Once she had calmed herself down and made sure Blake was deep asleep, JJ stepped outside for a moment to speak with Rossi. He approached her in the hotel corridor with a look of pure shock written all over his face.

"JJ, you're not going to believe this," he said. "There is nothing wrong with her gun. It's loaded. Nothing is jammed. By all accounts it should have fired."

"So why didn't it?"

He only looked at her without saying a word. He didn't know. There was no logical reason. JJ closed her eyes.

"I know Alex doesn't believe in God, but I think I do now," she said.

"Yeah. What do we do now? This must be reported, and we cannot have a suicidal agent on the field."

"Does anyone need to know about this? I think that might be the final straw for her; she can't take any more right now."

"I think so too," Rossi sighed. "But it would be dangerous, not only for her but for all of us, to have her on field duty until she gets past this."

"Is there a way to assign her to desk duty without telling on her?"

"If she asks for it out of free will, I suppose. But…"

"… she never would. Too proud. Damn it. So what happens now?"

"I'll talk to her one on one on the plane. See if I can persuade her to apply for desk duty for a few weeks, or trick her into doing so if I have to."

"And if she won't?"

He sighed once more.

"Then it will up to Hotch to make the call."

Blake sat by herself in the back of the plane, reading a paperback novel about someone who apparently had control issues even worse than she did.

I even failed at dying, she thought. How much more of a failure can one person be?

"Morning, Alex. May I sit down?" Dave Rossi's voice floated through the air and interrupted her negative thought pattern. She briefly looked up at him and made a non-committal sound that he decided to take as a yes. She felt his eyes upon her and refused to look away from the pages of the god-awful novel.

"What do you want?" she asked in a low, uninterested voice. "To tell me how stupid and reckless I was? In that case you don't have to waste your breath. I'm well aware."

"I'm not here to tell you anything. I'm here to ask you something."

"Oh?"

"Where do you want to go from here?"

She felt her eyes filling up with tears and was surprised; she didn't think she'd have any more tears in her. Also, she was so tired of weeping, and she was even more tired of letting other people see it. She wondered if she would ever regain any authority again.

"I don't know," she replied and blinked away the tears as they threatened to overflow. "I honestly don't know anymore."

"Do you want to break free from James?" Rossi asked in a soft voice. In her heart, Blake didn't think it would be possible; he would always find her. But she wanted her freedom. Yes. She did.

She nodded.

"Do you want to stay with the BAU?"

"Of course I do. But I can't now, can I? Not after last night."

"Alex, I need you to listen to me very carefully now. JJ and I are the only ones who know what happened. As far as the rest of the team are concerned, we were only worried in general and decided to keep an eye on you. We have debated back and forth on how to deal with this, because you know what protocol says…"

"Yeah," she said and hung her head.

"…but we decided that we won't tell as long as you go straight to Hotch and ask for desk duty for at least a month. Tell him you need to focus on your emotional wellbeing and that you don't feel like you can perform on top out there for the time being."

"Would you do that for me? Cover up, like that?"

"That depends. Would you put a gun to your head again?"

She sighed.

"No, I guess not. But it didn't work anyway. I guess I'd have to turn it in now, but I would really like to know what was wrong with it…"

"Actually, Alex, your gun works fine. There is nothing wrong with it."

She stared at him. "Then why…?"

"I don't know. But I suppose someone or something didn't think it was your time to go. Don't waste your second chance. Say thank you and come back to life."

He stood. "We've got your back. Trust us. Try us."

Her mouth had dropped open but she found no words. She merely watched as he stood and walked away, headed for the coffee machine. She quelled the urge to call him back; she still wouldn't know what to say even if he did. But she had gotten something to think about.

With a sigh, she put the book away and stared out the window instead, deep in thought. Almost against her own will, a tiny flicker of hope began to shine through the darkness of her mind.

Eventually, she took a deep breath, got up from her seat and walked up to Hotch.

"Hotch, I need to speak with you."

A/N

Sorry this chapter is much shorter than the previous, I just felt like I needed to get this out of my system and I have a bad habit of going back and poke in stuff (often resulting in ruining the good parts) if I don't post it as soon as I'm done.

I'm always grateful for reviews. Thank you everyone who follows this story! :)