"Bad night?" He asked, speaking more than he normally ever did. I realized he was probably talking to me to distract me from something, but I didn't really care at the moment.
"You could say that. I've got eight more hours to be pissed before I go home and act happy." I scoffed. I suddenly realized I'd said more than I should have. Lowman raised his brow.
"Damn. It's sad when you'd rather be here than home." He said, shaking his head. I couldn't have agreed with him more. I pulled a desk draw open and tossed a sandwich on the desk.
"If I give you that will you leave me alone?" I asked, hoping he'd go away before I said more than I should again. He picked it up and sniffed it before tossing it back on the desk.
"The fuck is that shit?" He asked, snarling at the sandwich like it'd hit him. I laughed and tossed it in the garbage can.
"Vegemite, my boyfriend thinks I like it just because I'm from Australia. I hate the stuff." I said with a grimace as I realized I spoke too much, yet again. Lowman cocked his head to the side a little and narrowed his eyes.
"Boyfriend or fiancé?" He asked with an amused expression. I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head.
"It's really none of your business. Don't you need to be doing something?" I snapped, turning my attention back to the computer screen. Lowman laughed and headed off. The computer froze up and I picked up the keyboard and slammed it back down, more out of frustration than any type of attempt to fix it.
I looked out across the dayroom and realized that Lowman did nothing to help my frustration. The way his tattoos flowed down from underneath his shirt and the way his muscles moved when he walked stirred me up. I shook my head and shoved away from the desk as I called for a break on the radio.
A few minutes later, Wright walked through the door and jingled his keys at me. I rolled my eyes and headed out of the unit quickly, acutely aware that Lowman was watching me the whole time.
"You think she knows slamming stuff doesn't fix the computer?" Juice asked with a laugh after Recker left the unit. I shrugged and turned back to the card game Clay and Bobby were playing. The whole time I'd talked to Recker, Clay had been on a burner cell phone over in the corner. The cameras couldn't see there, but it would have been obvious to any CO had they looked around.
We were wasting time as much as we could. Whether it was card games or basketball at recreation, we tried to stay busy. The less you do, the more you think about being inside. Ma had sent me another letter, to which I was actually planning on writing back just to kill time.
Count and lockdown came and went and Recker was still on post, over fourteen hours since she'd gotten there this morning. Tig was sawing logs below me as I stuffed the letter in the envelope and hopped down from my bunk quietly. I thought about waiting until the morning to put it in the mail, but I wanted to see her.
I ran one of Tig's clean socks between the door and the frame and pushed once it got over the lock. The door popped open easily, even though it put a huge hole in his sock. I tossed it back onto his chair and swore to buy him another pair so he wouldn't bitch too much. Recker was sitting at the desk, clicking the mouse over and over. The lack of attention she was paying ticked me off. It could easily get her hurt in here.
I dropped the letter in the mailbox and made my way across the day room. I stood in front of her desk silently for at least five minutes before she noticed. She jumped back and covered her mouth to keep the yelp from echoing. I narrowed my eyes and nodded.
"Maybe you should pay more attention. I could have killed you and gone back to bed already." I said as her breathing slowed down a little. She stood up quickly and looked around.
"What, how are you even out? Where's your fucking shirt?" She asked, staring at my bare chest. I smirked.
"Doors don't do much. Why are you staring at me?" I asked with a small growl. The way her eyes moved over me made me want to bend her over the desk.
"I'm not." She lied, looking up towards my cell. I laughed and sat down on the edge of the desk. It looked like she was trying to decide whether to yell at me or not. She ended up sitting back down in the chair.
"I'm not gonna hurt you." I said, realizing I may have been scaring her. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned back.
"I didn't think you were going to. You know we have cameras." She said, gesturing up towards the camera to the right. I nodded.
"Yeah, but they can't see over here and they don't watch them much at night." I said honestly. Recker hitched a shoulder and sighed.
"You're staring." She said with a hint of a smile. I nodded silently. She laughed and leaned forward.
"Please go back to bed. I can't deal with this right now." She said lightly. Her expression threw me off. She didn't look annoyed or worried, she looked sad. I turned my head a little and looked at her from the corner of my eye.
"Sure." I threw over my shoulder as I headed back upstairs to the cell. I hadn't meant to talk to her. All I was planning on doing was mailing the letter to Ma and getting back in the cell after taking a quick look at her. I was kind of glad I didn't.
"Sweetheart, have you seen my tie?" Declan called from the bedroom. I was waiting for him to finish getting dressed so we could go have brunch with my future in-laws, again. I stood up from the couch and walked straight into his closet and pulled it out of the drawer it was always in.
"You can't even find anything when it's in the right place." I said with a light tone as he tied it quickly. He gave me a shrug and grabbed his sport coat before ushering me out of the door as if I was why we were going to be late.
"Declan, your father and I were starting to worry you'd been in some horrific accident!" Declan's mother, Pamela Frost said as she pulled her son into her arms. She let him go and gave me an obviously forced smile.
"Nice you could take the time off from that horrid job this week, Katerina." Pamela threw over her shoulder as she led Declan and I back to their normal table. As usual, we were eating at the Frost's favorite restaurant, which happened to be the country club they always bragged about.
"I hope you don't mind I ordered you water, Katerina. I figured with the wedding coming up you'd want to make sure to fit in that dress." Pamela said, gesturing towards the water in front of what would be my seat. She always sat Declan and I across from one another so I was stuck between her and Teddy.
The waiter came and took our orders as soon as Declan and I were seated. I ordered a waffle just to spite Pamela's assumption I needed to lose weight. Pamela prided herself in being a former Ms. California contestant and always had an opinion about my weight.
According to Pamela, if you weren't rail thin with no ass or boobs, you were obese. I happened to like how my body looked, even if it wasn't getting me any action any more. I trained at least four days a week in either boxing or yoga, so I stayed toned and healthy. Of course Pamela saw muscle as fat and I'd given up trying to educate her long ago.
"So, Katerina, Declan tells me you've been looking in to finishing your degree." Teddy said with a smile. I glanced over at Declan before shaking my head.
"I thought about it, but it's not something I have time for right now. Between work, the gym, and planning the wedding, I barely have time to sleep." I said with an honest laugh. Teddy shook his head as he swallowed down some coffee.
"Teddy, leave it alone. Once she and Declan have children, she'll be at home with the babies. What since is wasting money on a degree she'll never use?" Pamela said with a tickled laugh. I shot Declan a look.
"Mom, I told you. Katerina wants to work. She doesn't have to stay home with the kids." Declan said as he took his mother's hand in his. I wanted to revise his statement to make a point that I wasn't sure about children, but my phone started vibrating.
"I'm sorry, I have to take this. It's work." I excused myself from the table and walked out on the patio. I looked around and realized my dress was probably two inches shorter than any one else's.
"Recker." I said as I answered the call. I could hear some alarms in the background and people barking orders.
"Recker! I know it's your day off but I was really needing to leave early. You think you could cover for me?" Wright's voice pleaded. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, even though he couldn't see me.
"No, Wright I'm sorry. I've got family stuff all day." I was only half lying. After brunch, Declan and I were going to the movies and then I was going to the gym for a few hours. Wright groaned.
"Alright, I'll try calling somebody else. I miss this date and I'm blaming you." He said with a laugh. I forced a laugh and ended the call.
"Did a prisoner escape?" Declan said with a teasing smile. I laughed and shook my head as I took my seat. Pamela looked down her nose at me. We finished brunch with less talk about me and more talk about Declan and some development deal, much to my relief.
"Could we not do that again for at least a couple weeks?" I asked Declan with a relived smile after we closed the car doors. He laughed and took my hand in his.
"Well, at least for a week. I'm sorry they're pushy with you. They only want the best for the both of us. I love you, Kat." He kissed the back of my hand lightly before pulling out of the parking lot.
"I am very much my own person, love. Let's just go watch the movie and be us again." I said as I leaned closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder. I was tired of people trying to change me. I just wanted to be loved by the man I met at the coffee shop.
"You think it'd be weird if I wrote a croweater?" Tig asked the table as we sat down for chow. I nodded silently and the others laughed.
"Which one would you write anyway?" Juice asked with a full mouth of what we were told was meatloaf. Personally, I thought it looked a lot more like emu meat.
"I don't know. Could just mail it to the clubhouse addressed to blonde croweater. One of them would get it." Tig said with a shrug as he surveyed the room.
"Looking for something?" I asked, alarmed by his darting eyes. Protected by brown or not, I wasn't letting my guard down that much. Tig shook his head and waved it off.
"Nah man, just hoping to see blondie. Starting to forget what she looks like." Tig said with a dejected face. I shook my head and went back to stabbing my emu. If I didn't get some actual protein I was going to get soft, which pissed me off.
"You know Wright's trying to hit that." Juice said like a gossipy old woman. Bobby and Tig ate it up as Clay and I were forced to listen.
"Seriously? She's not just out of his league, they aren't even playing the same game." Tig said with a laugh as he aimed a disgusted look across the room at Wright. Bobby laughed loudly, drawing some attention from neighboring tables and guards.
"Shut it. You sound like old ladies instead of Sons." Clay said curtly. The table fell quiet as the insult sunk in. I was glad they quit talking about Wright and Recker. The mental image didn't sit right with me at all.
"The fuck are you lookin at?" I asked a skinhead as he walked by our table towards the end of chow. A smile started curling at the corner of his lips, causing my grip to tighten around my fork.
"Leave it, Hap. We got enough shit going on without you getting thrown in the hole or catching new charges." Clay said with a frustration in his voice. I tossed the fork down on the metal tray and listened as he filled us in about the IRA shipments and other business beyond the walls.
In a way, it felt good to think about something past the fence. It reminded me that we still had brothers and charters busting their asses so we had something to come home to. On the other hand, it also reminded me that I wasn't part of it.
The only thing that really got my mind off of being locked up was Recker. It started off as a nice set of tits and ass to look at, but she wasn't bad to talk to either. None of the club knew about the visits I made after lockdown; partly because I didn't want to hear shit and partly because if Clay knew, he'd try to use her as an asset.
Days when Recker didn't work were the hardest to get through. Instead of looking forward to eye fucking her, I got frustrated and started yearning for a fight. That's the type of shit that got you hurt or new charges doing time. As Clay pointed out, I didn't need to do either.
So, instead I would shoot hoops with Tig or lift weights with Juice and Clay until I was worn out. Then, after chow and count, I'd sleep as much as possible. The only time I really stayed out in the dayroom when Recker wasn't on post was when Clay called a meeting. Other than that, I tried to sleep my time away.
A couple weeks after the first night I popped out of the cell, I noticed Recker starting to work more and more. No one complained, considering she wasn't a hardass, but I started wondering why. By the looks of the rock on her finger, she didn't need the money. Eventually, I stopped asking myself why the fuck it mattered to me and just let it be.