Chapter six

Baby steps. That's what Davy took during the few weeks that passed. He no longer ate for comfort and he cut back a lot on how much he would fill his plate during regular meals. However, he still struggled to fight through his urges to eat when he was down. The change, though, was the fact that he was starting to turn little by little to the others and find other means of comfort. But even this was a struggle.

The other guys kept a close watch on him during this time. They watched his baby steps both happily and with concern. Even though it had only been a short time, they felt that perhaps he was moving a little too slow in his baby steps. To them, Davy seemed to not care about doing anything about his weight. Even though they were happy to see him try to get better they were concerned that his efforts weren't enough. Because of this, they felt that they should give him a small push, at least as far as his weight was concerned.

Everyone sat down at the table for lunch and watched as Davy fixed his plate. The amount of food he placed on his plate wasn't the issue. It was far less than what they had seen him eat in a while. The issue was what he was putting on his plate, which urged them to provide him with healthier alternatives. At one point, Davy had placed a couple cookies at the side of his plate and Mike snatched them away and replaced them with an apple. Davy frowned and took the cookies back. Micky then replaced them with some grapes.

Fed up over this food swap, Davy huffed and pounded his fist on the table. The clang of his plate and the shake of the table caused the others to jump and look at him in concern.

"I've had enough!" Davy snarled "Why are you guys doing this to me? Why can't you let me eat my lunch in peace?"

Mike frowned "Davy just calm down. We're just helping."

"Helping with what?"

Peter looked at him with nervous uncertainty. "We just thought maybe you could work on your weight and that we could help you start eating better. I mean you're doing well with getting through your depression. You've gotten a lot better. But your weight… I mean you haven't done anything about it."

Davy looked at him, taken aback. He shook a little, struggling through the multitude of mixed emotions. His face fell some and his eyes appeared doe-like. As he shook, his breath was short and staggered. For the first time in the past few weeks, his eyes were glassy with forming tears. He swallowed and pushed back the tears, preparing himself to speak.

"Peter…" he looked at the other two guys "Fellas I… I never asked for this." His voice broke and he covered his face with his hands. "I've been trying so hard to get through this. You have no idea how difficult it actually is for me." He uncovered his face and there was a little wetness at the bottom of his eyes. "I still struggle to hold myself together… but I've been trying. I know I've gotten better. I'm taking baby steps here. But I…" he looked down, placing a hand on his belly.

"I… yeah I'm fat. I hate it. I get that you're concerned about me and about my weight. But please… Please just back off on this. If I'm going to pull through I have to do this my way. Alright? I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. And right now I feel like I'm working on the most important part first. I'll deal with my weight when I'm ready. Alright?" He looked at them with all seriousness in his eyes.

"Ok Davy." Peter said quietly "You're right. We have to let you do this your way. But we're still here to help."

Mike nodded "Yeah. We're sorry about this, Davy. It's just so hard for us to really know what to do to help ya. We're tryin' too."

Micky nodded, looking down at his hands. "We'll stop being a pain in the ass about your weight and let you do things your way. Just please promise that you'll eventually get to your weight. We're not used to seeing you so big."

Micky's comment brought a slight, but genuine smile to Davy's lips. He snickered, shaking his head some. "Micky please. Trust me, I'm going to work on losing weight when I'm ready for it." He placed both hands on his belly. "Do you honestly think I'd want all this to stick around?" This time it was turn for the other guys to laugh.

Mike ruffled up Davy's hair and gave him a playful shove. "Nice to hear some of your humor in there again. And I coulda sworn I saw a trace of a smile too. It's been too long since I last saw that. Hope to keep seeing it."

Davy's cheeks became slightly pinker as his lips couldn't help curling into a smile. It was small, but just enough to qualify as one. "Thanks Mike."

After lunch, Davy took a quiet moment to himself in the bedroom. He took this time to think about things such as how everyone was being so concerned about his weight, and how he felt he was overcoming his need to eat for comfort. He thought about how he had already begun to feel less depressed, even though he knew he had a long way to go.

Davy sat back against the headboard and let out a small sigh. Looking at himself, he placed his hands on his round stomach. He frowned at it and gave it a small shake. It would have been a lie if he said his weight didn't bother him. It did bother him, quite a bit, but it wasn't his priority. He wasn't sure, though, how he should feel over the fact that his friends cared so much about his weight that they tried taking the situation into their own hands. He knew that they were right to be concerned, and it actually made him feel good to know what they did care that much about him. At the same time, however, it frustrated him to realize how much disrespect they showed toward him by determining for him what they thought he needed help with.

Turning his eyes up to the ceiling, he let out a heavy sigh. He tried to shake out these thoughts of what his friends did to him in the kitchen. These thoughts needn't haunt him and affect his mood. Shaking his head, he tried to put his mind on to something much more pleasant to him. The very first thing that came to his mind was his one friend from the hospital, Nurse Cheryl.

Davy sat in his bed, slumped against the wall. His hands rested upon his stomach and his fingers were laced together. Boredom rushed over him and was beginning to make him mad. He was mad that he couldn't do anything about his current state of boredom, and he knew that this state could easily lead him into certain thoughts that he didn't want to have. Terrible thoughts. Menacing thoughts. Life-ending thoughts.

Unable to take it anymore, Davy got out of bed. He wanted to leave the room but couldn't due to hospital rules. His doctor wanted him to stay in his room for observation after a recent "emotional incident." Thinking of this, he began pacing the small room.

As he paced, he grew agitated. He began to feel trapped. He ran his hands through his hair, grabbing and pulling at it. A couple times he stopped pacing, ready to punch at something in front of him. Instead, he stood still and tried calming himself with deep, slow breaths. It was during one of these moments when Nurse Cheryl opened the door to his room.

He looked at her, feeling dead cold and frozen to his spot. He tried to swallow, but his emotional state made it difficult. Sure that she was going to be disappointed in him, he found himself unable to move or even look at her. He closed his eyes and trembled, feeling his breath stagger inside of his chest as he fought a sudden onset of tears.

"Davy?" she asked curiously. "Davy what's the matter?"

Davy swallowed and ran the back of his hand across his closed eyes to wipe away the forming wetness. He opened his mouth and attempted to speak, only to have his voice to come out quiet.

"You're going to be disappointed in me."

"What? Davy why would I be disappointed?"

He shrugged, still unable to look at her. "Because of how I acted yesterday. That outburst in front of my doctor. You saw it."

She sighed and lifted his chin to get him to look at her. "Davy I wouldn't be disappointed in you, especially for that. It's normal if you get emotional like that. You're still coming through that suicidal scare you gave us the other day. I've been worried about you."

"If you're so worried then why do you let my doctor keep me in here? I'm past that…" he looked away

"Your doctor is keeping you in here as a protocol. It's just to be sure you're going to be okay."

Davy shook his head and choked on more tears. "Ok I get that. But all it's doing to me is making me lose my bloody mind by being cooped up in here. If I have to stay in here for however long, could I at least have someone to talk to?"

She looked at him sympathetically. "Come on Davy. You're right." She walked over to his bed and had him sit down. "Davy let me tell you something. You haven't been under observation because of your outburst. You've been under observation because of your suicide attempt. We have to be sure you're emotionally and mentally stable before we can allow you to continue with your regular program here."

Davy kept his head down as he listened to her talk. He knew she was right but it scared him to hear the truth.

"Cheryl…" he swallowed "I haven't talked about that… I've been too scared to talk about it." He looked at her when she took his hands encouragingly. "The thing is, I wasn't trying to kill myself. I mean I didn't want to die. I don't really know what I mean. I guess I did it to see if anyone would care if I was gone. Nobody has been caring about me. The doctors just treat me like any other patient. Other patients have their own problems. You… you're the only one here who cares about me. You're the only one who asks me how I am feeling. You actually take time to talk to me. My friends…" he felt tears come to his eyes again.

"They haven't come to visit me or called me or anything since I've been here. It hurts so bad. They just dumped me off at the hospital and abandoned me. They didn't care at all about me like I thought they did." he started to cry. "They didn't care at all. They completely abandoned me here. Why would they do this?"

"Davy…" Cheryl sighed and wiped his tears away. "I promise you that's not the case. Your friends do care about you very much. They haven't come to visit you, but they do call. But they're not allowed to contact you because they're not immediate family. Trust me, they have been really worried about you since they brought you here."

He looked at her stunned. Even his tears ceased. "What? Not allowed? Why? That doesn't make sense."

She sat quiet, just as stunned as he was. "You do know you're in the mental ward, right?" she watched him blink in surprise and then he looked away full of shame. "Since you were brought here you've been under close watch because of suicidal tendencies. Your risk recently has gone up to suicidal and you've been put in seclusion. Davy, your friends brought you here because they knew about your suicidal tendencies."

"They knew?" he trembled "How? I haven't done anything in front of them."

She sighed a little. "They explained that when they first realized you had become depressed, they learned the signs that could lead to suicide just in case. That's how much they care about you. They wanted to do everything they could to help prevent that outcome because they care."

Davy felt the breath leave his chest as he stared at her in disbelief. He didn't know how to take anything that she admitted to him. For a moment, he sat there, trying to gain his breath back. He looked at her, about to speak but decided against what he was going to say. He relaxed and then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a grateful hug. Two words came out in a whisper as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Thank you."

Coming out of his memory, Davy looked around at the room. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror on the door and then he quickly looked away before he could get disgusted by it. Then he glanced down at himself and his clothes. They were once a bit baggy on him but now they were almost snug. He bit his lip and left the bed, wondering if he had something else to wear that fit him better. He knew that it was a slim chance but he had to try. Right then he figured that he should fix up his appearance a little before leaving the house.

Davy felt a little confidence return as he walked over to the closet. He felt ready to head outside again and perhaps socialize a bit. Besides, it wouldn't be a bad idea to get some fresh air.

After a few minutes of searching through all his clothes, most of them left from before he had gained any weight, he was about to give up. He sighed and scratched his head, still looking at the clothes. Looking through them again, he saw something he had missed the first time. He took the clothes and held them up to him, studying them to see if they would fit.

"Well there's only one way to find out." He said quietly to himself.

He tried on the clothes and was surprised that there was a little room in them. Stepping over to the door, he checked himself out in the mirror. Taken by surprise, he frowned some. Confusion came over him when he realized that he had never seen these clothes before. As he checked them over, he noticed a tag in the sleeve of his shirt.

Peter entered the room and saw Davy studying the clothes in confusion. "Oh!" he chuckled a little "I see you found them. Oh oops…" he grabbed the tag and yanked it off the shirt. "Left the tag."

"Peter where did these come from?"

"We bought them for you. Thought it might help you feel better. We um… we had to guess on your size. How do they fit?"

"They fit fine. Maybe a little big, but not bad. I can't believe you fellas did this."

"Do you like them?"

Davy looked at his clothes again "Yeah. You actually know my taste. I just wish I wasn't in the position to wear such a big size."

"Well you'll lose the weight."

Davy nodded and looked at Peter. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."

"You're welcome Davy." Peter grinned "So what are you going to do today?"

"Um… actually I thought it might be nice to go outside and get some fresh air. I think I'm feeling up to maybe talking to some people again. Might help me to build up my confidence."

Peter nodded "That's a good idea. Would you want any of us to go with you?"

"I wouldn't mind some company." Davy smiled softly.

"Alright I'll let Mike and Micky know. We'll join you."

Davy stepped back and watched as Peter left the room. He already felt a bit better as he looked at his reflection and saw his new clothes. It amazed him that his friends would do such a nice thing for him in order to help him feel better about himself. The new clothes, he knew, was a start but it was a step in the right direction in gaining his confidence back. All he had to do now was go outside and try to socialize. That was going to be a big step, but he knew he had to take it.