suggesting the had had taken on an entire army and won, and was now ready to pulverize the second wave. I shivered, suddenly confused as to whether or not that anger was directed at me.

When his eyes met mine, that look of pure fury multiple by at least fifty.

The sign was hurled at the van that contained a lot of DNA with an angry roar, men jumping out of the doors and trying to save themselves before the pole actually hit it. The force of the throw had the side of the van crippling, any person who had been sitting there would have died.

I shakily tried to sit up properly, eyes briefly landing on Hajime's still body before spotting the yield sign lying twisted and gnarled some feet away. A perfect throw, but knowing Shizuo, Hajime wasn't dead.

Good. That gave me the option to do it myself in the future.

Shizuo suddenly stormed up to me, grabbed me by the shoulders on my jacket, and then hoisted me up and over his shoulders. I couldn't even protest as the air was knocked from my lungs, my hands still cuffed painfully behind my back. Shizuo huffed in irritation, bouncing my once to try and get me comfortable. I groaned, pain lacing the sound, and squeezed my eyes shut. I could feel him looking at me.

But I felt safe. Safer, anyway,

"Do we stop him?" One guy was yelling from across the parking lot, ducking behind a car.

Shizuo stopped where he stood, glancing over his shoulder with a death glare, holding me like I was a trophy not meant to be shared. "Do you want to try and fucking stop me!?" He yelled, voice shaking everything in the vicinity. I had never felt so relieved to hear my worst enemy scream. He was shaking, I could feel every tremor in his unstoppable muscles, and I had the fleeting worry that he would crush me before we even got out.

There was no response from the goon, and so Shizuo took it as his cue to leave, muttering death threats underneath his breath and glaring off at anyone who dared made eye contact on his way out. With their leader out cold and Kai probably in the hospital no thanks to me, the gang stayed put, leaving my fate in Shizuo's hands.

They were smart enough to leave the beast alone, at least.

But I was shaking, violent tremors wracking my body as Shizuo carried me out from the lot and into the night. It was suddenly very chilly, and I suddenly felt very emotional. There were things welling up in my chest that I couldn't even describe. I was clutching onto his shirt like a toddler, my face pressed into the fabric to try and stop my tears. I glanced up, just to make sure there were no shadows clinging to me, and I was once again surprised to see that they were hanging several feet away, their arms reaching for me but never coming too close. Their voices didn't even reach me, and for that, I was glad. Because with Shizuo, my problems seemed to leave me alone.

"We're going to Shinra's." He said forcefully, like he wanted to yell at me instead for being so stupid. I didn't say anything, just sniffed while the demon fidgeted in disapproval. He had more than likely enjoyed all that had just happened. I was still crying, now that the immediate danger was gone I was feeling ashamed. Why, though? What did I do that was so wrong to have them treat me like that? To end up feeling like this?

Luckily for me, Shizuo was a pretty quiet guy, and therefore the walk remained silent. He didn't ask, so I didn't have to contemplate whether or not I was going to lie again. To avoid the truth. To keep digging my hole further and further down until not even a rope could reach me to pull me back up. He gave me a moment to reconnect with reality and consider things like, what was I supposed to say to Shinra? Was he still mad? Would he be mad about what I let happen? Did I even let any of this happen? Was I blaming myself? I'd have to tell Shinra, it only made sense; I'd have to tell him about everything that just happened, and if I was spilling those beans, I might as well spill the Hell beans.

But I couldn't do that.

I was being pathetic, and I knew it, but I just couldn't do it.

"Hey," Shizuo suddenly dropped me back onto my feet, one hand hanging onto my upper arm to try and support me. I noticed we were already in the lobby to Shinra's apartment, the elevator making it's way down the floor very slowly. I blinked. When did we get here and why didn't I notice? "Hey, I was talking to you." Shizuo said almost quietly, shaking me gently.

"Huh?" I glanced up to him, face confused and probably pained. His eyes softened, hands traveling down the backs of my arms to grip at the cuff links. I flinched, jumping where I stood as his hands got too close to my body. He wouldn't dare, would he?

"Don't move." Just like that, his inhuman strength broke the chains, at least giving my arms free reign. I could get the cuffs off my wrists later.

I didn't thank him, simply glancing down in misery and despair, watching how my hands shook violently. Did I just doubt Shizuo Heiwajima's morality? I jumped out of my skin when the elevator dinged, and Shizuo dragged me into it with him. I stumbled along, not really experiencing the world as vividly as I normally did. Everything seemed to have a thick haze hanging over it.

"Hey," He said again, sounding incredibly annoyed. I didn't look at him, instead bringing a hand up to my tired face. What are these feelings? "Hey, have you heard anything I've been saying?"

No, Shizuo, no. I haven't. I'm sorry. I remained motionless, hand pressed over my eye for the entire ride up. I was sure that Shizuo had been talking to me, his voice rumbling along with the laughing demon's, but I never heard a word he said. I didn't hear either of them. All I heard was the constant pounding in my skull, reminding me of the entire mess I had gotten into.

Mess couldn't even describe the situation anymore.

Next thing I knew, Shizuo was dragging me out of the elevator and up to Shinra's door, and I was just stumbling along with him like a complete idiot.

"Izaya!" Shizuo shook me just as the door open, Celty standing in the doorway and rapidly typing out a message on her PDA. Shizuo ignored her, shaking me again, trying to get me to snap back into reality and out of third person. "Are you listening?"

I shook my head slowly, other hand joining to cover my face as I stifled another cry behind my palms. Seemingly done with my act, Shizuo knocked my knees out from under me and picked me up, opting to simply carry me into the apartment. It wasn't like I could walk by myself anymore. "I found him because I can smell him. You know this." Celty was bombarding him with questions, I knew.

I just didn't know how much Shizuo knew, or what he had also told them.

I was gently placed on the couch, where I dropped my hands from my face and stared at my knees. I didn't care about the tears anymore. They could all see. I wished I could either go back in time to before all of this happened, or just straight into the future after all of this had been dealt with. I didn't want to be here. Shizuo sighed heavily, a hand gently landing on my head and then retreating just as violently as my flinch. He regarded me carefully, and I turned away.

"Shinra's on his way back. He'll be another few minutes." Shizuo said simply, standing up and waving his hand to shoo Celty, who was no doubt bombarding him with more questions. He glanced to the PDA carefully before taking a seat down on the couch, grabbing his pack of smokes irritably. "I'll tell you later."

So he sniffed me out, huh? Why was he looking for me? Not that I was complaining – but he could have shown his face earlier.

How's drowning in self pity? The demon suddenly mocked, evil laced within it's words. I cringed, flashbacks of the past evening automatically assaulting me. Isuddenly felt claustrophobic. Wraping my arms around my dirty jacket, I shivered.

"I need..." I forced myself to stand up despite the shaking that wracked my body. Celty was by my side in an instant. "I just... bathroom."

She nodded in understanding, helping me slowly cross the flat to Shinra's bathroom – the same bathroom that I had come to remember everything in.

Hopefully I would leave it with nothing.

She let me go in by myself, thankfully, showing me a quick message along the lines of 'I'll give you a minute' and closed the door when I managed to stumble in. I didn't even bother locking it. I walked over to the sink and mirror, leaning heavily on it while glancing at my ragged appearance. My eyes were blood shot and very red, my hair a complete mess. Blood was staining my face, and obvious bruise forming over my nose, and my lip was cracked right down the middle. My eyes trailed down to the visible bite marks, and I quickly looked away.

Terrible, I looked terrible.

You'll feel even worse, tomorrow. The demon reminded me.

I mentally told it to just shut up while I turned the tap on, letting the water run warm. I needed to get it together. Shinra was going to be even more pissed when he found out what I had been hiding from him. Yeah, I'm talking about you, you little shit.

He'll just laugh it off. He's not really your friend, you know. You're too terrible to him.

"Shut up," I muttered, supporting myself on my left hand while cupping water with my right. I gently splashed my face, cringing as the water both stung and ran away red. I felt incredibly dirty. Stained.

Maybe Shinra will fuck you too.

Glass suddenly broke, my right fist sitting in the middle of the mirror with jagged pieces falling from it. I was shaking. Bad. My breathing was beginning to labor again, and I wanted to do nothing more than just curl up and die, with no after life – not even heaven.

The demon was chucking, and I gingerly pulled my hand away from the mirror. My face reflected back a myriad of emotions.

Why so sensitive?

Why so sensitive? Why so sensitive. "Huh." I said as if I were contemplating it before reflecting on everything that had happened over the past few weeks. "I wonder why." It was sarcasm. Purely sarcasm. I glanced at my trembling fist, watching as blood ran rivulets down my knuckles. How could I let it get to this?

The demon swirled in good humor, clearly enjoying my internal struggle.

Was it just me, or was the thing getting bigger? I flinched when it sharply pinched me, accidentally or not, I wasn't sure.

You should have let Hajime have his way. I'm sure it would have been more fun! But oh, you did hold out on giving him the information he wanted. How interesting. People are so fascinating. who knew pathetic you could be so stubborn?

I shivered, not sure it the thing was mocking me or being genuine. Humans. How interesting they were. So predictable. I lightly touched the large, jagged piece of glass in the sink, glaring at the half of my reflection that was mirrored back. Should I clean it up before Shinra asks?

Wiggling, I felt my stomach cramp as it was forced to make room for the massive, moving weight occupying my abdomen. Are you going to try and make yourself look heroic? Like you at least got one punch in? He'll ask about the knuckles you know.

Why was this thing so chatty when I was trying to feel better? Trying to get it together? I glanced down at the glass. I'd have to break it smaller if I wanted to flush it.

He'll still see the broken mirror.

Why should I hide anything from him anyway?

Because you're so good at it.

"No." I had forgotten what my new purpose was. I was supposed to be changing this, right? Changing my fate? I picked up the glass timidly, trying not to cut myself. It would probably make Shinra even more angry if he accidentally cut himself instead, so I had to do something. "I'm not hiding anymore."

So even the great Izaya Orihara can be subdued with rape. Good to know. You just keep telling yourself that it will get better.

Blood burned my face, angry tears pricking at my eyes. "Shut up."

Well, it was the problem from your first trip to Hell, right? I see a common denominator here.

"Shut up."

Another swirl had my stomach lurching, and I dropped to my knees, the glass falling from my finger tips. How does it feel? To be forced into compliance? To be manipulated? Isn't this what you do to people's emotions on a daily basis?

I swallowed thickly. No, that wasn't what I did. I sort of helped people. Sort of. I just talked logic into people, and then – then – took pleasure in their mistakes. It's kind of the same thing...

There was more chuckling, but before the demon could go on with whatever theory it had come up with, I interrupted.

"Do you remember, what I told you that one day before I ran into Shizu-chan? After Shinra found out about the head?" I asked, voice deadly quiet. I think the front door opened, Shizuo's deep voice rumbling throughout the apartment. He was probably explaining what had happened, and Shinra was probably already getting irritated.

I was doing that to him more often, it seemed.

Hmm, you have said lots of things to me, but what time are you specifically thinking about? You said a lot of things that day. The beast seemed genuinely curious.

Good.

"About cutting you out myself."

Huh!?

"I told you that day that I might end up cutting you out myself, if you didn't start behaving." I picked up the glass, scrutinizing it quickly. It wouldn't be as clean and easy as my flick blade, but I was currently sitting without one. It would work, and it would have to do. I quickly shrugged out of my jacket, ditching it on the ground beside me. It was dirty and bloody and worn anyway – a little more blood wouldn't make a difference.

Izaya what are you doing?

I lifted my shirt, glancing at the awkward looking protrusion of hard flesh. Something clearly looked wrong down there, besides the obvious hand prints that currently marred my hips.

All the more reasons.

I thought you weren't ready to die!? ... Aha! Oh the pain and suffering! How exciting!

The demon was bluffing. As a master at bluffing, I could tell. And even if he wasn't bluffing, then whatever. I would deal with that later. There was a secret he had yet to tell me of. Neither it nor it's demonic Hell-ruling parent had said that it would live if I died too; I would just go to Hell if I died, so I might as well take the hellion back with me. At this rate, I couldn't be able to even function properly on my own.

How was I supposed to?

Wait! You got this wrong! You're a fighter right? Why are you being so dramatic?

No. I had it very right. How was I supposed to face anyone now? How was I supposed to honestly admit that I, me, an aspiring God, had fallen completely out of the food chain? I was currently the lowest organism on Earth - just some demon carrying bitch. "But I'm scared." I admitted, out loud, finally. There was no one here to hear me though, except the stupid entity and myself. The glass rotated in my left hand to better suit what I was about to do. "I'm fucking scared," it sounded good to say for some strange reason, "you scare me, I scare me, everyone scares me. I just - don't want - to be alone... and scared..."

Wait!

I lowered my hand, exhaling slowly.

I was a fucking coward.

I slit my stomach open hip to hip, just below my navel, a low moan escaping my throat. The pain was different, heavy and thick instead of sharp and piercing like everything that had happened earlier. It was weird, but warm. Blood erupted from the wound when the demon shifted violently around. Fear flared in my chest at the sight, my breath catching as I fully understood what I had done.

Izaya!

So much for all of it's mocking. I let my head roll back, my right hand sliding over the gash, blood instantly coating my fingers. If it didn't matter what happened to me, then why was it panicking? Why was it constantly screaming my name over and over again, cursing me? I glanced to the ceiling, my face creasing in fear and worry. So this was it. The five fears and 'gift' successfully ruined me, convincing me to take my own life.

What was I even supposed to think at this point?

"The louse did something stupid." Shizuo was suddenly growling, and the door handle was being turned, too gently to be Shizuo. "Just open it Shinra, he - he did something, I know."

"Izaya," Shinra called in to me, his voice already sounding tired and strained. He might have been fending of Shizuo, trying to give me some privacy. How nice. "Are you okay?"

I was starting to feel light headed. I fell back against the wall, limbs suddenly going limp. The glass slipped from my hands as I wrapped my fingers over my stomach. The pain was slowly escalating like my emotions were finally pouring through. I was crying again, harder than before, and each sob only added to the blood on my hands.

Okay. Maybe I didn't think this one through.

I suddenly felt sick, like I was going to throw up, but incredibly tired, like I was made of lead and trying to float in water. The demon was still yelling at me, calling my name along with a multitude of curses and slurs. Regret was the next emotion that I processed. If I had fought so hard for so long, then why did I give up now? Better yet, why did I give up on the wrong thing?

I could have just told.

Shizuo was yelling on the other side of the door until he finally just shoved the door open, him and Shinra peeking in..

"Izay – Ah!" Shinra rushed in, dropping down to his knees with his hands raised over me, confusion painted across his face. He suddenly looked so panic stricken that he came across as mad. He slapped my cheek, making sure that I was still alive. "Shizuo! Get Celty to grab my bag now!"

Shizuo was staring at me in horror, and I simply stared back passively. Swearing, he disappeared from the doorway with more worry on his face then I had ever seen.

"Izaya," Shinra was whispering for some reason I couldn't comprehend, his eyebrows scrunching as he gently moved my hands out of the way, eyeing the gash carefully, "Why – what happened?" He eyed the glass lying beside me before glancing over his shoulder at the mirror. "Shit." He quickly grabbed a towel from the stack underneath the sink, instantly pressing it against my abdomen, using one hand to flick the glass further away from me.

I flinched, cringing and squeezing my eyes shut at the pain before forcing them back open. "I'm..."

"Don't you dare close your eyes, Izaya. You got yourself into this mess, and you are staying with me the whole way through." Shinra snapped, quickly glaring at me before the expression softened into worry. I didn't say anything, just looked away.

Shizuo came back immediately with a bag, dropping it beside Shinra as he stood awkwardly in the bathroom. Celty peeked around the corner, but disappeared at the sight of all the blood. Shizuo looked at me, face going pale, before Shinra was yelling at him, "I need you to put pressure on this." He shifted over so that Shizuo could take his place, the blonde awkwardly moving beside him and placing his hands on my stomach. He looked unsure. Very unsure. "Izaya, you need to lie on your back."

As soon as Shizuo was in position, Shinra scooted out of the way and helped me slide to the floor. I held onto his arm a little more tightly then I needed too. The tile was cold and sticky against my back, but it did make breathing a little easier. Some of the pressure was gone. I sighed almost contently, a full headache suddenly hitting me.

"What the hell were you thinking!?" I knew that he was aware that he shouldn't have been yelling, but he did it anyway. Shinra pried his arm out of mine in favor of getting the bleeding to stop. "You realize you can die!? Right!?"

And yet he was still helping me.

Surprisingly, the demon didn't have anything to comment about the situation.

"Shizuo move your hand," I felt the pressure on my stomach shift. Shinra pushed my shirt further up, exposing my visible ribs, before peeling the cloth away from my skin to gauge how bad the wound actually was. Shizuo cringed at the sight, whether it was the wound, the forming bruises, or the ribs, I wasn't sure.

I stared at the ceiling, mind uncomfortably blank.

Shinra clicked his tongue, before rummaging through his bag. "It's not as deep as I thought, but it's still pretty bad. If I do this quick, you'll be fine." He threaded a needle, before returning to hover over me, grabbing a syringe and a small bottle of a clear liquid. I let my head roll to the side, lazily watching him. I wanted to apologize. This was stupid. This was really, really stupid, and if I actually died, I would be kicking myself so hard after. "I'm just going to numb the area, so don't move."

I hummed in compliance, eyes flickering sleepily. My head was still swimming, but my hesitation to die was probably the only thing that had saved me - the only thing that prevented the blade from going in so deep.

That, and Shinra's timing. If the two of them hadn't been here...

"Just a prick," Just as Shinra said, there was a prick in my stomach, and then everything went cold over my left hip. "I'll numb the other side when I get there, I want to start with the deeper part first." For obvious reasons. "Izaya, you need to talk, you need to talk to us." It almost sounded like he was pleading with me.

Tears were still streaking down my face as Shinra ran a cloth over the wound, trying to clean it up so that he could stitch it properly. I couldn't tell if he just wanted me to talk, or is he wanted me to tell. Either way, it was too painful for me to speak. "Shinra," my voice cracked, and I felt a warm hand spread over my stomach reassuringly. I glanced to Shinra's hand, and then back at him, not liking how conflicted he looked.

"Shizuo, talk to him." Shinra kept his hand on me, sanitizing the needle quickly before he got to work.

"Izaya," Shizuo glared before looking awaky, all signs of anger dissipating, clearly flustered. He struggled to form words, but they never left his mouth.

Shinra had the needle ready to go, but he suddenly hesitated, his eyes growing wide.

The demon rolled irritably with a grumble, and the room suddenly got silent. Too silent, and too still.

I glanced up, eyes narrowing because I thought I was dreaming.

Shizuo looked spooked. He had even pulled his hands away from my stomach like something had touched him and was staring. Shinra had absolute bewilderment plastered on his face, before his eyes met mine. He too had raised his hand from my stomach. Was I bleeding that bad? Confused, I glanced down to see what the problem was, just as the demon rolled again.

There was a visible ripple in my skin, the mass clearly shifting with each move the demon made.

I gasped, sitting up even though it hurt and stared at Shinra wide eyed. It's actually! I knew this. I knew there was actually something in my stomach, but for some stupid reason I never considered it to be tangible. To be physical. That I could actually see it. Shinra was the first to recover, waving at Shizuo and frantically catching his attention. "Put pressure back on it! Now!" He glanced back at me, Confusion, bewilderment, betrayal, and excitement all passing through his eyes in the span of a second. "Izaya, just, just -" His hand was starting to tremble, and I know his hands never did. He had to take a deep breath, before starting. "Izaya, just talk, please talk."

I burst into tears.

I couldn't deal with this by myself anymore.

I told him everything.

A/N: So I am never writing/implying rape ever again. -cries- The last angst bomb/plot point has officially been dropped. I feel bad so I will strive to resolve poor Izaya's problems soon.

I appreciate the comments/ support! :D