Chapter seven

The sun was bright and seemed warmer against Davy's skin than what he remembered. As he stood on the first step off the balcony, he asked himself some questions that he honestly couldn't think of any answers for. How long has it been since he has been outside? Has the sun always been this bright or the air always been this fresh? When was the last time he actually had fun outside of the house? Or any form of fun at all? Was he ready for this?

Davy took a deep breath and tried to erase these questions from his mind. The truth was, he wasn't sure how much confidence he had in himself to make it past the steps. However, he knew that he had to do this if he was going to make it anywhere. He had to do this if he was going to get back to a healthy place within himself. But he knew he needed help moving forward.

Peter came up from behind him and smiled. He patted Davy on the back and gave him a few words of encouragement. This was enough to make Davy smile as well as push himself down to the beach. With Peter close behind, gently guiding him, Davy took every step down to the sand. Once he stepped onto the sand, he released a big sigh of relief for he had made it over the first hurdle.

Step by step, Davy made his way onto the beach, and away from his comfort of home. Soon he managed to join his friends and sat down by the water. As he looked out towards the water, he began to smile contently. Everything was far more beautiful than he remembered. The water sparkled and rippled. The sand was soft and warm over his exposed skin; much softer than it had ever been before. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply through his nose, filling his lungs with the sweet, salty fresh air. With this breath he felt his insides begin to refresh themselves. He felt replenished. All the old, stuffy, bad air from staying inside for so long had left his body and was replaced with a sense of cleansing.

When he opened his eyes, a smile remained in them. He looked up at his friends and felt completely at ease. He felt happy. It had been such a long time of wallowing deep inside of his depression, struggling to break free of his emotional chains that he had no idea he could actually feel happy again. But here he was, sitting in the sand beneath the warm, cleansing sun, and he felt good; he felt like himself.

After sitting for a few minutes, taking in everything, Davy stood. He left his spot and began wandering a bit. In the back of his mind, he knew that his friends were watching him "just in case" but he didn't care. He put that out of his thoughts and moved forward. The truth was, as happy as he was over his friends joining him, he felt like he needed a little time to himself. He didn't want to be alone, nor did he feel the need to clear his mind. He just wanted some time to see if he really was ready to get back into socializing. It was a risk but he had to try.

He hadn't intended on talking to any girls first, but when one came to him, he couldn't turn her down for a conversation. At first it was hard for him to speak to her. His stomach was in knots and he had a hard time looking her in the eyes. His voice was a little quiet and he failed to find the right words or even his natural charm. For just a moment he paused and took time to calm himself. As he did this he imagined that he was talking to Cheryl. This instantly helped him relax and his words were able to flow much easier.

He looked her directly in the eyes and engaged her as he spoke. The knots in his stomach went away. His voice came out much clearer. He was calm. He even smiled and shared a laugh or two with the girl. Once it came time for them to part, he politely thanked her for the conversation and admitted that it was just what he needed.

Once alone, Davy smiled to himself. He looked around the area, brimming with confidence. The first conversation was down in his books and it was quite pleasant. He was happy with how it turned out, and with himself. However, he knew that one conversation wasn't all that he needed in order to be completely well again. He knew it would take a lot more. But he wasn't going to push himself. For the moment, he was satisfied with this thought. He began heading back to where his friends were.

On his way back, he looked up and felt like he was about to hit a brick wall. He saw someone that he had not expected to run into that day. Remembering her as a girl he dated for a little while, he cowered into himself when he knew she was approaching him. Of all the days for him to run into an ex, this had to be the worst. He certainly was not ready for this encounter. The knots returned and were worse than before. He glanced down at his shadow and grimaced over the size and shape of it. He suddenly found himself unable to move, unable to breathe. He started feeling all the dark emotions of his depression creep up on him, making him want to run and hide. But he couldn't run. He couldn't hide. He was trapped. He was going to have to face her.

"Oh my God." A laughing feminine voice rang out as the girl approached him. "Davy don't tell me that's actually you."

She stopped in front of him with a sneer. Laughter was being held back inside her as she stared at him.

"What the hell happened to you?" she snorted, with disgust. "You used to be so thin! Now look at you!"

Davy turned his head down and shoved his hands into his pockets. He suddenly got the urge to apologize to her, even though he had no idea what exactly he was apologizing for. When he spoke to her, his voice squeaked out, barley blocking tears that were already forming. All his previous confidence had been wiped out completely in a single instant.

He kept his head down and swallowed, trying hard to hold his tears at bay. As he listened to her continue to mock him over his weight, he told himself he had to take it. There was no way his body was going to let him leave anyway, and his voice certainly wasn't strong enough to protest. Unsure of what to do with his hands, he took them out of his pockets and crossed his arms to tuck his hands into his armpits. He swallowed what felt like a sharp knife of tears, trying hard to hold on. Still she mocked him and still he took it.

When she finally left, he continued to stand there for a moment. His struggle to hold back tears was reaching its breaking point. He wanted to scream. He wanted to run and hide. He was desperate for comfort. Any comfort. But he was too scared to go seek it. He looked up through tear-blurred vision and saw the rest of the world judging him. Mocking him just as his ex had done.

Davy shook and let out a sob that he couldn't control any longer. Everywhere, people appeared to be judging him. He knew others were ready to make fun of him for his weight. He couldn't take it. Finally, his legs managed to move and he hurried back to where his friends were.

Upon seeing the state Davy was in, they hurried over to him in concern. He couldn't help crying as he told them what had happened. When they reached out to comfort him, he shocked them by pushing them away. As much as he needed his friends, his mind was telling him this wasn't the source of comfort he needed. Davy hurried back to the house, blocking out all attempts his friends made to call him back over to them.

The voices of his inner demons rushed him, attacking him from all sides. Covering his ears only made the voices louder. They screamed at him. They shoved him forward into the house and into the kitchen. Try as he might, Davy struggled to fight against them. The more he struggled the stronger they became. Throughout his entire depression he had never felt more scared or weaker than he did in this one moment. When he reached the refrigerator he felt his battle was lost. He gave in completely and tore open the refrigerator.

Davy sobbed, tears rushing down his face. He grabbed whatever food he could get in his hands and plopped down in front of the refrigerator. Pain filled him the moment he took a bite. His demons surrounded him and took him down into his personal hell. Relapse, he realized, was a harsh place to enter. And one he entered it, he knew it was going to be tough to break out of that place.

For quite some time after his first relapse, Davy struggled to strengthen himself again. Constantly his struggle fell either at not eating for comfort or eating everything in sight. There was no area in between this. After some time of fighting with this, Davy succumbed to his previous depressive state of constant eating. This fall had no certainty whether he would get back up. With this fall he had begun to gain weight again. However, he kept himself in a state of denial towards each pound that he gained.

Each passing day, Davy could not escape the vulnerable, emotional state he had put himself in. He could not escape his feelings. And he could not escape the food that surrounded him. The more that he ate, the worse his emotional struggle became. And the worse his struggle was, the harder it was for him to not eat. He as desperate for comfort and he was desperate to push down or even block out all his emotions, but all of this was an increasingly difficult task.

More and more weight piled on him but he continued to ignore it. His friends stood back and watched him go through all this, unsure of what to do and unaware of just how bad his internal struggle was. He screamed for help, but his friends were unaware of his scream, especially when all he did was push them away, too afraid to accept help.

He was too afraid to let them know of how badly in need of help he really was. He was afraid because he felt like he didn't deserve it; he felt that they would just be disappointed because he was asking them for help. Davy was also too afraid of actually coming out of this state he was in. If he came out of it he knew there would be a cause for another relapse and he would wind up right back in this state. And he didn't think he'd be able to survive another fall.

One day, Peter entered the bedroom and froze when he saw Davy. He silently watched Davy, trying to make sense of what he saw. Even though he wanted to help, he didn't have any idea what to do. He watched as Davy began shaking, panting slightly as he struggled to hold himself together.

Davy was coming down to the last of his food and he whimpered, trying to hold himself together over this discovery. Tears were fighting with him for dominance. Pain and fear clung to him. Davy covered his face with his hands and struggled against everything. He was breaking down. He knew Peter was there, watching him go through this. That made his struggle worse. He tried with all he had to ignore Peter and carry on with his struggle. A few times he reached for a piece of food but pulled his hand back while simultaneously shaking with pained tears.

As Peter watched this, he made a grave realization. He knew then that Davy didn't want to eat any more. He could see Davy fighting against his urges to eat the rest of his food. He knew then that Davy was fighting hard against all this; he was fighting to help himself but it was a battle he was destined to lose at any moment. Peter knew then how desperate Davy was for help. Davy was trying so hard to be sane again, to be well all on his own but this was only breaking him more.

Peter knew it was time to step in. He went over to Davy's bed and shoved the rest of the food away from his friend. He then wrapped his arms around Davy and held him as close as he could. This snapped Davy back into some form of reality. It also caused Davy to finally release all his tears that had been building up inside of him. Peter held him and rubbed his back, whispering to him that everything was going to be okay. He didn't know how, or what it would take, or even how long it would take, but Peter was sure that Davy was finally going to get better. The truth was clear. Davy had finally reached his rock bottom.