"I must say I never quite believed that story about the nightstand," Hotch sighed after JJ and Rossi had gathered the team and revealed their colleague's secret. "However I'm afraid I bought all her previous explanations without questioning them."

"So did I," JJ said. "So did all of us, right guys?"

They nodded, looking slightly shame-faced. They probably should have known; noticing the smallest of clues was what they worked with every day, but in this case they had been clueless.

"That son of a bitch," Morgan growled. Reid only shook his head, looking pale and worried. Some discussions he had had with Blake suddenly made sense; it was nothing that could be deemed too alarming in and of itself, but when you combined all pieces of the puzzle it was clear as day that Blake was terrified of the one person she loved the most, and that she had been leaking leads about it the entire time.

"Where is Blake now?" Morgan continued.

"Asleep. Poor thing was completely cried-out. Listen, there is a risk that James devolves and attacks people outside of the home; especially if he suspects that anyone is standing in his way. She refused to allow me to take her in because she's afraid he'll try to hurt Henry."

"Do you think he would?"

JJ hid her face in her hands and sighed. "I don't know. It could be nothing more than disaster-thoughts; Alex is really ashamed and she's afraid she'd be the cause of someone else getting hurt. It may be nothing more than just that; her fear. But there is a chance… we've seen it before."

"Scorned men determined to get their revenge on the woman who left, and on everyone trying to stop them. Yes," Rossi nodded. "Have any of you really met James?"

"I've seen him from a distance a few times when he's been picking her up, but that's all," Reid said. "Sorry guys."

"So all we have to go on is what she has told us about him, which isn't a lot," Hotch said.

"Blake isn't exactly known for sharing her personal life with us," Morgan muttered. "And now I can see why. She must be afraid we're going to think of her as weak. The last thing she wants is to be pitied."

"Then let's make sure we don't pity her, but we still need to keep her safe."

"I think she's contemplating suicide," said Reid all of a sudden. Everyone fell silent and stared at him as if he had suddenly grown an extra head.

"What makes you say that?" JJ asked. Her voice nearly cracked. Images of losing her sister flowed her mind uninvited and she had to struggle to keep herself levelled and not begin to cry.

"Lately she has talked a lot about, you know, spiritual stuff, like the afterlife and what would happen. I did find it odd because she's not religious, but I supposed it had something to do with perhaps a sick relative or something… I didn't want to pry, so I didn't ask. And I have noticed that she's often touching her gun, not just as if to see it's still in place, but almost as if she… wants to use it."

JJ paled. She was very still for a moment, nearly frozen, then she stood.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to take her gun away."

"JJ, she can't work the case if she's not armed."

"She'll get it back tomorrow morning, but I am not going to allow her to have access to it when she's alone," JJ snapped and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

She strode down the corridor until she reached Blake's room, and she had to take several deep breaths and calm down before she could bring herself to open the door.

Please don't let her be awake, she begged. Please don't make me explain myself to her.

She snuck in and found the gun on the floor next to the bed. It wasn't in the holster. Cold fingers of fear gripped around JJ's heart; she hadn't heard any gunshots fired, but her mind kept insisting that…

Alex whined in her sleep and JJ nearly screamed at the sound. Her heart was pounding when she bent down to pick up the gun. She had just gotten ready to sneak back out when Alex sobbed in her sleep;

"Please James, not the baby… please, honey, please, not the baby…"

JJ felt tears burn in her own eyes and she blinked them away.

"It's okay Alex, he's not going to hurt you again. You're safe," she whispered. For a moment, Blake's sobbing continued, then she seemed to relax.

"Safe," she murmured and sighed deeply, then turned over on her other side and was still. JJ watched her for almost a full minute, but her breathing had evened out and her body was relaxed. Hopefully the nightmares would leave her alone for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Blake woke up and felt more rested than she had in years. It would seem the Catholics were right; confessing is good for your soul. She couldn't remember her dreams, only that they had been dark and disturbing at first, but then a feeling of being protected had chased the shadows away.

She got out of bed and reached for her overnight bag - she had fallen asleep fully clothed last night and really needed to change - only to freeze in the middle of the movement. Her gun was gone. The holster was empty.

Was he here? Had he been sneaking in while she was sleeping, taken the gun… was he in the room right now? Armed?

"James?"

Nobody answered, but of course he wouldn't be so stupid as to reveal himself.

You're paranoid, she told herself firmly, but her mind seemed to flutter around like a trapped bird, refusing to understand the meaning of the word.

Where is he-where is he-oh my God-where is he?

She knew she could have leapt for the door, but her weapon was her responsibility, she couldn't risk him hurting innocent people with it if it came down to that.

Someone knocked on the door, and a squeak - not even a scream - escaped her.

"Blake? We're going down to breakfast now, wanna join us?"

It was Derek.

"Yeah… yeah, I'll be right down…"

"Oh, and if you're looking for your gun, JJ took it last night. Long story. We'll talk over breakfast, okay?"

She nodded, realised that he couldn't hear that, and managed to get a choked "okay" out. She could hear his footsteps as he walked away, and she leaned against the door, slowly sliding down into a sitting position.

I wish I were dead.

A/N

Yeah, while I can see Blake in an abusive marriage, even I think her being suicidal is a little OOC. But… well. That's the way this story goes, apparently. ^^