Blake had killed seven people in her career with the FBI. Six men and one woman. She had done so with no remorse, no second thoughts. She didn't believe in either karma or ghosts… or God. She believed in the law. And the law said that if she killed her husband she would not only lose her job, her title and her identity. She would also lose her freedom, what little of it she had.

But if she killed herself on the other hand, she would lose her very life… but she would finally get to rest. No more lies to tell and keep track of. No more pain. No more fear. Never worry about being revealed as weak and pathetic; just another one of those abused wives they ran into all the time. No one would have to look at her with sympathy.

And a gun promised a quick death, although far from a clean one. She supposed she could take sleeping pills and alcohol instead, to avoid the mess, but she had seen enough cases where that wasn't enough, and becoming a vegetable would be a fate far worse than death.

She traced her fingertips over the barrel of her gun and wondered what it felt like to have a loaded gun into your mouth and keep your finger on the trigger. To know that there was only a little bit of pressure that separated you from death and whatever lay beyond - mere darkness, according to Blake's personal belief.

Someone knocked on the door. Her stomach jolted in a unrealistic expectation that it was him. That he had followed her here to put an end to it. His end.

"Who is it?" she called out.

"It's me," JJ's voice replied.

"Hang on, I just got out of the shower. Let me just put some clothes on," Blake said in a fake cheery voice and put the gun away. She wouldn't want to let JJ see her play with it, and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off it given how she felt right now.

As she opened the door, she knew right away that she was in trouble. The grave look on JJ's face was not related to the case, she just knew it. Call it female intuition if you like.

"Alex, we need to talk."

"About what?"

"Let me in."

Blake hesitated.

"I'm not going to shut up, so if you don't want to let me in I'm going to stand right here and talk, and I don't think you want others to hear your secret."

"That's enough!" Blake hissed between her teeth and pushed JJ inside. "God damnit, what's wrong with you?!"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with me," JJ said, and Blake could hear sadness in her voice. Sadness, huh?

Oh this gotta be good, she thought. Now she's going to tell me how disappointed she is to find out that I'm so weak. She's going to ask me if I enjoy being beaten; if that's the matter with me. If I enjoy writhing on my own living room floor, coughing up blood and wondering just what he broke inside me, wondering if this will be the day that I die. What woman doesn't enjoy that kind of tension in her everyday life?

"I'm terrified," JJ said and for a moment Blake's mind went completely blank. She couldn't possibly be talking about the same thing Rossi had brought up earlier.

"What?"

"I'm terrified of you getting hurt again, Alex. Maybe we all should have seen it sooner, but you have been very good at hiding the signs. The important thing is that we see it now and we're going to protect you."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about!" she half shouted, half laughed. "This is ridiculous! I don't know what kind of signs you think you might have spotted, but it's all in your head!"

JJ stood still and let her finish. Alex was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling, and her complexion was feverish. JJ had never seen her so angry before, but the anger was sparked by a complete different emotion. Fear.

"Alex, I had Garcia check your medical history."

The colour drained from Blake's face as if someone had turned a switch.

"No," she exhaled and sat down on the bed. If the bed hadn't been there she would have sat down anyway - it was a matter of either sitting down or fainting. "You can't do that. That's a serious violation of privacy."

"Yes, it is. And that black eye you have? That's not a violation?"

At first JJ thought Blake would keep her stone face on and simply throw her out, by force if necessary. Then her eyes glazed over. Then her lower lip began to tremble. Her nostrils flared as she began to sob. And then the entire façade came crashing down as the tears overflowed her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.

JJ opened her arms and Blake walked straight into the embrace and cried.

With the flow of tears, her soul washed out years of bottled up terror, self-hatred and frustration. At first, the crying was so intense she nearly feared she would drown in her own tears, but little by little the rainstorm turned into a drizzle, and after perhaps ten minutes or so, she was left with hiccups and sniffling. Her face was swollen, her eyelids puffy, her nose runny and she was utterly exhausted. But relieved.

"You're not going back to him," JJ assured her. "Never. Okay? When we get back, you come home with me."

Blake shook her head.

"I can't. JJ, he would find me and he wouldn't care who he'd hurt to get to me. You have a family, I can't put you at risk."

"It's alright, he won't get that far."

"No! I will not go with you and put your son's life in jeopardy, do you hear me?! I'd rather go back to him and I would do that before I let anyone else risk their lives, is that clear?"

"Alright," JJ said, knowing that Garcia would open her home to Blake, as would the others. Though she would probably be less inclined to stay with either of the male agents, but at least there were more options.

"You know what, why don't you get a good night's sleep and we'll talk about it in the morning?"

Blake nodded. Sleep sounded amazing.

"Can I get you anything?"

"A sandwich? Or anything will do, I haven't eaten since lunch."

"You know, I saw there's a Subway restaurant right next to the hotel, I could go there and pick something up for you."

"Would you?" Blake felt like she would start crying all over again at this kind gesture.

"Sure. Same order you always get when we eat there?" JJ asked.

"Yeah, thank you." She wiped her face with her sleeve. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. Sit tight. I'll be back in a little while."

As JJ left, Blake leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. She hadn't felt so secure or relaxed in years.

When JJ returned, Blake was fast asleep. So JJ wrapped the sandwich and put it in the mini fridge, then pulled up a blanket over the older woman's body, taking care not to rouse her from the healing sleep, and then left her alone.

A/N

So far, so good… but it ain't over yet.

Review if you like! Thank you for reading! :D