I shot him an incredulous look. "We what?"

He glared at the TV like it was the most interesting thing in the world. "You're the idiot who wanted to be friends in the first place, back when we met in high school." Which was true. To a degree.

"I believe my words were, 'we could have a lot of fun together'." If he was going to be stupid and specific, then I was also going to be stupid and specific. "I don't see how that translates to 'let's be friends'." I rubbed at my stomach gently, almost possessively. It felt like something was tearing, and no, it wasn't the stitches. The demon didn't make a sound, or move though, which was odd. It hadn't been so still since I had obtained it.

Shizu-chan shot me a glare before huffing and looking away again. "You know? It was just an idea. But of course, you're too much of a fleabag to be friends with anyone!"

Oh how cruel. He wounds me. I almost swooned at the pain that tore through my already crippled heart.

I laughed instead, crossing my arms and whipping my head back to face the TV. His insults were just as terrible as normal. How did he manage to graduate? "Ahaha, that is just fine, Shizu-chan! Plus, I like my friends sharper than an eraser, so if you really want to be my pal or whatever, then you're going to have to do something about that protozoic brain of yours." I tapped my temple mockingly, enjoying the flare of heat to his angry face.

It would never grow old.

He was just too easy to tease!

"Shut up, louse. Last I checked, your brain isn't too healthy either!"

"Ehh? But it's sharp, is it not?"

"Izaaayaaaa! Don't piss me off" He glared over at me. "Obviously this won't work. Because you don't know how to be a good friend. Clearly."

I chuckled. "Because throwing things and yelling at people is more appropriate!"

He was trying to get at something, I knew. But for some reason, I didn't really want us to change.

He growled loudly just like an animal, and then that was it for the rest of the day.

It wasn't until later that evening that Celty came home. Shizu-chan and I had spent the entire day watching television - switching between anime, documentaries, and pro-wrestling - with only a bicker here and there to indicate our irritation. I didn't mind the company, but it wasn't so fantastic, after all. It was basically equivalent to being alone, given how much we spoke to each other.

But it was relaxing, and perfect for healing wounds.

Celty shuffled into the flat almost silently, her step nothing louder than a breath against the carpet. Had it not been for the open and close of the door, I never would have known that she had arrived. I heard her pad into the living room, and had I not, I probably would have jumped just like Shizu-chan did when he noticed her presence. Glancing over my shoulder, I grinned. "Welcome back."

She stopped where she stood in the door way and studied the two of us on her couch, again, obviously suspicious. What would she think if I told her how we had been here all day? And not trying to kill each other? Granted we hadn't really interacted, but minor details.

After the initial shock, Shizuo glanced back at Celty, offering her a warm smile. "How were the streets?" He settled back into his deemed place on the couch, crossing his arms casually and splaying his legs just for the sake of taking up too much space.

She warily made her way over, sitting down on the couch between us. Her phone was slipped from her sleeve, and she held it out to us, quickly tapping away. [Oh, it was so tiresome! Some of these jobs are worse than the ones Izaya has given me!]

"Oh boo," I muttered, looking away. She was exaggerating, and we both knew it.

Shizuo scoffed, obviously believing her. "Any trouble on the streets?"

She glanced to him warily, before typing out her next message. [Yeah, actually. There was a bit of trouble.]

I suddenly yawned, tiredness washing over me. Nothing overly eventful had happened today, but I still felt emotionally drained. And I still had an appointment later that day. Glancing at the clock, Shinra was running late. I could take a nap. But still, Celty was about to give me the scoop of what was going on in the streets, and I couldn't pass that up, could I?

Shizuo was growling underneath his breath, before glancing to his phone. "What kind of trouble?" He asked darkly. I felt excitement run up my spine.

Now that I thought about it, him and Celty were actually really good friends, right? Maybe we could be friends. He sounded so protective, controlling.

Oh how I loved control.

Until you're stripped of it.

I almost hissed at the demon, but I somehow managed to keep it internal. Shut up, you little shit. You've been so quiet lately, cat got your tongue?

There was a snort, dark eyes flicking over to Celty typing up a rather long message, undisturbed by my internal conversation.

No, Izaya. I'm just running out of room.

It sounded breathy for once, like it was suffocating. Just because it was being honest, didn't mean that it was being friendly. There was something dark and threatening about it's words.

I bit my bottom lip. Was that a problem? If it was running out of room, that meant that it was still getting bigger...

I can educate you, if you'd like. A sinister growl followed the statement, and I shuddered. I almost asked it to tell me the worst before I caught Shizuo staring at me.

"Is there a problem, flea?" He asked cautiously, honey eyes never wavering.

I snickered. "No." I said, without hesitating, "now what were you about to explain, Celty?"

She huffed, clearly knowing that I was avoiding some truth, but her message was too long to delete just to pester me. Sagging her shoulders, she placed the device on her lap so that both Shizuo and I could read it.

[I had to do a job for the Yakuza. Shinra warned me to be careful because of everything that had happened with Izaya, but the job was basically to round up all the guys involved with the situation. Apparently Shiki isn't letting them run rampant anymore. But you know how it is. When people see me. I'm a 'monster' and all. I had a list of fifteen people who had to be delivered to Shiki's personal office by tonight, and you can imagine all of the trouble they gave me.]

I raised an eye at the message. So Shiki was cleaning up his mess? Taking responsibility? Did that mean that he was done with me? If he's cleaning up his mess, he might know that I'll gladly remove or terrorize a couple of them. Especially Hajime. I should just cut off his -

"You've got that look flea," Shizuo suddenly snapped, hand falling over Celty's cellphone and gripping it. I glanced up just in time to see him torn between worry and anger.

Both emotions were probably directed at Celty and I.

"What look?" I asked carefully, a small smile gracing my lips.

"That plotting look I hate. You're really gonna go back and fuck with the Yakuza some more, aren't you? After everything they've done? You are not allowed to leave here." Shizuo snapped. My expression suddenly hardened. Who was he to jump to conclusions? Right conclusions, but still. Celty began to frantically type, but he cut her off before she could get any words in. "Not after that little stunt you pulled the other day, Shinra says you're not to be unsupervised."

I narrowed my eyes. Excuse me?

Celty suddenly jabbed an elbow into Shizuo's side, and his face told me everything I needed to know about the situation; why everything had been so casual.

They were pitying me.

I felt a brow twitch. "So here I am finally being honest with you all, and Shinra is still sneaking around my back with information? Is this just like the withheld information he gave me about Celty seeing everything that happened when she saved me? Who does he think he is!? I'm an informant, it's my job to know these things." I snapped, glaring specifically at Celty. I can't be unsupervised? What was I? Two? "What else are you not telling me, and why can't I be unsupervised? Actually, you know what? I thought you all were being too nice and giving me too much space. And you're accusing me of plotting?"

Celty reacted faster than Shizuo. [Izaya, no it's not like that!] She quickly erased her message before frantically typing out another one. [Shinra isn't sneaking around! He's just worried!]

"What's going on?" I demanded. What was with them? I always ended up upsetting Celty, and Shinra always ended up skirting around truths. "Tell me."

"You're on suicide watch." Shizuo blatantly threw the word out there, like it was just another daily occurrence in my life. My glare snapped to him, and suddenly I felt sick. The demon wiggled in pleasure, chuckling happily in my stomach. "Yeah. Because of the other night, he's worried that you might try again."

"D – didn't we already discuss this?" I choked out. Do I look fucking suicidal to you!?

"No, we didn't actually!" Shizuo growled, voice raising. "Because you have yet to talk about anything that has happened!"

"I told you everything!"

"Yeah, that night when you almost died by your own fucking hands, you fucking shitty assed louse! You haven't spoken a word about anything since then! You've been nothing but pathetic teasing and withheld comments!" Shizuo stood up, Celty standing up with him.

[Wait, don't fight! Let's just talk!] She waved the cell at me first, and then tried to convince Shizuo.

He wasn't having any of it.

"Alright, let's talk then." Shizuo snapped. I suddenly felt the hairs on my neck rise as I stood up to join them. I wouldn't be having Shizuo talk even further down to me. I crossed my arms over my chest, a dark glare settling on my face. "I doubt you have anything to say about what happened the other night."

"No, as a matter of fact, right now, I don't." I spit, "I'm much more interested in what the rest of you are thinking. Are you just coddling me like some small child? And then you wonder why I don't accept other people's kindness. It's because you all want something from me!"

[Izaya, calm down! You're over reacting, we're not coddling you or trying to get something from you!] Celty waved the cell, grabbing onto my forearm like I was going to run.

I flinched, shoulder curling inwards to distance her. "Then why are you suddenly talking to me like this?"

"Because you tried to fucking kill yourself," Shizuo approached, getting into my space immediately. Celty didn't let go of my forearm, and I suddenly shifted in a flight stance, trying to pry my limb from her grasps. He was too close, too mad, too aggressive, and I wanted nothing of it. "And given the story you told, Shinra was worried you might try it again. I am too! You're such a nut case on a good day, let alone with fucking demons growing inside you and men beating and fucking you, I'm surprised you're still somewhat sane, and that might actually scare me the most! God, who knows what you're thinking! You used a piece of glass Izaya. Do you remember how many stitches you got!?"

Heat flooded to my face along with an awkward prick at my eyes. "Eh – Fuck you! Shizu-chan! Celty let me go! I'm leaving and going home before I cut this bastard!" I tried to pry my arm away, but Shizuo grabbed onto me instead.

[Izaya, don't go, Shinra's worried about you! That was it, I'm sorry, I should have convinced him to tell you earlier!] She let go of my arm in favor of trying to talk to me.

"Let. Go!" I attempted to kick him, but of course, Shizuo was practically made of steel. Who were they to judge me? "Let me go!"

Told you... no friends... by the end of the week.

The demon chuckled. More blood rushed to my face while Shizuo grabbed onto my other arm, trapping me in his grips. I squeaked, fear suddenly taking over me as that unstoppable force took all of my control. Helplessness inflated the pit in my gut, shame and despair burning my chest. Another stitch popped as I tried to thrash my way out, but only earned myself a bear hug, kicking and screaming. I was yelling at him to let me go, to just leave me be, but he held me tight, growling every time I shifted too hard.

"Fucking brute,"

Shinra came to my rescue. Good, late, Shinra casually walked into the living room in the middle of this commotion.

"What is going on in here!?" There was a blur of white, wild clacking of Celty's cellphone, and then Shinra was prying Shizuo off of me and holding me at arms length. "Izaya? Hey, are you okay?"

"No," I snapped, just realizing that my cheeks were wet with tears. "No, you're lying to me again,"

Shinra blinked in confusion before grabbing my hand. "Excuse us for a minute," he all but dragged me into his office, glass door sliding closed. I awkwardly shifted away from him, finding comfort in the corner of the room where there was no glass, away from prying eyes.

Shinra took a seat in his office chair, glancing over to me worriedly. "Do you mind telling me what happened?"

"I'm on suicide watch!? And Shizuo is yelling at me like I'm doing this on purpose!" I honestly couldn't tell if I was angry or not. There was just some sort of panick welling inside of me that I couldn't push down.

I was probably angry.

Shinra regarded me carefully before smiling gently. If he was trying to comfort me from afar, or gain my trust, he was failing miserably.

The front door suddenly slammed. Great. Shizu-chan was so pissed off that he left.

Good job Izaya.

"Basically, I just want to keep an eye on you." Shinra said quietly. He suddenly stood up when I moved, clearly reading my intent to leave. It was written all over my face, after all. "Wait, wait, you're not on watch, I just want to make sure you're okay. We all do."

"I'm not suicidal." I tried to defend, arms crossing over my chest again. "It was a mistake Shinra. I'm... I'm... It was just a damn mistake!"

He held his hands up in surrender. "I know, I know. And when I said watch I didn't mean for suicidal tendencies, which honestly did cross my mind at first, but you know, there's a twenty-four hour window- hey wait, wait, don't leave! But! Izaya, listen. I was sort of waiting for... this. I didn't want you to leave until after this." He swallowed hard, throat bobbing from the motion as he stood his ground between me and the door. "You danced around the subject, so I decided to give you some time to think about it. But I didn't want you to leave, like last time, and get yourself into more trouble or even try again and succeed so I kept you here, and basically got Shizuo to stay with you. Not that it was hard. Or anything. He actually volunteered – but the point is that you seem to have... refused to acknowledge what has happened."

I was glaring. Face red, heart beating, palms sweating. I once again felt like a cornered animal – which basically was what I had become. "I acknowledged it. I'm acknowledging it." I said sternly, eyes narrowed.

"Then tell me." Shinra kept his neutral expression, shrugging. "I mean, if you can simply say that 'I, Izaya Orihara, attempted suicide a couple of nights ago and have accepted it' then we can stop talking about this."

"I..." I closed my mouth, staring hard. Was he my friend? Is this how friends treat other friends? "I..."

He crossed his arms in exasperation, glancing at me tiredly. "What am I going to do with you?" It was whispered, and he took a couple of steps closer to me, trapping me. "It's fine, if you haven't come to terms with it. The whole problem with coming to terms with things is that people can't do it by themselves. That's why I wanted to talk to about it before I let you leave. Because if I let you leave, you won't talk to anyone and it will influence your actions, just like the shooting and everything else that happened that night. I'm not blaming you either, I just want to help."

I was shaking. Very hard. I could blame all of my fear on one of the five, but this felt a little more... normal. Me. Who was I? This was all coming from inside me. I made a decision based on my logic, and hurt a lot of people, myself included. How often did I admit that I was wrong? Or that I made a -

"It was a mistake." I said suddenly, and back to Hell I'd go if I was begging Shinra to accept that as my answer or acknowledgment or whatever he wanted. I was already whispering. "It was a mistake, and I won't do it again."

He nodded, not moving. "I know it was a mistake, and I know that you know it was a mistake. But do you know why it was a mistake?"

I blinked at him, momentarily confused. Why? "Because it was illogical?" My pitch hit a higher octave, and suddenly I couldn't breathe again, brain going into overdrive. Why was it a mistake? Because I don't want to die? Gaze dancing around the room, I couldn't help but shudder. "It was illogical. It was completely illogical. I have other options to choose to help deal with all of this." I glanced up to Shinra hopefully. "I mean, you can get rid of the demon right? And fears can be conditioned. I can fix it. I can get better." I bit through my bottom lip, eyebrows creasing together. "I can fix this, it can be fixed. And what happened was a mistake because..."

I exhaled slowly, hands going to my face as I slunk into the nearby chair. Shinra moved with me, keeping a comfortable distance. "You don't have to go on." He said quietly.

I blew air through my nose. "No, it was a mistake because... I just..." Didn't I want to change all of this? Become a new person, someone better? Change my fate? Not end up in Hell? Stick up the middle finger to the Devil and skip away when my time rightfully came? I'm going to have to start by telling him. "I felt..." deep breath, "helpless. Scared. Angry, frustrated, annoyed, unsure. I felt controlled, forced. It's terrible. Terrible, Shinra, I wanted to die instead of deal with it, in that moment, after everything was said and done." Shinra sat down, a hand gently patting my shoulder. "So I did it, but it was a mistake because I did it for all of the wrong reasons, but the second I did it, everything felt worse. It was a mistake. I won't do it again. Can we not use the term suicidal anymore?" He was really my only friend, as much as Shizuo wanted to be one.

We were supposed to have these conversations.

Right?

"I won't use that term anymore." Shinra pat my shoulder, sounding terribly... happy? "I'll trip Shizuo if he uses it too. Do you feel better?"

I sighed, weight dispersing from my chest. "Yeah, I guess." I sat up, rubbing at my sore eyes. "I made a big deal out of nothing." Disappointment was my constant friend since the beginning of this chaos.

"What happened anyway?" Shinra asked lightly.

"Shizu-chan..." I chuckled, "Shizu-chan told me I couldn't leave." I started to giggle. "I felt so trapped that I over reacted. Wow, human emotions are terrible!" And I was back to crying, like a pregnant woman with terrible mood swings. "I'm... my apologies... Thank you for saving my life. Again."

I think I made Shinra's day with that last comment. "Ehh!? That's what friends are for! Right? I'm here for you, you're here for me, like with the whole, middle school biology-gambling ring thing? Hey? Yeah? Maybe it's my turn to repay you!"

I chuckled, wiping at my face again. It was so wet, tears everywhere. "Just fix me so I can stop being so emotional. I have a select list of human lives to majorly fuck up before I go on this whole 'get into Heaven and flip off Hell' voyage. I can't get teary eyed at the slightest mention of trouble."

"Well, at least you're still the Izaya I know at heart." Shinra snickered, handing me a tissue from the nearby box. "It is a rare sight. You know, if I was a masochist, then I would – okay, okay, never mind, bad joke!"

If I had my knife, I would have cut him.

"Anyway, if you want me to fix you up real fast, you're going to have to deal with everything that's happened. Use it to your advantage somehow. It can't be a weakness, or a weak spot, especially if you plan to go after those guys. Which I know you'll do. You're still you, after all. Just a little different."

An eyebrow rose. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to like this. "How?"

Shinra shrugged, suddenly finding something interesting on his wall. "Well, first, we should probably talk about the root of the attempted...murder of a demon," it made me happy that he hadn't used the word, "and I think we both know which event triggered that off." He eyed me hesitantly like I was just about to spring.

Was I ready for this? to talk about Hajime and his entire gang, and the van? And everything that happened? "No." I looked away.

He sighed. "We're going to have to talk about this eventually." He sounded cheerful, "and if you keep refusing, then I'll just call your mom. She'll come and talk some sense into you."

If looks could kill, Shinra would be dead for each fear and the gift. "You wouldn't."

He chuckled with a look just a stubborn as mine, before checking his phone. "Oh I would, and we've got to go! We're late! Remember, I said that I got you an appointment tonight?"

Sighing gently, I let it go. "Yeah, let's go."

I felt a little lighter.

When Shinra had said that I had an appointment, I had expected it to be in a normal clinic setting.

Not his father's underground lab.

"Hello, hello, how are you?" Just as excitable as his son, I almost cringed as Shingen eagerly led me over to the examination table. Shinra slowly trickled in behind me, an awkward smile lighting up his face. "Come sit, come sit."

I smiled nicely, following him over to the examination style bed in which he was ushering me to sit down. "Long time no see, Kishitani-san." I said, a smidgen of my old charisma coming back through. I gingerly hopped up and took a seat, hands folding over my lap when I finally sat down comfortably.

"Hello, hello, how are you feeling?" He asked, rolling around on his wheel chair crazier than I would ever dare to.

"Quite well," I said, the formalities doing nothing to ease the anticipation that was clawing at my insides. The demon needed to go, and it needed to go now.

I'm leaving by... my own accord.

Weak. It sounded weak and that made me both happy and concerned at the same time.

"Alright, first things first, how long have you had this little fascinating critter?" Shingen wheeling back over to me now with a clip board, kicking up and standing with a stethoscope ready to go. He gently pressed to to my chest, one hand out for my wrist.

I swallowed dryly before giving him my hand. "About..." I glanced over to Shinra. The weeks and days had just flown by so fast. "A month? Give or take."

Shingen nodded, suddenly letting me go and jotting down some notes on his clipboard. "A month? That's a long time. Okay, lie down for a minute. Where is it sitting?"

I grinned even though I was shaking from nerves. Gently, and slowly, I shifted myself before falling back onto the bed. hands resting gently on the lump in my stomach. "It's sitting right here."

Shingen eyes it curiously before grabbing his stethoscope again. "Alright, let's see if this thing has a heart beat."

My skin prickled as cold air hit it. Shingen slid my shirt up just enough to expose the lump and the nice white gauze patch covering up my biggest mistake. He ignored the guaze, and the small cold surface was pressed against my abdomen. We were silent for a couple of minutes, Shingen shifting around, trying to find any sign of life. After a good five minutes, he gave up, the stethoscope slinging back over his neck.

"So there's no heart beat." He didn't sound disappointed, but I was. Did that mean I couldn't kill it? He grabbed his clip board, quickly jotting down more notes. "I could hear it though. I can't make any conclusions based off of this alone, so we'll do some tests okay? I'll give you a quick check up, I'll take an x-ray, we'll do an echo, and if I feel the need, we'll also do a CAT scan. I'd also like to get a sample of it."

He sounded just like Shinra. I shivered. "Alright."

And we did just that. Forty-five minutes of tests, ending with the echo.

And nothing new to be told.

Shingen was irritably scratching at his chin, the masked part of his chin anyway, staring at the test results. I was back to sitting on the examination bed, Shinra sitting in the chair nearby.

"Hmm, I'm not sure what to make of these." He was staring at the pictures, rotating them curiously. "There's definitely something here. Can I take a biopsy? A sample might help determine what it is made up of."

My stomach growled, the demon not happy about this at all.

"I don't..." Those scales and sharp protrusions could rip me apart if the Demon started thrashing now. "I don't think that's a good idea..." I licked at my dry lips, glancing to Shinra for support.

Shinra sighed, finally standing up. "I think I should get him home. Dad, can you just look at those for now?"

"But why isn't it a good idea? I mean, I poke it, I get physical results. It's a really good thing!"

"Yes, but it's getting bigger, and slower," I said, almost mad, "and it keeps saying that it's running out of room. It sounds like it's suffocating. If you poke me and it freaks, those're my insides that are going to get ripped up."

Shingen glanced over to me, and for once, I really wished he didn't wear that mask so I could see what he was thinking. "It talks?"

Whoops. Apparently Shinra didn't tell him that.

"Let's just call it quits, okay?" Shinra helped me from the bed, ushering me away quickly. He dragged me to the door before stopping. "We're going to go now. Call me when you get an idea of what it is. We can remove it right?"

Shingen spun in his chair, facing Shinra with a hand placed to his chin. "Well, if it's like a baby, then it can be removed. But what worries me is that it's getting so big." He glanced back at the x-ray, holding it up. It showed all of my torso, my organs crammed back here and there, and then a big, black, empty space in my abdomen, before finally there was skin outlining it.

I didn't feel too good anymore.

"It looks just like when I tried to x-ray Celty. There's nothing here." Was it all just in my imagination? "But in the echo's," he whipped out a couple more pictures from his folder, holding them up, "There's something here." Lines and blurs of different shades of grey amongst black coloured the pictures. "It doesn't look like anything I've seen, so yeah, I'll call you when I figured it out. Until then," Shingen eyed me specifically, "don't move around too much. You need to relax and take it easy. If this thing is actually suffocating like you said, then it's going to try and get out if you stress it too much. If anything happens, just call, alright?"

I nodded, hands shaking.

It might claw it's way out.

Shit. That was bad. I placed my hands gently over top of it like the light pressure would encourage it to stay inside. It didn't say anything, and once again, that left me worried. Shinra tapped my shoulder to get me to pay attention, as he turned to take his leave.

Please just wait a bit.

A/N: Sucky chapter I know, but we're close to the end guys! I'm going to say maybe... four more chapters? But knowing me, I'll probably overwrite and then end up with double that.

Anyway, I appreciate your guys' love!

',')/