Hiii! Im actually mad at myself for not posting last weekend. I was just so uninspired. I got my groove back by listen to different songs from RENT. It helped.
enjoy! please tell me what you think!
Monday evening, Jefferson- Johnson resident
Over the nineteen years of being married to Maureen, Ive learned how she communicates. If she feels sad, she'll be quiet and grab my hand. If she feels uncomfortable, she'll wrap her arm around my waist and pull me to her. If she wants to say something but doesn't know if she should, she places her hand on my knee and looks me in the eye. These are just a few that I've picked up on. They all have something in common. Me. She uses touching me as a way to communicate. It's nice to know by touch what she's feeling. It doesn't require her to say her feelings out loud and she loves that. Sometimes I'm grateful for it like one time when she was feeling uneasy about one of the men at my job. She wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me close to her. It was a sign that she didn't want me to be around him. Her gut was right. Turned out that the guy was a con artist. He cheated one of my coworkers out of a few grand. Anyways, to say that I understand my wife is a more than one can say about their wives. But as of right now, I couldn't figure her out.
Ever since that night at Mimi's, she's been jumpy and quiet. It wasn't like her to be quiet for this long. I tried not to let it get to me, but I could feel the worry creep over me every time her shoulders would hunch over and shake a little. One night before going to bed, she was sniffling in the bathroom with the door closed. She didn't notice that I slipped in the room and when I called out asking if she was okay, I heard a bang. She came out of the bathroom with a red eyes and a blotchy face. Instead of asking why she was crying, I asked what was that noise.
"I banged it on the counter." She mumbled.
I looked down at her knee and saw that it was red. It would mostly form a bruise. I bent down on my knees, held the back of her leg to steady her and kisses the spot gingerly. I looked at her and smiled. She gave me one of her half-smile that didn't reach her eyes. She grabbed my hands and motioned for my to stand up. I did and she kissed my lips just as gingerly as I kissed her knee. For a moment, I thought everything was okay. I shut my eyes and melted into her soft and warm lips. I felt as they moved against my own in familiar motion. A motion that we've done for years. She pulled back and smiled. That would have fooled me if it wasn't for her still red eyes and still blotchy cheeks. As I was about to ask her why she was crying, she motioned for us to go to bed and made a off hand comment about being exhausted. I brushed it off just like she did.
The next morning, a Monday, she was all smiles as she said goodbye to the girls. I figured she was truly exhausted last night, so I tried not to worry about her at work. I buried myself in mountains of contracts and pro bono cases. By lunch, I even relaxed enough to think about eating without feeling nauseous. Just as I was about to take a bite out of my salad, my personal phone ranged. I looked at the screen. Maureen's bright smile and lively eyes flashed on the screen. I smiled and answered the phone bringing it to my ear.
"Hey, baby." I chirped into the phone.
"Jo, can you come home?" She panted. She sounded distressed.
Immediately my whole persona changed.
"Honey, what's wrong?" I asked frantically, already closing the lid of my salad and grabbing my keys and jacket.
"I just need you. Please." She begged. Her voice wasn't above a whisper and it scared me.
Was someone hurt? Was she hurt? Did she hurt herself? She hasn't done that since she realized she wanted to have a family with me and that was two years before Elena was born. I panicked and quickly told my assistant, Jane, to hold all calls until tomorrow. I knew I would have a lot of work to deal with, but my wife came first. Especially if she was this upset or hurt.
"I'm coming home." I assured her.
"Ok." She replied weakly.
"Do you want me to stay on the phone?" I asked as I rushed to the parking garage, unlocked the door and threw my purse in the backseat before sliding in. I stuck the key in and turned it, pressing the phone between my ear and shoulder.
"Yes, please." Her voice just sounded hollow. Like she gave up on something. I was breathing fast and my hands were shaking as I backed out of the parking space. I tightened my right hand on the steering wheel and held the phone firmly against my ear. She didn't say anything the whole time I drove to the house. I heard her shallow breathing and once in a while she would hiccup. I knew my breathes were coming out frantic, but I couldn't stop until I knew what was wrong with my Maureen.
The drive was a good ten minutes and as I parked in the driveway, I felt my heart clench and my throat close up. I hurried up down the walk way and up the stairs to the front door twisting the doorknob that was already unlocked. Of course. She was expecting me. I hung up the phone and I called out for her.
"Maureen?" I glanced in the living room when I heard a shift on the couch. The look she gave me broke my heart. Her eyes were bright red and puffy. Her faces was also red and splotchy. She bit her bottom lip and her eyes drooped sadly.
"Maureen, what happened?" I asked taking a step forward, dropping the keys on the mail table.
Her eyes watered and her lip lower lip trembled. I took another step towards her as she stood up. She twisted her fingers in front of her like a little girl who was scared. She walked up to my and threw her arms around my neck. She sobbed into the crook of neck. I encircled her in my arms pulling her tightly against me. I was shocked by her reaction. It was a rare moment when she cried, let alone like this. A sobbing mess.
"Honeybear, talk to me." I murmured into her dark curly hair.
Her chest contracted and expanded against me in a irregular way. She would take a deep breathe and it would shutter violently.
"He-he's d-d-dieing, Jo." She sobbed. She cried harder into my neck wetting it with hot tears.
My body froze. I knew who she was talking about, but i couldn't believe it was true unless she said it. I swallowed to lump in my throat and asked her who. I shut my eyes and I waited for her reply.
"Collins." She said. I felt myself tense up and tears threaten to spill over. I wanted to cry just like she was. But only one of us could break down, so I took a deep breathe. I pulled away from her, taking one hand and guiding her to the couch. When I sat down I pulled her with me. She sat on my lap and I let her soak my shirt and chilled skin. I kissed her forehead as she kept going. I rubbed her back and thigh in comfort. I felt like it wasn't doing anything for her, but I did it anyways. I think it comforted me more. It felt real as I rubbed up and down the fabric of her white jeans. It kept me from slipping into numbness as I felt the roughness of it.
Her breathing shook as it splayed against my soaked neck and shoulder. She took a few deep breathes before speaking.
"He is at the hospital were Angel died." She breathed. Her voice was full of sadness and I wished that I could make it go away.
I nodded, acknowledging what she said. I inhaled deeply before I spoke, afraid my own voice would sound foreign to me.
"Do you want to go see him?" I asked. Surprisingly, my voice was calm and not jittery and numb as I felt.
She nodded. "I was gonna wait till you were done with work, but I couldn't hold it in anymore and I needed you." She tightened her gripped around my neck.
I kissed her forehead again, lingering for a moment before pulling away. We sat on the couch until it was a half hour before the girls came home. Maureen got up mumbling about using the bathroom. I got up from the couch and hung up my jacket before going upstairs and changing from my work clothes into a Harvard t-shirt and skinny jeans. I went downstairs and checked to see what the girls could eat for dinner. I settled for putting lasagna that I froze a while ago in the oven. It would be done by the time we left.
Maureen walked into the kitchen. She leaned on the doorway watching as I messed with the knob on the oven. Once I set it to the appropriate time I looked up at her. She changed her clothes from her white jeans and black tank top to a grey long sleeve shirt and black jeans with her comfy winter boots. She was still sad. Her lower lip poked out in a pout and her arms wrapped around her waist, an attempt to keep all her pieces together.
I frowned at her as she gazed at me with gloomy eyes. I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. She hug me back as she took a shaky breath.
"Thank you." She whispered into my shoulder.
"Anything for you." I said to her as I pulled away. She cupped my chin and pulled me to her lips. It was a soft and sad kiss, but showed me how much she needed me. I was gonna be her rock. I always have been.
She pulled back and pursed her lips. "The girls should be here soon." She stated.
I nodded. "We'll leave as soon as they get here." I told her as I moved my hands up and down from her shoulder to her elbow.
She frowned. " I don't want them to worry. They will take it really hard and their midterms are in a few months. I don't want them to stress." She said. Her breaths quickened as she spoke.
"We won't tell them." I hated not telling them anything important. It felt like a betrayal, but i understood what she was saying. " Not now anyways." I looked in her eyes. She was relieved.
She nodded. "I want to get myself together before telling them."
I kissed her cheek and pulled away after I examined her to be sure she would hold herself together. For a little while anyways.
Just as I pulled back the door opened and they filed in.
" Hey Momma and Mom!" The twins said in unison. I left Maureen in the kitchen, giving her extra time to gather herself.
I greeted my daughters at the foyer. I plaster on a smile and stepped into that natural mom role.
"How was school?" I asked as I watched them hang up there coats on the rack.
Rosie beamed at me. "It was good. But what are you doing home early?" She asked confused but kept her smile.
"Yeah, you normally get home at like 5. Its only 2:20." Tracie said as she went to the living room and plopped on the couch.
Crap. I forgot I came home early. I needed to think fast.
"We had lunch together and she didn't have much work to do." Maureen said, saving me. I turned and saw as she walked out of the kitchen. Just like that she changed back from almost breaking down to the regular Maureen. It was heartbreaking to she that she hide her feelings so easily.
Rosie and Tracie shrugged as they settled in the living room. I turned back to the door and saw Elena looking at me. Her eyes narrowed scrutinizing me, trying to figure out why I was really here early. I silently begged her not to say anything. She blink before saying "Cool"
I sighed and relaxed a little. "Me and your mom are gonna see Uncle Collins." Saying his name hurt. Im sure it hurt Maureen more. I didn't turn around to see. "I put the lasagna in the oven already. It should be done in a ten minutes." I told Elena.
She nodded. "Okay." She said calmly. She went to the kitchen and checked the food. I looked at Maureen who kissed the twins on the cheek.
We grabbed our coats and told the girls we loved them. They mumbled back there love before we went to my car and pulled out the driveway. Maureen took my hand as soon as we pulled out. I kissed the back of her kissed and kept glancing at her while I drove. She just stared straight ahead bitting her nails. A habit that only happens when she is scared.