"Now you will tell me if I've forgotten anyone, won't you?" Nimweh checked.
"Well, Camilla for one," Gonzo said immediately. Rowlf nudged him in the ribs.
"Ah yes, I remember now."
Nimweh clicked her fingers once, twice, and a bedraggled ball of feathers, blue feathers plummet from the ceiling and crash into the ground. Sam the Eagle stood up looking dishevelled and bothered (even more than he usually did) with a bundle of white feathers in his arms. He plonked the feathery package into Gonzo's arms.
"I believe this is yours," he declared.
"Camilla!" Gonzo cried. "You haven't kicked the bucket after all!"
Camilla clucked in a questioning tone. And Gonzo explained everything that had happened in the previous chapter. (Which I won't repeat because it would be boring)
"Now, where the heck am I?" Sam asked no-one in particular, looking around in bewilderment.
"Oh, wait," Nimweh said. "I've had a brainstorm."
She clicked her fingers once, twice, three times and, you guessed it, three people plummeted from the ceiling. Two scientists and one chef. Then a blue saxophone player.
"Oh and Miss Piggy, what about your friends from 'Pigs in Space'?"
"Oh great," Miss Piggy muttered under her breath.
So soon, two pig astronauts had joined the group. Also known as, two complete idiots.
"Just when I thought I'd had a break from them," Miss Piggy complained.
"You'll never have a break from us!" Link Hogthrob declared.
"What if I chop you both in half?" Miss Piggy asked. "That would be a break."
"OK," Nimweh said. "Is that everyone?" (Seriously, is it everyone? Comment if I've missed anyone!)
"Now that you're all here, I'll take this opportunity to show you all the ropes."
"The ropes?" Gonzo said. "Are you going to tie us up?"
"ROPES! ROPES!" Animal yelled.
"Hurgy burgy schmurg," The Swedish Chef declared.
"Mee mee meep," Beaker added.
"Noisy bunch aren't you all?" Nimweh declared. She turned to the quietest of the bunch which just so happened to be Walter. "You couldn't tell me how to shut them up could you?"
"Oh, I find this tends to work," Walter said. Suddenly, he let out such a piercing whistle that everyone stopped talking and clapped their hands over their ears.
"Thank you. Now for all of you who weren't here earlier, my name is Nimweh Umbreai and this is my pet shape-shifter Yami. I am the Lord of the Death Relic Realm which is where you all are now-"
Nimweh was interrupted by Fozzie.
"Lord?" he repeated. "But…you're a woman."
Nimweh narrowed her one green eye. "Keenly observed Mr Bear," she said.
"I think what Fozzie's trying to say," Kermit said. "Is that, you can't be a Lord if you're a woman, surely you should be a Lady?"
Nimweh made a sound of disgust. "Lady is such a limp title for someone of my standards," she said. "Now are you going to listen or should I just disappear and leave you on your own?"
"You can do that?" Walter asked.
Nimweh sighed and clapped her hands. She and Yami vanished into thin air.
"Now look what you've done!" Rowlf snapped.
Miss Piggy aimed for another smack similar to the one she'd given Gonzo but Walter dodged.
Nimweh re-appeared. "You were asking for that one, but I'm not that cruel," she said.
She clapped her hands again but this time, the lights came on. Everyone groaned and covered their eyes. After they had recovered, they looked around and saw loads of statues, mostly made of china but some made of glass, plaster, plastic and indescribable, breakable-looking materials.
Walter found one, and picked it up. "Hey look!" he called to the others. "It's you, Kermit!"
"Me?"
The glass statue did resemble surprising likeness to the frog. Kermit studied it carefully, he was impressed.
"And guess who I've found!" Fozzie cried holding up a statue of himself.
"Are they…us?" Scooter asked.
"Indeed," Nimweh said. "Every one of you is here, as a relic. It's all very organised you see. Here is the main Muppets, over there are villains and on the other side are extras."
"So, everyone's here?" Gonzo asked.
"Everyone you've ever met."
Suddenly, something clicked in Robin's mind. "Relic…like in the name! The Death Relic Realm!" he cried triumphantly. "But what I don't understand is the Death part, what's that all about?"
"Ah, that bit isn't so nice," Nimweh said. "You see, if you break one of these statues, then the person that it is of, will die."
There was silence.
Suddenly, Miss Piggy went: "Pffffft!"
"What rubbish!" she cried. She charged over to the Villains section, picked up a plaster statue that looked like Constantine, the evil frog and threw it to the ground. It smashed into pieces.
Hey, I've had a mad idea to update this and make a scene-cut to Constantine and Dominic.
Things weren't going swimmingly as far as Constantine and Dominic was concerned. They were trying to break into the museum by lowering Constantine in through the hole in the ceiling with a rope.
But the rope was swinging around like mad. Constantine would have turned green if he wasn't already. He reached up and grabbed to rope in the hope that it would still its swaying. But there was a problem. The rope was thinning in his hands, this wasn't good!
"Number Two! Number Two!" Constantine called. "Dominic!"
Dominic nearly dropped the rope in surprise. He never called him by his proper name!
"What's up?" he called back down the hole.
"Something's wrong! The rope! It-"
But before he could finish his sentence, there was a snap, a scream, and a thump.
"Constantine?" The rope came away in Dominic's hands. "Buddy?"
He chucked the rope away and peered down the hole.
"Constantine!"
Inside was dark, but there was no mistaking the green heap on the floor below the hole.
And back to the Death Relic Realm,
Nimweh was grinning. "Temper, temper, Miss Piggy," she said. "Here's something you might want to see."
A television set appeared out of no-where and 'Muppet News' flashed onto the screen.
"Muppet Newsflash!" the Muppet Newsman cried. "Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog was found dead at 2:00 this afternoon. It appears he was trying to break into the museum when his suspending rope snapped and he fell to the ground, breaking his neck."
Miss Piggy staggered backwards a couple of steps. "What have I done?" she whispered.
Link pointed a shaking finger at Miss Piggy. "Miss Piggy's a murderer!"
Kermit looked daggers at him. "Piggy is not a murderer!" he snapped.
"Am I?" Miss Piggy asked. Her blue eyes filled with tears.
Kermit had only seen Miss Piggy cry a couple of times and he couldn't bear it when she did. He put his arm around her. "Of course you're not," he said. "You didn't mean any harm."
"But…but the statue…I smashed it. I didn't mean to…I mean…I was just trying to prove a point…and…"
Fozzie took a step backwards, not wanting to get involved. Then another, then one too many. His back nudged a pedestal with a statue on it and the china relic fell and smashed on the ground.
"Fozzie, no!" Kermit cried.
"Oh, what have I done, what have I done, what have I done?!"
"Whose statue is it?"
Walter went to inspect the remains but before he could, Scooter gave a cry.
"Chief! Help!"
Scooter started fading slowly into non-existence.
"Do I need to tell you whose statue that was?" Nimweh said.
"Scooter!" Kermit cried.
Scooter vanished. Nimweh grinned evilly. Fozzie started crying.
"It's my fault, it's my fault, it's all my fault!" he whimpered.
Kermit looked at Nimweh, and suddenly he saw red.
He marched up to her and said: "How could you? How could you do any of this? I ought to find your statue and smash it to tiny pieces."
Nimweh just laughed. "You really think I would be foolish enough to make a relic of myself?" She looked at Fozzie, then at Miss Piggy. "Oh, alright, just this once, I'll bring him back. But I'm not doing it again so you'd better be more careful next time."
"Oh, thank you!" Fozzie exclaimed.
Scooter re-appeared and Kermit went to calm Fozzie down.
"It's alright, Fozzie," he said. "That was a bit foolish but Scooter's fine and I forgive you."
Fozzie wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "I think this Death Relic place is getting to my head," he said.
"Yeah, you're not the only one," Kermit sighed.